Per 
CAPTION-GOES-HERE
Item #: SCP-8276
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-8276 must be contained in a 500cm (length) X 500cm (width) X 500cm (height), 20cm thick, steel lead containment cell. The cell must be air tight at all times, the air in the containment cell must be at least 20% carbine dioxide, 10% methane, 0% oxygen, 50% nitrogen, 10% hydrogen, and 10% helium. The cell must be at -26.1111 degrees Centigrade (-15 degrees Fahrenheit) at all times. SCP-8276 must not be plugged in. SCP-8276 has to be under 24/7 camera surveillance. SCP-8276 must be bolted to the ground at all times.
Description: SCP-8276 is a vending machine that is 93cm (length) X 80cm (width) X 173cm (height). SCP-8276 has 20 different types of snacks, the snacks are Candy Corn, Snickers, Trail Mix, Granola bars, Victim Human Male Eyes, Victim Human Male Tongues, Victim Human Female Eyes, Victim Human Female Tongues, Billy Jones's Healing Pills, Marry Jones's Love Pills, Tim Jones's Girl-in-a-Pocket, Tim Jones's Boy-in-a-Pocket, Kim Jones's Tears of Healing, Kim Jones's Tears of Sadness, Kim Jones's Tears of Happiness, Kim Jones's Tears of Anger, Kim Jones's Tears of Love, Kim Jones's Candy Tears, Doctor Parmel Jones's Portal Candy, and Doctor Parmel Jones's Life Candy. Billy Jones's Healing Pills and Kim Jones's Tears of Healing both will heal any type of wounds, illness, sickness, and diseases that you might have. Marry Jones's Love Pills and Kim Jones's Tears of Love both can make any two people fall in love with each other. Kim Jones's Tears of Sadness makes you sad. Kim Jones's Tears of Happiness makes you happy. Kim Jones's Tears of Anger makes you angry. Kim Jones's Candy Tears will always taste like your most favorite type of candy, but be careful if you eat too much of it, it will kill you. If you eat too much of any thing from this vending machine, it will kill you. Doctor Parmel Jones's Portal Candy will put you into a random dimension, realm, and/or universe. Doctor Parmel Jones's Life Candy it will extend your life span by 2,000 years and it will heal any type of wounds, illness, sickness, and diseases that you might have.
Addendum: The Wish Nard Vending Machine's design was created by a person named Kim Jones. She created the Wish Nard Vending Machine for a company named Wish Nard Vending Company. Wish Nard Vending Company started to manufacture the Wish Nard Vending Machine in 4/22/1890. Wish Nard Vending Company manufactured about 426,519 of the Wish Nard Vending Machine from 4/22/1890 to 6/20/1930, but they only sold about 243,153 Wish Nard Vending Machine before the Wish Nard Vending Company went out of business in 1/27/1950. SCP-8276 was the first unit to be manufactured. The Wish Nard Vending Company did not pay Kim Jones for designing the vending machine, Kim did every thing she could to try to get them to pay, but they did not pay until 6/20/1930. By then Kim was 50 years old and the way they paid her was not pleasant, they paid her by stuffing her into the first unit made, while she was still alive. She died in the vending machine and after that their business started to go down hill. Even to this day Kim's body is still in the vending machine. The body still seems to be fully intact just like if she was just sleeping, the body also has a pulse and is still breathing. She appears to look like if she were still just 28 years old. The vending machine still fully functions even when it is unplugged. The SCP was discovered at 1801 W 4th St, Reno, NV 89503 at the El Tavern Motel in 4/16/2008 by the foundation. The SCP was captured at 20 Mercer St, West End, London WC2H 9HD, United Kingdom at the Radisson Blu Edwardian, Mercer Street in 8/16/2008.
