Per 
D-9012 looked at the time. 12:00. This was it. His termination. It had been exactly one month since he had been brought to the Foundation. During that time, he’d seen a lot of shit. From that unkillable reptile… thing, the weird peanut-like statue, that semi-sentient input/output clockwork… the list went on. And now, today, it would all come to an end. Two guards came in. “D-9012, you have been with us for a month. You are to be taken to decommissioning,” they instructed.
With a sigh, he stood up. “It’s been fun, guys,” he said to his cellmates as the two gaurds led him away. First, however, they put blindfolds on him. “Are you kidding me!? I’m gonna get a bullet to my head anyway!” he grumbled.
He didn’t even bother to check which way he was going. He was also silent, though he heard some of the researchers whispering about him. “Am I gonna be Bright’s new host or something?” he inquired to the guards. There was no response. “So… am I going to be forced to play patty-cake with that 3-year old?” There was still no response. “Or am I going to have to have a staring contest with the thing that has social anxiety?” he joked. There was still no response. “Oh God, you aren’t going to use me for that sick thing you do to her, right?!” he stammered.
Now there was a response. “You don’t fit the required profile for that, D-9012,” the guard replied. “And here we are.” With that, D-9012’s blindfold was removed. It was an office. One of the guards opened the door, and pushed him in, before locking the door.
*
“Ah… D-9012. You’ve arrived. Take a seat,” a strange figure instructed. D-9012 did so. There were probably miniguns ready to shred him if he didn’t. “Hello. I am the representative of the SCP Foundation Ethics Committee,” the figure said, introducing themselves. D-9012 snorted. “Yes, it would make sense that you’d have that reaction. However, let me tell you that while the Foundation does cruel things, we have standards. We do evil things because we have to, not because we can. Or did you forget D-9923 and D- 9111? They were Foundation researchers before being demoted to D-class for crimes against humanity. We would’ve killed them, but considering their crimes, we figured it would be best to get some use out of them,” the representative explained.
“So… are you the one who puts a cap in my head?” D-9012 inquired.
The Ethics Committee member chuckled. “No, my good sir. I am tasked with discussing the end-of-month review for D-class personnel. Let’s see here… D-9012, actual name: Daxton Smith. Crime: Multiple charges of homicide. Now, what caught our interest was the lack of regret, despite you having killed over a dozen well-liked members of society. We dug deeper. We soon discovered why you had targeted those twelve men and women. Thus, we chose you for D-class to see if you were of any use to us. And you were. Your file contains several commendations for bravery, self-sacrifice, resourcefulness, and general common sense. And since you have survived this month, I shall now explain how we deal with D-Class who are fortunate enough to last a whole month: The Double TAP protocol.” The committee member pulled out some papers.
“D stands for ‘Dead’. They represent the D-Class personnel who died during their month here. T stands for ‘terminate’. Those D-class Personnel are the ones that survived their month, but are considered extremely dangerous. They are terminated. A stands for Amnestic. D-Class who reach this level are exposed to SCP-999, given Amnestics, and returned to their prison, but with several years shaved off of their sentence. However, exceptional performance of a D-Class is rewarded with their criminal record expunged, exposure to SCP-999, and being released in the general public. And then there’s the final part. P. P stands for Promote. These D-class personnel are given a choice to join the SCP Foundation on a permanent basis. They are exposed to SCP-999, their criminal record is expunged, and they are enlisted into the Foundation.”
The Committee member clasped their hands together. “As you have guessed, most surviving D-class personnel are regulated to T. The others are mostly regulated to A, either phase one or two. However, some of the D-class personnel go above and beyond the call of duty, and are regulated to T. You, Mr. Smith, have been regulated to T.”
D- no, Daxton, picked his jaw up off of the floor. “So I’m not dead?” he inquired.
The Ethics Committee member chuckled and shook their head. “Nope. Now, your history has been reviewed, and here are the job positions that you could apply to. We have janitors, security, and a request to join MTF Tau-9, filed by SCP 2662,” the representative explained.
“2662 is that Cthulhu-looking guy who likes video games, right?” Daxton inquired. “Because I spent quite a bit of time playing games with him last week, and he seemed to like me,” he explained.
The committee representative nodded. “We were testing your resistance to 2662’s involuntary mind control abilities. You are highly resistant, and he put in a personal request.”
Daxton chuckled. “Welp, I’ll take the job!” he declared. “Also… what’s SCP-999?”
The representative nodded, and pressed a button. A sliding wall opened, and an orange blob of goo came out. “Meet SCP-999, also known as the Tickle Monster.”
