Per 
“Hello everyone, my name is Jessica Clink. I am assistant director of the financing department here at site 15 ; and I will be doing your orientation today. I would like to begin by telling you something outright, this will be the most intense and confusing job you will ever have with an accounting degree. I know, there isn't exactly much competition. Regardless, I recommend you drop whatever notions you have about working here. I'm really tired of these bushy tailed graduates coming in thinking they can run a place."
“I'm honest woman, so I'm gonna be honest with you. You guys are not the best of the best. We can't afford the best of the best. That, and they're too fucking self centered to help keep the world turning."
"Would anyone like to take a guess as to what the foundation does? Anyone? Yeah, four eyes in the back”
“No, we don't deal with wars and nations. They are below what we're supposed to do here. Anyone else? What about you with the ruby gold necklace? No? Well let me tell you. The SCP foundation does one thing: Secure, Contain, Protect.”
“Ok smart ass, that’s technically three things. But contain what you might ask? Weird shit in the world you don’t get to know about. You guys will all get level one clearance at the conclusion of this orientation. What does that mean? It means you won’t know shit about what the hell we’re financing. And do you know who decides what we buy? The lab coats do. The guys who don’t even have a fucking check book. And they can’t eve-”
“Oh, right. Sorry. The lab coats are the researchers here at the foundation. They work directly with the anomalies we contain here, the scientific lot. You won’t have to worry about them too much, you’ll see them in the cafeteria and sometimes we’ll get a list of things from them that they say they need. Expect to see some weird shit on that list. There’s a site that reported a need for “300 large wooden barrels of beer to appease a god” and a month later requested “a vintage 18th century victorian fireplace”. If you’re lucky, you’ll get the reports from the MTFs. If you’ve worked for the military they’ll look familiar. Kevlar, goggles, radio equipment, you get the point. I wouldn’t recommend trying to get to know them though; they always have this cold look in their eyes. Actually I wouldn’t recommend trying to get to know anyone outside of accounting, maybe the mental health department. We’ve gotten more than one report of harassment and bullying from the research team. Actually if you do get shit from research, tell them you’re on Clink’s team. If they don’t stop, you come to me.
“Now the director wanted me to pass on some points to you, so I’ll just go through that now.”
1. If ANYONE comes by claiming to be a ‘Dr. Bright’ you are to report to the director or assistant director immediately. Everyone who is of female or non binary identity should immediately leave the area. Men are encouraged to do the same.
2. There is a man in the north wing named Stanley. No one is to interact with him without explicit director permission.
3.Please do not steal office supplies, we are already ironically underfunded.
4. If anyone is caught embezzling money from foundation resources will face punishment by the sight director.
5. Anyone who discusses details of your workplace with the outside, non foundation personnel with be immediately demoted to class D personnel.
“Hm? Oh yes, you in the front.”
“What’s class D personnel? Something you don’t wanna be, buddy.”
“I think that should just about do it. You’ll find your office assignments on the poster board in the back of the room, our storage closet is in the back there. My office is right here if you need anything, just don’t come to me for petty shit. Alright, that just about does it.”
