Per 
Research Assistant Walker, a man with blue eyes, a long unkempt beard, and a lot of misconceptions about how things work. I live at Facility 19-23, in Laskenta's office under my personal desk.
Misadventures and projects at Facility 19-23
914 Test Log
This was implemented. What can I say except you're welcome?
All 914 Tests
All canon tests performed by myself or Demole, or with our involvement.
914-08XX
Test 914-0882 "Atomics"
Name: Intern Walker
Date: 24/06/2019
Total Items: Five plastic molecular model sets
Note: I have studied the experiment logs extensively, and am excited to see what happens. - Intern Walker
Input: One plastic molecular model set
Setting: Rough
Output: An amorphous pile of melted plastic, of similar weight to the input.
Input: One plastic molecular model set
Setting: Coarse
Output: Ten piles of powder, sorted by hue
Input: One plastic molecular model set
Setting: 1:1
Output: One plastic set of generic building blocks. Piece count and colors are similar to that of the input.
Note: Ha, I get it. Atoms are the building blocks of matter, so it turned them into actual building blocks.
Input: One plastic molecular model set
Setting: Fine
Output: One plastic sheet, resembling the Periodic Table of Elements. The names and atomic symbols appear to be carved into the plastic. Upon closer examination, it has eight rows, but the eighth row is completely blank, save the first four elements, each of which have their temporary IUPAC names. The elements are color coded based on what group they belong to.
Input: One plastic molecular model set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: unchanged The model will now assemble itself based on which "atoms" are next to each other, preferring molecular configurations which would have the lowest bond energy. They snap together as if they were magnets, but cutting them open reveals nothing extraordinary. The molecules appear to take on the properties of what they represent. Will be taken for further testing.
Note: My hands have slight chemical burns from attempting to pick up a sulfur dioxide molecule. I wish I was wearing protection. Looking back, this experiment could've turned out far worse. I shall take note to wear adequate protection next time. - Intern Walker
Date: 24/06/2019
During testing, a chemical reaction occurred between [REDACTED] and [REDACTED], causing an explosion in the adjacent testing area. The only induced casualties were my eyebrows. As it turns out, exothermic reactions will release energy proportional to the size of the model times the amount of energy the real reaction will produce. Testing has ceased, and the chemical set has been placed in anomalous storage. If anyone wishes to access it, I would advise extreme caution. - Intern Walker
914-09XX
Test 914-0919 "Nanoclockworks"
Name: Intern Walker
Date: 12/07/2019
Total Items: 30 Nanobots, 3 pictures of SCP-914's inner workings
Note: I've seen in the logs evidence of the machine being able to manipulate subatomic particles in the past. I've seen that it has since lost this ability. I have also seen that this machine is capable of making parts for itself. I wonder if it can make something that will repair it, so it will regain lost functionality. - Intern Walker
Input: 10 Nanobots, 1 picture of SCP-914
Setting: Fine
Output: A small, diamond-studded metallic replica of SCP-914. It is non-functional and non-anomalous.
Input: 10 Nanobots, 1 picture of SCP-914
Setting: Fine
Output: 10 Nanobots. When activated, they will disassemble anything in front of it, reassemble it into an output based on the position of SCP-914's dial. Progress is very slow depending on increase in object size.
Note: These nanobots seem to have the same functionality of 914, or at least on a miniature level. 914 is a lot faster. That said, I am absolutely terrified of getting in their way, and am worried that if they are kept around, someone will activate them and let them wander. Requesting permission to incinerate. - Intern Walker
Note: Way ahead of you, Walker. - Veritas
Input: 10 Repair Nanobots, 1 picture of SCP-914
Setting: Fine
Output: 10 Nanobots. When activated, they will seek out and repair clockwork devices. They have been tested on an grandfather clock that had been damaged due to age, and the clock now runs backwards. Disassembly shows that they clock does not have any additional or missing gears. The clock and the nanobots have been put into anomalous storage.
Note: These nanobots were so promising, too. Though I may be curious to find out what happens when 914's gears turn the other way, I am afraid that it wouldn't function properly. If someone else wants to try, and they are able to get permission, they are welcome to it.
Note: A lot of these gears and keys aren't designed to run backwards, so I'm not risking damaging the thing. We wouldn't know where to start retrofitting 914 in the first place anyway. - Veritas
Test 914-0964 "Clockwork-chan"
Name: Intern Walker
Date: 20/08/2019
Total Items: Three copies of SCP-914's file
Input: SCP-914's File
Setting: 1:1
Output: A file describing one 'Clockwork-chan'
The file describes a tall, Caucasian female with orange hair and red eyes. She has no booths, instead her mouth [DATA EXPUNGED]. She is described as being snarky and playing pranks on the researchers that operate her. She is described to have a crush on Maintenance Technician Johnson and enjoys torturing Researcher Darby, perhaps out of spite. The testing logs seem have remained the same, save for additional dialogue and [DATA EXPUNGED]
Furthermore, the character [DATA EXPUNGED]
Tests 2 and 3 were canceled with extreme prejudice by order of Dr. Veritas, Dr. Hackett and the Ethics Committee.
Notes from various personnel:
Note: I just read some of the testing logs. Yes, they are similar to the real logs, but it felt like I was reading [REDACTED] instead of an official foundation document. I think I'm going to enjoy burning this to ash. - Intern Walker
Note: I read through some of the logs in my free time. I'll be back after getting my hands on as many amnestics as possible. Afterwards, I'll join Walker in burning those cursed texts. - Dr. Steph
Note: I'll personally see to it that every trace of this is destroyed. Failure to cooperate in voluntary amnestic administration will result in termination. - Veritas
Note: I've already burned it, sir. I'll gladly take an amnestic, though. - Intern Walker
Test 914-0984 "Anomalous Recycling"
Name: Intern Walker
Date: 09/09/2019
Total Items: One bag of ████████ brand tortilla chips which cannot be opened, one flash drive containing a copy of a document titled "914 Brand Hops", one flash drive containing a copy of pseudocode for replacing all liquids in ten meters with coffee, one metronome that makes people within 3 meters walk in time to the beat
Note: Anomalous storage is full of all sorts of neat, unused things. It's time to use some of them. I've chosen a useless item, a dangerous item, and two replicable items for this session. - Intern Walker
Input: One unopenable bag of ████████ brand tortilla chips
Setting: Coarse
Output: One empty unopenable bag of ████████ brand tortilla chips, a pile of chips.
Note: It turns out that the bag, although impossible to open, could still have the chips removed. - Intern Walker
Input: The two flash drives
Setting: 1:1
Output: One flash drive, containing code for replacing all liquids in the range of 9.144 meters with 914 Brand Hops. When plugged into a computer by a D-class, he immediately showed signs of intoxication. D-█████ lost out after two minutes. Computer disabled remotely, subject expired.
Input: One metronome that makes people walk to the beat
Setting: Fine
Output: One metronome, which attunes itself to any vibrations within 3 meters that reach it. It appears to set itself to average frequency felt over the last 30 seconds.
Note: Even breathing in its direction sets this thing off now. The vents. People walking in the parking lot. The microwave in the break room. This thing can't turn off. Click click click click click click… It's driving me nuts. - Intern Walker
Addendum: About an hour after testing ended, Dr. Veritas became very agitated and went to take it to be incinerated. As he approached it, the metronome suddenly clocked over ███ kilohertz before breaking. The object was incinerated.
Note: I can't prove this, but I could swear the metronome must've broken underneath the stress, as Dr. Veritas was fuming by the time he arrived to take the thing away. I'm both really impressed and absolutely terrified. - Intern Walker
Test 914-0985 "Living City"
Name: Intern Walker
Date: 05/09/2019
Total Items: Box of assorted ███████-brand city-building models1.
Note: Seven hundred dollars of Japanese imports. I'm going to be eating ramen this month. - Intern Walker
Input: Four city blocks of light industrial buildings
Setting: 1:1
Output: Four city blocks of light commercial buildings
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: Two city blocks of heavy commercial buildings. The plastic from half the input was used to improve the other half.
Input: Ten city blocks of airport, three model planes
Setting: Fine
Output: Seven city blocks of forest, two city blocks of spaceport terminal, one city block of launch pads, three model rocket planes.
Note: ███████ does not make forest models, spaceports, or rocket planes. - Intern Walker
Input: Tokyo Tower
Setting: Fine
Output: Eiffel Tower. When placed in low light, tiny plastic bulbs start emitting colored light. Upon further testing, the light bulbs seem to contain a nitrogenous analog to phosphor.
I'm going to build a city with all these pieces. Guards are on standby, equipped with bug nets and acid spray, should things get out of hand. - Intern Walker
Input: A model city, containing all above outputs
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A futuristic model of [REDACTED], containing Site-19. It is well lit, and all the vehicles are animate. Additionally, there are flying cars floating around the city. The rocket planes broke containment and attempted to escape the building, but were recontained by security guards with the bug nets.
Note: Unless someone can come up with a display case before something breaks containment again, as entertaining as this city is to watch, it will be sent back through on Rough. - Intern Walker
Note: I have some plastic display boxes lying around somewhere, I think. If you want them, then feel free to stop by. -Intern Lunar
Addendum: After being left overnight in Lunar's plastic display box, the security team discovered that the display box had been destroyed. New tiles that resembled construction sites had appeared on the outskirts of the city. Security footage shows that model drills rolled to the wall and started boring through the plastic. Cranes loaded the plastic shrapnel onto cargo trucks, which then hauled it to the industrial sector. Then, cement trucks brought the now molten plastic back to the edge of the city, to pour it like concrete. The city set and the display box were taken back to 914.
Input: Above output, minus three industrial, three commercial, and nine residential tiles, as well as the city hall.
Setting: Rough
Output: A large pile of powdered plastic
Note: Admittedly, this thing has grown on me, and I can't in good conscience kill them all. I have a glass box big enough for this. Surely they can't break out of glass, right? I made sure that the buildings in this part of the city were "populated" before shredding the rest. The box will remain in with my belongings until I can get an office. - Intern Walker
Note: At your own risk, as per usual. Get clearance from Sedna first. - Veritas
Test 914-0998 "Good job, Einstein"
Name: Intern Walker, Researcher Jay
Date: 16/08/2019 - 13/09/2019
Total Items: Five 3cm³ cubes of einsteinium
Note: I'm going to try something a bit different. Jay has agreed to try to bring one cube of einsteinium every Friday. I have borrowed a hazmat suit for these tests. To prevent a nuclear explosion in the output chamber, I will not use Very Fine. - Intern Walker
Date: 16/08/2019
Input: One cube of einsteinium
Setting: Fine
Output: An einsteinium model of the moon. It glows blue in the dark, as is to be expected of this element. It has a hook at the north pole, for it to hang from the ceiling.
Date: 23/08/2019
Input: One cube of einsteinium
Setting: Fine
Output: An einsteinium bust of Albert Einstein.
Date: 30/08/2019
Input: One cube of einsteinium
Setting: Fine
Output: One dodecahedron of einsteinium. It has numbers on its faces from 1 to 12, which glow brighter than the rest of the metal. It has a very satisfying weight and is addicting to roll. After rolling 5000 times, it has been determined that it is an extremely fair die.
Date: 06/09/2019
Input: One cube of einsteinium
Setting: Fine
Output: One tube of einsteinium. Radioactive objects that pass through it will become inert, and non-radioactive objects, including air, will become radioactive. Once the anomalous property was determined, Research Cell 109-B was evacuated and decontaminated. The output was taken off-site to be disposed of.
Date: 13/09/2019
Input: One cube of einsteinium
Setting: Fine
Output: An animate statue with a cube head. The number 99 is carved onto its head. It initially appeared to be sleeping, but when disturbed, it activated and scanned the room. When offered a piece of one of the previous outputs, it proceeded to assimilate it, then ejected material that was found to be an alloy of californium, berkelium, curium, and americium.
Note: I've been told that this matches the description of SCP-2300. I suppose that it will be taken to Site-██ for containment. - Intern Walker
Note: The fact that this didn't go horribly wrong at some point baffles me. Outputs are moved to permanent storage. - Veritas
914-10XX
Test 914-1001 "Test Log Reformat"
Name: Intern Walker
Date: 10/09/2019
Total Items: Three copies of SCP-914's entire test logs
Input: One copy of SCP-914's test logs
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the script of the movie Groundhog Day
Note: I don't get it. - Intern Walker
Input: One copy of SCP-914's test logs
Setting: 1:1
Output: SCP-914's test logs, in the form of a comic book authored by Researcher Vil. When asked about this, he says he has only considered such a work.
Note: Vil should totally do this. His sketches are cute. - Intern Walker
Input: One copy of SCP-914's test logs
Setting: Fine
Output: Unchanged The logs are sorted in groups of ten and one hundred, rather than arbitrarily, as the input was. Additionally, the logs are given unique numbers from 0100 to 1000, and the structure of the sorting system provides easier means of finding particular test logs.
Note: Dr. Veritas, can we use this? - Intern Walker
Note: The file could pose a security breach. If you are talking about using the format, I must ask. Are you retroactively doing that on previous records? Because I'm not. - Veritas
Note: I'll get on it, then. - Intern Walker
Addendum: The logs were reformatted in less than 48 hours. Walker was promptly hired as a Research Assistant and was placed into the care of Researcher Laskenta, under Laskenta's request.
Test 914-1024 "Doors of Opportunity"
Name: Research Assistant Walker
Date: 21/09/2019
Total Items: Five wooden doors.
Input: One wooden door
Setting: 1:1
Output: One wooden fence-gate.
Input: One wooden door
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden door with an ornate carving of a juvenile canine. It is captioned "A-door-able".
Input: One wooden door.
Setting: Fine
Output: An ornate wooden door. When knocked on, it emits a sound similar to that of a doorbell.
Input: One wooden door
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An ornate wooden door. When opened, a Class-C "Broken Entry" Wormhole appears. The door was closed and incinerated.
Input: One wooden door
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A wooden doorknob. Its mass is the same as the input, making it relatively heavy. When making contact with the wall, it will latch onto the surface. When turned, part of the wall turns into a door, which can be opened, creating a passage to the other side of said wall. It cannot be removed without destroying the wall. It is currently stuck in the wall between Multipurpose Room 1 and 2. Wall is currently under repair.
Test 914-1029 "Macrochemistry"
Name: Research Assistant Walker, Researcher Laskenta
Date: 24/09/2019
Total Items: Anomalously realistic chemistry modeling set from Test 914-0882, four 1×1×1 dm iron cubes
Note: I discovered that I can mix normal chemistry modeling sets into this, and they will become more of the same. I will see if the clockworks will do something interesting with them. - R.A. Walker
Input: Three water molecules
Setting: Rough
Output: Three oxygen atoms, six hydrogen atoms
Input: One molecule of iron oxide
Setting: Coarse
Output: Two iron atoms, three oxygen atoms
Note: It seems that 914 would rather break the bonds than the atoms themselves. I wonder what would happen if I put in a bunch of single atoms. - R.A. Walker
Input: Six neon atoms
Setting: Rough
Output: Same as input. 914 emitted rough mechanical sounds while processing. Testing has been halted while Laskenta checks to make sure 914 isn't damaged.
Note: As a safety precaution, I tested if 914's Coarse and Rough setting does still work on non-anomalous objects. - Laskenta
Input: One 1x1x1 dm iron cube
Setting: Rough
Output: Several chunks of iron
Input: One 1x1x1 dm iron cube
Setting: Rough
Output: A solid puddle of iron; hypothesized to be melted and solidified
Input: One 1x1x1 dm iron cube
Setting: Coarse
Output: One thousand 1x1x1 cm iron cubes
Input: One 1x1x1 dm iron cube
Setting: Coarse
Output: One hundred 1x1x10 cm iron cuboids
Note: If it wasn't an anomalous machine of this complexity, I would say that it seems fine. Go easy on 914, we don't know how old it is, and we can't reproduce its structure yet. - Laskenta
Note: If you say it's alright. I am not going to put single atoms in again. - R.A. Walker
Input: One methane molecule, three oxygen molecules
Setting: 1:1
Output: One carbon dioxide molecule, two water molecules
Note: 1:1 rearranges the molecules, as expected. - R.A. Walker
Input: One molecule of uranium II oxide
Setting: Fine
Output: One molecule of thorium oxide, one helium atom
Note: I thought 914 couldn't break atoms. - R.A. Walker
Note: No, but radiation can. - Laskenta
Note: Interesting. These models didn't show signs of being radioactive before. - R.A. Walker
Input: One molecule of bismuth subsalicylate
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A large atom, twice the size of uranium. It appears to weigh roughly 450 times as much as a hydrogen atom. Three minutes after being removed from the output booth, it exploded, causing hydrogen, deuterium, and helium atoms to fly everywhere. Research Assistant Walker and Researcher Laskenta received a large number of bruises. After they collected all the atom models, they went to the infirmary. After some deliberation, Walker decided that the output was likely unhextrium (element 163).
Note: How did 914 make unhextrium, though? It isn't supposed to do that. - R.A. Walker
Note: I guess it finally saw the input as a model and not as atoms. - Laskenta
Note: Someone reset the counter for ''days without something exploding''. Walker and Laskenta were reprimanded. If 914 decided that the only course of action was to split or fuse an atom, the problem would be a lot larger. Namely, a large, smoldering crater where Site 19 used to be. - Veritas
Test 914-1047 "Water you doing?"
Name: Intern Jane Demole
Date: 29/09/2019
Total Items: Three bottles of water
Input: One bottle of water
Setting: 1:1
Output: One cup of water. The cup is made of the plastic from the bottle.
Input: One bottle of water
Setting: Fine
Output: A sphere of food-grade plastic filled with water, powder composed of carbon and impurities. The water is 100% pure.
Input: One bottle of water
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One bottle of water. When drunk, Jane reports her skin feeling very moist and hydrated.
Note: You're supposed to test things on the D-class, not yourself. - R. A. Walker
Note: She actually survived? Well then, er… on behalf of everyone here, welcome to Facility 19-23 and congratulations on surviving your very first test. - JR Kai
Test 914-1048 "Coal Finer"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 30/09/2019
Total Items: Five 10kg lumps of coal
Input: One lump of coal
Setting: Rough
Output: 10kg of coal dust
Input: One lump of coal
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 8.9kg lump of pure carbon, one 600g sulfur crystal, one 6mg nugget of arsenic, one 4mg nugget of selenium, one 70µg bead of mercury. Gasses in the output contain elevated levels of hydrogen and reduced levels of argon and carbon dioxide.
Input: One lump of coal
Setting: 1:1
Output: One diamond weighing 50,000 carats, extremely brittle. Only 1.5 newtons of force was able to shatter it.
Input: One lump of coal
Setting: Fine
Output: One lump of a dense coal-like substance. It burns at over 1,000°C, and takes an anomalously long time to consume.
Input: One lump of coal
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A perfect sphere of coal. If presented with a flame, it will roll away from it. When thrown into the incinerator, it managed to dodge the fire and roll into the basement. Personnel sent to retrieve it were tripped. No one was injured. The sphere was contained in a wooden box and incinerated.
Test 914-1052 "Periodic Testing, Part I"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 30/09/2019
Total Items: One 1cm cube of each of the first 5 elements.
Note: Blew my research budget on 99 elemental cubes. This stuff is gonna last me a while, though. - R.A. Walker
Input: One 1cm cube of glass filled with hydrogen
Setting: Fine
Output: One 1cm cube of metallic hydrogen covered with glass. The metallic hydrogen is anomalously light for its size and structure.
Input: One 1cm cube of glass filled with helium
Setting: Fine
Output: A helium thermometer. Its range is from absolute zero to -140°C.
Input: One 1cm cube of glass filled with lithium
Setting: Fine
Output: One 1cm cube of dilithium. Chemical testing indicates that it is not useful for regulating matter/antimatter reactions in a star ship's warp core, as it is just a lattice of Li2. It causes those who come into contact with it to think it is the element Dilithium from Star Trek. Melting back into lithium metal seems to remove the anomalous effect. Stored for later use.
Input: One 1cm cube of glass filled with beryllium
Setting: Fine
Output: A flawless beryllium quartz, set in a beryllium ring. The beryllium ring and the quartz emitted helium for four hours before collapsing into dust. Remains discarded.
Input: One 1cm cube of glass filled with boron
Setting: Fine
Output: A small statue of a person wearing baggy clothes and a bored expression on his face.
Test 914-1053 "Grabbin' Pills"
Name: Intern Jane Demole
Date: 30/09/2019
Total Items: Three bottles containing two hundred 30mg tablets of aspirin
Input: One bottle of aspirin
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of ibuprofen
Input: One bottle of aspirin
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle containing twenty 300mg tablets of aspirin.
Input: Above input
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle containing six 1000mg tablets of aspirin.
Input: One bottle of aspirin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One bottle containing thirty 200mg tablets of 914-brand painkiller. When consumed, all pain and irritation ceases for twelve hours. Any wounds acquired while under the effects of 914-brand painkillers will not be noticed, potentially leading to serious hemorrhaging or blood loss.
Test 914-1055 "Class Pictures, Part I"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 01/10/2019
Total Items: A framed picture of several researchers and interns from Facility 19-23
Input: A framed image of R.A. Walker
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of R.A. Walker. The glass is broken. Each shard shows Walker differently. A third of the time, he is shown to not be human.
Note: What's THAT supposed to mean? - R.A. Walker
Input: A framed image of R. Miniwa
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of R. Miniwa with cat ears and a tail. She is surrounded by anomalous cats.
Input: A framed image of Intern Lunar
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of Intern Lunar. The image has claw marks over it. Jeff was noted to be seen wandering out of the testing chamber.
Input: A framed image of R. Darby
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of R. Darby and a small model of Veritas. The model of Veritas is striking Darby.
Note: Why is that model of Veritas slapping Darby? He hasn't had any bad ideas. Then again, I don't remember him testing very often. - R.A. Walker
Note: I believe Intern Snevets may be able to inform you - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: A framed image of M.T. Johnson
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of M.T. Johnson and SCP-914. The frame is heart-shaped.
Note: I'm not sure if 914 loves Johnson, or if that's just what I believe. It's rather cute either way. - R.A. Walker
Input: A framed image of Intern Jane Demole
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of a bloody land siren in a lab coat.
Note: She's not that bad, is she? I think she's cute if a bit shy. - R.A. Walker
Input: A framed image of Intern Voltê
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of a red dragon.
Input: A framed image of Intern Snevets
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of a computer screen that has an image of Intern Stevens.
Note: It's actually been a while since I did a test with computers. Maybe I should go back into that. - Intern Snevets
Input: A framed image of J.R. Kai
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of R. Kai, sitting in Dr. Veritas' office. It seems he is assisting Veritas in paperwork.
Input: A framed image of R. Laskenta
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of R. Laskenta playing D&D with R.A. Walker, Intern Voltê, and R. Jay. Voltê is the Dungeon Master.
Note: As if I had the time to play D&D. It would be nice to get into it, though. - Laskenta
Input: A framed image of Dr. Veritas
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of Dr. Veritas with his face in his hands. Those who view it receive a painful migraine that persists for four hours.
Input: A framed image of Dr. Gears
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of Dr. Gears and his kids. He is wearing casual clothes and reading a newspaper.
Note: I hope he's doing alright. - R.A. Walker
Input: A framed image of Dr. Nukea
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of a nuclear warhead.
Input: A framed image of R. Rasclon
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed image of R. Rasclon, surrounded by clones of R. Rasclon.
Note: Attack of the Rasclones. - R.A. Walker
Test 914-1065 "Class Pictures, Part II"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 02/10/2019
Total Items: A framed picture of a few researchers, interns, and other characters from Facility 19-23, a bottle of unknown goo
Input: Framed drawing of Jeff the mug cat
Setting: Fine
Output: The following poem:
My naym is Jeff
I am a cat
I hold the drink
But it go flat
I eat the food
And not get fat
I spill the tea
All on your hat
My naym is Jeff
Jeff the mug cat
Note: ‘On your hat’? As far as I know, Jeff’s never spilled on someone’s hat. He got into my room and spilled tea on my favorite beanie. - Intern Snevets
Input: Framed picture of Dr. Zavalosa
Setting: Fine
Output: Framed picture of Dr. Zavalosa. His legs, arms, and torso are made of metal and synthetic materials. He appears to be running from something. He wears the look of someone who fears for his life.
Note: Mmm, I don't like this one bit, please incinerate it. - Dr. Zavalosa
Input: Framed picture of R. Vivic
Setting: Fine
Output: A framed picture of a wolf with Vivic's eyes and clothes.
Input: Framed picture of R. Jane Cho
Setting: Fine
Output: Framed picture of five cats. Items worn by three of these cats point to them being R. Cho, R. Miniwa, and Intern Lunar. Jeff and a green cat that might be Olive are present as well. They are playing in a cat tree together.
Input: Framed drawing of ''Olive the Peridot Cat''
Setting: Fine
Output: Framed picture of ''Perry the Olivine Cat''
Note: I found some odd-looking goo in the corner. I cannot identify it. Perhaps SCP-914 will be of assistance. - R.A. Walker
Input: Bottle of questionable goo
Setting: Fine
Output: A bottle labeled "94D Amnestic".
Note: How the hell did I get here? I was just sprinkling some plastic on my city model. What's this bottle? I don't think it's mine. Maybe give it to Darby? - R.A. Walker
Addendum: R.A. Walker was placed in the infirmary to determine whether or not 94D Amnestic has any long-lasting ill effects. After three days, he was lectured about placing unidentifiable things in 914, then returned to work. It was determined that merely possessing the bottle caused memories to be erased. The bottle was personally delivered to Darby by █████, using a drone to carry it.
Note: Thanks for the model glue, guys. - Researcher Darby
Note: Items placed in anomalous storage. Walker was assigned to mandatory hazardous material training and is required to write an essay titled: ''Is using unknown, possibly dangerous material with SCP-914 a stupid idea?'' On my desk by Monday. - Veritas
Test 914-1066 "Code Translation"
Name: Researcher Laskenta; D-40049
Date: 03/10/2019
Total Items: Three Foundation flash drives (USB 2.0 Stick; 128GB), containing information about the programming language C, stored in a .txt file.
Note: My last test that included information about a programming language (Test 914-0966) resulted in a joke about Java being coffee. Since it's easy to make jokes about the letter C, I got three drives this time. -Laskenta
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: The same flash drive, anomalously containing an exactly 128TB .txt file. Said file consists of English, German, Finnish and [Lv2 Clearance needed] words that start with the letter C. Until now, no word has been found twice and the list is deemed to be sorted in alphabetical order. The drive is set to read-only mode.
Note: The output has been tested meticulously by me, to search for any other anomalies. I deem it to be clear of anything but the text file. -Laskenta
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: The same flash drive, containing information about the programming language C++, stored in a .txt file.
Note: I didn't expect the most logical output. I will look into that. -Laskenta
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: A 3x15cm plate, made out of plastic and metal. The metal has been arranged in a way to illustrate the sentence "you did not C that coming[sic]". After the output was identified, Researcher Laskenta wordlessly exited the building and mumbled unintelligible words to himself for approximately one and a half minutes. This incident has been written off as non-anomalous.
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 03/10/2019
Total Items: One flash drive containing information about the programming language C++, stored in a .txt file.
Input: The flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: The same flash drive, containing information about the programming language C#, stored in a .txt file.
Input: Above output
Setting: 1:1
Output: The same flash drive, containing information about the programming language D#, stored in a .txt file.
Note: After conversing with Laskenta, he says it is probably something called Doge Sharp. After we compared both languages, we are in consensus. The information does not describe Doge Sharp, it instead describes D#. It appears to be some hybrid of the C# and D languages, something that does not yet exist. - R.A. Walker
Test 914-1081 "Oiled Gears"
Name: Intern Jane Demole
Date: 05/10/2019
Total Items: Five 1dm³ cubes of brass, a 5dL oil can
Input: One cube of brass
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of brass flakes, mass equal to the input
Input: One cube of brass
Setting: Coarse
Output: One cube of copper with 30% of the input mass, one cube of zinc 50% of the input mass, one cube of aluminium with 20% of the input mass
Note: The clockworks sound a bit… noisier than usual. Maybe the gears need to be oiled? - I. Jane
Input: Oil Can
Setting: 1:1
Output: A sheet of tin, folded into the shape of a star. Oil missing. During processing, the sound of the oil can being used could be heard from within the clockworks. The amount of noise 914 makes while running decreased by more than 60%.
Input: One cube of brass
Setting: 1:1
Output: One cube of zinc. When cut apart, the inside was like a matryoshka doll. Inside the zinc cube was a copper cube, and inside the copper cube is an aluminium cube.
Input: One cube of brass
Setting: Fine
Output: Three brass gears
Input: One cube of brass, three brass gears
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small clockwork music box. When the key is turned, the Hallelujah Chorus can be heard in the head of the person holding the box. The music continues until the mainspring unwinds or the box is put down.
Test 914-1086 "Periodic Testing, Part II"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 07/10/2019
Total Items: One 1cm cube of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine, and neon, each contained in glass; lithium from previous test, a piece of ferrous scrap
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with carbon
Setting: Fine
Output: 1cm cube of diamond transparent graphite.
Note: It occurs to me that any "diamonds" that come out of 914 are unusually crumbly. I am willing to bet they are all more of the same, anomalously colorless graphite. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with nitrogen
Setting: Fine
Output: 1.5cm cube of cyanide on a thin silicon wafer. Output heavier than input, additional oxygen assumed to have come from the atmosphere.
Note: I'm lucky it didn't convert all the nitrogen and oxygen from the input chamber into cyanide. That would be a mess. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with oxygen
Setting: Fine
Output: 5mm cube of unknown substance. Testing reveals that the crystal structure has twice as much oxygen as glass, silicon tetroxide.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with fluorine
Setting: Fine
Output: A miniature of M.T. Johnson on a glass base. Testing reveals the miniature to be composed of billions of oxygen fluoride chains, some thousands of units long. Assuming oxygen content came from atmosphere.
Note: Maybe I'm not giving 914 enough to work with. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with neon, the lithium from a previous test, some scrap iron
Setting: Fine
Output: A small red-orange lamp. R.A. Walker attached it to his glasses and walked around with it for the rest of the day.The makeshift battery died after nine hours of use.
Note: It was noted that the bulb made him look unprofessional. I wonder if there is an anomalous effect that makes him want to walk around looking silly. - I. Demole
Test 914-1093 "Digital Eyes"
Name: I. Jane Demole
Date: 10/10/2019
Total Items: One gold ring with a diamond setting, three TeckNet brand webcams, sixteen meters of insulated copper wire
Input: 500mm of insulated copper wire, one gold ring
Setting: 1:1
Output: 500mm of insulated gold wire, one copper ring
Input: One webcam, 500mm of insulated gold wire from last output
Setting: Fine
Output: A webcam fifty percent the size of the input, a bunch of shredded plastic. The USB plug from the camera has been replaced with a needle-thin wire. When a USB plug is reattached, testing shows the camera has a resolution of 20 gigapixels. Connection with the attached USB plug is unreliable, and the wire has been packed in cellophane to protect it from damage. The webcam has been placed into storage.
Input: One webcam, 7.25 meters of insulated copper wire
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A webcam that is capable of movement. If a living entity is present nearby, the camera will track it, even though walls. It doesn't appear to have a power source.
Input: One webcam, 7.25 meters of insulated copper wire
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An ordinary-looking webcam with a very long wire. When plugged into a computer, HD video is automatically recorded onto the hard drive at ████ frames per second. The computer overheated, and the camera was incinerated.
914-11XX
Ex. 914-1100-02 "Schrodinger's Eevee"
Name: R.A. Walker
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden egg. When opened, a paper image of an ''Eevee'' is found to be inside there is a 75% chance that a paper image of an ''Eevee'' will be found, and if there is an ''Eevee'', there is a 1 in 4096 chance that the creature will be silver and white instead of brown and tan.
Note: It appears that the chance of the "Cat" being dead has halved for me. - R.A. Walker
Ex. 914-1100-16 "Schrodinger's Box"
Name: Intern Jane Demole, D-29445
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: 1:1
Output: A wooden cat labelled Schrödinger's Box.
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden cat that has wood fiber fur. D-29445 was instructed to reach his hand into the cat's mouth. D-29445 was hesitant, but followed orders. The cat bit down, causing D-29445 immense pain. When he pulled his arm out, there was a small origami box in his hand. When instructed to unfold it, the paper had a word written on it. 50% of the time, the word was "Alive", and the other 50% of the time, the word was "Dead".
Note: That's an interesting take on Schrödinger's Cat. - I. Demole
Test 914-1106 "Periodic Testing, Part III"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 16/10/2019
Total Items: One 1cm cube of sodium, magnesium, aluminium, silicon, and phosphorus, each contained in glass
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with sodium
Setting: Fine
Output: A shot glass made of sodium. The outside is lined with glass. When removed from the output booth, water began condensing in the glass, causing it to combust. Output was thrown onto the floor by R.A. Walker, and he proceeded to forcefully smother the flames and crush the output with the bottom of his lab boots.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with magnesium
Setting: Fine
Output: 10 glass matches. When struck, they burn for less than one second. Determined non-anomalous and discarded.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with aluminium
Setting: Fine
Output: One square meter of aluminum foil, folded to give the appearance that it is wrapped around a sandwich. Testing shows an impurity of silicon in the foil. R.A. Walker seemed dismayed when he found that there was in fact no sandwich in the foil.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with silicon
Setting: Fine
Output: 1.2cm cube of glass.
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: Lenses for a pair of glasses. R.A. Walker took his glasses off and looked through the lenses. When he took the lenses away, he became visibly distressed. He removed the lenses from his glasses and replaced them with the output, before putting the glasses back on.
Note: I don't know what these lenses are, but now, when I look around without them, everything looks orange and yellow. It's rather creepy. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with phosphorus
Setting: Fine
Output: A phosphorus statue of Researcher Darby on a glass stand. Darby is holding a white phosphorus grenade. Darby himself is made of red phosphorus.
Addendum: After visiting an on-site ophthalmologist, it has been determined that the lenses altered the opsins in Walker's eye, causing his cone cells to be receptive to light with wavelengths of 1µm, 12µm, and 14µm instead of 440nm, 540nm, and 570nm. Wearing the lenses seems to correct this.
Note: My vision is still poor without my glasses, so it doesn't bother me. - R.A. Walker
Test 914-1165 "Fine Dining"
Name: R.A. Walker, D-20932
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: Fifteen 1.829m × 1.219m furniture grade birch planks
Input: Three birch planks
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three elm planks
Input: Three birch planks
Setting: Fine
Output: A lifelike statue of the character ''Professor Birch'' from ''Pokémon Ruby/Emerald/Sapphire''. The inside is hollow.
Note: Wait, we don't have a Professor Birch here? - R.A. Walker
Input: Three birch planks
Setting: Fine
Output: An elaborately designed birch chair. After five minutes of D-20932 sitting in the chair, she mentions that she is unable to get comfortable. When asked to get up, she found herself stuck to the chair by what was determined to be birch sap. Object disassembled, D-class freed, object incinerated.
Input: One birch plank
Setting: Rough
Output: Birch wood chips
Input: One birch plank
Setting: Coarse
Output: One plank of lignin, one plank of cellulose, one pool of birch sap. The output planks are soft and fragile.
Note: This is why I usually use Fine. Rough and Coarse are too predictable. Rough shreds the input, Coarse takes it apart. - R.A. Walker
Input: Five birch planks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An exquisite dining set. When viewed, people are inclined to acquire a hot beverage, especially tea, coffee, hot chocolate, or apple cider, and sit in one of the chairs. The chairs are quite comfortable, though those who sit in them are unable to get up until their drink is consumed. After they finish their drink, they reportedly feel relaxed. The anomalous effect occurs up to three times a day, and no less than six hours apart.
Note: Had a nice chat with D-20932 over some coffee. It seems she grew up in a troubled home, and… what? The test? Oh, right. The table and chairs have been put into anomalous storage, pending Veritas' judgment. - R.A. Walker
Note: Walker can have it once it clears screening, just don't put it in the cafeteria. Bad for productivity. - Veritas
Test 914-1166 "Pheremone Philosophy"
Name: I. Demole, D-12249
Date: 28/10/2019
Total Items: Three small bottles of 939 pheromone, acquired from Site 19-31
Input: One bottle of 939 pheromone
Setting: Coarse
Output: A bottle, a cork, and several puddles, each one consisting of a single protein from the input.
Input: One bottle of 939 pheromone
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of ''2678 pheromone''. Testing shows effect and chemical makeup matches the gas SCP-2678 expels. D-12249 is stressed when exposed to the contents of the bottle. D-12249 was sedated and amnesticized for the remainder of the anomalous effect's duration.
Input: One bottle of 939 pheromone
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of ''914 pheromone''. Testing shows that it contains trace amounts of hydrocarbons, potentially gear oil. When tested on D-12249, he entered a vegetative state. When an item is placed in his right hand, he begins modifying the object, using whatever tools he is given. If he is not given a tool, he will use his teeth and fingernails to modify the object. Once done, he will hold the modified object in his left hand. Amnestics appear to cancel the effect. It is noted that ''modified'', in this context, usually means destroying an object by hand or pulling it apart.
Test 914-1184 "Pumpkin Carving"
Name: R.A. Walker, D-20932
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: Four One foam pumpkin prop, five candles, a replica of Darby's coat, four pumpkins
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Fine
Output: One foam jack-o-lantern and one pile of shredded foam. The foam caught fire within a minute and filled the research lab with toxic gas, requiring it to be evacuated and ventilated.
Note: I was afraid of that. Veritas, I request to use actual pumpkins. - R.A. Walker
Note: Have Sedna be there. Use the reinforced cage. - Veritas
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Fine
Output: One pumpkin, one pile of pumpkin pulp. The pumpkin has been determined to be nearly empty, containing only a lit candle. When D-20932 attempts to carve it, the carving knife gets stuck, and the handle breaks off. After further testing, the pumpkin was discovered to be impervious to damage. Output incinerated.
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A non-anomalous jack-o-lantern Subjects who are left present in a dark room with the jack-o-lantern will begin to act paranoid, believing something is watching them. They will describe seeing shadows of various SCPs in the hallway. Sightings of 682 and 939 are among the most commonly reported.
Input: One pumpkin and one candle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A jack-o-lantern that, when viewed, will compel the viewer to pick it up and place it onto their head.
Note: D-20932 had to be sedated to get the pumpkin off her head. The candle ended up burning her hair. I'm ordering a wig for her as we speak. - R.A. Walker
Input: One replica of Darby's labcoat
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An instance of Darby's labcoat that has several scratches, tears, and scuffs. When put on, others will view the wearer as the real Darby and will attempt to flee. When worn by Darby, no anomalous effects present themselves.
Input: One pumpkin and one candle.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate jack-o-lantern with the capacity of displacement (teleportation). It behaves with the intent to frighten victims by teleporting into air ducts, behind doors and under desks and screaming when discovered. Captured after causing Dr. Harley cardiac arrest by jumping out of his personal locker. Pumpkin incinerated.
Note: Harley will make it, fortunately. This is another example why biological testing is a poor idea. - Veritas
Note: I don't remember having a fourth pumpkin. That's the strangest part of all this. - R.A. Walker
914-12XX
Test 914-1216 "Periodic Testing, Part IV"
Name: R.A. Walker, D-20932, D-40049
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: One 1cm cube of sulphur, chlorine, argon, potassium, and calcium, each contained in glass
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with sulphur
Setting: Fine
Output: A perfect sulphur crystal, coated in glass. Even numbers 2 through 16 are carved into the sides in an elegant font.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with chlorine
Setting: Fine
Output: A thin, fragile glass of hydrochloric acid. When removed, D-20932 accidentally crushed the glass in her hand, causing several lacerations and acid burns. D-20932 was told to wash her hands, then rushed to the infirmary.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with argon
Setting: Fine
Output: A 15.7mm sphere filled with argon. The sphere will glow bright purple when held.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with potassium
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1cm cube of glass filled with kalium. When sensed, be it by touch, sight, or thought, it is impossible to call the nineteenth element by any other name than kalium.
Input: 1cm cube of glass filled with calcium
Setting: Fine
Output: A glass pill filled with white powder. When consumed, no effects are recorded. As D-40049 was returned to his cell, he tripped and fell. His right wrist was twisted to such an extent that it would normally be broken, but due to anomalous means, his bones have an unusually high resistance to stress. D-40049 was taken to the infirmary to treat minor injury and to test the makeup of his bones.
Test 914-1222 "Building Blocks"
Name: I. Demole, D-12249
Date: 11/11/2019
Total Items: A tub of wood glue paste, three hundred 50mm × 75mm × 45mm blocks of balsa wood
Input: One hundred blocks of balsa wood, a glob of glue paste
Setting: Fine
Output: One large block of wood, with mass and size equal to the input
Input: One hundred blocks of balsa wood, a glob of glue paste
Setting: 1:1
Output: One hundred blocks of wood foam. The glob of glue paste is chemically different, and no longer works as glue paste takes an extremely long time to dry.
Input: One hundred blocks of balsa wood, a glob of glue paste
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A white structure that appeared to be a small house. The glue paste used to put it together was also used to paint it. The door is glued shut. When D-12249 attempted to open the door, he broke the output. Remains incinerated, D-class dismissed.
Test 914-1228 "Don't Let The Bedbugs Bite"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 12/11/2019
Total Items: Three cans of [REDACTED]-brand bug spray
Note: Got the bedbugs something fierce, and nothing works. - R.A. Walker
Input: One can of bug spray
Setting: 1:1
Output: One can of herbicide spray
Input: One can of bug spray
Setting: Fine
Output: One can of triple strength [REDACTED]-brand bug spray. When applied to an instance of Cimex lectularius, it has no effect.
Input: One can of bug spray
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One can of ''914-brand'' Bug Spray. When applied to an instance of Cimex lectularius, nothing happens.
Input: Above output
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One can of 914-brand Arthropod Incinerator. When applied to an instance of Cimex lectularius any object or entity, the target and everything in a radius of half the length of the target will ignite and burn from the inside out. Output confiscated and remotely detonated.
Test 914-1255 "Heat Pockets"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 19/11/2019
Total Items: Three pepperoni flavored ''Hot Pockets'' which were recently removed from the microwave. Prior approval for use of biological material as input obtained 17/11/2019 by Dir. ██████.
Note: They appear to faintly glow white when I'm not wearing my glasses. - R.A. Walker
Input: One Hot Pocket
Setting: 1:1
Output: One small pepperoni pizza
Black Body Radiation: "IR-White" - 7.8µm peak, ~110°C
Note: It should appear teal to me, but I suspect that it doesn't for the same reason that Polaris doesn't. Hot things emit a wide range of wavelengths due to black-body radiation, and that triggers all three cone cells at some point. As such, I am using special instruments to measure the temperature and peak emitted wavelength of each output. - R.A. Walker
Input: One Hot Pocket
Setting: Fine
Output: One Hot Pocket. The "crisping sleeve" reflects 99.983% of all heat back into the Hot Pocket, making it hotter, and making it cool slower.
Black Body Radiation: "IR-White" - 7.4µm peak, ~120°C
Input: One Hot Pocket
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One "Pocket of Heat". The floor of the output booth is tarnished from where the "Pocket of Heat" was. It had to be removed with tungsten tongs, as steel tongs melted and subsequently boiled into metal gas. "Pocket of Heat" was thrown into the incinerator, where it continued growing hotter until it melted. Melted carbon deemed non-anomalous.
Black Body Radiation: Red - 710nm peak, ~3000°C
Note: How did it not catch fire? - R.A. Walker
Note: That stunt of yours damaged the incinerator. Next time, don't incinerate things without authorization. I want the output booth clean by tomorrow. - Veritas
Note: I got a very short note from Inter-Site Maintenance this morning, Lucius. It says, "We fixed it barely two weeks ago." Do send someone to supervise the new researchers if they plan on using the incinerator this month. - Site Director Hackett
Note: Arthur, there's no helping these people. I don't know where half of them got their degrees, but they wouldn't test responsibly even at gunpoint. I talked to Inter-Site. The repair cost comes out of Walker's salary. Incidentally, Dir. ██████ is not actually authorized to clear biological material. - Veritas
Note: Duly noted, and very well. Dir. ██████ will face disciplinary action accordingly. - Site Director Hackett
Test 914-1271 "Periodic Testing, Part V"
Name: R.A. Walker, D-20932
Date: 22/11/2019
Total Items: One 1cm cube of scandium, titanium, vanadium, chromium, manganese, and iron
Input: 1cm cube of scandium
Setting: Fine
Output: A 1mm×10cm×10cm plate. When viewed, the subject seeks to find the nearest scanner, believing that they have found a lost document. Object has been taken to the parking lot and thrown into a crudely built crucible to be melted down.
Note: I didn't have it thrown into the incinerator, due to my outputs frequently breaking the incinerator. R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of titanium
Setting: Fine
Output: A large paper clip made of titanium oxide. An attempt to use it as a paper clip caused the output to break.
Input: 1cm cube of vanadium
Setting: Fine
Output: A 10cm×10cm×1mm vanadium plate. The macro-etching resembles the Van Gogh painting "Starry Night".
Input: 1cm cube of chromium
Setting: Fine
Output: A small chrome gear, with a flat stand at the bottom of one of the spokes.
Note: This wouldn't seem out of place as a monopoly token. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of manganese
Setting: Fine
Output: A manganese coin, three centimeters across. It is decorated with images of gears and other clockwork mechanisms. On one side, there is an image of an unknown Russian man and some Cyrillic text translating to "Super Setting", and on the other, an image of SCP-914 and text translating to "Clockwork Token".
Note: What could this mean? I was going to just leave it at that, but now, I'm curious. - R.A. Walker
Input: 1cm cube of iron, one "Clockwork Token"
Setting: Fine
Note: As the input moved to the main chamber, the distinctive sound of a coin being pushed into an arcade machine could be heard, and the setting dial made two clicks, despite not having moved from the Fine setting. - R.A. Walker
Output: One 2cm×5mm×1cm iron bar magnet. After testing, the bar magnet was found to have a magnetic field that inverts over ███ times a second. If placed in a coil of wire, [DATA EXPUNGED]. Object confiscated and destroyed.
Note: So, it created [DATA EXPUNGED]. The clockworks made two clicks when the coin was inserted, and it made two clicks after the output booth opened. I think the setting changed, but the dial never moved. This item seems to be [REDACTED]. Veritas, I request that any "Clockwork Tokens" be confiscated if they ever appear again. I fear what would happen if someone used one of them with an input. - R.A. Walker
914-15XX
Test 914-1519 "Birthday Smash"
Name: R.A. Walker
Date: 18/03/2020
Total Items: One slice of a carrot cake made entirely of synthetic ingredients
Note: That phosphorus statue of Darby ended up catching a rouge sunbeam on 11/25/2019, and set the room on fire while I was asleep. I have been in recovery for the past few months, but I am well now. Today is my birthday, and I am going to share my cake with 914.
Input: One slice of carrot cake
Setting: Rough
Output: A perfectly round pastry, analogous to a carrot cake that has been crushed into a mixture where the crumbs are evenly mixed with the icing.
Note: As the Rough setting doesn't seem to have meaningfully changed this cake at the molecular level, I have offered it to D-15164. He reports that it tastes like carrot cake, but with the consistency of thick tar. On an unrelated note, the other six slices are in the break room if anyone wants a piece. - R.A. Walker
914 Team Collabs
A list of collaborative projects I am taking part in, or have taken part in.
The 914 Team create tests and write lore surrounding SCP-914 and Facility 19-23.
http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/collab:the-914-team
Anomalous things that I want to watch and experiment with.
Living Model City
On top of my desk, next to my computer, is a "living" model city. It resides in a glass display case. I provide 10 grams of scrap plastic every few days.3
City's status, 06/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are ten.
- 3× Light Industrial (light red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 3× Light Residential (light green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
There is no traffic. City is under lockdown.
Population is at least 200.
City's status, 13/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are eleven.
- 3× Light Industrial (light red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 3× Light Residential (light green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
- 1× Partially Constructed Tile
There are 20 flying cars visible at any given time.
Population is ~250.
City's status, 17/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are eleven.
- 3× Light Industrial (light red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 3× Light Residential (light green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
- 1× Empty Tile
There are 20 flying cars visible at any given time. Occasionally, 1 land car can be seen.
Population is ~250.
City's status, 20/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are eleven.
- 3× Light Industrial (light red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 3× Light Residential (light green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
- 1× Partially Constructed Light Residential
Note: Rule #1 of city-building: Never put houses next to factories and warehouses. No one will want to smell melted plastic every day, and it will attract crime. The partially constructed tile has been moved to the other side of the city. - RA Walker
There are 20 flying cars visible at any given time. Occasionally, 3 land cars can be seen.
Population is ~250.
City's status, 23/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are eleven.
- 3× Light Industrial (light red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 3× Light Residential (light green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
- 1× Partially Constructed Medium Residential
Note: They went straight to upgrading it. Residential demand must be really, really high. Not sure why they didn't build light residential in the first place. - RA Walker
There are up to 18 flying cars and 6 normal cars are visible at any given time.
Population is ~270.
City's status, 25/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are eleven.
- 3× Light Industrial (light red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 3× Light Residential (light green)
- 1× Medium Residential (green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
Note: I'm curious as to what they will achieve with a bit more plastic. I've placed a large mound of plastic scrap in one corner of the city. - RA Walker
There are up to 17 flying cars and 8 normal cars are visible at any given time.
Population is ~270.
City's status, 27/Sep/2019
The box the city is contained in can hold sixteen tiles. Currently, there are fourteen.
- 1× Partially Constructed Light Industrial
- 2× Light Industrial (light red)
- 2× Medium Industrial (red)
- 3× Light Commercial (light blue)
- 2× Light Residential (light green)
- 2× Medium Residential (green)
- 1× City Hall (white)
- 1× Empty Tile
Note: They are quickly approaching the maximum capacity of this display case. I wonder what they will do once they are out of room. I hope they build up. - RA Walker
There are up to 15 flying cars and 14 normal cars are visible at any given time.
Population is ~300.
Projects that have little to do with Facility 19-23.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-████ is to be kept in a 10m × 10m × 3m steel box, suspended 6 meters in the air. The box is to be surrounded by electrical fencing and kept in a 30m × 30m × 6m vacuum chamber in Site-██, kept under constant vacuum. Scranton reality anchors are to be placed every five meters around the perimeter of the containment chamber. Site staff are not to come within 100m of the containment chamber without prior O5 authorization. Those who pass too close to containment are to be placed into quarantine and monitored closely with a Kant counter. Should their readings remain normal, they are to be given Class-C amnestic and returned to work. If their Kant readings appear abnormal, they are reclassified as SCP-████-1, and are to be contained in a furnished [humanoid containment chamber] until they expire. In the event of a containment breach, personnel should attempt to build a perimeter of Scranton reality anchors around SCP-████. Once a perimeter is set up, it should be be closed around SCP-████ until it is recontained.
Description: SCP-████ appears to be a Caucasian female in her mid to late thirties. She is 175cm tall and weighs 74kg. Her hair is white, and her eyes are violet. She is fluent in Russian, though has learned some English while in containment. SCP-████ appears to be able to cause reality to warp around it, to such extents that local reality becomes incompatible with our own. It is additionally capable of causing the laws of physics to change anywhere within her line of sight. When brought into contact with a scranton reality anchor, SCP-████ is weakened, and when kept within two meters for more than four hours, will start to show signs of disintegration. Scans with a Kant counter indicate that the reality immediately around SCP-████ is normally around 4 Humes, and kept stable due to anomalous means.
SCP-████ seems to possess extensive knowledge about the laws of physics, including [DATA EXPUNGED]. When questioned about this knowledge, it claims that it was a leading Soviet physicist in a top-secret project to create a reality disruption ray. It claims that it has since been studying how to change reality on a universal scale, so that it may achieve [DATA EXPUNGED]. Due to this, and the powers SCP-████ is known to possess, it is highly imperative that it is to remain in containment, as it is likely capable of a Z1-Class Reality Reset Scenario.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-████ must be placated by any means within reason, including but not limited to terminating O5 members, destroying sites, [DATA EXPUNGED], or using [REDACTED] to rewrite history. Failure to do so may cause anything from a containment breach of any other SCP to a µΩ-class Multiverse Annihilation Scenario.
Description: SCP-████ consists of at least ██ million entities that call themselves "The Fandom". Little is known about them, though there is evidence that they are omniscient, can view any universe at will, and have great power to create and destroy certain universes in an instant. They appear to see these universes as "entertainment", and if they are displeased, they may cause [DATA EXPUNGED]. All Level 4 and above staff are strongly advised begged warned ordered on penalty of death to listen closely to their desires, especially in regards to "popular SCPs4" and follow through where reasonable. Unreasonable or uncommon requests may be ignored and/or rejected.
Opinion on other SCPs
What I think about some SCPs, including opinions, desires, or ideas for uses.
SCP-000's containment procedure is likely falsified. Here is what I think it should read as.
Item: SCP-000
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-000 is to be kept in slot 000 in the database. It may only be interacted with by personnel with O5 clearance or database technicians with Level 5 clearance. It is not to be experimented with, as doing so could potentially corrupt the database or reveal unauthorized documentation. Due to its uncertain nature, it is to remain undefined until further notice.
Description: SCP-000 appears to be an error in the SCP database, caused by being left undefined. Its true nature, whether it is sentient or not, and whether it can edit other files is unknown. SCP-000 was first discovered in ██/██/20██, when it started sending repair tickets to the database admins and developers. The developers have been advised to treat 000 as if merely a glitch, and to just ignore the tickets. As of ██/██/20██, the repair tickets are to be suppressed by Technical Researcher Rosen, so as to no longer appear to other database developers.
The ultimate doctor. Misunderstood and distrusted, he's been locked up somewhere around here. He claims to have the cure to some pestilence. No one knows what the pestilence is, but the doctor is capable of raising the dead, so I have my suspicions that the pestilence in question is death itself. If I am correct, then it is a damn shame he's locked up. We should be working diligently with him to perfect his cure. Perhaps combining whatever cure he has with 500 will improve it?
Seafoam that really wants you to merge with it. Probably a bit too eager. I wish it wouldn't rob you of your individuality. Still safer to merge with than 2059.
A d12 that makes things bigger on the inside. I wish to rent it to make Facility 19-23 bigger. We are kinda running out of space to put all our crap.
An old guy that is not actually old, and is quite powerful. I don't know why he stays here. I do, however, think he should be upgraded from Safe to Thaumiel.
An unkillable lizard. We've tried everything to kill it, but due to the almighty power of the fandom, he is immortal and invulnerable. I wish he didn't hate humans, but with the torture we put him through every day, he has no reason to not hate us.
Also overrated as hell.
The clockworks I work with around the clock. Broken as hell. Used to be able to interact with all four universal forces, but has been reduced to just gravitation and electromagnetism since March 2019. I want to fix it.
Bloody land sirens. You think they are friendly, but in they end, you are their prey. But they have no stomachs. I think there is some sort of microbe in their lungs that they are in symbiosis with. They eat meat, the bacteria or whatever breaks it down, and they get the nutritious wastes. They spend the first part of their lives as humans, and I would like to think that if they are raised as humans, and are treated well and fed lots of meat after transformation, that they could still interact with humans without biting our heads off.
Jolly jelly that makes your giblets jiggle while you chortle. It will protect you during a containment breach, as well. Very friendly. Would probably be better for the world if it could be duplicated and released to the world. But then, something bad could happen as well. You never know with happy slime molds.
Also overrated as hell.
A good boi that scares the shit out of too many people. I wish one could touch them, though. And pet them. And hug them.
I'm lonely. Surely they are too… right?
The correct periodic table. Just kidding. It would be nice, but it would be rather painful for the universe to be completely reconstructed just for a building block expansion pack… well, maybe the pain is worth it? Consider all the new things we could make with the extra elements.
A loud, confused and scared presence in a blob of meat. E████ L███████ should steal its DNA, in my opinion. If you wish to be a part of a larger entity, I recommend 171, instead.
99 small cubes that have excellent taste in art. Don't introduce to SCP-2046. Or do. These little guys are so cute, surely two hundred more couldn't hurt? Right?
👉👌📼. 📼👉📄🔍📼. 📼👉💻🔍📼. 📼👉😀💬🔍📼. 📼=💩. 🖕📼.
A big slimy eel that hides in the dark. Probably has a similar, if more potent gut microbe than 939. Has a hypnotic gaze. I… I don't… uh… what was I going to say again?
