Per 
[rating temporarily removed]
Hello, my name is Agent Uberto Nathan Owen and this is my sign language interpreter Dr. Linda Stone
Hi
You might be wondering why a member of the Foundations private military force is introducing you to your new job. Well, that's because I'll also be your martial arts instructor! Starting tomorrow you'll learn hand-to-hand combat and staff fighting, after all, your gun could jam and you'll need to be able to improvise a weapon like your mop. No, this wasn't a joke.
Trust me, you'd know: he's got terrible dad humor!
Linda!
What? I'm only trying to help! Anyway, your job will be dangerous. And just like how the ethics committee, yes we have that, runs catering…
Don't you mean ketering?
…Because good food has become an ethical obligation, so does the private military run the janitorial branch to prepare you for said danger: we have plenty of dangerous chemicals and micro-organisms that could cause disasters if they got out.
And if any of them breach containment, the entire area will be off-limits for everyone but you, until it can be reclaimed.
Which is where you come in. You will reclaim lost areas, rescue personnel trapped inside and clean up the mess in the process.
If it's unclear where your duties start: if an entity escapes, we'll send in Agents of course. If said entity makes a mess, you'll be sent in as well. If said mess is anomalous, your work will be the most important part of the recontainment process.
Unless it's too dangerous for even the most qualified of you, the Roombas handle that. Speaking of: Nate, would you elaborate on the qualifications, Please?
Of course, those of you who are of perfect health might have noticed the unusual amount of disabled people in the room. Maybe you haven't, in which case you now know why I brought Dr. Stone. Maybe you haven't questioned it because the Foundation is always looking for the best of the best and can't effort to discriminate against anyone, although I am wondering where you would find the best of the best janitors. Either way, it's actually by design: People with sensory disabilities are invaluable to us!
If an entity escapes and draws pictures with cognitohazardous red- and green shades, or graffiti that eats everyone who sees it, on the walls, we're obviously only going to send in people who are at least colorblind. Same goes for other memetic hazards.
And no, these are not horror stories, but real skips. I see how this might be overwhelming for you, after all, most of you are just civilians who've been exposed to anomalies and couldn't reasonably be amnestisiced. Yes, we can wipe your memories, but that's another can of worms entirely. We usually at least have the thoughtfulness to hire military vets and the like, but see it this way: everyone working at the Foundation is one of the most important people in the world by default, no matter their assignment, and not many can say that they work with the best of the best to protect humanity!
Not that you could brag about that, since you have to be careful when interacting with the general public now, but it's the thought that counts!
Don't worry too much, you'll get plenty of non-anomalies messes to clean up too. For instance, there's been another outbreak of SCP-666½-J and we'll need every man on the toilets.
NOW!
