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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be locked in a humanoid containment cell luxurious room (see addenda), containing a sofa, a large cat scratching post, carpeting on the floor, and a bathroom consisting of a shower, toilet, sink and mirror. SCP-XXXX is to be given 4 meals a day, Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch and Dinner. Snacks shall be granted upon request. A guard is to be posted outside of SCP-XXXX's living quarters and is responsible for dealing with any requests.

Note: Anything requested by SCP-XXXX is to be brought up to a project manager, presumably me, and if deemed reasonable, is to be complied with. SCP-XXXX seems to be helpful and responsive if we give them what they want, so we shall do as they obliged. See Addendum SCP-XXXX-2 for more details on the situation. - Dr. Williams

Description: SCP-XXXX is a feline, approx. 1.2 m tall. They behave like a domesticated house cat, except walk on two legs, and aren't from Earth. SCP-XXXX wears a well tailored suit at all times, except when they're sleeping which then they wear pajamas made of an unknown, incredibly soft fabric.

SCP-XXXX claims they come from a planet located in the Sagittarius Arm, approx. 6,700 light years away, called Cerando. When asked what their name was, it was unintelligible and not repeatable by human voices. Under the request of SCP-XXXX, all personnel are to refer to them as Mr. Cerando. SCP-XXXX's favorite activities involve sleeping and scratching various objects, including people (see incident SCP-XXXX-1). Under SCP-XXXX's claim that they do not follow the same gender classification as humans do, the Foundation has opted to use the pronoun 'they' or 'them' to address them.

SCP-XXXX has 9 gadgets they carry along with them at all times, except when they're sleeping, which they are then kept in a brief case (see addendum SCP-XXXX-2). Multiple of these gadgets have unknown responsibilities. SCP-XXXX has allowed the Foundation to experiment with 3 of these gadgets (see Testing Logs).
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Incident Log, SCP-XXXX-1
November 30th, 201█, at 17:00: Guard Jerry ██████ was bringing SCP-XXXX's broccoli stew for dinner, even after requesting they not have it. SCP-XXXX, upon being given the stew, started attacking the guard, instantly clawing and biting him. 12 seconds in, Jerry was knocked unconscious by SCP-XXXX's leg. SCP-XXXX immediately ran out the door, and took 3 tranquilizer darts from personnel before falling unconscious and being re-contained. He injured 4 personnel.

Interview, SCP-XXXX-1

Interviewed: Mr. Cerando

Interviewer: Dr. Williams

Foreword: We have learned that Mr. Cerando is incredibly rude and really hates being here.

<Begin Log>

Dr. Williams: So, SCP-XXXX, wh-

SCP-XXXX: What did you just call me? I will respond to Mr. Cerando and nothing else.

Dr. Williams: This is not a game, SCP-XXXX. I wi-

Mr. Cerando: I swear, if you call me that one more time I will gouge your eyes out and put them in my broccoli stew that you feed me. Oh and that bri-

Dr. Williams: I'm sorry, Mr. Ce-

Mr. Cerando: Do you just interrupt people? Oh my you are incredibly aggravating. As I was saying, the food you feed me here is not tolerable, and I will kill the next person who dares bring me broccoli stew. It's not even real broccoli I'm pretty sure. I've spent a near decade studying agriculture for my trip and that, my good sir, is not bloody broccoli. Oh, and who was the person responsible for giving me milk? I want them immediately executed on site, or else I'll do it myself. Also can I not live in a literal pile of shit? That place is horrible. I demand a room with style or fashion or I'm going to go crazy and murder the next person I see. Another thing, this place smells. You guys might not be able to tell, but it smells like someone killed a skunk and let it rot in the heat for a week before cutting it up and eating it. That's probably what your serving me yeah? Dead skunk?

Following the interviewer's response, Dr. Williams stands up, and grabs his papers preparing to leave the interview room.

Mr. Cerando: What's for lunch?

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Holy shit. I thought they'd be at least a little nice. -Dr. Williams.

Interview, SCP-XXXX-2

Interviewed: SCP-XXXX, referred to as Mr. Cerando.

Interviewer: Dr. Williams

Foreword: Before the interview starts, as of Incident SCP-XXXX-1, I am requesting that the interview room be on stand by to be flooded with anesthetics, if SCP-XXXX were to become hostile in any way. -Dr. Williams

<Begin Log>

Dr. Williams: So, Mr. Cerando, we are here today to talk about to subjects. Your behavior, and your briefcase. Do you promise to not interrupt, become violent, and you will be polite throughout the interview?

Mr. Cerando: Yes, you see, I attacked Jerry because he gave me broccoli stew. But, let me remind you, what did I specifically ask not to be served?

Both in unison: Broccoli stew.

Dr. Williams: Okay, but you do realize poor Jerry had nothing to do with giving you the stew, he was just following orders?

Mr. Cerando: What you're saying is that I should attack someone else instead of Jerry? Like you?

Mr. Cerando visibly hunched down on all fours.

Dr. Williams: I have the other room full of guards ready to shoot you on sight if you dare attack me.

Mr. Cerando: I know you don't. You're blatantly lying. It's obvious. The way you speak, the smell of your breath. My guess is that nerve agent is going to sweep into this room, knocking us both out. Not if I kill you fast enough. Anyways, I was just joking. I'm not actually going to hurt you, I promised, and promises are promises.

Dr. Williams: Okay then. Second item on the agenda, what is in that briefcase?

Mr. Cerando: None of your business.

Dr. Williams: You're technically our captive. We can make a lot harder for you if you just comply with us.

Silence for approx. 25 seconds.

Mr. Cerando: Let's strike a deal, shall we? In this bag are nine objects of various uses, and I will let you inspect some of the items in this bag, in return for a suitable life, nice accommodations, and room service.

Silence for approx. 18 seconds.

Dr. Williams: Alright. Please pull out one of the items you wish for us to inspect. We will take it and study it later. For now, we will put it into storage.

SCP-XXXX pulls out an item, somewhat resembling a toy model of a cannon, approx. 61 cm, and about 10 cm larger than the suitcase itself.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: It appears that the briefcase is somehow larger in-size than appearance, as the object pulled out of it was reasonably bigger than the briefcase itself. Please wait for further testing of the briefcase and accessories. -Dr. Williams

Gadget A
Dimensions: 61.85 cm long, 5 cm wide at the largest.
Appearance: Matte black, with a trigger, and a loading mechanism similar to the M1 Garand. the 'ammo' consists of a 13 cm long rod, with 4 prongs hanging off of it, each 5 cm long. The prongs are collapsible to allow them to fit in the item.
Usage: The item appears to be a grappling hook, but the hook lands wherever the user is thinking, and pulls them over to the location. The mechanism behind the firing is unknown, but distances upwards of 402,336 km have been noted (D-15342 thought of the moon while firing, and expired shortly after arrival due to oxygen loss). Speeds around ██,340 km/h have been noted, and the reason why the organism doesn't die upon speeding up is unknown.

(writing about 2 more gadgets, waiting for inspiration and ideas…)

Mr. Cerando, Article 1