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+ CODE

rating: 0+x

Info

SCP-5729: "The Ghost in the Shed"
I wonder if he's still in there.

5729.png

More by this author!

rating: 0+x
Item#: SCP-6594
Level2
Containment Class:
maksur
Secondary Class:
{$secondary-class}
Disruption Class:
vlam
Risk Class:
notice
link to memo
wallace.png

SCP-XXXX.

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-XXXX is a bipedal creature resembling a stuffed bear. It is sapient and sentient and speaks with a thick, New Yorker accent. SCP-XXXX is linked to SCP-XXXX-1, Restaurant Name, a restaurant in City, Place. Patrons who enter and sit in SCP-XXXX-1 alone will be joined by SCP-XXXX, who will eat and attempt to make conversation. SCP-XXXX self-identifies as Wallace, and will not provide a surname if pressed. A handwritten note on a tag stitched into SCP-XXXX's right leg reads as follows:

Friend for losers :)

SCP-XXXX is extremely difficult to contain, however, these failures have been through inadvertent actions on SCP-XXXX's part or unrelated circumstances leading to efforts being unsuccessful.

Addendum XXXX-1, Containment Log:

Due to the difficulty in containing SCP-XXXX during previous attempts, Site-43 organized the following procedure.

Part One: Occupy

Site-43 staff is to replace all employed staff members and patrons at Restaurant Name. Personnel has drawn straws for their positions, and they are as follows.
Dr. E. Andrews — Server
Dr. H. Arancia — Interviewer of SCP-XXXX
Dr. H. Blank — Server for SCP-XXXX
Guest Dr. J. Dune — Bus Boy
Rsr. F. Fitzgerald — Server
Dr. E. Grant — Bus Boy
Guest Dir. P. Lague — Chef
Dr. L. Lillihammar — Hostess
Chief C. Zaman — Chef
Dr. W. Wettle — Chef

PP.png

If your name is not listed here, you are most likely playing the role of Patron. Please see Dr. Blank for more information.

— Harold Blank, Archives and Revision
— Oversight from Henry Arancia, Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology

Present personnel were connected via an earpiece to discuss their actions throughout the containment attempt. These messages are denoted by a BLUE name. SCP-XXXX entered SCP-XXXX-1 at 20:23:54 on 17 October 2021, five minutes after Dr. Arancia was seated.

Interview Log

Date: 17 October 2021

Present: Dr. Henry Arancia (Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology), Dr. Harold Blank (Archives and Revision, Server), SCP-XXXX

SCP-XXXX: Ay, how ya doin'. Name's Wallace. Call me Wally, Waldo, Willy. I don't care.

SCP-XXXX thrusts its paw out. Dr. Arancia shakes it.

Dr. Arancia: Nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Arancia.

Rsr. Fitzgerald: Ah shit.

Dr. Arancia takes a breath.

SCP-XXXX: Oh! We're bein' formal today! Apologies docta, I'm not dressed for the occasion.

Dr. Blank: We're good, we're good. Keep going.

Dr. Arancia: It's… quite alright. So, what have you been—

SCP-XXXX: Waiter!

Dr. Blank rushes over.

Dr. Blank: Yes sir?

SCP-XXXX: Been here a thousand times, mind if I order?

Dr. Arancia: Oh, yeah… go ahead.

Dr. Blank: What can I get you?

SCP-XXXX: Cheese plate, two New England clam chowders, and an order of the mussels. Entree we're gonna do the surf and turf — how do you like your steak?

Dr. Arancia: Medium-rare. Actually, about the clams and—

SCP-XXXX: An aristocrat, two medium-rare surf and turfs. And make sure you get the extra butter sauce. Tommy back there knows what I'm talkin' about. Thank ya.

Dr. Arancia: I— Thanks.

Dr. Dune: What's the problem?

Dr. Wettle: He's allergic to shellfish.

SCP-XXXX: Ya like movies? I did the Good Fellas back there.

Dr. Arancia: Yeah. I got that.

SCP-XXXX: To tell you the truth, lotta freaks around here recently. I think it's somethin' with the tourists or whateva. I haven't seen the regulars 'round here in weeks and they got all these new staff members runnin' around.

Dr. Arancia: I'm sure that's hard.

SCP-XXXX: You a therapist or somethin? You seem like you're tryna analyze me.

Dr. Arancia: Nope, not at all.

Part Two: Lure

Numerous attempts have failed because SCP-XXXX pulled away from the conversation. It does not like intrusive questions and will opt to leave if they go too far. It does show a want to form a personal bond with the people it sits with. So, the job of the interviewer is as follows:

  • Talk about yourself. Engage with its questions.
  • Laugh at its jokes.
  • It really likes movies, please recognize its references. There is a box of Tarantino and Scorcese movies in my office.
  • Ease into its origin. Where it's from, what its parents did, its job, etc.
  • Confirm the introduction of containment attempts (Detailed in Part Three).

It is also imperative that you create an emotional backstory. It latches onto those.

PP.png

— Harold Blank, Archives and Revision
— Oversight from Henry Arancia, Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology


In preparation, Dr. Arancia viewed Quentin Tarantino's entire catalog, all films regarding the Italian Mafia from Martin Scorsese, and three of the seven seasons of The Sopranos. This was determined to be adequate.

Dir. Lague: I just want to note how much of a pain in the ass this place is being.

Dr. Lillihammar: What do you mean?

Dir. Lague: This place really, and I mean really does not want me putting these drugs in the food.

Dr. Blank: Elaborate, please.

Dir. Lague: Listen, I read the draft of what this thing does. "Inadvertent actions on SCP-XXXX's part or unrelated circumstances leading to efforts being unsuccessful." I'm about 99% sure the restaurant is to blame.

Dr. Blank: How so?

Dir. Lague: I have Zaman and Wettle beside me, they'll tell you. Half the time you try to pour the sedatives in, the container falls from your hand, or the lights go out, or you spill something.

Dr. Lillihammar: Is it possible you're just clumsy?

Dir. Lague: It's physically and statistically impossible for us to be doing all of this on accident. Come in here and try if you don't believe me. I have half of the prep food duct-taped to the counters. I thought I calmed it down earlier but I guess not.

Chief Zaman: We're not lying. This is some weird shit going on.

Dr. Wettle: What he said.

Dir. Lague: Hmm.

Chief Zaman: "Hmm" what?

Dir. Lague: I think I figured something out. The building doesn't want us to mess with the bear. It knows we're trying to, though.

Chief Zaman: So what?

Dir. Lague: I'm just thinking out loud.

Interview Log

Date: 17 October 2021

Present: Dr. Henry Arancia (Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology), SCP-XXXX

SCP-XXXX is consuming its bowl of clam chowder. Dr. Arancia leaves his untouched.

SCP-XXXX: So, tell me, what're ya doin' alone up here.

Dr. Arancia: Long story short: I think my wife and I are splitting up.

SCP-XXXX: Ah that's terrible. It's always hard to deal with something like that. Any kids?

Dr. Arancia: Nah. That's the reason really. She wanted kids, I didn't. With everything you see in the world, you don't want to bring a baby into this suffering.

Dir. Lague: That's a good one.

Dr. Wettle: Very smart choice. Nice job, Hank.

SCP-XXXX: Tale as old as time my friend. I'll be honest, you look awful, especially for a doctor. Pale, your eyes are baggy, I can see your veins.

Dr. Arancia: Thanks.

SCP-XXXX: I'm just breakin' your balls. I promise you, at some point, it'll get better. Hell, maybe it'll work itself out. If not, plenty of fish in the sea. Can I ask where you're from?

Dr. Arancia: The US originally. I was transferred here for work and have stayed put for about seven years. I can't complain.

SCP-XXXX: I sure as hell can.

Dr. Arancia: What about you?

SCP-XXXX: What about me?

Dr. Arancia: Are you from around here?

SCP-XXXX: Eh, I've never really stayed put. Been here, been there. Did a tour in 'Nam, hit up Europe for a while. Landed back in this freezer and decided to stay for a while.

Dr. Arancia: Vietnam?

Dir. Lague: Sherlock Holmes, ladies and gentlemen.

SCP-XXXX: Where else would it be? What kinda doctor is this I thought you bastards were supposed to be smart.

Dr. Blank: You have no idea.

Dr. Arancia laughs.

Dr. Arancia: Well, you know…

SCP-XXXX: What do you study?

Dr. Arancia: Clinical psychology.

Dr. Lillihammar: Pffft. Sure.

SCP-XXXX: The big bucks! Look at you, my friend. I once spoke with an "astronaut" not too long ago1. Now that was a weirdo.

Dr. Wettle: Hey, what the hell?

Dr. Lillihammar: You talked about aliens, you idiot. No credible astronaut would talk about aliens.

Dr. Wettle: I literally talked to them, Lil. I have the recording.

Dr. Blank: She's right.

Dr. Arancia: In what way?

SCP-XXXX: He was just going on and on and on and on and on about mundane shit. Nothin' interestin' at all. The dude was just borin', and he had been to space! Imagine that! You left the planet and have no personality other than bein' a nervous asshole who wants to get into your business.

Dr. Wettle: Asshole.

SCP-XXXX: All due respect he did have a cool story about aliens or somethin'.

Dr. Wettle: Ha! Kiss my ass!

Part Three: Assault

Containment efforts are going to be rapidly sent out over the course of the night. The majority of them will occur during the entree portion. For the safety of the containment team, it is imperative that you either

DO NOT CONSUME ANY OF THE FOOD OR DRINK

or

TAKE THE ANTI-SEDATIVE

Every inch of the kitchen has been laced with high-grade sedatives developed by Site-322. Personnel in the chef position is required to take the anti-sedative. There is also monitoring equipment in every room in the building, including restrooms.

Upon SCP-XXXX entering SCP-XXXX-1, a mobile task force will be stationed at each exit. The doors have been previously replaced with iron security doors which will electronically lock. In the event of a potential breach. The doors and windows will be welded shut.

On a personal note, I'd like to say that complaints regarding us "overdoing it" for a "teddy bear," I omitted a certain f-word there, are not appreciated nor are they conducive to the Foundation's goal. We have a job and we need to do it. I'll be honest, I am a bit frustrated, and you should be too. This "teddy bear" has eaten through more manpower than it has for 90% of anything Site-43 has contained combined. If my level of frustration is coming off in these notes, I apologize.

Let's get this done.

PP.png

— Harold Blank, Archives and Revision
— Oversight from Henry Arancia, Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology


Interview Log

Date: 17 October 2021

Present: Dr. Henry Arancia (Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology), SCP-XXXX

SCP-XXXX: —So the wife says "That's not a pig, that's a duck" The husband says "I wasn't talkin' ta you."

Dr. Arancia laughs.

Dr. Andrews: That's just misogynistic.

Dr. Arancia: Yeah. So, ahem, you work?

SCP-XXXX: Odd jobs. Mostly construction at my brother's company. He has me as a foreman down there. I always liked to lead. [Pause] I see that in you. That drive and all.

Dr. Arancia: How so?

SCP-XXXX: Some people just have it. There's a thing the Hollywood fucks have where they can sniff out a star just by lookin' at 'em — they don't even have to see them act or sing or nothin'. I've always had that with people who want to do something. All this bullshit you said you're goin' through it'll pass regardless of whatever way it goes. And you'll carry on. Like in The Sopranos, the main character, Tony, he gets shot and almost dies, but he comes out with a new perspective on life. He values it. I think this situation will do the same, and you'll do good because of it.

Dr. Arancia: That really means a lot. Thank you.

SCP-XXXX: Well, it's rare — to find someone with that spark. I've sat with many a-people and I only found one other. I hope he's off doin' his thing.

Dr. Arancia: You mentioned your brother.

SCP-XXXX: What about him?

Dr. Arancia: You said he owns a company.

SCP-XXXX: Yeah a few. He's my older brother and has always been there for me.

Dr. Dune: Shouldn't it be out at this point?

Dr. Lillihammar: Lague, was it in the soup?

Dir. Lague: Wait. Shit, I used yesterday's pot. As for Jay's question, it could take a bit longer than that.

Dr. Lillihammar: Goddamn it, how did you do that?

Dir. Lague: It was a mixup. What do you want me to do about it?

Dr. Lillihammar: Make sure it's on the steak.

Dir. Lague: I'm making sure. You just…

A bang is heard.

Dr. Lillihammar: Paul?

Chief Zaman: He just collapsed.

Dr. Lillihammar: Did he take the counter drug?

Chief Zaman: He said he did. Wettle?

Dr. Wettle: He said he would after he got… the soup.

Dr. Lillihammar: For the love of God. Blank! Come in.

Dr. Blank: What do you want me to do? I call in this guy because he has a gumball machine doing his taxes and he laces the soup with the wrong drug.

Dr. Blank delivers their meal. Dr. Arancia glares.

SCP-XXXX: Ay, what's goin' on back there? You figurin' out world peace? Defusin' a bomb?

Dr. Arancia begins to eat.

SCP-XXXX: You hear what I said, I ask him "You figurin' out world peace or defusin' a bomb?"

Dr. Arancia chuckles.

Dr. Blank: Code Black. Check the other channel for details. Hank, we're figuring something out. Stay put and don't panic.

SCP-XXXX: Ay, what's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost or somethin'. I didn't know someone could get paler. You'd give a vampire a run for its money

Dr. Arancia: It's nothing. Just one of those memories that pop into your head at the worst times.

SCP-XXXX: I sure as hell know about those. The ones where you did somethin' embarrassin' and want to forget but it's seared into there.

Dr. Blank: Okay, we're at the nuclear option now. Tackle and restrain it.

Dr. Arancia types into his cellphone.

Dr. Arancia: what the fuck why

Dr. Blank: Lague didn't eat the counter pill and he dropped it in the soup.

Dr. Arancia: youve got to be kidding

Dr. Blank: I'm not.

Dr. Arancia: im not doing that

Dr. Blank: You know what? I will.

Dr. Arancia: do not ill handle it

SCP-XXXX: You good over there Typey McGee?

Dr. Arancia: Yeah sorry, my mom.

SCP-XXXX: Mothers.

Dr. Arancia: Speaking of, are your parents also bears?

SCP-XXXX: Nah I was dropped from a stork into their arms. Yes, they're bears how the hell else would I look like this? We're your parents also pale and twig thin and have receding hairlines?

Dr. Arancia: I'm just asking, sorry for striking a nerve. You live near this joint?

SCP-XXXX: The woods really.

Dr. Arancia: Oh… with the whole you being a bear. I should have guessed that.

SCP-XXXX: You think I live in the woods because I'm a bear? Nah, I just do it to get more connected to the Earth.

Dr. Arancia: Do you identify as anarcho-prim—

SCP-XXXX: Nah I'm straight as an arrow. I don't care about whoever you like though, or anyone for that matter. Live your life is what I say and let no one tell you otherwise. You like the steak?

Dr. Arancia: Those aren't related but that's good to know. Steak's not bad — a bit overdone.

SCP-XXXX: Speaking of, they forgot my butter for the lobster. I'll tell you, they're really losin' their touch. I'm getting…

Dr. Arancia: What?

SCP-XXXX: Em geddin… reeeeally… tired—

SCP-XXXX collapses.

Dir. Lague: Booyah, baby!

Addendum XXXX-2, Post-Containment Debrief: SCP-XXXX was subsequently captured and placed in a standard sapient creature containment chamber. Subsequent tests have not manifested SCP-XXXX's return to SCP-XXXX-1, therefore its connection to the building has been rendered neutralized and the sub-designation is no longer needed.

Interview Log

Date: 21 October 2021

Present: Dr. Henry Arancia (Sapient Anomaly Specialist, Psychology and Parapsychology), Dr. Harold Blank (Archives and Revision), Dir. Paul Lague (Site-322)

Dr. Blank: We're going to break down your containment attempt in a more professional manner one more time. This is going on record, please be thorough.

Dir. Lague: No more booyahs?

Dr. Blank: No more booyahs.

Dir. Lague: Fine. So I realized the restaurant, SCP-XXXX-1, was causing your containment efforts to not work. Pots and pans just don't fling themselves across a room.

Dr. Blank: So, with that in mind…

Dir. Lague: I wondered if I could trick it. Make it think it got me by mixing up the soup pots and causing me to drop my counter pill in there.

Dr. Blank: So, you knew the soups were mixed up?

Dir. Lague: When I first pulled the pot out, no, but when I realized that the building was messing with us. I dropped a placebo in to see if it would calm down. And it did.

Dr. Blank: Why did you have those on you?

Dir. Lague: I carry them with me whenever I bring the pills. I'm a scientist, I experiment.

Dr. Blank: Alright… Why did you think that would work?

Dir. Lague: I didn't really. I was more focused on getting the food out and going with the plan. As I said, it calmed down with the placebo in, so I faked the fainting to see if that would do anything and it completely stopped messing with Wettle and Zaman. The steaks were already covered at that point so it was a matter of waiting.

Dr. Blank: So what I'm hearing is that you were so focused on cooking that bear a meal that you accidentally contained it.

Dir. Lague: Well, when you put it that way I sound like a jackass. But sure, that's about right.

Footnotes