Per 
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in its original packaging, which is to be kept in a refrigerated containment unit within Site-33. SCP-XXXX is to be supported in a position so that a 32" TV is always visible to it. This TV is to be turned on and tuned into Comedy Central only when procedure 312-Able is being carried out. There are to be no exceptions to this.
In the event of personnel coming into contact with SCP-XXXX, said personnel are to be given a full psychological evaluation and are to be moved to a different site should the evaluation come back positive.
Personnel are only enter the containment chamber to carry out procedure 312-Able1. There will be be no exceptions.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a piece of Oscar Mayer brand bologna that has been dated back to 2018. SCP-XXXX has proved to have psionic capabilities, specifically telekinesis used in most cases to crush things2, that grow daily until procedure 312-Able is performed, which resets this growth. It has been theorized that, should this procedure not be performed for approximately three years, SCP-XXXX will be capable of causing an XK class scenario by means of crushing the world, though it would become capable of destroying its containment chamber after about a month. SCP-XXXX is incapable of speech through normal means, but can communicate via a form of telepathy that uses low frequencies 'spikes' to reach another entities brain. No means to translate these messages has been found, though the recipient will understand the message. Upon interaction will SCP-XXXX, subjects will express a desire to free it or assist it in any way. Subjects who are exposed to SCP-XXXX for longer than ten minutes will begin to worship it, despite any prior religion they had. Subjects who have not been exposed to SCP-XXXX for longer than ten minutes can be removed from the containment chamber with ease and will often disregard their experience. However, subjects who have been exposed to SCP-XXXX for longer than ten minutes will resist any attempts to remove them from SCP-XXXX's presence. Once removed, they will attempt to spread the word of SCP-XXXX and will become obsessed with it.
SCP-XXXX is hostile to any subjects who have not interacted with it, or who have but do not worship it, often using its psionic properties to cause severe concussions or aneurysms. Despite this, SCP-XXXX is very easily distracted, often leaving personnel unaffected if it is provided with any form of entertainment, such as television.
SCP-XXXX was found next to a deceased male, who was assumed to have died in a suicide ritual. Experts have identified that this ritual was one used to gain godly powers, and theorized that SCP-XXXX was created when the piece of bologna from a nearby sandwich was caught in the ritual, transferring the conscience of the person into the bologna. SCP-XXXX was brought to the foundation's attention when a cult was reported to have taken over a trailer park, claiming it was for 'Their holy bologna'. A field agent was sent to investigate, and reported back that they had witnessed a trailer 'fucking crunch in on itself like a soda can'. MTF Epsilon-9 was deployed to neutralize the cult as well as capture SCP-XXXX. During this raid, an on-site interrogation revealed that the use of mustard would block SCP-XXXX's psionic abilities. MTF Epsilon-9 utilized this, and successfully captured SCP-XXXX.
