How to Get a Promotion

Title: █████████████████████

WARNING: ACCESS FORBIDDEN BY THE ADMINISTRATOR.

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ADMINISTERING MEMETIC KILL AGENT

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Video Interview Log, (Dr. Parker M.)

Date: [REDACTED]

Note: Only audio of the following recording remains intact, below is a transcript of spoken words.

O5-13:

“Something isn’t right here, you ask? You’re probably correct, but the mental gymnastics involved with confirming your hypothesis makes you question whether or not what you’re doing is even sane or worth it. The Foundation is so hyper-secret due to the sheer amount of horror and reality breaking anomalies poses a serious risk to The Foundation, World Governments, and the greater world population at large. With that said, do you truly wish to proceed? Are you naive enough to actually believe you can divulge what I’m about to tell you?.”

O5-12 pauses, maintaining direct and intense eye contact with Dr. Parker. Dr. Parker is visibly extremely stressed and sweating intensely. Dr. Parker eventually responds, vainly attempting to have some semblance of professionalism.

Dr. Parker:

“Sir… Are you who I think you are? I’m only level two, why on earth would you want to talk to me?”

O5-12 smiles wide, breaking the eye contact by looking at his watch. He laughs and after a few seconds lights a cigarette, offering one to Dr. Parker. Dr. Parker seems reluctantly relieved, accepting the cigarette and flame from a lighter. O5-12 confidently breaks the silence.

O5-12:

“O5-12, you know my number, and I know you well enough to kill you and masquerade as you for the rest of your life.” O5-12 breaks eye contact briefly. “Not a threat, just an unfortunate fact of reality. However, my peers are not as kind as me, which is why I’m the one dealing with you rather than significantly aiding protecting humanity from its inevitable doom. So consider this as an official evaluation of your… Potential”

Dr. Parker frowns, maintaining O5-12’s strong eye contact. Dr. Parker seems to regain his composure, professionally responding after wiping sweat from his forehead.

Dr. Parker:

“I understand sir, I’ll submit and be thoroughly transparent. It’s probably a better fate than ending up dead… Or worse. Where should we start?”

O5-12 smiles at Dr. Parker, visibly confusing him. O5-12 puts his cigarette out, clearing his throat. O5-12 appears to be somewhat excited and perked up, standing up thinking for a brief period. O5-12 initiates communication abruptly.

O5-12:

“I’ll go first, transparency is probably the most important thing here, even though you will likely require amnestics afterwards… The SCP Foundation is not what you think it is. You have a surface level and extremely misguided idea of what the purpose of The Foundation actually is.”

O5-12 pauses. An apparition of a butler materializes behind Dr. Parker, pouring O5-12 a glass of an unknown alcoholic drink. The apparition also offers Dr. Parker the same drink, which he accepts. Dr. Parker seemed surprised by the presence of the apparition.

O5-12:

“We claim to protect and box up anomalous objects; and we do in fact do that, in case you weren’t entirely sure. Due to this, we require hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people to wield unknowable power in the name of some ‘Greater Good.’ So, how do you do that? There is an answer, and a simple one at that. All you have to do is simply become an anomaly yourself. No need for a document, you’re steadily ‘employed’ by The Foundation, even though it’s quite a long time it works in this system, I promise.”

Dr. Parker is intently staring at O5-12, slowly sipping at the drink that he identified as [REDACTED] brand Vodka mixed with Sweet Tea. Dr. Parker visually displays mild signs of distress

Dr. Parker:

“Please continue, these anomalies seem special.”

Dr. Parker requests O5-12 to proceed. O5-12 complied with pleasure.

O5-12:

“Did you know that I’m seven-hundred years old, Parker? What are you, like 30? I feel like I should exist in your god damn history book, not standing in front of you lecturing you about the nature of reality. Yet, here I am. Don’t think I dislike you, though, you’re talented and headstrong; if not a bit inquisitive and rogue at times. That can be worked out, but you have to work as a team here, otherwise you will likely end up with either gunshot wounds or be ‘MIA.’ What you do need to learn is that you have to think like these things. They are like animals, and monsters from the darkest fiction you’ve ever read but typically hundreds of times worse. You need to be able to deeply understand the destruction, the raw power, and the vile evil of what we contain here at The Foundation. That’s why I’m giving you these."

O5-12 materializes a thick, coil bound book containing documents SCP-███ through SCP-████, with additional reading content scattered throughout. The book also contained detailed descriptions of SCP-███ and Procedure: [REDACTED]. O5-12 gently places the book in front of Dr. Parker, establishing intense eye contact.

O5-12:

“This will satisfy your fancy. It isn’t to leave Site-██. Hide it like your life depends on it, because it does. If you lose this book, you will lose The Foundation and your life; because that book is The Foundation. Be careful, and I’m sure I will talk with you in the future. To finish up, welcome to Level 4, kid. You’ll start within the month."

Dr. Parker shakes O5-12’s hand and exits the interview chamber.

END LOG