sans the skeleton

Item #: SCP-442-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-442-J is to be contained in a Standard Secure Humanoid Containment Cell at Research Sector-02. Only personnel with Level 3 Security Clearance or higher are permitted access to SCP-442-J's cell.

SCP-442-J is to be given any item it requests so long as they are not a threat to security. SCP-442-J
may leave their cell as long as they are accompanied by 2 or more Field Agents. SCP-442-J is not allowed to leave it's cell upon request, and may only leave by permission of personnel with Level 3 Clearance or higher. See Incident-442-J-1-A

Due to the nature of SCP-442-J, any attempt SCP-442-J makes to escape should initiate standard lockdown procedure. Lethal force is ineffective incapacitate SCP-442-J. Instead, personnel seeking to secure SCP-442-J should attempt to capture it. See Incident-442-J-1-A.

Description: SCP-442-J is a sentient skeleton sporting a blue and white hoodie, black and white shorts, and slippers. SCP-442-J is capable of human speech and has a strong liking towards puns.

SCP-442-J's most notable attribute is it's ability to dodge all oncoming damage. SCP-442-J has shown to be incredibly skilled in combat, so much that it is considered impossible to attack him. The only time SCP-442-J has been able to be attacked is when it is asleep.

The foundation has chosen not to terminate SCP-442-J for it's potential use in exterminating Keter class threats such as SCP-682, see _. SCP-442-J has been able to move away from damage at speeds of ███ Km/s with absolute precision. Because of this, conventional methods of neutralizing the subject are considered ineffective

Numerous tests have been conducted to determine what can hit SCP-442-J, so far, SCP-442-J has been able to evade any attack directed towards him when awake. It is not known how SCP-442-J performs these rapid movements or why it can only do this when danger is imminent. Multiple experiments have been conducted to see how SCP-442-J dodges these attacks, results are inconclusive. See __

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+ Incident-442-J-1-A

On 11/22/201█, SCP-442-J attempted to escape containment after requesting to leave it's cell for some "fresh air". After which SCP-442-J used one of it's own bones to attack the Field Agents guiding SCP-442-J, incapacitating them both.

One of the Field Agent's recovered attempted to fire their CZ-75 SP-01 at the subject. SCP-442-J evaded twenty (20) shots. SCP-442-J then taunted the field agent, commenting "did you really think that would work?". The second field agent initiated standard lockdown procedure. SCP-442-J then proceeded to evade every attack from the two field agents while incapacitating them with it's own bones.

Note: How exactly was SCP-442-J supposed to get "fresh air?" Research Sector 02 is miles away from anything organic. SCP-442-J should no longer be allowed access outside of it's cell, and the Field Agents responsible for this are to be discharged intermediately. Dr. Ebott

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+ Experiment Log-442-J

The following are objects employed in an attempt to damage SCP-442-J, so far, SCP-442-J has yet to been hit whilst awake.

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Object: 7.62mm bullet fired from a M14 rifle.

Test Result:
Subject evaded every bullet without avail. Attempts to lead subject into a bullet failed, along with subject leaving a comment about the shooter's aim.

Consensus:
Dr. Garcia is now spending additional break hours improving his aim.

Note: We are aware that the subject is incapable of being attacked by conventional means. But it is important to have this information on record. -Dr. Smith

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Object: Class-D personnel armed with a baton.

Test Result:
Subject evaded all of the Class-D personnel's swings. Subject continued to taunt the personnel until they collapsed from exhaustion, at which point the subject picked up the personnel's weapon and killed them with a single swing. Subject sarcastically asked if it was okay to kill him after landing the blow.

Consensus:
Subject can also evade close-ranged attacks as well. Again, we knew this already. This was a waste of a Class-D Personnel.

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Object: SCP-504

Test Result:
Subject was instructed to tell SCP-504 a pun. Subject proceeded to ask Dr. Garcia what instrument a skeleton plays. Dr. Garcia complied and subject responded "a sax-o-bone". Almost immediately SCP-504 gravitated towards the subject at an estimated speed of ███ Km/h. Subject danced around SCP-504 at similar speeds until SCP-504 landed into a wall and splattered. Subject commented saying "guess it didn't like my pun."

Consensus:
Interesting. SCP-442-J can evade other anomalous objects. We must perform additional testing. -Dr. Anderson

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Object: SCP-682

Test Result:
Subject was transported in SCP-682's containment unit. SCP-682's containment unit was drained of acid and personnel placed the subject in SCP-682's containment unit. The subject and SCP-682 shared the following dialogue before engaging in a fight that lasted eighty-two (82) hours, with the subject winning.

Subject: hey, you look familiar, you used to live in █████████, didn't you?

682: [Unintelligible groans]

Subject: not much for conversation? huh.

Subject: anything you wanna say before, y'know.

682: [Mumbles] I will destroy you..

Subject: welp. i was hoping your last words would be a bit more profound, oh well.

SCP-682 failed to hit the subject every single time. Subject attempted to talk with SCP-682 multiple times within the first hour of fighting, SCP-682 would not say anything. By the 5th hour, SCP-682 was incredibly enraged and was attacking near aimlessly out of frustration. By the 12th hour, subject manifested what appeared to be a goat skull that fired a plasma beam out of it's mouth. Subject continued to use these along with other skeletal manifestations to destroy 90% of SCP-682's body mass. By the 82nd hour, SCP-682 had stopped moving. After 10 minutes of inactivity, the subject was retrieved from SCP-682's unit. After entering safety, the subject proclaimed "he'll be back".

Consensus:
Amazing, we might be able to employ 442-J as a method for neutralizing 682. We may be able to use 442-J in combination with other SCP subjects to eliminate SCP-682. Please send this security footage of the fight to 05-personnel as soon as possible. Dr. Ebott

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lol why the fuck did i waste 2 hours on this