Pressed Bunson
rating: 0+x
whiteboard

CAPTION: A photograph of SCP-XXXX’s first known manifestation, taken by an employee of [REDACTED] at some point prior to Incident XXXX-01.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained aboard SCPS Griffin in the Pacific Ocean at longitude 48°52.6′S, latitude 123°23.6′W1. All items previously affected by SCP-XXXX are to be loaded aboard the Griffin, and no non-Foundation personnel are to be allowed within 1,126 km of it. Mobile Task Force Psi-74 (“Riddle Me This”) is to be stationed aboard the Griffin. Per Psi-74 protocols, all MTF personnel must score in the 98th percentile or higher on the SCP Foundation Mental Aptitude Examination or another approved supervised intelligence test2, achieve full marks on a specially-designed test put together by SCP-XXXX's project head, have a reading speed of at least 500 words per minute, and be able to legibly write at least 40 words per minute.

No fewer than six (6) members of MTF Psi-74 are to be in the same room as SCP-XXXX at any given time, and are to have no fewer than four (4) fully functioning dry-erase markers on their person while on duty. In addition, a minimum of ten (10) fully operational dry-erase markers are to be kept in a container immediately adjacent to SCP-XXXX. In the event that Psi-74’s biomedical sensors indicate that at least half of the members of Psi-74 have been incapacitated, or they are otherwise not able to form the requisite team of six (6), the first available Foundation member who meets the membership requirements for Psi-74 and has a Clearance Level of at least 3 is to be given a remote voice connection with Psi-74 and remote access to SCP-XXXX via a remote manipulator arm/"waldo" equipped with a functioning dry-erase marker.

As soon as a new puzzle appears on SCP-XXXX, MTF Psi-74 are to write an answer on the whiteboard as soon as possible. If a new puzzle does not appear within one (1) second of writing an answer, the answer has been deemed incorrect. Personnel are to erase the previous answer, write a new one, and repeat until one of the answers has been deemed correct and a new puzzle appears. The entire process of answering a puzzle must take no more than 1 minute and 17 seconds.

As of Incident-XXXX-06, plans to relocate SCP-XXXX to a manned spacecraft are currently being developed.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a Quartet-brand dry-erase whiteboard measuring 43.18 by 58.42 cm. Infrared spectroscopy reveals its chemical makeup to be virtually identical to other whiteboards of the same brand. SCP-XXXX’s anomalous properties cause riddles, lateral thinking puzzles, and logic puzzles to appear on its surface. When a correct answer is written on the whiteboard with a dry-erase marker, both the puzzle and the answer disappear from the surface of the whiteboard and a new puzzle appears. During the period of time that SCP-XXXX had been under Foundation observation, there has been an increase in difficulty with each new puzzle.

If the puzzle is not answered within a certain time limit (variable from iteration to iteration, see Addendum XXXX-2 for current time limit), an event hereinafter referred to as a Linguistic Replacement Event (LRE) takes place: all text, audio recordings which contain linguistic content, and any form of language recorded via any other means within SCP-XXXX’s radius of effect (hereinafter “linguistic record”), whether stored in an analog or digital format, will be replaced with replicas of the puzzle which currently on SCP-XXXX. This also applies to any linguistic record brought within or created within SCP-XXXX’s radius of effect. Bringing a linguistic record outside of SCP-XXXX’s radius of effect will not revert the record to its previous state. Writing a correct answer on SCP-XXXX’s surface or adding it to any linguistic record which has undergone an LRE causes a new puzzle to appear again. Any new puzzle which appears on SCP-XXXX’s surface will also appear within any linguistic record which has undergone an LRE. After every LRE, the radius of effect for the next LRE becomes ten (10) times larger, and the time limit becomes five (5) times shorter.

Addendum XXXX-1:
The following is a list of all recorded LRE occurrences, filed as Incidents XXXX-01 through 06.

Time elapsed Radius of effect Aftermath/Notes
1 week (presumed) 11.27 m The first known LRE. Affected all linguistic records within the the Quality Assurance laboratory of [REDACTED] (a dry pigments production company in Cincinnati, Ohio). The Foundation seized SCP-XXXX and transferred it to a 100m2 containment room in Site-75.
2 days, 1 hour, 55 minutes, and 12 seconds 112.65 m All linguistic records in the east wing of Site-75 were affected by the LRE. SCP-XXXX transferred to the previously abandoned Microsite-5601 in a remote area of Nebraska.
13 hours, 26 minutes, and 24 seconds 1.13 km A billboard off the side of State Route ██ was found to be affected by an LRE. It was at this point that the variations in size of SCP-XXXX’s radius of effect were first understood to be an exponential increase. In light of this, MTF Psi-74 was created and SCP-XXXX was transferred aboard the SCPS Griffin, which was navigated to its current location. Patrol boats were placed around the hypothesized circumference of the next radius of effect, and underwater markers were placed below the ship every meter to test whether SCP-XXXX’s area of effect extended to its full radius in all directions.
2 hours, 41 minutes and 16 seconds 11.27 km SCP-XXXX’s radius of effect confirmed to increase by a factor of ten (10) and extend in all directions. Patrol boats were placed around the predicted circumference of the next radius of effect.
32 minutes and 15 seconds 112.65 km Due to the increased difficulties foreseen in containing SCP-XXXX, its object class was upgraded from Euclid to Keter. Patrol boats were placed around the predicted circumference of the next radius of effect.
6 minutes and 27 seconds 1,126.54 km Patrol boats remained in the same circumference, as cordoning off the area affected by SCP-XXXX’s next predicted area of effect would be impractical at best and impossible at worst.

Addendum XXXX-2:

From the Desk of John Fleming, Site-75 Director

As of Incident-06 on November 30th, the cultural legacy of our entire species, as well as the potential legacy of every generation still to come, is hanging but from a thread.

For those of you not aware of our current situation, puzzles originating from SCP-XXXX, which have been getting progressively harder, must now be solved in a mere 1 minute and 17 seconds or else a Linguistic Replacement Event will be triggered, which will affect all text within a radius of 11,265.41 km. In case the severity of our plight isn’t obvious: at any given time, we are approximately one minute away from having all written material and all recordings of our voice on the entire planet rendered useless.

Not only will this affect all currently existing linguistic records, it will also put an end to the ability of any future generation, whether from a culture that lives on this Earth now or is yet to arise, to write anything. At all. Pictures seem to be unaffected, but the moment any representation of information is tied to or represents a language, it will be instantly rendered null and void.

I trust I don’t need to explain any further how severely this will impact us as a species.

To that end, it is absolutely critical that we minimize the impact of SCP-XXXX by any means possible. Gehring and his team recommended destroying it, but for all we know, that could just trigger an LRE earlier than expected. Angelein Muyskens, from our engineering department, came close to a workable idea— she recommended loading SCP-XXXX onto an unmanned rocket, forcing it as far away from Earth as possible, and forgetting about it— but if sapient life exists beyond our little blue marble, and if they’re writing things down, I don’t want them to lose all of that just because some apes that they don’t even know couldn’t solve a riddle. (And anyways, leaving SCP-XXXX unattended and unable to /be/ attended indefinitely is a bad idea by any stretch of the imagination, as even if it’s out of sight, its sphere of influence would catch up with us eventually.)

She was on the right track, though, in her attempt to tackle the problem of distance. To that end, she and I have put together a proposal with one goal in mind: put together a long-ranged manned spacecraft, load it up with a suitable crew and SCP-XXXX, and keep it away from us. Details are enclosed.

Is it a perfect plan? No, and I’m open to suggestions if someone else has any better ideas. But we cannot sit and twiddle our thumbs idly while the fate of such an integral part of who we are is on the line. Even if we’re not loading it onto a spaceship, we have to do something. Loading it up on a ship and sending it to the most remote point in our Earth’s ocean and putting all those other safeguards in place were precautions which at the time may have come across as overkill to contain something that seems like just a whiteboard, but they are now not enough.

It’s not a whiteboard. It was never just a whiteboard.

— JOHN FLEMING
SCP-XXXX PROJECT HEAD