Item #: SCP-3181
Object Class: Safe Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3181 is to be kept in the Low-Danger Item Storage wing of Site-27. Any researcher with clearance 3 4/3181 or higher is allowed to take it out for testing.
Description: SCP-3181 is a 0.5-millimeter-thick circular pane of what appears to be ordinary glass, 8 cm in diameter.
The anomalous properties of SCP-3181 manifest when it is put over the playable side of a DVD (upon which it temporarily becomes intangible) and inserted into a DVD player.
If any glass is broken at any point in the movie, it does not break when SCP-3181 is active. This may have drastic effects on the movie and its plot. See Testing Log.
When the movie is completed, the DVD can be removed from the player. SCP-3181 remanifests on it roughly one (1) minute later.
Addendum 3181-1: Discovery
SCP-3181 was discovered repeating its infomercial (see Testing Log) in an empty briefing room in Site-██ on █/██/20██.
Addendum 3181-2: Testing Log
Note: All tests should be written in this format:
Movie Tested:
Result:
Movie tested: None, SCP-3181 is inserted directly into the player.
Result: An infomercial plays, advertising "Plot-Proof Glass: The New Device by Doctor Wondertainment!". An unseen male announcer recites the anomalous properties of SCP-3181. The duration is two minutes and twenty-four seconds, after which the DVD repeats.
Movie Tested: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Result: Movie proceeds as normal. However in the final battle, whenever an X-wing explodes its cockpit screen can be seen intact.
Movie Tested: Archived footage of a containment breach at Site-33.
Result: SCP-████, the first to escape containment, was unable to breach the testing room's viewing window. Footage shows it throwing itself against the glass several times, to no avail. No reality-bending effects noted.
Movie Tested: A short animation in which a cartoon person says "I will break this glass!" and kicks a nearby pane, shattering it.
Result: The man kicks the glass several times, but is unable to shatter it.
Movie Tested: Same as the previous test, but the man says "I will break this ice!"
Result: No change from original.
Movie Tested: Same as previous test, but the man says "glass" instead of "ice", and the picture of glass is replaced with a piece of paper in the man's hands which he rips.
Result: The man cannot rip the paper. Further research on what is or is not recognised as glass by SCP-3181 is pending.
Look.
We didn't know what we had on our hands. 3181 might be the one of the most convenient things the Foundation has ever laid eyes on. By providing a clear effect for knowledgeable recordings to know they're in a disposable pocket dimension, it gives us a way to do dangerous experiments risk-free. We were actually going to demote it to Anomalous Item status until we realized it.
Remember, help can come from strange places sometimes. Who knows where we might be aided- or abetted- next time?
O5-█
Movie Tested: A film of MTF Nu-12 "Quality Testers" smashing glass with hammers. They are equipped with Hughes metatransmitters.
Result: Recording proceeds normally until 0:35 into the film.
N12-Alpha: Okay, it looks like this glass isn't breaking. Command, can you confirm that we're in?
Command: You are.
N12-Alpha: What's our itinerary today?
Command: One sec…
Command: You have to see if water kills SCP-████.
N12-3: ████? That's the.. horse.. made of fire, right?
Command: Yes.
Command: There are water hoses and fireproof covering in your equipment locker. Please collect them and proceed to SCP-████'s containment chamber.
MTF Nu-12 proceeds to lockers, collects equipment, and goes to the containment chamber.
N12-Alpha: Alright, let's open it on three. Three.. two.. one!
N12-Alpha and N12-4 open cell door. N12-2, -3, and -5 begin spraying water into the chamber and are quickly joined by N12-Alpha and -4. After twenty (20) seconds, SCP-████ shrinks to ash and the remnants of a horse skeleton. Neutralization deemed successful. When later attempted outside of SCP-3181, this method works. Remains disposed of.
Many other dangerous SCP items have been neutralized using methods checked in SCP-3181. MTF Nu-12 has been awarded Foundation Stars for their efforts in protecting humanity. And all this from a little glass disc meant for humor! Again, who knows what might help us next time?
O5-█
You're bored.
Normally around this time of day, the containment guys with the cool orange coats come in to take notes about how you look. You don't mind this- once they found that you were moldy, then they scrubbed you for a while and your surface was as good as new. Also, it's good to have someone to talk to, even if that someone happens to grumble about having to treat a perfectly intelligent table like a "normal person".
You don't really mind them not coming in, though. Privacy is a wonderful thing.
Suddenly, a VERY LOUD crackle assaults your perception unit. It's someone talking on the inter-command system. People do this a lot. Usually, one of two things happen afterwards. Either nothing goes on that you can see, or- this one rarely occurs- some even louder sirens come on, the lights turn off, and there's far-away thumping and screaming and roaring for a long time. When this happens, it usually stops after a day or so. Then the lights come on and the normal routine continues but everyone seems very sad and scared.
You listen up to what the loud staticky man is saying.
"-I repeat, Site khhhhfffkhgggfffhhk under the control of His Majesty's SCP-MDLXI, all heretics are to be khfffffffkkh"
Hmm. That doesn't sound good.
The lights go off. That's probably not good either.
You sit alone in your cell, motionless. You have learned that if you wait this kind of thing out, it generally goes away. The static man continues to babble loud enough to make you vibrate.
You hear slamming noises from far away.
You entertain yourself for a while by playing a mental game of chess against yourself. It's not going well, because you can't remember how the little horse ones move.
You have almost reached a stalemate when your cell door clangs open. You immediately look around to see who did it.
Standing in front of the door is a very tired-looking old man. He is wearing a white coat.
He gasps at you, out of breath. "6527! H-have you been corrupted by His Ma- by the crown?"
You remember the staticky man talking about some awful thing he was going to do to 'heretics'. This man sounds a lot like him. Maybe he's playing a trick to see if you believe him. You don't, but you also want to be left alone.
"Yeah", you reply. What was the other thing? Oh, yes. "All hail His Majesty".
The old man groans and starts muttering to himself. "Researchers compromised… Humanoid skips too… By the look of it, anything sapient. How can I be the only one in the Site with coghaz training?…" He walks away, looking depressed.
You wait a long while. The static man loudly details how "His Majesty Data the Expunged" is the ruler of "Site Redacted" several times.
You are incredibly bored. Even taking the old man's bait seems preferable to this level of boredom.
The air in front of you starts to fizz and pull apart. You get a glimpse of bright green and pink flashes before they solidify into a spinning symbol. You know this one. It's Aerhou, the doom sigil, and it tries to recruit you to join some top-secret society whenever this kind of thing happens. Usually the containment guys call it "a ketter", whatever that means, when you tell them afterwards.
Currently, it's buzzing around your legs and talking in its shrill, grating voice.
heyyy my old table thing, it squawks. all the jail wardens are gone, off to worship their king-crown-thing. how'd ya like to get outta here, do something interestin' for once?
You don't really want to do this. Aerhou has gotten up to some real bad trouble whenever it has enticed you to run away. But you are soooooooo bored. "Sure", you say.
great!
Almost at once, the wall next to you manifests holes, then falls away to reveal a hazmat suit with a person inside. You can see a portal behind the person, back in the room she came from.
ready, sorin? calls Aerhou over the drone of an announcement about the supreme great king. The woman inside the suit ("Sorin") nods. cool. just one more member of our motley little crew to lift. Green and pink energy pulls apart your cell door, and you're out.
It's nice to be able to stretch your legs once in a while. Standing in a cell 24/7 is nice and all, but you're not some sort of inanimate object! You, Aerhou, and Sorin walk through desolated, echoing halls, evading sparse researchers, until you reach a door marked {{1867 - SAFE}}. The door opens with a touch from a small piece of plastic that Sorin produces. Within is a tiny chamber. A low table (you twinge in empathy for one of your kind relegated to such a menial job) holds a fishtank with a brightly colored slug as its sole inhabitant.
"Oh, greetings everyone!" says the slug, making you jump back in surprise as the others come forward to greet it. "Aery, I haven't seen you since.. what was it, Paris? 1902? Ahh, too long, too long. Sorin! How's the ol' pocket dimension?" Your friends chatter and gossip for a while as the slug oozes around its habitat.
"And what's this?" says the slug. "A pet table of yours? I had one once, they were all the rage back in Sulawesi. Great to see fresh blood in the group. So to speak."
yeah, yeah, y'all need a formal introduction. blackwood, 6527. 6527, blackwood. british conquistador extraordinaire and/or slug, sentient table that makes holograms.
"Don't be so… forward about my condition!" Blackwood mumbles.
Per 
