The following are various log entries made by Foundation members regarding 5311, its entities, and Mr. Arkann.
ENTRY ONE:
Arrived on site. Arkann, who was previously contacted by a dummy representative, greeted us. An appearance of 5311-F caused two team members to flee, and one more fled when 5311-F approached them. Remainder of group opened fire, which Arkann discouraged. He told the team "Don't do that," then addressed the creature: "Sorry about that, Thurgood. These are the guests I told you about. Could you let everyone else know?" The creature nodded and sauntered away. Arkann apologized for 5311-F's sudden appearance and invited us inside. Agents who fled were given the "all-clear" sign and returned. No sign of 5311-F, leading one team member to remark, "How does something that huge hide from us?" Arkann replied, "Thurgood doesn't mean any harm. He's always appearing and disappearing, but goodness knows where." He then elucidated on 5311-F's behavior and abilities, which were logged.
Upon entering the manor, we were repulsed by 5311-A, D, H, and K, each displaying various degrees of contempt and mistrust. Arkann attempted to make peace between both parties and "introduced" us to the anomalies. The 5311-K shot at one of us, but before we could return fire, Arkann reprimanded it, threatening to send it "to see Randall". The leprechaun apologized and soon disappeared. When we asked who Randall was, Arkann gave us a nervous expression, asking if we really wanted to know. We convinced him to lead us to the basement, whereby we encountered 5311-C and J, and vacated the premises. All entities encountered were logged.
It should be noted that almost every early encounter with 5311-J has resulted in the agent fleeing the property in fear. Some D-class tolerate its presence, but only Arkann seems unaffected by it. Confronting 5311-J seems to have no effect; indeed, to paraphrase Nietzsche, staring into the void only causes the void to stare back, hissing and groaning as it bares its teeth.
ENTRY TWO:
Assuming the duties of the previous team, which was rebuked for negligence and "cowardice". Met with Arkann again but did not encounter 5311-F or K. Was given a "tour" of the manor, alongside 5311-D, who howled and spat at us (which Arkann berated it for). One team member went AWOL when 5311-I appeared underneath a rug, which Arkann confessed was a rare occurrence. He then proceeded to stomp on the rug, and the team member was called back. Encountered 5311-H going to the second floor; it passed directly through two agents, who were both reduced to gibbering and keening. Arkann explained which side of the staircase to use in order to avoid it and continued. An instance of 5311-H was seen again, frightening more of the team. Arkann casually dismissed it and took us through several rooms, where various anomalies were encountered. A woman with ailurophobia panicked and fled when 5311-B was seen in the rafters of a library; two more ran when it began speaking to them. Arkann simply petted the creature and encouraged the team to resume the tour.
As the team continued, instances of 5311-H and J were encountered, attacking or following three of the team. Arkann instructed us to ignore 5311-J, adding, "There's nothing else you can do. Just walk around and it'll move on. And don't worry about Panurge. At least he cleans up after himself, unlike most of these bums." He gestured to the surroundings, glaring at 5311-D, who just grinned. More rooms were visited, though no encounters came of it. Some AWOL team members attempted contact, but were reprimanded and instructed to return to base (the team member with ailurophobia was located several days later, given counseling, and returned to duty, though she refused to go near 5311 again).
Arkann concluded his tour in the attic, where 5311-G was seen. All but one team member fled; I remained and observed as Arkann fearlessly approached the doll, combed its hair, sang to it, and shook its hand. We returned to the first floor, where 5311-A was encountered. Several escaped Foundation agents were outside, and were summarily punished. I requested (and was granted) a new team. I logged all entities encountered, and was debriefed on the remaining ones by Arkann. Entities are classified in the order that Arkann encountered them, with 5311-A being the first instance he saw, etc.
ENTRY THREE:
An instance occurred where every anomaly residing within 5311 made an appearance. According to Arkann, this had never happened while he had lived there, but there were records from earlier tenants detailing a similar event. All team members fled the property and underwent counseling. The replacement team arrived four hours later, and was startled to find Arkann in the thick of the havoc, casually sweeping the floor while a chicken was roasting in the oven. He greeted the team and invited them to dinner, offering them umbrellas. When questioned, he just sighed and said, "Panurge is really active today, so watch out." Several projectiles were thrown at Arkann and the team, but the umbrellas deflected them. When asked why all eleven anomalies were active at once, Arkann could only shrug. "They come and go whenever they want," he said, as a dinner plate bounced off his umbrella. He then stated that previous records of this event theorized that all the anomalies might celebrate an "anniversary" together, but as this has never occurred in the fours years of Arkann's residence, he doubted this. "I think they just felt like it, to show off," he added. Instances of 5311-A and I then appeared, causing two members to vomit and another to run, but Arkann resumed eating as if nothing had happened.
ENTRY FOUR:
The 5311-F revealed itself again, frightening or disgusting all agents off the property. A second team was called in and reacted similarly. Finally, two out of five agents sent from a third team remained, though they asked that 5311-F keep its distance. Arkann merely shook his head and sat down at an outdoor table with the large creature, and began chatting with it.
First recorded instance of someone deliberately coming into physical contact with 5311-H, despite Arkann's warnings. The D-class was quickly removed and treated, and no further attempts at contact were made. About half an hour before Arkann left for work that day, the current team was suddenly attacked by 5311-B and I. They attempted to stand their ground while Arkann went about looking for his work shoes. They were thrown at him by 5311-K, and he announced his departure to the anomalies as they attacked the agents. As he walked out the door, Arkann clapped and shouted for the anomalies to stop, which they did, and the agents were left alone. However, 5311-D returned to torment them an hour before Arkann returned, and was subsequently rebuffed when he came through the door. "Lucy," he said, pointing to the creature, "don't make me send you down to Randall. I want you to apologize to these people and promise to be good the next time I'm gone, okay?" The anomaly reluctantly agreed and made signs of remorse before wandering off. Although the newer agents had been debriefed regarding 5311-C, they still insisted on seeing it. Arkann led them down to the basement, and ten minutes later, they all ran screaming from the manor.
After being debriefed, the replacement team commander was quoted as saying, "Who's training these [expletive], anyway? You'd think most of them would be used to seeing [expletive] like this!", to which Mr. Arkann glibly suggested he send Foundation agents to work at retail positions to "toughen them up".
It has been theorized that the reason 5311 is an SCP is not because of the eleven anomalies, but the fact that so many hardened, experienced Foundation agents can be frightened away from it, while a perfectly ordinary man is not. The possibility of cognitive hazards has been ruled out, as they certainly would have affected Mr. Arkann, who lacks Foundation training and equipment. Currently, the latest batch of agents assigned to 5311 have shown much greater tolerance towards the entities, though they still largely depend on Arkann for mediation and containment.
Item #: SCP-5311 ("Mundane Haunted House")
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Since 5311 is a manor, containment is relatively easy. A team of six personnel are to reside in the Foundation dormitory two kilometers away, from which two agents will be selected to conduct studies and investigations of 5311 every three days. Further requests to revolve personnel are denied. Any personnel who goes AWOL will be severely reprimanded. Mr. Arkann is not to leave the property without first giving notice, both to the agents assigned to him and to the anomalies of 5311. If he doesn't, a breach will occur anywhere between thirty minutes and one hour, and Mr. Arkann must be escorted back to 5311. One agent not currently assigned to investigation duty will monitor the movements of Mr. Arkann whenever he leaves 5311, but will not interfere unless in case of emergency. In the absence of Mr. Arkann, the aforementioned team is to follow his instructions when encountering the entities occupying 5311. (See Addendum-B for further details)
Description: SCP-5311 is a dilapidated two-story manor constructed in 1822, located 9km outside the city of [redacted], Massachusetts. It was discovered when a field agent overheard a colleague mention that one of her coworkers lived in a haunted house, and contacted the Foundation to investigate. Despite the condition of the manor, structural integrity, plumbing, heating, cooling, and electricity all meet or exceed standard codes. A path from 5311 leads to a barred iron gate, then to the main road. A stone wall three meters high surrounds the property in all directions. Mr. Bryson Arkann is the sole owner and resident of 5311, and has been granted the continued rights and privileges of a private property owner by the O5 council.
The interior of 5311 is in similarly bad repair as the exterior, although as stated, all utilities function normally. Any attempts to repair 5311 will fail, usually through the interference of one of the anomalous entities occupying 5311 (hereby known as 5311-A through K). The anomalous entities of 5311 are varied in appearance, demeanor, and occurrence, with 5311-D appearing without fail every day, and 5311-I only showing up rarely. The entity 5311-E is of particular interest to the Foundation, and plans for unmanned exploration of its interior are being discussed.
Despite an apparent lack of cognitive hazards, many previous agents assigned to 5311 have demonstrated feelings of intense fear, suspicion, nervous behavior, and nausea while on duty. Further studies have concluded that long-term exposure to 5311 and its anomalies will greatly diminish these sensations. Containment and subjugation of 5311 and its anomalies are to defer to Mr. Arkann until agents have become inured to its effects. Mr. Arkann remains enthusiastic and cooperative in assisting the Foundation in this regard.
Although only eleven anomalies are currently documented, researchers theorize there may be others yet undiscovered, and further investigations have been issued.
Addendum-A: Mr. Arkann has resided within 5311 for four years prior to its discovery by the Foundation, and has since spent another year living there. He exhibits no signs of stress, fatigue, or any negative psychological effects, save frustration towards certain entities. During an early interview conducted with Mr. Arkann outside 5311, a Foundation psychologist asked how anyone could live in a haunted house for that length of time. Mr. Arkann simply stated he had "gotten used to it", and added, "What can I say, people are resilient. They can adjust to anything if they do it long enough." Arkann also added, in a biting bit of dark humor, that after working in retail for five years, there is nothing left for him to be afraid of. His familiarity with the anomalies of 5311 has given him extensive knowledge of their behavior, necessitating his presence and input. Long-term exposure and further training is recommended for current and future researchers.
Mr. Arkann inherited the manor from a deceased relative, along with a yearly stipend of $100,000, providing he continues to live in and maintain the manor, which he readily obliged to. Mr. Arkann currently works in an office in [redacted], where most of his coworkers are aware of his living conditions, though very few have verified it. He maintains a relationship of peaceful tolerance towards the eleven anomalies, despite their horrific appearance and behavior, and even considers some of them a "friend". Mr. Arkann previously despaired of maintaining a social life given his circumstances, but has since expressed joy and relief upon hearing he will have a revolving number of visitors every few days.
The original architect of 5311 set the foundation directly above a high concentration of what he referred to as a "ley line", a conduit of spiritual energy that the manor could channel and focus. He and his followers maintained control over the manor for several years before being driven off by local authorities. The manor was then sold to Mr. Morris Tearsley, who made the unfortunate discovery that, if there is not at least one person living in the manor, then the eleven entities contained in it will run amok and attack nearby towns. Therefore, he decided to reside in the manor himself, and set up a fund that would entice and compensate all future residents. Ownership of the manor is usually hereditary, but there have been two instances where it was given to a trusted friend or business partner. Currently, Mr. Arkann has not designated a successor, and is somewhat reluctant to trust the future of the manor to the Foundation.
Addendum-B: A summary of all 11 known anomalous entities occupying 5311, including containment procedures.
A: Lonely Bob. A shadowy figure who resides on the couch in the den. Preceded by a horrible stench and feelings of terror, nausea, and dread. Playing televised infomercials will subdue it.
B: Giant Cat. An elephant-sized black cat that appears randomly. Capable of speech. Research recommends treating it like a normal cat, including polite conversation.
C: Randall. A voice heard muttering in the basement. Immediately knows the fears and secrets of anyone entering its domain. Arkann has provided agents with a list of songs to sing in order to dismiss it.
D: Lucy. Mr. Arkann's self-proclaimed "companion", she finds her way to his bed every morning. Exhibits capricious behavior. Incapable of speech but Arkann seems to understand her. Contact or containment is highly discouraged. Malicious encounters are to be reported to Arkann.
E: Refrigerator Vortex. A doorway to an alternate dimension located inside Mr. Arkann's refrigerator. Can be contained by opening and shutting the door anywhere between one and four times. Sometimes throws food that Mr. Arkann does not own. Currently under Foundation study.
F: Thurgood. The second-most common entity. A giant, misshapen humanoid described as "frightening and repulsive". Mr. Arkann's closest friend, and presumed to be a former groundskeeper. Capable of speech. Brief, polite conversation held at distances of ten meters is recommended until long-term exposure takes effect.
G: Dolly Madison. An autonomous entity constructed entirely of dolls who resides in the attic. Interaction is dependent on Arkann's presence. No agent is to contact, contain, or approach 5311-G without him.
H: Panurge. A highly active entity seen falling from the ceiling, cackling across the property, or causing havoc in various rooms, though it always cleans up after itself. Sometimes possesses a stuffed moose head, the only time it is contained. Capable of speech. Agents are advised to exercise caution around the moose, as 5311-I works in conjecture with it (see below).
I: Bert. A sporadic entity, it lurks in hidden areas, particularly the chimney or underneath beds, grasping at anything it can reach. Aggressive action, especially striking with blunt objects, will repulse it. All agents must be equipped with tracking devices in the event of capture, and must be rescued within five hours.
J: The Follower. A hulking black mass with large, sharp teeth and glowing white eyes, it follows people wherever they go, hissing and groaning. As containment involves allowing it to behave normally, agents are advised to "keep walking until it goes away". Counseling may be provided upon request. Amnesics are to be discouraged.
K: Leprechaun Cowboy. A small entity seen very frequently, dressed as a leprechaun in boots, chaps, spurs, bandolier, and a ten-gallon hat. Carries a lasso and a gun. Capable of speech. If attacked by its gun (which only emits smoke), agent is to pretend to die, wherein 5311-K will celebrate, tie the agent up, and drag them to a different part of the manor, where they will be untied and offered a handshake. Refusal results in the agent being shot at again, and the process repeated. Accepting the handshake will dismiss 5311-K. Failure to "die" results in several anomalies surrounding the agent, chanting for their death. Further failure results in 5311-I appearing and capturing the agent (see above).
Per 
