Per 
REASSIGNMENT
[REDACTED] SITE MANAGER'S OFFICE ENTRANCE, 03/3/20██, 10:25
(Fitzgerald is sitting outside an office, nervously waiting.)
Johnson: Fitzgerald
Fitzgerald: Yes?
Johnson: Get in.
[REDACTED] SITE MANAGER'S OFFICE, 03/3/20██, 10:27
(Fitzgerald is sitting in a chair in front of a desk. On the other side, Johnson is looking through a file. He puts it inside of a drawer, and closes it.)
Johnson: I've just got off the phone with one of the overseers.
Fitzgerald: And?
Johnson: Well, you are lucky. For what you did, they're only going to reassign you somewhere else
Fitzgerald: What? But it wasn't my fault! I-
Johnson: What's done is done. Be thankful you weren't demoted.
Fitzgerald: Alright, I think that you all have blown this out of proportion
Johnson: You realize this could have gotten far worse by a hair's breadth?
Fitzgerald: "Hair's breadth". Who talks like that?
Johnson: I do. Don't try to swizzle swazzle from your actions.
Fitzgerald: "Swizzle swass-"
Johnson: Site-E. Pack your stuff, you have 36 hours to arrive there.
Fitzgerald: Fine. When does transport arrive?
Johnson: Never. The location has been left in your office. As I said, you have 36 hours to get there
—rework that line
Fitz: Okay, okay, okay. New experiences are always new opportunities, right? Yeah, that's bullshit.
SITE-E ENTRANCE, 04/4/20██, 06:57
(Site-E is located in a cliff, surrounded by a thick forest. The entire facility is completely enclosed by a 10 meter concrete wall. Fitzgerald arrives by foot to the entrance, looking exhausted. In front of him is a closed iron door, thrice as big as him.)
Intercom: Please approach the gate.(Fitz complies.).Deliver your credentials and belongings for inspection.
(Fitzgerald puts his bag in the door's shaft. After a couple of minutes, a bell rings and the iron gates open. Fitzgerald enters to find a large courtyard, in the middle of which lies a tall, square building. To his left is a small guard booth, where a guard is smoking a cigarrette. Fitz approaches the cabin to notice his bag is on a table.)
Guard: Everything is okay, here's your stuff. (Fitz rummages through his bag.)
Fitzgerald: Hey, where are my cigarrettes?
Guard: Sorry, security policy. You can't bring them in.
Fitzgerald: Then what's that in your hand?
Guard: Im smoking, which is different.
Fitzgerald: Ehm, to smoke a cigarrette you need to acquire one first.
Guard: Yup.
Fitzgerald: Thereby, you need to bring cigarrettes to this facility, which, according to you are forbidden.
Guard: Nope. What's forbidden is to bring cigarrettes. Not smoking.
Fitzgerald: That doesn't make any sense.
Guard: Nope, it doesn't. I don't make the rules, I just, uhm, play by them.
Alarm blares.
Intercom: Containment Breach Alert. All personnel proceed with Security Protecol Charlie Alpha One On-
Fitzgerald: (Panicking.)Oh shit, what do I do, what are we suppossed to do?
Guard: Oh, let me just turn this off. //(Presses a button beneath the desktop. The alarm goes silent.) //Sometimes the alarm goes off for some reason. However, the intercoms here have a red light beneath, which is only activated if there actually is a breach. So, first tip for you newbie, watch out for the red light. If its on, you're on your way to become mince meat
Fitzgerald: I guess I would taste like sweaty nerd.
Guard: Haha, alright, go in. The Manager is waiting for you. Also, the name's Randy. Welcome to the worst site the Foundation can offer.
SITE-E MANAGER'S OFFICE, 04/4/20██, 07:27
(Fitz is waiting in an office. A bald, well dressed man enters, and sits in front of him.)
Director: Hello.
Fitzgerald: Good morning, Mr Sievert?
Director: Everyone just calls me Abe here.
Fitzgerald: Alright, Mr Abe. I was told to come to talk to you.
Mr Abe: Yes. You are now a member of Site-E. This site's main purpose is to store, maintain, and, ocassionally, research transient SCP items. We are a bit understaffed at the moment, so besides your academical duties, you may be assigned to other tasks every once in a while.
Fitzgerald: What sort of tasks?
Mr Abe: Oh, the usual. Higienical, Administrative, Security. Nothing too complicated.
Mr Abe: Mr Abberkjarfl, I know what you are thinking. "This is punishment". Please bear in mind that I have no interest in creating an hostile work enviroment, I just have to make do with what I've got in order to make ends meet.
Fitzgerald: I didn't say anything. I'd never even heard of this place before.
Mr Abe: Very well, Fitz. On your way here, you must have passed through the second floor. Go back there, and search for your room. It already has your name in the plaque. Here are your keys. Leave your things and go to checkpoint Alpha. Our security chief will meet you there for further directions. Welcome to Site-E.
A QUICK TOUR
SITE-E CHECKPOINT ALPHA, 04/4/20██, 08:13
(Fitzgerald is sitting in front of the checkpoint doors. Suddenly, a bell rings, the doors open, and a male, gray haired individual dressed as a coronel, approaches Fitz. He is carrying a clipboard.)
????:Welcome Mr…Abb..Mr Abberkjulr…-
Fitz: Just call me Fitz.
????: Alright, Fitz. My name is Zachary Ames, or Ames, for short. Im the chief of Security at this site. The Director has instructed me to give you a quick tour of the facilities, and deliver you to your direct superior. (Ames goes through the checkpoint and calls for the elevator.)This facility has 6 levels. The first one, which is where we currently are, contains the administrative offices, the living quarters, cafeteria and recreation amenities. Though it actually contains 3 different floors, we just refer to it as "Level -1".
The elevator arrives with a little *ding*.
Ames: After you. The second level, partially below ground, contains the tram terminal. We usually receive supplies and SCP items for temporal storage here, but this tram is also meant to be a secondary point of evacuation.
Fitz: But wouldn't it be easy to avoid the checkpoint above and just sneak to the tram?
The elevator arrives. The doors open, revealing a wide open underground tram station, with several crates piled to the sides of the walls.
Ames: Good guess, but no. Follow me please.
SITE-E CHECKPOINT BETA, 04/4/20██, 08:20
Ames: Here's the main checkpoint. Though both checkpoints are just as strict, the only way to access the rest of the levels is here. Notice the big door at the left. That's where heavy cargo comes through.
Both pass the personnel gate and enter the elevator.
Ames: This is where the real site begins.
A female scientist runs towards the elevator, but its doors are already half way closed.
Scientist: Hold up!. I-
The elevators doors close.
Fitz: Wait! Who was that?
Ames: Sorry, I was reading a file. It sounded like Akhila, though.
Fitz: Who's Akhila?
Ames: A Senior Researcher in level 3. Been with us for seven years already.
Fitz: A-
Ames: Since we got talking about levels, Levels -1 and 0 are the ones we've already been through. Level 1 holds Class-D personnel and Safe level Experimentation chambers. Level 2 has Safe level containment chambers, while Level 3 has Euclid Containment chambers. All levels are connected by both this and the cargo elevators, as well as the emergency stairs.
The elevator doors open.
Ames: This is were I leave you. Head straight forward and to the first office to the right. Dr Sully is suppossed to take care of you now.
Fitz: Alright, see you later, Chief Ames.
Ames: Dames? Wh-
Elevator door closes.
SITE-E LEVEL 1, ADMINISTRATION, 04/4/20██, 08:24
Fitz walks towards the office.
Fitz: (To himself.) Well, that was odd. But so far so good. No people screaming, no insane Dbois painting stars with poo…
Fitz arrives at Dr Sully's office.
Fitz: (To himself.): Dr Sully - Safe-Level Testing Manager.(Knocks on the door.) Nobody. (Tries to open the door.) Locked.
Fitz sits in the bench in front of the office. After a couple of minutes, Fitz hears a distant ding.
Fitz: //(To himself.) The rec room seemed nice.
The scientist from before comes thorugh the corner, looks around, and sits on the bench.
Scientist: Ahhh, what a morning. You'd think that this line of work would be interesting after all that introductory bullcrap and that "reality bending" wacko, but most of the time you either have to look at documents for 3 hours, or stare at an orange suit trying to make a thingy do something.
Fitz: Hehe, I get you. One time, I had to watch them sleep for hours with the jade ring. We were suppossed to play a list of sounds, and see if those changed facial expressions, vital signs or their ECG patterns. The first times were a bit fun, since some of those sounds were farts, or that scream that they always put in movies. But man, after 3 days and 25 subjects, stuff got pretty boring.
Scientist: Oh, don't talk me about the ring. There was a time the big wigs were obssessed with the damn thing. They sent it here, and we had to try it out to see if it it interacted with SCP-1230. The most interesting thing that day was that one of the subjects got a 3 hour erection. The main researcher was not happy to read that in the report. She even sent a complaint to Sievert, saying things like "cuestionable observation methodology", "unreliable conditions", "poor hygiene", yadda yadda.
Fitz: Yep, most of whom I've met are just stuck-up, know it all assholes. One time, I went to a conference in one of the big sites, and I went to buy something at this anomalous vending machine, and one of the seniors began yelling at me, saying "What the hell do you think you're doing, you moron!"
Scientist: You do realize that's an SCP, right? 294?
Fitz: Yeah, I know. I'd read the file, and had enough clearance to use it. But the point is, the guy was lambasting me because, for whatever reason, he thought I didn't know what I was doing. So I decided to play a little joke.
Scientist: What sort of joke?
Fitz: I asked 294 to make "Spicy coffee". When I got the chance, I swapped his cup with mine and after a couple of sips, the guy began crying for water. He even went to 294 and tried to type "water", but he was so desperate that he misstyped like 5 times. And when he got it, he dropped it. That was a fun conference indeed.
Scientist: (Laughs.) He deserved it.
Fitz: Yeah.
A couple of seconds of silence.
Fitz:So, what are you here for?
Scientist: Oh, I'm suppossed to meet someone, but they didn't told me his name, or how does he look like.
Fitz: Oh, yeah. I'm here to meet Dr Sully too. He's suppossed to tell me all about the facility and-
Roof tile falls and shatters at the end of the hallway.
Fitz: And-
Scientist: Wait. I'm Dr Sully. Silvia Sully. Are you Dr Abber, Abbrje, Abberjawinski?
Fitz: Abberkjarfl, or "Fitz", for short. Im not yet a "Doctor", I still have to finish my thesis.
Silvia: Ohhhhhhh. Ok. Let me get my keys and we'll get right in.
THE CATTLE PROD
SITE-E LEVEL 1, DR. SULLY'S OFFICE, 04/4/20██, 08:41
Silvia: Alright. Fitz. Here you will act as my assistant in testing. We receive SCPs from other sites, most of the times when the sties are compromised for whatever reason. We also get items that need testing in order to receive an SCP classification.
Fitz: And once they get it, you send them somewhere else.
Silvia: Usually, yes. The Site has seen better days, and we cannot store many items right now. That's why no one would even dream of bringing a Keter here, even though we are 250 meters underground.
Fitz: Wait. In the elevator I saw a button for a fourth level. What's with that?
Silvia: I have no idea. Officially, it's a level that wasn't completed due to some issues at the time. They say it was just left uncompleted. But the word is that they use it for some "classified" work, but there's no way to know. Only the site manager and whoever he wants to bring with him are allowed to go there.
Fitz: It does sound a bit suspicious.
Silvia: Everything about this site is suspicious, you'll get used to it. The saying is that "Nothing ever happens in Site-E.". (Looks at a clock hanging beside the door.) It's time for your first job so grab one of the coats from the hanger and follow me. We've got work to do.
SITE-E LEVEL 1, TESTING CHAMBER C, OBSERVATION ROOM, 04/4/20██, 09:01
Silvia: Very well. Fitz, start recording.
Fitz:(Grabs a hand recorder.)Tentative SCP subject, denominated "Cattle Prod", initial test log. At first sight, the item is an electrical cattle prod, approximatedly one and a half meters long, painted yellow, with no manufacturer markings. Two 30mm by 5m cables extend from the base of the prod and are connected to a boost converter, which is connected to two 12 volt lead acid batteries, and has a panel with a switch and a dial. The inverter and the batteries are mounted in a metal hand truck. The item was recovered at a dairy farm in ████████, █████. Recovery teams were told that, when used on a human, the victim vocalizes bovine sounds.
Silvia approaches the observtion room's microphone
Silvia: Subject D-51236, enter the testing chamber.
(A female D-Class personnel enters the chamber.)
Fitz: (To recorder.)Subject D-51326 is a 31 year old Caucasian female, in perfect health.
D-51326: Hi Silvia!
(Silvia slowly waves at D-51326.)
Fitz: Huh. Subject D-52326, enter the testing chamber.
(A male D-Class personnel enters the chamber.)
D-52326: Sup, Aurora.
Fitz: (To recorder.) Subject D-52326 is a healthy 36 year-old Caucasian male.
Silvia: D-52326, sit on the chair. Aur-… D-51326, restrain him.
Fitz: (To recorder.) Subjects follow orders accordingly.
Silvia: D-51326, grab the cattle prod at your left.
D-52326: I like where this is going.
Silvia: 51326, switch on the converter. Good, now touch subject D-52326's right leg with the tip of the prod.
D-51326: Ok.
D-52326: Ow.
Fitz: (To recorder.) First test is conducted with the converter dial turned to its first notch. Subject expresses mild pain. No bovine vocalizations.
Silvia: Alright, stop. D-51326, turn dial to position number two. Repeat the previous action.
D-52326: OWWWWW OWWWW. STOP IT DAMMIT OWWWWW.
Silvia: Ok, remove the prod.
D-52326: YOU FUC-
Fitz: (To recorder.) Test with inverter dial in second position causes longer and louder vocalizations, as well as minor spasms. No bovine vocalization could be herd, heard. (Fitz turns to Silvia.) Maybe we should measure how many volts does that thing output for each notch.
Silvia: Yes, good idea. We are gonna suspend testing unt-
(An elder, tall, gray haired individual wearing goggles enters the room.)
Silvia: Oh, hi, researcher Flynn.
Flynn: Greetings, Dr Sully. And who are you, young man?
Fitz: Fitzgerald Abberkjarfl. Fitz for short.
Flynn: Dr. Fitzgerald, a pleasure to meet you. Dr Sully, I'm afraid you cannot cancel this round of testing, Mrs Sully. We are suppossed to ship this item tomorrow at 2 in the morning.
Silvia: But I was informed that this item arrived no more than two hours ago. We should still have about one more day for testing, at least.
Flynn: Yes, normally that would be the case, but Sievert has told me that there was an error with shipping, and that the item has been in this facility for two days already, and the order was to ship it tonight to Site-██.
Silvia: Then, we shall do all the tests today. I don't want Abe on my back again for this.
Fitz: It's going to be a crunch, but I guess we can make it.
Flynn: I concur. I'll be back later with some coffee and a multimeter.
Flynn leaves the room. Silvia and Fitz turn back to the observation glass.
Fitz: Shit, I forgot to pause the recording.
Silvia: Nevermind, almost nobody listens to them anyways. D-51326, set the dial back to the first notch. Repeat testing on D-52326's right leg.
SITE-E LEVEL 1, TESTING CHAMBER C, OBSERVATION ROOM, 04/4/20██, 13:49
Flynn and Fitz are seated, drinking coffee. Silvia has both of her arms in the table, looking tired.
Silvia: D-52326, sorry, D-51326, set the dial on position number 7, and touch D-51326's right ribs…
Flynn: (Sips coffee.) Yes, I see. But you need to put yourself into other people's shoes, young man. After all, us "old coots" haven't got our seniority by mere trial and error.
Fitz: (Fitz mouth is half-full of cookies.) Isn't science just trying things out and writing them down?
Flynn: Mr Fitzgerald, I've watched that Mythbusters' episode too. Observation and experimentation require discipline, as well as the theoretical framework. We need to ideate the perfect conditions so that observation may give us data that is useful to our cause. While your description of scientific work is somewhat valid, it ignores these important concepts.
D-52326: OWWWWWWW. AAAHHHHHHHHH.
Fitz: You mean something like this right here? Because all the data I can gather from here is "Electric shocks are painful".(Grabs recorder.) Test with converter dial at notch number 7, touching the subjects ribs, yields the same results as tests with notch at levels 2, 3, and 5.
Flynn: Yes, but as I said before, there are different types of research. In this case, exploratory research. As you may remember from your courses, we are sailing on unknown seas. Any method is as valid as the other. But-
Fitz: Hey, don't lecture me on research methods.
Flynn: But, since our research is concerned with how this item affects humans, we are justified in using this particular methodology.
D-52326: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Silvia: You realize that the prod hasn't even touched you yet, right?
Fitz: You mean that, this is more valid than testing on, say chimpanzees. That's just dumb
Flynn: Why?
Fitz: Let's assume that this item is anomalous. What if, say, it can cure any diseases on, mmm, pigs. Or if used on the heart of the Broken God it suddenly turns everyone into a transformer like being. That information cannot possibly be known through this research method.
Flynn: Yes, good point. But still, we don't need to know that.
D-52326: Try again? That didn't do anything.
D-51326: Oh, sorry, it was off
D-52326: OW!
Fitz: How come so.
Flynn: Remember our purpose. We first contain. Research is secondary. We need not to know what happens if SCP-X kills everyone when combined with SCP-Y. We don't need to know if they instead stop the universe from ending. We don't even need to know what do they do.
Fitz: Bold words from someone who makes a living figuring how things work.
Flynn: Yes and no. We do have a need to know whether they affect mankind or not. And if so, how do they do that. I couldn't care less what does that thing do to a monkey, a lion, or a scarab. It's either going to get contained, or thrown inside of a furnace. Both outcomes are just as good for me.
Fitz: So, that means this exercise is ultimately meaningless to you.
Flynn: Not necessarily. If it's just a regular item, then indeed this is menaingless. If it is anomalous, even though it's purported properties are mildly interesting at best, it still is anomalous. Henceforth, we put it in a box, and we send that box to the attic. We do our part.
Silvia: Ok, stop recording. Let's have another break. Im hungry and I think James is numb from the shocks.
