Per 
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date: 18/11/2018
Total Items: 5 gallons industrial strength degreaser, 1 gallon industrial strength rust remover, 1 gallon industrial engine lubricant, 1 handwritten note reading “Use these supplies to give yourself a tune-up”
Note: Let’s see if I can give 914 a tune-up. Who knows how long it’s been since it last had one?
Input: All of above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One handwritten note reading “Thank you!”, one small metal and plastic statue of Maintenance Technician Johnson holding a wrench and standing in a gallant pose, with the base having “Hero” engraved on it. People who view the statue experience an intense desire to give M.T. Johnson either a promotion or a pay raise, whichever would lead to him getting paid more. Of note is that there are no traces of the cleaning supplies themselves on either the statue’s surface of it’s interior. Moved to secure containment.
Note: Now every pay raise or promotion I could ever possibly receive is going to be treated as a possible containment breach. Great. - Johnson
(Posted, formatting added during posting. As this was my first contribution to the site, it definitely needed the substantial community edits it received.)
*Name:** Dr. M████, Dr. C████
Date: 30/11/2018
Total Items: Some great ████
Input: Great ████
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Excellent ████
//Note: This is some great ████, man. - Dr. M████
(Posted, formatting added during posting. This one's a little bit embarrassing, I'll admit.)
Name: Dr. Greenway, Memetics Researcher
Date: 10/12/2018
Total Items: Three thesauri
Input: One thesaurus
Setting: 1:1
Output: One dictionary
Note: This is about what I expected. - Dr. Greenway
Input: One thesaurus
Setting: Fine
Output: One “Ultimate Thesaurus” that has the memetic property of causing anyone who sees it to use copious amounts of synonyms until amnestics are applied.
Note: I would like to solicit prompt amnesicisation in order to ameliorate these idiosyncratic vocalisational abnormalities. - Dr. Greenway
Note: Dr. Greenway was allowed to take a small dose of Class A amnestic and a short rest before continuing.
Input: One thesaurus
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unlabeled thesaurus that now contains words that do not exist as synonyms in addition to the normal synonyms. The new words possess a minor memetic effect that causes them to be perceived and used as normal words by a reader. Hearing the words spoken out loud carries the same effect. The effect is able to be partially counteracted by standard Foundation anti-memetic infection training.
Note: [REDACTED] need another amnestic [REDACTED]. - Dr.Greenway
(Posted, formatting added during posting. I originally intended this guy to be my permanent in-universe researcher, but I ended up switching to Maintenance Technician Johnson because I could only think of this one experiment for Dr. Greenway.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Input: 5 copies of the plans for a theoretical containment cell for a Keter-class memetic hazard, authored by Maintenance Technician Johnson for the purposes of this test
Note: I want to see how 914 reacts to containment cell plans, but I’m not going to use actual plans in a test for security reasons.
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Course
Output: A pile of ashes
Note: It looks like it was put through an incinerator. - MT Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of paper scraps
Note: The cut pattern is identical to a standard Foundation secure paper shredder. - MT Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 copy of the plans for a theoretical containment cell for a Euclid-class memetic hazard, ostensibly authored by Maintenance Technician Johnson
Note: I never actually wrote this, but here it is. - MT Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Fine
Output: Plans have been streamlined and are now labeled as “SCP-████ Containment Cell Plans” (This number has not yet been assigned.) Plans put into secure storage.
Note: This is interesting. - MT Johnson
Input: 1 copy of the containment cell plans
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 copy of the plans for a “All-Purpose Arcadion-Class Containment Cell”. Plans include the use of [SCP-073|berrilium bronze], as well as samples of SCP-████ and SCP-████ in it’s construction. Plans put into secure storage.
Note: I can’t really tell what this is meant to contain, but this is probably pretty much what we would get if we routinely used anomalies for containment purposes. Needless to say, we probably shouldn’t build this. - MT Johnson
(Posted, formatting added during posting. I made some minor edits to this one while I was posting it, as well as some improvements here and there later as well.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: One set of five wrenches, measured in inches
I don’t have much use for these, so I thought I’d use them to test 914’s effect on tools
Input: One 1/4 inch wrench
Setting: Course
Output: A pile of scorched metal shards
Input: One 3/8 inch wrench
Setting: Rough
Output: A small cube made out of stainless steel
Input: One 1/2 inch wrench
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 1-centimeter wrench
Input: One 5/8 inch wrench
Setting: Fine
Output: One short metal rod. It causes the holder to be instinctually aware of the location of every wrench, regardless of measurement, within a 5 meter radius of the holder.
Note: Well, that was an interesting experience. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out what this did. - MT Johnson
Input: One 11/16 inch wrench
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One outwardly unaltered wrench, however, it will teleport to the vicinity of MT Johnson whenever it is not being observed. It has no observable range and nothing has been able of inhibit the effect aside from constant observation of the wrench itself. Regardless of it’s condition upon disappearance, the unobserved portion of it will always appear whole and undamaged.
Note: It’s both useless and apparently impossible to get rid of. Anyone got any ideas on how to undo an anomalous quantum entanglement link? - MT Johnson
(Posted, formatting added during posting. This one passed muster without any additional edits from me or anyone else.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: One 10cm cube of steel, one artificial fireplace log, the contents of 10 bags of ██████
brand fruit snacks
Note: Since 914 at least partially operates by intent of the operator and purpose of the items inserted, I want to see how it reacts to a set of items with no single purpose. Don't worry, neither the log or the fruit snacks contain any natural ingredients, so there's no chance of biological contamination.
Input: All of the above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 20 cm cube of an unknown alloy. Testing shows it to be made up of an even mix of all of the input items. The alloy has a much worse structural stability than steel, as well as the anomalous properties of being flammable and gaining the same texture and hardness of a fruit snack when bitten into. However, the combination of materials making it up would mean that any attempt to eat any amount of it would almost certainly be fatal.
Note: I wasn't expecting it to give me something as cohesive as this. It almost seems like it noticed that I was more more interested in it rather than the stuff I was putting into it and didn't much effort into refining the materials. If we ever need a small supply of a structurally unstable, flammable, and edible metal, it'll be in anomalous item storage. - MT Johnson
(Posted, formatting pre-added. this was the first entry that I wrote in my sandbox, instead of a document on my computer.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: 3 abridged copies of MT Johnson's personnel file, which have been scrubbed of all sensitive information
Note: Since 914 partially operates by intent of the operator, let's see what happens when I create some feedback by putting in information about myself.
Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: 1:1
Output: A copy of the mission statement of the Department of Maintenance, an obscure department which is responsible for the upkeep of SCP containment enclosures.
Note: If no one's heard of us, then that mean's we're doing our jobs correctly. - MT Johnson
Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: Fine
Output: One large origami wrench embossed with the words "Secure, Maintain, Protect"
Note: About what I expected, but that's not the Foundation's actual slogan. Perhaps it's my perception of it?
Input: 1 abridged copy of MT Johnson's personnel file
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The file now contains several pages of the word "maintain" handwritten over and over in printer ink. Writing confirmed as identical to that of MT Johnson. Writing starts out normally but gets rougher and rougher as it progresses, as well as containing an increasing number of capital letters. By the end it is barely legible as well as being entirely capitalized. The folder has what appears to be an emblem made up of a pair of crossed wrenches pressed into it's front and back as well.
Note: This feels like it's from the typewriter scene from The Shining. I'm just going to leave this in secure storage and try to forget that this ever happened.
(This one passed with no major changes, other than some spacing adjustments from Leveritas, the mod in charge of the 914 test log.)
Name: Dr. Greenway, Memetics Researcher
Date:
Total Items: 3 DVD box sets containing the entire television series Monty Python's Flying Circus
Note: After what happened last time, all the products of this experiment will only be viewed by D-Class. I prefer being able to remember my experiments after I perform them.
Input: 1 DVD Box Set
Setting: 1:1
Output: One DVD box set of all the Monty Python movies. No observable anomalous effects.
Note: Left in anomalous items storage, just in case. Yes, I know I'm being overly paranoid, so please stop bugging me about it. It's hard to tell what's normal and what's not when it comes to //Monty Python reactions. - Dr. Greenway//
Input: 1 DVD Box Set
Setting: Fine
Output: One mosaic of the Monty Python comedy group, using the plastic packaging as backing. Confirmed to match an existing photograph. Observers profess approval of the persons depicted, even if they have never heard of Monty Python before.
Note: I left it in the part of the anomalous item storage wing reserved for stuff for 914, right next to the DVD box set.
Input: 1 DVD Box Set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: 1 unmarked box containing one very large DVD. It was found to contain θ' seasons of a cognitohazardous TV show that causes all viewers of it to fall into a coma. Application of amnestics reverses these effects.
Note: What… I don't… I don't understand… what? - D-8117
Note: It appears I accidentally created a congruous confusion-coma-causing cognitohazard. - Dr. Greenway
(The sandbox version of this entry was edited slightly after posting to see how some changes looked. Other than that, it passed with only minor spacing edits.)
Name: Archivists Hansen and Morgan
Date:
Total Items: One cupcake, one oversized bolt, and one handwritten note
Note: After spending the past several years cataloging the endless tidal wave of anomalous items produced by this thing, we thought it was time for an experiment of our own.
Input: One cupcake and one oversized bolt
Setting: 1:1
Output: One metal cupcake and one bolt made out of cake. Mass of the respective items exactly matched that of the input items.
Note: I don't know how it stretched the metal out to the size of the cupcake, but I expected nothing less from the machine that produced all that stuff. I love my job. - Archivist Hansen
Input: One handwritten note reading "Please stop producing anomalous items."
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One paper with a big "NO" written in the center that was floating in the air, spinning, and playing "Yakety Sax" from no apparent source
Note: …No. Nope. I've had it. I'm done. No more. I quit! Where's the medical bay, I'll take whatever amnestics I need to to get out of here! I QUIT! - Archivist Morgan
Note: To site security: I would like to report that there is a mental breakdown in progress in the general area of the 914 testing area. His name is Archivist Morgan and he's heading for the medical bay in order to amnesicize himself. Please stop him, I don't trust his ability to regulate himself in his current state. He is identifiable by being the guy running through the hallways screaming "I quit" at the top of his lungs. Thank you. - Archivist Hansen
Note: I've seen 914 archivists melt down before, but this is the most entertaining one I've seen yet. Usually they just start crying on their desks, which is kinda underwhelming. - Archivist Hansen
(A screenshot of this entry got posted to Reddit. It got mixed reviews.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: 300 identical florescent light bulbs
Note: I want to see if large amounts of identical items will affect the output in any noticeable way.
Input: 100 identical florescent light bulbs
Setting: 1:1
Output: One very large florescent light bulb
Note: We don't use the model of the input lights here, so I guess this is about as useful to us. - MT Johnson
Input: 100 identical florescent light bulbs.
Setting: Fine
Output: 46 identical incandescent light bulbs filled with florescent gas. 22 of the bulbs subsequently collapsed due to the pressure differential between the gas inside and outside the bulbs.
Note: Incandescent light bulbs are supposed to have a non-reactive gas inside them, not the opposite of that. These lights are extremely inefficient, extremely bright (but not as bright as some pre-existing alternatives), and extremely short-lasting (averaging 1 hour use before burning out), effectively making them useless. I've left them in non-anomalous item storage, just in case someone thinks up a use for them. - MT Johnson
Input: 100 identical florescent light bulbs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One floating sphere made of plastic and metal surrounded by a sphere of glowing gas. Moving the sphere with tools (as the heat produced by the object made physically touching it impossible) caused the sphere of gas to move with it. The gas remained anomalously stable during transport, remaining in a perfect sphere around the core at all times, regardless of the speed or direction of transport.
Note: This… shouldn't be working like this. Florescent bulbs work by producing UV light, which then gets converted into visible light by the glass of the bulb, so we shouldn't be seeing anything but the core. Also, how the heck is this thing producing heat and light with no input whatsoever? Then again, this was made by 914. I'm pretty sure that it's never heard of the laws of physics, or at least doesn't take them seriously. - MT Johnson
(I had to look up how florescent lights worked to write this entry.))
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: Three USB drives each containing an identical copy of a file of MT Johnson inarticulately screaming for an hour
Input: One USB drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: One USB drive of a different model containing a file of MT Johnson maniacally laughing for an hour
Input: One USB Drive
Setting: Fine
Output:
Input: One USB Drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One
(I gave up on this entry fairly quickly due to it being a terrible idea.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: Three ordinary bricks, Three plastic turnips
Note: As I'm somehow still alive after that breach, I've decided to do a test with 914 to see if that will calm down my frazzled nerves. I admit to being a little confused as to why everything pretty much ignored me, as well as why I have a guard with a water gun following me around, but whatever.
Input: One brick, One plastic turnip
Setting: 1:1
Output: One brick turnip sculpture with green and white plastic leaves
Note: It's a bricky turnip. I was expecting a brick shaped turnip and/or a turnip shaped brick. I guess I kind of got both. - MT Johnson
Input: One brick, One plastic turnip
Setting: Fine
Output: One brick wrapped in a thin layer of plastic. Viewing the brick causes the viewer to contemplate the probable taste of the object
Note: There's no compulsion to actually try to take a bite out of it, per se, but it is weird to suddenly start wondering what it would taste like. - MT Johnson
Input: One brick, One plastic turnip
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One green plastic plant embedded in a "pot" made out of brick. The area directly around the plant has been seared black in place of soil, and the plant grows when any liquid form of plastic is poured on the "soil".
Note: It's a plastic turnip plant that wilts when you don't water it with plastic. I would recommend using polyurithane, as it's relatively inexpensive. - MT Johnson
Note: I've been busy lately repairing the messes that Calloway and Darby keep causing, but I'll try to get around to doing more tests, as the results are always interesting. - MT Johnson
(This entry has the most references to other entries of any entry I've written.)
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: Three identical metal fractals
Note: It's been way too long since I last got a chance to do a test, so I'm doing one now. I'm testing with these because of their relatively high complexity and low meaning, which should give me some interesting results.
Input: One metal fractal
Setting: 1:1
Output: One different metal fractal
Note: This is pretty much what I expected from this setting. - MT Johnson
Input: One metal fractal
Setting: Fine
Output: One different metal fractal. Looking at the fractal allows the user to zoom in their vision on the center of the fractal to see more details. Testing shows that users are able to see unique details even after zooming in past the resolution of the metal fractal itself and is apparently able to continue infinitely. There are no lasting side effects to exposure.
Note: Interesting, but this gives me a headache if I try to look at it for too long. I've left it in anomalous item storage. Also, yes, I am going to do a Very Fine test. 914 hasn't let me down yet. - MT Johnson
Input: One metal fractal
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One series of concentric spinning and rotating metal rings set around a small core that hovers roughly 1cm above the ground. All of the sounds made by the object are always perfectly in tune with each other, no matter how many it is making at any given time. Mapping out the "notes" on a grid produces a fractal-like pattern, the exact equation of which has not yet been identified.
Note: On a hunch, I used frequency (in decibels) on the X axis and wavelength (in hertz) on the Y axis. The resulting pattern doesn't appear to have a specific equation, but does certainly visually resemble a fractal. Even though it passed all of the cognitohazard and memetics checks just fine, I think I'll leave it in anomalous storage for now as it's a little loud for my taste, even though it does sound nice. - MT Johnson
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: 1 compilation of all the sherlock holmes adventures written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Note: As I was only able to get one paperback copy of this particular book, that is all I will be testing with today. Any new books created by these tests will have an additional copy made before proceeding to the next test, as well as being tested for memetic hazards before reading.
Input: 1 Sherlock Holmes story compilation book
Setting: 1:1
Output: 1 James Moriarty compilation book, written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Note: Surprisingly, they aren't rewrites of the original adventures, but an entirely new set of stories. I've left a copy in the break room for anyone who's interested.
Input: One James Moriarty story compilation book
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of the book Dynamics of an Asteroid, by James Moriarty
Note: While it's probably an interesting read if you understand the mathematics, it's such an advanced book that it's pretty much incomprehensible to me. I've forwarded a copy to the Astrology Department to see if they can make some sense of it. On another note, lets face it, we've done a lot more dangerous tests than what I'm about to do.
Input: One copy of the book Dynamics of an Asteroid
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of the book Hydraulics of a Superstar, by Mark Twain
Note: Okay, this was a weird read. It's a more-than-slightly-inaccurate book about the way our sun works written in Mark Twain's style using various short stories and an overarching narrative to demonstrate various concepts, making it closer to an adventure novel than a textbook. For reference, think Paul Bunyan in space. Since this passed the requisite memetics and cognitohazard checks, I would like to request a copy for the break room as it's really quite entertaining, if a little off-color at times.
Name: Maintenance Technician Johnson
Date:
Total Items: 3 heavy containment wrenches
Note: These are used to turn the massive bolts that hold blast doors and such in place, and are limited to maintenance personnel use mainly due to supply reasons.
Input: 1 heavy containment wrench
Setting: 1:1
Output: One nightstick with a bladed end
Note: There's no need to point out the most common use for these things, 914.
Input: 1 heavy containment wrench
Setting: Fine
Output: One wheel designed to fit on to a heavy bolt or screw. Non-anomalous.
Note: While I appreciate it being non-anomalous, the design of the wheel makes it almost unusable, mostly by not actually being attached to the door and by being extremely difficult to apply any decent amount of leverage to. Let's try again.
Input: 1 heavy containment wrench
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One anomalously-powered pneumatic wrench extension with than is designed to latch on to the handle of another wrench. Goes in and out at a rate of roughly one oscillation every ten seconds.
Note: It's essentially a piston that is designed to fit on to the end of another wrench. Unfortunately, due to it's small size, it is extremely difficult to brace this on anything, effectively making it useless. Maybe I'll try something different next time.
|Maintenance Technician Johnson| Rearranges desktop icons into alphabetical order, prioritizing ones that look especially out of place. Does this by picking them up and carrying them to other locations. Also capable of launching virus scans and other related programs. When clicked on, he waves to the desktop and displays a smiley emoji before going back to work.
Notes:
I'm an in-game Mary Sue, and therefore totally unplayable, which is pretty much par for the course for my results. - MT Johnson
In the process of making me the best, 914 also made me totally unplayable. I see it's being just as helpful as always. - MT Johnson
During the time veritas was cooling off, we were all thinking of new test ideas and decided to all do a collaborative test together. Let's see if we can all survive this/pull this off without Veritas snapping.
As will I. I may not have personally known him all that well, but he was one of us.
You're right, this is starting to feel like a minor infohazard. If even entities who have been in containment start having strong feelings about people they've never met, something might be wrong. Then again, it might just be commiserating with the rest of us, as there doesn't seem to be anything anomalous about it./Everyone's acting like Still, it might be good to check in with Memetics, just in case.
I got a reality anchor repair manual. I really like my job.
(except possibly for that first time)
Don't worry, it passed all the cognitohazard and memetics checks just fine.
Listening to it is also sort of a surreal experience due to the way it's "songs" are structured.
One large wrench, identical to the wrenches from the 2016 game Prey, except slightly larger, presumably due to the difference in mass between the two wrenches
I've heard that comparison made once or twice before.
914 hasn't changed a bit.
Post Drafts:
Me too. Dr. Veritas is going to have a mental breakdown when he finds out that the entire testing staff all decided to do a log together while he was recovering.
Me too. I've already started brainstorming and I'll enjoy/I look forward to seeing Dr. Veritas' reaction.
I think this is the first time that a recurring researcher has died. It's interesting seeing everyone's reactions to it.
Might be good if you added a entry to state that in-universe Dr. Veritas was going to start taking weekends off and locking 914 up during them because it's entirely possible that the 914 researchers already have weekends off but don't actually stop testing during them.
Here we go again
Discord Comment Drafts:
just off the top of my head, here are some testing log canon name ideas: Nine-One-Four, The Peanut Gallery (my personal favorite), Testing The Machine
that moment you start browsing music videos and somehow end up listening to Finnish polka metal is quite surreal
i just remembered that i wrote an scp-themed christmas carol called "We Wish You A Merry Scipmas" in January and it's been sitting in my sandbox ever since because i have no idea what to do with it
I have the consistent problem of never being entirely satisfied with my work and repeatedly agonizing over the wording and re-editing stuff, so it takes me forever and a day to post anything, and even then i usually delete it pretty much immediately because it looks cringly bad to me
i'm trying not to overdo the whole flirting thing, as it's a little too lolfoundation for my taste, and I don't want Johnson to become purely a joke character, even though it does also seem to have become part of his character, so I'll have to think about it.
i would just prefer him to not have an accent if possible, he already has the whole gimmick with 914 and i don't want him to become a joke character
I wrote an scp-themed Christmas carol, if anyone wants to read it
fun fact: Keanu Reaves actually canonically exists in cyberpunk 2077 as a collapse-era actor with an uncanny resemblence to Johnny Silverhand
Quick question: was there any particular reason rp-c was changed to rp and rp-c was changed rp, instead of just changing rp-c to rp-914 and leaving rp as it was?
Experiment Scraps:
I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this.