REDESERT - SCP Sandbox III

REDESERT

Critique sandbox:

Hello the ravenous! let's take another look.

More secrets:

The concept:

Elevator Pitch:

Plays "dream sweet in sea major" every time a sentient species goes extinct.
lyrics will be sung in the species preferable language.
The signal's origin cannot be traced.
it can only be received on devices that use radio frequencies, and cannot be recorded.
The transmission uses a wave length capable of traveling faster than light and cannot be replicated.
only 4 transmission have been intercepted.
occasionally, the operator will broadcast a message in various languages.

Overall I would say most of my previous issues still stand, the concept overall still feels a bit lazy considering all of these effects just kind of happen, and can't be replicated or explained. I'm still unsure on what the skips motives are, or how its effects truely work. There doesn't seem too much around anything, which makes the concept a bit hard to follow.

As for the frequency of the messages, I don't think 4 is enough for the Foundation to really look too deep into anything. Considering the skips effects only manifest at certain times on radio frequencies, the Foundation would need to be watching for that particular broadcast, at a particular time. Even if they did manage to catch the transmission, I'm still not 100% sure if the Foundation would realise its anomalous nature.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: The foundation intercepts a transmission of a song from an unknown source. following its intended location Alpha Centauri. After a period of ███ years, a large scale solar ejection was detected, with multiple planets ingulfed in a large radiation storm. with several others were intercepted.

The transmission was discovered after Nikola was testing the first radio device however, due to problems with the device. the transmission was not properly received. However, Nikola announced it to be "Martians".

As for the narrative, I'm a little unsure of whats going on? from what I understand the "transmission", is intercepted before a solar storm? though, nothing actually seems to go extinct. Which feels contradictory to the skips effects, along with that, there doesn't seem to be much else on how the other transmissions were received. -It's a bit too vague for me. Overall, the story feels a bit disjointed and confusing, as the details given contradict themselves a bit, plus, the solar storm feels a bit out of place. -It doesn't really cause any extinctions, and it doesn't really seem to affect anything overall?

-I'm also not sure how the Foundation made the connection between one transmission and a solar storm? seems like a long shot considering this "solar storm" took place over a couple years, and is largely unrelated to the song itself.

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The operator of the signal, it will attempt to comfort Via the transmission. The exact amount transmissions from the operator is unknown but it appears the operator has done this countless times. Currently how the entity is aware of sentient life and their extinction events. The operator will occasionally broadcast a message in various languages. since discovery, only 7 messages have been recorded.

with the first instance being unintentionally found by Nickola tesla (more on that). The operator only briefly broadcasted a message in English: "you will not be forgotten". Due to the fact the operator seems to posses innate knowledge of the universe and had been dubbed "the watcher".

I'm not sure how the Foundation will find all of this out? considering its almost impossible track down or really communicate with it, it's doesn't seem to be addressed in the story either? Another thing that got me a bit is the message recordings, Wasn't it impossible to record the transmissions?

Red or green?
For now I will still be holding off on a greenlight, while I do think there is potential here, I feel the skip is still a ways off.

You know the drill in terms of additional critiques. While PMs are the fastest way to let me know about things, I am on IRC from time to time. With that said, the butterfly squad is a great choice for second takes:)

Cheers,

-The Desert

Heres the link to the thread:

http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-13578963/someone-cares

Hello golemn! let's take a look.

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: A chocolate egg with a plastic toy capsule inside. Opening the plastic capsule reveals another, same sized chocolate egg with the same properties. It seems infinite, but there is a deadly final result. the repeated reality altering eventually builds into a reality explosion that injures Foundation personnel.

My biggest concern here is that this feels like a "thing that does a thing", as the effects seem to take all of the attention. There isn't much time spent on the skips inherent purpose/reason to exist, or the Foundations initial interactions (or reasons to test it in the first place). I'm not sure why the egg is chocolate, why it has these effects or how the Foundation came across it in the first place. -All of these things seem to be left out in favour of the effects.

The next concern I have is with the eggs effects, the only thing it really does it injure/kill people. The effect feels bit left field considering so little is known about the skip, which results in it feeling a bit disjointed and unneeded.- The skip still seems to be relying on “it kills/injures people”, for audience attention, which concerns me considering this focus is fairly overused and imo a bit uninteresting.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: None, I want to keep this short The central narrative is about the investigation of the incident described above, with a Senior researching lamenting the damage that could have been prevented with proper handling.

There isn't enough context here, the story seems to be based around internal issues that appeared after testing/discovery. I'm not given any insight as why it was being tested, how it was found or who was involved with this "incident". Overall, it feels like a portion of the story is missing, as there isn't much of a lead up to anything, rather a researcher reflecting on an isolated incident (that in all honesty, doesn't really help me understand the skip).

The other issue I have is with the stories lack of emotion and tone, I'm finding it hard to become invested or stay interested as the story doesn't make me feel/think anything. This somewhat contributes to the skip feeling like a "thing that does a thing".

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: I want to use this to question the idea of a 'Safe' SCP, and remind readers that they are only 'Safe' if contained with proper containment procedures. Treating any anomalous object too lightly can still be dangerous.

I also want this to act as a bit of a link between the fun/silly SCPs and the grimdark SCPs, both of which have plenty of examples.

While I'm not oppose to this idea, the whole "safe object that can do dangerous things" has been done a fair bit already, this isn't to say it can't be done though. I think my biggest concern with the hook is the skips inclusion (or lack there of), the concept seems to be more focused on communicating/linking other things together, rather than focusing on the skip itself.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. Overall, I would recommend you give both the skip and story more detail, as currently the story lacks an arc and the skip only seems to be detailing the effects.

If you would like me to give this further advice/feedback, then feel welcome to shoot me a PM or ask via IRC. response times generally range from 2-12 hours over PMs. If your looking for additional critiques in general, then I couldn't recommend the Butterfly squad more:)

Cheers,

-The Desert

Hello Salty Beagle! let's take a look :)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: This is an old building with no real history, that holds paranormal properties. It holds the appearance of an old farm house. The idea though is that once a person enters the facility, all negative emotions they hold wash over them. This then leads to their fears and/or emotions becoming manifest within the household, which can then cause physical harm to them. The creatures conjured cannot leave the facility, and tend to disappear once the subject is either dead, insane, or has somehow left the premises.

My biggest concern here is that this comes of as your run of the mill haunted house, though the effects are certainly more unique, I wouldn't say that I'm confident in them. As they seem to fall into a "it'll kill you" or a "it'll make you go insane" cliche. Personally, its something I've seen done a fair bit, and it imo it comes across as a quick way to grab audience attention.

Along with this, the house isn't given much else than the effects, I'm interested to know why the house is like this, or what its history is (what happened at this "farm house"). What are its motives, its purpose? -Adding in these details could help the skip distance itself from the afore mentioned cliches, as you would be establishing a genuine reason for its actions/effects.- Saying the house has no history feels like a quick way to avoid explaining the skip further, I would recommend you give its history some thought.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: Discovered within the Willamette forest of Oregon, the house quickly became apparent to the agent that it was not just an abandoned house. Panic instantly set in as they scanned the dark, dingy room for a source of whatever seemed to be watching them. Shadows seemed to dart out of the corner of their eyes as they searched frantically. Stepping back nervously, the fear of being buried alive flickered among their thoughts briefly. That's when the agent discovered that something had begun wrapping around their legs, and began quickly pulling them into the dirt floor.

Screams erupted over the audio feed from the agents headset, followed by muffled panic and then static. The doors were quickly flung open by two additional agents, who only found the house now empty.

From what I understand you plan to have this an an exploration log. which in of itself is fine, though I'm not seeing much else around that. The story seems to be missing a setup and payoff, as the Foundation already seems to found the skip/started to experiment. The story also seems to be missing an overarching plot/arc, which makes it a bit hard to see this as a story (it more or less feels like an isolated event at the moment).- as a result of this, I'm not given really given enough time to empathise with the characters, so their deaths don't really leave an impact on me.

I'm a little confused on how the Foundation came across it to begin with, as this house itself is off the grid, and you would need to actively explore to find the anomaly in the first place. Along with this, I'm unsure of why the Foundation didn't send in a D-class first. Assuming they would be unsure of the skips effects, it sounds a bit more reasonable to send someone expendable in first.

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Creepy building that can make your fears and negative thoughts amplified, that can then manifest.

The hook concerns me a bit, considering the only thing of note here is a "spooky house". There isn't much that really makes this unique and/or interesting. As there are already a fair few SCPs that are based around haunted houses.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. Overall I' would you recommend you give the some more detail, look into the houses history, the characters and their fears ect. I feel this article has potential, though currently it seems to fall into a few cliches.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13606895/the-dark-house

Hello MapleDraws! let's take a look:)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: The SCP seems to be a small void/black hole type thing, that deletes any matter that makes contact with it.

Overall this is very vague. The only thing in pitch are the effects, there doesn't seem to be anything that hints at the skips origins/purpose or the Foundations interactions with it. To add on, the anomaly doesn't really feel like much an anomaly. Considering blackholes already do that sort of thing irl, I'm unsure of what makes the skip unique and/or attention grabbing, as the effect isn't really 'anomalous' per se. In general, the skips effects feel way to op, the skip pretty much causes the end of the world, with nothing that can really counteract it. Overall, this feels a little bit lazy, as it just makes the skip dangerous for the sake of being dangerous, there doesn’t seem to be a reason behind it.

Comrade Waldo has pointed out most of my other concerns with the concept. As the language choice doesn't support a clinical tone, and the all round lack of info on both the skip and narrative cause this to more or less become a "thing that does a thing".

-You might find the following link helpful:

http://www.scpwiki.com/how-to-write-an-scp

The narrative:

Central Narrative: At the end of the article it cuts off in the middle of an addendum and switches to a small story, told from first person, about how this anomaly caused the end of the world. and how the character dies at the end.

This isn't really a story, there doesn't seem to be any first, second or third act here. All thats really explained is the the "story" ends abruptly, and then a short first person story starts. There doesn't seem to any progression of events here, and as a result I'm left confused on why/how all of this is happening. I would highly recommend you go into more detail about the narrative, as currently, there really isn't much here to critique or keep my interest for that matter.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. -The concept is too vague for me to really become invested/interested. Overall, I would recommend you give the story more detail, try to think about what you want to the feel and how will achieve that. As for the concept, I would recommend you explain more about the effects themselves, look into why the skip is here and what the Foundations initial reactions to it are.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13610876/seeking-greenlight-is-this-how-it-ends

Hello Teho2k2, let's take a look.

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator pitch: A no-named ship makes you jump of the bridge if you stare too long through it's bridge windows and also makes you start speaking a language you don't know.

My first concern is that this more or less feels like a "thing that does a thing", as there is no information given on why the skip might be like this, how it go so run down and what its history could be. The only thing thats really given attention here are the effects, which alone, will not be able to carry the article.

Compulsion SCPs have been done a fair bit on the site already. And they tend lose audience interest, as they more or less act as a plot device. The effect takes away from the characters and story, as they are essentially forced into situations for the sake of the story/skip.- generally speaking, its a safer bet to have the characters own decisions be their downfall, its easier to relate to them that way, which makes it easier to become emotionally invested.

-As for the "language", it feels a bit disjointed/unnecessary, its no really referenced after the pitch. Why exactly it important, what does it have to do with the ship and how does it impact the story?

The narrative:

Central Narrative: SCP-XXXX was found in the Gulf of Mexico in 1996 by the crew of 'M/V Petersburg', an oil tanker. The bulk-carrier has no anchors, no anchor winches, no UHF antenna for radio communication and looks very similar to a Yugoslavian ship called 'M/V Malinska'. However, some differences stick out, such as the ship is longer than 'M/V Malinska' and it's number 2 crane is broken. Upon entering the superstructure, and standing on the bridge, any person will experience visual and audiotorial hallucinations, ranging in intensity by two factors: what connection do they have to the sea and how long they've been on the bridge. In worst case scenario, you start screaming and you run out of the superstructure to the bow and back, but this time you climb the superstructure to it's 35 meter peak and kill yourself by jumping off.
Those who survive the hallucinations never speak English again and try to board the ship and if left with supervision, commit suicide.

This more or less sounds like a more detailed EP, other than a very brief discovery, there really isn't much of a first, second or third act. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this either, as the "story" doesn't seem to have much of a theme or much tone, overall it left me a bit uninterested as the "story" didn't give me any more insight into the skip, and the "events" weren't emotionally engaging. -more so felt like the "suicide" was there to shock the audience, (do note that suicide isn't a story telling technique) it shouldn't be used to garner audience attention.

I would highly recommend you start work on developing a narrative, as the current rendition doesn't really pass as a story. Narratives can help with audience engagement, and they can further explain the skip. Modern audiences tend to favour skips with a narrative, with has lead to them becoming the standard.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.- Overall I would recommend you put more detail into the skip itself, try to think about history and/or look for ways to link the effects back to the skip. I would highly recommend you try to distance the concept from "compulsion" in general, as its not often received well.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Heres the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13612324/no-named-ship

Hello O_67! let's take a look! :)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: From descriptions of many unfortunate souls that have encountered this anomaly, the entire building is a wonderland of a trap. Inside the building, you will find each floor covered in columns of toys and workers that look like walking mannequins, constantly polishing, and fixing toys within the store. These workers wear purple aprons and blue pants with a yellow shirt. At the entrance of the store, you would find a purple and white sign reading "Choose at your own risk". Victims that do try and pick up a toy or tamper with it will alert the workers who then run at the exact person that tampered with one of the toys and start tearing at their limbs and flesh and begin stuffing their body inside a new modern toy with a tag that has their name on it, still alive but unable to move on a shelf.

Well, to put it simply, I quite like this concept. Though with that said, I take issue with the sheer amount of detail this goes into. As the pitch seems to value the skips rules/effects over the story and other relevant(ish) info, such as possible motives and a reason as to why the store has (presumably) remained undiscovered for a while -(more on this later). -Do note that these details are not vital to the article however, I feel in this case, your skip would benefit a "purpose" of sorts. Currently the lack of info around it makes it feel a bit unrealistic.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: In New York City, Manhattan the foundation was investigating strange disappearance near a toy store and dispatch a group of MTF to its location and a few other personnel. Soon after the MTF enter, every one of them felt a strange feeling about the place even though it was colorful and lit up after 5 minutes of staying inside and searching. They then each procced to search each of the isles. After a few minutes of searching they all run into a worker that was just roaming the 2nd floor of the store. It just stood there and stared at them with a look as if it knew they were each going to die. After the encounter, one MTF headed for the 1st floor. He looked around and noticed a toy train that his son wanted for Christmas, as he got more curious about the toy he didn't notice he was also pulling on the blanket under it while leaning toward it and soon it fell while at the same time a worker turned at his direction. Seconds later he let out a scream and soon after the rest of the squad ran up to his floor but were too late. They looked around but couldn't find him. They did notice that there was a new toy on that shelf but ignored it. Minutes later, something from out of the shadows grab 2 of the other members by their legs and pulled them to the top floor at incredible speed as they each screamed their lungs out. The last member barely got out of there as outside personnel saw the MTF running out of the store with a plastic arm starting to grab him as he screamed out "HELP ME!". The investigation soon stops and containment of the anomaly will soon be underway.

I feel like the story is lacking a little, as there seems to be a little too much focus on the MTF team. The entire story can more or less be described as an exploration log, which is fine however, there doesn't seem to be much of a payoff here (and if I'm being honest, I don't think the setup is strong enough either).

The Foundation steps in weirdly early? why/how would one, seemly random disappearance attract the Foundations attention?. This sounds like a job for authorities more than anything. Even then, I'm surprised a disappearance was what got the Foundations attention, as these "workers" just kind of roam around freely. Wouldn't they have been spotted and reported, considering this is in New-York, it feels weird that was left undiscovered.

As for the payoff, the story ends with the containment procedures being underway, which feels odd considering the article (most likely), wouldn't be published until containment procedures were established and enacted. It feels like a quick way to get out of explaining more about the skip, and as a result, the story/article as whole feels a unfinished.

I feel like the MTF team going into an unknown SCP, with no prior tests done, falls into the "MTF team gets picked off" cliche. It sort of felt like this team was sent in for the express purpose of showcasing the skips effects.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.- overall, this isn't far off from a greenlight. I would recommend you cut back on explaining the skips effects/rules in such detail, and focus more on the story, what you want the audience to feel and how that could be conveyed. The skip itself sounds pretty good to me, though I feel it lacks a purpose.

If you would like me to give this further advice/feedback, then feel welcome to shoot me a PM or ask via IRC. response times generally range from 2-12 hours over PMs.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13613628/requires-greenlight-1-the-toy-store

Hello Jack pleasant! lets take a look:)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: SCP-XXXX is a tall, malnourished, humanoid being with a split down the middle of it's face and black claws up to two metres long. It shows signs of telekinesis, and can open instances of SCP-XXXX-1, a pocket dimension with only a blue tunnel that loops around.
SCP-XXXX traps it's victims in SCP-XXXX-1, skins them, makes them floats to the ceiling in agony and then creates a time loop, allowing the previous victims watch themselves die forever.*

The effects here feel quite disjointed, as there doesn't seem to be any reason why the skip can do these things. The telekinesis and pocket dimension are the most prominent examples of this, neither of these two effects relate back to each other, the story or the skip. Which in tern, makes them feel necessary and out of place. -One major effect should be enough, having too many major effects can cause the skip to feel op, or cause the focus to be lost. I would recommend you chose one major effect, and make that the focus, try thinking about how the Foundation would interact with it and how this would affect the skip itself.

On top of that, the effects are really the only thing given any attention, I don't have any insight into its history, motives or the Foundations interactions with it, this more or less just feels like your run of the mill murder monster. As there doesn't seem to be much behind it, If I took the "dangerous" aspect, away from the skip then it would just be a grotesque looking humanoid with odd effects that imo, don't match up. I would recommend you try looking more into the skip itself, what gives it an edge? what makes it different? what makes it interesting/attention grabbing?

The narrative

Central Narrative: Exploration Log

This is too vague for me to critique, there isn't any outline of a narrative or basic idea of what you want to do here. Exploration logs can be apart of a story, though they themselves cannot carry an article/story alone. There isn't much of setup here, as the story starts after the Foundation has discovered the skip, been around it long enough to know it creates pocket dimensions and has already found a reason to send people in. The payoff also isn't given much time, as there doesn't seem to be anything learnt from the exploration, what doe the Foundation end up doing in the end. overall, I'm not sure why its being explored? what happens in this exploration and how that affects the Foundations understanding/interactions with the skip.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13616024/blue-tunnel

Hello Fliaflafla! let's take a look! :)

The secrets of the desert:

+ show block

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13620516/din-of-the-drums

follow up:

Heyo follow up!

More secrets:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: A set of two timpani which can be heard from any distance when struck. Manufactured by Yamaha and acquired by the London Symphony Orchestra in 2008. Furthermore, and in response to critique, the drums themselves are meant to serve as a vessel to ground the story and keep it from getting too esoteric, as opposed to drumming without a source.

While I can see you have elaborated on this more, the pitch here feels more like background information than anything else, as the time and place it was created don't really add anything to the skip/story. The info given here should at least offer some insight into the its purpose, or relate back to the skip itself in some way, what about this information is important and how does that effect the story?

The narrative:

Central Narrative: Caused mass hysteria when played due to worldwide reach. Took the foundation a long time to locate the source of the drumming. The foundation initially believed the drumming to be without a source, and had to make up all kinds of excuses such as earthquakes and construction to quell suspicion. Only when the drumming was found to coincide with LSO concerts was the source of the terrifying drumming found to be nothing more than two fluke timpani, which were contained in 2019.

As for your story, I'm still not really seeing much of a payoff, as the Foundation pretty much looks around, eventually finds the thing and then contains it. Even though they face issues in covering up why there is random drumming, It still doesn't feel like enough of a conflict imo. Perhaps they run into issues finding it due to the owner realising its anomalous, which results in the Foundation needing to be more and more aggressive in their efforts to find it.

Red or green?
For now I'm still going to say no Greenlight. While I think there has been improvement, I would still say its a little ways off. Overall, try linking the purpose and manufacturing information back to the skip itself, try to find a reason why including that would be important. The story here could benefit from more of a conflict, the events feel a bit stale to me considering the Foundation only really goes on a search party for it. The skip still gives me "thing that does thing vibes", as there isn't much done with the skip, its more of a; anomaly is causing an issue, the Foundation finds eventually tracks it down, then the world resumes being normal.

With that said, feel free to let me know if/when you decide to elaborate on this further. Response times range from 2-12 hrs over PMs. Do note the butterfly squad is a great place for second takes if your looking for more critters. :)

Cheers,

-The Desert

Hello infamous smile! let's take a look:)

the secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator pitch: Basically he's a giant pink man with an armoured* body and giant sword who can heal anybody but depending on your past action he will most likely do 1 of three things heal you and make you stronger or faster if you're an amazing person, just heal you normally if you're a regular person but if your evil it would heal your body but mess with your mind or might heal you so much you disappear

The skips effects seem to take most of the focus, which does concern me as the effects will not be able to carry this article alone. As a result of all the focus being on the effects, the rest of skip seems to lack an explanation. I'm confused as to why its pink?, what its purpose/motives are, why/how it has this "sword" and what constitutes as being a "bad" or "good" person. Imo those categories are fairly broad/vague, not to mention "good" and "bad" is bijective.- There isn't really a way to pass an absolute, hands down judgment on it.

Overall the skip seems to have "x-man syndrome", which is essentially where the skip becomes more of a "super-powered human", rather than an SCP. This issue is one of my biggest concerns here, as the pitch sounded closer to a "super-powered human", rather than an SCP. Most of my concerns with this particular aspect have been covered by Riemann.

Another issue that arises here are the Foundations interactions with it (or lack there of), I'm not sure how the Foundation discovers the skip or how they interact with it in general.- This is more of a narrative issue though.

Should be noted that humanoids are among the hardest SCPs to write, as they are very prone to falling into cliches. I would recommend you look at shelving this for the time being, and coming back to it when you've got a little more experience in working skips.

The narrative:

central narrative:temporary none

I would highly recommend you start working on a narrative. While it isn't required for a successful article, they keep audience engagement and can further explain the skip. Modern audiences tend to favour narratives, which has more or less lead to them becoming the standard.

hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber the punished healer had been around for centuries and when is around children is treated as an uncle even tho he is very big and odd looking and seem to immune to many other SCP like scp-049 and scp-035 and seem to b aware of many SCP’S that not even the foundation is aware of and believe he is always healing people even when the person dies.

The links to famous SCPs concerns me, the article shouldn't be relying on name drops for attention. As it will take away focus from your skip, and turn the article in a "what would [insert SCP here] do in [insert situation here]". To add on to this, the SCPs listed here don't feel necessary or relevant to the your skip. They're kind of just there to be there? -I would recommend you try to avoid cross linking for now, as it can be quite finicky (not to mention that linking to famous SCPs isn't really received to well).

Other than the crosslinks, this doesn't look like much of a hook? it didn't really give anything attention grabbing per se, more so it gave additional info on the skip. Overall I'm not sure why its interaction with children would be important, its not really related to anything else, and its not really brought up again.

Notes:

Addition Notes I suffer from dyslexia, so I probably made a hundred of spelling or grammar error

I did notice that there is a lack of punctuation in the pitch, in any case, I would recommend you look over your post to double check everything makes grammatical sense. As bad spelling/grammar can make it harder to be taken seriously.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. Overall, I would recommend you look at shelving this for the time being.

Though If you do want to continue this regardless, then here's what I feel needs work- The skip currently doesn't seem to have much behind it, the only thing I really have to go by are the effects, (that personally, don't really grab my attention to begin with). I would recommend you add in narrative as soon as possible (it will help immensely), and look into the skip itself more. what are its motives, why is it the way it is ect.

With that said, feel free to let me know if/when you decide to elaborate on this further (or if you have a new concept in general). Response times range from 2-12 hrs over PMs. Do note the butterfly squad is a great place for second takes if your looking for more critters. :)

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13621902/judge-my-scp-idea-the-punished-healer

Hello Melerann! let's take a look :)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: The basic idea is that it appears as a Children's shape sorter cube, depending on interactions it kills either the user or one of the users family members, and if long enough goes by without someone interacting with it, it will teleport away. However on rare instances it seems to communicate telepathically with someone after they play with the puzzle pieces, and then terminates them too. Until one day it communicates with someone and after they don't get killed.

This seems to come off as a "thing that does a thing", the effects and motives of the skip isn't given enough detail to really make sense. I'm unsure of how it kills people, why it kills people (or family members?), how it was found and what its looking for. The setup and premise here have potential, though there isn't much of a payoff, which in tern, makes the pitch feel unfinished.

-The killing aspect feels a bit unjustified, as the skip doesn't have any real reason to be doing it. It feels like a quick way of getting audience attention, and/or finding a way to "rase the stakes". Personally, I find it rather uninteresting. -'Dangerous' doesn't always mean interesting, there are many ways to tell a story without relying on something being 'dangerous'.

-The telepathy aspect of the skip concerns me as well, as it feels a bit disjointed and left field. There isn't much of a reason why it does this, or how it can do this in the first place. From what I can see, it looks like a quick way to justify why people can communicate with it.

-Finally, the whole disappearing act is an issue for me. It isn't really mentioned again, and more over, it feels like a way of justifying why the Foundation continues testing it. Do note that teleportation and telepathy are major effects, they could both have stand-alone based around them. -I would recommend you look at choosing one of these two, and keeping to that one effect. Having too many of these effects can lead to the skip feeling overpowered and/or the article losing focus.

While I can see you plan to explain more about the skip in the future, the average reader won't look into other works to learn more about the skip or the characters in article. The relevant information about the skips discovery, origins and motives should be covered in the article (you don't an excruciating amount of detail here, and you don't nee to make it blatantly obvious either). Generally you want to give enough info to intrigue the reader. And from there, let them explore the additional stories. (the article shouldn't be relying on other works for an explanation, the SCP should be able to hold on its own).

The Narrative:

Central Narrative: The idea is that the puzzle cube is looking for someone, a "chosen one" of sorts, it uses its appearance and slight telepathic abilities to trigger a response in users of it which causes them to enter the correct sequence if they are a potential candidate. It then does a telepathic in-depth analysis of them to find out if they are the One. From there it becomes a question of finding out more, and why the survivor was special.

This feels closer to a description, as I'm not given much of a setup and the middle act and payoff are fairly cliched and/or vague imo. I'm not sure how the skip was found, why the Foundation started to test it, what actually happened after the D-class managed to communicate with it, and how the Foundation realised it was going to disappear when it wasn't used. Along with this, I'm not seeing much of a conflict either, the only "issue" that I'm really seeing here is the skips ongoing containment. Which personally, doesn't keep my interest as it 1) doesn't make me feel/think much about the characters/skip, and 2) has been done a lot here already, its a bit overused at this point.

The "chosen one" also concerns me, as it has been a lot, and not juts on the wiki either. In the context of an SCP, it feels too coincidental and luck based to really sound convincing or realistic (as the whole story relies on pure chance). And in the context of an out of site work, it feels uninspired and cliched, due to the shear amount of other creative projects that have already used the "chosen one" storyline.

-Another thing I'm noticing is the character development (or lack there of). For an article that plans to expand on the charters, I'm not really not seeing much of a character. The researchers and D-class don't seem to have much of a personality, I don't really feel anything for them, which makes it rather hard for me to become invested in them as they don't feel like people.

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The D-Class who survives makes it by tripping the Toy with Impulsive, slightly insulting comments, as opposed to the usual "Who are you?" and "What do you want?" From there they Develop a Pseudo-relationship in which the D-class becomes able to interact with the toy whenever it has someone put the correct combination of blocks into it. Over time as more information is gained, the D-Class gets a job offer to be an assistant researcher on that particular site.

I feel this should be in the CN rather than the hook, as this doesn't grab my attention per se, rather it explains how the D-class managed to communicate with it. Even then, I'm unsure of how this approach hasn't been taken yet, its a pretty simple way to communicate imo.

Along with this, I'm skeptical about the D-class becoming a researcher, the Foundation would need a damn good reason to hire a D-class and if I'm being honest, this doesn't sound like enough. Wouldn't it be easier to just keep them around for the duration of the tests, rather than give them free rein on the site and allowing them a payment?

- Sounds like a waste of resources considering D-class are not among the most trusted individuals, and the one shown here, is likely not going to be effective in researching other anomalies. (he wouldn't be in this position if he didn't communicate with the skip, his position relies on luck, rather than a qualification).

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. -I'm not oppose to this idea, though I do take issue with the lack of a strong story, and the skips current effects, as they feel a bit mismatched and unrelated. I would recommend you focus more eon the skip itself here, include it motives, a strong payoff and try to avoid relying on luck for the story to develop.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13624898/seeking-greenlight-children-s-puzzle

Hello Chamera! let's take a look! :)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: A Mansion which through temporal anomalies is indescribably ancient. It is capable of interacting with time in such a way that it perpetually gets older, as if it’s traveling through time in reverse and forwards at the same time.

I'm not seeing much on how the anomaly itself originated, what its original purpose was/is and how the Foundation comes into contact with it. Granted these points don't need to be covered in extreme detail, they should at least be given some sort of clarification/explanation considering the story goes into the houses creation, the owner and what happens to him (ish). -The lack of info around the skip itself makes the skip feel a bit flat, as there isn't much behind the effects.

As for the effects, they feel a bit confusing/vague to me, while I understand its a temporal anomaly, I'm not sure what exactly it does (from what I understand it exists in the past and present?).- the only explanation I really get is fairly vague, and I'm concerned on how you would go about describing its effects in a clinical tone.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: The central narrative deals with the eccentric individual who built the mansion, a person who slowly becomes more and more a part of the mansion in their quest to understand the beginning and end of everything. There's also the possibility of dealing with the effects of the mansion being something that travels through time in a fundamentally different way.

The story doesn't sound like much of story, more so a middle act/with some additional info on the skip sprinkled in. The Foundation doesn't seem to be mentioned at all, which confuses me as they are the ones writing the article. So I'm unsure of when/how the house was discovered, how the Foundation finds out about the original owner, and the Foundation what they end up doing with the skip. Overall, the lack of the Foundation and a clear progression of events makes this feel unfinished.

I would recommend you look at implementing a clearer series of events, that details what happens to the owner, and how he "becomes one with the house". I would also recommend you start thinking about how you want the audience to feel, and how you could go about conveying that message/emotion. -its much easier to become invested in articles that make the audience feel something, wether it be sadness, fear, happiness, morals ect.

-As a quick note, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "a person who slowly becomes more and more a part of the mansion in their quest to understand the beginning and end of everything.". To me this sounds fairly vague and hard to follow, not to mention the effects don't seem to be given a concrete origin. From what I understand they juts kind of appear, with no indication or warning?

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Weird mind-bending time stuff. Basically the premise of this idea is something capable of traveling in both directions of time simultaneously. Most things go through time from present to future, but this mansion also moves backward, from present to past at the same time.

The pitch seems to rely heavily on the temporal aspect of the skip. Which personally speaking, isn't really enough of an attention grabber, while the effects are important, its equally as important to show how everything reacts to said "effects". Weather it be through the characters and their decisions, or the world around them.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.- I would recommend you elaborate on the Foundations interacts with the skip, as currently they don't seem to be mentioned or referenced whatsoever. The skip itself could do with some more clarification in general, as the effects are a little hard to understand, and the skip seems mostly built on its effects.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13626907/i-have-always-been-here

Hello MrJulian1203! sorry for the delay, let's take a look!

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: An entity(Female humanoid) that is known to the public to kill dogs (domesticated and wild). It will also kill any person that tries to stop it from eating. Never captured due to it always being too fast and it seems to plan its routes of escape early before attacking the dog. Before attacking, a bell will be heard and the dog will bark for a long time.

This doesn't feel like much of an anomaly, more so a random person going around and killing dogs?. The skip doesn't have any clear motives, interactions with the Foundation or much of an anomaly to begin with. Currently the skip seems to fall into the "X-men syndrome" cliche, this is where the article is more focused on giving the skip powers and cool/weird abilities, rather than tell a story about an anomaly.

"Speed" feels more like a superpower than anything. In the context of an SCP, it feels out of place and considering how much its already been used, it feels a bit generic and unoriginal. The effect here feels a bit disjointed, considering there isn't much of an explanation why the skip can do this, and how that relates back to the dogs. Overall, this effect feels like a quick way to explain why the Foundation can't catch the skip, as it doesn't have around it narrative or concept wise.

-As a small side note, How exactly does the public know that this person kills dogs? its not given much of an explanation, what causes the detail to feel unnecessary.

Overall, the concept doesn't have much to stand on, considering the pitch is relying heavily on the skip killing things for audience attention. Personally, it really doesn't keep my interest, as there isn't much else that makes it stand out from your run of the mil murder monster. -there are many ways to make something interesting without it being 'dangerous'.

-Do note that humanoid SCPs are among the hardest to pull off, as they prone to falling into cliches. Considering this is your first skip, I would recommend you look at something a little less difficult to start off with.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: A dog killer is known all throughout the west of the world(North America) the Dog killer was practically unkillable until someone did kill it after seeing it eating his pet.

This isn't much of a narrative, more so some general information on the skip. There isn't much of a setup, middle act or payoff. I'm unsure of how the Foundation find out about the skip, what they end up doing and what happens after the Foundation has learnt about it.

In any case, I would highly recommend you start developing a narrative, as they keep audience interest and can further explain the skip. Modern audiences tend to favour narratives, which has more or less lead to them becoming the standard. -You would have a much easier time getting a concept off the ground if you had a narrative to accompany the skip.

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The hook is this was not the only dog killer and there are more spread across the world, once one is killed more make themselves known. The foundation was only made aware of One, and soon they will learn of more spreading quickly over the world.

I'm a bit unsure on this, it leaves me more confused than anything, I'm not sure: why exactly is this happening? why are they killing dogs? where are they coming from? how does the Foundation know that they are anomalous to begin with? (the act of killing a dog isn't anomalous, its morally bankrupt and heartless, but not anomalous).

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. I would recommend you look at shelving this time being, as there is a sizeable amount of work that would need to go into this. the concept in general doesn't have much behind it, the "dog killer" aspect feels like its been added in for shock value and there is no real narrative to go off of.

You may find the following links helpful:

http://www.scpwiki.com/how-to-write-an-scp

http://www.scpwiki.com/yourjouney-part-1 - the other two pages are linked at the address.

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13627339/greenlight:the-dog-killers

Hello Chamera! sorry in advance for the delay, let's take a second look :)

More secrets!

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: A mansion that is capable of simultaneously traveling into the past and into the future from the present. To clarify, it exists perpetually sooner in the timeline of our universe and it also exists in the present. (I'll explain more about how the effects of mansion function in 'Additional Notes')

This is much more concise and easy to understand, there isn't much for me to say in terms of the effects. Considering the rest of the pitch, I would say they fit in quite well.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: The central narrative deals with the inhabitants of the house. A family who would have to deal with the effects of being in the house. The creation of the house would have been a joint attempt by the two parents to try and fix what they both believe to be their worst mistake. The sort of end point of this story would be that in attempting to deal with the consequences of their time meddling, the family makes things increasingly more problematic.

The story itself will deal with themes of regret, perfectionism, and control (and a lack of it).

The foundation's attempt to contain and understand the anomaly will somewhat mirror the family's issues, as they find the consequences of this anomaly increasingly more and more overwhelming.

The brunt of my concerns come from the narrative. While I feel this is fairly strong, there is a lack of detail about the stories events overall. I'm confused on how the Foundation found out about the house to begin with, what the family ends up doing, how the Foundation attempts to contain it and how the story actually ends. There doesn't seem to be much of a resolution or setup, more or less an idea of what the story will entail. I would recommend you start to implement more specific events, a strong resolution/ending and a more clear setup.

Red or green?
For now, I'll sill be holding off on a greenlight. Though with that said, this is getting very close, you have established a clear conflict, motives and a strong tone, which is a good sign. Though I feel the stories events will need more detail before before anything, as currently the stories events are a little too vague.

I look forward to seeing where this goes!

Cheers,

-The Desert

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Hello DocOleJoeShimo! let's take a look :)

Elevator Pitch: A jumpsuit that looks like a D-Class jumpsuit that protects the user.

There isn't enough here for me to leave much of a critique, as it stands the concept is very basic, and falls into the "thing that does a thing", cliche. I'm not sure what the skips purpose is, why it looks like a D-class jumpsuit, how the Foundation found out about it and what the "jumpsuits" motives are. While I feel the concept has merit, there isn't enough around this yet for me to gauge where you want to take this or what you want to do with it.

Central Narrative: Its about a D-Class who starts to believe* he is a god and gains a cult following.

This is too vague for a narrative, there aren't any events or really much of a setup and payoff. This feels closer to a brief idea of a story, rather than an outline of one. In any case, I would recommend you look into putting more detail into the story, look at how the Foundation finds out about the D-class, what they end up learning from the skip and how they use that knowledge in the end. Is there a conflict between the staff and the D-class? how would the "god" complex the D-class has play out against the Foundation?

Hook/Attention-Grabber: The Jumpsuit protects the wearer by hardening its threads, And is able to attack people it sees as threats to the wearer. Everyone who wears it starts to belive that they are a god. The wearer of the jumpsuit is not able to take off the jumpsuit until the wearer is dead.

This sounds like a more detailed version of the EP, there isn't much that really grabs my attention. As this feels closer to additional info more than anything, I'm not learning anything new about it or being given any insight as to what makes this unique.

-why exactly do they believe they are "god", this feels a bit left field and unneeded imo. As showing a character slowly start to believe they are invincible, due to their own perspective and judgment, sounds much more interesting and relatable than simply forcing that kind of thought process on a character.

Hello DrIrrelevence! let's take a look :)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: A clear bottle of therapeutics full of distinct pills, all colors having a particular effect on life. The vessel is wrapped in a crumpled, shabby piece of paper that reads in a scribbled, messy fashion: "VAROVAINEN JA VIISAS" (Careful and Wise in English.) The canister possesses fifty-three pills. The following list reads what each colored pill can do to someone:

Collapsible
·Red- Subject immediately falls down and dies.
·Orange- Subject loses eyesight for 30 minutes
·Light Blue- Subject loses balance and hearing, becomes color blind, gets confused for an hour
·Dark Blue- Subject cries uncontrollably and becomes mute
·Yellow- Subject screams out of agony, shortly dies after the pill is consumed.
·Violet- Subject falls asleep for years.
·Lime Green- Subject’s eye veins extends to the front of the eye after a while suffers gangrene and dies shortly later

There are eight red pills, twelve orange pills, six light-blue pills, seven dark-blue pills, seven yellow pills, six violet pills, and seven lime-green pills.

Overall, this feels like a "thing that does a thing" (at least to me). As I'm not given much insight into what its purpose could be, why the colour of the pills matter, why the name is important and how the Foundation interacts with it as a whole. Currently The idea feels fairly flat and bare bones due to the effects taking being at the forefront of the idea. -What about this concept give it an edge, what sets it apart from the likes of other medicine related skips? what makes me as reader care about it?

There isn't much here that really grabs my attention, or keeps it for that matter, as the effects (which the pitch and narrative seem to rely on) themselves are fairly overused/cliched imo. In the context of this pitch, They come off as a way to 'raise the stakes' in order to keep audience attention. The pitch doesn't really have much else going for it, which makes the whole "it kills you part", feel like the main focus/attention drawer.

The narrative:

Central Narrative: SCP-XXXX was detected in a small, isolated cabin in the north-western region of Nunavut on the third story of a wooden bookshelf in early 200█. The bookshelf had nothing on it other than the medicine. Beside the ledge, lied a middle-aged man. The police attempted to wake the man up, but the attempt failed. The previous owner of the cabin at the time departed from Nunavut before SCP-XXXX was found by law enforcement. The corpse was examined, and so was the can of pills. The man's veins had shown clear traces of narcotics and medication. It was eventually learned that the traces of narcotics in the man were the same chemicals the capsules possessed. The police finally concluded that the male died of a drug overdose from SCP-XXXX, two days after the cadaver and cloaked bottle were found. SCP-XXXX was then taken away by the police.

The narrative itself doesn't feel like much of story imo, it sounds closer to that of a discovery log. There isn't much of a resolution or middle act, there only really seems to be a setup. I'm unsure of where the Foundation is in all of this, as they don't seem to be mentioned at all, its anomalous effects aren't really even discovered (its only taken into police custody). Considering they are the ones writing the article, I would imagine that they found out about the skip, found a reason to test it… tested it, and then write out what they learnt from it, and how it will be kept ect. ect. -The current story doesn't seem to include these events whatsoever, which makes the story unfinished.

Overall, the narrative didn't keep my attention as there wasn't much of a tone. The characters themselves and/or the skip didn't make me question or feel anything, which makes the story/article as a whole feel a little bland. I Would recommend you try start to think about how you want the audience to feel by the end of the article, and how you would go about conveying that emotion.- Its much easier to keep engagement and attention, when the audience becomes emotionally invested in the article.

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: Although the man took the medicine, there were no fingerprints or marks indicating that the man touched it. There were also no found marks or fingerprints on the man that didn't come from his DNA. The man did not wear gloves, nor were there any gloves in the cabin This discovery warranted the police to search throughout Nunavut to find the culprit. The search for the offender has not yet concluded, nor has there been any progress since the investigation began.

This doesn't really grab my attention, I'm not getting any other insight into the skip or any possible origins/purposes. It more or less feels like there is an extra 'mystery' being added in to keep attention on a fairly underwhelming concept. Why is this important? how does this part specifically fit in wit the rest of the skip?

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight. -I would recommend you expand on the skip more in general, try looking at a possible origin (do note that it doesn't need to be super detailed, subtly can work well), an inherent purpose, strong interactions with the Foundation and more compelling effects, that don't rely on killing to be interesting. As for the narrative, I would like to see more on how it was found by the Foundation, why it was tested and what was learnt from it. This sounds like the beginnings of something fairly strong, I look forward to seeing future renditions.

If you would like me to give this (or any concept) further advice/feedback, then feel welcome to shoot me a PM or ask via IRC. response times generally range from 2-12 hours over PMs. If your looking for additional critiques in general, then I couldn't recommend the Butterfly squad more:)

Cheers,

-The Desert

Here is the link:

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13621249/varovainen-ja-viisas-seeking-greenlights

Hello Ben Levitt! let's take a look :)

The secrets of the desert:

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Overall:
I feel this is a pretty strong concept as is, though wth that said, there are a few small issues I have with this.

-First and foremost, the aliens feel a bit cliched to me. They have already been depicted in many other creative works, and their motive here aren't anything new or unique, they feel like the dime of the dozen "aliens". The concept itself has more creative potential, that I feel would work quite well without the aliens.

The machine here is enough for this, as the Foundation would be asking "where did come from" and "why is it here", I feel the story could be much more impactful and engaging if it focused on these questions. Rather than the story using 'aliens' to explain the machine and its purpose.

-Second and… secondmost? idk what to call that?? - the narrative feels a little too reliant on major historical events, at least for me. Perhaps it comes from my creepypasta oriented background, or the amount of other creative works that use the "[insert person here] actually found [insert thing here] while they were doing [insert major event here]" storyline.

Personally, I feel the story would be much stronger if it could stand on its own a little more, without using the major historical events as crutch to tell the story. -Perhaps people started to notice the closing distance between the earth and moon, which eventually caused the foundation to investigate it…. thus leading to them finding the big ol' machine.

For now, I'm going to hold off on a greenlight, though this concept is very close to getting my approval. I feel it needs to distance itself from the cliches and common storylines a little more, and embrace the machine itself a little more. -I look forward to seeing where this goes :)

Cheers,

-The Desert

Heyo follow up!

More secrets:

+ show block

Cheers,

-The Desert

Hello Imaginative Drumming! let's take a look :)

The secrets of the desert:

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The concept:

Elevator Pitch: A sentient, carved piece of obsidian rock which manifests within the clouds of strong super-cell storms. While not all super-cell storms produce tornadoes, this SCP will cause a tornado to touch down in any storm it manifests in and will position itself at the middle of the tornado's shaft. Once the entity is properly positioned, the following anomalous properties are experienced:

Lightning frequency increased
Lightning only strikes the entity within the tornado
Unpredictable shifts in atmospheric pressure around the tornado
Raises temperature of winds caused by the tornado, raising in temp. the stronger the winds get
Uniformity in size regardless of tornado strength changes. i.e. it can be F2 strength and look like an F5
Speed of ground travel does not exceed 20 mph.

I'm not 100% on why any of this happening? the stone doesn't seem to have much of a background or explanation in general. While it is possible to have a vague background on something, there should be a justification of sorts for why it's vague. Considering the skip is being researched, it sounds odd that it isn't being investigated beyond its effects.

I'm unsure what its purpose is, how/why it manifests in supercells specifically and what interactions it has with the Foundation in general. What about the skip makes me as the reader interested?

Most of the pitch seems to focus on the effects, which alone, will not carry the article. As there isn't much to keep me as the reader invested, overall the skip comes off as a "thing that does a thing" for me. Why does it cause certain weather phenomena to become more extreme? in specifically a supercell storm?

The narrative:

Central Narrative: The central narrative of this article will base around the initial discovery of the entity, the study of its effects, and methods of which the foundation has taken to try and contain the entity.

This is a little vague for a narrative, as I'm not sure what actually happens? how is the rock found? why/how does the Foundation manage to connect the dots between obsidian stone, and a particularly bad supercell? what do they end up doing with it? what do they learn from it and how does that affect the characters?

From I understand you want the audience to feel afraid (looking at the genre). I would recommend you start thinking about how that will be conveyed, as currently, the skip doesn't necessarily make me feel afraid. More so interested/curious.

The characters aren't given enough time to develop either (from what I can see, there really aren't any to begin with), as a result, the current story doesn't elicit much of an emotional response, which isn't a good sign considering you're attempting a horror oriented setting. I don't find myself to be particularly interested in events themselves, as there isn't much of a conflict, the Foundation attempting to contain something isn't enough of a conflict for the story. As its been done quite a lot already, and comes off as a little bare bones and/or unoriginal at this point.

Hook:

Hook/Attention-Grabber: This SCP is observant to its surroundings in the storms it manifests in. During an experiment to further research, the foundation learns the SCP senses when it is being observed by other sentient beings, as well as knows what objects are natural and what objects are created by sentient beings. If a sentient being or a product of a sentient being gets too close to the entity and it perceives this as a threat or simply does not want to be observed, a "fight or flight" response is triggered causing the tornado to rapidly intensify until it feels the threats around it have been neutralized. This intensification does not have any known limit at this time, hence the need to better understand and contain this entity.

While I think this is fairly interesting, I'm not really seeing how this relates back to the concept. It feels a bit disjointed at the moment, as these traits and effects aren't really referenced or brought up again. It feels like additional info rather than an attention grabber.

Red or green?
Due to my afore mentioned concerns, no Greenlight.- I think this has potential, though currently, the concept is still fairly underdeveloped, and lacking in much other than the effects. The concept and story seem to be missing information and specific details, which makes the pitch seem unfinished (or at the very least, like certain info is being withheld).

Cheers,

-The Desert

SCP Sandbox III

Sandbox III: Revenge of the Sandbox