Per 
Test 11828-U5: Tests on the nature and construction of SCP-914
With approval from O5 Command, a single gear was removed from one of the "outer" sections of SCP-914. Placement was carefully documented, and was in a location that would not release tension on any belts or damage any documented sections. Testing area was cleared and sealed after placing a steel block in the "intake" booth. D-00104 was dispatched to SCP-914, and instructed to turn the key and activate SCP-914.
D-00104 reported that "the key won't catch", and the key was observed to turn several times without tightening the mainspring. No activity of any kind was observed from SCP-914 during this time.
Missing gear was replaced with a identical copy, comprised of the same metal (brass) as the original. Steel block re-inserted into the "intake" booth, and SCP-914 was activated on the "1:1" setting. SCP-914 observed to operate normally, with a slight pause of 3.5 seconds after winding the key. After "refining", Output observed to be a solid steel sphere with the same volume as the original steel block. Original gear returned to SCP-914.
Note: Well, thank god we can at least repair the damn thing if we damage it… assuming we can find what's broken in it. Hell, maybe it's already broken, I don't know… this damn thing hurts my head… - Dr. ██████████
Test 914-0101
Name: Dr. Gears
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Four clockwork pocket watch, belonging to Dr. Gears
Input: One gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small clockwork bird. When the tail is pressed, it produces a robin's call.
Input: One gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Toy clockwork train engine.
Input: One gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Miniature grandfather clock, fully functional.
Input: One gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small metal sculpture of a piano.
Note: It appears there is a high level of randomness when SCP-914 "refines" an item. However, it seems to preserve some elements of its original composition, in this example, clockworks. This is not a law, but a high probability. Refine a metal bar, and you're more likely to get a simple metal object than an internal combustion engine. Both, however, are possible. - Dr. Gears
Test 914-0102
Name: Dr. Gears
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Three copies of all documentation, photographs, and test logs accumulated in relation to SCP-914.
Input: One copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: 1:1
Output: Folder containing all previously entered documents, arranged in chronological order.
Input: One copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: Fine
Output: Hard-bound book containing 400 pages. No diagrams, photos, or other visual aids of any kind are included. The pages appear to be solid black, but microscopic examination shows each page to be covered in approximately twenty thousand characters. The text has no correlation with any known writing style, and is not in a linear format, with "sentences" constructed from individual characters spread out between many pages. Each sentence requires an exceedingly complex formula to decode, with each formula unique to each sentence.
Note: Current decoding work has resulted in two partially translated sentences after 225 work-hours. Item appears to be a record of the internal structure of SCP-914.
Input: One copy of SCP-914 documentation
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Single sheet of paper. Weight is exactly the same as the entered documentation. The sheet appears to be a single page from the entered SCP-914 documentation, however when flipped over to the right, the reverse side is the following page in sequence. When flipped over to the left, the opposite side is the preceding page in sequence. No new documentation is included, but this item is significantly easier to store, if more time-consuming to browse.
Note: It's screwing with us, you know that right? I don't CARE if it's been proven that it has no self-awareness, this thing is LAUGHING at us! - General ████████
Note: There seems to be some difficulty as to the meaning of "fine" and "coarse" on the settings; the machine appears to be capable of refining input based either on a scale of complexity (loss of entropy accompanied by increase in connectivity between components and/or acquisition of subjective meaning) or of simplification (separation into composite materials and loss of meaning). - Dr. Gears
Test 914-0103
Name: Dr. Grangan
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Five adult male cadavers
Input: One cadaver
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of human remains. Limbs, organs and bones all appear to have been roughly separated via tearing action and high heat. Output described as "unsettling".
Input: One cadaver
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pile of human remains. All organs and bones have been removed by some form of cutting tool. The skin, nervous system, digestive system, and circulatory system all appear to have been removed without severing or damaging any of tissues involved. Results frozen for study.
Input: One cadaver
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Asian male cadaver. Original cadaver was identified as Caucasian.
Input: One cadaver
Setting: Fine
Output: One cadaver containing SCP-008. Subject immediately incinerated.
Input: One cadaver
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Green slime. Properties and chemical structure determined to be identical to SCP-447-2.
Note: By order of O5-█, cadavers may no longer be tested in SCP-914 in order to minimize the possibility of SCP-447-2 coming in contact with dead bodies.
Test 914-0104
Name: Dr. Ouros
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: One pill of SCP-500
Input: One pill
Setting: Fine
Output: One ornate metal locket, now classified as SCP-427
Test 914-0105
Name: Dr. Zemyla Cenh
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Two identical wooden cross pendants, 7.6cm (3in) long
Input: One cross
Setting: Rough
Output: One fragment of wood of the same mass, cut flat on 3 sides. This may be a fragment of a larger cross.
Input: One cross
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden crucifix with intricately detailed carving of Jesus Christ.
Note: This may imply that SCP-914 has an understanding of religion. More experiments with religious items are indicated. - Dr. Cenh
Note: This test may indicate that SCP-914 understands the use of input objects and not simply their function. Recommend testing with medicines reliant on the placebo effect to ascertain if outputs provide actual medicinal solutions to problems. - Dr. Pyrrhus
Test 914-0106
Name: Dr. Gibbons
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Three hundred U.S. dollars. One hundred U.S dollars will be used for each setting.
Input: One hundred U.S. dollars
Setting: Coarse
Output: A puddle of ink and a small pile of cotton and plastic weighing roughly as much as the original currency.
Input: One hundred U.S. dollars
Setting: 1:1
Output: Seventy-five euros.
Input: One hundred U.S. dollars
Setting: Fine
Output: A shareholder's note for "Soap from Corpses Products", worth one hundred U.S. dollars. It is unknown whether 914 selected a Foundation's front out of pure whimsy, or because of some other criteria.
Update: As in ██/██/████, Soap from Corpses Products' shares skyrocketed, and the aforementioned 'Fine' output is now worth $████ (USD). It is under investigation if 914 'selected' Soap from Corpses Products because it 'knew' was going to rally, or if it was a matter of pure luck.
Test 914-0107
Name: Dr. █████
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Five Bronze replicas of the Pioneer ten and eleven plaques.
Input: One plaque on each setting
Setting: Rough
Output: Multiple bronze cubes and two bronze spheres.
Setting: Coarse
Output: 105 grams of copper ore and 15 grams of tin ore.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Several CDs. Tests reveal them to contain the same data as the Voyager Golden Record.
Setting: Fine
Output: A record-sized bronze disc. Testing shows that using the object with a record player will play a recording of a currently unidentified voice describing the content and meanings of the Pioneer plaque.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A bronze gyroscope, 15 cm tall. A needle in the center continuously points in one direction; testing has confirmed that no matter the position of the gyroscope, this needle points towards our Sun.
Test 914-0108
Name: Dr. ███████
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Five lbs. raw ground beef
Input: One lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Rough
Output: 1 lb. beef slurry.
Input: One lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Fine
Output: One lb. medium-cooked round steak.
Input: One lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Fine
Output: One lb. pile of beef jerky.
Input: One lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Two half-pound flank steaks, well-done and lightly drizzled in gravy.
Input: One lb. raw ground beef
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] Subject terminated with no casualties.
Test 914-0109
Name: Dr. █████
Date: ██/██/████
Total Items: Five IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Input: One IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Rough
Output: Several hundred thin paper strips.
Input: One IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Coarse
Output: One block of wood, wet with strong-smelling liquid. Tests indicated the liquid to be composed of a variety of chemicals used in the paper-making process.
Input: One IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: 1:1
Output: One IRS Form 4868 (blank)
Input: One IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Fine
Output: One IRS Form 1040, with all blank space including margins and backs of pages filled with imprecations against the IRS and taxation in general in the following languages [in order of quantity of text, from greatest to least]: Basque, Quenya [see below], Sumerian, Cherokee, an unidentifiable language with a writing system composed of curved symbols, Classical Chinese, English (from the curses used, apparently c. 1650-1750). After long study of the unidentifiable symbols Dr. █████ could identify no commonality with any of the other languages present on the form. The Sumerian contained three words unattested from any known text. The Quenya had its cursing of the IRS interspersed with vituperation of someone or something called "Morgoth".
Input: One IRS Form 1040 (blank)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One IRS Form "MXL", filled out for the year 35 and with the name given as "GAIVS IVLIVS CAESAR AVGVSTVS GERMANICVS" and all monetary amounts given in Roman numerals with the word "DENARII" entered afterwards.
Test 914-0110
Name: Dr. Clopine
Date: 15/08/2009
Total Items: Five 11 X 8.5" copies of the Mona Lisa printed from an HP Photosmart 3310 All-In-One onto photo paper
Input: One copy of Mona Lisa
Setting: Rough
Output: One pile of shredded photo paper, several pools of ink
Input: One copy of Mona Lisa
Setting: Coarse
Output: One 8.5 x 11" sheet of plastic, one 8.5 X 11" sheet of paper, several pools of ink
Input: One copy of Mona Lisa
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 8.5 x 11" copy of Vitruvian Man
Input: One copy of Mona Lisa
Setting: Fine
Output: One 8.5 X 11" copy of Mona Lisa, painted onto canvas. Testing revealed paint to be oil paint of modern origins.
Input: One copy of Mona Lisa
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One 7 x 10" copy of the Mona Lisa painted onto wood panel, identified to be poplar. Paint samples tested to be oil paints made from beeswax, calcined bones, piled glass, and mineral pigments, with indications that pigments were hand ground. Further testing suggests painting dates to the early 16th century. Output now resides on a wall in Dr. Clopine's office.
Test 914-0111
Name: Professor "Q"
Date: 13/02/2010
Total Items: One chessboard, initial setup
Input: One chessboard
Setting: 1:1
Output: One chessboard, white king's pawn moved up 2 spaces.
Input: Board as above, with black pawn moved to a legal position
Setting: 1:1
Output: One chessboard, as above with white queen moved diagonally to a legal position.
Note: Yes, I've been playing chess with 914. Yes, I'm aware it's probably non-sentient, but that hardly explains why it's winning. - Professor "Q"
Test 914-0112
Name: Dr. C███████
Date: 10/04/2010
Total Items: Five prints of La trahison des images by René Magritte.
Input: One print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One miniature pipe identical to that in the print, with "C'est une pipe" engraved on it.
Input: One print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A near identical print, with "This is not a pipe" written in in English in the same hand as in the original.
Input: One print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Fine
Output: A print of Les deux mystères by René Magritte.
Input: One print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A print of an untitled painting, later definitively confirmed by art experts to have been produced by René Magritte, despite there being no record of its existence. The painting depicts [REDACTED] in addition to La trahison des images.
Input: One print of above mentioned painting.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A blank piece of paper with the memetic property of inducing observers to believe that it is a pipe. The paper was accidentally destroyed by Dr. C███████ who placed it in his mouth and set it on fire. Dr. C███████ was treated for minor burns to his face but was otherwise not injured.
Test 914-0113
Name: Dr. J█████ N██████
Date: 30/05/2010
Total Items: Five tuna sandwiches, on white bread.
Input: One tuna sandwich.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wheat, a small pile of yeast, a puddle of water and one (1) segment of twitching, bloody flesh (later identified as tuna musculature).
Input: One tuna sandwich.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A small loaf of bread, and chunks of cooked tuna.
Input: One tuna sandwich.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One salmon sandwich, on rye bread.
Input: One tuna sandwich.
Setting: Fine
Output: One tuna sandwich. Tuna was later revealed to be of the highest quality, with light, soft bread. Testing on D-class personnel resulted in dramatically increased cognitive capacity; further chemical analysis revealed it to contain unusually high levels of Omega-3 and Omega-7 fatty acids.
Input: One tuna sandwich.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One small loaf of bread baked into a very realistic shape of a tuna. When the door was opened, it immediately began "swimming" around the room and out the door. Subject presumed missing.
Test 914-0114
Name: Dr. ████████
Date: 07/01/2011
Total Items: Five adult SCP-939 specimens. Test cleared by O5 Command.
Input: One adult SCP-939 specimen was placed within SCP-914 on each setting.
Setting: Rough
Output: A mass of bone splinters, broken teeth, and scraps of translucent red tissue of various sizes. Tissue was observed to twitch spasmodically for several hours before activity ceased. Material preserved for further study.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Subject was divided up into organized piles of tissue, including but not limited to (presumably) muscle tissue, two piles of ground bone tissue (the significance of this division, if any, is unknown), teeth, skin, a total of approximately seventeen meters of esophageal tissue divided into numerous coils, and approximately fifteen kilograms of rotting human flesh littered with splinters of bone, shreds of fabric, and a tattered laminated ID tag identifying its owner as D-09355. As with the first test, SCP-939 tissue was observed to convulse for several hours before ceasing activity. SCP-939 remains preserved for further study; human remains incinerated.
Setting: 1:1
Output: [REDACTED]
Setting: Fine
Output: The same SCP-939 specimen. Respiration was noted to have halted. Test subject was immediately relocated to a reinforced concrete containment chamber and observed remotely via CCTV. Installation security forces were ordered to high alert. Twenty-four hours passed with no signs of activity from the subject. Subject proved unresponsive to all stimuli and was pronounced dead thirty-six hours later. Necropsy was unable to identify a cause of death nor any anatomical revisions attributable to SCP-914. Remains preserved for further study.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A heap of smoldering white ash.
Test 914-0115
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: 09/05/2011
Total Items Eight identical copies of the King James Bible
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One sheet of leather, one block of wood of approximate dimensions 3/4 that of the Bible, one stack of ink stained rags, one reel of thread.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the Qur'an.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Hand-illustrated copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls on new papyri.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One book with leaden pages and a golden cover. Language unknown.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One book titled "The Satanic Bible".
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One DVD containing animated accounts of all the Bible stories.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Fine
Output: One statuette, human in form. Quotes Bible passages at random, unless prompted either by book, or by a short phrase from the Bible, in which case it continues from that point. Voices are appropriate to persons in Bible, narrator is a neutral voice of ambiguous gender unless the book is attributed to a particular person, in which case voices is appropriate to that individual.
Input: One King James Bible.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One book with seemingly infinite pages (current count exceeds two million) containing copies of religious texts with commentaries and footnotes from all known religions, in multiple different languages, plus some religious texts from (currently) unknown religions.
Test 914-0116
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: 17/12/2011
Total Items: Three sheets of 8.5x11in printing paper with varying instructions
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: 1:1
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11in paper, with the words “I would like a Whopper. No Ketchup, No Mustard. Small order of onion rings, and a medium Coke”
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Fine
Output: A stack of US counterfeit currency, composed of standard paper and printed with #2 pencil lead. The currency totals to the exact cost of the requested order, plus tax.
Input: A sheet of 8.5x11in printing paper with the instructions “I would like a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. No pickles, no onions. Large order of fries, and a medium Pepsi” handwritten in #2 pencil by Dr. ██████
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A single sheet of 8.5x11 in paper, with a series of symbols inscribed upon it which do not correspond to any known system of writing. Subjects viewing the symbols describe a sudden and intense desire for a cheeseburger.
Test 914-0117
Name: Dr. Westrin
Date: 23/02/2013
Total Items: One of my screws
Input: My screw.
Setting: 1:1
Output: Your screw.
Test 914-0118
Name: Dr. Syka Brown
Date: 07/12/2013
Total Items: One [REDACTED] brand 'Bouncy Ball', cardboard label still attached
Input: One [REDACTED] brand 'Bouncy Ball', with cardboard label
Setting: Fine
Output: A ball carrying a cardboard label identifying it as a [REDACTED] brand 'Extra Bouncy Ball'. Behavior was identical to store-bought varieties.
Input: One [REDACTED] brand 'Extra Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Fine
Output: One ball of smaller shape and differing colour, with a cardboard tag, specifying it as a "[REDACTED] brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'". The manufacturer does not appear to produce this product. Testing reveals that the ball has 0.█% energy loss per bounce, making it extremely efficient.
Input: One [REDACTED] brand 'Super-Duper Bouncy Ball'
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ball, that appears unchanged from the input. There is however, a difference in its [REDACTED] properties, exhibited when dropped by Dr Brown. [DATA EXPUNGED] forty-five casualties, and reached escape velocity. Currently thought to be orbiting Mars.
Test 914-0119
Name: Dr. von Hildebrandt
Date: 26/03/2014
Total Items: One set photocopies and duplicates of lab notes and other research material on SCP-914.
Input: One set of research materials
Setting: Fine
Output: One leather-bound tome, 54cm x 42cm, 256 vellum pages, with title written in gold leaf. Language of the title and the contents were at first unidentifiable, and were later discovered to be an old dialect of Finnish. The contents are written in calligraphy, and more than half the pages are elaborately illuminated with colored inks and gold and silver leaf. Once translated, the contents proved to be identical to the contents of the input material, arranged chronologically. The tome has been radiocarbon dated to the early 11th century C.E.
Anachronistically, a leather pocket is sewn into the inside back cover, and this pocket contains what appears to be a modern compact disc, 10cm in diameter. Data on this disc is encoded by an unknown codec. Attempts to divine the codec and decipher the data are ongoing.
Note: It's a pity the contents of this tome are classified. It's a piece worthy of any museum. I've never seen such exquisite calligraphy. The illuminations may prove to be the most interesting part of the book, though. They often portray clockworks and related mechanical parts as well as some of the input or output objects; possibly they relate in a direct rather than abstract way to the operation of SCP-914 as described on the illuminated pages. - Dr. von Hildebrandt
Test 914-0120
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: 01/06/2014
Total Items: Five small, rectangular pieces of paper, measuring 18x18 cm, with several equations relating to the theory of special relativity written on them in black ink.
Input: One piece of paper with certain equations relating to special relativity.
Setting: Rough
Output: A pile of wood pulp, and several drops of black ink.
Input: One piece of paper with certain equations relating to special relativity.
Setting: Coarse
Output: Eighteen children's multiplication flashcards.
Input: One piece of paper with certain equations relating to special relativity.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One piece of paper featuring diagrams of Pythagoras' five polyhedral elements.
Input: One piece of paper with certain equations relating to special relativity.
Setting: Fine
Output: A ceramic tile with small, black glyphs. The symbols have not been identified yet.
Input:One piece of paper with certain equations relating to special relativity.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small, black cube made out of a complex alloy. The cube emits a keening tone in the presence of photons.
Test 914-0121
Name: Dr. Disk
Date: 01/06/2014
Total Items: Five different bronze ingots, 1 kg each.
Input: One 1 kilogram bronze ingot
Setting: Rough
Output: Twenty different bronze nuggets, average mass 50 g.
Input: One 1 kilogram bronze ingot
Setting: Coarse
Output: Two large-sized bronze bolts, mass 500 g each.
Input: One 1 kilogram bronze ingot
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 200 g ingot of tin and one 800 g ingot of copper.
Input: One 1 kilogram bronze ingot
Setting: Fine
Output: An intricate bronze hubcap, mass 1 kg. Inscriptions appear to be in Korean.
Input: One 1 kilogram bronze ingot
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A rectangular bronze clock with a height of 24 centimeters, and a mass of 1 kg. It has a self-winding mechanism and appears to return to the proper time if its hands are moved.
Note: All outputs of this experiment are currently in storage at Site 19.
Test 914-0122
Name: Dr. Falconis
Date: 04/10/2014
Total Items: Three hardcover copies of "Steve Jobs" by Walter Isaacson
Input: One hardcover copy of "Steve Jobs" by Walter Isaacson
Setting: 1:1
Output: One hardcover copy of "Bill Gates" by Walter Isaacson. Book contents consist of the biography of said figure.
Input: One hardcover copy of "Steve Jobs" by Walter Isaacson
Setting: Fine
Output: A DVD depicting Steve Jobs narrating his biography.
Input: One hardcover copy of "Steve Jobs" by Walter Isaacson
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A metallic cube with one button on it. When the button is pressed, a holographic image of Steve Jobs appears. The image appears to be sapient, capable of answering basic questions about Jobs' life, as well as about Apple Computers.
Test 914-0123
Name: MTF Zeta-9 Commander █████ ███████, Assistant Researcher Daniels
Date: 22/10/2015
Total Items: Five standard-issue FN P90 assault rifles, fully loaded.
Input: One P90
Setting: Fine
Output: One P90 AR. Direct viewing yielded no discernible results, but operation of the rifle showed that it no longer required ammunition, but fired compressed air at 43 billion gigapascals over a maximum distance of 700m. Considerable damage to Site armory.
Test 914-0124
Name: Dr. A Sutherland
Date: 24/10/2015
Total Items: One Samsung Galaxy Note 7
Input: One Samsung Galaxy Note 7
Setting: 1:1
Output: One M67 fragmentation grenade. Testing showed no extra-normal properties.
Note: I did this out of curiosity and because I wanted to prevent my phone from exploding in my pocket. Apparently SCP-914 has a sense of humour, and keeps up with current events. - Dr. A Sutherland
Test 914-0125
Name: Dr. Levy
Date: 27/10/2015
Total Items: Four 330ml cans of Coca-Cola brand soda.
Input: One can of Coca-Cola brand soda.
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of aluminum filings and sugar and a puff of water vapor.
Input: One can of Coca-Cola brand soda.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A can of Tesco brand cola.
Input: One can of Coca-Cola brand soda.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One can of Pepsi brand soda.
Input: One can of Coca-Cola brand soda.
Setting: Fine
Output: A small pile of cocaine.
Test 914-0126
Name: Dr. Sanders
Date: 25/12/2015
Total Items: Three DVDs with It's A Wonderful Life.
Input: One DVD with It's A Wonderful Life.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One DVD with White Christmas.
Input: One DVD with It's A Wonderful Life.
Setting: Fine
Output: One DVD with Home Alone.
Input: One DVD with It's A Wonderful Life.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One seemingly normal DVD with It's A Wonderful Life. Twelve D-Class personnel viewed the film and, as soon as the movie ended, vanished. They returned exactly 24-hours later. Six were dead and four appear to have been subjected to amnestics. The two who were coherent told interviewers that nobody seemed to recognize them in the alternate universe.
Test 914-0127
Name: Dr. DeVries
Date: 21/01/2016
Total Items: One complete core set of the "Dungeons and Dragons" books in 3.5e and one bottle of generic vitamin 'gummies'.
Input: One complete core set of the "Dungeons and Dragons" books in 3.5e.
Setting: Fine
Output: One large book measuring 2" by 11" by 9" titled "The Complete Dungeons and Dragons Core Set 3.5e". Upon inspection, the book was determined to be a combined version of all three previous books written in 'Milwich' English font.
Note: I'll be keeping this in the lounge if anyone wants to use this. I'll also be holding a game next Tuesday. Bring your own character sheets. - Dr. DeVries
Input: One bottle of generic vitamin 'gummies'.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of generic vitamin tablets.
Note: I don't know why I expected anything else. - Dr. DeVries
Test 914-0128
Name: Dr. Cykes
Date: 02/02/2016
Total Items: Five [REDACTED] brand violins, five [REDACTED] brand violin bows
Input: One [REDACTED] brand violin and bow
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of sawdust, plastic fragments, metal shavings, and stiff, short hairs.
Input: One [REDACTED] brand violin and bow
Setting: Coarse
Output: Several small balls of wood, plastic, metal, and hair sorted by color.
Input: One [REDACTED] brand violin and bow
Setting: 1:1
Output: One [REDACTED]brand viola and bow.
Input: One [REDACTED] brand violin and bow
Setting: Fine
Output: One [REDACTED] brand violin, tuned to absolute perfection and one seemingly normal [REDACTED] brand bow. Further analysis shows that the violin cannot come out of tune, even when tampered with.
Input: One [REDACTED] brand violin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One violin and one bow with blue glowing patterns on their surfaces. The violin is perpetually in tune, even when tampered with, and the bow does not need the use of rosin. When played by anyone, no matter the skill level, it will invariably produce a tone usually acquired by years of practice, and can play any song perfectly. Music produced by the instrument has a calming effect. Item is awaiting SCP classification.
Note: It even made “On Mount Golgotha” sound nice. - Dr. Cykes
Test 914-0129
Name: Dr. Curtis
Date: 07/02/2016
Total Items: One pound of fully cooked [REDACTED] brand bacon, and one photograph of SCP-682
Input: As listed above.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature replica of SCP-682, approximately five inches tall at the shoulder, made entirely out of cooked [REDACTED] brand bacon and photo paper. Object is fully animate and extremely hostile toward all life forms. It escaped containment, attempting to kill all staff present. It was unable to inflict any damage due to its small size and the materials used in its composition. Entity made a “sizzling” sound as it moved that several staff described as “pleasing to the ears.” Classification of entity as SCP-682-BAC denied.
Note: Very funny, Dr. Curtis. You are suspended from testing SCP-914 until further notice. Though I have to admit, it smelled delicious. - Dr. Gears
Test 914-0130
Name: Technician Lantern
Date: 07/02/2016
Total Items: Four kilograms worth of quartz crystals, with a ratio of 15-60 mm in length.
Note: Relax, this time I'm paying for it. By the way, why does the room smell like bacon? - Technician Lantern
Input: One kg of aforementioned quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: A large quartz tuning fork. Once tapped lightly against the wall of the testing chamber, [DATA EXPUNGED], with a side effect of temporary hearing loss.
Note: Mhm, that fits my hypothesis. Let's try again. - Technician Lantern
Input: One kg of aforementioned quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: A swarm of crystalline hornets. Behaved as normal hornets would, but were significantly more durable due to composition. The swarm swiftly targeted Tech. Lantern, but were subdued before significant harm could be done.
Note: I hate it when I'm right. Screw it, the rest goes in the next batch. - Technician Lantern
Input: Two kg of aforementioned quartz
Setting: Fine
Output: A ring of polished quartz 18 cm in diameter, levitating off of the ground. Object emitted a continuous ringing, and produced light.
Audio picked up from testing chamber after all objects were removed: "Are you trying to give me away, you idiotic machine?! Father above, I'm sorry for whatever I did, just stop trying to get me fired!"
Test 914-0131
Name: Dr. Veritas
Date: 08/02/2016
Total Items: Five identical notes (written and copied by Dr. Veritas) reading: 'Are you sentient?'
Input: One note
Setting: Coarse
Output: A puddle of ink and a small pile of wood pulp.
Input: One note
Setting: 1:1
Output: One note of similar size reading: 'Are you capable of feeling, perceiving and experiencing subjectively?' Handwriting does not match Dr. Veritas.
Input: One note
Setting: Fine
Output: One note of similar size containing an excerpt from the 1641 treatise 'Meditation on First Philosophy' by René Descartes in Latin. Note reads: 'Ego sum, ego existo, quoties a me profertur, vel mente concipitur, necessario esse verum.' (English: 'I am, I exist, whenever it is uttered from me, or conceived by the mind, necessarily is true.').
Input: One note.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One note of similar size containing an excerpt from the essay 'An Essay Concerning Human Understanding' by Philosopher John Locke reading:
'This Source of Ideas, every Man has wholly in himself … And though it be not Sense, as having nothing to do with external Objects; yet it is very like it, and might properly enough be called internal Sense.'
Note: The goal of this test was communicating with SCP-914 and discovering if it's self-aware. Let's…write that one up as 'inconclusive'. - Dr. Veritas.
Test 914-0132
Name: Dr. Kowalski
Date: 09/02/2016
Total Items: Three copies of the February 9, 2016, edition of The New York Times
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the February 9, 2016, edition of the Cleveland, Ohio Plain Dealer. Cross-checking with another copy of this issue reveals the contents are identical.
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: Fine
Output: One copy of the February 9, 2016, edition of The New York Times. Cross-checking with another copy of the issue reveals numerous differences in the text. These mainly consist of the correction of factual errors, as well as the markup of stylistic errors in a manner resembling that of a red pen.
Note: The film critic's column completely contradicts the original. - Dr. Kowalski
Input: One item mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One copy of the February 10, 2016 edition of The New York Times. Cursory examination of the result reveals large blank sections; the final four pages are completely devoid of any content. Contents of text and advertisements are in constant flux: articles about contemporaneous events appear and are revised only after the relevant events occur.
Note: Seems like we're seeing the draft take shape on the actual newsprint. Interesting. - Dr. Kowalski
Test 914-0133
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 15/02/2016
Total Items: Five complete decks of Tarot cards.
Input: One complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Coarse
Output: A fine dust containing particles of wood and plastic.
Input: One complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Rough
Output: A loose pile of ink-stained cards.
Input: One complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: 1:1
Output: A complete deck of Tarot cards, shuffled.
Input: One complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Fine
Output: A deck of Tarot cards with three drawn out and placed in a row in front of it: an upside-down King of Cups, an upside-down III - The Empress, and a right-side-up Two of Cups.
Input: One complete deck of Tarot cards
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An orbicular device resembling a "Magic 8-Ball,” composed entirely of wood and plastic. The device accurately and consistently answered simple questions. Stored securely for future testing.
Note: I asked it if I would have any girlfriends for the next two years. The answer is more depressing than I thought. - Dr. Wittig
Input: One Tarot card, removed from one of the previous decks
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small business card with the words "Doctor Hadian will win the Lottery tonight" printed neatly on it.
Note: That last one didn't come true. Figures. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0134
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 18/03/2016
Total Items: Three homemade "stress balls" made from balloons and rice grains.
Input: One of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: 1:1
Output: A small bean bag, similar to that used by professional jugglers.
Input: One of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: Fine
Output: An unaltered stress ball. A stress ball that, at random intervals between a minute and five minutes in length, hurls itself at the face of the person in closest proximity to it. If the face is covered or otherwise protected, it will alternatively aim for the stomach or crotch. Object secured and destroyed.
Note: I'm guessing it took the idea of a "stress" ball very literally. Ouch. - Dr. Hadian
Input: One of the above-mentioned "stress balls"
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A palm-sized teddy bear, stuffed with plastic beads. The object is animate and seems to have a fascination with cuddling/nuzzling ankles and infrequently requests signs of affection. Object contained for further study.
Note: And whoever decides to look into this farther… be nice to the little guy, all right? - Dr. Hadian
Note: We're all thinking it and I'll be the one to say it. This is eerily similar to SCP-1048. Requesting it be fitted with a tracker. - Dr. Clinton
Test 914-0135
Name: Agent Acal
Date: 20/03/2016
Total Items: Five bottles of Johnnie Walker whiskey
Input: One bottle of whiskey
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of Lagavulin Scotch
Input: One bottle of whiskey
Setting: 1:1
Output: One bottle of vodka
Input: One bottle of whiskey
Setting: Fine
Output: One bottle of Balvenie 40-year-old whiskey
Input: One bottle of whiskey
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One unmarked 500ml glass bottle, filled with a clear, purple-flecked liquid. Liquid tastes like high-class bourbon and has an alcohol content of 55%. Subjects who ingest liquid report extreme euphoria.
Input: One bottle of whiskey
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of glass shards and a puddle of water and malt.
Input: One bottle of vodka, from a previous test
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Five miniature bottles of Kors Vodka.
Test 914-0136
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 30/03/2016
Total Items: Three unsolved Sudoku puzzles and three unsolved crossword puzzles.
Input: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle
Setting: 1:1
Output: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle. The numbers have been changed around; it no longer resembles the original puzzle.
Input: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle.
Setting: Fine
Output: A solved Sudoku puzzle, complete with margin notes and scribbling.
Input: An unsolved Sudoku puzzle.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A massive grid comprised of many smaller squares, resembling an enlarged Sudoku puzzle. The grid contains several characters not normally found in a standard 9x9 Sudoku square, including several Greek letters, various unidentified pictographs, arrows, and kanji.
Note: This result has been photocopied and enlarged if anybody wants to take a crack at it. - Dr. Hadian
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: 1:1
Output: An unsolved word search.
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: Fine
Output: A brief typed letter requesting the meanings of various short phrases, which are identical to the "clues" given in the crossword.
Input: An unsolved crossword puzzle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A crumpled-up piece of paper, launched at high velocity and trailing smoke.
Note: Yeah, I never really liked those things, either. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0137
Name: Dr. Greer
Date: 02/04/2016
Total Items: Three unopened spray cans of Fox Labs 'White Lighting' brand pepper spray.
Input: One spray can
Setting: Rough
Output: Several piles of metal and plastic scraps, several puddles of various chemicals, and a small puddle of oleoresin capsicum.
Input: One spray can
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unopened spray can of Fox Labs 'Mean Green' brand pepper spray.
Input: One spray can
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature chili pepper. Chemical testing revealed a Scoville heat rating of over 300 000 000, making it by far the hottest chili in the world.
Test 914-0138
Name: Dr. Ursini
Date: 20/04/2016
Total Items: Three 9mm magazines for a standard Glock 19.
Input: One magazine as stated above.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One magazine for the UMP45, with the same amount of ammunition, causing the magazine to be somewhat empty.
Input: One magazine as stated above.
Setting: Fine
Output: One magazine, seemingly identical to the input. Item has no effect when fired on inanimate objects. When fired at a human target, the target experiences traumatic memories of being shot and will fully believe that they have been shot, and will disregard others trying to tell them otherwise.
Note: Possible use for interrogation by the Foundation? - Dr. Ursini
Input: One magazine as stated above.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: When fired, the bullets actively seek out a human target. However, the bullet still loses velocity as per normal, and the turning speed of the bullet can cause it to orbit around a human until it loses all kinetic energy.
Note: Testing further with that magazine denied. We can't risk it flying through the corridors and causing a containment breach. - Dr Ursini
Test 914-0139
Name: Dr. Armond & Agent McKnight
Date: 06/05/2016
Total Items: Three copies of The Lord of the Rings, by J.R.R Tolkien.
Input: One copy of "The Lord of the Rings".
Setting: 1:1
Output: Three smaller books: one copy of "The Fellowship of the Ring", one copy of "The Two Towers", and one copy of "The Return of the King". It should be noted that these books make up the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy.
Input: One copy of "The Lord of the Rings".
Setting: Fine
Output: A polished, gold-colored ring made of compressed paper. On the ring was the poem described in "The Lord of the Rings", inscribed in Black Speech. When worn, it was found that the ring fits all sizes and grew or shrank to accommodate the wearer. No other anomalous properties were exhibited.
Input: One copy of "The Lord of the Rings".
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Book approximately one-third the page count of "The Lord of the Rings"; new book entitled "A New Shadow", plot centered around a boy called Eldarion. It should be noted that a book with the same title was scrapped by J.R.R Tolkien, and therefore, was never published.
Note: You can have the ring, Armond, but I want the book. I'm going to copy this thing. Any Tolkien fans want to read it? - Agent McKnight
Test 914-0140
Name: Dr. Sven
Date: 04/09/2016
Total Items: Three plastic Klein bottles.
Input: One Klein bottle
Setting: Coarse
Output: Small plastic cubes of various sizes
Input: One Klein bottle
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two Mobius strips
Input: One Klein bottle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] dimensional anomaly severely injured Dr. Sven when attempting to remove it. Item later imploded, leaving behind a pile of fine ground plastic.
Test 914-0141
Name: Dr. Geralds
Date: 05/11/2016
Total Items: Four printed images of a swastika
Input: One printed image of a swastika
Setting: 1:1
Output: One black and white photograph of Adolf Hitler. Confirmed to be a copy of an existing photograph.
Input: One printed image of a swastika
Setting: 1:1
Output: One printed image of the lotus symbol, which is common in Hindu iconography.
Input: One printed image of a swastika
Setting: Fine
Output: A portrait of Adolf Hitler, hand-painted in printer ink. Object does not seem to resemble any such portrait currently in circulation.
Input: One printed image of a swastika
Setting: Fine
Output: One highly detailed image of the Hindu god Lakshmi.
Test 914-0142
Name: Dr. Geralds
Date: 05/11/2016
Total Items: One silver ring originally belonging to D-23387, who described it as having been in her family "for generations", two silver rings identical to the one owned by D-23387
Input: One unmarked silver ring
Setting: Fine
Output: One silver pendant, of quality make.
Input: One unmarked silver ring
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One silver bracelet. While wearing the bracelet, the subjects reports feeling an increase in confidence and physical attractiveness. No further anomalous properties exhibited. Object placed in containment for further study.
Input: One unmarked silver ring, previously owned by D-23387
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One silver ring engraved with the phrase 'in loving memory of █████ █████'. █████ █████ is confirmed to be a deceased relative of D-23387. Object placed into containment.
Note: This, combined with the last test, seems to strongly suggest that SCP-914 acts on the 'meaning' humans apply to objects, rather than any self-aware view of them. This certainly explains some of the behavior of SCP-914, but I still feel like we're missing something. - Dr. Geralds
Test 914-0143
Name: Dr. ██████
Date: 10/11/2016
Total Items: Three 512GB thumb drives containing modern software for generation and multiplication of prime numbers, of the type used in cryptography.
Input: One thumb drive, as described above
Setting: 1:1
Output: One thumb drive, containing the first [REDACTED] prime numbers.
Input: One thumb drive, as described above
Setting: Fine
Output: One thumb drive containing software designed to solve a variety of different known codes and ciphers, as well as some that are currently undocumented.
Input: One thumb drive, as described above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One thumb drive. Object appears to have an internal quantum computing system, and when given encoded data, will [REDACTED] compared to any modern system. Object placed into containment for further study.
Test 914-0144
Name: Researcher F████████
Date: 20/04/2017
Total Items: Three non-magnetic 1-kilogram chunks of magnetite with an iron content of 50% by mass. Magnetite acquired from the [REDACTED] badlands.
Input: One 1-kilogram chunk of magnetite, 50% iron content.
Setting: Fine
Output: One magnetized 1-kilogram cube of magnetite, with a magnetic field strong enough to cause compasses up to 10 meters away to point directly at it.
Input: Two 1-kilogram chunks of magnetite, 50% iron content.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 1-kilogram chunk of pure iron, and one 1-kilogram chunk of minerals revealed to have the same chemical composition as rock found in the [REDACTED] badlands.
Test 914-0145
Name: Dr. Margeon
Date: 05/05/2017
Total Items: Five plush bears.
Input: One plush bear.
Setting: Rough
Output: A large mound of stuffing and torn-up fabric. Aforementioned fabric also had burns.
Input: One plush bear.
Setting: Coarse
Output: One ball of stuffing wrapped in fabric of bear.
Input: One plush bear.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One plush dog.
Input: One plush bear.
Setting: Fine
Output: Aforementioned bear is remade out of velvet, and is soft to the touch.
Input: One plush bear.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One animated plush bear. Subject is harmless, and will "piggyback" on anyone that it is curious about. It then will proceed to show large amounts of affection to the carrier. Subject is currently being tested before clearing release to Dr. Margeon.
Test 914-0146
Name: Dr. Grunsberg
Date: 31/03/2009
Total Items: Five DVD copies of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Input: One DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Rough
Output: One small pile of polycarbonate plastic in powder form alongside trace amounts of ink.
Input: One DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Coarse
Output: One blank DVD-RW circa year 2000
Input: One DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: 1:1
Output: Seven celluloid film reels adding up to a full showing of 1999 film "The Matrix" plus trailers for films to release that same year
Input: One DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Fine
Output: One damage-resistant DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Input: One damage-resistant DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Fine
Output: One Blu-Ray drive readable copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix", exact disc format unknown. As well as possessing the high resistance of the first "Fine" output, the "Extras" section of this disc was found to contain twenty thousand times more material than present on the market product, of which SCP-914's version included (but was not limited to): all footage shot for behind-the-scenes featurettes; complete footage of every actor and actress auditions by film's directors, regardless of final employment; all raw unedited footage shot by main cameras for "The Matrix"; all 3D models and 2D assets used to create visual effects for "The Matrix"; every sound effect and musical cue in isolated audio files, including all unused material, with full Hollywood orchestration for concepts scrapped or forgotten by the film's composer, plus dozens of remixes for licensed tracks.
Note: After multiple tests to ensure minimal levels of danger, disc was included in carefully-constructed anonymous package designated for delivery to household of one L███ W████████. Due to last-second discovery of sensitive production notes on disc that could jeopardize stability of film's parent production company, package was intercepted halfway to destination.
Input: One Blu-Ray drive readable copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix", exact disc format unknown
Setting: Fine
Output: One ████████-readable physical storage medium. Object initially unreadable. However, after eight months of development, a prototype for a new kind of storage reader (████████) was built by Foundation researchers. Upon successful reading, researchers found object to contain a bewildering array of data. Dr. ██████ estimated that 99.999926% of content is entire raw, non-anomalous █████ ███ █████ ██████ ██ ███ █████ ████ dating back to roughly 1877. The new unit of storage also features a 30-hour-long documentary series ("A History Tinted Green") which explores how "The Matrix" fits into this timeline. Various figures are interviewed in a featureless white room by what appears to be a young K█████ R█████. Of note is a joint interview of Samuel Clemens and Joseph Campbell.
Note 1: Dr. █████, a noted film enthusiast, entered a destructively excited emotional state upon learning of breadth of content, and, for project's protection, has been denied access to laboratory for study's duration. Requests for specific data from the object, however, are not to be rejected. No extraordinary data handling rules currently require enforcement, although this may change if Dr. █████'s interest becomes a dangerous obsession. The object will be tested to discern if recreation of new medium falls within safe limits.
Input: One DVD copy of 1999 motion picture "The Matrix"
Setting: Coarse
Output: One heavily-worn VHS home video of Japanese schoolchildren acting out 1999 motion picture "The Matrix" in backyard.
Addendum: One child has been successfully identified, with the others in progress. Approximately nine Foundation-tested anonymous packages are being designed, with fractal-remastered content to be included within.
Note: One package air-mailed to address in Fukushima.
Test 914-0147
Name: Dr. Maguire
Date: 11/05/2017
Total Items: Three 'Marshall' brand speaker systems.
Input: One 'Marshall' brand speaker system.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One 'Sony' brand speaker system. Sound quality was identical between the two, despite the differing manufacturers and materials.
Input: One 'Marshall' brand speaker system.
Setting: Fine
Output: One speaker system of unknown brand. When turned on and provided with music, sound produced was indistinguishable from the quality and timbre of a live performance by instrumentation.
Input: One 'Marshall' brand speaker system.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One black sphere, assumed to be a single continuous speaker. When approached by D-9566, object scanned his head, emitted a sharp electronic beep, and began to emit sound at around 150 decibels. Mild structural damage was done to the test chamber, and all personnel within 500 m of the chamber sustained hearing damage of varying degrees, from temporary damage to permanent loss. Activation event was ended when Agent Kane opened fire on the object with his sidearm. While these shots missed the object, they did impact with D-9566, killing him and ceasing the event.
Note: I can't believe the last thing I ever heard was Barry Manilow. We couldn't have found a D-Class with better music taste? - Dr. Maguire
Test 914-0148
Name: Dr. T████
Date: 15/05/2017
Total Items: Three 50 pence coins. The first is a "Britannia" Issue coin minted in 1997 (one of the most common designs used), the second is a "Coat of Arms" Issue coin minted in 2012 (another very common design), and the third is a "Kew Gardens" Issue coin minted 2009 (one of the rarest coins in circulation, and highly sought after by collectors).
Input: One "Britannia" Issue 50p coin, dated 1997
Setting: Fine
Output: One "Britannia" Issue 50p coin, dated 2008. Output is notably less tarnished than input.
Input: One "Coat of Arms" 50p coin, dated 2012
Setting: Fine
Output: Six coins, each of a different denomination of British Currency. All are in the post-2008 Coat of Arms style, although the date on each coin varies between 2008 and 2014.
Input: One "Kew Gardens" 50p coin, dated 2009
Setting: Fine
Output: One 20p coin, with no date.
Note: In 2008, due to a mistake at the Royal Mint, a single batch of 20p coins were minted without a date. These "dateless" 20p coins are highly sought after by collectors, in a similar manner to the input coin.
Test 914-0149
Name: Agent Reed
Date: 21/05/2017
Total Items: Five [REDACTED] brand recording microphones
Input: One microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile containing coil, wire, and various metal sheets
Input: One microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Coarse
Output: Same microphone as mentioned above, heavily worn and rusted.
Input: One microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: 1:1
Output: Different brand of microphone, slightly golden.
Input: One microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Fine
Output: Vintage microphone, confirmed to be from the 1970's. Later confirmed to be identical to the microphone used at Elvis Presley's last concert.
Input: One microphone, as mentioned above
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A highly reflective, blue microphone. Audio recorded on the microphone has no correlation to any nearby sounds. Audio is often completely random, containing popping, banging, ringing, etc. After prolonged exposure to these sounds, subjects report feeling nauseous and paranoid.
Note: This could be used as some sort of interrogation device, I'll keep it in the Site-██ armory, if anyone wants to use it. - Agent Reed
Test 914-0150
Name: Dr. T████
Date: 11/05/2017, 18/05/2017, 25/05/2017
Total Items: Three £10 notes. one will be used for each test. Each test will occur at 12:00pm GMT.
Input: One £10 note
Setting: 1:1
Output: HK$100
Note: Hong Kong was previously British territory prior to 1997. It is unknown whether SCP-914 chose HKD by chance or if it chose this currency due to Hong Kong's prior association with Great Britain, although the fact that it chose to use a note from the pre-handover era lends to the latter theory. Also of note is that HK$100 was, at the time of the test, almost equal in value to the £10 used as an input.
Input: One £10 note
Setting: 1:1
Output: Two £5 notes, both from the same year as the input.
Input: One £10 note
Setting: 1:1
Output: €11.60
Note: This was, on the day of the test, almost equal to the value of the money used as an input. - Dr. T████
Test 914-0151
Name: Researcher Mason
Date: 26/05/2017
Total Items: Four LEGO X-wing starfighter construction sets, unopened
Input: One LEGO X-wing starfighter construction set, unopened
Setting: Rough
Output: A heap of molten plastic, wood pulp, and various inks
Input: One LEGO X-wing starfighter construction set, unopened
Setting: 1:1
Output: One LEGO TIE fighter construction set, unopened
Input: One LEGO X-wing starfighter construction set, unopened
Setting: Fine
Output: A fully assembled LEGO X-wing. Upon further examination, various mechanisms and devices were discovered inside the X-wing, such as electronically operated landing gear, wings, lights, and canopy.
Input: One LEGO X-wing star fighter construction set, unopened
Setting: Very Fine
Output: X-wing flew out of Output booth at 72 km/h and shot heated plasma at any personnel in its way, resulting in ██ casualties. Object broke out of Site-██ and left the atmosphere in 12 seconds. Current location is unknown.
Test 914-0152
Name: Dr. Geralds
Date: 03/06/2017
Total Items: Three lithium-ion batteries, manufactured by A123Systems
Input: One lithium-ion battery
Setting: 1:1
Output: One lithium-ion battery, manufactured by the Chinese company Hunan Shanshan Toda Advanced Materials Co., Ltd.
Input: One lithium-ion battery
Setting: Fine
Output: One object that resembles an unmarked lithium-ion battery. Closer inspection revealed that much of the internal mass of the battery had been converted into a radioactive isotope of [REDACTED], deriving power from its nuclear decay, with a design very similar to that used in many spacecraft. Object placed into storage.
Input: One lithium-ion battery
Setting: Very Fine
Output: When the output door opened, air rushed into the output chamber as if a vacuum had been present within. The object is a black cube with two electrical nodes on the top, 15 cm across, and weighing exactly the weight of the input battery plus the air in the chamber. The object is unmarked, with the exception of a small printing on one side, warning users that the object contained antimatter, and advising caution. Antimatter composition of object has not yet been confirmed, but has shown no limit to energy capacity. Object currently under testing.
Note: I think we should refrain from putting anything with a lot of potential energy into SCP-914 in the future. If the pressure wave from the air had damaged the output, all of Site-██ could have been destroyed. Not a pleasant thought. - Dr. Geralds
Test 914-0153
Name: Dr. Kobylka
Date: 06/05/2017
Total Items: One Crayola brand crayon, standard red color, one Crayola brand marker, standard red color
Input: One Crayola brand crayon, standard red color
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One vibrant red crayon, no wrapping or any form of brand mark
Note: After testing the crayon, the crayon mark seems to radiate heat and light with a red hue. Crayon put in storage for further testing.
Input: One Crayola brand Marker, standard red color
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One marker, no brand mark. Removing the cap reveals a bright red tip. Tip stays bright despite the level of light in the room it occupies. Marks made by the output glow red and radiate heat in a similar way to the last object.
//Note: Testing proves that both the crayon and marker are safe, they have been subsequently placed in the lounge.
Test 914-0154
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 08/07/2017
Total Items: Three comforters, fitted for twin-size beds.
Input: One of the comforters
Setting: 1:1
Output: A quilt of similar make and size.
Input: One of the comforters
Setting: Fine
Output: A hand-crafted blanket. The thread count is notably high and the surface has a sleek, silky feel, but the mass is unaltered.
Input: One of the comforters
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A comforter that has shown moderately anomalous properties. Testing with a few voluntary subjects shows that wrapping them up in the blanket, such that it covers around 80% of their body, results in a sense of security and well-being. Subjects wrapped in it and laid on their back report drowsiness and lose consciousness exactly 300 seconds later. The subject remains unconscious until the blanket is removed, at which point they awaken, reporting a restful sleep. Additionally, during this rest period, minor injuries and afflictions disappear, including scrapes, bruises, and in one case, a nasty cold.
Note: Well, that's enough from me for tonight. Someone wake me at 8, will you? - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0155
Name: Dr. Collins
Date: 17/08/2017
Total Items: Five New generic brand skateboard wheels w/ bearings
Input: One green wheel
Setting: Rough
Output: A few chunks of unformed green rubber and plastic, as well as a small pile of steel dust.
Input: One green wheel
Setting: Course
Output: Disassembled green skateboard wheel. Appears to have been used heavily and shows scuff marks and discoloration.
Input: One green wheel
Setting: 1:1
Output: One red wheel of identical make and quality.
Input: One green wheel
Setting: Fine
Output: One unmarked black wheel of almost perfect quality. The outer rubber of the wheels greatly resists wear even with prolonged use, and the center bearing exhibits almost no friction, and was successfully left spinning in a vacuum sealed environment for just under ██ days.
Input: One green wheel
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One bearing, suspended by an invisible outer wheel of unknown material. Although invisible, the outer wheel physically exists and appears to use higher-dimensional translations to redirect the force of gravity and propel the object forward at at about half the speed of free fall. The wheel can be easily stopped at low speeds, but gains momentum quickly while unhindered. Prospective researchers should note that under the influence of gravity the wheel will always retain a 1/4mg horizontal force, even while at rest.
Note: And they say you can't reinvent the wheel. - Dr. Collins
Addendum: Following the collision of a Class-D personnel with Dr. ████ at ██ mph, all human testing has been suspended until Dr. ████ can come up with proper testing procedures.
Test 914-0156
Name: Dr. Hadiane
Date: 19/08/2017
Total Items: Three collections of children's toys made from magnets and ball bearings
Input: One magnet and bearing set
Setting: 1:1
Output: A collection of interlocking plastic rods. The tips of each are magnetised.
Input: One magnet and bearing set
Setting: Fine
Output: A series of magnetic rods and metal balls that appear to be self-replicating and self-assembling. Current structure is a pyramid roughly half a meter wide and tall. This structure shows no other anomalous properties and has been safely contained.
Input: One magnet and bearing set
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A fine metal dust that exhibits similar properties to the "Fine" result, appearing to resolve itself into crystalline structure. It can be safely molded by hand, with the rough consistency of hot wax, and can be pulled apart without much effort. Class-D personnel who touched the substance barehanded reported a feeling of delight, and continued to play with it even as it encased their hands. Subjects were pulled away without injury and the substance has been contained.
Note: Well, it certainly seems like a fun little toy to play with, but I'm fairly certain this isn't safe by any metric. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0157
Name: Dr. C. Ahearna
Date: 21/08/2017
Total Items: Three Samsung Galaxy phones
Input: One Samsung Galaxy phone.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Apple iPhone.
Input: One Samsung Galaxy phone.
Setting: Fine
Output: A cell phone of unknown make or model, still using the same Android Operating System as before. The device seems to have the capability to use cellular data even while out of range of any cell towers. More testing is required.
Input: One Samsung Galaxy phone.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A black, malleable circular disk with a single button on the back. Pressing the button causes a hologram to begin projecting from a small LED-like device on the front. The hologram functions as an operating system for the device, which like the output produced by the Fine setting never loses cellular service. More testing is required.
Note: I think we should reverse engineer the holographic phone produced by the Very Fine test, it could potentially be an amazing business opportunity if we can figure out how to reproduce it. - Dr. Ahearna
Test 914-0158
Name: Dr. Greer
Date: 30/08/2017
Total Items: Five blank keycards, not loaded with cryptographical access codes. Intended to be used by technicians to test new card readers.
Input: One keycard
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of ground PVC plastic and approximately half a gram (0.5g) of magnetic composite material.
Input: One keycard
Setting: Coarse
Output: One blank keycard, cut in half.
Input: One keycard
Setting:1:1
Output: One SCP Foundation identification card. The card appeared to belong to "John Doe" and was filled out with similar generic information.
Input: One keycard
Setting: Fine
Output: One clearance level five keycard. The card was demagnetized and discarded.
Input: One keycard
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One keycard, belonging to a nonexistent company, "Arwachenzelli". Upon insertion into a keycard reader, it will cause an immediate short-circuit.
Test 914-0159
Name: Dr. Mason
Date: 07/09/2017
Total Items: Five real-time location beacons, standard Foundation issue.
Note: The area above and around SCP-914 was set with receivers before this test. In this test, all directional notation is relative to the central "Intake" and "Output" booths, i.e., a subject standing at the mainspring is facing "North".
Input: One tracking beacon
Setting: Rough
Output: Small amounts of various scrap metals and other composite materials of tracking beacons.
Path: Within the first 0.15 seconds, the signal was traced to move 3.41 meters "North" before turning exactly 91 degrees. Signal was lost after another 0.3 meters.
Input: One tracking beacon
Setting: Coarse
Output: One tracking beacon, with battery and transceiver unit removed. No other visible damage.
Path: While again initially traveling "North" for 3.41 meters, the tracking device remained functional for almost twice the amount of time as the first trial. This path appeared to follow the outer edges of the rectangular main body of SCP 914 before the signal was lost.
Note: I wonder if there are set paths that each setting follows. - Dr. Mason
Input: One tracking beacon
Setting: 1:1
Output: One unlabeled tracking beacon consistent with those used by Canadian counter-terrorist groups.
Path: "North" for 3.41 meters. Signal then moves towards one of the "Southwestern" outer segments of SCP-914, where it repeatedly follows an equilateral triangle for 0.13 seconds before losing signal. Analysis of received signals shows a new signal retracing a path back to the booths.
Note: Seriously, though. What is that first bit Northward for? I've checked the recordings, it does that in every test. Every. Single. One. - Dr. Mason
Input: One tracking beacon
Setting: Fine
Output: One apparent tracking beacon, components consistent with Foundation-specific requirements. Tracking beacon is smaller than standard, with certain unknown components. Testing revealed it to be fully operational, although signal was lost mid-test, as the output ran a different operating system.
Path: "North" for 3.63 meters. "South-southeast" for 0.7 meters. Accelerates in the opposite direction for four meters before signal cutoff.
Note: So, I was talking to a colleague about my testing, and they said that the Fine output sounded familiar. Turns out the smaller beacon and the new OS are both prototypes right now. Guess we end up using them. - Dr. Mason
Input: One tracking beacon
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One thin strip of translucent film, shown to be attachable with static cling. Discovered to be remarkable resilient for its size when D-1126 tore a fingernail pulling it off of the wall of the Output Booth. Currently unreadable.
Path: "North" for 3.41 meters. Subsequently appears to reach all parts of SCP-914, although high speeds prevented receivers from accurately tracking the path.
Note 1: Well, that was disappointing. At least I got a strip of fancy tape. Hopefully I'll be able to get something out of the prior results. - Dr. Mason
Note 2: So, turns out if you let that tape stick itself to your hand, you can draw the paths of whatever it recorded. You also draw a legend, and what appears to be a menu screen. I'm going to try to get this put onto a D-Class to preserve my wrists. - Dr. Mason
Note 3: Wow. So, not only did the new tracker record its own movements, it somehow recorded ALL of the movements. Of EVERYTHING that 914 has worked on over the last three months. I think I've finally gotten 914 to work with us, albeit with a lot of analysis involved. This is amazing. - Dr. Mason
Note 4: [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I thought it would make sense for ONCE. But no, it had to be messing with us again. One of my interns - sorry, Junior Researchers - found out that, if you superimpose all the paths from the tracker, you get a 3D image of the Foundation logo. It's pretty for art drawn in GPS, but it still makes this whole project meaningless. Piece of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] doesn't follow set paths. It does whatever it wants. - Dr. Mason
Note 5: Dr. Mason has been placed on psychological leave due to apparent stress. Junior Researcher Chen has taken over. Analysis of the object paths taken will continue. - O5 Command
Test 914-0160
Name: Dr. Praetorious
Date: 15/09/2017
Total Items: Five promotional Audio Compact Discs, “Banana Pancakes” by Jack Johnson
Input: One Disc
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded multi-colored reflective polycarbonate plastic coated with aluminum.
Input: One Disc
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pools of yellow and black ink (most likely from label), aluminum and polycarbonate plastic pellets.
Input: One Disc
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Audio compact disc, “Ain't No Reason” by Brett Dennen
Input: One Disc
Setting: Fine
Output: One Apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, they commented on the superior quality of the music and a lasting preference for Jack Johnson’s singing, requesting more of his works (measurement of the duration of musical preference in progress).
Input: One Disc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One Apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, test subjects mentioned tasting maple syrup and bananas, additionally had a feeling of fullness afterwards. They declined offers of food for a period of 4 hours afterwards, and blood tests immediately after the experiment indicated the consumption of a high carbohydrate meal, even though no food had been consumed by the subjects for 6 hours previously. No other anomalous effects were reported.
Note: Interesting results. Let’s see what happens with a different CD. - Dr. ██████
Test 914-0161
Name: Dr. Praetoreous
Date: 16/09/2017
Total Items: Five Audio Compact Discs, “Toxic” by Britney Spears
Input: One Disc
Setting: Rough
Output: Shredded multi-colored reflective polycarbonate plastic, coated with aluminum.
Input: One Disc
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pools of black and red ink (most likely from label), aluminum and polycarbonate plastic pellets.
Input: One Disc
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Audio compact disc, “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera
Input: One Disc
Setting: Fine
Output: One apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, they commented on the extreme skill of the singing. Subsequently stomach pains and nausea were reported. Anomalous effects continued for approximately 36 hours after the test.
Input: One Disc
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One apparently unchanged compact disc. However when played for D-class personnel, an immediate euphoric effect was noted, with certain individuals weeping with emotion and others falling over with apparent rictus smiles on their face. Soon after the effects were noted additional symptoms were exhibited, including seizures, jaundice, and vomiting. The experiment was immediately ended, however researcher A-1 ████ was injured by D-17645 while attempting to turn off the disc player, begging the researcher to allow him to continue listening to the music.
Security proceeded to restrain the remaining ambulatory D-class personnel long enough for ██████ to deactivate the player. Physical examinations and testing of the individuals exposed to the music revealed the presence of a previously unknown euphoric-inducing toxin in their bloodstreams. Chelation was performed, but one individual expired from a combination of kidney failure, liver failure, and cardiac necrosis.
Note: Let’s try and avoid any more CDs that might be interpreted as "dangerous". It might be a good idea to just get a Lawrence Welk single and see if people get drunk. - Dr. ██████
Test 914-0162
Name: Dr. P
Date: 10/10/2017
Total Items: Five Four copies of the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix"
Input: One Book
Setting: Rough
Output: Large pile of shredded and burnt paper
Input: One Book
Setting: Coarse
Output: Book Cover, all pages of the book ripped out and scattered around the empty cover.
Input: One Book
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", but in Spanish.
Input: One Book
Setting: Very Fine (Note: Input was supposed to be set to "Fine")
Output: One paper Phoenix, weighing 2.65 lb (same weight as a copy of the book). The Phoenix then attacked the remaining two copies of the book (the remaining English copy, and the Spanish copy from the previous test) and attempted to attack personnel. It was killed with only minor paper cuts to Dr. P.
Test 914-0163
Name: Dr. Dextrainia
Date: 11/10/2017
Total Items: One Remington 870 shotgun (no bullets chambered), fifteen 9mm bullets, and one Beretta M9 handgun.
Input: One Remington 870 shotgun
Setting: Fine
Output: One Mossberg pump shotgun. When fired, acted normal for a mossberg and was discarded to the armory locker after testing and no other anomalies were found to be present.
Input: Fifteen 9 millimeter bullets
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Nine millimeter bullets that when fired from a Beretta M9 handgun home to the nearest signs of life. In the event of testing, a security guard was hit and killed. The cause of death was not from a wound, but from cardiac arrest. The bullets were discarded.
Note: I'm not sure if the bullets should be used as actual ammunition as they pose a huge threat to other personnel. I'm requesting that testing of bullets on very fine is prohibited. - Dr. Dextrainia
Note: Granted. - O5-7
Test 914-0164
Name: Dr. Simonson
Date: 12/10/2017
Total Items: Three jars of crude oil
Input: One jar of crude oil.
Setting: Rough
Output: One jar of solid asphalt.
Note: The jar was unharmed, strangely. - Dr. Simonson
Input: One jar of crude oil.
Setting: Fine
Output: One jar of gasoline.
Input: One jar of crude oil.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One jar of LPG. Aforementioned gas quickly escaped after opening the “output” door.
Note: I probably should’ve sealed it. - Dr. Simonson
Test 914-0165
Name: Dr. Reece
Date: 13/10/2017
Total Items: Five generic gum balls, assorted colors, commonly found in grocery store $.25 candy dispensers.
Input: One purple gum ball
Setting: Rough
Output: Melted puddle of gum, separate puddle of purple food coloring.
Input: One red gum ball
Setting: Course
Output: Separate piles of dextrose, corn syrup, gum base, corn starch, and red food dyes.
Input: One green gum ball
Setting: 1:1
Output: One everlasting gobstopper.
Input: One blue gum ball
Setting: Fine
Output: One blue gum ball. Outer shell was a much glossier blue than input gum ball. When chewed, subject reported that the flavor was that of farm ripened blueberries.
Input: One yellow gum ball
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One shiny yellow gum ball. Gum appears to glow faintly in low light. Testing indicates no source for this glow. When chewed, subject reported feelings of euphoria. Subject indicated that the gum reminded them of their favorite childhood meal, but couldn't elaborate as to what the flavor actually was. Flavor apparently does not fade away as with normal chewing gum.
Note: The everlasting flavor seems to be further indication that this thing modifies objects based on our perception of them. Everyone wishes gum would keep its flavor for more than a few minutes. - Dr. Reece
Test 914-0166
Name: Dr. Simonson
Date: 23/10/2017
Total items: Three ordinary keys from the lost-and-found room.
Input: One key
Setting: Coarse
Output: A drill bit. Subject was made of brass, as was the input item.
Input: One key
Setting: 1:1
Output: A padlock. Subject can be opened by a replica of the input key.
Input: One key
Setting: Very fine
Output: A perfect copy of SCP-005, including its anomalous properties. Subject is now contained at Site-██.
Test 914-0167
Name: Dr. Ashwood
Date: 24/10/2017
Total items: Three wool blankets
Input: One wool blanket
Setting: Coarse
Output: A pile of unrefined wool.
Input: One wool blanket
Setting: 1:1
Output: A cotton blanket of identical mass and thickness.
Input: One wool blanket
Setting: Very fine
Output: An extremely light-absorbent blanket made out of an unidentified material. When given to D-class personnel, feeling was described as "extremely comfortable."
Note: I'm going to be taking this one home for some extra… research. Yeah. - Dr. Ashwood
Note: Rumours have circulated around the building that Dr. Ashwood was seen cuddling with her blanket several hours after testing in the mess hall. Reminder that it is very unprofessional to spread rumours about other personnel.
Test 914-0168
Name: Dr. Westrin
Date: 11/11/2017
Total Items: One piece of paper referencing [DATA EXPUNGED]
Input: One piece of paper referencing [DATA EXPUNGED]
Setting: Fine
Output:
Test 914-0169
Name: Researcher █████████
Date: 08/12/2017
Total Items: One 10 kg ingot of copper, one 10 kg ingot of tin, one 500 g block of wood, one 100 g spool of cloth, one 50 g nugget of copper, one 50 g nugget of tin, 2.5 g of wood, a 0.5 g patch of cloth, and two photographs of SCP-914.
Input: One 10 kg ingot of copper, one 10 kg ingot of tin, one 500 g block of wood, one 100 g spool of cloth, one photograph of SCP-914
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One miniature model of SCP-914 weighing the same as all input materials, including the photograph. The model possesses all features of the original, including complex miniaturized clockwork, intake booths and a miniature setting knob and mainspring key.
The miniature model was tested to determine if it functioned similarly to SCP-914.
Input: One 50 g nugget of copper, one 50 g nugget of tin, 2.5 g of wood, a 0.5 g patch of cloth, one photograph of SCP-914
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One even smaller model of SCP-914 weighing the same as all input materials, including the photograph. The model possesses all features of the original, including complex miniaturized clockwork, intake booths and a miniature setting knob and mainspring key.
Note: It's SCP-914 all the way down. - Researcher █████████
Test 914-0170
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 18/12/2017
Total Items: One roll of yarn and one porcelain teapot, full
Input: The above items
Setting: Fine
Output: One teapot, still porcelain, of the same make as the input; however, it was filled with a viscous, multi-colored fluid. Additionally, the yarn was replaced with a length of brown string, that has a vaguely earthy scent to it. Further testing shows the teapot's contents to be chemically similar to organic fibers, particularly those found on the coats of several subspecies of sheep, while the string appears to be made from the remains of a plant of the family theaceae.
Note: How did it even do that? - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0171
Name: Dr. Obs
Date: 06/01/2018
Total Items: Two Tardis Flight Control Toys. (10th & 11th)
Input: One Tardis Flight Control Toy. (10th)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: The Tardis Flight Control Toy changed "Era" Going from 10th to 5th, Though a toy of this Era never existed.
Input: One Tardis Flight Control Toy. (11th)
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Same as Previous item.
Note: The cheeky bugger is saying 5th is better! - Dr. Obs
Test 914-0172
Name: Mr. Mellows (Linguistics)
Date: 20/01/2018
Total Items: Fifty English-Russian Dictionaries
Note: Let's see if we can luck into some known to unknown languages. All Fifty test will be done on the 1:1 setting. - Mellows
Input: One English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: one Swahili-Mongolian Dictionary.
Note: Yes! We're on the right track. - Mellows
Tests 2-35 omitted
Input: One English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Mayan hieroglyphs-Egyptian hieroglyphs Dictionary.
Note: I got excited there for a moment. Might need to look up the Rosetta stone. - Mellows
Tests 37-42 omitted
Input: One English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: one Klingon-Arabic Dictionary.
Note: Finally an alien language! - Mellows
Note: No, that's from a TV show. - Assistant Researcher
Note: …Damn. - Mellows
Input: One English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: Fine
Output: One Book listing Human foodstuff dishes for many occasions with (presumed) alien foodstuff dishes for those same occasions with images of normal human & (presumed) alien foodstuffs. The human dishes are in described in French, the alien dishes are described in an unknown language using the International Phonetic Alphabet.
Note: Who set this thing to Fine?! …Well, at least we now know how to cater to the aliens, and what their food is called. - Mellows
Tests 45-49 omitted
Input: One English-Russian Dictionary
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Braille English-Pictogram Dictionary.
Note: We got a limited understanding of alien food and not much else. I'll need to rethink my strategy here. - Mellows
Test 914-0173
Name: Dr. Sato
Date: 21/01/2018
Total Items: One copy of ●●|●●●●●|●●|●’s report
Input: One copy of ●●|●●●●●|●●|●’s report
Setting: 1:1
Output: Nothing
Note: Dr. Sato believes that rather than there having not been any output, but rather ●●|●●●●●|●●|● managed to retrieve it before any results could be examined.
Test 914-0174
Name: Dr. Ochre
Date: 25/01/2018
Total Items: One junction field effect transistor
Input: One junction field effect transistor
Setting: 1:1
Output: One miniature model of Jango Fett.
Note: Not a bad pun. - Dr. Ochre
Test 914-0175
Name: Dr. J P█████
Date: 07/02/2018
Total Items: Five IMI Desert Eagles chambered in .50AE, unloaded.
Input: One IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Rough
Output: Approx. 4.4 lb of metal chunks. Consists with the weight of one such Desert Eagle.
Input: One IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Coarse
Output: One fully disassembled Desert Eagle, each component sorted based on size.
Input: One IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: 1:1
Output: One IWI Jericho 941.
Note: The Jericho is a pistol also designed and manufactured by IMI with cosmetic similarities to the Desert Eagle.
Input: One IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Fine
Output: A small cannon, weighing 4.4 lb. The back is capable of being opened up to load one .50AE round. A small trigger is located on the top of the cannon.
Note: This brings a whole new meaning to a hand-cannon. Will place output in the site armory. - Dr. J P█████
Input: One IMI Desert Eagle .50AE
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small clockwork bird, appearance similar to that of a bald eagle. It appears to behave similar to an actual bald eagle, except far more docile.
Note: I don't know what I was expecting, but a clockwork bird was not even a possibility I thought of. On occasion, the bird seems to make varying pitch clicking in some form of melodic pattern. - Dr. J P█████
Update: It dawned on me that the pattern of notes it plays is to that of the American national anthem, "Star-Spangled Banner." I'm keeping it and naming it Kennedy. - Dr. J P█████
Test 914-0176
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 17/02/2018
Total Items: One printed copy of a Javascript program (created by Dr. Hadian for recreational purposes).
Input: The aforementioned manuscript
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A series of origami cranes that took off as soon as the chamber was open, flying in irregular patterns. Most of the cranes collided with the doorway and fell straight to the ground, exhibiting no further anomalous properties.
Note: The program input was an application similar to the app "Flappy Bird".
Note: That was interesting. I'll have to see about something a little more complex. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0177
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 17/02/2018
Total Items: One printed copy of a Javascript program (meant to be a "chat bot")
Input: The aforementioned manuscript
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small paper-mache head that spoke in a choppy, occasionally non-sequitur fashion. In spite of its ability to communicate, the head appears to lack true sentience, instead repeating back phrases taught to it and a few other basic English sentences.
Note: About what I expected. I could be mistaken, but it would appear that even though SCP 914 is a mechanical device, machine code is still somehow understood by it. This would make sense, with the interpretation that it functions based on the "meaning" of objects, and given the explicit functionality of most programming languages, we might be able to achieve more stable results this way. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0178
Name: Researcher Mikk
Date: 21/02/2018
Total Items: One printed copy of a Javascript program (self-learning chat bot), five kilograms of tin with 5% silver, 10 grams of copper, 500 grams of plastic
Note: This is a continuation of the tests of Dr. Hadian. - Researcher Mikk
Input: One printed copy of a Javascript program (self-learning chat bot), five kilograms of stainless steel, 10 grams of copper, 500 grams of plastic
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Same as the last time, but made of stainless steel. The voice was similar to the chatbot "Evie." When connected to a computer using an USB cable, it will start speaking to you similarly to the chatbot "Cleverbot." Further test logs awaiting O5 approval.
Note: The head is supposedly "sentient," according to the people who first talked to it, which could be wrong, because the program code was simple and when used in a normal computer, is not sentient.
Test 914-0179
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 22/02/2018
Total Items: One manuscript of a simple Javascript program, one fluorescent light bulb.
Note: The code in question was a program devised to have the bulb turn on if it was being held right-side up. This test is to see if SCP 914 will comply in fabricating such an object.
Input: The aforementioned materials
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A luminescent mass, opaque, with a smoky white color. The object could be moved without difficulty, but it would not rotate in any fashion except in a way that kept it perpendicular to the floor. In all attempts to defy this property, it has proven immobile, causing the tester's hand to slip, defying gravity, and in one case, shattering the shaft of a power tool rigged to turn it over.
Note: We'll chalk that one up as "inconclusive". Certainly an interesting paperweight, though. -Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0180
Name: Dr. Sato
Date: 24/02/2018
Total Items: One unloaded electric airsoft M16 Rifle
Input: One unloaded electric airsoft M16 Rifle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Pull-action crossbow with a hollow stock, three carbon fiber bolts with an electronic device serving as a bolt head.
Note: The mass of the bolts was equal to that of the original gun’s stock, which appeared to be made of carbon fiber. Researcher suspects that the device serves as a tracker but has no means of confirming it without potentially compromising the product.
Input: One of said carbon fiber bolts
Setting: Fine
Output: A single construction bolt with some sort of mechanism on it.
Note: Experimentation has revealed that the bolt is self screwing, using what is likely a small motor. The self screwing takes effect after light manual labor is applied.
Test 914-0181
Name: Dr. Hertz
Date: 28/02/2018
Total Items: Four assorted recordable compact-discs (CD-Rs) containing music samples
Input: One CD-R, containing a recording of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Fortunate Son (1969)
Setting: Rough
Output: One CD-R, containing a recording of Fortunate Son, later identified as being covered by The Shaggs, a 1960's rock band known for terrible performances. Notably, The Shaggs were not known to have ever performed this song.
Input: One CD-R, containing a recording of Neil Diamond's I'm a Believer (1967).
Setting: 1:1
Output: One CD-R, containing a recording of The Monkees' I'm a Believer (1967).
Input: One CD-R, containing a recording of the █████████ High School (located in ██████, ██) Class of ████ student orchestra performing Pachelbel's Canon in D.
Setting: Fine
Output: One CD-R, containing a professional orchestral rendition of Pachelbel's Canon in D. The performers were later identified as the Vienna Radio Symphony Orchestra.
Note: Dr. Hertz was noted to appear giddy and excited upon discovery of this result.
Input: One copy of Aeolian Memories, a self-published album of 21 songs composed, written, performed on guitar, and sung by Dr. Hertz in his spare time while moonlighting as a musical artist.
Setting: Very fine
Output: One CD-R. Upon further inspection, the music had been replaced with five tracks of complete silence, followed by the first chapters of the audiobooks Learn to Sing 101 by Karen Surmani, Teach Yourself to Play Guitar by David Brewster, and Songwriting for Dummies by Dave Austin, et al.
Note: At this point, Dr. Hertz was restrained and firmly escorted out of Research Cell 109-B for attempting to damage SCP-914 and yelling about "the [EXPLETIVE] what thinks it's being [EXPLETIVE] funny!" He has been temporarily suspended from the SCP-914 research program for unprofessional behavior.
Test 914-0182
Name: Dr. Rook, Technician █████
Date: 10/03/2018
Total Items: One manuscript of a Javascript program (self-learning chatbot), one manuscript of a Javascript program (Convolutional Neural Network model), one mechanical pocket watch, one photo of a bird (Pica sericea).
Note: The previous tests done with mechanical parts and code sections by Dr. Hadian and Researcher Mikk intrigued me. - Dr. Rook
Input: One manuscript of a Javascript program (self-learning chatbot), one manuscript of a Javascript program (Convolutional Neural Network model), one mechanical aluminum & silver pocket watch, one USB, one photo of a bird (Pica sericea).
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A mechanical bird roughly the size of a large pocket watch. Resembled a Korean Magpie in shape. The bird seemed to be made with a mix of clockwork and realistic metal plumage. By some unknown mechanism, it could hover for brief periods (roughly 45 seconds) in the air, though its base material- aluminum and silver- should’ve prohibited it from doing so. It could not speak in this form, though it displayed considerable intelligence and responded to people speaking to it. When connected to a computer via USB cable, the bird was able to speak through the computer’s speakers. It was capable of speech comparable to an eight-year-old child’s, though speech patterns significantly improved after several conversations. It acted remarkably similarly to a live magpie. Other than the mechanical bird, three folded sheets of blank paper were found in the output chamber. Close analysis revealed that they had no anomalous properties. Placed in item storage.
Note: I’m keeping the bird for some more research into how 914 could be used to create automated objects. One of the first tests recorded included a clockwork bird, so that’s where this came from. Dr. Hadrian was right! Think of the possibilities! - Dr. Rook.
Note: No matter how much Dr. Rook's 'Robbie' resembles a young child during communication, the result of this test has not yet been verified to be fully sentient.
Test 914-0183
Name: Dr. Joe
Date: 13/03/2018
Total Items: Three White Paper origami swans weighing 29g each.
Input: One Paper swan
Setting: Rough
Output: One Crumpled piece of white paper weighing 29g
Input: One Paper Swan
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Paper "fortune teller" popular with young schoolchildren with no writing on it weighing 29g.
Input: One Paper Swan
Setting: Fine
Output: One paper model of Cygnus buccinator (trumpeter swan) the size and mass of the original Origami swan. However this model is entirely anatomically correct to Cygnus buccinator in every way, with some organ systems being made of seemingly impossibly thin layers of paper. The model displays no anomalous properties.
Note: Interesting. 914 created a model of my personal favorite species of swan from the original paper one. Sentience or coincidence? I need to do more tests, but first make sure that model is saved in Fragile Non-Anomalous Item Storage, it could be useful at a later date. - Dr. Joe
Test 914-0184
Name: Dr. O’Bryan
Date: 25/03/2018
Total Items: Three different pieces of communication on paper medium.
Input: One typed thesis, titled “An Experimental Study on the Stress Limits of Metals in Corrosive Liquids”, as submitted by D-914-29.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One typed thesis, titled “A Complete Experimental Study on the Stress Limits of Metals in Various Environments”. A review of the output by the subject and subsequently studied by appropriate personnel revealed no anomalous properties. The output contains research on several experiments not included in the original input, with suggestions on how to vastly improve the strength of metals in a wide variety of situations. A review of the output is being conducted by the Facilities and Engineering Department to test to see if these findings can improve security within the Foundation.
Input: One page of sheet music from “Ellen’s Third Song” by Schubert, as submitted by D-914-86.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Tiny (5cm x 5cm x 2cm) origami music box. Upon opening the box, a clear melody identified as the song “Ellen’s Third Song” could be heard by all researchers in the area facility, including those who should be well out of range of being able to hear. Subject D-914-86 began singing along with the music, despite not showing any previous indication of knowing either Latin or taking singing lessons. After the conclusion of the piece, subsequent experiments confirmed that she could not sing.
Input: One copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, as submitted by D-914-77.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One slightly warmer copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. D-914-77 was sent back to their cell and monitored, showing no anomalous behavior after a week of review.
Note: D-914-77, and two guards have been reported as missing. Security footage shows the guards opening several doors and escorting D-914-77 off the premises, and driving them to a nearby restaurant. When a security team was sent there to retrieve the subject, a conflict began between the patrons of the restaurant and the security team, with the patrons refusing to allow the security team close to D-914-77. An order was given with O4 clearance to destroy the location, as a possible memetic anomaly may have occurred. Although the remains of D-914-77 have not been positively identified, security footage suggests that no one escaped the building prior to its demolition. Local media have been alerted to the fact that the destruction was caused by a broken gas main in the restaurant's kitchen.
Note: A full memetic screening will be made whenever media provided by SCP-914 is consumed. Please refer to Incident Report 914-IR6187 for further details.
Test 914-0185
Name: Dr. Manheim
Date: 25/03/2018
Total Items: One USB drive with a text file containing the source code of Creeper.
Note: Creeper was one of the first computer viruses ever made, and the systems it operated on are now 100% obsolete. Organic materials have been intentionally omitted from this test, in case SCP-914 decides to translate that into an actual biological virus. A hazardous materials team was on standby to make sure nothing that came out of 914 presented a threat to the facility or its occupants.
Input: Creeper source code on USB drive.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A metallic figure, green in color and vaguely phallic. The object self-destructed upon being removed from SCP-914, in a manner comparable to a commercial firework. The remains have shown no anomalous properties.
Note: Well, that was anticlimactic. - Dr. Manheim
Test 914-0186
Name: Doctor Q.
Date: 04/03/2018
Total Items: One camera, broadcasting to a monitor.
Input: One camera
Setting: 1:1
Output: 17 seconds after entering, video feed showed a series of gears before abruptly cutting off. Regained contact about 21 seconds before leaving the output door but from a different camera.
Test 914-0187
Name: Doctor Q.
Date: 04/03/2018
Total Items: One mirror.
Input: One mirror
Setting: 1:1
Output: A similar mirror in a different shape.
Note: That was disappointing, I'll try it on Fine. - Dr. Q.
Input: One mirror
Setting: Fine
Output: One mirror reflecting 100% of light.
Input: Previous mirror
Setting: Very Fine
Output: [DATA EXPUNGED] Doctor Q. went blind for about 5 minutes. Object destroyed.
Input: One blank sheet of paper.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Top half of SCP-571. Incinerated.
Test 914-0188
Name: Doctor Westrin
Date: 04/05/2018
Total Items: Two USB drives containing the first 500 digits of Pi.
Input: One USB drive as mentioned above.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A USB drive containing 500 seemingly random digits with no apparent pattern.
Input: One USB drive as mentioned above.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A USB drive containing an unknown number of digits. It is currently theorized that this number is Graham's Number due to the USB drive's storage size.
Test 914-0189
Name: Researcher M. Inselmann
Date: 12/04/2018
Total Items: Three copies of 'Mein Kampf,' by Adolf Hitler. Text in the original German.
Input: A copy of Mein Kampf
Setting: 1:1
Output: A book titled 'How to Make Friends, Influence People, and then Murder Them,' subtitled 'How to be a Dickhead for Dummies.' Text mostly consists of hyperbolic German profanity.
Input: A copy of Mein Kampf
Setting: Fine
Output: A pile of ashes.
Input: A copy of Mein Kampf
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate 45-centimeter tall origami caricature of Adolf Hitler. Object does not appear to be sapient, but is able to vocalize a non-stop stream of threats and boasts. Voice confirmed to be that of the original Adolf Hitler. Object also noted to often clumsily fall over or bump into walls while goose-stepping about. Object is harmless, and mildly regenerative (the origami will refold if disrupted), and can be kicked by researchers as a form of stress management at their discretion.
Note: Outside of the testing area please. I should not need to specify that. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0190
Name: Assistant Researcher Kendrick
Date: 13/04/2018
Total Items: Ten grams of table salt.
Input: Five grams of table salt
Setting: Fine
Output: Salt is compressed into the shape of a garden snail (Cornu aspersum). It broke apart when attempting to remove it from the booth.
Input: Five grams of table salt
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A garden snail composed of salt that was 'alive' for approximately five seconds before breaking apart.
Test 914-0191
Name: Researcher Riyanti S.
Date: 22/04/2018
Total Items: Four 2-cavity klystron power amplifier.
Input: One 2-cavity klystron power amplifier.
Setting: Coarse
Output: A disassembled klystron power amplifier. Size of individual component consistent with the dimension of original device.
Input: One 2-cavity klystron power amplifier.
Setting: 1:1
Output: One Traveling Wave Tube (TWT) power amplifier. Testing reveals identical performance to original klystron power amplifier. Further examination pending to determine any anomalous qualities.
Input: One 2-cavity klystron power amplifier.
Setting: Fine
Output: A device comprised of complex structure within presumably a resonating cavity, along with an electron source and output port on opposite side of each other. A flawed judgement of the device's structural integrity leads to the partial destruction of the device due to mishandling. The function or the capability of the device remains unknown.
Input: One 2-cavity klystron power amplifier.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: One ornate reflex klystron oscillator. The size of the device is noticeably smaller than original input. The device is adorned with unusual amount of ornament, depicting patterns consistent with GOI-004C ("Maxwellist's Church") iconography. Power output and bandwidth of the device remains within original specification.
Test 914-0192
Name: Dr. Catts
Date: 25/04/2018
Total Items: One brand-less TV remote
Input: One brand-less TV remote
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A TV remote that when pointed at an object, activated the corresponding control.
Note: Don't use the fast forward control on any more D-Class… we can pause them if they're being particularly annoying, maybe mute them? - Dr. Catts
Test 914-0193
Name: Dr. Zaxkeer
Date: 26/04/2018
Total Items: One page of instructions for a kinetoglyph
Input: One page of instructions for a kinetoglyph
Setting: Fine
Output: A small instruction manual displaying instructions for creating multiple complex kinetoglyphs. 87% of the instructions are not physically able to be performed by humans.
Note: I will gladly put this to use. - Dr. Zaxkeer
Test 914-0194
Name: Dr. Tiori
Date: 26/04/2018
Total Items: One Copy of “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim”, one USB Drive containing the entirety of the manga “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 5: Vento Aureo”
Input: One copy of “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim”
Setting: 1:1
Output: One copy of “The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion”
Input: One aforementioned USB drive
Setting: Fine
Output: One USB drive containing an animated adaptation of “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 5: Vento Aureo” with English subtitles.
Note: I’m just gonna … keep this for myself. For research, of course! - Dr. Tiori
Test 914-0195
Name: Prof. Snider
Date: 26/04/2018
Total Items: Five yellow Cavendish bananas.
Input: One banana
Setting: Rough
Output: A small pile of dry banana flour.
Input: One banana
Setting: Coarse
Output: Banana puree.
Input: One banana
Setting: 1:1
Output: One plantain.
Input: One banana
Setting: Fine
Output: Fried banana chips.
Input: One banana
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A banana-shaped bar of yellow soap. Surface feels slippery even when dry.
Test 914-0196
Name: Prof. Snider
Date: 26/04/2018
Total Items: Five 500mL samples of SCP-999's slime.
Note: SCP-999 was at first eager to donate samples when asked, although it was visibly nervous when presented with a syringe, requiring gentle reassurance and calming before cooperating. Samples were extracted successfully without further incident, though whether or not SCP-999 feels pain is still unknown.
Input: 500mL sample of SCP-999, poured directly into input chamber
Setting: Rough
Output: Cloud of orange-colored gas, which quickly dissipated into the air. No harmful effects were found, though Prof. Snider noted it "smelled like burning hair".
Input: 500mL sample of SCP-999
Setting: Coarse
Output: Pile of waxy, crystalline orange granules with a mild orange scent. Chemical analysis identified it as flavored sucrose, A.K.A. rock candy. When tasted, granules were found to have an extremely unpleasant flavor described as "overwhelmingly, disgustingly sweet with an alcohol-like undertaste".
Input: 500mL sample of SCP-999
Setting: 1:1
Output: 500mL of orange liquid with the viscosity of water. Extremely greasy to the touch, became sticky when dried. Smelled mildly of peanuts.
Input: 500mL sample of SCP-999
Setting: Fine
Output: A frozen block of SCP-999 slime. Attempting to melt back to liquid form resulted in a pile of orange sludge much thicker and more adhesive than before. Further heating resulted in discovering its napalm-like qualities.
Input: 500mL sample of SCP-999
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small, spherical blob of translucent, azure-colored slime roughly 12cm in diameter, with a strong garlic-like odor. Found to be mobile and sentient, and capable of making gurgling, chirping vocalizations similar to SCP-999 but at a much deeper pitch. The entity, designated "E-999-A", was immediately hostile to all staff, attempting to either leap upon researchers' faces or "headbutt" their shins via rolling across the floor at high speed, though its small size and mass prevented it from doing more than mild bruising.
Addendum: E-999-A was eventually contained and presented to SCP-999, with the assumption that this was its "offspring", and that SCP-999 could teach it to become more docile. SCP-999 instead reacted with immediate hostility, attacking E-999-A with its pseudopods while E-999-A rolled around SCP-999, emitting loud "growling" and "snarling" noises while dodging. SCP-999 finally eliminated E-999-A roughly two minutes later via engulfing it with two pseudopods, rapidly dissolving E-999-A inside its body similar to how SCP-999 digests its meals.
No change in SCP-999's color or demeanor following the incident has been noted, however, it is the first and thus far only time that SCP-999 has ever reacted to anything with hostility or violence. Mentioning E-999-A to SCP-999 results in it immediately "ignoring" whoever speaks to it, often by wandering off to play with a nearby object or person. Further research involving SCP-999's slime is temporarily suspended save for researchers with at least Level 3 clearance, and any experiments involving SCP-999 and SCP-914 are completely prohibited.
Note: Prof. Snider is currently facing disciplinary action due to violation of biological safety protocol. The next one I catch is losing their clearance indefinitely. - Dr. Veritas
Test 914-0197
Name: Dr. Pattinson
Date: 27/04/2018
Total Items: A pencil and a sketchbook.
Input: A pencil and a sketchbook; first page has the word "mouse" hand-written on it
Setting: 1:1
Output: A pencil and a sketchbook; first page has a drawing of the cartoon character Mickey Mouse.
Input: A pencil and a sketchbook; second page has the word "Bird" hand-written on it.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A pencil and a sketchbook; second page has a drawing of the cartoon character Tweety from the Looney Tunes.
Input: A pencil and a sketchbook; third page has the word "Girl" hand-written on it.
Setting: Fine
Output: A pencil and a sketchbook; third page has a detailed drawing of a young girl smiling accompanied by the aforementioned cartoon character Tweety and Mickey Mouse.
Note: Dr. Pattinson requested to temporarily stop the testing and was visibly distressed. Pattinson claimed it resembles his deceased daughter who enjoyed the characters. After a while, he insisted to continue after recollecting himself.
Input: A pencil and a sketchbook; fourth page has "914" hand-written on it.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A heavily used pencil and a sketchbook; The rest of the pages of the sketchbook were drawn on to create a flip-book style animation of gears turning.
Test 914-0198
Name: Dr. Hadian
Date: 28/04/2018
Total Items: Tax form 1040a (blank).
Input: Aforementioned tax form
Setting: Very fine
Output: A crumpled-up piece of paper. Dr. Hadian reported rapid-onset migraines on attempting to retrieve it, possibly due to anomalous properties.
Input: Previous output.
Setting: Rough
Output: A fine spray of sawdust, along with an unidentified black smoke that dissipated quickly. Remains showed no anomalous properties.
Note: That was cathartic. - Dr. Hadian
Test 914-0199
Name: Dr. Naismith
Date: 29/04/2018
Total Items: One credit card and one piece of paper.
Input: Dr. Naismith’s credit card
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A similar credit card covered with a series of unidentified corporate insignias and the phrase “RANK-ALEPH INFINITE MONEY PRIVILEGES.”
Note: Dr. Naismith, I didn’t think I need to remind you that SCP-914 is not to be used for personal financial gain, but it seems I was wrong. Consider this an official warning. -Dr. Coltrane
Input: A printout of the above note from Dr. Coltrane
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A printout of a note reading “Dr. Naismith, I didn’t even think of using SCP-914 for personal financial gain, but that seems like a solid idea. Consider this official permission to reap the fruits of your labor. -O5-11”
Note: Guess I have no choice but to keep the new card. I have written permission on file if anyone has any questions. -Dr. Naismith
