Per 
- ambrose apology letter
- the littlest cry for help
- Memory Stealing Leeches
- This Pose Is Familiar
- i'm sorry, north
Dear diners of Ambrose Restaurants on November 4th, 2019,
I am fortunate to be here, says mother to I.
I was born into greatness, while she looks me in the eye.
I wear a crown of royals, too heavy for my head.
I stretch my neck in pain, like a bird waiting to be fed.
The little girl stands in front of a dozen hundred people, in a dress of tulle and pointe shoes. She takes her stand and delivers her dance, the music becoming her only friend among two dozen hundred eyes. She jumps and she spins and she dares not smile, for showing heart is weakness, just as her mother always says. She made every step impeccable, every turn beautiful as the last. With a bow she finishes and roses scatter around her. She is awarded. She says a thank you but is not thankful. She does not know that is wrong. She was never told she was wrong.
Her hand is taken and she walks where it's pulled, eyes closed, mouth shut, and feet tiptoed.
This is how it is, says I to I.
This is how it's meant to be, looks eye to eye.
This is the truth I'm living, thinks I to I.
This is how I live, the mirror lies.
She grows and goes to any school any little girl destines to go. She walks with new pink shoes, new pink bag, new pink everything. This is how she looks. She is stopped just outside the school bus, and a larger student bows before her. She returns the action and is shoved into a nearby puddle. A dozen mouths laughed and two dozen were silent. She does not smile. She does not frown. She does little more than sit in the puddle, still as the concrete steps to the glass door.
Her hand is taken to the principal's office alongside the perpetrator. She is blamed for being an easy target.
How sad I am, she tells herself.
How sad am I, she asks herself.
How am I sad, she blames herself.
How I am sad, she hits herself.
The growth accelerates, she picks up her violin. She hums her recital tune and plays in harmony. She perfects her playing and perfects her pointe, and she dances in her princess room just as immaculate as her rhythm. She dances to the stepladder to retrieve a book, but she weighed too much for it now, and she toppled to the ground with a crack from her feet.
Her hand is taken to the hospital, and so does her legs. She does not touch the floor. She feels like she's flying.
There is no mirror in this room.
Where is a mirror in a room?
I am in this room.
This is a room.
She no longer wears pink, for it reminds her too much of the stage. She decides that her favourite colour is sky blue. Her princess room is transformed to fit her, the bed especially replaced with one larger. She is gifted a sky blue violin, bigger than the child sized one she used to have. She plays a tune same as the radio, as she'd heard a catchy tune in the morning commute. She smiles to herself when she's facing away the window.
Her left hand is calloused as her right hand is exhausted. Her legs are healing. She thinks about the new vanity she'll be getting next birthday. She plays a happy note but isn't listening.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX specimens are to be put in pyrex-covered Foundation standard aquariums with the lid seams sealed with gauze, leaving a third of the volume for air. The number of specimens in one tank should not exceed 30. Specimens are to be fed once a month from a live source. Typically, a large adult rat will suffice as a single meal.
Description: SCP-XXXX are instances of medicinal leeches (Hirudo medicinalis) that draw memories from a different creature by feeding on its blood. It is unknown at this time if the memories provide any sustenance to the specimen, since it will digest blood as any of its non-anomalous counterparts. Consumption of living SCP-XXXX that have been fed will lead to the transfer of memories between the person whose blood is drawn and the consumer of the leech. This does not occur if the specimen has either expired, or if it has excreted digested blood containing the memories.1
Discovery: SCP-XXXX specimens were retrieved in the home of August Aur2, in Nevada City, California, on 28/8/2019. The specimens were contained in a large vat under a trap door in the living room, with the remains of several people under the colony. DNA tests reveal that the remains belong to several persons of interest connected to Marshall, Carter, and Dark, Ltd.3 Among these remains include August Aur himself.
SCP-XXXX came to the Foundation's attention after a raid of a storage facility belonging to Marshall, Carter, and Dark, Ltd. On the raid, PoI-7723 was taken into questioning where he then admitted to the existence of SCP-XXXX.
Interview Log: PoI-7723/SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Dr. Kirana Alianita Mayang Budiputri
Interviewee: PoI-7723, Darren ValeSummary of interview: PoI-7723 used SCP-XXXX on himself, and recalls memories crucial to a different Person of Interest. Symptoms of memory assimilation present.
PoI-7723 paces in his cell as Dr. Kirana flips a page on her clipboard.
Dr. Kirana: Mr. Vale?
PoI-7723: I've told you everything now! I've told you about our- my thing with August, I've admitted to a murder, Christ, why won't you people stop?
Dr. Kirana: I know, but it was rather disjointed, and we would like for you to retell the story in a more manageable, concise manner. I know you're upset-
PoI-7723: Upset? Upset? I'm fucking furious, I've told you about the deep dark shit even I haven't told to my family, my business, or anyone! I've told you that I threw m- his entire ass in that fucking trap door, knowing hi- our kids4 were upstairs and couldn't help even if they tried! I orphaned those kids, doc, and to be honest, I would've hung myself too at this point if there weren't that security camera there to stop me!
Dr. Kirana: Sit down.
PoI-7723: I fu-
Dr. Kirana: Sit. Down.
PoI-7723 sits down on cell bed, facing Dr. Kirana
Dr. Kirana: From your personal effects, we found your cross necklace, a rosary, and several other jewelery. Are you Catholic?
PoI-7723 hesitates to answer, then nods.
Dr. Kirana: I'm not allowed to give your precious items back. However, I can lend you my tasbih, which in a nutshell is like the Muslim equivalent to a rosary. It's numbered differently from the Catholic one, so you're going to have to count manually. I've lived long enough to know that not practicing a faith you have makes you feel weird after a while. Would you like to pray to calm down?
PoI-7723: I…would like that. A lot, actually.
Dr. Kirana: Alright. I'll be waiting here for when you tell your story, okay?
Dr. Kirana gets up from her chair and hands PoI-7723 a line of beads from her pocket. PoI examines the item before praying. Dr. Kirana goes back to her seat. There is ten minutes of silence.
PoI-7723: (unintelligible mumbling) …amen. Thank you, uh…?
Dr. Kirana: Kirana. You're welcome, and I'm sorry that this is the best I can give you. I know Catholicism is very disciplined, and I would've understood you not having me give-
PoI-7723: You've done me a favor, Kirana. Having a person that understands having faith is a luxury, and you're…you're very nice. Don't apologize for bringing me a little hope.
Approximately thirty seconds of silence pass. PoI-7723 takes a deep breath.
PoI-7723: From the top?
Dr. Kirana: As much as you can give me. Tell me anything you'd like about August, the leeches, the incident, so long as it's the truth.
PoI-7723: I…was August's boyfriend. Before that, though, we were both clients in an MC&D auction. He was there with his late wife, Lilia, who got assassinated. I'll get into that in a bit. She was great. I loved her a lot. We became friends, then lovers, then we moved into a new home and shared August between the two of us. We were happy. When Argent and Allel were born, we had…we had so much fun. The press seemed to not matter. They hounded us at the gate because they didn't get that we were an item. We started getting less and less comfortable in our home.
Lilia was a genius. August raked in funding from his clean job for her newest experiment. The leeches, we meant for them to be sold one jar at a time, for a cheaper alternative to conventional amnesticization. We pitched it to MC&D thinking they'd distribute it. They did, for a while, but then they said…they paid. They paid…more if we kept them all and just…used them against their enemies. At this point, we didn't even know that eating the leeches was an option, but then some- some crazy bitch that we did a procedure on bit the leech off her arm and ran off. She came back sometime after. Left a knife in Lilia's throat. Didn't wipe her fingerprints. Not that they led anywhere. Piece of fuck was off the grid. Probably never on the grid in the first place- dangerous fuck. Probably why MC&D wanted her dealt with.
Dr. Kirana: This is new. Do you still remember her name?
PoI-2273: She was…she- oh no. Wait, fuck. How- did you know about this?
Dr. Kirana: If I knew, I would not be asking.
PoI-7723: No, not you- I- we. August read her file and…and accepted. But I-
PoI-7723 makes the sign of the cross, and stays silent for another three minutes.
PoI-7723: Before I ate August, I mean, his memories…I snuck in one leech. Just one. Just one onto Lilia's dying form, if only to preserve her as long as I could. I was carrying some new specimens between rooms, which is how I had them on hand. I planned to present it to him. I did. Like, I knew it doesn't work on dead bodies, but I was desperate, okay? I wanted to keep her around. I wanted to, because I love her, and August loved her to, so I thought-
PoI-7723 begins to show distress. This escalates for the next minute and forty seconds. Quiet sobbing ensues.
PoI-7723: He got mad. He was- I was angry at myself too. How could we have not let her die in peace? How could we, her lovers, both of us, selfishly keep her around in this hellhole that was once our home? It was only her memory, I said. August- I yelled. Then we fought and the last thing I saw of August was his white coat fluttering down the hole. My body- felt weak. Like all the blood drained out my body.
PoI-7723 breathes slowly in an attempt to regain composure.
But. But I. I won. August. Dead. The vat was made so escape was impossible. I ate the leech. I didn't get much. Just a flash of someone. From the back I- I didn't know- it just…the memory just clicked.
PoI-7723 assumes fetal position, and is silent for one minute.
Dr. Kirana: And that memory would be…?
PoI-7723: She was her sister. Marigold. My siste- no, Lilia's sister. Oh God, what did she even do to make enemies of MC&D?
Dr. Kirana: No clues of her whereabouts, I take it?
PoI-7723: No, no. Just what she looked like. Who she was. Lilia kept it from both of us. This memory wasn't there with August's. She wanted to keep it secret, I think. Who…why-
Dr. Kirana: Would you like to end this interview?
Dr. Kirana approaches PoI-7723 and touches his shoulder.
PoI-7723: …do I…get to keep this for a while?
Dr. Kirana: Provided that you don't break it or use it to hurt yourself, as long as you'd like.
PoI-7723: Thank you. God bless, and, uh, I…I'm sorry for exploding at you, I-
Dr. Kirana leaves the cell.
Foundation records for "Marigold", supposed sister of PoI-7722 Lilia Grace (deceased) were found to have no connection to Marshall, Carter, and Dark. Upon further inspection, the document was found to have been anomalously altered. "Marigold" is now classified as PoI-7730. Investigation on this case is currently underway. PoI-7723 showed no signs of recollection of the information in the file when presented with it.
Clef knelt as a child when he prayed before God, trying to be forgiven for things out of his control.
Clef knelt as a teenager before his beloved Lilith, unknowing her control over him before it was too late.
Clef knelt as a young adult in the forest glen when he needed time to himself, hoping for salvation.
Clef knelt as a happy man before the nature goddess when they were wed under arbors and the chirps of forest creatures sung their names.
Clef knelt as a foolish man before the Global Occult Coalition for mercy because he couldn't help but have a talent.
Clef knelt before a chapel to beg amnesty for his daughter.
Clef knelt before the Foundation when he wanted to make sure she would be taken care of.
Clef knelt below his desk to write that letter to her, weeping for lost love and guilt of murder.
Clef knelt before Kondraki's corpse with bloody hands and a regret he's never felt before.
And now Clef knelt before Kayana Kai, his daughter at his side, begging once more for sanctuary.
“So why should we trust a person wielding a GOC-grade weapon, our largest threat, and take his spawn as our own?”
“Please.”
“Answer,”
“Please.”
“A plea is not an answer.”
“I already gave you the files concerning her care, please.”
“I’m sorry, Clef, Sir, I cannot take that risk.”
Kayana walks to the defector and puts her gloved hand on his forehead.
“…what…are you doing?”
“Say my name again.”
“Kayana…Kai?”
She takes a step back in shock, all the guards raising their weapons in alarm.
“This isn’t supposed to happen.”
“What is?”
“You should have been mind wiped. Forgotten about my existence.”
“About that. I’m immune to all anomalies.”
man this kinda like feels weird with my ban and shit but like i kinda wanna vent and pretend i'm talking to you here so imma do it anyway because you never friended me and you had non friend dms on discord turned off
so like
yeah
you're hella dead
and i wish that weren't the case, but that's what happened.
i would say i wish i were there for you, like you were to me, but alas. i think something stopped me from checking in on the ninth of march. when the tenth arrived, you'd already been gone. sometimes i think it was somehow you. yknow. astral projecting to say "hey maybe don't talk to me because imma die anyway" or something.
warp's convincing themselves it's a bad joke. they said it won't work forever. i wish it did, for their sake. alces made you something. i did too. so did cimmerian, believe it or not. i don't know what beef you had for each other, but he did a thing. for you. despite whatever you two had.
wish you were here to see it. maybe not under these circumstances. maybe you already have, somewhere beyond space and time.
yknow, earlier today. today's the 21st of march, by the way. it's been a full eleven days and soon enough it's gonna be a dozen without ya. anyway. i don't know how close you were to cyphron. or anyone. hell, as much as i cherish you, we weren't close at the very least. but cyphron was sad today, because i made moohab read my anti-suicide tale over on vc. he says it's not why he's sad, but i call bullshit. i made him feel bad, and that's the fact i'mma take to my grave.
i'm totally projecting this from my own bullshit feelings but. it doesn't feel nice, having one tale, an exploration on death plus a suicide psa posted just a bit before someone commits. you most likely don't even know that my thingy exists.
i wish i could have helped.
i'm sorry i didn't.
everyone that's made works for you, in tribute, have moved to be a bit better but i think i'm still not over the fact that you're really, really gone. i'd say that, of course, because i'm a horrible person, that i'm jealous of how happy people can act. how they can mask how they feel. how they can smile because that's what you would have wanted because you're so fucking nice i can't understand you.
i can't be that strong. i never have been, and probably never will be. if this were anyone other than me i'd say "it's okay to be weak" but i am me and i say i'm an emotionally stunted child with grief processing problems.
so i'm putting this here and pretending to talk to you, because with quarantine i can't go to therapy anyway.
so yeah.
…
i'm sorry this was more vent than talk.
rest well, okay? if you can see this, we love you.
i'm sorry.
