SCP-XXXX-J: A Blue Streak

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-J is currently uncontainable at this time. Object may be temporarily distracted/placated by an offering of snacks, money, or alcohol, allowing the target to escape.

Object Description: SCP-XXXX-J, also known as Dr. Lili [REDACTED] is an approximately [REDACTED] year-old, nearly 2m tall, 80-kg Eurasian woman, with black hair, pale grayish skin, and gray eyes. Object is extremely hostile and has anomalously foul language, often deafening or traumatizing personnel exposed to it for more than two or three minutes. SCP-XXXX-J is also able to unhinge her jaw and blast a target with a bright blue light, immediately resulting in ruptured eardrums and/or cochleas, brain aneurysms, damage to the eyeballs, and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. Oxendine has estimated that SCP-XXXX-J uses the word “fuck” at least twice in each sentence.

SCP-XXXX-J enjoys fruit, candy, crunchy snacks, and alcohol and may choose to focus on any of these or an offering of money as opposed to any individual or group of people. At the least it may distract her long enough for MTF-Omicron-95 (“Disapproving Grandmas”) to arrive and subdue her.

Incident Report: 10.22.[REDACTED]:

On the morning of 10.22.[REDACTED], SCP-173 breached containment after one of the D-Class Personnel assigned to clean the containment chamber slipped and fell. D-99649 broke eye contact to help him up, and D-8971 broke eye contact while blinking. Upon realizing what happened, SCP-XXXX-J swore loudly, which was caught on an audio recording.

SCP-XXXX-J: Fuck a duck, the fucking creepy statue thing fucking escaped! Someone find a fucking Eye Pod and get it down here, stat! Fucking useless D-Class cunts can’t even clean a Euclid-class object’s fucking containment chamber without fucking something up. Fuck.

While SCP-173 killed five people (including the three D-Class personnel), SCP-XXXX-J’s rant resulted in the death of [REDACTED] people, and permanent damage to the hearing of at least fifteen individuals, including SCP-[REDACTED].

Incident Report: 11.5.[REDACTED]:

On the afternoon of 11.5.[REDACTED], SCP-XXXX-J tripped on a power cord connected to SCP-079. The resulting ten-minute-long profane rant caused SCP-079 to turn itself off. Upon realizing that she “broke” the AI, SCP-XXXX-J continued to rant for an additional ten minutes. Upon re-starting two days later, SCP-079 was heard to ask if the “angry human” was still present. Upon hearing that she had left, the AI was heard to exclaim “oh thank god.”

Incident Report: 12.23.[REDACTED]:

During the lunch break on 12.23.[REDACTED], Dr. Caroline Oxendine was eating a sandwich in the break room when SCP-XXXX-J walked in and immediately targeted her. Dr. Oxendine had her cell phone with her and recorded the entire conversation. SCP-XXXX-J was recorded asking Dr. Oxendine about the status of SCP-[REDACTED], which she was assigned to at the time. Dr. Oxendine answered the question, which immediately sent SCP-XXXX-J into a rage state.

SCP-XXXX-J: You fucking liar, I know you were messing with my notes, everything’s all wrinkly and you got your fucking raspberry seltzer water all over page 3. My fucking office reeks of your nasty-ass hairspray and cigarettes, too. Don’t do it again or I’m going to feed you to 882.

Dr. Oxendine: You know very well I don’t smoke, while you do. You’re smelling yourself.

SCP-XXXX-J: Fuck you! Just for that, I hope you get fucked by 682, you’re certainly fuck-ugly enough to be his type. You’d probably give him fucking food poisoning though.

Dr. Oxendine: We don’t do that either.

SCP-XXXX-J: /unholy screeching sounds interspersed with the word “fuck.”/

Dr. Oxendine was later admitted to the infirmary with vertigo, a ringing sound in the ears, and [REDACTED].

Incident 2.23.[REDACTED]:

On 5.23.[REDACTED], SCP-XXXX-J discovered this document and immediately went to the office of Dr. Oxendine.

SCP-XXXX-J: Fuck you, Caroline, you think you’re soooooo goddamn hilarious. I’m going to shove a cactus up your cunt, eviscerate you, feed what’s left to 682, and [the next forty-five minutes of profanity have been expunged]. Stay the fuck out of my office and delete that stupid fucking file if you don’t want to die.