Understaffed, Overworked, and Poorly Informed.

Journal Entry
Dr. M. Alamo
[10/07/2014 - 1:35 AM]

In case you didn't know, the anomalous item warehouses are really depressing places. It's almost comical just how sad they are. They tick every box on just what makes a room unpleasant. Narrow walking spaces, low ceilings, terrible lighting, a chemical cleaner smell (which often just is there to hide a far more sinister odor) and dozens of technically-not-minimum wage employees that look like they wouldn't recognize the sun if they saw it. Their expressions are flat, dull, and practically indistinguishable from one another, like all of them just have one personality (to share). To be honest, it creeps me the fuck out. I cant blame them though. It doesn't matter how interested in anomalies you are, you get sick of looking at impossible shapes and high-velocity flank steaks eventually. It's really interesting, don't get me wrong, it's just that nothing ever happens here.

Well, almost nothing.

See, SCP Foundation is absurdly good at keeping on top of the high risk/value stuff. The Euclid/Keter stuff, and some of the more valuable Safe class objects are so well guarded and monitored that a not a single breach (intentional or otherwise) has occurred since I started working here. Every Special Containment Procedure has been refined down to exactly what an object requires. Teams of scientists spend years researching objects to tailor-make a containment chamber for them. However, the anomalies without full SCP status are largely ignored by research teams, and instead are sent to people like me to be taken care of. My job is to test anomalies, verify that they continue to manifest, and update the LOA (Log of Anomalous Items) listing with any new information pertaining to the anomaly. Unfortunately, There is a lot of information that isn't in the LOA listing, and that can cause problems sometimes.

Example: Today, at about 3 hours into my shift, I almost killed myself with a scented candle.

The LOA listing said that it was a candle that never melted that would change scents every 5 minutes. Easy, right? So I set a timer, lit the candle, took a deep sniff, and woke up two hours later with a blinding headache. It was chloroform. The scent of the candle was chloroform. The good(?) news is that the anomaly did continue to manifest, and the smell eventually changed and prevented me from suffering any severe brain damage.

NOTE: Capable of creating dangerous gases. Stop using it for holiday celebrations.

When the headache subsided (eventually) I was able to take a look at a few more anomalies though. I got really lucky with these ones, because not only were they exactly what the file said, they were pretty fun to play with. There was this toothbrush, and it had the interesting effect of making me look like a goddamn idiot when I used it. I couldn't move my hand, and instead just shook my head rapidly, rubbing my teeth against the brush like some sort of weird toothpaste goblin.

NOTE: Can cause strain on neck if used for long periods of time.

The next one was this ice cube that didn't melt made the water on my desk hot. My kettle had recently broken, so I pocketed it. It's not super uncommon for people to do that here. Why do you think so many objects are labelled as "Missing" or "Incinerated? The Foundation doesn't willingly destroy harmless anomalies. It would be easy to smuggle out, so I updated the LOA listing with "Missing" and moved on to the next object.

My last anomaly for the day was kind of annoying. It was supposed to be this 129 character string (I won't say what it is but it looked something like Hb67,.vj~CAsn12[{Avjs…etc) that would work as a password for anything. When I attempted to log in with it, It wouldn't work. I typed that goddamn text in so many times, thinking I had made a typo. It took so long to type it in, because a standard US keyboard couldn't enter it and I had to look up the stupid number codes for all the symbols. When I had entered it letter-for-letter for the 28th time, I gave up and called my supervisor for help.

Phone Call Audio Transcript
[REDACTED], Dr. M. Alamo
[10/07/2014 - 5:46 AM]
… Attempting to establish connection
… Connection established. Dialing.

████████: What do you want now M████?
M. Alamo: This anomaly wont manifest and I can't figure out why. It's supposed to be a passcode that works for anything.
█. ████: Oh yeah, that one. You probably made a typo.
M. Alamo: I promise you that I did not make a typo. I've typed it in 28 goddamn times.
█. ████: Weird. Did you try shutting it off and back on again?
M. Alamo: That's not how anomalies work.
█. ████: That's how computers work though. Try it.
M. Alamo: … Still nothing.
█. ████: Really? What's your normal password? Is it the same anomaly or something?
M. Alamo: No, it's not that.
█. ████: Well what is it? It might be interfering with the anomaly.
M. Alamo: … Password.
█. ████: Really?
M. Alamo: Yeah.
█. ████: Change it.
M. Alamo: You think that could be interfering with the anomaly?
█. ████: No, I think password is too easy to guess and you're a dumbass for using it. Change it or you're fired.
M. Alamo: Okay okay, you don't have to threaten me.
█. ████: … M████? Any updates?
M. Alamo: What the fuck? The anomaly works now.
█. ████: See? I told you it would fix it!
M. Alamo: No, you didn't, you told me to change my password.
█. ████: Yeah, and it fixed it! Update the LOA with a list of exceptions, okay? Oh! Also, S████ called in sick so guess who's working a double s-

… Attempting to establish connection
… Failed to establish connection. Ending Call.

[CALL ENDED]
[10/07/2014 - 5:46 AM]

Dodged a bullet there.