Per 
Item #: SCP-5598
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: POI-5598 is currently held in a non-anomalous humanoid containment wing in Site-44. POI-5598 is allowed to leave the facility one a day under the supervision of a plain-clothes guard. POI-5598 is not allowed to enter any McDonald’s location.
Description: SCP-5598 the phenomena/relationship occurring between POI-5589 and any McDonald’s restaurant he may enter.
POI-5589 is construction worker Jerry Matthew of Albany, New York. Upon entering into a McDonald’s location the following events may occur:
- All fully constructed items containing a hamburger will spontaneously manifest legs resembling those of kangaroos. These will be proportional to the size of the burgers. The burgers will begin following POI-5598 for the remainder of his time with the restaurant.
- All patrons within the restaurant will break into prayer targeting towards POI-5598. Sacrifices of food, beverages, and Happy Meal toys will be presented to POI-5598.
- Employees within the restaurant will only refer to POI-5598 as ‘His holiness, Ronald.’ They will also offer food to Matthew, often in excess.
- Managers that may be present within the McDonald’s restaurant will ask for POI-5598 to bless their items.
According to POI-5598, these events were not always present throughout his life, only seeming to have manifested within the last 4-5 years.
Addendum: Notable Incidents
Date: 10/2/2008
Security footage shows POI-5598 entering into a McDonald’s restaurant. 30 seconds pass before burgers begin hopping over the founder and begin circling him. POI-5598 appears distraught and attempts to exit. A woman with her child blocks his way and kneels while offering a large fry and her toddler to POI-5598. He maneuvers around her and exits.
This is the first known appearance of the SCP-5598 phenomena. A Facebook post from POI-5598 was made following this incident. Matthew was questioning if prank shows were being filmed within the city.
Date: 10/3/2008
POI-5598 enters into the same restaurant. A manager greets him at the door and quickly escorts him into an office. 32 minutes pass before POI-5598 re-emerges, showing signs of confusion while holding 10 plastic bags. The manager is seen crying, apparently for joy, while talking to POI-5598.
Date: 3/22/2009
POI-5598 entered a different restaurant than the previous incidents. Patrons within the store immediately stand, go down on a single knee, and divert their eyes from POI-5598 who quickly exits the store.
Date: 3/30/2009
POI-5598 is carried into the restaurant by a lifted throne held by multiple McDonald’s employees. He appears distraught and attempts to jump from throne but is immediately picked up and placed back on it. Burgers are seen lined bun to bun on the counter. The audio of the footage was distorted, however, light humming of the McDonald’s ‘I’m Loving It’ slogan theme is heard. Multiple bags of food are placed into POI-5598’s lap. He is then carried out.
Addendum Two: A variety of tests were done to POI-5598, varying from basic phycological to thaumaturgic readings. Of note were the Hume reading tests, which found a mild discrepancy in measurements. This was seen as error and another test was held finding the same reading. The Department of Demonology hypothesized this as ‘masking’ from a paranormal/demonic entity. Standard protocol was held and the demon was extracted for long enough to hold an interview.
«BEGIN LOG»
Dr. George: Everything on?
Command: Yes sir.
Dr. George: Alright. I’m Dr. William George, level 3 researcher from the Department of Demonology currently researching SCP-5598. (Turning to POI-5598) Foul beast who has stolen this vessel, what is your want.
Entity within POI-5598: Can we chill with the biblical speak?
Dr. George: I’m sorry?
Entity within POI-5598: What do you think this is the Exorcist? No way! I barely want to be here!Dr. George: Then why are you attempting to mask yourself from us?
Entity within POI-5598: Because I lost and now I have to do this.
Dr. George: Please be a bit more clear.
Entity within POI-5598: They’re gonna be mad that you guys of all people know, but fine, I guess. McDonald’s as a franchise is very successful. Wouldn’t you agree? (Dr. George nods.) We as the other fast food restaurants, myself, Wendy’s, Arby’s, Chick-fil-a, Taco Bell, you got it. We want their success.
Dr. George: Alright. (Pause.) So, uh, who are you representing?
Entity within POI-5598: Burger King, cliche I know.
Dr. George: Can you explain how you ended up within this man.
Entity within POI-5598: Ever since the First Lady started making childhood obesity her main problem to solve, we’ve had sales falling. Business wasn’t looking good for all of us. McDonald’s was still doing well and we formed a bit of an alliance—
Dr. George: Let me ask this, who are you exactly. A name?
Entity within POI-5598: I’m the Burger King.
Dr. George: The mascot?
Entity within POI-5598: Yes. Let me get back to the story and it’ll all make sense. Wendy’s sent Wendy, Chick-fil-a sent their illiterate goddamn cows, Arby’s sent the weird star that wouldn’t shut up about “the meats,” Taco Bell literally sent a bell.
Dr. George: This doesn’t explain how you were able to possess someone.
Entity within POI-5598: The cows knew some spells or something, enough to make us astral project and take over a body. Not only that, she knew how to convert specifically to Ronald using some of his hair. No one really wanted to volunteer and it was between myself and Wendy because we were the only one who could feasibly communicate. I lost, of course, and ended up here.
Dr. George: Were you causing everything that happened in the store?
Entity within POI-5598: No! This was supposed to be covert. Wendy messed up the spell and it was apparently too powerful. I was trying my best to hide but it was enough to get your attention.
Dr. George: I see. (Pause) I’m somewhat at a loss here, how do we know that you’re not lying?
Entity within POI-5598: You got a phone? (Dr. George nods.) Call the Wendy’s corporate number and say the following phrase [DATA EXPUNGED].
(Dr. George complies with the entity’s instructions. The phrase is spoken and Dr. George is diverted to a person claiming to be Wendy’s mascot ‘Wendy’)
Wendy: Hello, Wendy speaking, who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today.
Entity within POI-5598: Speaker please. Hey Wendy—
Wendy: BK? Son of a bitch what did you do? Why can I hear your voice?
Entity within POI-5598: I’m currently compromised and I’m probably not making it out.
Wendy: What happened?
Entity within POI-5598: Whatever spell the cows gave me made my presence too powerful and gave me no control where the body goes.
Wendy: (Banging) Why the hell did you listen to those idiots. (Pauses) Who are you with?
Entity within POI-5598: The SCP—
(Wendy hangs up.)
«END LOG»
Since containment, the entity within POI-5598 has not attempted to breach the body of Mathew. All information regarding Burger King’s stock price is nottò be given to POI-5598 under any circumstance.
