Item #: SCP-xxxx
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-xxxx is to be kept in a standard Anomalous Materials locker at Site-██ when not used in testing.
Description: SCP-xxxx is a heavily modified Beretta 92FS handgun. Most notably, all manufacturing markings have been removed from the object, the safety has been removed, a rechargeable lithium-ion battery and USB-C charging port have been attached to the magazine well with hot glue, a small LCD battery display has been affixed to the left side of the slide, and the barrel has been replaced with a lathed smoothbore beryllium bronze tube.
When SCP-xxxx is charged, cocked, and pressed to the operator's temple the temple of a sentient vertebrate, actuation of the trigger will cause the object to fire. If a user attempts to operate the object in any other fashion, it will fail to fire as though its safety has been engaged.
Upon successful operation, the subject collapses as though shot, with no pulse or brain activity detectable. No entry/exit wounds, burns, or other evidence of a gunshot wound are visible on the subject's body. Despite appearances, the subject is in a state of suspended animation, not dead. Subjects invariably awaken from suspended animation upon return from SCP-xxxx-1.
SCP-xxxx-1 is a virtual universe that the subject enters after activation of SCP-xxxx. The subject's body does not physically enter SCP-xxxx-1, rather, the subject experiences SCP-xxxx-1 entirely as a mental construct. How subjects are able to experience SCP-xxxx-1 while being functionally brain dead is not currently understood. Researchers have, however, measured a comparatively high amount of Humes in subjects, which suggests that SCP-xxxx's effect may be reality-warping in nature. When a subject exits SCP-xxxx-1, it ceases to exist.
The appearance and content of SCP-xxxx-1 vary between subjects, but often bear similarities to the subject's conception of the ancient Greek religion's afterlife. Subjects can freely navigate SCP-xxxx-1 and interact with entities and objects within it. However, the landscape of SCP-xxxx-1 is often highly abstracted; subjects commonly report feelings of surreality and "floatiness" in debriefing. Physical trauma sustained within SCP-xxxx-1 does not appear on a subject's body (unlike [REDACTED]), but death within SCP-xxxx-1 will cause a subject to awaken from suspended animation.
100% of recorded subjects have navigated SCP-xxxx-1 to complete an objective. This behavior is consistent even if the subject does not enter SCP-xxxx-1 with an objective in mind. This objective varies between subjects but often consists of one or more of the following:
- Retrieval of an object.
- Destruction of an object.
- Dialogue with an entity/entities within SCP-xxxx-1.
- Destruction of an entity/entities within SCP-xxxx-1.
- [REDACTED] entity/entities within SCP-xxxx-1.
Upon completion of a given objective, the subject will awaken from suspended animation. [REDACTED]
History: SCP-xxxx was discovered in ██████, ████████ on █████ ██, 20██ by local police during a wellness check of the residence of ███ ███████████, a ██-year-old male. ████████████'s neighbors requested the wellness check after he had not been seen outside of his home in over four weeks. Police discovered that ████████████ had committed suicide by hanging and retrieved both SCP-xxxx and an incomplete, unidentified human skeleton from near his body. The Foundation took custody of SCP-xxxx as a possible anomalous object during a routine inspection of the █████ Police Department's evidence lockers, although the skeleton was not recovered.
SCP-xxxx's primary function was discovered by Jr. Researcher ██████ ████████. ████████, formerly of Site-██'s Anomalous Determinant Department. After several days of testing, pressed SCP-xxxx to her temple and pulled the trigger, which activated the object and put her into the state of suspended animation now known to be consistent with SCP-xxxx-1. After 78 hours, ████████ exited suspended animation and was debriefed.
Interview Transcript xxxx-A
Recorded: ██/██/████
Interviewer: Agent Alia Curt
Subject: Jr. Researcher ██████ ████████
Sections of this interview have been redacted for brevity.
[0:00 - 5:54 redacted for brevity]
[05:55] ████████: The landscape of the place… It's hard to describe. It kept shifting; it wasn't concerned with keeping one form or another.
[06:03] Curt: Is this personalization literal or metaphorical?
[06:09] ████████: Metaphorical, sorry. There were a few consistent details, though, now that I think about it. Lots of rivers throughout the place, no vegetation; it was mostly dunes of black sand. Ghosts everywhere. Massive skyscraper-size Ionic columns all over the place.
[06:20] Curt: How did these "ghosts" behave?
[06:23] ████████: I mean, ghosts probably isn't the right word, sorry. They were more like… impressions of people. I'd just see a little bend of the light, just enough to suggest the outline of a body. Nothing solid. I don't think any of them had faces.
[06:34] Curt: We'll figure out terminology later. How did they behave?
[06:39] ████████: Right, sorry. Uh, as far as behavior, I don't really think they did much. I don't remember any of them interacting with me or each other.
[06:47] Curt: No physical contact or dialogue between any of them?
[06:51] ████████: No. I ignored them and they ignored me.
[06:55 - 17:18 redacted for brevity]
[17:19] Curt: "Dreamlike?" Would you mind elaborating on that?
[17:35] ████████: (████████ shrugs.) I mean, there isn't really a better way to put it. Same muddled watercolor, same lack of consistency; it even did that thing that dreams do when you try to run and you just feel like your feet are sliding on the floor.
[18:01] Curt: Were you lucid during this period?
[18:06] ████████: No. I've been trying to figure out how to lucid dream since I saw Inception, but I've never been able to get it to work.
[18:20] Curt: "Get it to work?"
[18:24] ████████: You know, how lucid dreaming works.
[18:29] Curt: For the record, please.
[18:36] ████████: Fine, sorry. (████████ sighs.) So, the general idea is that if you can train yourself to recognize when something's off, you'll realize that you're dreaming. It's details stuff that your brain does a fuzzy job of filling in, like clocks reading nonsense like "38:95" or your fingers being too long. The trick is that you have to be paying enough attention for it to work.
[19:14] Curt: Were you paying attention?
[19:18] ████████: No. I was too focused. From the moment I woke up on the beach to when I actually woke up, all I thought about was getting my ring back.
[19:36] Curt: This is… (sound of shuffling paper) …this is your grandmother's ring that you referred to earlier? (████████ nods.) What does that ring look like?
[19:41] ████████: (████████ puts her right hand to her chin in thought.) Well, uh, it's white gold with three little sapphires on it. The band didn't have any decoration on it aside from the stones.
[19:53] Curt: So, similar to the ring you're wearing now?
[19:59] ████████: What? I don't wear a — Oh, shit.
outline: (chronological)
- xxxx is discovered by local police in ██████ (just gonna black stuff out instead of having to write details) next to hung corpse of its creator, shortly afterward handed to foundation agents
- basic experimentation, object is determined to be safe. no ghosts, no anomalous shit beyond what happens when you pull the trigger. it's a non-sentient tool.
- a few days of experimentation until primary function is determined when a junior researcher accidentally shoots herself in the head with xxxx
- comes back holding a teddy bear she'd lost as a child
Item #: SCP-xxxx
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its prevalence in the Portland area and beyond, SCP-xxxx is to be operated by SCP-xxxx-1 under the Cortado Protocol until the liquidation of Standard Coffee Products in 202█.
SCP-xxxx-1 is to be stored in its entirety on an isolated network at Site-██ with a Faraday-Stanislava telekill cage around its containment chamber. Absolutely no data storage or transmission devices are permitted within the containment chamber. Access is permitted only to staff with Level 3/xxxx clearance or above or with written and meme-sealed permission from Level 4/xxxx staff and above as per Protocol דּ-AO650/339.
SCP-xxxx-1 is to attend weekly sessions on Thursdays from 1500 to 1630 hours with on-Site therapist Dr. A. Anastácia, who will regularly document the subject's mental health in a report to Site Director T. Klemens and Senior Researcher R. Roberto.
Addendum 11/24/199█: For its record of good behavior and by request of Dr. Anastácia, SCP-xxxx-1 is allowed provisional access to the break room coffee vending machines on floors 1, 2, 3, B1, and B4. The telekill cage in its containment chamber is to remain inactive to facilitate this. This privilege is to be revoked should Site-██ psychics detect SCP-xxxx in any portion of the local network aside from that of its containment chamber or directly related to coffee-making.
Description: SCP-xxxx is ███████ Coffee, Inc., an anomalous chain of automated coffeehouses in the greater Portland/Vancouver metropolitan area currently operated by the Foundation.
███████ Coffee locations are staffed entirely by androids and animatronics, with zero human interaction expressly required for operation. While cutting-edge at its inception in 1989, the technology used by ███████ Coffee was and is not itself anomalous.
All SCP-xxxx locations are remotely managed by SCP-xxxx-1, an artificially intelligent entity created by ███████ Coffee and Prometheus Labs.
History:
[blah blah enter credentials to proceed]
███████ Coffee
It displays sentience, sapience, and technical superintelligence roughly on par with Foundation .aics developed in 199█. SCP-xxxx is capable of anomalous telepathic communication with organic entities and psionic manipulation of software-controlled objects despite its lack of an organic nervous system, which is traditionally considered a prerequisite for psychic phenomena.
Testing and █ years of psychological profiling have shown that, while SCP-xxxx is wholly artificial, it displays thought patterns and emotional capacity similar to a human being. While this is not necessarily anomalous or even uncommon for Class-V AI, these patterns appear to be wholly separate from SCP-xxxx's superintelligence and occur much more slowly. As such, SCP-xxxx is not capable of light-speed post-verbal communication, and often relies on its telepathic ability or text output to communicate.
Despite this apparent limit on its computing power, SCP-xxxx's capacity for psionic manipulation is theoretically unlimited and scales directly as its computing power increases. Under laboratory conditions and close supervision, SCP-xxxx operated an isolated remote terminal at Lunar Area-32 from Site-██ with no observed transmission of data or electronic connection, wireless or otherwise.
███████ Coffee debuts in Portland with automatic coffeehouses entirely run by robots, no front-line human employees
initial SCP investigation launched due to nature of tech used (cutting-edge) and proximity to Three Portlands. clandestinely operating .aics and MTF (something about robots) detect no anomalous activity. GoIs (Prometheus, Anderson, CotBG) queried and investigated, no connection. ███████ Coffee seems totally normal, though advanced, allowed to continue operation.
Employees with Foundation front company, Stanford Coffee Products, note signs of industrial espionage and several system glitches that disappear unexplained. investigation by .aics and MTF discovers that several files had been accessed
See Documents xxxx/1-198 and Interview Logs xxxx/1-44.
Pre-containment, it was observed autonomously operating 56 automatic coffee shops and 2,395 vending machines worldwide, managing the entire accounting department of ███████ Coffee, Inc., and committing █,███,███ simultaneous acts of corporate espionage and electronic warfare against ██ of ███████ Coffee, Inc.'s competitors, the latter of which led to its discovery and eventual containment.
Per 
