Per 
Item #: 5000
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The Phantom Potato must be contained in a 20 foot by 20 foot completely steel crate, located on floor [DATA RETRACTED]. Otherwise risk dangerous chemicals reaching the heart of the facility, which can prove deadly to any faculty member nearby. The steel walls are 3 feet thick to prevent the gases, and there are no vents. However, there is a vacuum-operator which made the room completely an air-tight sealed area. Study of the object is also a very special routine.
If anyone were to decide to study this thing, first they'd have to obtain Ktanhcv Suits. These suits are specially designed to withstand the air-tight seal, made of special fibers which keep the wearer safe from harm. A special elevator (Which also has a vacuum) must be used to reach the potato. Note: THE ELEVATOR MUST BE TAKEN WITH A KTANHCV SUIT!! The next step is to use a pair of clamps to grab the potato, and put it in an air-tight sealed bag. Then you may exit the room, and take it to Research Chamber 32, where professionals can handle the rest.
Once the object is in the chamber, the researchers also must wear Ktanhcv Suits, otherwise, they will die. The gases will drive them mad, and then their heads explode. Once they are good, use the vacuums to make an air-tight chamber. Using clamps, remove the potato from the bag. This thing is mega-dangerous. If one were to touch this (Even with the Ktanhcv Suits) Their skin would boil and melt, and their soul would be RIPPED from their vessel and be sucked into a purple fire that the potato releases only when someone touches it. Their soul would disappear and be added to its, "Soul Realm". See what I mean?! THIS THING IS EVIL! But then again, it's common sense not to touch it. Once it is out of the bag, they are free to examine it. They can dissect it, look at it, draw on it.
Administrator Note: It has been observed that if the potato is drawn on, it will either sink the ink inside of the potato, or fly at the person who drew on it and kill them. So, no, don't draw on it. However, anybody with a level 4 rank is able to draw on it without dying, for some reason. We had Grand Mark [DATA RETRACTED] take several art supplies and draw on the potato. Nothing stayed. Markers, no. Paint, no. Even sharpies didn't work. Then, we brought out the big guns. A bucket filled with substances which were chemically created to stain absolutely anything it gets poured on. Once he tried that, we were surprised to see that it hardened, and turned into a dust once it touched the potato's skin… nothing we tried WORKED!!
After completion of the research, all steps must be done BACKWARDS in order to contain the potato once more. Suspicious activity will also be mentioned: Data Files -> Access denied. Re-Enter card information. -> Access granted. -> Research -> Recordings -> Recording 5.6 -> Select Main Drive -> Drive 9B -> Play -> Playing…
[RECORDING 5.6, LOADING]
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Are we rolling?
???: Yes. We are.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Good! Okay, so this… uh. It's hard to explain. This new object is just so silly!
???: But it shouldn't be taken as such.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Indeed. Anyway, we are here to record our data for suspicious activity regarding… The Phantom Potato. Good god. Out of all the insane, down-right DEMONIC SCPs I've had to cover, I now need to research a purple potato.
???: Yeah,that's the point of this recording.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Of course. Well, as a first note, I have no clue why it's considered a keter. Like, come on! It's literally an inanimate object! People should know about it's dangers and avoid them!
???: Right, but this is something that releases dangerous gases that can mix in with air, and kill everyone on the planet, so you tell me.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Fine. The first thing we've noticed is that the screen casing of the cameras inside the chamber have scratches and/or cracks. We have no idea how this is even possible, but… it's research so…
???: Next, Dr. [DATA RECTRACTED]
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: The next strange activity we've noticed is just a usual portal to the Nightmare Realm every now and then appearing nearby. One time a creature came from the portal as people were trying to take the potato for research and… it KILLED them. It left afterwards, though.
???: Could you explain more?
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Yes, but… *Papers heard rustling.* We'd need to get the only living witness.
???: And who is that?
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Let's see here… *More papers rustling.* A level four guard on duty in the Heavy Containment Zone. By the name of Master Sergeant Damian. Appears to have transferred from Site [DATA RETRACTED].
???: I'll send him in.
*After a few minutes, a door is heard opening.*
Damian: Good afternoon, sirs.
???: Time is just a concept that helps our days on this Earth seem more organized, Master Sergeant. When you're in a place like this, you really get to see first-hand that time has no real meaning.
Damian: Don't get philosophical, sir. I'm here to tell you about The Phantom Potato-A?
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Correct. I only knew about it because some people working on the security cameras witnessed the whole thing.
Damian: Speaking of which, I brought the original tape.
*Chairs heard scrapping the concrete floor.*
???: Okay, so tell us about The Phantom Potato-A, please.
Damian: Alright. I'd have to start from the very beginning. From when the anomaly first arrived here.
???: Got it. This whole thing is being recorded right now under 5.6. I'll edit anything said that is… classified.
Damian: Right. I'll begin! So when the object was first found, everyone in my Platoon was curious but at the same time, not taking it seriously at all. "It's just a potato, we thought. Nothing bad at all." Of course, when we saw the thing being taken to it's containment chamber, we saw it's purple skin, and a vacuum sealed bag.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: When did you learn that it was dangerous?
Damian: I heard that some of the junior scientists had to examine the potato. They didn't know that the gases were dangerous. The potato was found in the bag, and when they were taking it to the chamber for immediate research, the gases flooded out once the bag was opened. Thank god they decided to leave the door shut. I'm pretty sure then it was considered Keter. The chamber was in an earlier stage of construction, so we didn't have the vacuum or cameras yet, so there was no way to prove it.
???: So, I assume some people from your Platoon didn't believe it?
Damian: Not until the vacuum was built and they room was cleaned. When the bodies showed up, they knew it wasn't just a potato. But something bigger than that. As more research came up, the more interesting it became. When the Special Research Procedures were made, that was where the pinnacle of the interest came. Before The Phantom Potato-A even happened, we knew about the portals, we just decided to never examine them until then.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: So, this is where the story begins?
Damian: Yeah. Me and my Platoon were told a plan where we would assist some senior researchers to the room with the suits on. The researchers would then take the potato from the bag in an attempt to take it to the Research Chamber, in the hopes a portal will appear.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: And the rest is history, then.
???: Yep. We all put it in the documents.
Damian: We only performed this to see what the portal was.
???: And when the creature came out, you immediately recognized it as SCP-[DATA RETRACTED], The Nightmare Realm?
Damian: Correct. We got some good eye-fulls. Before we got our eyes removed. God, it just… play the tape.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Okay. Let's stay silent for the viewing.
*Object heard being wheeled over. Dr. [DATA RETRACTED] inserts VHS tape.*
???: I'll record the event over 5.6.
*Blast door heard opening. Footsteps.*
Platoon Member: Okay, Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]. Here are the clamps.
*Platoon Member hands a pair of pliers to a senior researcher. He walks over to the zip-lock bag and opens it before inserting the pliers into the bag. Then, the portal appears, and makes a sound described as, a catapult launching, but echoed with little zaps of lighting in the background.*
Platoon Member: It worked!
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Approach the portal with caution.
Platoon Member: It looks like a portal to the Nightmare Realm!
*The Platoon Member turns around.*
Damian: I don't want to watch this…
Platoon Member: LOOK OUT!!
Platoon Member: What?
*The Platoon Member turns around to face a monster from the Nightmare Realm, and then gets impaled by a spike from the monster's arm. There is distant screaming and gun-fire, and the senior researchers run to the door and try to open it.*
Senior Researcher: DON'T OPEN THE DOOR! THE GASES WILL INFECT THE WHOLE SITE!!
Senior Researcher: WE ARE GOING TO DIE!! I HAVE TO GET OUT!!
*More Platoon Members get massacred, leaving only the researchers and two Platoon Members. As the Senior Researchers run and grab guns from dead Platoon Members, one faces down the monster. It swings it massive arms at the Platoon Member, but he ducks and plants a sticky grenade on the monster. The monster explodes and falls back, before running to the Platoon Member, and running over his body, and stabbing him repeatedly before he was in two pieces. The monster then ran over to the Senior Researchers and bites one's arm off with the run he held in it. Then monster then impaled them both from the heads, and lifted them up, grunting. Then, the last Platoon Member alive ran to it with another sticky grenade and planted it on it's head, and it exploded, before falling back into the portal. The portal closed, and he picked up the pliers and put the potato back in the bag, before the room was vacuum sealed once more, and he exited the room. The tape ends.*
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: It appears that the data that has been recorded proves that the SCP should be considered Keter, mainly due to the association with The Nightmare Realm.
*Heard footsteps.*
Damian: Is the tape over, finally?
???: Yes, it is.
Damian: Thank goodness. I didn't need to see it. It's already engraved into my head.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Well, if it's any consolation, I thought you were badass.
Damian: Dr. [DATA RETRACTED], you don't need to say that. The people in my Platoon were my friends.
???: That incident was what caused you to be promoted from Sergeant to Master Sergeant, correct?
Damian: Yes. But that doesn't excuse the fact that… nevermind.
Dr. [DATA RETRACTED]: Thank you for your time here with us, Master Sergeant Damian.
*Chairs heard moving*
[RECORDING 5.6, ENDING]
Description: The Phantom Potato appears to be a completely purple potato with an occasional purple fire that surrounds the potato upon skin contact. It is known that when skin contact is made with The Phantom Potato, the organism's skin will melt, until all that remains is a skeleton, then it is visible to see a ghost (Or possibly the soul of the person who touched it) to be sucked into the fire and be placed into the SCP's Soul Realm. It is unknown what this Soul Realm is or looks like. The purple potato was of an unknown creator, whether it be a farmer or some supernatural entity. We have done some smaller Class-D tests, and we can confer that the fire only appears when an living creature makes contact with the potato. The weird thing is, that it only does this on living beings. That is how the clamps or bag stays up well. The potato does indeed have eyes, but they are a darker purple color. It is unknown if the object can be turned to fries, but a test confirms that a knife or most any metal usually bends when the potato is struck. The SCP is extremely resilient and can resist dangerous temperatures. The potato constantly emits dangerous gases into the air. They are visible to the naked eye, and have been known to cause subjects who are exposed to the gases to go insane, and if they are exposed to and/or breathing the gases, their head will eventually explode. That is why the room and the bag the potato is stored in need to be completely air-sealed with vacuum technology. We aren't sure if the gases or skin contact will affect any creatures from The Nightmare Realm, but as of now, we are left to infer that due to the association of the two SCPs, we believe they don't affect creatures from The Nightmare Realm.
Origin: The Phantom Potato was found in a safe miles into the Earth's crust, appearing to have been placed ages ago, because the safe was all worn out and rusty. It was discovered when kids were rummaging around a part of [DATA RETRACTED] Europe, when they decided to go into a cave. They eventually stumbled across the safe, according to their testimony. The kids went missing, and a search team found several muddy footprints in one of the kid's backyard, leading downhill to the cave. Upon entering, after an hour or two the kids were safely pulled from the Earth, along with the safe. The Federal Bureau of Investigation was called, in which they responded by bring MTF personnel and Supreme Researchers to the scene, where the safe was taken and brought to Site [DATA RETRACTED]. They could not find the code for the safe, and it appeared to be made of some extra-terrestrial material, that even the Supreme Researchers couldn't identify. They tried for hours attempting to crack the code, before deciding to crack open the safe. The material held up well, before people from another Site distributed a Phantom Defibulizer to the scene, in which case the top of the case was blown clean-off. When they took the contents of the safe out, they found The Phantom Potato in a air-tight plastic bag, and a notebook, completely full with classified data. The only thing I could tell you was about the gases. Some of the notebook appeared to have been written in dead-languages, some probably from light years away. Thankfully, nobody was harmed during the discovery of The Phantom Potato, but that was before they learned that it was Keter.
