Memeticist Bobcat


Item#: SCP-███-J

Object Class: █████

Special Containment Procedures: MTF-█████████-256 and Researcher "Doc" Daneeka are to ████████████████████████████████████████. ████████████████,██████████ ███████████████████████████████ [EXPUNGED] ██████████ but should that happen, it is to be considered a ZK-end of the world-class event. In addendum, ████████████ [EXPUNGED] [EXPUNGED] [EXPUNGED] █████████████████████████████████████ and the military police are to ████ ███████████████████████████ █████████████████████. ███████,███████████████ ██████████████████████████████ under any circumstances. For example, have you ever heard the story about the two beautiful blondes who were on their first visit to a nudist camp when one of them suddenly noticed that ████████████████████████ ██████████████ ████████████████████████ ████████████ █████████████████
███████████████████████████"Well, I didn't know that he played the violin."1

Failure to follow these procedures will result in ████████.

Description: [EXPUNGED] and [REDACTED FOR POTENTIAL COGNITO-HAZARD] and are theorized to ███████████ █████████████████████████████████ █████████████████ ████████

███████████████████████████████████████████ █████████████████████
█████████████████████████ █████████████ ██████████████ ████████████
████████████████████████████████████ ██████████████████████████████

██████████████████████████████████████████████ ███████████████████

Testing logs:
███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ ████████████████████


I yearn for you dearly, my love.
~A.T. Tappman, Site [Redacted] Chaplain


[Addendum I] Redaction and Censorship were preformed by Agent John Yossarian Washington Irving

[Addendum II] "Agent Washington Irving" is to be considered an insurgency spy. Any and all information pertaining to his whereabouts will result in a swift promotion and many rewards, including but not limited to:
A date with Katy Perry
A date with Tom Hanks
A date with [REDACTED]
A swift execution of one of your enemies, without trial, by mandate of the O5-council.
Untold riches and wealth from SCP-███ [Note: look, we didn't realize that ███ was Keter and extremely hostile, okay?]
An upgrade from D-class to E-class2
An upgrade from your current security clearance to the next on the hierarchy.3
Three D-Class whom have been excused from termination, and will be your servants until you die, when they will fight to the death in ritual combat
Immediate dictatorial rule of O5-council [Overruled by O5-11]

Please take any and all relevant information to the site-101 Criminal Investigation Department [CID]

Oh, man, Head Researcher Researcher is gonna get it now, that BASTARD! ~Agent Yossarian

Note from O5-2: Agent Yossarian is exempt from the reward of execution of enemies, and Head Researcher Researcher "Caleb" Researcher is exempt from execution. This will continue until further notice.

Goddammit. ~Agent Yossarian

[Addendum III]

[Addendum IV] Interview transcribed by Agent Joseph Heller.

Anomalous phrase

The following file contains a virulent infohazard. Due to this, it is imperative that all personnel accessing this file be certified as having a Cognitive Resistance Value (CRV) of no less than 30.80. Should you fail an automated CRV verification, please remain calm and do not move. An MTF will be with you shortly. Have any unaffected staff leave the room so as not to be caught in the memetic shrapneling. Please do not resist the MTF's operations. Please do not call out, as that can spread the memetic effects.


Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Unfortunately, there is no way to contain SCP-1988-J as of yet4 , but MTF-Psi-101 has been formed to combat it's spread via amnestics and deletion of relevant internet threads.

Description: SCP-1988-J is a phrase that has gained memetic properties. It can effect certain documentation, such as writing5 adversely. It is theorized that if it's spread is not stopped, then there is a possibility of full memetic containment breach, ending in an XK-class end of/restructuring of/chaotic reality incident, or a XYZ-class end of civilization scenario. This is to be prevented at all costs, and any foundation employees found abusing SCP-1988-J are to be considered Chaos-Insurgency operatives, and are to be summarily shot on the spot. MTF-Psi-101 will arrive to subdue any large-scale breaches and [REDACTED] [REDACTED] but, if that happens, then [O5-LEVEL SECURITY CLEARANCE REQUIRED] and the remains are to be blessed by a priest of Abrahamic faith. In addition, O5-LEVEL CLEARANCE IS NEEDED TO TEST ON SCP-1988-J. BREACH OF THIS RULE WILL RESULT IN COURT-MARTIAL, AND EVENTUAL EXECUTION OR DEMOTION TO D-CLASS. This is imperative to everybody's safety.

Should a containment breach be detected, all staff are to either avert their eyes to prevent the memetic effect, or, if affected, cooperate with the effects until MTF-101 arrives. Contrary to popular belief, a meme that has breached the internet is not unable to be contained, persay, but small examples or samples of it can be contained within a containment cell, and the standard memetic containment cell for examples of SCP-1988-J is [REDACTED] wide by [REDACTED] tall by 40' deep, creating a perfect [REDACTED], which helps slightly, but is undermined, as when anybody preforms a procedure 22-Kappa-12, it causes SCP-1988-J to breach and summarily cause any and all staff within a ██ foot radius to be forced to [REDACTED FOR COGNITOHAZARD], which is thought to be part of a summoning ritual, but as of breach number ██, by far the worst and slowest contained breach, no evidence has been found to support that. It is also theorized that if enough people are affected by a breach, then [DATA EXPUNGED] with up to 90k people dead or injured past 9.2 on the Garamond-Sikorsky SCP-Injury scale. IF [DATA EXPUNGED] AND SHOULD PROCEDURE 88-KAPPA-UPSILON BE PREFORMED, THEN THE ONSITE NUKE WILL BE DETONATED, KILLING MOST ON-SITE, AND MTF-E-11 [Nine Tailed Fox] WILL BE DEPLOYED TO KILL ANY AND ALL SURVIVORS, REGARDLESS OF RANK, UP TO AND INCLUDING MEMBERS OF THE O5-COUNCIL.

Testing logs:
Note: Due to a formatting error, the logs appear green and have arrows in front of them. Engineering is working on it. ~Head computer engineer Draco

1988-J: Test one ##
Subject[s]: D-1988/1 ##
Researcher[s]: Memeticist Ben Lyleton, Researcher Carly ##
Others present: Agent Cassidy, Guard A-98 ##
Start log: Time: 10:55 Hours##
>D-1988/1 is prompted to enter containment cell by Memeticist Ben Lyleton
>D-1988/1 is resistant, saying "Oh, hell no. I quite like living, and I'm sure there's some kind of monster in there."
>Researcher Carly reassures D-1988/1 that there is no monster in there, and that it's safe.
>D-1988/1 continues to resist, explaining that she believes that the foundation is a bunch of lying scumbags and, besides, she's going to be terminated at the end of the month anyways.
>Agent Cassidy reaffirms the prompt to enter the containment cell.
>D-1988/1 continues her refusal.
>Guard A-98 points his M-14 assault rifle at D-1988/1 and attempts to convince D-1988/1 to enter the containment cell under the threat of having her brains blown out. D-1988/1 complies.
>D-1988/1 is visibly nervous
>D-1988/1 reaches for the door handle, shaking.
>D-1988/1 opens the door
>Get on the floor
>Everybody walk the dinosaur
End log7

Bob Breaches Containment

"Sit, Lyleton."

Memeticist Ben Lyleton sat down at O5-7's desk. "You understand why I called you here, yes?"

Lyleton nodded. "Yes, and I would like to say that what happens in SCP-███'s cage stays in SCP-███'s cage."

O5-7 blinked. "I didn't call you about that, and I'll have that investigated later. No, I called you here about the meme you let breach the SCiPnet."

"Oh, you mean Bob?"

"Christ, yes, that one."

Lyleton leaned back in his chair. "What's wrong with it?"

O5-7 turned a desk monitor to face him. "Look."

/ \
This is Bob. Help Bob take over the SCiPnet Forums.
~Memeticist Ben Lyleton

☻/ Yes, comrades, we shall rule the whole of SCiPnet!
/▌ Long live the new revolution!
/ \
~Agent Heinrich Cassidy

☻/ Comrades, not only do I bring Bob, but a new Comrade to the army;
/ \
░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
~Captain Strelnikov

This land is good and Fertile.
We shall rule over this land, and we shall call it…
This land.
~Researcher John Morton

▌ |
▌ ☻
▌ /▌\
▌ / \

Bob has been court-martialed and hung for being a Chaos Insurgent.
~Agent Heinrich Cassidy

Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
~Researcher John Morton

/ \
NO! Bob lives again!
~Agent Catalina Karina

Really, guys? Really? This is a Keter-Class SCP that breaks loose every other Friday, and you want to make jokes? The discussion section is for researchers sharing their findings, not assholes cracking wise. Grow the fuck up.
~Doctor August Carson

Dispatch MTF-Bob-1 to Doctor Carson's house!
☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/ ☻/
/▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌ /▌
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \
~Agent Hamilton Salazar

Roger, do you need chopper support?
    ╭╬╮         ◢
  ╙O ╙O
~Captain Nicholas Bern

MTF-Bob-1, armored section, is in position!
░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
~Head Engineer Daniels Blue

I hate all of you.
~Doctor August Carson

"This is bad enough as is." Said O5-7. "So, let me ask, why did you clear a years-old meme for safe use, when you knew that this would happen?"

Lyleton stared in awe at the comments thread. "This… This is beautiful. I never imagined that my baby would go so far…" Lyleton began to cry a single tear as he hummed "The Star Spangled Banner".


"God… Bless… America… Land… That I Love… Stand Beside Her… And Guide Her…"




Lyleton jumped back into his seat. "Right sorry."


"Ah, yes, right, Bob." Lyleton sat up and folded his hands, professionally. "I did it, because, you see, sometimes, well, how can I put it?"


"Well, you see, somebody once told me, that the world, was gonna roll me. Now, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. But she was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb-"

O5-7 took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "Two months in the stockade, and a court-martial. Now, get out."

As Lyleton strolled out, very pleased with himself, O5-7 wondered what she had done to deserve this. Suddenly, the printer in her office lit up. A fax.


"Oh, what now?"

The fax was horrific:

░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░─╤▌██ |
Notice: This fax sent to everyone in site 15. Please print out copies of the copypasta and fax them to everybody. We may have been driven off the web, but WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER! WE WILL FIGHT ON THE BEACHES! WE WILL FIGHT IN THE HEDGEROWS! WE WILL FIGHT IN THE HALLWAYS OF EVERY FOUNDATION OFFICE! LONG LIVE BOB'S ARMY!

O5-7 looked outside her office. Flyers of Bob and his army were taped everywhere, and a paper airplane hit her in the head. When she unfolded it, it said:

\ ╲
┌╮ \ ╲
╰──── / ╱▒▒——╯
/ ╱
/ ╱

O5-7 went back into her office, and took out a sidearm. She put it to her head. Then, she stopped.

"The only way to stop a meme…" She contemplated for a second. "…Is to MAKE ANOTHER!"

This is the Researcher SCiP.
/ \
Bob has taken over SCiPnet. Help Researcher SCiP take it back.
By mandate of the O5-Council.


It was a cold February day when Bach took Karl to see his newest piece.
It was in a snow covered clearing deep in the woods, but not too deep in. There was a circle of snowmen holding picket signs and posed as if walking in a circle, rather reminiscent of a certain piece of Calvin and Hobbes art, except with the signs bearing anti-foundation slogans, and poorly made copies of memetic-kill agents that would, at most, give you a headache from all the colors going on. Karl was not impressed.

"So… What exactly is going on here?"

Bach clapped his hands together. "Ah! Well, using the powers bestowed upon me by the AWCY? and, as the uncultured foundation might call it, SCP-███, I have made an ironic expression of my frustration at the foundation and, by doing so, exposed the foundation to scrutiny in the public eye-"

"Yes, yes, yes, that's all fine and good, but,-" Karl examined a snowman as if it would cause something to happen. "What is, well, OFF about it?"


Karl leaned against the snowman, causing it to split in half and fall over. "Yes, exactly. What breaks norms and smashes taboos? What causes revulsion and horror in the uncultured public? WHAT, and I mean this sincerely, will make me think 'If we weren't cool before, we sure are now!'?"

Bach cried a single tear at the destruction of his art, but not too large of a tear, or else he wouldn't be an inspired Auteur anymore. "Well, if you stare at some of the signs too long, you get a headache. Also, I think it's a brilliant deconstruction of tropes, and it smashes the one, single taboo we've never been able to break."

"Really?" Karl sat down on the remains of the snowman. "Pray tell, because to my cultured, trained eye, it looks like a piece of cliche, trite, uninspired garbage."

"Well, I want you to really think."

"Fine. I think that it's trash, therefore, it is." Karl crossed his arms. "Anything else you want from me, Herr asshat?"

"No, not like that. Really think!" Bach leaned upon another snowman, also destroying it. "What's the goal of Are we cool yet?"

"Well, the manifesto says-"

Bach slapped him. "There is no manifesto."

Karl rubbed at the red mark left by Bach's hand. "Well, then, the SO CALLED nonexistent manifesto says that our goal is, and I paraphrase, "TO break norms, smash taboos, and finally, in the end, become cool."

"Right. Now, would you agree that being cool is to be different and original?"

Karl scratched at his arm. "Sure, that's what we're working toward, isn't it?"

"Right, now, would you say that in order to smash norms and break taboos-"

"Break norms and smash taboos." Corrected Karl.

"You miss my point. Anyways, in order to do that, one becomes an Auteur, yes?"

"Yes, so?"

"Now, if EVERYBODY is a brilliant auteur, then everybody is "cool", yes?" Bach made airquotes.


"Now, if everybody is cool, then, in reality, nobody is, since everybody is, and is doing, the same thing, yeah?"

"Bach. Stop talking. NOW." Karl stood up, with clenched fists and a face wrought with worry.

"So, ergo, we are not cool."

Karl's whole existence was shattered before him.

"So, ergo, to be cool, we must now be trite, unoriginal, and pander to our audience. Thus, we will regain our status as brilliant Auteur until the paradigm shifts and we go back to our "original" conception of "Cool"" Bach made a scholar's cradle with his hands to show that he was

Karl had his face in his hands. His whole existence was a lie. Now, he couldn't even shoot himself, it was so trite [In the sense of what used to be "Bold"] and uninspired [In the sense of what used to be "Original"]. He looked up at Bach with tears in streaming down his face. "Please… Please say it isn't so…" he cried in a quiet voice.

Bach grinned. "Fine, I admit that, in true Watterson fashion, the snowmen only eat children when no adults are around."

Karl stared, wide eyed. Then, he broke into a small smile. Then, all at once, meaning returned to life, and he started to laugh.

"Ah, Bach, I knew you were kidding me!" He wiped the tears from his face with a jacket sleeve, and Bach wrapped a hand over his shoulders.

"C'mon, let's get some lunch. There's this new cafe in town that I want to try.

As they strolled out of the clearing, the screams of small children could be hear from behind them.

And by the broken god, it was glorious.

This one SCP, yeah?

This thing's number: ####

How bad is it: Psh, who cares.

How to prevent it from wrecking shit: Just, I dunno, shoot whoever and give them some fucking amnestics if they're really important.

What does this thing do: So, yeah, this one's a real bugger. What happens is, if you find out about it, then you're incapable of writing in a way that would be considered formal. Or talking. See, if this were formal, I would've called that "communicating", but see, I can't cuz this thing sucks.6

Some shit went down here and we wrote it down cuz the people need to know

People who were there: This one bloke, this other bloke, the bloke they gave a gun to.
People who those other blokes studied: This shithead who's gonna be shot in a month haha.
[So, yeah that one bloke, he tells the guy in the orange jumpsuit to read about the thing, yeah?]
Orange-man: "No."
That other bloke: "Reeaaad it. C'mon, I ain't got all day."
That first bloke: "I'm sorry, what are we studying again?"
[That other bloke explains it to that first bloke.]
That first bloke: "Maaan, that be the shit. This place sucks. Let's ditch this Popsicle stand."
So, basically: Both blokes bugger off to saint elsewhere, leaving only gunboy and orangeman.

This thing has no memetic effects. This thing is just an excuse for all of you to write informally and swear, isn't it? ~Doctor Sorts

Look, man, the government swept most of us up in the prime of our lives and trapped us here so that we can eventually die a horrible death at the hands of [REDACTED], and you think we have no reason to be a little pissed? We had our lives ahead of us. We had friends, family, a life outside of work. We have none of that now. Our life IS our work. Come on, let us have at least this. ~Memeticist Ben Lyleton

No, I'm sorry, this can't happen. The deletion council will vote on this tomorrow. ~Head Researcher Gregory.

Memeticist Introduction Seminar Transcript, 8/9/2018, Infohazard Division Report on Security breach no. 98263 of 99587, Dismissed.

Report 8/9/2018-199

Doctor Sorts is missing after SCP-███/SCP-682—Incident no. 28557.
Doctor Sorts is needed to give memetics induction seminar.
Memeticist required in lieu of Sorts.
Most of memetics staff is off-duty.
Problem deemed O5-Level.
O5-Council meets to solve crisis.
Mid-level memeticist Ben Lyleton available.
O5-Council closes issue and goes to lunch.
End Report

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?
Right, I see that it is. Sorry about the feedback.
If you're here, then you've been chosen by the government for- yes, you.
With the insane haircut. No, the other one.

Yes, Doctor Sorts was SUPPOSED to be on this stage, but, uh, there were… complications. Classified ones.
Anyways, as I was saying, you've been scooped up by the government. I'm sure that they explained it all in the rookie induction. You specifically have been chosen to work in memetics. What exactly IS memetics, I hear you ask?
Well, I could, on one hand, just repeat what Doctor Sorts usually says. But instead, I'll give you the cliffnotes version: MEMETICS is simply the subconscious act of comprehension.
There's no trick to it. The words you hear right now are memetic. The difference between the words you hear now and the words that you hear, whispered, in a raspy yet moist voice, when you look at the eldritch runes painted on the wall, is that when you hear THESE WORDS, they don't cause you to want to murder everybody named "Matilda" in San Dimas. Normal words can be taught and manipulated to cause this effect, anomalous words simply cause.
In addition, [DATA EXPUNGED].

Assuming that you heard nothing there, that was a test of your memetic-information blocking reflex. Our top scientists were able to engineer certain information in such a way that when you hear it, you don't. All of this is about comprehension. When you become a higher level, we'll re-engineer your brain so that you can pick up scraps of it, each promotion gaining more and more comprehension, until you finally can see the whole picture.

Oh! Pictures! That's right, I forgot to mention, since words on a page are really just pictures arranged to have meaning, just as a painting is just colors arranged to have a shape, the right— or wrong— picture can cause you to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Your brain pieces together the meaning of the colors blended together, and then, comprehension.

Also, sounds arranged in a certain way can have the same affect.

Also thinking about something.

Also thinking about thinking about- look, as long as it can be "Understood" in a very esoteric definition of the word, it can be abused for memetic purposes. Now, when you're working here, you'll be working with the kinda things that will kill you if you think about them for a second. This is dangerous, as there are many seconds in a day, and the average person thinks quite a lot on a daily basis.

Not all the things will kill you. Some will just bounce around, never quite being contained, but always there, just sitting in the back of your head until you release it, sorta like how if you picture a grassy field, and there's a creature that moves freely though the imaginations of whoever thinks of it, and— Whoops! There it goes! Better look for it in your daydreams!

Lame jokes-slash-minor containment breaches aside, just try not to think too hard, or read into anything, or even read, or actually take time to Comprehend whatever we're working with, and you should make it through your first year in no time!

I wouldn't count on the second year, though, given how many new recruits we have to take in…

Anyways, you're all free to go, now. Not free as in "Go home" free, I mean, you can go to the next orientation.

There's no secret training, unless you're REALLY SPECIAL in that regard. If you are, Have fun in the desert with the lizard king.

Secure Facility Dossier: Minor Site 101

rating: 0+x

SCP Foundation Secure Facility Dossier

Official Designation: SCP Foundation Research and Containment Facility

Site Identification:Site-101


Founded: March █th, 1999.

Founding Director: [REDACTED]

Location: ██ avenue, ██ street, Springfield, [REDACTED], United States

Cover Story: Johnny's Prime [REDACTED]s and cheeses

Site Function: Research, "Containment"

Size: Cover Building: Area of ██ square feet by ██ square feet [Area within underground facility varies from floor to floor]

Offices and Wings:

Floor I: Cover building, entrance through "Manhole Cover"
Floor II: Security Checkpoint
Floor III: Stairs to lower levels/elevator
Floor IV: MTF-Psi-101 Armory, Barracks.
Floors V-XXIV: Research and Temporary Containment.
Floors XXV-XXX: Bunker and underground farms.7


Site Director: Dr. [REDACTED]8

Asst. Site Director: Memeticist [REDACTED]

Asst. Dir. of Personnel: Dr. Kaleb Morley

Asst. Dir. of Facilities: Dr. Cassius Gengren

Asst. Dir. of Research: Dr. Heinrich Muttonburg

Asst. Dir. of Containment: Memeticist Charles Minamoto

Asst. Dir. of Task Forces: Senior Agent Jan Henrys

On-Site Personnel: 292

    Department Heads: 7

    Staff Doctors: 12

    Staff Researchers: 109

    Administrative Personnel: 66

    Maintenance or Janitorial: 33

    Security Personnel: 20

    D-Class: 188 62 8 8971 around 200 15 exactly 500 male and 500 female 289 288 2769

    Other Personnel: 45

Anomalies Currently Under the Jurisdiction of Site-101


SUMMARY: Foundation Site 101 is a minor site, situated in a civilian area so as to not cause the suspicion aroused by a government base in the middle of a desert. Foundation Site 101 is NOT a site for recently conscripted employees. It is instead to be used as a transfer site, where more experienced employees can be sent for work and/or disciplinary reasons10. By no means are any researchers under level-two to be transferred to Site 101.

Foundation Site 101 is, as many foundation sites are, a mainly subterranean complex, with the buildings on the surface being used as a cover story, such as a nondescript office building. Site 101. however, forgoes the traditional office building, and instead is a moderately busy [REDACTED] & Cheese shop. This works two ways: One: It provides a steady source of extra income for experiments, and Two: It evades the suspicion of an office building appearing in an otherwise sleepy suburb.

Foundation Site 101, while technically used as containment for certain memetic SCPs, is really only meant as research. The current SCPs are on a waiting list for proper containment, but since they're mostly harmless, and the list isn't getting any shorter, every few years they're pushed back down so that SCPs considered more important could be contained.11

ANOMALIES:Site 101 has one space-time anomaly and three spatial. The spatial anomalies are to be expected in any site, and they exist as only quarters of millimeters, so they are not to be accounted for otherwise here. The anomaly in space-time appears to be related to the standard Garamond-Sikorsky Sanity/Outside Compulsion Tests that are often used to test subjects after they've been exposed to a memetic SCP. The test entails using a Garamond-Sikorsky Testing Chair to cause a brief spatial and time anomaly which is used to measure [REDACTED]. This can occasionally cause [REDACTED] but the fail-safe has only needed to be activated twice in know records, and both times, the fail-safe failed. Both models recalled and shipped back, in the hopes that next time, the fail-safe will work in an emergency.12


Access Denied by Order Of O5-Council