- A Song for the Road
- Literally Paper
- We don't deserve dogs.
- Do Unto Others
- How to beat the crap out of your coworker and get away with it while staying under budget
A Song for the Road
I will return to heaven.
Hand in hand with the dew
that vanishes at the touch of the light at first dawn,
I will return to heaven.
together with the twilight and nothing more
when the clouds beckon whilst I play on the foothills,
I will return to heaven.
On the day my sojourn on this beautiful world ends,
I will go and tell them it was beautiful…1
The wanderer shambled on.
He didn’t mind the sun beating down mercilessly on his ruddy, wrinkled skin, nor did he mind the rough, slender leaves of the dog tails brushing up against his ankles.
He took a slow swig from his gourd flask, cleared his throat, and started humming. He did not know where he heard that song, but each note came to him as naturally as bees were drawn to wildflowers. Besides, he knew he loved it.
Somehow.
He shook his head, and muttered some unintelligible things under his breath.
For a traveler like him, he reasoned, the sun and the dog tails were the most reliable companions he could get. Even the incessant chirping of the cicadas would come to an end when the summer gave way to autumn, and he would be left bereft of his lullabies for his midday naps, save for the wind, whose cold chilly breath promised him of the avernal season to come.
Not that he minded that either.
After all, what is the cold but another excuse to curl up next to a campfire and toss some sweet potatoes on the embers? It was just him, and nature. For a man of his profession, things could not be better.
His profession.
The smile vanished from the face of the happiest man on the world. For a split second, memories came flooding back to him. Yes. Memories. Thoughts that he fought long and hard to bury up deep inside him, because they simply made no sense. He was a creature of logic, and remembering would have been madness. Better to consign these events to oblivion by pickling his brain in alcohol, than to have them blow up his head. That was the logical thing to do.
“Hmm…~ Hmm…~ Snap out of it…”
He quickly shook his head, and took another swig from his flask.
The hard dirt road narrowed to an uncomfortable width as the rice paddies on either side slowly began to encroach more and more onto the space reserved for the path. And yet, the wanderer hobbled forth, somehow walking in a straight line. A farmer pinched his nose at the reek of moonshine wafting from the wanderer’s mouth, and muttered a few choice insults at him as he passed by.
He didn’t mind that either.
He was told that he should not feel unjust because others do not understand him. After all he probably does not understand others as well…2
Wait.
Was he taught that, or was he the one to teach it?
He was definitely the one to teach it. After all, was his name not Confucius? Yes, he remembers sitting on the gazebo, gazing out onto these very same rice fields, falling asleep to the chorus of the cicadas and the distant rumbling of the tractors…
Tractors? In my time?
Wasn’t Confucius Chinese? He was Korean, or at least, he thought he was…
The wanderer stopped and shook his head vigorously. He adjusted his straw hat, and took another swig from his flask, bigger this time.
What was he thinking about again?
He didn’t remember.
The smile returned to his face.
Again, the wanderer hobbled forth, humming louder this time to drown out any stray thoughts. But no matter how long he hummed, he couldn’t purge a thought that nibbled away at him from the back of his mind.
“Poet”
Yes. He remembered that he was no wanderer, but a poet. Not just any poet, and not just a poet, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. And why should he try to remember? Remembering was madness.
And so, the poet shambled on towards the setting sun, towards the hill with the craning pine tree he so loved to nap under.
And all the way, he hummed the song that he so loved, but forgot the words to a few lifetimes ago.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-2 through SCP-XXXX-36 is to be stored in a safe class locker in Site 19. SCP-XXXX-1 is to be stored in a modified safe-class storage locker that maintains the interior in a state of a vacuum.
As the differences in the effects of SCP-XXXX-1 and the effects of SCP-XXXX-2 through 36 are similar with the only difference being the duration, further tests with SCP-XXXX-1 have been deemed frivolous and prohibited.
Tests with SCP-XXXX-2 through 36 require case-by-case approval from three [3] separate level-3 researchers.
Description: SCP-XXXX-1 through 36 refers to 36 reams of papers measuring 3 ft by 7200 ft similar to those used in large-scale industrial printing operations. As of 5/15/18, All instances of SCP-XXXX except SCP-XXXX-1 have become yellowed due to prolonged oxidation.
SCP-XXXX's anomalous effects become apparent when a word or a phrase is written on a piece of SCP-XXXX. The said piece of SCP-XXXX becomes a physical manifestation of the concept that is described by the aforementioned word or a phrase.
However, the effects of this phenomenon on reality can only be observed when the said piece of SCP-XXXX is used to act out an idiom or other similar phrases that are not meant to be taken literally in the language the said word/phrase was written in. Refer to Addendum 1 (Testing log SCP-XXXX) and Extended testing log of SCP-XXXX for details.
Any effects on reality caused by SCP-XXXX seems to last for 30 hours with the exception of SCP-XXXX, which seems to have an effect that is indefinite in duration.
Addendum 1: Test log of SCP-XXXX since discovery
Tester: D-31227, D-12552
Idiom to be tested: "Jump Down Your Throat"
Procedure: D-12552 cut out a 3 ft x 10 ft piece of SCP-XXXX-12, wrote the phrase "D-31227's throat" on it, and made a long tube out of the said piece by taping the two ends together. D-12552 then stood on a step ladder and jumped down into the said tube.
Effects: For the next 30 hours, D-12552 could verbally communicate to D-31227 only via screaming/yelling/other loud vocalizations. D-12552 was treated for a sore throat resulting from damaged vocal chords after the effects of SCP-XXXX had worn off.
Tester: D-31227
Idiom to be tested: "Pulling my leg"
Procedure: D-31227 cut out a 10 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-14, wrote the phrase "my leg" on it, placed the said piece of SCP-XXXX-14 under a paperweight, and pulled out the said piece of paper out from under the paperweight.
Effects: None
Notes: Since the idiom "Pulling someone's leg" means to play a prank on someone, maybe this idiom requires two testers like the one prior to this. -Dr. Kim
Tester: D-31227, D-89289
Idiom to be tested: "Pulling my leg"
Procedure: D-31227 cut out a 10 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-14, wrote the phrase "my leg" on it, placed the said piece of SCP-XXXX-14 under a paperweight. D-89289 was instructed to pull out the said piece of paper out from under the paperweight.
Effects: For the next 30 hours, D-89289 was seen compulsively engaging in prank attempts towards D-31227. D-89289 was restrained for the remainder of the duration of SCP-XXXX's effect when he attempted to Fill D-31227's shampoo bottle with mayonnaise.
Tester: D-8129
Idiom to be tested: "Knock on Wood"
Procedure: D-8129 was given a thorough psychological evaluation which revealed that she had a rash personality as well as a tendency to not think through her decisions. D-8129 cut out a 10 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-1, wrote the phrase "wood" on it, and knocked on it with her fist.
Effects: D-8129's behavior changed dramatically after the test, giving ample time to think through most non-mundane decisions in her day-to-day life. However, the degree to which she engages in such behavior is extreme, such as refusing to touch light switches unless her hands are completely devoid of moisture (including that from perspiration).
Tester: D-8129
Idiom to be tested: "Throw Caution to the Wind"
Procedure: D-8129 cut out another 10 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-1 and wrote the phrase "caution" on it. Then, D-8129 was instructed to turn on a large fan, and throw the aforementioned piece of SCP-XXXX-1 into the wind.
Effects: D-8129's behavior was again altered to match her original rash personality. However, after this test, D-8129 expresses extreme difficulty trying to exercise any kind of caution. D-8129 had her cafeteria privileges revoked after she spilled hot soup that was served for dinner when she slipped by accident, burning 6 other D-class personnel.
Tester: Level 3 Researcher Jung Ha Kim
Idiom to be tested: "Burn the midnight oil"
Procedure: Dr. Kim cut out a 10 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-2, wrote the phrase "midnight oil" on it, and burnt it with a zippo lighter.
Effects: For the next 30 hours, Dr. Kim was physically unable to fall asleep and showed an obsessive compulsion to finish a report that he had been working on prior.
Tester: Level 3 Researcher Sandra Gutierrez
Idiom to be tested: "Tener un humor de perros" (Literally means to have "a mood of dogs", actually means to be in a foul mood)
Procedure: Dr. Gutierrez cut out a 20 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-28, wrote the phrase "un humor de perros" on it, and kept the said piece in her possession for 12 hours.
Effects: After 12 hours, Dr. Gutierrez reported a strong feeling of irritability, anger, and annoyance despite not having a reason to feel such a way. Dr. Gutierrez voluntarily entered solitary confinement for the next 30 hours after she begun to lash out verbally towards her fellow researchers.
Tester: Dr. Robert Wright, D-90221
Idiom to be tested: "Begone Thot"
Foreword: This test was conducted to observe whether the effects of SCP-XXXX extend only to "traditional" idioms, or also to phrases that have recently entered the English Lexicon and have popular consensus among a sizable number of the population to have a certain meaning. D-90221 was sentenced to life without parole after she married 6 men and subsequently murdered them in an attempt to collect their life insurance money over a period of 25 years.
Procedure: Dr. Wright cut out a 10 cm x 10 cm piece of SCP-XXXX-8, wrote the word "Thot" on it. He then yelled at it to "begone", before crumpling it up and tossing it in a trash can.
Effects: D-90221 was physically incapable of walking into Dr. Wright's field of vision for 30 hours. When Dr. Wright came in sight of D-90221 by walking around a corner, D-90221 was pushed away at approximately 3 meters/second by an unseen force until she turned another corner and out of Dr. Wright's line of sight.
Notes: It seems even though the phrase "Begone Thot" can be seen as a literal command as opposed to an idiom, I hypothesize that SCP-XXXX still exerted its anomalous properties because the word "Thot" itself was not considered a proper 'word' in a traditional sense, but the phrase "Begone Thot" still conveys a coherent meaning to a large enough number of the population. Further testing should be conducted on this phenomenon.
See Extended Testing Log of SCP-XXXX for more details (guys, I want to make an extended test log for this SCP like with SCP-682 where anyone with a good idea can contribute, but I don't know how. Help D: )
Item #: SCP-%%%%
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-%%%% is to be kept in a standard safe-class anomalous item locker at Site-19. SCP-%%%% has displayed a predictable behavior set under extensive testing. As SCP-%%%% was instrumental in preserving the safety of numerous Foundation personnel, as of 11/14/2021, MTF Members and Foundation Personnel with level 2 or above clearance may apply to use SCP-%%%%3.
Description: SCP-%%%% is an anomalous dog whistle. SCP-%%%% does not produce any sound in any frequency spectrum, unlike its non-anomalous counterparts.
SCP-%%%%'s anomalous effects may manifest when it is blown by a former owner (henceforth referred to as subject) of a deceased pet canid.
Should the subject's life come under threat at any point in time after SCP-%%%% was used, a temporary, selectively hostile, volitional Class-VIII incorporeal entity in the form of the subject's deceased pet (referred to as SCP-%%%%-B) will appear to render aid to the subject. In 98% of subjects, this effect will occur only once.
SCP-%%%%'s anomalous effects will manifest with greater probability if the subject meets one or more of these criteria:
- Subject acquired SCP-%%%%-B as a puppy when said subject was a child/adolescent
- Subject adopted SCP-%%%%-B from a kill shelter
- Subject grew up with SCP-%%%%-B
- Subject has treated SCP-%%%%-B with respect and love during its lifetime
- Subject has spent a lot of time engaging in play activities with SCP-%%%%-B
- Subject was present at SCP-%%%%-B's death
- Subject held, caressed, or otherwise maintained physical contact with SCP-%%%%-B as it expired
- Subject interred SCP-%%%%-B's remains on the grounds of their place of residence
- Subject remembers habits, quirks, or other strong memories regarding SCP-%%%%-B
- Subject frequently talks about SCP-%%%%-B
- Subject has pictures or other forms of visual media depicting SCP-%%%%-B on display
The degree to which an SCP-%%%%-B instance can exert influence over the physical world is affected by the conditions listed above in blue. As a general rule, the more the subject in question partakes in activities listed in blue, the greater the effect a corresponding SCP-%%%%-B instance can exert.
Analysis of high fidelity recording of sounds produced by all SCP-%%%%-B instances shows that according to the Foundation’s current understanding of auditory cognitohazards, all sounds produced by SCP-%%%%-B instances should be fatal to all human beings. Research on why this is not the case is currently ongoing.
Name of Subject: Captain Jose Ortega, Leader of MTF Gamma-6 (Deep Feeders).
Physical Description of SCP-%%%%-B: Female Labradoodle, deceased at age 12.
Notable Qualities: Subject suffered from depression, alcoholism, and drug use after the death of his parents in a car accident when he was 15. Subject spent several months homeless before encountering SCP-%%%%-B on the streets. Subject frequently credited SCP-%%%%-B with helping him overcome his substance abuse and mental health issues.
Background: On 2/4/2022, MTF Gamma-6 is sent to re-establish containment for SCP-████ The mission was a failure with an extreme casualty rate. Out of 22 MTF members, only 3 agents (including the subject) survived. Subject suffers from extreme PTSD and survivor’s guilt afterward. Foundation mandated mental health treatments see little success in improving subject’s condition.
Event Description: On 8/2/2022, Subject attempts suicide using Foundation-issue .44 caliber revolver. According to testimony from the subject, as he placed the barrel of the firearm against his temple, cocked the hammer, and clenched his eyes shut, he felt a ‘warm and fluffy mass’ settling on his lap. Subject opened his eyes to see a barely visible shimmering apparition of SCP-%%%%-B sitting on his legs. SCP-%%%%-B remained with the subject for approximately 5 more minutes, during which time it nudged the gun away from the subject. SCP-%%%%-B instance licked the subject on the face a moment before dematerializing.
Epilogue: Subject makes a call to Foundation mental healthcare services to report his suicide attempt and the aforementioned anomalous activity. Foundation therapists place subject under watch while providing him with additional care. Subject’s PTSD symptoms vastly improve over the next few months. A DNA swab of the saliva sample taken from the subject’s face reveals a 98.2% match with a dog of a Labradoodle breed.
Name of Subject: Assistant Researcher Patricia O’Leary.
Physical Description of SCP-%%%%-B: Male German Shepherd, deceased at age 15.
Notable Qualities: Subject grew up in an impoverished neighborhood with a high rate of violent crime. Subject noted several incidents where SCP-%%%%-B protected her from assailants during its lifetime. SCP-%%%%-B was described as always being alert for anything that may harm its owner.
Background: On 9/21/2022, a magnitude 8.8 earthquake occurs 12 miles away from Site 114. Structural damage sustained to Site 114 results in three instances of SCP-3199 breaching containment.
Event Description: Dr. O’Leary is seen running towards the stairwell to escape the Keter Containment Wing. A shriek is heard as an instance of SCP-3199 emerges from an adjacent corridor, cutting off Dr. O’Leary from her escape route. As she turns around to double back, another SCP-3199 instance emerges around the corner, trapping Dr. O’Leary.
Suddenly, the first SCP-3199 instance is flung to the floor by an unseen force. 3199 instance shrieks and struggles to get back up without success. Aggressive growling and barking can be heard ringing throughout the site. Other SCP-3199 instance hesitates and runs in the opposite direction. Deep bite marks appear on the pinned SCP-3199 instance, severing vital tendons and major arteries. Dr. O’Leary escapes through the stairwell. SCP-3199 instance expires from injuries sustained from SCP-%%%%-B.Epilogue: Forensic investigation done on the SCP-3199 cadaver reveals the bite marks match the profile of an adult domestic dog.
Name of Subject: Corporal Sangchul Kim, Field Medic Assigned to MTF Beta-7 (Maz Hatters).
Physical Description of SCP-%%%%-B: Female Golden Retriever, deceased at age 18.
Notable Qualities: Subject grew up as a first-generation immigrant in the rural United States. Due to routing issues, school buses dropped off subject half a mile away from his place of residence. On the application for SCP-%%%% use, subject noted that SCP-%%%%-B would always be present at the drop off location to greet and walk the subject back to his house.
Background: MTF Beta-7 is sent to secure a modified strain of SCP-008 from Chaos Insurgency Agents. The said strain had been augmented anomalously, drastically decreasing the time needed between exposure and onset of symptoms from three hours to several minutes. As a last-ditch effort, Chaos Insurgency agents expose MTF Beta-7 members to the modified SCP-008 samples. Corporal Kim was tending to a wounded MTF member (Private Jerry Steele) whose air filter was compromised by shrapnel during the operation. Before Pvt. Steele could be infected, Corporal Kim quickly removed his mask and applied it to his patient.
Event Description: The events of this incident were compiled through the body camera footage of Corporal Kim and Private Steele. Footage shows Corporal Kim sewing up and sealing a wound on Pvt. Steele’s torso. The radio crackles to life and Captain Myers4 informs the task force of an incoming gas attack. Corporal Kim hesitates for a second before ripping off his mask and applying it to Pvt. Steele’s face. Moments after, an orange haze enters the camera’s field of view, saturating the area with modified SCP-008 particles in a matter of few seconds.
Upon contact with the modified SCP-008 particles, Corporal Kim’s face convulses. He is seen stumbling away from Pvt. Steele before falling and leaning against a pile of rubble. The subject is seen coughing violently while orally ejecting copious amounts of blood and chunks of liquefied lung tissue. Subject begins to groan in pain and writhe as he begins to bleed profusely from every single orifice. Over the next minute, severe tissue necrosis begins to affect the subject’s exposed skin. Subject looks at Pvt. Steele and weakly issues orders to put as much distance between both of them.
Suddenly, subject looks directly in front of him and reaches out with his arm. Camera footage from both individuals captured no third entity. Expressions of pain vanish are replaced with a weak smile from the subject’s face. Subject starts to caress and rub SCP-%%%%-B instance. Subject’s breathing becomes less erratic, and convulsions begin to stop. Subject is heard whispering ‘there’s my good girl’. Biometric sensors report fatally low blood pressure and heart rate during this time. Subject is heard asking SCP-%%%%-B ‘come to take me home?’ before expiring.
Epilogue: After the battle ended, Corporal Kim was found deceased in the area of operation next to an unconscious, but alive Pvt. Steele. An autopsy reveals that while Corporal Kim had not suffered any head trauma and bloodstream was saturated with modified SCP-008 particles, the prion’s anomalous reanimating effects did not take place.
A lock of yellow fur was found on Corporal Kim’s vest.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the low frequency and stochastic nature of SCP-XXXX appearances, containment of SCP-XXXX shall revolve around standard disinformation and amnesticization campaigns. Civilians that have encountered SCP-XXXX shall be interviewed and given class-A amnestics. When SCP-XXXX should appear to Foundation affiliated personnel, said personnel is to attempt to gather more information about SCP-XXXX and its inhabitant (referred to as SCP-XXXX-A).
Object Description: SCP-XXXX is a dining establishment that manifests at a random location to a single person(henceforth referred to as the subject) at a time. During manifestation, SCP-XXXX is able to be perceived by only the subject. The external appearance and internal decorative theme of SCP-XXXX differs depending on the geographical location it appears in and the subject's prior life experiences5. In all cases, the subject will be compelled to enter SCP-XXXX.
SCP-XXXX-A is an elderly caucasian woman who inhabits SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX-A's appearance does not vary in all recorded instances of manifestation.
Once inside, subjects will be seated and given a menu by SCP-XXXX. Every instance of the menu will only feature a single item to choose from. The writing on the front cover of the menu and the item inside the menu differs from subject to subject.
Once the subject orders, SCP-XXXX-A will prepare and serve the food to the subject. In some cases, SCP-XXXX-A may converse with the subject while the subject is eating.
Statistical analysis of the psychological profiles of subjects have revealed that SCP-XXXX is more likely to manifest itself to a subject when the said subject meets one or more of the following criteria:
- Subject expresses great remorse towards committing a past deed
- Subject suffers from mental health issues
- Subject has recently suffered a loss of a loved one
- Subject sees no purpose to continuing to live life
After the subject has finished eating, the subject will be billed for the food. Instead of monetary compensation, the bill will ask that the subject perform various good deeds as payment [[footnote]See addenda for details[[/footnote]]. Once the subject exits the dining establishment, SCP-XXXX will demanifest.
Case Files: The following case files were compiled from civilians who have encountered SCP-XXXX.
Name of Subject: Henry Kim
Interviewer: Senior Psychoanalyst Rowan Frederickson
Background: Subject is a successful entrepreneur who immigrated to the US from Asia 21 years ago. The subject raised two children (one daughter and one son), both of whom had recently passed away from a vehicular accident.
Dr. Frederickson: So if you don't mind, could you please tell me more about your encounter with the disappearing restaurant?
Henry Kim: I was driving back from work. And then I saw it. Curiosity got the better of me. I guess.
Dr. Frederickson: Mm-hmm. I see. Do you consider yourself a curious person?
Henry Kim: Well… no. But it was just so… out of place, you know? To see a dilapidated building with corrugated sheet metal as roofing in the middle of downtown Austin.
Subject looks down and whispers quietly.
Just like the ones I saw all the time while growing up in Korea.
Dr. Frederickson: Do you remember anything about the food that you were served or the menu?
Henry Kim: Subject shakes his head.
I don't think I could forget even if I tried. The old lady working there brought out a bowl of doenjang jjigae6 served in a stone bowl. It tasted and looked exactly how my mother would make them, down to the sprigs of fresh enoki mushrooms floating at the top.
Dr. Frederickson: That's remarkable. did you talk-
Henry Kim: My mother - no. My parents were remarkable people you know? They raised me and my 4 siblings in a country that's been torn apart by civil war a mere decade ago. We barely had enough to eat three meals a day, but they made sure we all had books and pencils for school, even if it meant they couldn't eat properly for days.
Dr. Frederickson: But did you tell SCP-XX, er, the lady working-
You know what my favorite day of the month was? Our parents would save up all month to buy the ingredients for doenjang jjigae. On the 3rd Sunday of every month, my siblings and I would wake up to the whole house filled with that savory, aromatic scent coming from the kitchen.
Subject grows visibly agitated as he begins to speak faster. Dr. Frederickson merely watches and takes notes.
And even then, they would make sure we've had enough before…
Encounter Logs: The following logs
Mar 22, 202█
Notice from Site-65 Containment Division
This document is currently under review and may be subject to revisions and updates. The information displayed may not necessarily reflect the up-to-date information regarding the anomaly described within.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: As the effects of SCP-XXXX are mostly harmless and unnoticeable to vehicles traveling below the speed limit, containment shall consist of conspicuous placement of law enforcement and prominent display of signage reminding drivers of speed limitations.
Description: SCP-XXXX refers to an approximately 53-km long stretch of the British Columbia Highway #16 in the province of Alberta. Vehicles that travel along SCP-XXXX above the speed limit are frequently slowed down by an unknown force until their speed matches that of the legal limit.
Discovery: SCP-XXXX was discovered by the Foundation shortly after the construction of the affected segment of the Canadian Highway System in 1941. Local officials noticed an uptick of complaints regarding 'poor road conditions' leading to vehicle under-performance, leading to multiple attempts by the provincial government to address it. Foundation agents embedded in the Albertan Provincial Government were alerted when they intercepted a report written by civil engineers working for Transport Canada7 that could not provide a plausible explanation for the phenomena. Current containment measures were put in place and all involved government officials were bribed/intimidated to enforce their silence8.
Addendum: Due to relatively innocuous effects of SCP-XXXX, the current containment procedures have been in place for 8█ years. Compounded with budget concerns and Foundation human resources being stretched too thin, further investigation into SCP-XXXX has been postponed multiple times over the last several decades.
Document last updated: July 23th, 1998
Mar 23, 202█
Grant ID 1531202A
Appeal to: Site 65 Budget and Appropriations Committee
Look, you can call me an uppity transfer while gossiping in the employee lounge all you want, but the fact that no further investigation has been carried out on SCP-XXXX for nearly the past half century is a gross oversight. Hell, if this anomaly would fit in a locker, I wouldn't be surprised to see it sitting in some anomalous storage somewhere.
The reason I call this an oversight is simply for the fact that we blithely assume this thing is safe, not because we've done extensive testing on it and know it's safe. Yes, SCP-XXXX hasn't caused much trouble so far. But let me ask you this: how many skips do we have on file that seems innocuous at a cursory glance but are capable of untold destruction if left to their own devices? Not to mention the fact that the current containment procedures are just not up to par to our standards. We don't even know what the exact triggering mechanism of the anomalous effect is, and we do nothing to actually mitigate the effects of the anomaly because we know nothing of how it works.
I've heard of our organization's budget and manpower woes until my ears bled, and a stretch of the road that makes people keep to the speed limit isn't as urgent-sounding as some keter ontokineticist that can - oh I don't know - turn you inside out or something.
But look, the current containment procedures are making us bleed money. How much does it cost to have our agents embedded within local law enforcement, or to pay for all the extra shifts the cops have to put in to catch speeding drivers over a massive stretch of one of the most well-traveled roads in the nation? How much money have we spent on SCP-XXXX over the last 8█ years because we were too afraid to invest in some lump sum to understand this better?
Given this, I urge the committee to reconsider my last grant application.
- Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq (Clearance Level 2).
Mar 24, 202█
Grant ID 1531202A
Site 65 Budget and Appropriations Committee
Request Granted. Know that this allotment is not up for negotiation. The Foundation has more important issues to deal with than some road that makes people keep to the speed limit.
- Committee Chair Samuel Gracefield
Notes: Dr. Aglukkaq was granted a budget of 32,000 CAD9 for the purposes of further investigation into SCP-XXXX.
Mar 25, 202█
Dr. Aglukkaq's Personal Memo:
50 years ago, the average grant allotted to investigating an anomaly of this scale/classification was around 2.5 million CAD. That amount has been on the downtrend ever since. The explanation that is always given is that there are so many more anomalies for the Foundation to deal with. For some reason, the fact that the resources the Foundation has at our disposal has grown proportionately, if not exceeding that proportion, is never brought up.
Thirty-two grand.
What the hell am I supposed to do with this? What CAN I even do with this?
Apr 3, 202█
Experiment Plan 1
Experiment Goal: To determine the criteria in which the anomalous effects of SCP-XXXX manifests while staying under budget.
Personnel: Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq
Procedure: Dr. Aglukkaq instructed law enforcement personnel usually present in the beginning section of SCP-XXXX to disperse for a period of two weeks. Types of vehicles that entered SCP-XXXX, as well as the anomaly's effects on them were logged (N = 242). A partial log is shown below:
Vehicle & Velocity | Other Notes | Results |
---|---|---|
A four-passenger sedan traveling at speed limit | N/A | No Effect |
A four-passenger sedan traveling at 10 km/hr above the speed limit | Said vehicle was traveling in the leftmost lane | No Effect |
A four-passenger sedan traveling at 25 km/hr above the speed limit | Said vehicle was traveling in the middle lane | Forced to slow to speed limit |
An 18-wheeler shipping truck traveling at speed limit | Said vehicle was empty of cargo | No Effect |
An 18-wheeler shipping truck traveling at 2 km/hr above the speed limit | Said vehicle was loaded with cargo | Forced to slow to 5 km/hr below the speed limit |
A school bus traveling at speed limit | No passengers | No Effect |
A school bus traveling at speed limit | Full of children on their way to a field trip | Forced to slow to 5 km/hr below the speed limit |
A four-passenger sedan traveling at speed limit | Said vehicle was traversing along a curved section of the road where accidents are common | Forced to slow to 5 km/hr below the speed limit |
Afterword: While the exact criteria is not clear, it's clear that the anomaly is actively preferring to act upon certain types of vehicles, especially ones that are carrying passengers or heavy loads. This would suggest that SCP-XXXX is not acting indiscriminately, but there may even be a level of intelligence at work here - Dr. Aglukkaq.
Expenditures: $325 CAD10
Available Budget: $31,675 CAD
May 12, 202█
Experiment Plan 2
Experiment Goal: To ascertain the type and/or nature of the of force being enacted upon vehicles traveling on SCP-XXXX while staying under budget.
Personnel: Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq, D-51211, Agent Marcus Deshawn.
Memo: 'Vehicle' specified in the below test logs refers to Dr. Aglukkaq's personal pick-up truck (Ford F250 2001 model).
To anyone that reads this: Yes. This is hardly up to par for the scientific rigor and precision that one may be used to seeing in test logs in other skips. However, with so many possibilities and so little budget, I had to get creative - Dr. Aglukkaq.
Hypothesis | Usual Equipment | Low-Cost Workaround | Results |
---|---|---|---|
Paramagnetic11 | Vehicle-Mounted Noise-Damping Magnetometer12 | Dr. Aglukkaq assembles a prototype device consisting of a solenoid13 connected to an ammeter, and instructs D-51211 to drive at excessive speeds while he sits in the back seat. Presence of an anomalous magnetic field would induce a current through the prototype via Lenz's law. No induced current could be detected in the device. | NEGATIVE |
Mechanical14 | Standard Foundation-Issue AIC-mounted smart vehicle15 | Dr. Aglukkaq reaches out to an employee in the Site-65 machine shop that he was on good terms with and borrows a dynamometer. Next, D-51125 was instructed to drive at excessive speeds on SCP-XXXX in order to trigger its anomalous effects. Results showed that the vehicle was outputting excess torque as D-51125 attempted to overcome the effects of SCP-XXXX by achieving greater acceleration. | NEGATIVE |
Thaumatic16 | Foundation-Issue Thaumamometer17, Deployment of magic-sensitive specialist18 | Dr. Aglukkaq acquires a scrap of Thamesian Parchment1920 from the Department of Thaumatology, a sensitive magical reagent known for spontaneously combusting in the presence of a thaumatic field above a certain intensity. The sample failed to combust nor react in any way after traveling down the entire length of SCP-XXXX. | NEGATIVE |
Ontokinetic21 | Portable Scranton-Lang Humemometer22Deployment of ontokinetic specialist23 | D-51211 introduces Dr. Aglukkaq to Agent Marcus Deshawn, a class-II (low level) reality bender working for the Department of Ontokinetology at Site-6524. Agent Deshawn is enticed to accompany Dr. Aglukkaq to SCP-XXXX with offers of craft beer, wings, and thin-crust pizza for his troubles. All three personnel were present in the vehicle for the entire duration of the trip along SCP-XXXX. Agent Deshawn reports that he felt no disturbances in the local reality field. | NEGATIVE |
Spacetime25 | Compact Gravity Wave Laser Interferometer2627 | Dr. Aglukkaq synchronizes two analog timepieces and gives one to D-51211, who was then instructed to drive down the entirety of SCP-XXXX at excessive speeds to trigger its anomalous effects. Upon completion of the trip, the timepieces were compared for differences resulting from relativistic effects. No discernible differences between the two timepieces could be found. | NEGATIVE |
Volitional28 | Foundation-issue [REDACTED - Required Clearance: Level 3]29 Deployment of incorporeal-sensitive specialist30 | Dr. Aglukkaq had matched with Serena ███████, a witch active in the local coven3132 on the popular dating app Bumble. For their third date, Dr. Aglukkaq offers to drive out to his favorite stargazing site located near SCP-XXXX. | INCONCLUSIVE See Interview XXXX.1 |
Available Budget: $28,887 CAD
Foreword: This interview was recorded via a visible dash camera in Dr. Aglukkaq's personal vehicle. While not in the scene, Dr. Aglukkaq is driving while Serena ███████ is assumed to be in the passenger seat. The time displayed is 9:45 PM. Extraneous conversation prior to parts relevant for SCP-XXXX has been redacted.
Dr. Aglukkaq: …I didn't take you for the religious type at all!
Serena ███████: No, no, it's not like I go to church or anything. If anything, I bet I'd burst into flames the moment I step inside one. -mutual laughter- But I'm like. super into spirituality and stuff.
Dr. Aglukkaq: You mean that giant magic circle tattoo wasn't just a birthmark? Whaaat?
Serena ███████: Ha-ha, yeah, all witches come with one. Totally standard issue. Speaking of which, is that place you were talking about close by? I don't feel very comfortable going further in this direction35.
Dr. Aglukkaq: I'm sorry. I shoulda told you beforehand but I wanted to surprise you. Are we going too far from your place?
Serena ███████: It's not that. It's just… that place over there just gives me super sad vibes. It's like a black hole of bad energy that threatens to drag me down along with it. -pauses- I never really liked driving on this road if I had to go in that direction, even if I had to take like. a super long way around.
Serena ███████: Oh my god you probably think I'm crazy or something.
Dr. Aglukkaq: No, no. I'm actually really interested in these things too. Like urban legends and the like?
Dr. Aglukkaq pulls over to the shoulder.
Dr. Aglukkaq: Want to tell me more about it?
Serena ███████: -takes a deep breath- So you know how you hear stories about haunted places and stuff? I have a feeling that the stretch of the highway over there is like, one of the most haunted places in the province.
Dr. Aglukkaq: When you say haunted places, the first thing that comes to mind is some creepy house in the middle of nowhere, not the most well-traveled road in Alberta.
Serena ███████: I mean yeah, that's generally the most well-known type because location-bound begrudged ghosts are most likely to manifest in the visual spectrum because their emotional connection and circumstances of death usually leads them to have greater ability to affect the physical plane, you know?36
Dr. Aglukkaq: Well, I don't recall anyone having seen a ghost while driving down the freeway here.
Serena ███████: I mean. Probably because they'd rather be spending their energy elsewhere right? Appearing to the living from beyond the grave takes a lot of energy. But those creepy ghost types you described earlier do it because most of the time they just want to be left alone.
Dr. Aglukkaq: So you're telling me that the ghosts on the '16 would rather be doing something else than to scare the passerby.
Serena ███████: Probably. Like, people watch too many stereotypical ghost movies and think that suddenly people stop having wants and needs and feelings the moment they keel over, but you have to realize that the spirits that stick around do so for a reason. And it's a good enough reason to defy the natural order of things. And from what little I know? That defiance comes at a terrible cost to their soul and being.
Serena ███████: I'm sorry. I probably sounded like a turbo geek just now.
Dr. Aglukkaq: No, no, I think it was super interesting. -pauses- and cute.
Afterword: Dr. Aglukkaq took a nearby exit ramp and reversed directions to find an alternate location for stargazing.
May 13, 202█
Experiment Plan 3
Experiment Goal: Verify Serena ███████'s claims while staying under budget
Personnel: Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq, D-51211
Procedure: A 10 km length of SCP-XXXX was closed down by local law enforcement between time of 2AM to 4AM. Dr. Aglukkaq's car was covered in flour and he instructed D-51211 to attempt to exceed the speed limit along SCP-XXXX by at least 50km/hr during this time. Dr. Aglukkaq sat in the passenger seat, placing various charms and talismans said to purportedly amplify intensity of incorporeal beings.
Results: Christ Almighty.
Expenditures: $80 CAD37
Available Budget: $28,807 CAD
May 16, 202█
Expenditure Report
Grant ID 1531202A
Expenditure: Querying Foundation's regional database using 5th generation artificial intelligence construct Xenophon.aic38
Query | Computation Costs | Results |
---|---|---|
Murder cases Kidnapping cases Missing Persons Cases 1900-2000 Alberta children kids adolescents teens babies | $312 CAD | 217,421 Results |
Murder cases Kidnapping cases Missing Persons Cases 1940-1945 Alberta children kids adolescents teens babies | $2247 CAD | 1,921 Results |
Murder cases Kidnapping cases Missing Persons Cases 1940-1945 Alberta children kids adolescents teens babies dead | $7620 CAD | 341 Results |
Murder cases Kidnapping cases Missing Persons Cases 1940-1945 Alberta children kids adolescents teens babies dead more than 10 victims | $8620 CAD | 4 Results |
Residential schools Alberta 1940-1945 list of students | $1711 CAD | 252 Results |
Residential schools Alberta 1940-1945 closures student transfers | $6128 CAD | 14 Results |
Expenditures: $26,638 CAD39
Available Budget: $2,169 CAD
May 24, 202█
Anomaly Investigation Report
From: Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq
To: Site 65 Budget and Appropriations Committee Committee Chair Samuel Gracefield
Preliminary testing of SCP-XXXX indicates that the anomaly may be displaying a certain level of intelligence, possibly stemming from volitional location-bound incorporeal entities of at least Class IV or higher (Tentatively referred to as SCP-XXXX-A).
In line with these findings, I propose the following course of action:
- Change designation to Euclid
- Verify with greater accuracy and detail the existence of SCP-XXXX-A.
- Investigate further into origin and intent of SCP-XXXX-A.
- Investigate the focal point/locus of SCP-XXXX-A.
- Allotment of appropriate resources to enable the investigation.
Please refer to the attached document for a more detailed explanation. Thank you.
attachment: SCP-XXXX_Report_v1
May 25, 202█
Anomaly Investigation Report
From: Site 65 Budget and Appropriations Committee Committee Chair Samuel Gracefield
To: Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq
Dr. Aglukkaq, there are, quite frankly, several glaring concerns with the report you submitted. As a matter of fact, I cannot believe you even had the temerity to come back to this committee asking for more funding with this report as 'evidence'. Please come see me posthaste.
May 26, 202█
Site 65 Incident Report
Description: On May 26, 202█, Junior Containment Specialist Mukitou Aglukkaq entered the personal office of Site 65 Budget and Appropriations Committee Chair Samuel Gracefield at approximately 1:30 PM local time.
At 1:45 PM, Dr. Aglukkaq was seen exiting Committee Chair Gracefield's office, visibly agitated.
At 2:01 PM, Dr. Aglukkaq is seen driving away from the site's premises with shovels and pickaxes loaded in the bed of his pick-up truck.
At 2:12 PM, An emergency alert is issued from Committee Chair Gracefield's office, and on-site security respond to see Committee Chair Gracefield sprawled out on the floor, heavily bleeding from lacerations and cuts to his face. Committee Chair Gracefield testifies Dr. Aglukkaq as the perpetrator for assaulting him. Due to ensuing damage from the incident, the audiovisual recording system present in the office was damaged and security could not verify the claims.
At 5:23 PM, Foundation agents with aid of local law enforcement were able to apprehend Dr. Aglukkaq on a dirt road adjacent to SCP-XXXX.
Please refer to Interview S65-202█0526-I2 for more details.