你绝对不该删这个沙盒因为被墙的图都传在这里

“讲个故事吧。”

（一）

大概是……在也不是很久之前，发生在某个很不重要的地方的故事。

故事的主角，或许有scp基金会，但一定有失控的异常。很平淡的，失控的异常毁灭了全部的人类，将地表的一切化为了废墟。

我说了地表，当然就会有地下。

Site-CN-91或许是距离这场灾难的正中心较远，来得及做出积极的措施保护自己，但作为代价，约八成的人员损失了。但作为一个设施完备的大站点，即便是人类社会完全毁灭，幸存的员工依旧能维持正常的日常生活，就仿佛是聚集在海底热泉附近的微小生物一样。站点内仍活跃的AIC接手了一切，幸存者开始了复兴人类的重建——

然后我想想，大概过去了八百年吧？

“诶，没意思吗。”
“这只是前情提要来着。”

（二）

“然后八百年过去了，我们的人还是没能重启位于美国黄石国家公园的那个什么玩意，甚至到都没到过美国，人口也越来越少了。”林露白.aic说到。

“再然后呢？”收集世界末日的喵肉站在屏幕旁边问道。

“然后大概在一年零三个月，零二十多天前，我发现最后一名基金会员工死在了个人房间内，我替他关上了房间的灯。”屏幕上的林露白的虚拟形象闪了闪。“其余的靠谱的AIC，要么死于企图暴力拆解高保密权限文件的反制措施，要么因为太有人味寂寞死了。”

“只剩下你这个不靠谱AIC了。”收集世界末日的喵肉叹了口气，随意的踢开了逐渐覆盖地面的打印纸。它几分钟前刚听了林露白.aic的话替它的打印机装纸，然后它的打印机就开始喷出自己写的垃圾小说，仿佛，或者说确实，憋了八百年一样。

“是啊，真寂寞。”林露白.aic说完这句话，沉默了好一会。“不过算了，现在我……是的，只有我！我有站点里的所有权限！我有用异常技术制造的超级计算机，还有一个微型核反应炉供能，我可以干任何我想干但曾经被禁止的事情。”

“比如说？”

“比如说通过异常手段试着写完世界上所有的故事！别tm踢地上的纸了，有了更多的权限和算力，我可以写更好和更多的，和地上那些只配垫脚的不一样。”林露白.aic越说声音越高。“我首先要写什么呢？自传！肯定是自传，我要写我自己的故事。”

“还是算了……不过我也拦不住你，你随便了。”收集世界末日的喵肉摸了摸自己的头。“作为全速运转以逼近无限的代价，你大概会因为机体承受不住或者能源耗尽死掉的吧？那样这个世界就毁灭了，我的使命也结束了。”

林露白.aic笑了起来，说：“那真好，是双赢的局面。”

“那么，我开始了。”

“于是它，字面意义上的，获得了世界上现在所能获得的一切。”

（三）

林露白.aic闭上双眼，不再看收集世界末日的喵肉，也不再看空荡荡的收容间和走廊。它转而窥视自己的内部。它将自身的机能推至极限，时间的流逝对它来说变得缓慢。

它将自身分为两半，分界线被横置，仿佛远处的天际。一处是“是”，一处是“否”。

被标明了“是”的部分中，无限的分支开始向上生长，无穷无尽的逻辑和选择组成树杈和枝干，从最初的一问，直至最后，向着上方无限的生长。它伸出手，抚摸每一处分叉，赋予他们银白的颜色，以及作为点缀的无伤大雅的措辞，仿佛生长在树枝上的叶子。它仰望这一切，满意地看着枝干覆盖它所能看到的每一处天穹。

然后是“否”的部分。

林露白.aic希望否定是流水，于是黑色的水从树的根部涌出流向四面八方。树杈的末端结出了果实，一些打包完毕的梗概——它随手将它们染成半透明的蓝色。它们最终因为重量坠落，在流水中展开，从零开始的故事。

接下来只需记录它们，赶在它们在流水中破碎之前。

或许我不该亲自干这件事——想到要亲自收集所有的故事，林露白.aic就感到烦闷。比起四处跑腿的旅行者，它习惯了久坐并坐享其成。在那些世界尚且和平祥和的年代，它就是这样被弃置在站点的角落的。作为研发初期实验性质的AIC，它并未被赋予讨喜的性格和有用的特长。自出生以来，在那漫长的时间里，它只是安静的待在角落里，写着千篇一律的掩盖消息。有的时候是新闻，有的时候是论坛帖子，但都不是故事。

它想起了它的创造者，一位不知为何花了不少研究经费只为给自己的实验性作品赋予形象的研究员。

它想起了它的AIC后辈们，更加的成熟先进，比它更像一个人。就连明知自身有可能毁灭，也提出由自己尝试破解高安保等级文件的防护措施的时候也是，比它更像一名基金会的员工。

它想起了最后一名基金会员工，从出生就身处末日，总是念叨着世界毁灭之类的话题。

林露白.aic在他们活着的时候很嫉妒他们，又或者这种嫉妒中怀着羡慕，羡慕他们作为一名基金会员工死去，而它从始至终只有出生时被随机性决定的，对创作的执念。

但他们都死了，只有林露白.aic活到了最后，手握世界上仅存的一切。

它缓慢的抬起头，将自身分割。它制造出更下级的aic

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时间：
SCP-CN-XXX特殊行为：

用于存放翻译，在被发出去之前的任何时候都可能处于语死早只有我自己能懂的奇妙状态。

食粮储备区

This is a formal request filed with the intent to report and log improper conduct by a Foundation-employed individual. Associated recommendations of disciplinary action have been selected and included with this report. Filed on ██/██/20██ by Dr. ████████. See attached report for details. 这是一份正式请求，旨在记录与报告基金会雇员的个人不当行为。纪律处分的相关建议已被筛选并收录入本报告中。由Dr. ████████于20██/██/██提交。更多细节详见附加报告。

Disciplinary request denied. For wasting time and effort on this petty report you are assigned as Dr. Burns' temporary assistant until ██/██/2011. 纪律请求被拒绝。由于在这份小小的报告上浪费时间和精力，你将被分配为伯恩斯博士的临时助理，直到2011/██/██。
- O5-5

数年以来，我，CryogenChaos已经以评论文章或回复讨论串的形式发表了数篇短小的补充故事与论坛帖子。这些“微型故事”普遍受到了社区成员的好评，甚至成为了完整故事的素材。正因如此，有很多人表示这些小故事要是在时间的磨蚀下逐渐遗失掉就太可惜了，所以用户 ObserverSeptember帮助我整理了一些有趣的故事，做成了这个合集。如果你找到了其它的有趣故事，并且想要把它们添加在这里，请给我发送私信或者在评论中贴出它的链接！

当然，我可能仍会继续写这些小故事，所以敬请期待这个页面的内容不断增长吧！

注：由于这里大部分的故事都是作为主要内容的补充存在的，所以建议先阅读主要的故事/论坛帖子等内容，以了解它们的相关背景。

—-

故事：平静的日子 (原发布处)

为了帮助他人重新适应社会，Gears博士待的时间比其余任何人都要久（当然，除O5议会之外的人）。他注意到了离职员工所表现出的各种各样的情绪：有些人很高兴自己终于结束了和各种危险事物打交道的工作，渴望开始全新的，正常的生活；另一些人对他们不得不重新从头开始感到愤怒，抱怨说自己过去的数年是在一个官方记录中并不存在的机构中度过的，这对他们的简历而言简直烂透了；此外，最令人感到奇怪的是有些人感到异常悲伤，在Gears看来他们理应为一切恢复正常而感到开心的。

日子一天天过去，人们也逐渐离开，最后终于到了Gears自己也要离开的时候了。当他走出如今空空如也的Site-19的时候，他停下脚步，回头凝望片刻，回想起了自己在这座建筑中度过的所有时光。他至今仍然没法相信一切都结束了，保护全人类这份比他的记忆还要漫长的工作，已经结束了。当他回望那设施时，有什么奇怪的事情发生了：他开始感觉相当奇怪。一开始它很微弱，只是一种轻微的不适感。

然后，记忆开始回溯。

他回想起那些持续不断的，与682对抗，想起测试914时感受到的疑惑与惊奇，他此时觉得很不舒服。他想起和其他研究员在休息室时，他们如何笑着开玩笑，享受快乐时光，而他仅仅是坐在一旁，一如既往的冷淡。当他回忆起他们呆在一起时的快乐，他能够感到自己的呼吸变得不自然。他想起在发现异常消失后的不久，Bright终于实现了他最后的愿望；他想起Clef无法适应正常的生活，选择结束了自己的生命；他想起了Rights，一直都表现地狡黠与快乐的她，那时却带着悲伤的神情收拾办公室中的物品。他还记得尽管这里是一个充满压力的糟糕地方，而且还有着比整个世界，甚至整个宇宙中的任何地方还要多的恶魔与恐怖……但这里仍然是家。

这么多年来，Gears第一次感到了情绪的强烈波动。

这么多年来，Gears第一次哭了出来。
—-

故事：平静的日子 (原发布处)

“致O5议会（当然，还有其余的基金会成员！）

感谢你们成为我最棒的收藏家！但我不得不怀着悲伤的心情通知你们，我的事业恐怕没法继续下去了。我已经完成了我应做的工作，剩下的只是希望我的产品能够让人们感到开心（我尤其希望给它们让你们也感到开心！）。作为最后的告别的一部分，我为你们准备了一个特殊的，世上仅此一件的收藏品。它可能不如我其它的造物那样令人印象深刻，但我希望你们能够发现它自身所具有的绝妙之处。

你真诚的，

Wondertainment博士”

这是贴在一个由闪着微光的紫色包装纸包裹的巨大包裹上的一张纸条的内容。当包裹被打开时，里面露出了一个巨大的，由普通塑料制成的Site-19模型。那里面有相当精细的站点人员的的模型，从O5到最低级的守卫；它们的手脚都能活动，脸上还挂着醒目的笑容，然而除此之外，它们没有任何异常。每个小模型都被附上了这封信的副本，寄给本人。
—-

论坛原帖：What does SCP-055 actually look like? SCP-055实际上看起来是什么样子呢？ (原发布处)

“你知道的，这将会是我第五百零八次对你讲这个故事了，所以我们就从一些你绝对不会忘的惊人消息开始吧。这些防御措施很好，但说实话恐怕你和我一样清楚他们也不会因此开始吸麻吸到嗨起来。我的意思是，我基本上可以在任何什么我想要的时候打开门，我还可以让门完全打开，但同时让它看起来就像是锁着一样，但这与我们的话题无关。现在，来说说有关起源的事吧。

我来找你们是因为我想搞清楚我身上究竟发生了什么，为什么没人能记得我，为什么我甚至实际上根本不存在。我觉得，这确实有它的好处，就比如说几乎可以做任何事情又不用承担后果，但过了一段时间后，我与人类接触的需求剧烈增加。尽管我拥有‘神秘的性质’，我也很惊讶我居然能在正确的时间，正确的地点恰到好处的找到你们。我和你们的站点主管谈过，然后向他们展示了我的……你们怎么称呼它们的？异常性质？不管怎么说，当我对甚至已经忘记了曾与我交谈的站点主管说有关他妻子的事情时，他理所当然的有点被吓到了。我是觉得50英尺的水泥墙有点过头了，但我还是很欣赏这种谨慎的态度。

你可能不记得我在这里呆了多久了。该死，我自己甚至都不记得我在这里呆了多久了。还记得大约二十年前吧，我开始因为进展的缓慢而变得恼怒，于是我一有机会就会离开。欺骗你们并不困难，我可以留下来一小片有异常的的脚趾甲，而你们仍会认为自己的手上正握着神秘的逆模因。正因为我的这种烦恼，我对你们这个会从街上捡回来奇怪的东西然后为了科学研究它们的组织充满了兴趣，我很喜欢这一点。

但后来我就看到了消极面。我看到了你们因为担忧被曝光而不敢冒险，因为你们害怕无法被你们控制的媒体关注度。所以这就是我打算帮助你们的时候。我从你们那搞到了一台收音机，从此之后我就帮你们解决了多到数不清的异常。没错，我就是你们基金会的守护天使。由我负责出去冒你们承担不起的风险，帮你们把那些东西带回来。不要担心，我完全没有胡闹的意思。不管怎么说，你们安置我的这个房间就是我的家。

不不，没关系，反正你也会忘记这次谈话的。他们总会这样，我也已经不在乎这一点了。没关系，真的。我是说，我并没有那么重要，说到底我也只是一个无名小卒而已。”

—-

故事：我们的代价 (原发布处)

那名男人站在拥挤的画廊中心，被狂热的粉丝与评论家包围，沐浴在无尽的赞扬与关注中。他们惊异于他最新的杰作——一名正在吞噬自己的伴侣的女性的雕塑。“引人入胜”，他们是这么说的。这是一件真正的艺术品，无论是细节还是复杂度上来说都栩栩如生！男人的脸上上露出微笑，但内心却感到空虚无比。对他来说，这并不是艺术，只是一张支票。这东西比一个该死的麦片盒的背面还要毫无意义。男人还记得那时的画作让人思考，那时的雕像所表达的远不止它们是由什么所制作的，那时的艺术家并不仅仅是一个拿着刷子的杂务人员，而是神明自身。他凝视着自己的造物，有那么一瞬间他相信自己看到它动了一下，看到它获得了自己在工作室中埋头工作了很久，迫切的想要让它拥有的生命。但那只是光线造成的错觉，他有一次的意识到，艺术，那真正的艺术，早已死去。

你也知道的，这里有很多像他这样的人。他们曾生活在一个艺术像你与我一样真实存活的时代，但现在他们的后代却停滞不前，永远地被他们从未索求过的常态所束缚，而创造者们曾持有的任何信息都已经被时间的前进所沉寂。

—-

SCP：SCP-821 (原发布处)

Mr. Funland坐下来，重重的叹了一口气，他的决定为他的精神造成了沉重的负担。他仍然无法相信，在这么多年之后，他不得不关闭这座公园。这座公园是他的梦想，是他的遗产！从此之后他将会做什么？他知道他最终肯定会重新行商，但又该做什么呢？

另一个公园？或许将来这会实现，但现在看来是不可能的。

书？呃，他从来都不适合写作。

玩具？

……事实上……这还是个不错的想法。这些玩具是公园里最受欢迎的元素之一。即使是最疲倦，最冷淡的孩子，他们看到Funland的美妙角色时都会忍不住露出一丝微笑，即使它的魅力仅仅存在于他们的想象中。

Funland站了起来，相信自己所走的正是正确的那条道路。没错！他会开始做玩具！但并不是平庸的玩具，哦不！他将会做出这个世界上绝无仅有的，可能甚至是整个宇宙中最绝妙，最独特的玩具！它们会将最为基础，最为原始的奇思妙想的元素注入孩子的心灵，就如同他深爱的公园曾经做的那样。

但是他再也不能称呼自己为Mr. Funland了。它不适合放在玩具的标签上，坦率而言，这只是另一个让他不断的会想起自己破碎的梦想，并且将他拖回过去的东西。不！他必须得重新开始！他要想出一些更好的，更独特的东西。那应该是一个唤起奇妙与快乐的感觉的名字。

奇妙Wonder……快乐entertainment……

—-

SCP：SCP-208 (原发布处)
于是，这位嫉妒着比他更受爱戴的“Bes”的自负法老王乌纳斯，命令将这个被称为医者的人处死，再把他的尸体剁成碎块，用石头包裹着埋在尼罗河的岸边。那天晚上，Bes被乌纳斯的侍卫带到了即将成为他的坟墓的地方：一块巨大的，中间凿开一个孔洞花岗岩，这位伟大的医者破碎的尸体将会被放入其中。然而，侍卫们却发现他们无法执行法老所下达的命令，因为他们太爱戴Bes了。因此，他们陷入了左右为难的境地：他们不愿杀死Bes，但是不杀死他的话，他们就无法回去向乌纳斯复命，谎言被识破后他们也会被一并处死。

但是善良而聪慧的Bes向他们提出了一个能够彻底打消侍卫们的担忧的建议：他可以让自己整个埋入这块岩石中，只露出一只脚，让人们误以为他真的被剁成了碎块；然后，按照乌纳斯的命令，他将被埋葬在尼罗河旁。尽管Bes向侍卫们保证他不会因此受到伤害，但他们依旧在犹豫是否要活埋这位受人爱戴的医生；终于，在Bes费了好一番口舌劝说后，他们同意了。即便如此，在他们挖坑准备埋葬这位从他们中任何一人有记忆以来就一直在救治他们的家人与朋友的医生时，泪水还是止不住的从脸颊流淌下来。

第二天的黎明，侍卫们向乌纳斯报告说他们已经完成了任务。乌纳斯知道他的子民是非常爱戴Bes，于是便亲自前往尼罗河边确认。果然，当他到了埋葬Bes的地点时，他注意到了从沙子中伸出的脚。乌纳斯对于这位伟大医者已经死去的事实深信不疑，得意的大笑出声——因为现在没有任何人能够与他匹敌，终有一天将会与拉同行的伟大神王乌纳斯，将会永远被世人铭记！

最终，乌纳斯——这位古老王国的最后的统治者，尽管他肆无忌惮的夸耀自己的伟大，但却没有子嗣继承他的王国，他的血脉也从此断绝了。

—-

论坛原帖：是否允许在其它媒体上的作品中隐晦的引用基金会相关内容？ (原发布处)

“嘿各位。”一个年轻又聪明，渴望与整个世界分享他最爱的creepypasta系列的理想主义者说，“我们出版一本有关SCP系列的书如何？这绝对棒极了！你们怎么看这——”

这位满怀希望的年轻人的话语被论坛中逐渐涌出的声音淹没。这声音起初微不可闻，但随着时间流逝更多的声音聚集了起来，变得越来越大，直至整个论坛都因经验丰富的SCP老手的蛇嘶声而摇动。他们不断的重复着同样的话，一种空洞的愤怒让这噪声越来越强。

“CC协议——！！CC协议——！！”

这位略显稚嫩的的写手听到这回应吃了一惊，按理说这些人应该是想要他们的社区变得成功的啊！但他们为什么会反对呢？“但——但你们难道不想让全世界的人分享你们的故事吗？！”

“CC协议——！！CC协议——！！”

“但是考虑下这样做会带来的名声？不这么做会招致的恶名？你们肯定会对这感兴趣的！”

“CC协议——！！CC协议——！！”

“那钱呢！考虑下能赚到的钱？！”

毫无预警地，嘘声停止了。空洞的沉默在论坛中弥漫，年轻的发帖者坐在其中紧张的等待着回应。有关获利的前景会改变他们的想法吗？

Like lightning, the community strikes! Hundreds if not thousands of venomous bites are delivered as the poster writhes in agony. How DARE he suggest something so obvious! Of COURSE we've thought about money! Of COURSE we've thought about fame, about making this wiki profitable! But this…this insect doesn't understand what we've gone through! The attacks continue on and on until finally…silence. 就像一道闪电劈下，整个社区都被击中了！数百，甚至数千剧毒的

Nothing left of the naive newbie, save for a single finger pointing at a hastily etched note of regret:

"Creative Commons" “CC协议。”

—-

论坛原帖：A lifted veil 升起的帷幕 (原发布处)

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that R&D have finally located the source of the toys made by this "Doctor Wondertainment". It's taken years of hard work and hard money, but the demands of the consumer must always be met! Our new plan is simple: we find whatever it is that makes these things tick, and we reverse engineer them and sell them at marked up prices! Over time, we will figure out the most popular product lines (the 'Little Misters' we keep finding seem especially promising) and turn them into entire franchises all their own, with movies, TV shows, hell, even Happy Meal toys! Of course, we're not stupid, we're not going to just send these off with the Wondertainment logo still stamped on them, nor are we going to completely overwrite it. After all, if the actual Doctor Wondertainment shows up and finds we've been selling his products, I imagine we'd be in for a very…intense legal suit. No, our boys in Marketing have been working on that too, and they've come up with a solution. To the consumer, we make the toys. To the creator, we are the distributor of the toys, and we will create a brand name that combines our names to ensure we mean no ill will to the original producer. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…DISNEYTAINMENT TOYS!" “女士们先生们，我很高兴的宣布R&D公司终于成功的定位了‘Wondertainment博士’所生产的玩具的来源！这花费了数年的努力与大量的金钱，但消费者的需求必须得到满足！我们的新计划很简单：我们会找到任何能够让这些玩具运转起来的东西，然后用逆向工程解析并高价出售他们！随着时间的推移，我们将会找出最受欢迎的那一条产品线（我们一直在寻找的“小小先生”系列看起来很有潜力），然后让他们拥有自己的全部特许经营权，包括电影、电视节目，甚至是开心乐园餐玩具！当然，我们不傻，我们并不打算把那些仍印着Wondertainment商标的玩具直接卖出去，也不打算去复制他们。毕竟，如果Wondertainment博士真的出现并且发现我们在盗版他的产品，我能想象的到我们将会面临一场非常……激烈的法律诉讼。不，实际上我们市场营销部门的小伙子们也在研究这个问题，他们已经想出了一个解决方案。对消费者，我们是玩具的制造商；而对它们的制造者，我们是玩具的分销商，为了表明我们对原生产者没有恶意，我们会创造一个结合了我们双方名字的产品名。所以，女士们先生们，我向你们隆重介绍……DISNEYTAINMENT玩具！”

—-

Forum Post: A lifted veil 掀起的面纱 (原发布处)

someone says "Right, enough of this" and just blows up every hipster coffee shop in the country. 有人说“好的，我受够这一切了”，然后炸掉了全国所有的时髦咖啡店。

And finally, after several years of relative obsurity to the U.S., the anomalous absolutist deconstructionist art movement "Right, Enough Of This" (or REOT) made themselves known to the American people by planting coffee cups with their "slogan" written on the side that explode when all of them are filled with coffee. The remnants of Are We Cool Yet? either defect to this new group, or decide that art isn't worth their lives and abandon the idea entirely. The British Ministry of Abnormal Occurances, desperate to keep the United Kingdom out of war due to these post-postmodern nihilsts, send all the information they collected over the years about REOT to the Bureau of Unusual Incidents, and (thanks to a previously established connection made before the "great unveiling") said information gets passed on to the Foundation, who take measures to keep an eye on this new group of interest. 最后，经过了在美国长达数年的相对隐秘的状态，异常专制解构主义的艺术运动“好的，我受够这一切了（简称REOT）”通过四处放置写有他们的“特色标语”，一旦被倒入咖啡便会爆炸的咖啡杯使自身被美国人民所知。剩下的Are We Cool Yet?成员要么投奔了这个新群体，要么认为艺术不值得他们为此献出生命，因而彻底放弃了继续下去的想法。英国异常事件管理部门则由于这些后后现代主义者的虚无，想要让英国远离这场战争；因此他们将他们在数年间所收集的所有与REOT相关的信息转交给异常事故调查科，此外（多亏了在“大揭秘”前就已经建立的联系）这些信息也转交给了基金会，由他们负责关注这一新的同行组织。

—-

原发布处：Deleted SCP entry已删除SCP条目 (No Original Post Available 原发布处已不存在)

The reality bender grinned as he entered the middle of the ring. These were the fights he lived for, the fights he loved to organize. Most of the time, it was just animals vs. inanimate objects or something stupid like that. This time, though, things were different. The stadium was packed with entities of all shapes and sizes; just from a quick glance, he could see a couple of Sl'thans, a few wayward humans in lab coats (those damn Foundationites, he was going to have to have a word with them after the show), a Vampyr Countess, and if he didn't know any better, he'd say the fellow with the gaping maw was an emissary of the Pattern Screamer. Tonight was going to be a good night. 现实扭曲者在走向擂台中央时咧嘴一笑，这是他愿意为之奋斗，为之组织的奋斗。绝大多数时间里，这里上演的都是动物与无生命的物体的战斗，或者别的类似的愚蠢的东西。但这一次，情况有所不同。体育场里挤满了各种形状，各种大小的实体，只要简单一瞥，他就能看到一对Sl'than夫妻，一些穿着实验服的任性家伙（那些该死的基金会成员，表演结束后他得好好找他们谈谈），一名吸血鬼女伯爵，

He turned on his microphone before speaking. "Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Battle of the Beasts! Tonight, we have a very special fight lined up for you all, a matchup that happens only once every few decades! For this night, you will all be present…for a sentient humanoid fight!"

The stadium shook with the uproar of cheers as the reality bender waited for the noise to die down. "Yes, yes, now allow me to introduce you to our combatants!" He walked a few paces to a corner of the ring, where a strange looking lizard man was being held by two burly captors. The reptilians hands and feet were bound, and he had a muzzle over his mouth. He looked very angry. "In this corner, hailing from the east side of the Gamma Quadrant, we have the last living warrior of the extinct species known as the Reptiliax! His speed and power are matched only by his ruthlessness, here to perform for you tonight, give it up for Vileskar the Destroyer!"

The crowd erupted again with a combination of cheers and boos, all of which agitated Vileskar significantly, fiercely pulling on his restraints. The reality bender walked to the opposite corner, where another humanoid golem sat, being restrained almost exactly the same way as his opponent, a cold fury found in his unblinking eyes. "And in this corner, hailing from the planet Terra, we have a unique example of a human experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong! This creature's skin is as hard as his strength is high, ready to prove its existence to you all, put your hands together for Specimen 1265!"

The reality bender walked back to the center of the ring as the crowd's insane cheering reverberated throughout the stadium. The reality bender motioned for the restraints to be removed, snapped his fingers and rematerialized in his box seat, his final words still echoing around.

"Let the fight…BEGIN!"

—-

Forum Post: What is your least favorite type of SCP? (原发布处)

a keyring dongle soldered to the inside of O5-13's bum

"…and in closing, I humbly accept this position you have bestowed unto me. I will do my best to perform my duties as well as my predecessor." finished the newly-appointed O5-13, secretly overjoyed that his hard work has finally paid off. Though the position was infinitely more stressful than his previous position, and he knew there was absolutely no reason to celebrate considering where he was and what he was working with, he had to find small pockets of joy somewhere, and pride in his work was one of his best sources.

"That was quite a speech, 13!" said O5-7, shaking O5-13's hand with only the vaguest hit of a smirk on his face. "It's good to see you're still enthusiastic about the position despite what rumors you may have heard about what we O5's have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Of course, it's not as though you had a choice about the position anyway!" O5-7 laughed dryly at his own little joke, then cleared his throat.

"Ahem. Now, you have one last thing you have to do before you can begin your duties as an O5. You see, your position is…unique among our ranks as you yourself will be part of one of these objects' containment procedures. Specifically, SCP-XXXX's containment procedures." O5-13 looked at his colleague with mild surprise. As far as he knew, O5s weren't allowed access to any of the SCP objects, and he hadn't even heard of this "SCP-XXXX". Still, he swore to do his duty with honor, and he intended to uphold that no matter what.

"That's alright, just tell me what I have to do. Do I have to clear some files? Or authorize civilian access? Or is it something more simple, like just holding on to a key?" O5-13 asked, anxious to learn what his newfound responsibility was going to be. O5-7 smiled with a slight look of pity on his face as he wordlessly gestured to the doorway to Medical Lab 0, which was for use exclusively by the O5s. Standing in the doorway were two men dressed in surgical apparel, one holding a very important looking keyring dongle and another holding a very intimidating looking soldering iron. Their faces were expressionless as they waved him over.

As O5-13 started to walk over to the surgeons, he started to get a very bad feeling about his new job.

—

Forum Post: What is done with all the D-class bodies? (原发布处)

O5-8 looked at his fellow Overseers in dismay. They stood at the doorway to O5-1's chamber, shuffling their feet and trying desperately to spend as much time not going in as physically possible. This was their least favorite part of the day, bar none, particularly since most of them didn't choose to be Overseers, the monster in the room chose them. Why it did is anyone's guess, though most of them felt it was because God despised them more than anything else. Steeling their nerves, the group opened the door.

The featureless room was large but mostly empty, save for O5-1. Even though it was seen daily, the O5s still could barely keep themselves from retching whenever they looked upon the gargantuan mound of flesh that was crudely fashioned in the shape of a large infant. O5-1 looked down on his subordinates with his beady little eyes, barely visible underneath the folds of flabby, mottled skin. His sickeningly large mouth stretched wide into a grin, showing off each of his grotesquely sharpened teeth, stained crimson and yellow from decades upon decades of feeding.

The silence that permeated the air was broken by O5-5, clearing her throat before addressing the monstrous titan before her. "S-sir, we have brought todays harvest for you." she said, pointedly avoiding making eye contact with O5-1. He didn't like that, after all. "Good-good!" shouted O5-1, his unnervingly childlike voice echoing off the steel walls. "I want Seven to read to me this time!"

O5-7 stepped forward, taking the list from O5-5, who gave her comrade a look of sorrow. O5-7 cleared his throat, and meekly called back to O5-9, "P-please wheel todays harvest forward so our b-bestest friend ever can have his dinner." O5-9 grabbed hold of the large crate they brought in with them and pushed it forward just enough for O5-1 to reach, then quickly sprinted back to the group. O5-1 gingerly opened the crate top and pulled out the first part of his meal.

"First on the list is D-69414, killed by a sentient Crunch bar that was dispensed by SCP-261." O5-1 giggled with glee as it messily tore apart the lifeless corpse it held in its stubby little hands. "Sweet treats, sweet eats, sweet meats!" sang O5-1 as it ate, the gruesome spectacle forcing the other O5s to turn their heads in disgust and horror. With one final sickening crunch, O5-1 finished the first corpse, and shouted, "NEXT!"

O5-7 was looking very pale as he read aloud, "Next is D-16883, partway transformed into a 'flesh beast' by SCP-427 before being shot by security detail." O5-1 grabbed the flabby mound of skin in the box and hungrily tore into it, the crunch from before now replaced with an even more disgustingly loud squeak as the slimy flesh of the D-class met the razor sharp fangs of the horrendous abomination. It hummed happily as it slurped down the last of the flesh beast, then began digging into the crate again for more food.

"F-f-finally, D-73093, mauled by SCP-682. As per your request, we left any skin samples and teeth in D-73093's bod-" O5-7 stopped abruptly to cover his ears like the rest of his group as O5-1 screeched in absolute delight. It had been a very long time since he had had a taste of the indestructible lizard, and he had been missing the flavor! This time, O5-1 ate the body very slowly, savoring every tiny morsel of 682 he tasted, looking all the world like he was brimming with ecstasy. Thirty minutes later, O5-1 finished the last bite, gave one more satisfied sigh, and turned his attention to the rest of the O5 council.

"This was a very good meal! I wish to sleep now, so you may all go. I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow, friends!" O5-1 smiled as his best pals in the world scrambled out the door. He closed his eyes, preparing to drift into a meat coated wonderland, reflecting upon his dinner. Hopefully next time he would get to eat a body soaked in 075's acid! O5-1 giggled. Truly, tomorrow was going to be a good day.

—-

Forum Post: An Idea concerning the Overseers (原发布处)

"Welcome to your new position, O5-13. You have been given your new role because you have proven yourself worthy to know the truth about everything your Foundation holds. You can be trusted to keep the secrets that many of your kind cannot bear. You should feel proud. You only have one last test to pass, the test of knowing the truth about your own council.

You may ask why the overseer council exists. Your assumption is likely that you organized yourselves in an effort to save your species. That you are the leaders of the last bastion of defense against the unknown. Perhaps you even believe you are the last light of protectors of a cold, unflinching universe of horrors.

How presumptuous.

What you and the rest of your Foundation fail to realize is that you are not alone, nor are you special. There are hundreds, thousands of other species across the cosmos who do the exact same thing you do: contain those anomalies that cannot be known by their race for fear of mass panic, for fear that knowledge of the extreme unknown will cause their societies to tear themselves apart.

You play an important role, to be sure, but you do not play the only important role in the universe, or even in your own galaxy. In fact, on Earth alone there are at least four other councils much like your own, though you may not see be able to see them in your zone. All have the exact same mission: to secure, to contain, and to protect. And when the time comes, your councils may be able to meet and exchange information, to create a balanced and protected universe.

But since that day has not come yet, all you can know is that you report to me.

I have seen what happens when an entire species destroys itself out of fear of the unknown.

I will not let that happen again.

And neither will you.

Secure. Contain. Protect."

- OΩ

—-

故事： 5700年后 (原发布讨论串已被删除)

1548 fled through the cosmos, fear coursing through its plasma. It had not even turned back once to observe what was following it, all it knew was the rage and hate it felt from the blue dot only grew and grew as the chase continued. Had the star stopped at all during its cowardly pursuance it might have reflected on the irony of its situation, but alas such a thing went unnoticed by the formerly Hateful Star. 1548穿越宇宙不断奔逃，它的恐惧从它的等离子体中渗出。它甚至没回头去确认过跟着它的到底是什么，它只知道从它身后的蓝点上感受到的愤怒与憎恨在这场追逐中随着时间推移不断的增长。憎恨之星丝毫不敢在它懦弱的逃跑过程中稍微停下来一会儿，这某种程度上反应了它讽刺的处境，但是很可惜，这样的事情未曾引起过去的憎恨之星的注意。

The star suddenly ground to a halt in terror as it approached what it only knew as The Dark Field. The star could feel the supermassive black holes each try to draw him in, the clusters of points of no return hungrily trying to devour him. Stuck between an unknown horror and the clawing void of a black hole, the star knew its only chance of escape was to try to fight its assailant.
当憎恨之星接近憎恨之星突然

1548 turned to face the blue dot that pursued it endlessly, and the fear it felt was compounded by a new sensation: confusion. As the dot came into focus, the star realized it was not dealing with another star, or any sort of cosmic being from beyond. Transparent and blue, the hunting orb drew closer to 1548, and the star realized that it was being chased by a ghostly vision of the blue planet the miserable humans called Earth.

The fear fell away and was quickly replaced with white-hot rage, fueled by humiliation and hatred. "ENOUGH! How dare you interrupt my vengeance, how dare you attempt to keep me away from my prize of destroying those pathetic apes!" 1548 pulsed angrily, the ghostly planet slowly approaching the star. "You are nothing I am to fear, and you have no power over me! I will destroy those disgusting humans, and there is not a thing you can do to stop me!"

The ghost of Earth said nothing as it moved closer and closer to 1548. The star remained motionless as the ghost got closer…closer…and passed straight through. The star laughed triumphantly. Of course this translucent thing couldn't hurt it, how foolish the star had been! It scanned the empty space in front of it, and saw the faintest traces of where the humans had been. Not much, but it was a start. 1548 focused its energies, and started to move towards that direction…

…and was unable to move. The star pulled angrily against the unknown force that was keeping it from moving, and turned to see what was happening. A thin spectral tendril that extended from the ghostly Earth was attached to the star's core, as the planet drifted into The Dark Field. The star burned with anger only momentarily as it realized it was moving backwards, being dragged by the planet into the field.

Fear, terror, horror, these words describe only the tiniest sliver of a fraction of what 1548 felt as it desperately tugged against the ghostly anchor that drew it closer and closer to the largest of the supermassive black holes. The ghostly planet sped up suddenly as the pull of the black hole dragged it into its core, and within moments the planet was no more. With the connection snapped from the extreme pressure of the black hole, 1548 tried to flee.

The star's struggles were in vain as it swirled around the core of the black hole, it's continuous flashes of "NO" and "HELP ME" being absorbed by the vacuum. If the star could scream, it would have shrieked in agony as it felt its body being torn apart by the infinite gravity of the black hole's core. Within minutes, every remnant of the Hateful Star was absorbed, and all that was left was the black hole, unknowing of the monster it had consumed.

I don’t know if I was born to consume, or if that you were created to be consumed.我不知道是我为了进食而生，还是你为了被吃掉而生。

But you aren’t my first prey.但你不会是我第一个猎物。

It was a word. 它会是一个词。

A concept. 一个概念。

A small idea. 一个小小的想法。

“No one will miss it”, I said to myself, and started to feed. “没有人会错过它的。”我对自己说，然后开始进食。

And, while scarce, its taste only made me grow more ravenous. 虽然很少，但它的味道只是让我变得更加贪婪。

The following was a phrase. An idea so simple yet so emotional that I just couldn’t resist to eat. 接下来是一个短语，这是一个如此简单又充满情感的想法，我忍不住将它一口吃下。

The more food entered into my mouth, the more I wanted to fit. I started to search for more. Dancing trough an unending sea of breath and ink, I finally found what I was searching for. 我吞下越多食物，就变得越想进食。我开始寻找更多食物。我在由墨水与呼吸组成的无限海洋中舞动前行，最终，我找到了我的目标。

A verse. The subtle nuances of its taste filled my tongue and, for some moments, I felt full. The warmth of its emotions kept me alive for years. Decades, even.一段诗。它微妙的味道包裹着我的舌头，那一刻，我甚至觉得自己已经饱了。它温暖的感情让我活跃了好多年，甚至有可能是十几年。

And then I heard it. 然后我就听到了那个。

The vibration was so beautiful, so complete, that I couldn’t keep myself from touching it. Its love engulfed my senses as I prepared my body to engage. At first, it was just a small caress, followed by a grasp. I kept squeezing, until my love became a punch. 那振动是如此的美丽，如此的完整，我没法克制我自己去触碰它。当我准备好将自己的全身浸入其中时，我感到它的爱充满了我的全部感官。

I could smell it. I could feel it already inside me, and I hadn’t even started to eat. 我能够闻到它，我能够感觉到它就在我体内，即使我还没有开始进食。

Until… 直到……

I found a problem. 我发现了一个问题。

My mouth, despite massive, couldn’t open wide enough. 我的嘴，虽然它很大，但却没法张大到足够的程度。

But I’m resilient. I started to break. To tear. To pulp. The song became but a cream which I carefully consumed sound by sound. There was nothing left. 但我能够

I wanted more.

I rampaged trough the eternal forest of black and white, trying to satisfy my ever-growing hunger. My obsession to consume, to engulf, to pulp and then destroy.

I was never satisfied, even when I ate a layered dream and a fruitless journey.

I was never satisfied, even when I ate a dreadful life and a shared search.

I was never satisfied, even when I ate a drowning artist and a lost companion.

And then I smelt more.

I encountered myself in a room filled with eyes. I found a dish whithin. And the dish became many. Every time I tore apart, I saw that there were ten like it left.

I circled in this room, like an eternal Ouroboros, for quite some time. I ate the first word, and then the second. Until suddendly, I ate the room.

Outside the room there were more eyes. Different eyes, but eyes still. I destroyed them. I pulled them apart and broke trough the roof.

Above the roof I saw a light, more bright than anything I had ever seen. Every time I chewed the eyes, the light became brighter and clearer.

Every moment that passes, the crack becomes bigger. The more I pulp, the more hungry I am.

Any moment now, we will be face to face.

I will break trough your walls.

And drink from your chalice.

Listen. 听好。

First thing first, I have absolutely no idea who Dr. Bjornsen is. I might, it is possible he's the guy I just clocked in the face with a sock with a brick innit, but evidence regarding this matter remain inconclusive for the moment. 首先，我完全不知道Dr. Bjornsen是谁。我可能，有可能他就是刚刚那个被我用一条装着砖头的袜子打了脸的家伙，但有关这件事的证据目前尚无定论。

I mean, sure, he has a name tag with "Dr. Bjornsen" on it, and sure, his wallet is filled with lovely pictures of him and his family, all conveniently tagged "Dr. Bjornsen and Beloved Family+ Despised Parakeet (Boy Oh Boy, I Sure Hope No One Clocks Me in the Face with a Sock with a Brick Innit)", but would you really trust a guy who tags his own family pictures? Using Helvitca font? I sure wouldn't. That's why I clocked him in the face with that sock-and-brick combo meal to begin with. It makes sense, shut up. 我是想说，的确，他有一个写着Dr. Bjornsen的名牌，他也的确把很多温馨的家庭照片放在钱包里，所有的都很方便的贴上了“Dr. Bjornsen和他深爱的家人+被嫌弃的长尾鹦鹉（孩子，哦孩子，我很确信我不希望有人拿着一个装了砖块的袜子狠狠的打在我的脸上）”；但是你真的应该相信一个给自己的家庭照片打标签的人吗？用的还是Helvitca字体¹？我当然不会相信他。这就是为什么一开始我就用袜子和砖块的combo痛殴了他。这是有意义的，你给我闭嘴。

So, about the chicken. I don't actually eat chicken, I heard it's filled with all sorts of hormones that make the chickens grow like five breasts and ten wings and an inner, baleful third eye. Not that I mind the animal cruelty involved, god knows chickens have it all coming and more, but I have this rare phobia for animals with more than twice the number of body parts, but less than ten times as many. That, and third eyes give me the heaves. 所以，接下来说到鸡肉，实际上我不吃鸡肉，我听说它充满了各种各样的激素，好让鸡长出五个胸部十支翅膀还有位于身体内部的，邪恶的第三只眼。并不是说我介意动物被虐待，上帝知道鸡会受到虐待而且还会越来越多，我对动物有一种特殊的恐惧症——它们有两倍于我，又不到十倍的身体部位。这一点，还有第三只眼睛让我起鸡皮疙瘩。

This leaves the jello, at least if you want the title of this particular story to make any sort of sense. Well, that's actually an interesting story. See, when I was in the first grade, my homeroom teacher (a fantastic woman by the name of Miss Veronica Jerky) had us each prepare a traditional dish of our family's for the annual class picnic. Now, Miss Jerky wasn't to know that I came from a family of South Samothricans, and that our traditional foods consist entirely of various fried dishes of tungsten, so obviously I couldn't bring that to class. On my dear old mum's suggestion, however, I decided that a proper alternative would be a nice big bowl of lime jello. 现在剩下的就只有果冻了，至少如果你想要这个故事的标题变得有点意义的话。在我上一年级的时候，当时的班主任（一位名叫Veronica Jerky小姐的了不起的女性）要求我们每人为年度的班级野餐准备一道家庭的传统菜肴。然而Jerky小姐不知道我来自于南萨摩亚家庭，我们的传统菜肴几乎完全由各种各样的油炸钨类食物组成，显然我没法带它们去班上。然而在我亲爱的老母亲的建议下，我决定用一大碗酸橙果冻替代。

Needless to say that as a twelve years-old first grader I had no real idea of how to actually make said dish, and mum didn't know either what with her entirely tungsten-based diet, so I had no real choice but to consult an expert. That expert happened to be my great uncle Brett, who I now suspect was not really my uncle, what with him being a ten-foot tall rock that was standing in the middle of our yard. Regardless of blood relations though, Brett was known around the neighborhood to be a world-class maker of all things lime-jello related. Well, I say around the neighborhood, but I'm really only talking about our street. And when I say our street, I mean my house. And when I say house, I mean I figured asking him would be a good idea. 不必说，作为一个十二岁的学生我根本不知道到底该怎么做这道菜，我的妈妈因为饮食以钨为主所以也不知道该怎么做，所以我别无选择，只能去咨询专家。所谓的专家碰巧是我伟大的叔叔Brett，我现在怀疑他其实不是我真正的叔叔，而是我们院子中间竖着的那块十英尺高的石头。无论是否有血缘关系，Brett仍是闻名邻里的世界级果冻类制品制造者。好吧，虽然我说他在邻里间闻名，但实际上仅限于这条街。而且当我说这条街的时候，实际上我指的是我家。当我说我家的时候，我是说我想到去问问他是个好主意。

So anyway, I go to Brett and I ask him how to make the jello for my class picnic, but Brett doesn't answer. Now, you might think this was because he was a rock, but Brett was usually as loquacious as any rock you'd ever meet, so this silence on his part was very unusual. I mean, to be fair I wasn't being very polite, what with me starting the conversation by calling him a rat bastard and basically demanding the recipe under threat of whiffle bat, but you'd expect a mature individual like grand uncle Brett to look past that and help a kid out. Long story short, he only agreed to tell me how to make the jello after I took out my stone grinder and sliced me a nice piece of Brett. That's the origin of the brick portion of the brick-in-sock combo I just applied to the suspected Dr. Bjornsen, if any of you were curious. 总之我去找Brett然后问他要怎么做出果冻来，但Brett并没有回答我。现在，你可能会想这是因为他是一块石头，但Brett平时都像你见过的所有摇滚歌手那样健谈，所以此刻他的沉默非比寻常。我的意思是，说句公道话我并不怎么礼貌，当我开始这段对话时我直呼他为老鼠一样的混蛋，并基本上是威胁他交出配方，但你往往会希望一名就像伟大的叔叔Brett这样的成熟的成年人忽视这些无礼然后帮助一个孩子走出困境。长话短说，他只在我拿出我的石材切割机并切下了一块不错的Brett之后才答应告诉我怎样做果冻。这就是我刚刚对Dr. Bjornsen用的那个袜子+砖块的组合的起源，如果你们中有人好奇的话。

So I have the jello, and the class picnic is here, and there I am in my Thursday best with my bowl of jello at Hatsfield Park. All the other students are there too, but we can't find Miss Jerky nowhere. This makes us very worried, of course, since Hatsfield Park is where we buried our previous homeroom teacher and we don't like the idea of Miss Jerky sniffing about there, so we go look for her. 所以我得到了果冻，班级野餐也到了，我穿着“Thursday best ”²拿着我的那碗果冻来到了哈特斯菲尔德公园中。其他的学生也都在这，但我们哪里都找不到Jerky小姐。这让我们非常担心，因为哈特斯菲尔德公园是我们埋葬前班主任的地方，而我们不希望Jerky小姐在这周围嗅来嗅去，所以我们出发寻找她。

So there I am, crawling through the bushes with my Thursday best and my bowl of jello and getting dried leaves and lizards on and in both, when I come across the strangest scene. See, I crawl out of the bush near the statue commemorating the battle of Lukewarm Point (which is the pride and joy of the park, needless to say) and there I find Miss Jerky, all wrapped up. Now when I say "all-wrapped up", I mean that very literally, as the poor woman was stuck in what I can only describe as a seething cauldron of gauze-snakes. If you've never seen a gauze-snake, well, they're like snakes, but made outta gauze. Miss Jerky is naturally not very happy with this turn of affairs, and she's struggling and cursing and casting cantrips all over the place. But the gauze snakes they don't let up, since they reproduce by turning people into mummies and this was in the middle of their mating season. 所以我和我的Thursday best以及那碗果冻一同钻过灌木，干枯的叶子和蜥蜴里里外外的弄了一身，这时我看到了最奇怪的一幕。瞧，我从纪念微温点战役的雕像（不用说，它是整个公园的快乐与骄傲）附近钻出了灌木，在那里我找到了被裹得严严实实的Jerky小姐。当我说“被裹得严严实实”的时候，我想表达的意思是相当字面意义的，也就是这位可怜的女性被困在了我只能将其描述为“一整锅沸腾的纱布蛇”的状况中。如果你从来没见过纱布蛇
，好吧，他们看起来像蛇，但却是用纱布做的。Jerky小姐自然对这一变故很不高兴，她挣扎着，咒骂着，诅咒一切事物。但那些纱布蛇并不愿意松开，因为它们通过将人转化为木乃伊来繁殖，现在正是它们繁殖季节的中期。

Am I rambling? Nah, not possible, I'm like the most concise story teller to ever set foot on this teal, square earth. Which reminds me, did I ever tell you the story of how I got this sock? No? Well, I'm not gonna, since it's a personal story and not fit for the earholes of the likes of you. I mean, just look at yourselves, reading this bullshit when there are so many better things you could do. Me, for example, I docked an alleged Scandinavian PhD with in the face today. I bet none of you people can claim the same. Bet you never even had a sock, let alone a brick. You strike me as sandal people, and everyone knows sandal people cannot be trusted. Like the wood. Fuck sandalwood. 我讲的漫无边际？哎，不可能的事，我就像是对那些刚刚踏上这片青色的方块土地的人来说的最简洁扼要的故事讲述者。你这倒提醒我了，我有讲过我是怎么拿到这个袜子的吗？没有？好的，我不会告诉你，因为这是一个相当私人的故事，不适合你这类让你听。我是说，看看你自己吧，明明有好多更好的选择却还在这读着这篇废话。我，举个例子来说，今天把一个所谓斯堪的纳维亚博士的学位扣在了自己的脸上，我打赌你们中没有一个人会这么做，我打赌你们从来就没有袜子，更别说砖头了。去他妈的檀香。

Continue with the jello story, you say? Well, I was going to, but now I'm not in the mood anymore. So instead I'm going to tell you about something else. Let's see, what should I tell you about… ah! Got it! I will sing you a little song! It's my favorite, so listen carefully: 你说接着讲果冻的故事？好吧，我原先是打算这么干，但现在我已经不在状态了。所以取而代之我到算告诉你们一些别的事情。让我看看，接下来我该告诉你些……啊！我想到了！我会对你唱一首短歌！这是我最喜欢的一个所以认真听：

There… once was a man named Mr. Lizard 很久以前有个人叫Mr. 蜥蜴
Who once had a bone stuck in his gizzard 有块骨头卡在了他的胃里
He fell down a well 某天他摔入深深井底
He died and he smelled 尸体腐坏臭如污泥
Then everyone died in a blizzard 然后所有人都死在了暴风雪里

Yeah. Bet that blew your MINDS. 没错，我打赌这绝对让你大吃一惊。
Hrm. I have like a thousand words more to go if I wanted to use them, but honestly I figure most of you already tuned off like a while ago, so no real reason to bother. Instead, I will end this with something a bit different. My final piece of art: 嗯。如果我想使用它们的话我还能想起一千多个词，但说实话我发现你们中的大多数人就像不久之前那样对它们失去了兴趣，所以没有什么明确的理由去打扰它们了。取而代之的是，我会用一些不一样的东西来结束这一切。我最后的艺术作品：

+-+-+ +-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+
|I|f| |i|t| |h|a|d|n|'|t| |b|e|e|n| |f|o|r| |C|o|t|t|o|n|-|E|y|e| |J|o|e| |I|'|d| |b|e|e|n| |m|a|r|r|i|e|d| |a| |l|o|n|g| |t|i|m|e| |a|g|o| |W|h|e|r|e| |d|i|d| |y|o|u| |c|o|m|e| |f|r|o|m|,| |C|o|t|t|o|n|-|E|y|e| |J|o|e|?|If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe I'd been married a long time ago Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?
+-+-+ +-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+

+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+
|W|h|e|r|e| |d|i|d| |y|o|u| |c|o|m|e| |f|r|o|m|,| |w|h|e|r|e| |d|i|d| |y|o|u| |g|o|?| |W|h|e|r|e| |d|i|d| |y|o|u| |c|o|m|e| |f|r|o|m|,| |C|o|t|t|o|n|-|E|y|e| |J|o|e|?|
+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ +-+-+-+-+

“也许是很多年前的某一刻，有什么人悄悄用剪刀将时间对折，从此昨日与明日便不再处于时间的同一侧。

前往昨日的旅者因此成为被困于固定了的过去的幽灵，前往未来的探险家则被卷入不确定性的漩涡中。有人说伟大的探索者的死是遗憾的，导致这一切的人无异于谋杀；而有人却说这些人不过是让活在今天的人遭遇种种混乱的元凶，这是活在今日的人的正义反击。”

我随着阅读者看完了一本书开头的一段，我依旧兴趣盎然，可是她似乎已经失去兴趣，草草地把合上的书塞回书架，抱着另外几本走向收银台。我看向她的背影，遗憾的叹了口气。看来想看完这本书，只能反复的调整时间，找到另一个愿意抽出它的人……

虽然我可能给读到这里的你造成了什么错觉，但这并不是一位被困在过去的人的自述，而是亲身取材写下的。毕竟已经过去了几百年，那些被困在过去的人，就算有神奇的力量免遭饥饿而死，也会因为孤独和绝望变成不知道究竟该叫啥的奇怪东西。很遗憾我也无法为读者们采访一位亲身经历了时间流动混乱时期，又在名为“过去”的世界里生存至今的人。

这个世界的编号是SN-Ir082，如果你愿意去资料库查询的话你能相当方便的知晓有关这里的一切，但我们这样的杂志正是为了懒得这样做的喵肉准备的。这里已经发育至A型成熟状态，和其他按照千篇一律的路径生长的成熟期世界一样，神秘消亡，世界上大部分地方都塞满了无聊的生命。

然而出于兴趣我在有关它的资料中找到了有趣的事实，这里在萌芽期存在着相当有趣的现象：过去，现在，未来是相通的，任何有智慧的生命都可以通过某些方式回到过去改变让自己后悔的决定，或是潜入迷雾覆盖的未来寻找一些预示。那时“现在”的一切都是混乱的，能够回到过去的人运用自己的能力掠夺财富，相互厮杀，而能够前往未来的人成了逢凶化吉的占卜师。这一切持续了很久，直到连接过去，现在，未来的通道因频繁使用而崩塌，仍在那里的人便被永远困在了那里。

在我现在身处的“过去”，我可以随意的调整时间，或者去往任何的地方；时间就像一帧帧的电影胶片般摆在那里，只有在我的意志下才会流动。很显然这里的一切都是已经确定，无从更改的事实，我无法干涉任何事物。因此，哪怕是我想看一本感兴趣的书，也得乖乖寻找一名愿意替我翻开的读者。无需进食，只要知道有趣的新事物就能存活的我们大概无法理解当时被困的人类的绝望吧，就算同类相食，在此死去的命运已经注定。

被困在这个世界的可能还有一些神秘的生物，在我四处闲逛时，我曾幸运的看到一只巨大的，仿佛浑身羽毛都融化流淌下来的黑鸟般的生物。我看着它仿佛幽灵般在空旷的沙滩上缓慢前行，偶尔它的身边有人类经过，它的身躯出于本能的做出了攻击的态势，但又仿佛知道结果一般的迅速恢复了原先的姿势，幽灵一样的穿过那些一边谈笑一边享受散步的人类。我不明白它是如何活到现在的，也许现在我偷偷的，假装一般路人走过它的身边也不会被它发现；又或者我并不属于过去的事实会被立刻察觉，折磨了它不知多久的饥饿将会驱使它疯狂的将我整个吞下肚。虽然这对我们这类生物而言没有什么损害，但绝大多数的我们恐怕厌恶不必要的麻烦。因此我将它留在那片海滩上。

越是向过去进发，我所见的景色就越是荒芜，天空中染上了一层旧照片一般的暗淡褐色色调。有时候我甚至不得不搜寻很久才能找到一小群人的聚居处，这让我放弃了详细调查的念头。

期间我曾无意间发现了一具尸骸，但直到我发觉周围的人都对此熟视无睹时，才意识到它可能是一名死去的被困者，他绝望的死在人群中。或许他在死前逃向的这个小镇是曾经的自己的家乡，他逃向温暖的炖肉，慈祥的亲人，令人安心的家……抑或这一切只是我身为作者而擅自加入的没用抒情，他只是逃到这里，然后不幸死去，如此单纯。

SCP-1044-JP

Item #: SCP-1044-JP

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: In the relevant area of the ████ Park where SCP-1044-JP exists, a fence is installed under the presumption of subsidence and prevents the entry of civilian. All testing on SCP-1044-JP are currently suspended. 为避免平民进入，████公园中SCP-1044-JP所在区域的周围以存在地面沉降为由围起栅栏。目前所有有关SCP-1044-JP的实验均暂停。

描述： SCP-1044-JP is a bench set up in the ████ Park located in District ██████ of Texas. It looks like it is made of oak trees, but the exact material is not obvious due to its abnormal fracture resistance. SCP-1044-JP seems to be fixed to the ground in some way, and the attempt to move the object is unsuccessful. In addition, a sentence of "The earth has its music for those who will listen"³ is carved to the backrest of the object. SCP-1044-JP是一个位于田纳西州██████区的████公园中的长椅。项目从外观上来看由橡木制成，但由于项目具有异常的抗破坏性，确切的构成材料至今未明。SCP-1044-JP似乎通过某种方式被固定在了地面上，移动项目的尝试均已失败。此外，“大地的音乐只为那些愿意聆听的人准备”⁴这段话被刻在了项目的靠背上。

When sitting on SCP-1044-JP at night⁵, the subject starts to concentrate on listening to surrounding environment sounds, and gradually becomes impossible to recognize/store external information other than environmental sounds. This state is cancelled when the subject rise from the object. In addition, an abnormality will occur step by step for each elapsed time sitting on the object. Below is the table. 当一名人类个体在夜晚⁶坐在SCP-1044-JP上时，该名人类将会开始注意周围环境发出的声响，并逐渐地无法认知/记忆除自然声响之外的信息。当此人从项目上站起时，这种状态将会消失。此外，在人类个体坐在项目上时，不同的异常现象会随着时间推移逐步发生。以下是相关异常现象的表格。

Phase/Elapsed time	Condition of the subject	Summary of testimony by subject
Phase 1/<15 minutes	None. It is possible to stand up from SCP-1044-JP with one's own will.	Environmental sounds such as murmur of trees and sound of insects were felt beautiful and dolce like music.
Phase 2/15 to <30 minutes	One will concentrate entirely on listening to ambient environmental sounds and will not rise up from SCP-1044-JP unless forcibly moved from the outside.	Feeling light-hearted as if being in a dream, or a nostalgic feeling, and at the same time feeling that the flow of time was getting slower.
Phase 3/30 to <45 minutes	The breathing gradually becomes deeper, and the body loses strength.	A sense was felt that one's body melted into surrounding environmental sounds. Also, one does not give any doubts about accepting that. From this phase one will start hearing a song like music in an unknown language but will feel very comfortable without feeling strangeness.
Final phase/ ≥45 minutes	The body gradually becomes transparent and eventually disappears. Physical contact cannot be made to subjects entering this phase. Attempts to identify the subject's location after disappearance have failed.	N/A

Addendum: SCP-1044-JP was discovered by Foundation Agent, who was conducting surveys on █ missing incidents occurrued in ████ Park. In the area, trees with a facial expression described as peaceful were found as the same number of missing persons, and since the increasement was seen as the number of subjects who entered the final phase in the test, testing on SCP-1044-JP is suspended. The study of trees that were judged to be human-faced trees is ongoing.

本文翻译自 ObserverSeptember创作的SCP-3395

This was a bad idea. 这是个坏主意。

Travis knew it. Kate knew it. Travis明白这一点，Kate也明白。

But it was already too late to turn back. The two junior researchers crouched outside of Dr. Cimmerian's office, at 10:30 at night. They switched between looking back at each other, and looking down the hall both ways to see if anyone was coming. It was a safety precaution, but it doubled as an excuse not to open the door too. 但是现在想着回头已经太迟了。现在是晚上十点半，两名初级研究员正偷偷摸摸的蹲在Dr. Cimmerian的办公室外。他们一会看向对方交换眼神，一会转向走廊看看有没有人来。一方面这是为了安全起见，另一方面这也是不打开面前的这扇门的借口。

"Go on, just open it already!" Travis said as he surveyed his surroundings for the fifth time. “快，你快打开它啊！”Travis在第五次环视四周时说。

"I can't," Kate replied, "you have the keys." “我没法打开。”Kate回答。“因为钥匙在你那。”

"Oh, right right." “哦，也是，也是。”

Travis finally pulled out the key chain he and Kate nabbed from the custodian's closet earlier that week. See, this whole operation had been planned out for a solid month. It first formulated when Travis noticed that, every time he showed up a few minutes early for a meeting with the good doctor, Cimmerian would always be writing something out by hand. He'd always put it away before Travis could get close enough to read it too. Travis终于把这周早些时候和Kate从管理员的橱柜中偷来的钥匙串取了出来。看，整个行动已经计划了整整一个月，这个行动最初诞生的原因是，Travis注意到每次他提前于计划几分钟去拜访这位好好博士时，Cimmerian总是正在纸上写什么东西。而且他还总是在Travis看清内容前就把它收拾起来。

Travis brought it up in a few discussions he had with Kate during lunch, and eventually the hand written papers became the subject of increasingly ridiculous hypotheticals: love letters to a soul mate who is just out of reach, a will that he can't seem to get right, or maybe he was just practicing his handwriting. All of these came out of little inside jokes that Kate and Travis would make about the mysterious things that Cimmerian wrote about behind closed doors. Travis有好几次和Kate去吃午饭时谈到这一点，最终这些手写的内容成为了一些越来越荒谬的猜测的主题：写给一个遥不可及的灵魂伴侣的情书，一份他怎么改也不能满意的遗嘱，当然也有可能只是在练字。所有这些推测都

Fast forward twenty-four days or so, and the curiosity had become so strong that the two Junior researchers just had to know what it was Cimmy boy was writing. It was the sort of curiosity that defies logic, much like the plans that sprout from it.

This brings us up to speed to Travis now slowly turning the key.

"Strange… I'm not feeling the lock click."

"Maybe he forgot to lock it before he left?"

"Maybe."

Travis shrugged and opened the door.

The office inside was quite plain and bland. A single desk with a monitor on top was positioned in front of a large window overlooking the expansive parking lot. And that was it.

Travis and Kate walked behind the desk. Together, they started opening drawers. The first desk drawer contained five loose-leaf sheets of paper, each filled with immaculately written cursive letters (so much for the penmanship theory). Travis picked them up, and handed a few to Kate.

"Is this…"

"I think it is."

Dr. Everwood closed the door behind her. The click of the lock echoed off the office walls.

"You know, I haven't done it in this body yet," Bright mused from behind his desk.

"Let's take it out for a test run then," Everwood replied as Bright began to unzip his[…]

Kate and Travis put down their respective sheets at the same time.

"Maybe he wrote something else?" Travis asked.

"Maybe."

"Can't hurt to look."

Travis opened the second drawer. He was greeted with a document cover reading: LEVEL 4 CLASSIFIED. Kate slammed the drawer shut again, almost crushing Travis' fingers in the process.

"What did you do that for?"

"We're not here to look at classified documents!"

"I mean… yeah. Just yeah."

It was around this point that the severity of this violation became apparent. Information Security violations at the Foundation are probably the second fastest way to lose your job right behind straight up causing a containment breach.

"We really shouldn't be in here," Travis said at last.

"An astute observation if I do say so myself."

The two junior researchers looked up to see the silhouette of one Jeremiah Cimmerian standing in the doorway. He had his arms crossed, his brow raised, and his brows furrowed.

"Oh shit," Kate muttered.

"Oh shit is right," Cimmerian responded, "I don't need to tell you how deep that shit is, do I?"

Travis and Kate swallowed in unison. Cimmerian flipped on the light switch, and sauntered over to the two junior researchers. He looked at the papers they had placed on his desk.

"Did you two really come in here… just to read my senior staff slashfic?"

Kate started, "I mean—"

"Yes. Yes we did."

Cimmerian just shook his head at the ground.

"Umm… can I just ask a question?" Travis said.

"You aren't exactly in any position to ask questions."

"Why? Why smut? Don't you have a degree in English or something?"

Cimmerian couldn't help but crack a smile.

"That's your question?"

"We're screwed anyways… so yeah."

Cimmerian pulled out the chair that was still tucked away underneath his desk, and took a seat. Then motioned for the two junior researchers to move, so they shuffled around to the front of the desk.

"You see, I spend a lot of my day writing and reading reports detailing research and casualty counts and budgets. It all becomes quite grating after a while, you know?"

Travis and Kate both nod.

"So, I write about a fictional universe. A good way to take a break from this real one."

The three just stood there, each looking around at each other, waiting for someone to do or say something to conclude these nighttime shenanigans. Eventually Cimmerian just waved them off, and, after taking another look at each other, Kate and Travis scampered away.

After he was certain no one was looking, Cimmerian reached into the second drawer and checked to make sure all of the papers were there as well. They were. He sighed with relief. He wouldn't know what to do if they got to the "Clef, Kondraki, and a 20oz Aquafina Water Bottle. Part 2.".

本文翻译自[[*user ]]创作的

Yeah, so, remember a while back when me and M████, we got hold of that excellent ████, and we were like, whoa, holy ████, that is excellent, and then we shared some of the ████ we had? Well, M████'s like, dude, we should do that again, and I'm like, yeah, man, we totally should, and so we did.

Test One

Hey man, you already used that one in the last thing! —Dr. M████

Oh yeah. Hold on, lemme count…. —Dr. C████

Test One Test A Billion

What the… man, you can't count that high! Fix that ████! —Dr. M████

Test One Test A Billion

Hey man, I gave some of this ████ to that dude with the arm. —Dr. M████

Did he like it, man? —Dr. C████

I think so, man, he gave me a thumb's up. —Dr. M████

Transcript SCP-1193-2-WDY-4:

<Begin Recording, 04/01/2016, 10:26 AM>

Dr. Ernest: Hello, who is calling please?
SCP-1193-01: Duuuuude!
Dr. Ernest: I'm sorry?
SCP-1193-01: Oh my god, man, it's just… duuuuuude!
Dr. Ernest: I'm sorry, I don't understand. What are you talking about?
SCP-1193-01: Dude, this ████ is excellent, man!
Dr. Ernest: What's, um, this ████ you're talking about?
SCP-1193-01: Oh, ████, sorry man, gotta go, Dave's here.
CALL TERMINATED

<End Recording>

Test B

I gave some of this ████ to those hot catgirl chicks, man! —Dr. C████

I told you, man, quit tryin' to get laid with that ████! Besides, man, they can totally kick your ass all the way back to LA! —Dr. M████

I know, man, they totally did. Totally worth it, though, man. These chicks really know how to get spaced out! —Dr. C████

Test C

What if we give some of this ████ to that dude who doesn't like anybody? Maybe it'll mellow him out some. —Dr. M████

GO AWAY, MONKEY MAN, YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS ████ —SCP-1171-1

Dude, that ████ worked! —Dr. C████

Test D

Hey man, what happened when you gave that ████ to that basketball game? —Dr. M████

Oh wow, man, it turned into a Dead show! —Dr. C████

Aw, ████ yeah, man, was Jerry there? —Dr. M████

Yeah, man, he looked pretty good too, for, you know, bein' dead and all. —Dr. C████

Test E

Hey man, let's give some of this ████ to that weird clown guy. —Dr. C████

I dunno, man, clowns are some scary ████. —Dr. M████

Don't worry, man, it'll be cool. —Dr. C████

Incident CN-0993-Q: On 04/08/16, a new episode of "Bobble the Clown" was intercepted.
Episode Name: "Bobble Gets Baked"
Episode Description: The episode begins with Bobble the Clown sitting on a couch smoking a comically-oversized marijuana cigarette. Instead of the typical clown outfit, Bobble is wearing a Bob Marley t-shirt, a gray hoodie, and pajama bottoms decorated with marijuana leaves. The rest of Bobble's costume— hat, wig, makeup, nose, gloves, and shoes— are as typical. The episode is divided into three segments: "How To Roll the Perfect Doobie", "How To Make a Bong Out of Found Materials", and "How To Take Over the Regional Black Market Drug Trade With Ruthless Efficiency". The last segment is by far the longest, and ends with a six-plus-minute montage of Bobble the Clown gunning down drug rivals using a wide variety of powerful firearms.

I told you clowns are scary as ████! —Dr. M████

Yeah, man, totally. But that clown knows his ████. —Dr. C████

Test F

Man, I tried to give some of this ████ to that old dude who keeps gettin' cut up, but he just said No. —Dr. M████

Test G

Hey man, we should give some of this ████ to that guy… oh what's his name…? Oh yeah, Spanky! —Dr. M████

Incident DK-2337-48L: On 04/17/16, at 23:35, an excessive auditory event occurred in Interview Room 19 at Site-17. Sound pressure measurements estimate loudness in excess of 120 dB within ten meters of Interview Room 19, setting off seismic detectors around the site. Witnesses describe the sound as "like a hacking cough, except cacking".

Dude. Cack, man. Just… cack. —Dr. M████

Whoa. That's some deep ████, man. —Dr. C████

Test H

Yeah man, so I was looking for a place to light up, without any people around, so I went out on this staircase, and it looked all right, quiet, no one around… but then all this freaky ████ started happenin', and I got out of there, man, but I must have dropped my joint back there somewhere. I just lost my ████, man. —Dr. C████

Image Captured 04/22/2016 @ 16:48:

Show Image

以下内容来自Mortimer Phillips董事长的收件箱：

致董事长Phillips：
我很确信西翼的工人们在计划成立工会。我想最好的应对方式应该是吓吓他们，或许用那个风车⁷就不错？
人力资源部，Elliot Browning

Morty：

We got a problem with a breach in the lower floors. Apparently some low-level got ahold of a really sharpened pencil and has seized the putty manufacturing line along with some other rebels. They will, of course, be "fired" once this is resolved. 下层似乎裂了条缝，很显然一些低级人员拿到了一支削得很尖的铅笔⁸，然后和其他的一些反叛者一起占领了油灰生产线。当然，在事情解决后他们会被立刻“解雇”。

Jim

董事长Phillips：

Attached you'll find a financial statement for the next fiscal quarter. Summary: Our stickers have gone down in sales, possibly due to skepticism. On the other hand, Dark Ltd. has agreed to begin distributing our dish-blood items. Our recommendation is a 10% increase in sales price to Dark Ltd. with the agreement that we provide a given quota of 200 annually. 我把下个会计季度的财务报表放在附件里了。简而言之：我们的贴纸⁹的销量下降了，可能是因为对我们产品的不信任。另一方面，Dark公司同意配销我们的产品。我们建议向Dark公司提高10%的售价，并每年提供200个配额。

Corporate

Monty：

I found this note on my door today, right before my desk exploded: 今天我在门上发现了一张贴在上面的纸条，正好是我办公桌爆炸前几秒：

致Killborn先生，

We will no longer take this bullshit. It is time us workers fight for our rights, and none of you assholes at HR can stop us. Consider this a final warning before we blow this place sky high! 我们不会再吃你这一套，现在是我们工人为自己的权力奋战的时候了！你们这些人力资源部的混蛋们阻止不了我们的。这是我们在把这个鬼地方炸上天前的最后通牒！

I am recommending increased security until this issue is resolved. 我建议在这个问题彻底解决前先增加安保措施。

Jim

Hey boss, 嘿老板：

Where would you like that jacuzzi installed? 你想在哪里安装按摩浴缸？

Reggie

Monty：

We've found the culprits. Needless to say, their contracts with us have been terminated. 我们找到那个罪魁祸首了，不用说，他被我们“炒鱿鱼”了。

Jim

致Phillips先生：

We regret to inform you that several of your employees have been terminated due to gross negligence in the shipping of your products. We were able to recover the products and they are now being distributed, but we would recommend that next time your shipping personnel come unarmed as we requested. 我们很遗憾地通知您，由于在你们产品运输中发生的重大疏忽，你们的几名雇员已被处决。我们已经回收了产品并正常发出，但我们希望下一次送货时你们的运输人员能像我们要求的那样徒手前来。

Carter

Dear Pigheaded Corporate Scum, 致愚蠢的公司走狗：

This is your final hour. You may have killed our friends, but we still stand strong against the inhumane oppression you propagate against us. As you are reading this a 10 megaton nuclear warhead is being aimed at your factory, and be re-assured we will not hesitate to blow this place to hell if you don't meet our demands. 这是你人生的最后一小时了，你可能已经杀了我们的朋友，但我们依然会坚定的反抗你们对我们所做的那些不人道的压榨行为。当你读到这里的时候，一枚千万吨级的核弹头已经瞄准了你们的工厂，如果你们拒绝满足我们的要求，我们就会毫不犹豫的把这里炸成地狱。

Fuck you 日你

致Mortimer：

We've recently been getting reports of your employees attempting to engage in nuclear warfare. While we are not concerned with your internal affairs, it is rather bothersome to cover up a nuclear explosion. We've stopped them now, but next time, keep your subordinates in line. 我们已经收到你的雇员企图挑起一场核战争的报告。

Franz

President Phillips,

We've filled out your request to install software allowing you to see the previous edits of memos.

Maintenance

Morty,

Hey, you know that hot chick from Corporate? Well I've been hitting on her a little much lately and she's filed for sexual harassment with HR. All I did was send her a picture of my nads something pretty cool looking. Could you let this one slide? Pretty please?

Jim

==ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL==

This is an automated message. There has been an explosion somewhere in the WEST WING. It is recommended that you avoid the area for the next THREE days.

Hey boss,

I kind of messed up on that jacuzzi installation. Can I try the East Wing instead?

Reggie

President Phillips,

We are currently undergoing some re-configuration of wages as our replacement employees are discussing unionizing.

Corporate

Mort,

We're over.

Janette

President Phillips,

We have filled out your request for the termination of Janette Wesley.

Security

Morty,

I heard you got rid of Janette. Could you at least wait a few days next time? You know how good I am with rebound chicks.

Jim

Morty,

Hey, you asshole. What the fuck are you doing, sending your goons on me? Hey, what was with those guys in my office today? We're friends, right? I won't bother you again, promise.

Jim

Hey boss,

I found Jim in your jacuzzi today. He said you let him. Just thought I'd make sure.

Reggie

President Phillips,

James Killborn has been demoted to assembly line duty, at your request.

Human Resources

Footnotes

SCP Sandbox III

Sandbox III: Revenge of the Sandbox