Per 
| Item #: SCP-4484 | Level 4/4484 |
| Object Class: Euclid | Classified |
Photo of SCP-4484, taken at time of discovery, prior to forcing 49 members of Site-19 staff to participate in a baking competition.
Special Containment Procedures: All mandatory staff meetings held at Site-19 are recorded and reviewed for a potential preference in SCP-4484 manifestation conditions. In the event of a SCP-4484 manifestation, attending members are to follow its instructions and avoid making any request it makes impossible. During an appearance, audiences with sufficient MTF presence are to direct SCP-4484's focus towards high priority Groups of Interest, including the creators of SCP-4484.
SCP-4484 before officiating a "Catch the Chaos Insurgent" tournament between MTF units stationed at Site-19.
Description: SCP-4484 is an anomalous humanoid that has an, as of yet, undetermined chance of manifesting at mandatory staff and security meetings conducted at Site-19. SCP-4484 appears in dress slacks, a button up shirt, a clip-on microphone, and occasionally a suit jacket, although their physical characteristics1 are unique to each manifestation. Upon appearance, the entity will display unalterably excited behavior and conduct a motivational speech. Afterwards, it will transport the attendees into a pocket universe where it requires them to complete what it calls a "team building exercise" before returning them.
SCP-4484 displays a high physical and temperamental tolerance for violent aggression unless said aggression threatens to make its required exercise impossible. In such cases or when a member of the audience attempts to leave the meeting area, SCP-4484 will render the attendee unconscious via strangulation. SCP-4484 accomplishes this either by hand or by a black, amorphous appendage extending out from between the buttons of its shirt.
Due to SCP-4484's desire for reciprocated excitement out of attending members, it is particularly susceptible to enthusiastic suggestions. With guidance from someone displaying a similarly energetic behavior as it, SCP-4484 can be convinced to abduct individuals outside the meeting for its designed exercise. While SCP-4484 refuses to transport individually named persons, its ability to transport targets within suggested demographics displays no limit in range.
Sgt. Pepper (center) and his team of MTF members working on their first place submission of a pineapple upside-down cake.
Addendum 4484.1: Discovery
SCP-4484 was discovered on 2019/08/15 when it appeared next to Senior Researcher Kordsmeier while she was giving a presentation. The entity acknowledged the resulting questioning from attendees as "showing initiative but lacking enthusiasm" before discussing what it learned on a six month long African safari for an hour and 47 minutes. SCP-4484 continued its speech uninterrupted while researchers performed tests on its interior, finding it to be composed of a mixture of Xerox brand toner waste, shredded paper with the Foundation letterhead, used redaction tape, and coffee grounds.
It's anecdote only ceased when Sgt. Pepper fired a 40 caliber handgun into its head from 10 cm away. SCP-4484 complimented Sgt. Pepper's "gumption" before instantaneously transporting all 49 members in attendance to a site resembling the English countryside containing several tents equipped for a baking competition. Attendees were instructed by the entity to form teams of four and attempt to bake and decorate a cake with at least one free standing, edible feature. Upon completion, SCP-4484 presented what it declared to be the winning team with one coupon for a free meal at the American seafood restaurant chain "Red Lobster"2 and transported all 49 personnel back to Site-19.
Addendum 4484.2: Recovered Email
Note: The following email was marked for deletion before being recovered by RAISA data recovery specialists on the work console of Foundation HR director Timothy Mascon.
From: ten.pics.rh|nocsammit#ten.pics.rh|nocsammit
To: ten.pics.rh|vrestsil_nimda#ten.pics.rh|vrestsil_nimda
Timestamp: 2019/10/17 02:22 PM
Subject: We have a problem
Attachement(s): Productivity_By_The_Numbers.pdf
You won't believe what I found on some gobbledygook covered thumbdrive in Steph's desk today; or maybe you would, this is Stephanie we're talking about. See the attached.
Now, I know damage control is what all of us are thinking right now. The last thing we want the Foundation thinking of us as is a pack of busybody fat ready to be cut. Someone has to manage all the personnel complaints ("paper shredding with a smile" as the research teams call it). Do they have to worry about how you calculate back-pay for someone trapped in a temporal anomaly?
Our job is vital to the success of the Foundation and the survival of humankind, no matter what the academics in the labs think. They would burn through junior researchers with toxic work environments like the world has an inexhaustible supply of PhDs.
I believe Steph just let the stress and shaming get to her, we've all been there. We can either offer her up to site command or bury this thing here. In my opinion, the genie is out of the bottle and no amount of wrist slapping is going to put it back in.
Besides, Site-19 could use a little more synergy.
Filename: Productivity_By_The_Numbers.pdf
Type of file: Portable Document Viewer (.pdf)
Opens with: Adobe Acrobat
Location: C:\Users\RAISA\TimMasconCaseFile
Size: 520 KB (533,225 bytes)
Size on disk: 524 KB (536,576 bytes)
Created: Sunday, Febrary 12, 2012, 07:31:53 AM
Modified: Monday, August 12, 2019, 10:13:22 PM
Accessed: Monday, August 12, 2019, 10:13:20 PM
Productivity By The Numbers
Esoteric Efficiency for the Organizationally Minded
Are you frustrated with your peers ignoring your bureaucratic brilliance? Feeling like you're the only one hearing the gears of the machine grinding against each other? Well strap yourselves in to your regulation compliant standing desk and prepare your ergonomic keyboard for a lesson in supervisory superiority! We have bound the souls of history's greatest motivators into one, simple ritual designed to distill their egos down to just their craft for your benefit! Thaumaturgically guaranteed to elevate your workplace to the cutting edge and bring your naysayers crawling to your upcoming award banquet or your sacrifice back!
Step One: Collect 70 kg or more of material waste created by your office. Examples include copier paper (crumpled or shredded), used up ink pens, coffee grounds, and spent printer cartridges but feel free to get creative! Your summoned savant of synergy works best when made from materials representative of your organization.
Step Two: Prepare a PDF document of your grievances and suggestions concerning your institution's workplace practices. Your evocation of efficiency will treat all items inscribed with equal priority.
Step Three: Soak the most important object in existence to you in pure grain alcohol. This is to be your sacrifice and must be inanimate at the time of ritual completion. It is vital that this object hold the highest personal gravitas to you out of anything not alive.
Step Four: Designate a number greater than four, hereafter referred to as $n$, and a date, each of which have high relevance to your sacrifice. Ensure you have the aforementioned materials ready as well as access to your workplace on this date.
Step Five: On your designated date, create a star with $n$ points out of your gathered waste materials in a high traffic area of your workplace. For practical and potency concerns, it is best to perform this ritual outside of work hours. Your paragon of productivity eats, breaths, and bleeds your overtime hours!
Step Six: Place $n^3$ copies of your prepared document in the center of your ritual area. Feel free to use digital mediums to accomplish this; modern thaumaturgy is USB 3.0 compatible!
Step Seven: Position your sacrifice atop the copies and set it aflame. If your sacrifice burns black before vanishing, you have succeeded and can expect your results in exactly 3 work days.
Addendum 4484.3: Disciplinary Hearing
Note: The below was sent to Site-19 Department Heads after an audit of Human Resources. Audit was prompted by the discovery of the remains of a 12 pointed star made of office waste in the HR main lobby carpet. The identity of PoI-4484 was discovered after connecting the excavation of the grave of Anthony Mullard, born 1995/02/20 and deceased 2007/08/12, to Junior Manager of Human Resources, Stephanie Mullard.
Site-19 Disciplinary Committee Memorandum
Date: 2019/11/29
Subject: Re: SCP-4484 PoI
Censured Personnel: HR Director Timothy Mascon, HR Junior Manager Stephanie Mullard
PoI 4484, AKA Foundation HR Junior Manager Stephanie Mullard
Per our meeting on 2019/11/25, Timothy Mascon has been docked one month's pay and demoted to Assistant Director of Human Resources. In addition, Junior Manager Stephanie Mullard has been amnesticized and her employment contract terminated. A cover story of blunt force trauma induced amnesia caused by an automotive accident was deployed to explain her eight year gap in memory. The grave site of Ms. Mullard's son has been restored to its original conditions prior to her excavation of the corpse within. This includes the implanting of a donor cadaver until the remains of Anthony Mullard can be located. Any attempt to confront Ms. Mullard concerning SCP-4484 will be met with similar disciplinary measures.
Let this be a reminder that while our practices are unfeeling, our personnel are not. Some of your subordinates will crack. There is no shame in this happening for either the supervisor or the supervised.
If you suspect someone in your department is having an issue with workplace harassment, their home life, or is not processing the stress and dangers of their career well, please refer them to the Department of Employee Wellness.
