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Item #: SCP-XXXX Year: 1986
Make: Chevrolet
Object Class: Safe Model: Corvette (C4)
Style: Convertible

Vehicle Impound Procedures: A Class XY license, with valid date of birth, is required to access AVB-XXXX (Anomalous Vehicle Bay). Due to their increased susceptibility, middle-aged males experiencing marital crisis, occupational despair, or existential dread should have their licenses suspended.

Description: SCP-XXXX was first manufactured by the Chevrolet Division of General Motors in 1986. In spite of its age, this Corvette remains in pristine condition. No dings, dents, or scratches are visible. Forensic analysis provides no evidence of even the slightest imperfection, as if the vehicle just rolled off the assembly line.

Under what abnormal volition SCP-XXXX was restored has yet to be determined. No maintenance records have been recovered. However, the instrument panel appears to have been tampered with. The odometer registers sharp declines in mileage1 despite increased driving distances: a fraudulent attempt to slow the depreciation of older automobiles.

Nevertheless, these curiosities have not deterred motorists. At the time of containment, the proprietor of SCP-XXXX was 52 year-old Archibald C. Wheeler; a retired investment banker (colloquially known as a former "yuppie"). According to testimony from immediate family, Mr. Wheeler's health dramatically improved after purchasing SCP-XXXX. He experienced sudden weight loss, his aches and pains ceased, and even his receding hairline reversed. The subject's physical condition has not peaked since his "varsity days."

This age defying anomaly is directly correlated to the distance traveled in SCP-XXXX. As forward motion is achieved in three-dimensional space, the vehicle and its occupants experience the opposite reaction in 4D time. The human body, eluding aging, illness, and even timely death, reverses into biological youth. Even at higher velocities, an influx of hormones course through the driver's bloodstream. Testosterone levels surge and the prefrontal cortex de-matures, mimicking adolescence. For elderly men under emotional duress, these effects are particularly intoxicating.

While the motorist relishes in the full range of youthful capabilities, these rapid biomechanical alterations accelerate the deterioration of mental functions. Psychological dependence develops in a similar manner as anabolic steroids. Extended drivetime can trigger impulsive aggression, enhanced sexual appetite, and increased recklessness. As the victim regresses into early pubescence, frequent violent outbursts damage the fabric of familial relationships. These detrimental effects were contributing factors in the unfortunate outcome of Incident XXXX-G.

Incident XXXX-G: On 12/31/2018 at approximately 2318 hours, █████ Police Department received a report of domestic violence at 381 █████ St., the residence of Archibald Wheeler. Mobile Task Force Rho-66 ("RoadKill") responded to the disturbance with the intentions of impounding SCP-XXXX and apprehending any high-value targets.
Rho-66 successfully contained SCP-XXXX and detained HVT-2 in the process. Interrogation transcribed below:

HVT-2: Sarah Fitzgerald Wheeler

[BEGIN RECORDING]

Agent: Mrs. Wheeler … I need you tell me what happened … Please

HVT-2: … no one will believe me.

Agent: Mrs. Wheeler, no one is blaming you. We just want to hear your side of the story. Start from the beginning. How did your husband get the car?

HVT-2: I don't know…… I don't know! I don't know! He just drove home with it one day.

Footnotes