Per 
An artist's rendition of SCP-2816-J
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2816-J cannot be contained.
As per the Foundation-mandated guidelines of Containment Order 867-5309, neutralization of SCP-2816-J is of the highest utmost priority.
There is no direct way of knowing where exactly SCP-2816-J manifests into our reality, as SCP-2816-J could do so at any given time, in any region on Earth. As such, Procedure-69 Thyoph has been instituted as a theoretical elimination procedure for when SCP-2816-J manifests in it's full form upon the mortal plane (designated as an ██████ Event).
Procedure-69 Thyoph: The following procedure must only be executed if and when SCP-2816-J has fully manifested upon the Earth in it's true form. Procedure-69 Thyoph consists of simultaneous weapons bombardments from six locations across the globe.
- Procedure-69 Thyoph-Ass: 420 satellites positioned in Low-Earth-Orbit are to deliver concentrated beams of Belle Delphine Gamer Girl Bath Water™, positioned upon SCP-2816-J's origin of appearance.
- Procedure-69 Thyoph-Bitch: SCP-████1 will be retrieved and strapped onto a Foundation-Operated Intercontinental Ballistic Missile. The ICBM will then be launched remotely by O5-█ and guided towards SCP-2816-J's location.
- Procedure-69 Thyoph-Cuck: Former 44th President of the United States of America, "Barack Obama Barack", will be transported to Site-420. There, he will use a microphone that will transmit his voice to 156 Decibel speakers centered on SCP-2816-J's area of manifestation. Obama will then use the N-word multiple times until SCP-2816-J has been confirmed as neutralized.
- Procedure-69 Thyoph-Dildo: Mobile Task Force Omega-69 "10 Big Hot Men" will engage upon SCP-2816-J's location, using any method deemed necessary to bring it down.
- Procedure-69 Thyoph-Erection: [SYSTEM ERROR; TOO GAY]
- Procedure-69 Thyoph-FUCK: The current Pope of the Roman Catholic Church will unleash "The Wrath of [DATA EXPUNGED] upon SCP-2816-J's point of manifestation.
Description: SCP-2816-J is the physical manifestation of █████ ███ Pokay████ ███████ ███████-sama FRS. Unlike most other anomalous entities the Foundation is aware about, SCP-2816-J manifests on a higher dimensional plane, where physical matter and known laws of physics are altered to a large and unknown degree. As such, SCP-2816-J has been classified as a 🜾-Class Sapient Reality Bender, and is presumed to exist on a trans-dimensional plane 100 or more planes above baseline reality.
SCP-2816-J is capable of transmuting our baseline reality however much it wishes. These can occur in as small or as massive changes as possible. SCP-2816-J has been known to always carry with him one half-meter tall axe made of solid diamond, and enchanted using many rituals to make it even stronger. This axe, hereafter referred to as SCP-2816-J-1, has been named by SCP-2816-J as "asspenis 8"2
SCP-2816-J is currently undergoing a full manifestation upon baseline reality. Currently, there is no possible way to deter the occurrence from happening, or theorizing when it will happen. The last recorded manifestation of SCP-2816-J was on August 21, 2017, during the North American Solar Eclipse occurring at the time (See Addendum-2816-J.3).
Since SCP-2816-J's first manifestation in 1956, he has gained well over one thousand different charges of criminal activity in over 100 countries on Earth. The incomplete list of these activities are as follows:
- 67 counts of Third Degree Murder
- 22 counts of Larceny
- 71 counts of Public Intoxication
- 21 counts of Embezzlement
- 36 counts of Arson
- 37 counts of Second Degree Murder
- 49 counts of First Degree Murder
- 74 counts of Prostitution
- 69 counts of GAY
- 420 counts of Drug Possession
- 1 count of Voter Fraud
- 21 counts of Petty Theft
- 50 counts of Tax Fraud
- Drove without a license over 15 times
- Caught in possession of an assault weapon in a school ███ times
- Being extremely buff
- Bringing back the word "broad"
- Forgiving ███████ Mc█████ of his sins while doing the ████ ████ █████
With all of these factors attributed, SCP-2816-J is the most powerful reality bender on Foundation record, well surpassing SCP-3812 in all aspects.
Addendum 2816-1: Discovery
SCP-2816-J was never fully brought to Foundation awareness until May 12th, 1956, where SCP-2816-J began to carry out terrorist attacks on the country of Uganda. This action repeated four more times up until November 14, 1987, when the actions inexplicably stopped.
Since then, SCP-2816-J has mainly been only spotted in the city of Chicago, Illinois. It has been widely accepted that SCP-2816 also hosts a criminal organization within Chicago, carrying out odd deeds for unknown purposes. Through interrogation of ███ individuals associated with assisting SCP-2816-J in and around the Chicago Metropolitan Area, the Foundation has estimated that SCP-2816-J will enter baseline reality once every 3 months.
Mobile Task Force Omega-69 ("10 Big Hot Men") were tasked to locate and capture SCP-2816 on ███ ██, 19██, who was at the time located in the downtown area of Chicago.
