Wow! You flipped a card and got: arthcymro!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 07 Mar 2021 13:01
l
l
l
l
l
l
Webcom found and authenticated.
You are attempted to access document XXXX
Please put your hands directly in front of the webcam and sign today's password (leaving 2 seconds between each sign).
l
l
l
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILES ARE RESTRICTED TO THE FOLLOWING PERSONEL:
LEVEL 4/XXXX
MOBILE TASK FORCE PHI-15 ("THE EUCATASTROPHE")
PERSONEL ASSOCIATED WITH PROJECT MARTY SUE
UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS IS FORBIDDEN AND ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THE FOLLOWING FILES WITHOUT AFFILIATION TO THE AFOREMENTIONED PERSONNEL WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION AND POSSIBLE TERMINATION.
l
REMEMBER, YOU ARE BEING WATCHED.
l
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-XXXX is to be contained within a sealed, reinforced compartment hidden in the reference bookcase at Site-12's main library. To improve SCP-XXXX's security, numerous fabrication and falsification measures have been performed.
All information and data recorded regarding SCP-XXXX, digitally or printed, must be encoded with a Twain-Ottendorf cypher. Any communication regarding SCP-XXXX or affiliated projects must be done through either manual communication, such as sign language or dactylology or through encrypted text.
Access to SCP-XXXX may only be granted to personnel of Level 4 clearance or higher and all personnel initiated to SCP-XXXX must undergo Tier 3 Vetting. All testing requests must be approved by SCP-XXXX's head researcher, Dr Vidya Durrani and site director, Dr Polyphemus Allgrove and must be overseen by Dr Durrani. All test results must be encrypted and transferred to MTF Phi-15 ("The Eucatastrophe").
As part of these containment procedures, Project Marty Sue personnel and MTF Phi-15 are authorized to work alongside pre-approved members of GoI-α-019 (“The Serpent’s Hand”) (see Negotiation Log XXXX-2 for further details).
Description:
Panel from SCP-XXXX during test
SCP-XXXX is a 26-page anthology comic book under the title, Tales of Peculiarity. In the event SCP-XXXX is touched by a reader, its entire content will transform into a new iteration. The change is instantaneous and will cover SCP-XXXX's narrative, artwork, paper type, font, and language. The only unchanging element is the title, although the title's art style can change to fit the covers' new appearance and its language will also change. The language used within SCP-XXXX with each iteration is always one the reader can comprehend.
Experiments have proved that SCP-XXXX's content will only change if it is unopened. If it is left open and picked up by the same or another reader or passed open, its content will remain the same. However, SCP-XXXX doesn't have to be fully read to transform its content. Items place within SCP-XXXX will not be affected by this transformation.
In its closed, unread state, SCP-XXXX is completely resistant to physical damage and does not undergo embrittlement. However, in its open state, damages or vandalisation to SCP-XXXX, such as scribblings, incineration or piercings, will transpire into the content of SCP-XXXX, and affect the narrative. However, this is only achievable if pages following those damaged are unread. If the pages vandalised have already been read by the reader, they will not transpire into the narrative. All vandalisation will vanish with every new iteration, regardless of whether it affected the narrative or not.
Discovery:
SCP-XXXX was first discovered by staff a few days following the partial success of Operation Kompa Nanzi. Whilst the expedition resulted in 7 casualties and the loss of a GoI-α-019 defector, numerous documents were recovered by personnel, including several damaged books from Nx-01 itself. The documents and books were taken to Site-91 to be studied and archived. Whilst neither initially showed any anomalous properties, the documents provided substantial insight into GoI-α-019's methodology and personnel.
On 12/09/2011, Dr Emyr Thomas accessed the archive's to study the recovered book, only to find SCP-XXXX in its place. Immediately, Site-91 was put into lockdown and checked for breaches in security. However, after extensive checks, no breaches were discovered and it was concluded that the remnants of the book had transformed into SCP-XXXX naturally. Following its discovery, SCP-XXXX was tested for physical hazards, cognitohazards and infohazards, where its anomalous capabilities were discovered and noted. After tests failed to discover any threats or hazards, SCP-XXXX moved to Site-12, a site with facilities specialising in literary anomalies, on 22/09/2011 for containment, testing and documentation.
Addendum XXXX.1: Experimentation of SCP-XXXX
Experiments began on 12/10/2011. All experiments were authorised by Dr Vidya Durrani. All tests were recorded and every page, including the cover, of SCP-XXXX, were photographed for later research.
Date: 12/10/2011
Reader: Researcher, Benjamine Hator, a 27-year-old man with a preference for speculative fiction.
Procedure: Mr Hator was asked to read SCP-XXXX from beginning to end.
Language: American English
Results: SCP-XXXX now told a story called Nocturne, that depicted a teenage couple begin tricked into becoming eternal audience members to a monstrous opera singer.
Date: 19/10/2011
Reader: D-3697, a 19-year-old man who enjoyed romantic fiction. D-3697 was also totally blind, as a result of an experience with another SCP.
Procedure: D-3697 was asked to read SCP-XXXX from beginning to end
Language: Portuguese (Written in braille.)
Results: SCP-XXXX story, called Calling All Monsters, told of a town called Sfânghe which is plagued by three classic monsters, a vampire, a werewolf and a demon. After several 'deaths', the monsters were eventually captured and killed, only for it to be revealed that the monsters were nothing more than actors, tricked into being part of a sadistic ritual held by the town. Researchers also noted that the characters in SCP-XXXX all had six digits rather than five
D-3697 reported that he could not only read the text within SCP-XXXX but also 'see' the images, shapes, and colours. This was confirmed by a few questions. When asked to describe how he could see the images, D-3697 commented, "It's like, why I touch them, I get this feeling. Like, when I touch the red, I know it's red." When a researcher was asked to read SCP-XXXX during this iteration, the effect was not registered by them, even when the researcher closed their eyes.
Notes: Experiment suggests SCP-XXXX may be able to exhibit cognitohazards and/or infohazards to assist the reader. — Dr Durrani
Date: 19/11/2011
Reader: Junior Researcher, Noriko Ito, a 21-year-old woman who enjoys crime and thriller TV shows and books.
Procedure: Mrs Ito was asked to read SCP-XXXX and to mark one of the pages with a standard HB pencil.
Language: Japanese
Results: SCP-XXXX's tale called Mystery At The Marchioness's Ball began by depicted a detective attempting to solve the theft of a pair of pearl earrings at a costume ball. Upon opening SCP-XXXX, Mrs Ito was asked to mark page 2 and Mrs Ito drew a moustache on the face of a female character within the story.
When Mrs Ito turned to page 3, she was surprised to discover the other characters within SCP-XXXX point out the sudden appearance of a moustache on the character's face. Mrs Ito. The rest of SCP-XXXX's narrative now shifted focus on the sudden appearance of the moustache. SCP-XXXX concluded with the vandalised character, called Ms Banting, leaving her callous and credulous life and joining the circus.
Notes: During this iteration, SCP-XXXX changed from sinistrodextral to dextrosinistral directionality, mirroring the standard formatting found in Japanese manga. — Dr Durrani
Date: 02/01/2012
Reader: Researcher, Dr Jerome Haywind, a 53-year-old man who prefers educational books.
Procedure: Dr Haywind was asked to read SCP-XXXX and pierce its paper with an HB pencil.
Language: French
Results: SCP-XXXX story, titled Ghosts, We All Are, opened with two men engaged in a brawl in an empty western saloon. The characters, while human-like in appearance, appeared to have avian characteristics rather than mammalian ones.
After reading the first 4 pages, Dr Haywind was asked to pierce the chest of one of the men on page 4. After doing so, Dr Haywind discovered that the hole made could only be perceived on the 4th page and couldn't be found on the opposite side. The character Dr Hayward had pierced appeared to have his chest ruptured and quickly died, much to the surprise of the second man.
Dr Haywind was asked to make the same piercing on an earlier page to the same character. This time, the piercing did not transpire into the narrative and could be seen on both sides of the page. The story closed with the surviving man meeting a spectre, stating he was ready to "pay his debt" and allowing the spectre to possess him.
Date: 07/01/2012
Reader: Researcher, Dr Lilian Davies, a 57-year-old man who enjoyed biographical works.
Procedure: Dr Davies was given a lighter and heat resistant tongs and was asked to set fire to SCP-XXXX when instructed.
Language: American English
Results: SCP-XXXX now depicted a story called Things Were Better Then…, opening with a young, human couple (Edward and Megan) moving into an apartment. On the 4th page, Dr Davies was instructed to set fire to the page. Upon doing so, the fire spread across page 4 but didn't spread to any of the other pages. When Dr Davies turned the page, the fire vanished in between the pages and reappeared when Dr Davies returned to the page. As with all other experiments, the fire had transpired into SCP-XXXX's narrative.
SCP-XXXX's story continued with Megan perishing in the fire, despite Edwards attempt to save her. Later, Edward was gifted a package by an unknown benefactor that contained a silver wristwatch, allowing the user to rewind time and alter the past. Edward would later use the watch to save Megan from the fire. Over the course of their decaying relationship, Edward regularly uses the watch to fix his mistakes. However, Megan later ended their relationship and leave with another man. It was then revealed that Megan had been regularly cheating on Edward throughout their relationship. Bitter and angry, Edward used the watch one last time to ensure Megan perished in the fire. The story closed with Edward persuing one of Megan's lovers, seemingly to commit murder.
Date: 11/01/2012
Reader: Field Agent, Mabli Mehra, a 30-year-old woman who enjoys horror stories. Mabli Mehra had also just completed her training in thaumatological studies at the Department of Thaumaturgy.
Procedure: Agent Mehra was asked to draw a thaumaturgic symbol TS-962 and TS-019 on to a character within SCP-XXXX.
Language: Urdu
Results: The story, called He Eats!, seemed to take place in mid-twentieth-century South Asia and appeared to be inhabited by anthropomorphic animals rather than humans. SCP-XXXX began with a young teenage boy being chased by two police officers.
On the 7th page, the police manage to corner the boy and shot him. Agent Mehra was instructed to draw TS-962 and TS-019 on the boy. Instead of producing the intended effect, the boy dissolved and embiggened into a mass of fur, bone and claws and began assimilating other denizens and growing in size.
In closing the story, the mass of fur was confronted by six hooded figures, who later revealed themselves to be human and called themselves the Echo's of Men. The six then performed symbolic and verbal, thaumaturgic rituals of their own and managed to contain the mass in a golden, electromagnetic shield. The story concluded with the Echo's speculating what was the sudden cause of the abomination.
Notes: Experiment has determined that thaumaturgical rituals performed on SCP-XXXX can transpire into SCP-XXXX's narrative. Also, Agent Mehra did not recognise the thaumaturgic rituals used by the characters within SCP-XXXX and requested she submits them to the Department of Thaumaturgy for further study. The request was approved. Studies of the rituals are still ongoing.— Dr Durrani
Date: 14/01/2012
Reader: D-7894, a 23-year-old man who enjoyed reading historical and educational text.
Procedure: D-7894 was asked to rip a page out of SCP-XXXX, close SCP-XXXX, allowing it to transform then place the ripped page back into SCP-XXXX.
Language: [REDACTED]
Results: [REDACTED]
Notes: Following negotiations held on 16/04/2012, all data regarding Experiment XXXX-20 has been [REDACTED] under the direct order of the O5-6. — Hannah Clarke, Ethics Committee Liaison of Site-12.
Date: 24/01/2012
Reader: Level 2 Foundation Illustration, Mrs Lin Bradford, a 23-year-old woman who enjoys superhero and post-apocalyptic comic books. Before joining the Foundation, Mrs Bradford had previously worked as a fine artist and has strong artistic skills. Mrs Bradford also suffers from dyslexia.
Procedure: Mrs Bradford was given fine-nib pens, pencils and numerous photos of D-Class personnel and asked to draw characters into SCP-XXXX based on the D-Class photos when instructed.
Language: British English (Numerous malapropisms and spelling mistakes were found through SCP-XXXX during the experiment.)
Results: SCP-XXXX's story, 13:40 from Bogotá, opened with a drug mule being picked up at an airport and taken to a den in Los Angeles. Upon arrival, the mule was killed and his stomach was excavated for packaging.
On the 10th page, Mrs Bradford was instructed to draw a character into SCP-XXXX and match its art style as close as possible. Using the photo's as references, Mrs Bradford drew a male character into one of the panels. Upon turning the page, the characters within the story were horrified to discover a lifeless body suddenly appear within their den. Mrs Bradford was instructed to draw another character, to which the same reaction occurred within SCP-XXXX. After three further attempts, each producing synonymous results, Mrs Bradford was asked to desist. The story concluded with the characters panicking as the bodies Mrs Bradford drew disintegrated.
Notes: Mrs Bradford commented that SCP-XXXX's art style during the experiment matched her own personal style. — Dr Durrani
Site Director Note: As of ██/██/████, all experimentation involving SCP-XXXX is to be suspended until further notice. — Dr Polyphemus Allgrove
Addendum XXXX.2: Incident XXXX-Alpha
INCIDENT REPORT
INCIDENT #: XXXX-Alpha
DATE OF OCCURRENCE: 17/02/2012
On 17/02/2012, Foundation intercepted a police radio transmission made by the ███ ██████ Police Department in █████ ██████, ███ ███████, California. The location described on the transmission had been under investigation and observation by the police for potential drug trafficking. The Foundation intervened when one of the armed officers reported that the drugs traders claimed that "dead bodies just started appearing around us". Upon arriving at the scene, Foundation quickly seized control over the investigation and ascertained the 6 bodies. Class-A amnestics were later administered to the police, drug traffickers and nearby civilians.
The 6 bodies were taken to Site-95 for further study later that day. When they were dissected, it was discovered that whilst the bodies appeared human externally, they possessed no internal organs besides a muscular system and skeleton. Further, the bodies tissue possessed no cellular structure or genetic information, despite being chemically identical to human tissue.
The bodies and the incident were tentatively given the designation SCP-████ and were pending containment and classification until it was discovered via cross-examination that the incident shared characteristics and events similar to those depicted in SCP-XXXX in Experiment XXXX-75.
All testing regarding SCP-XXXX was suspended until further notice. SCP-XXXX's threat level has been changed from ● Green to ● Yellow.
Following the suspension, Dr Durrani made several requests to Dr Allgrove to continue testing SCP-XXXX's capabilities. All requests were denied by Dr Allgrove who commented that SCP-XXXX's sudden reality-bending capabilities were too much of a security risk to continue testing.
DATE: 19/02/2012
FROM: Prof Murdoch<noitadnuof.pcs|hcodruMA#noitadnuof.pcs|hcodruMA>
TO: Dr Allgrove<noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p#noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p>, Dr Durrani <noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV#noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV>
SUBJECT: Analysis of Incident XXXX-Alpha
Pol, you need to look at these results, because I can't make heads or tails of them! I've checked them four-time and had them confirmed by six different experts. What it's telling us can't be fucking possible.
Results (Time frame: 1 hour, Radius: 2km):
Average Hume Level: 1.003 Hume
Average ARad Level: 200, White, Natural, Loose
Average Akiva Radiation Level: 10 dAv
Those bodies. That incident. If the results of the tests are correct and I can guarantee they are, then what happened in █████ ██████ on 17/02/2012 ██:██ was completely normal. And yet, I couldn't have been. From what I can remember, lifeless bodies randomly manifesting isn't something the average Tom, Dick and Harry sees every day.
Even when I considered variables from external sources, the Kant counter only changes about .00005. As for the ARed levels, I've approached some of Rossi's bunch, to see if they could see something I couldn't, but no. Their thaumaturgical analysis came back with nothing too.
This doesn't make any sense Pol. One, how can these bodies show no anomalous properties besides the fact they clearly were and two, what's this all got to do with that bloody comic.
P.S. I contacted the O5's to see if Project Navigator had spotted something, but I got no reply.
Given the results provided by Prof Murdoch, Dr Durrani submitted another request to continue testing SCP-XXXX. Dr Allgrove denied her request.
DATE: 23/02/2012
FROM: Dr Durrani <noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV#noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV>
TO: Dr Allgrove<noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p#noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p>, Prof Murdoch<noitadnuof.pcs|hcodruMA#noitadnuof.pcs|hcodruMA>
SUBJECT: Continued testing of SCP-XXXX
Allgrove, I understand you've got a bunch of bureaucratic knobheads watching over you but you have to understand. This thing, this comic. If I'm right, this could be one of the Foundations greatest assets, and I'm talking beyond Thaumial.
When I was a part of the Hand, I was told a myth. It said that there was a book, a book that couldn't be found in the Library. Could never be found in it. A book that told the story of the universe. Of all existence. From beginning to end.
Most of us believed that the whole thing was just a stupid legend. I was one of them. I mean, the whole thing sounded ridiculous. But after seeing what SCP-XXXX is. What it can do. What I think it can do.
I believe SCP-XXXX is that book or at least part of it, and what it's been showing us all this time is the story. Not just ours, but all of them. All worlds. SCP-XXXX is telling us the story of the multiverse.
We need to continue testing because if we learnt how to control this book, we could answer so many questions. Questions that we thought would never get answered.
DATE: 24/02/2012
FROM: Dr Allgrove<noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p#noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p>
TO: Dr Durrani <noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV#noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV>
SUBJECT: RE: Continued testing of SCP-XXXX
My, my, Vidya, what a very moving piece. Like something out of a film. So please don't take offence when I say that your pathetic little myth isn't going to convince me that experimentation should continue.
Yes, whispers and rumours from the Serpent's Hand have provided some intel for our investigations, but history has also proven that the organisation tends to embellish things for the sake of dramatic flair. You should have realised that when you left the group. Myths are useful, but only if they are backed up with practice and pattern.
Even if SCP-XXXX is this fantastical book you claim it can be, I see no evidence that it is nothing more than a bunch of paper with some ontokinetic properties that need to be contained. Its unmeasurable results certainly are intriguing, but the Foundation isn't interested in discovery when it risks too much. Our priority is safety and caution. Not wonder and discovery.
May I also remind you that your history with The Serpent's Hand is highly confidential, even to those of Level 4 clearance like Murdoch. If I find you mentioning it again, you will be severely reprimanded.
DATE: 25/02/2012
FROM: Dr Allgrove<noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p#noitadnuof.pcs|evorglla1p>
TO: Dr Durrani <noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV#noitadnuof.pcs|inarrudV>
SUBJECT: RE: RE: Continued testing of SCP-XXXX
Did Dr Evelyn Moore enjoy her time with the Dinosaurs and Bigfoot?
As a result of her comments on 25/02/2012, Dr Durrani was detained for a suspected clearance breach and imprisoned at Site-06-3 to await trial, demotion and possible termination. Dr Durrani research history and contact outside of the Foundation was placed under scrutiny.
Addendum XXXX.3: Trial Log
On 02/03/2012, further information regarding SCP-6783 was discovered. Following these findings, Dr Durrani's trial was brought forward to 03/03/2012.
Date: 3rd of March, 2012
Council:
- O5-6
- Dr Polyphemus Allgrove, Site Director of Site-12
- Hannah Clarke, Ethics Committee Liaison of Site-12
- Prof Edward Thompson, Researcher at Site-91 and Dr Vidya Durrani's former mentor
Defendant:
- Dr Vidya Durrani, Researcher at Site-12 and former member of the Serpent’s Hand
<BEGIN LOG>
(Council take their seats.)
O5-6: Black, you can bring Dr Durrani in now.
(Bodyguard Black leaves the room. Few moments' later, he returns with Dr Durrani. Dr Durrani takes her seat.)
O5-6: Thank you, Black.
(Bodyguard Black nods and leaves the room.)
O5-6: Good Morning, Dr Durrani.
Durrani: As-Salam-u-Alaikum.
Thompson: Wa-Alaikumussalam wa-Rahmatullah.
Durrani: Nice to see you again Teddy.
Allgrove: Dr Durrani, my I remind you where you are and the position you're in.
Durrani: Fuck you, Polly.
Allgrove: You -
Clarke: People, please. A little control and decorum. O5-6 hasn't come all this way to hear you arguing.
(Pause)
Durrani: My apologies, Hannah.
Clarke: Good. Then, if that's out of the way. Sir.
O5-6: Dr Durrani, do you understand the severity of the clearance breaches you've made?
Durrani: I do. I understand my comments to Dr Allgrove may have been unwise and poorly executed.
Allgrove: (scoffs) You can say that again.
O5-6: Do you now understand that Dr Evelyn Moore's role in SCP-6783 is both incredible vital and secretive and by commentating about it, you could have not only potential alerted her of her role but also prevented an essential SK-Class Dominance Shift Scenario.
Durrani: I mean - I didn't but - Yes, I understand.
O5-6: Do you understand that some details regarding SCP-6783, SCP-3252 and SCP-1000 were highly confidential and you, with Level 3 clearance, were not at liberty to read or investigate such matters.
(Pause)
Clarke: Vidya?
Durrani: Yes, fine, I understand. Can we just get this over with? Demote me, imprison me, terminate me, whatever. Just get it over and done with.
Thompson: We're not going to terminate you Vid.
(Pause)
Durrani: What?
O5-6: How do you know the nature of SCP-6783?
Durrani: I read the files.
O5-6: Yes we know, we checked your access history. But strange thing is, you know things that weren't in the file. At that time, only about 59% of the notes had been retrieved and whilst it was true details regarding the dinosaurs were in there, the details regarding SCP-1000 and SCP-3252 were not. They've only just been discovered. How do you know SCP-1000 was involved with SCP-6783?
(Pause)
Durrani: SCP-XXXX.
Allgrove: Oh, not this shit again!
Clarke: Dr Allgrove, please. Dr Durrani, could you elaborate?
Durrani: During one of the experiments with SCP-XXXX, D-class D-7894 read a story called The Lady Who Waited, Who Watched, which told about a scientist. She'd travelled from the future and was forced to watch the world go by, eventually helped humanity rise up and face their oppressors. It took me a while to release what D-7894 was reading, and when SCP-XXXX showed SCP-1000 and the Day of Flowers, that's when I started to put two and two together.
Clarke: How do you know about the Day of Flowers?
Durrani: My father met and studied with some of the Children of the Sun when we were a part of the Hand. He told me a little about the event so I recognised it when it was depicted in SCP-XXXX.
Thompson: What about SCP-3252?
Durrani: I didn't know anything about that at the time and I only figured out what I'd done after the experiment and I'd done my own research. I didn't intend to do what I did.
Clarke: What did you do about D-7894?
Durrani: I amnesticised him.
Thompson: And after this experiment, that's when you began to believe SCP-XXXX was this - Oh, in lieu of a better definition, mythical book?
Durrani: Yes, although I couldn't be sure and needed to further test SCP-XXXX's capabilities, and after Incident XXXX-Alpha - well, there was no doubt in my mind.
(Pause)
Clarke: Sir?
O5-6: (unintelligible)
(Pause)
O5-6: Dr Durrani, how long have you been a member of the Foundation?
Durrani: 7 years. 8 in June.
O5-6: In those years, you've done good work and despite coming from a hostile organisation, your loyalty has never wavered. You've shown care, diligence and have even helped the Foundation improve its relations with other establishments. A little obsessive, yes, but -
Durrani: Sir?
(O5-6 whispers something to Mrs Clarke, Dr Allgrove and Prof Thompson. Mrs Clarke and Prof Thompson nod whilst Dr Allgrove remains silent, shaking his head.)
O5-6: Thank you, Dr Durrani. Your comments have been most enlightening. We will be in touch soon. Black!
(Bodyguard Black returns to the room.)
Durrani: I don't understand? Am I going to being punished?
O5-6: Not yet.
<END LOG>
On 07/03/2012, following discussions between the Ethics Committee and O5-6, Dr Durrani was released from imprisonment and her Security Clearance was upgraded from Level 3 to Level 4. Despite protests from Dr Allgrove, testing of SCP-XXXX was reinstated by order of O5-6, with approval by the Ethics Committee. However, testing was to remain focused on SCP-XXXX's parachronal properties. Testing its extradimensional interactive properties require approval by both O5-6 and at least 2 Ethics Committee personnel.
UPDATE: As of 14/05/2012, SCP-XXXX has assisted the Foundation substantially, including:
- Preventing a Code: Amber and Code: White containment breach.
- Providing information enabling 3 SCP's object class to be demoted.
- Assisting in locating and detaining members of GoI-003 (“Chaos Insurgency”).
It has also been discovered that SCP-XXXX is capable of describing anomalous properties such as anti-memes or infohazards without exhibiting them. As a result, SCP-XXXX is being considered for reclassification.
Addendum XXXX.3: SCP-XXXX-1 Recordings
If SCP-XXXX-1 manifests within or attempt to access any Foundation Site, the site/s must immediately enter a Code: Gray lockdown and Mobile Task Force Phi-15 will be mobilised.
Incident XXXX-1-017:
Wow! You flipped a card and got: LilacCadence!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 07 Mar 2021 00:04
i Legally have to write a tale on how clef is the prince of the hades tigers blaseball team.
he isn't even a tiger. he's a TACO.
anyway, wish me a quick -10.
Clef, Prince of Blaseball, High Royalty of the Hades Tigers
There's a reason you never watch sports in a staff breakroom.
A junior researcher might be quick to point out that a rule like that applies less equally to Alto Clef: Doctor, Site Director, Christmas Saver, and/or Romantic at Heart. A clever one might leave it at that. Whatever Clef actually was or had done, people liked him. The type of people that were in charge of being in charge of the people who made sure you got your paystubs on time.
So when he hogged the best chair in front of the interdimensional television, fully bedecked in Hades Tigers regalia and a foam taco hat to show his hometown allegiance, exactly no one said a word about it. A few people came in, of course; championships always pull in a bigger crowd, and Season 12 currently was pitting the Tigers against the Seattle Garages, 2-2. First to three games won, game four was almost over, and game five was going to be blistering.
"'Least it looks like they're ending it quick," a woman slumped over the back of the couch observed. She apparently didn't give a shit that she had just come back from a job; her MTF gear hung half-undone and an old Garages cap had been perched loosely over top of her ponytail, the only thing signifying her team allegiance whatsoever.
"The incinerations aren't good for player morale," Clef agreed, not bothering to look over. "And I feel like we see enough of that shit."
"Well, not the Tigers right now. Y'all are immune."
Clef shrugged, letting the point stand. "You rooting for the underdog, then?"
"It'd be hard for me not to, yeah. Garages rock. And Tigers are obviously just winning this game because we're playing scared- we'd have taken the Championship already if not for you getting some lucky weather."
This time she got his attention. "The Garages?" He scoffed. "Garages don't stand a chance! The Tigers are a freaking powerhouse!"
"If the Tigers were such a 'powerhouse'," the woman air quoted, "they wouldn't have waited until game five for their last win, would they?"
"Your team literally stole a pitching machine from the Los Angelii Unlimited Tacos, and it's the best pitcher in your rotation!"
She looked up, noting his gluten-based hat. "You're the ones who voted out all of your other pitchers and had to be given a machine. Are you seriously still bitter about that?"
"Pitching Machine was doing work for us!" Clef shouted, slamming the hat onto his chair's arm.
"Hahahaha, you know, it's all fun and games and not our reality, maybe we can not argue so loud?" The only junior researcher left in the room laughed nervously.
Clef and the woman looked at each other for a second, reaching a consensus.
This was not one of the clever ones.
If looks could kill, Clef's would've levelled the building and the Garage fan's would have shot down any survivors in cold blood.
After the junior researcher had dropped his coffee cup and bolted, they turned to look back at each other.
"… Clef," he said, sticking out a tiger-pawwed hand. "Doctor, mainly because I could blackmail anyone who tried to take away my certification. Clef's fine."
"Aries," she replied, shaking the hand. "Sigma-66, handler. Technically."
"Sounds fake."
"So does Clef, blackmail doctor."
Clef considered this for a second. "Fair 'nuff. I have a proposition for you."
Aries snickered, leaning forward a bit against the couch. "Sorry, you aren't my type."
"Funny. No, this is my proposition: if next Saturday the Garages somehow manage to pull off a win and get this Championship, I'll get 'Seattle Garages Own This' tattooed on my ass." Clef thumped it to illustrate the point.
Aries' eyes narrowed. "If the Tigers win, I'll get their fully-colored logo. Same place." She slapped her own ass harder, as if to double down on the bet.
"Deal?"
"Deal." Clef grinned.
- and they watched the Garages fall to the pressure together, temporary truce officially in place.
For Clef, the week sped by- business as usual. A couple of things to sign, a couple of things to delegate, a couple of things to punch into a couple walls. He decked himself out again, adding a tiny Tigers banner to his shell of a hat, and strolled toward the staff breakroom. The chair was open for him again, and it was obvious very quickly that this had been intentional.
Piled onto the couch, around the tables, and in some cases, on the floor, was a Mobile Task Force, all outfitted in Garages' gear… and remote detonator collars. Aries, her blaseball hat off balance, was chatting with one of them from her place behind the couch, gesticulating widely as she told some story.
Wow! You flipped a card and got: DrWoomywood!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 22:10
:root {
--timeScale: 1;
--timeDelay: 0s;
}
/* Converting middle divider from box-shadow to ::before pseudo-element */
.anom-bar > .bottom-box { box-shadow: none!important; }
.anom-bar > .bottom-box::before {
position: absolute;
content: " ";
width: 100%;
height: 0.5rem;
background-color: rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12));
transform: translateY(-0.74rem);
}
/* DIVIDER */
.anom-bar > .bottom-box::before {
animation-name: divider;
animation-duration: calc(0.74s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(0.1s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.32,.38,.39,.94);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
/* CLASSIFIED LEVEL BARS */
div.top-center-box > * {
animation-name: bar;
animation-duration: calc(0.45s * var(--timeScale));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: ease-out;
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(1) { animation-delay: calc(0.2s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(2) { animation-delay: calc(0.32s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(3) { animation-delay: calc(0.45s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(4) { animation-delay: calc(0.61s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(5) { animation-delay: calc(0.75s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(6) { animation-delay: calc(0.95s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
/* TOP TEXT */
div.top-left-box, div.top-right-box {
clip-path: polygon( 0% -50%, 150% -50%, 150% 100%, 0% 100%);
}
div.top-left-box > *, div.top-right-box > * {
position: relative;
animation-name: bottomup;
animation-duration: calc(0.65s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: ease-out;
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
/* CONTAINMENT, DISRUPTION, RISK CLASSES */
div.text-part > * {
clip-path: polygon( 0% 0%, 100% 0%, 100% 100%, 0% 100%);
animation-name: expand2;
animation-duration: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.text-part > :nth-child(1) {
animation-name: expand1;
}
div.text-part > :nth-child(1) { animation-delay: calc(0.6s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.text-part > :nth-child(2) { animation-delay: calc(0.75s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.text-part > :nth-child(3) { animation-delay: calc(0.86s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.main-class::before, div.main-class::after {
animation-name: iconslide;
animation-duration: calc(0.45s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(0.8s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
/* BOTTOM TEXT */
div.main-class > *, div.disrupt-class > *, div.risk-class > * {
animation-name: flowIn;
animation-duration: calc(0.42s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(0.75s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: ease-out;
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
/* DIAMOND */
div.arrows {
animation-name: arrowspin;
animation-duration: calc(0.7s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(0.6s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.quadrants > * {
animation-name: fade;
animation-duration: calc(0.3s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(1.4s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.top-icon, div.right-icon, div.left-icon, div.bottom-icon {
animation-name: nodegrow;
animation-duration: calc(0.4s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(1.4s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.12,.41,.27,.99);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
}
div.diamond-part {
clip-path: polygon( -10% 0.37%, 120% 0.37%, 120% 100%, -10% 100%);
animation-name: diamondBorder;
animation-duration: calc(0.8s * var(--timeScale));
animation-delay: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay));
animation-iteration-count: 1;
animation-timing-function: cubic-bezier(.32,.38,.39,.94);
animation-fill-mode: backwards;
will-change: box-shadow;
}
/* MOBILE QUERY */
@media (max-width: 480px ) {
.anom-bar > .bottom-box::before {
display:none;
}
.anom-bar > .bottom-box {
box-shadow: 0 -0.5rem 0 0 rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12))!important;
}
div.top-center-box > * {
animation-name: bar-mobile;
animation-duration: calc(0.9s * var(--timeScale));
}
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(1) { animation-delay: calc(0.1s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(2) { animation-delay: calc(0.2s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(3) { animation-delay: calc(0.3s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(4) { animation-delay: calc(0.4s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(5) { animation-delay: calc(0.5s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
div.top-center-box > :nth-child(6) { animation-delay: calc(0.6s * var(--timeScale) + var(--timeDelay)); }
}
/*--- Motion Accessibility ---*/
@media (prefers-reduced-motion) {
div.anom-bar-container { --timeScale: 0; }
}
/*-------------------------*/
@keyframes divider {
from { max-width: 0%; }
to { max-width: 100%; }
}
@keyframes bar {
from { max-width: 0%; }
to { max-width: 100%; }
}
@keyframes bar-mobile {
from { max-height: 0%; }
to { max-height: 100%; }
}
@keyframes bottomup {
from { top: 100px; }
to { top: 0; }
}
@keyframes expand1 {
from { opacity: 0; clip-path: inset(0 calc(100% - 0.75rem) 0 0);}
to { opacity: 1; clip-path: inset(0);}
}
@keyframes iconslide {
from { opacity: 0; transform: translateX(-5rem);}
to { opacity: 1; transform: translateX(0);}
}
@keyframes expand2 {
from { opacity: 0; max-width: 1%;}
to { opacity: 1; max-width: 100%;}
}
@keyframes fade {
from { opacity: 0;}
to { opacity: 1;}
}
@keyframes flowIn {
from { opacity: 0; transform: translateY(20px); }
to { opacity: 1; transform: translateY(0); }
}
@keyframes arrowspin {
from { clip-path: circle(0%); transform: rotate(135deg); }
to { clip-path: circle(75%); transform: rotate(0deg); }
}
@keyframes nodegrow {
from { transform: scale(0);}
to { transform: scale(1);}
}
@keyframes diamondBorder {
from { box-shadow: -0.5rem -20rem 0 0 rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12)); }
to { box-shadow: -0.5rem 0 0 0 rgb(var(--black-monochrome, 12, 12, 12)); }
}
Photo of SCP-5649, taken by a Foundation image-capture probe on 10/22/15.
Item-#: SCP-5649
Object Class: Khonsu
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation web-crawlers are to monitor the internet for mention(s) of an object matching the description of SCP-5649. Any evidence of SCP-5649's existence is to be erased, and amnestics given to astronomers attempting to research it.
Description: SCP-5649 is a comet that appears in the solar system in approximately the same orbital path as Jupiter. SCP-5469 maintains a stable orbit around Jupiter, outside of demanifestation events. Recent scans by Foundation probes have shown that SCP-5649 is in fact a single object and that its mass does not reset with each reappearance. This means that SCP-5649 will melt completely sometime during its 2020-2023 rotation. During each reset, SCP-5649 will spontaneously vanish from its current position, and reappear opposite from Jupiter. The exact age of SCP-5649 is unknown, but chemical analysis of the recovered sample shows that it is at least 14,000 years old. Scans have also shown that SCP-5649 emits hyper-strands of Alpha radiation that reach 550 million miles long on average. As SCP-5649 gets older, the rate at which these are emitted increases exponentially. It is theorized that upon fully melting, SCP-5649 will let out a massive amount of these hyper-strands. If even one impacts earth, an area of at least 14 square miles will see a surge in radiation-related diseases comparable to a nuclear bombing unless safety measures are taken quickly.
Picture of sample 5649-F-001 taken by Project Head David Sanderson.
Acquisition Report For Sample 5649-F-001: On 8/06/2017, a Foundation probe successfully broke off a piece of SCP-5649's outer shell. After collecting the sample, it was transferred to an automated materials shuttle and delivered to Lunar-Area-32.
Transfer A32tS64—5649-F-001: Sample 5649-F-001 transferred from Area-32 to Site-64 as of 8/20/2017.
Sample Description, Written by Project Head David Sanderson: Most of the sample is made of ice and a unique bismuth based-based compound, as previously shown by inspection of images from camera probes. On the outside face of the ice, there appears to be a layer of moss. Despite having minuscule exposure to sunlight and water, the moss was in perfect condition upon inspection. Several testing requests were made to learn more about the moss' durability but none were approved due to the small amount available. The sample is to be kept in radiological storage unit 44AB.
Supplementary Incident Report 492847s83dS93m: On 5/██/2019, a heated argument between two junior researchers broke out, leading to full-on physical assault. The attacker (Jr Res Melinda Hauny) claimed that she had no intention of harming the victim, yet an Emerson-Smith pocket knife was found on her person when apprehended. Doctor Hauny has been temporarily relieved of employment and placed in psychological treatment facility H9.
Addendum 5649-12: As of 0:00 GST on 1/1/2020, SCP-5649 has begun what will be its final orbit period. As of this addendum's writing, our predictions estimate the date of the anomaly's neutralization to be 3/18/21.
Countdown-Addendum 5649-1: Date: 1/20/20. The mass of SCP-5649 has reached half of what it was exactly one year ago. Continuing to monitor.
SCP-5649, 2 days before disappearance.
Countdown-Addendum 5649-9: Date is 7/7/20. The mass of SCP-5649 is now half of what it was at the beginning of this year. Continuing to monitor. Request for a manned mission to study SCP-56449 was denied by Paraastrology director L. Woomywood.
Countdown-Addendum 5649-12: Date is 11/1/20. The size of SCP-5649 is one-millionth that of Pluto's. The new estimate is 2/2/2021. Request for a manned mission once again denied by Director Woomywood.
Automated Neutralization Order 5649a342es: Date and Time: 16:56 GST, 2/2/21. Neutralization Report filed for SCP-5649 by Project Head David Sanderson at 13:25 the same day. Report received and filed as ordered by Research Administrator Vincent Jenson. Radiation death-burst detected from object's last location. Stand by for further instructions.
Incident 5649-ARiM: At 13:55 GST on 2/2/21, one of the last hyper-strands from SCP-5649's radioactive death-burst impacted somewhere in the town of Spencer, Iowa. Within 3 hours, 70% of the town's residents were displaying symptoms of acute radiation disorder. Over the following month, over 4,000 deaths were reported among them, with long-term effects guaranteed for at least the next 50 years. A lifted-veil situation was avoided by a joint effort with the United States Department of Homeland Security to regard the radiation as a Broken Arrow Incident gone wrong.
Note: This anomaly was neutralized on 13:21 GST, 2/2/21. Despite our best efforts, Foundation resources were not able to launch a single successful mission to conduct in-person research on the anomaly. Personnel with a clearance level of 3, stand by for further analysis. Level four personnel contact RAISA for further information.
Note from Paraastrology Director Layla Woomywood's Journal: Oh another thing about 5649. My working theory is that the already radioactive bismuth had been amplified by trace amounts of countless elements. The moss may have been a microflora that adapted over thousands of years into what it is now: perfectly suited to the conditions it faced. What I can't figure out is how it (the microflora) got there in the first place. I'm counting the reset-loop as a lost cause. We missed our chance at figuring out what's causing it, and the moss isn't talking. If only radiation worked as it does in movies… Dr. Sanderson seems to be upset about the whole situation and has taken to blaming me for our lack of direct research. He doesn't seem to get that a manned research mission would take lots of time and money. The two things our department doesn't have enough of.
[[footnoteblock]]
Wow! You flipped a card and got: What to say when you don't know a lot about SCP, but want to sound like an experienced author.!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 19:38
Knowledge is powah!
- wise old man
Im sorry for making this. Sorry for semi-coldposting too. DO NOT USE THIS, this is a joke lol.
This started from me seeing a meme about what to say to make yourself sound like you know a lot about football.
In my short time on the wiki, just shy of 1 year, I have learned a lot and have grown as a person for the better. BUT, a lot of my SCP friends didn't. But fear not, I am here to help! Here is a guide on how to look like an author and go out with the cool kids.
Context and Disclaimers!
THIS IS A JOKE DONT TAKE SERIOUSLY PLSPLS YOURE A GREAT AUTHOR TRUST ME
IF YOU USE SHIT LIKE THIS YOURE PROBABLY GONNA LOOK LIKE A RANDOM WANNABE
ALL THE JOKES HERE ARE NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE AND SHOULD BE TAKEN WITH A GRAIN OF SALT
IF YOUR NAME IS IN ONE OF THE JOKES AND YOU DONT WANT IT TO BE THERE THEN TELL ME TO DELETE THEM
Section #1: Situational Lines!
#1: I know [author] is 110% gonna be famous soon, they have the potential to make the next 2521/096/173/1000 (cycle as necessary)!
SITUATION
Has someone asked you "Whats your favorite author?" or "What author do you think is gonna win the X contest?"? Well, first you should take a look at the Author's Pages page and select the name that looks the fanciest. Next, be sure they are still active and writing and memorize the quote they put in the author post of their most popular work (why are there so many quotes??). Then, the scenario should play out like this:
SCENARIO
Cool guy: Whats your fav author?
You (🤮 author): Its xX_=-Jakistonpossikaktus-=_Xx, they are such a good author! Have you seen their newest work? They're gonna make the next 2521 soon, I bet my ass on it!
Cool guy: xX_=-Jakistonpossikaktus-=_Xx?! He sucks! Have you actually seen his newest article?! Its like 10 words long!!11!
#2: IMO [article] had a lot of potential but the author was lazy so they didnt care! >:(
SITUATION
Have you had that awkward relatable situation where the boys are talking about how much an article sucks and how it should be rewrited ASAP? Don't you just hate it when one of them asks for your opinion? Then just use this simple line! You don't even have to know what the article is about!
SCENARIO
Cool guy: Man, have you seen SCP-42069 by jdcactus? It sucks ass!
Cool guy 2: Yeah! Hey, You (🤮 author), what is your opinion?
You (🤮 author): Well, imo SCP-42069 had a lot of potential, but it feels like the author just decided to ignore it and post an unfinished SCP.
Cool guy: Seriously?? It was literally a toilet that makes you piss uncontrollably! How can you think there is any potential for this as a non -j article?! Are you fucking braindead?!
#3: Well, I kind of like your draft, but it just misses a little… something. IDK what it is, it just needs more stuff.
SITUATION
Have you ever been hangin' out with your discord buddies, and then suddenly one of them sends you their new draft? Are you a terrible critter? Fear not! Just click the link they sent you and look at the number of addenda. If it's bellow 3, just use this simple line! You don't even need to know what the SCP is about!
SCENARIO
Cool guy: Hey, wanna check out my new draft? https://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/funni
You (🤮 author): Well, it's a bit short. You should add more addenda.
Cool guy: Did you even read the context?! It's for the [idk some contest about short articles] contest!
ALTERNATIVE: Needs some tests/Needs a story.
#4: My favorite SCP is [insert unknown scp].
SITUATION
Has it happened to you that someone asks you for your favorite SCP? Well, you could be normal and tell them your favorite SCP, but if its a series 1, people are gonna think you haven't read a lot. If you want to seem like a cool kid, you need to choose an SCP with a number higher than 1000 and with less than 1000 upvotes. You can also choose an 001 proposal if you're feeling it (WARNING: DO NOT CHOOSE OUROBOROS, THE GATE GUARDIAN OR WHEN DAY BREAKS).
SCENARIO
Cool guy: What's your favorite SCP? Mine's 5987, really good bait.
You (🤮 author): Well, for me its SCP-3929.
Cool guy: The pills that make you old and horny?! It's absolute dogshit! I've never been more disappointed in kaktus!
#5: The wiki sucks, im moving to [scp ripoff]!
SITUATION
Have you something along the lines of "Staff do something controversial" on the news? Well, you would probably just say to yourself "Eh, staff are also humans. I can forgive them." like a normal person (unless staff really messed up badly). But we all know you are nothing like that, so you have to dramatically announce that you're leaving the community, only to come back a week later.
SCENARIO
Cool guy: Hey, have you heard of the recent drama involving site staff?
You (🤮 author): Yeah! Im leaving for RPC when they aren't fucking toxic like here!
Cool guy: You really sound like you haven't been there, in the discord they spam the damn n-word!
Section #2: Conversation Starters!
#1: What is the best tale/GOI format? (Be sure you don't say "SCP" by accident!)
SCENARIO
You (🤮 author): What is the best GOI format?
Cool guy: Its "The Furmen" by Ralliston, really makes you nervous. Whats your favorite GOI format?
You (🤮 author): *sweating* Uhh… SPC-169- Yeah! Its SPC-169, really funny!
Cool guy: WTF?! SPC-169 is the most unoriginal SPC you can think of! Raise your standards dumbass!
#2: I just read SCP-XXXX, what is your opinion on it?
SCENARIO
You (🤮 author): Woah! I just read SCP-831, its really good.
Cool guy: What even was it? Can you tell me?
*you actually read it cause you didn't in the first place*
Cool guy: Hello?
You (🤮 author): Oh yeah! It was the Tinkerbugs, dont you remember?
Cool guy: Ah, yeah. Pretty interesting. What took you so long to respond?
Section #3: Big-Boy Words to Expand your Vocabulary With!
"Skip" (/skɪp/) - Slang for "SCP".
Usage: "Wanna see my new skip?"
"Addendums" (/əˈdɛndəms/) - Plural form of "Addendum", not correct though. Used by people who don't know that THE RIGHT WORD IS ADDENDA, and im not grammar police for saying that.
Usage: "Your SCP needs more addendums."
"Greenlight" (/ɡriːnlʌɪt/) - The process of getting your first idea approved.
Usage: "Seeking Greenlight: Yes"
"IRC" A chatroom. Synonymous with "a confusing mess for new authors".
Usage: "How the [REDACTED] does IRC work?!"
Afterword
Thats it for the epic list! That should truly help you become the best wiki-imposter you can ever be! More to come because im so sadomasochistic!
Wow! You flipped a card and got: Doctor Mirray and his Archivist of Esoteric things!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 17:30
2
/*
Paperstack Theme
[2020 Wikidot Theme]
By EstrellaYoshte
Based on:
Inkblot Theme by Croquembouche
Word Processor Theme by stormbreath
Modern Theme by Azamo
Simple Yonder Theme by EstrellaYoshte
*/
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Josefin+Sans:wght@700&display=swap');
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Oxygen&display=swap');
@import url(https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Fira+Code&display=swap);
#page-content { font-size: 0.87rem; }
body { font-family: 'Oxygen', sans-serif; }
body {
color: #000000;
background-image: linear-gradient(
to bottom,
#EFEFEF, #EFEFEF 276px,
#D3D3D3 276px, #ffffff 282px,
#ffffff 282px, #ffffff 100%);
background-repeat: no-repeat;
}
#main-content {
top: -1.6rem;
padding: 0.2em;
}
.page-source, .code pre, .code p, .code, tt{
font-family: "Fira Code", monospace;
}
/* ---- HEADER ---- */
div#container-wrap {
background-image: none;
}
div#header {
background-image: none;
}
#header h1, #header h2 { margin-left: 0; float: none; text-align: center; }
/* Move the subtitle down a smidge */
#header h2 { margin-top: 0.45rem; }
/* Hide the existing text */
#header h1 span, #header h2 span { font-size: 0; display: none;}
/* Style the new text */
#header h1 a::before, #header h2::before {
color: #333333;
font-family: 'Josefin Sans', sans-serif;
text-shadow: none;
}
/* Set the new text's content from variable */
#header h1 a::before {
content: var(--header-title, "SCP FOUNDATION");
font-weight: 300;
font-size: 1.3em;
}
#header h2::before {
content: var(--header-subtitle, "SECURE - CONTAIN - PROTECT");
font-weight: 600;
font-size: 1.22em;
}
#login-status,
#login-status a {
color: #333333;
}
#page-title {
display: none;
}
#footer, #footer a {
background: transparent;
color: #333333;
}
#search-top-box-input,
#search-top-box-input:hover,
#search-top-box-input:focus,
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit],
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit]:hover,
#search-top-box-form input[type=submit]:focus {
border: none;
background: #333333;
box-shadow: none;
border-radius: 0px;
color: #efefef;
}
#search-top-box input.empty {
color: #999999;
}
div#search-top-box {
top: 2.3rem;
right: 8px;
}
/* ---- TOP BAR ---- */
#top-bar {
display: flex;
justify-content: center;
right: 0;
top: 7.9rem;
}
@media (max-width: 768px) {
.mobile-top-bar {
display: flex;
justify-content: center;
max-width: 100%;
width: 100%;
left: 0;
}
}
#top-bar, #top-bar a {
color: #333333;
}
/* ---- SIDE BAR ---- */
#side-bar .side-block {
border: transparent;
border-radius: 0;
box-shadow: 0px 0px 7px #999999;
background: #ffffff;
}
#side-bar .side-block.media > * {
display: flex;
justify-content: space-evenly;
}
#top-bar div.open-menu a {
border-radius: 0;
box-shadow: 0px 1px 4px 0 rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2), 0px 3px 10px 0 rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.19);
border: 1px white;
}
@media (max-width: 767px) {
#main-content {
padding: 0;
margin: 0 5%;
border-left: none;
}
#page-title {
margin-top: 0.7em;
}
#side-bar {
background-color: #fff;
left: -19em;
}
#side-bar:target {
border: none;
box-shadow: 3px 0 1px -2px rgba(0,0,0,0.04), 1px 0 5px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.2);
}
#side-bar .close-menu {
transition: width 0.5s ease-in-out 0.1s,
opacity 1s ease-in-out 0s;
display: block;
position: fixed;
width: 100%;
height: 100%;
top: 0;
right: 0;
background: rgba(0,0,0,0.3);
background-position: 19em 50%;
z-index: -1;
opacity: 0;
pointer-events: none;
}
#side-bar:target .close-menu {
width: calc(100% - 19em);
right: 0;
left: auto;
opacity: 1;
pointer-events: auto;
}
#page-content > hr, #page-content > .list-pages-box > .list-pages-item > hr {
margin: 3em -5.5%;
}
#side-bar {
top: 0;
}
#side-bar .heading {
padding-left: 1em;
margin-left: -1em;
}
#search-top-box {
top: 107px;
}
}
/* ---- TABS ---- */
/* ---- YUI TAB BASE ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-nav a,.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a{background-color:inherit;background-image:inherit}.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus{background:inherit;text-decoration:inherit}.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a,.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus,.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:hover{color:inherit;background:inherit}.yui-navset .yui-nav,.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav{border-color:inherit}.yui-navset li{line-height:inherit}
/* ---- YUI TAB CUSTOMIZATION ----*/
.yui-navset .yui-nav,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav{
display: flex;
flex-wrap: wrap;
width: calc(100% - .125rem);
margin: 0 auto;
border-color: #333333;
box-shadow: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav a, /* ---- Link Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a{
color: #333333;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [UNSELECTED] ---- */
background-color: #efefef;
border: unset;
box-shadow: none;
box-shadow: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:hover,
.yui-navset .yui-nav a:focus{
color: #ffffff;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [HOVER] ---- */
background-color: #333333;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav li, /* ---- Listitem Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav li{
position: relative;
display: flex;
flex-grow: 2;
max-width: 100%;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #ffffff;
border-color: transparent;
box-shadow: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav li a,
.yui-navset-top .yui-nav li a,
.yui-navset-bottom .yui-nav li a{
display: flex;
align-items: center;
justify-content: center;
width: 100%;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav li em{
border: unset;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav a em,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav a em{
padding: .35em .75em;
text-overflow: ellipsis;
overflow: hidden;
white-space: nowrap;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected, /* ---- Selection Modifier ---- */
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-nav .selected{
flex-grow: 2;
margin: 0;
padding: 0;
/* ---- Tab Background Colour | [SELECTED] ---- */
background-color: #333333;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a em{
border: none;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a{
width: 100%;
color: #ffffff;
}
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:focus,
.yui-navset .yui-nav .selected a:active{
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #333333;
}
.yui-navset .yui-content {
background-color: #ffffff;
box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999999;
}
.yui-navset .yui-content,
.yui-navset .yui-navset-top .yui-content{
padding: .5em;
border: none;
}
/* ---- INFO BAR ---- */
body{
--barColour: #333333;
}
.info-container .collapsible-block-content{
padding: 0 .5em 30px;
}
.info-container .collapsible-block-content .wiki-content-table{
width: 100%;
}
/* ---- INFO PANE ---- */
#page-content .creditRate{
margin: unset;
margin-bottom: 4px;
}
#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button {
background-color: #ffffff;
border: solid 1px #ffffff;
box-shadow: 0px 0px 7px #999999;
border-radius: 0;
}
#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info {
border: none;
color: #333333;
}
#page-content .rate-box-with-credit-button .fa-info:hover {
background: #333333;
color: #ffffff;
}
.rate-box-with-credit-button .cancel {
border: solid 1px #ffffff;
}
/* ---- PAGE RATING ---- */
.page-rate-widget-box {
box-shadow: 0px 0px 7px #999999;
margin: unset;
margin-bottom: 4px;
border-radius: 0;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rate-points {
background-color: #ffffff !important;
color: #333333 !important;
border: solid 1px #ffffff;
border-radius: 0;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rateup,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown {
background-color: #ffffff;
border-top: solid 1px #ffffff;
border-bottom: solid 1px #ffffff;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a {
background: transparent;
color: #333333;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a:hover,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a:hover {
background: #333333;
color: #ffffff;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .cancel {
background: transparent;
background-color: #ffffff;
border: solid 1px #ffffff;
border-radius: 0;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a {
color: #333333;
}
.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a:hover {
background: #333333;
color: #ffffff;
border-radius: 0;
}
/* ---- PAGE ELEMENTS ---- */
h1,
h2,
h3,
h4,
h5,
h6 {
color: #333333;
font-family: 'Josefin Sans', sans-serif;
font-weight: bold;
}
blockquote,
div.blockquote,
#toc,
.code {
background-color: #F8F8F8;
border: solid 1px #F8F8F8;
box-shadow: 0px 0px 4px #999999;
}
.scp-image-block {
border: solid 8px #ffffff;
box-shadow: 0px 0px 5px #999999;
box-sizing: border-box;
}
.scp-image-block .scp-image-caption {
background-color: #ffffff;
border-top: solid 4px #ffffff;
color: black;
}
#page-content .wiki-content-table tr th {
border: solid 1px #999999;
background-color: #efefef;
/* set border for table title */
}
#page-content .wiki-content-table tr td {
border: solid 1px #999999;
/* set border for table content */
}
div.modalbox {
border-radius: 0;
border: none;
box-shadow: 0px 0px 5px rgba(0,0,0,0.3);
}
/*-- tags --*/
#main-content .page-tags span { max-width: 100%; }
#main-content .page-tags a {
height: 0.9rem;
line-height: 0.9rem;
font-size: 0.76rem;
background-color: #FDFDFD;
border-radius: 0.6rem 0.12rem;
margin: .25rem .2rem; .5rem .2rem;
padding: 0.2rem 0.42rem 0.25rem 0.46rem;
box-shadow: 0.6px 0.6px 1.9px 0.8px rgba(0,0,0,0.27);
}
#main-content .page-tags a:before {
content: "•";
font-size: 1.1rem;
float: left;
position: relative;
top: -0.19rem;
left: -0.24rem;
color: #ffffff;
background-color: #B8B8B8;
color: transparent;
text-shadow: 1px 1px 0.7px rgba(255,255,255, 0.82);
-webkit-background-clip: text;
-moz-background-clip: text;
background-clip: text;
}
/* ---- CUSTOM SYNTAX ---- */
.header-container {
display: flex;
justify-content: flex-end;
align-items: center;
flex-wrap: wrap;
position: relative;
justify-content: space-around;
align-content: space-between;
width: 100%;
left: 0;
align-items: flex-start;
row-gap: 2px;
}
.text-item {
flex-grow: 1;
max-width: 25%;
text-align: center;
}
.grid-item {
flex-grow: 1;
min-width: 25%;
text-align: center;
margin: 8px 6px;
}
@media (max-width: 1200px) {
.grid-item {
min-width: 50%;
}
}
.logo {
position: absolute;
width: 180px;
top: -154px;
left: -17em;
z-index: -1;
}
@media (max-width: 767px) {
.logo {
width: 36%;
top: -9.7em;
left: 32%;
}
}
.textbox {
position: absolute;
width: 42%;
top: 7.5rem;
}
@media (max-width: 960px) and (min-width: 767px), (max-width: 666px) {
.textbox {
position: relative;
width: 100%;
top: 0;
}
}
By Order of the Supervisory Board
This file is classified Level 3/XXXX
The following information is about an anomalous artifact with Class-3 memetic capabilities. Due to the possible usefulness of the object's effects, methods of converting its effects into benefits are being investigated.
XXXX
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX must remain in a standard containment room, housed at Site-78. The object should be on a 1 meter concrete pillar, on which it should be resting. In the event that SCP-XXXX is to be experimented on, all personnel entering to remove SCP-XXXX from its containment room must put on an armored helmet with a memetic hazard filter visor and transport it in a container with a lid with a sealing lid.
After completion of the tests, a memetic hazard cleanup should be performed in the area where the tests were conducted. In case of accidental exposure, the affected personnel should be taken to the psychological medical treatment wing of Site-78.
Description: SC P-XXXX is a glass mirror holder with a rotating system, and a small button on its base. The structure that holds the mirror is made from cast bronze. There is no company or manufacturer's mark on it.
Internally, SCP-XXXX has an anomalous mechanism that induces a memetic effect by a light coming out of the mirror glass when a button on one side of the mirror is pressed. The light will affect any intelligent individual when the projected light is projected into their eyes, inducing the memetic effect to the subject. Each effect varies for each individual on whom the artifact is tested.
The following are the mechanical parts contained in the device and their operation after pressing the button:
- Copper wires. After the button is pressed, a wave of electrical energy will travel through the wires until it reaches the next part. The mechanism by which the wave is created after pressing the button has not been found. All the copper wires connect from the button to the mirror.
- A pink sphere of an unknown metallic material in the middle of the inside of the base that holds the mirror. When the wave Arriving at the sphere, the wave modifies to a type of anomalous energy wave that travels through all the wires until it reaches the mirror, to expand through the reflective glass. The mirror will then shine a cutting light that reaches a distance of 20 meters and covers an area of 6 meters.
When the light produced by the mirror is projected onto an individual's eyes, it will filter a type of Memetic Agent that varies in initial and subsequent effects. SCP-XXXX was recovered in an abandoned house in Brest, France, by agent Charls Picard after receiving a report of an alleged "ritual site". After raiding the area with two other agents, ritualistic items were found for apparent "research" purposes. A book was found containing information on different types of effects of various memetic agents, which were later found to be related to SCP-XXXX.
The device was accidentally activated by Agent Macbay, one of the agents who recovered SCP-XXXX. Agent Macbay suffered an intense headache and dizziness due to a type of memetic agent leaked by the object. Macbay was treated at Site-78, where he received treatment. SCP-XXXXXX has since been placed in containment.
Addendum A: The following are excerpts from the pages of the book obtained in Brest. After the book was obtained, no individual or group of individuals were observed to be present after that, so it is speculated that the occult research was abandoned at some point.
Page Number: 023.
Type of Element: Extremely dangerous brain disruptor.
Relation: Arcane message.
Description: The shape of the brain disruptor is that of a pattern in lines enclosed in a circle, as I was able to observe on the last test subject who suffered from it. We have only seen it about three times, and in one case Brother Joseph was accidentally infected with it. He could not survive. The message from this disruptor from what I have seen, appears to be words in a dead language, or something similar.
The disruptor seems to be trying to let those it infects know of that message, as if it is a regret that must be taken away by telling anyone. But when they end up dead it has that heavy burden again, and its pattern of lines in a circle gets messier and messier each time. For now we don't have a relationship between this disruptor and any specific type of entity, but when we do we will let William know.
Symptoms During and After: The effects during the period of the disruptor's stay, approximately 2 hours (according to me) cause first of all a state of blindness during the first hour. The next effects are a headache, which generates extreme amounts of pain, described in the three experiences of the only three subjects who were infected by it as a "melting of the brain".
This is caused because the disruptor connects in a crude and damaging way to the individual's consciousness, piercing primarily their memory processing all the way to the center of consciousness. Because of this it slowly damages different parts of the brain physically, causing a slow descent into memory malfunction, unconsciousness and finally brain shutdown, culminating in death.
Wow! You flipped a card and got: Horseless' Train Table!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 15:43
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures:SCP-XXXX is currently contained in low-level anomalous cosmetics storage at Site-82
Description: SCP-XXXX is a small, glass cologne bottle with a label reading "Absolute Chick Magnet". SCP-XXXX currently contains 15 mL of cologne, chemical tests of said cologne reveal no anomalous ingredients. SCP-XXXX's effect occur once the cologne has been applied to the skin of a human, leading to a mass attraction of Gallus gallus domesticus chicks , hereby referred to as SCP-XXXX-2. SCP-XXXX-2 entities manifest 3 meters away from the user of SCP-XXXX.
Addendum:
[[footnoteblock]]
Wow! You flipped a card and got: Tawny Critique!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 07:45
Instantly thinking this would work better as a Tale, unless you plan on using test logs to display what the D-Class are feeling. Even then, it's likely that your emotions are being shown through Foundation researchers rather than the D-Class themselves. Clinical tone can definitely be used to display emotion but it is by design a style of writing that is devoid of emotion. Repeatedly describing each D-Class's reaction to your anomaly is likely to become monotonous, even when your description of the final D-Class's emotions will differ.
Unless the D-Class not being briefed on their situation is particularly important to your story, you can delete that bit.
"Usually" disappear? Why not all the time? Are there conditions to who doesn't disappear?
The pocket dimension instantly makes me think of the Infinite Ikea. I'm still interested, but I don't think this is as original an idea as I maybe previously thought. There's nothing inherently wrong with this, but if you struggle with the narrative you might not have an original idea to fall back on. I suggest making this one of the first tests, otherwise it seems like the Foundation is throwing D-Class around when D-Class aren't that expendable. Also if they can leave, it's probably not a pocket dimension.
Actually, scratch that, what's the point of the pocket dimension at all? And the anomaly being a theatre door? Surely the second anomaly is far more important to the story?
There's a lot going on in your central narrative and it doesn't quite feel coherent. You're presumably trying to evoke emotions here, but it's moving so quickly that I'm not feeling anything.
The last sentence of your central narrative intrigues me. I would suggest focusing on the actions and emotions of your "last D-Class" character. You can obviously write the other characters too, but I think they'd probably be written better from his perspective.
The parts of your hook talking about your character letting go of his emotions is not mentioned in your central narrative but it is certainly an important part of your narrative (namely it's your resolution). I want to know both how he physically and mentally escapes the hell. Remember he's a prisoner in a Foundation Site; there's more than one hell on this earth.
Overall I like this idea. I think you need to look at it from a different angle though. Unless you already know specifically how you going to set out your article, I suggest considering a Tale format, because the actual anomaly is less important than your narrative here.
Obligatory can't-greenlight
Also I'm not super interested in sci-fi stuff and haven't read a lot of it so my crit might be weird lol.
I think you put your central narrative in the elevator pitch section and I'm struggling to actually decipher what happens in your article.
You're planning on using a format screw. Format screws are awesome (imo) when used well. As Angryman22 said, they're not typically recommended for first-time authors, but if you're confident and you know what you're doing then go for it.
Narrative-wise, I want to know more about your characters. Why would your aliens kidnap a Foundation agent? Why was the Foundation agent there in the first place? Why would they massacre the aliens? It doesn't seem like the aliens are warranting a massacre here. If the aliens are weaker than the human, it would make sense to trap them; unless your point is that lion cages are fairly easy to escape. How many aliens are there? "Massacre" suggests a lot, but if the agent is uncontainable at the end, they probably should have also been uncontainable at the beginning.
Teal deer: I like the idea, the narrative needs fleshing out.
I also don't suggest pre-drafting (you say you "havent wrote much up yet") because it can limit you in the direction of the narrative. Get ideas crit first before drafting, because your narrative might change.
Hey there!
Overall, I like this. There's a fair few issues but it's a good idea and it seems well thought out. I like that you have an object that could be used to deal great harm but you made it wholesome.
I have a few questions, mostly about points from your elevator pitch. They are as follows:
- Stop
Questions for your Elevator Pitch:
1) Why can't the wearer move more than a few metres when time is frozen? Is it the same distance every time, or does it change? Why such a short distance? Why at all? What happens if they try to?
2) Why can't the person manipulate the environment? Again, what happens if they try to? It's understandable that you would gravitate to one of two extremes with this; either everything can be interacted with or nothing can, but there are other possibilities here.
3) Can the wearer request time to be frozen? Or does the watch choose that?
4) "Free to use" is vague. Any Level-3 researcher can use this skip for anything at any time? Do the Foundation restrict this at any point?
Questions for your Central Narrative:
5) What are the implications of causing problems with the fabric of space-time? What happens? Who deals with it? How is it handled? This is probably another Tale in itself, but if you're going to mention it you should probably be fairly specific about the consequences.
Additional question:
6) How are other people affected?
I hope that helps. Please update me via IRC or Wikidot PMs if you write an answer. :)
Hey there!
Dr Wile seems to have already given you a reasonable critique, however I do have your draft at hand so I'm referencing that as well.
Concept
It's based off of a meme. Creating SCPs that are based on already-existing things is generally inadvised, especially for first-time authors. You have no original idea to fall back on.
To be incredibly blunt, I fail to see how this is comedy. This 100% does not read as a comedy genre skip to me at all. Your joke is "lol trollface" which just isn't funny. It doesn't evoke any emotion really.
What are the actual implications of a person bathing in the trollface bath for too long? What's the point?
I don't know much at all about memetics but I'm pretty sure that's not how anti-memes work.
Object classes have nothing to do with how dangerous an object is. Put in it a box and don't allow contact with it and you're good. Safe, not Keter. If you want more depth in explaining danger and risk, I recommend using the Anomaly Classification System.
Don't mix up the difference between your entity (the bathtub) and the entity you're looking at throughout most of forum thread (the oil). Rewrite it if need be.
I fail to see how it could possibly be shock horror.
Draft
There's a lot going on in your draft. Some of it might warrant some kind of positive reaction, but it's not super coherent.
Your ConProcs are nonsensical. They're so full of mistakes I'm not going to list them. You need to read the guides.
If a particularly specific part of a containment procedure isn't necessary, you can probably omit it. D-Class are prisoners, they probably (99%) aren't going to be given weapons because they would probably try to leave. Level-2 personnel make up a lot of the Foundation, meaning that your ConProcs are functionally useless. Think about your idea in detail before you write it.
The events that occur in your draft are not the same as the events you vaguely outlined in your ideas thread. Your discovery log is not even mentioned in your ideas thread.
I recommend going away and rewriting your ideas thread around the draft or vice versa if you are so committed to writing this concept. Alternatively, think about other ideas you could write.
Overall, I don't like this. I recommend reading the guides a little more in depth and coming up with different ideas that aren't based in existing pop culture. I don't recommend pre-drafting (writing your draft before ideas critique) because your narrative can change significantly following critique, among other reasons.
Hey there! Obligatory I-can't-greenlight.
I personally like this idea, and I think it has potential.
The real problem is that you're lacking a narrative. Your central narrative isn't an outline of the physical format of your article, it's your storyline.
How does the SCP work? What sorts of punishments is it giving out? What are its criteria for judging whether people "spark joy" or not? Why is it even doing it in the first place?
You say you have a lot of ideas for testing logs; please tell me what they are. What tests are you writing, how do they work, and what are the results?
This reads as a comedy article, but I find it interesting that you didn't specify this in your post. Did you intend for your article to be comedy, or should it invoke different emotions?
The metaphor idea is absolutely something I did not consider when I first saw your thread in the forum and I think it would be a good direction to take your article, possibly at the expense of the comedy. Again, you need to think about the emotions you are trying to invoke in your writing.
I would suggest thinking more about your narrative and where you want the story to go. You sure do have an anomaly, but you haven't written a narrative here yet.
Hope that helps :)
Hi, sorry for the delay!
My main question here is "Why?". What are your anomaly's reasons for judging whether people "spark joy" or not? Why is it doing it?
The orange, blobby SCP is SCP-999.
The D-Class testing thing is pretty interesting, You could also have it vary based on crime committed, as well as the other factors you mentioned, if you wanted.
I think cross-testing opens a lot of doors, as much as I don't really like Series I, but I still think you're lacking a narrative somewhat and I'm worried that your article will end abruptly. To partially-steal a brainstorming method from another critter, you have characters and arguably you have a conflict but you don't really have a conclusion. How does this story end? Without a clear narrative timeline, you risk creating a disconnected group of incidents in your article, which isn't really what people are looking for anymore. I recommend reading some more recent (Series VI) articles before you consider this.
Comedy articles can also have dark metaphors and undertones, and vice versa. There's no one genre you have to stick to here, really, Making it funny in the beginning and gradually revealing the dark parts while keeping some of the humour would probably be a good way to do it.
As for writing dark, philosophical stuff, that'll come to you with practice. Nobody is born able to write well. If that's the direction you want to go in, I recommend reading dark, philosophical stuff, especially from more recent series. There's quite a lot of it on this site.
I'm really excited to see what comes out of this. It's a really crazy idea and I do genuinely like it.
1) Don't blackbox in your ideas thread. Blackboxing is okay in your article in moderation but blackboxing in your ideas thread just shows you probably don't know the details of what you're writing.
2) You're lacking narrative here. An SCP article is a short story, you still need a story. What actually happens in your article that makes your entity a character in a story, rather than just a thing that does a thing?
3) If Risk and Disruption aren't calculable, don't calculate them, although that's not really how the classes work in-universe. You don't have to use the ACS.
4) Esoteric Class skips are typically hard to write, especially Apollyon. I'm not saying you shouldn't try, but you probably need to read a lot more first.
5) Essentially what you have here is a really-overpowered entity which doesn't have a purpose. Why has it been tasked with watching the universe? What emotions does it feel? What emotions am I supposed to feel in this story?
"God" - a god that exists in our universe? or not? a false god? explain.
You're still lacking a narrative. What are the actual events that occur in your story and what order do they occur in?
Regret is an emotion. How is it feeling regret? What things did it do to make it feel regret?
You said before that your entity was uncontainable and then wrote that it was in a cell. Those two things don't add up.
I think you need to think more about your narrative than your character. I suggest focusing on its emotions in containment and the change between how it is in containment and how it was before. Loss of power evokes a lot of emotion, and I could absolutely see a really good Tale come out of this, but I think it needs a lot more work.
Hello!
Quick crit time because I have a couple minutes and I saw this in #thecritters.
1) "SCP-XXXX" is how you should be referring to your anomaly in your ideas forum thread. You don't pick a number until you're about to post to the mainsite.
2) "Genre: Informative"????? Informative?? Please explain.
3) SCP-045 seems to be a standard article format? Bluntly, have you read more than one article?
4) Teleporting werewolf, as was said earlier in the IRC, is a very cliche idea. There's nothing inherently wrong with cliches, but without a narrative you have no original idea to fall back on. Without a narrative, you have no story.
5) I'm not a science person but why is your anomaly doing nuclear fusion?
6) Your central narrative really doesn't have anything to do with your anomaly. Like, at all. I mean, if you can justify it, then fair enough, but it seems like a completely different idea. Even then, it's not a super strong narrative.
7) "Grammar, punctuation" Yes, SPaG is in fact important.
8) "the tool bar" Do you mean the ACS?
9) I don't know if it's against the rules to link your draft in your ideas forum thread, but either way it's not recommended that you pre-draft, for various reasons as I said before in #thecritters, especially before reading the guides, because you should get critique first.
I recommend going away, actually reading the guides (multiple times) that Limeyy (I think it was Limeyy) and I sent you in #thecritters, deciding where you want to take your narrative, and then editing your forum thread accordingly.
Good luck.
Hello again.
You haven't really changed anything except the words. And redacting how your anomaly teleports is not going to aid your narrative. You need to explain the events that actually happen in your story and how it affects your characters. You have no original idea and no narrative, therefore you do not have a story.
I recommend, again, reading the guides (especially this one in relation to crafting your story and this one in relation to better formulating your ideas in this thread) and brainstorming some ideas in your sandbox and/or in #thecritters as to what could happen in your article.
Some questions to spark ideas:
1) Why is your anomaly a scientist? What area does it study or specialise in?
2) Did it become a werewolf first, or a scientist first?
3) Does it work for the Foundation? Does the Foundation know it's a werewolf?
4) What "shady business" is your anomaly involved in? How involved in "shady business" is your anomaly?
5) How does your anomaly feel about being a werewolf? What emotions are your readers supposed to feel?
6) Why are the answers to the above questions important or significant to your story?
I hope that helps.
Hi! Sorry for the wait.
You need to remember that SCP articles are stories. To have a story, you need a narrative. You seem to have described the progression of one interview, and maybe a discovery log, but it seems weak and disconnected. I want to know more about your character and your anomaly (especially your anomaly) and how they interact with each other.
What's the significance of the symbols, and your anomaly's ability to speak "up to" 45 languages? Is it 45 or fewer? Why only 45 languages? There's a lot more languages in the world than that; how does it choose?
You haven't really mentioned anything about your anomaly's ability to see into the future in your central narrative. If you're going to include it, I want to hear about it (hint: I want to hear about it, please explain more). Regardless, it's a little cliche and you risk not having an original idea at the end of it.
In terms of where your narrative is focused, you could create a Tale. It needs a lot of work, but you have a character-focused story here, with your anomaly as a secondary thing.
In regards to your hook, you need one. Your hook is what makes people interested in your story, and you should want people to be interested in your story. I suggest thinking about what makes your story interesting.
Crit isn't "criticism", it's "critique". Concept crit helps you think about your idea in different ways and make it better.
In terms of "help", you can read this guide: http://www.scpwiki.com/how-to-write-an-scp, and talk to people in #thecritters and on this forum thread about your idea.
I hope that helps. Send me a Wikidot PM or a message/.tell in #thecritters if you reply here because I probably won't see otherwise.
21:08 <TawnyOwlJones> ShadyApples24: basically you need to say more to me than "i know i need a narrative". You need to explain the narrative so I can critique your idea.
21:08 <TawnyOwlJones> You said in your PM that your skip picks which language it speaks but in your forum thread, you said it was speaking multiple languages including german. I do want to know about the seeing into the future part because that's your story. If you don't know what you want to write yet, think about it first.
21:08 <ShadyApples24> ight
21:09 <TawnyOwlJones> you need a narrative progression. you have characters, and they need to do things
21:09 <TawnyOwlJones> tell me about your story, what ideas do you have?
21:10 <Bernard> heyo guys, i just had an idea for a scp, i havent posted it on the ideas forum yet because i still want to build on it but i want to know if the basic idea would work
21:10 <ShadyApples24> Im going to just brainstorm and do a braindump about in one of my idea's journal then after that make a forum thread about it
21:10 <ShadyApples24> i was a little to quick
21:10 <Limeyy> bernard hit me
21:10 <TawnyOwlJones> cheers Limeyy :)
21:11 <Limeyy> :))
21:11 <TawnyOwlJones> ShadyApples24: that's okay, I recommend updating your original forum thread instead of making a new one, unless your idea is incredibly different
21:11 <ShadyApples24> oh ok I will just do that
21:12 <ShadyApples24> Thx again for the help you ARE a very helpful person on this website :D
21:12 <TawnyOwlJones> awesome! feel free to PM me if you need a hand, and I'm happy to look at your thread again when you've changed it
Hello! Sorry for the delay.
The premise is interesting. "Computer virus infects humans" has probably been done before but I like the way you've planned this out. I do have some questions though.
You don't have any characters. You have a narrative, but you don't have anybody reacting to your narrative. There's quite a few options for roles your character could take here, and each one would react with different emotions.
In terms of narrative progression, you don't have any until you have characters. Once you have characters, I want to hear about how your story pans out for them.
Can your virus not evolve within people? What makes it different from a virus originating in humans that stops it from evolving when infecting human hosts? And surely the Foundation would want to limit the spread, even for no reason other than that they contain anomalies? (hint: there could also be other reasons; think about it)
What happens to the people infected with this virus? You said that they die but how preserved is their consciousness? Do they know they're dead?
The virus can "think" independently? Or is it programmed to think that monitering people means hijacking them? Either way: who, why?
I'm very interested in this idea, but I also think you should think more about the specifics.
Hello!
There's a lot going on in your forum thread. You seem to have some semblance of a narrative, but there's so many different anomalous items in your concept that I'm not entirely sure where to start.
You start by saying that the language itself is anomalous, which is fine, but then your story is complicated by the cave and the skeletons. I also don't understand what you mean by "change to match the description given by the writing".
If you can explain the purpose of the skeletons in relation to the language being anomalous, I will be more than happy to give your idea a fair and detailed critique. There's only so much I can say when I don't understand the concept.
I would like to know more about the language and why it is anomalous. Ancient Greek, while dead, is still fairly easily translatable, and is definitely recognisable compared to other languages. I know multiple people IRL who speak Ancient Greek, it's not an anomalous language in itself.
In terms of narrative progression, your skip is a little disjointed. I want to see the events that happen in your skip, the order that they happen in, why they are important, how they affect your characters, and how your characters react to them.
In regards to interview questions, I recommend not having filler questions as ShadyApples does not match any existing user name said in their crit. If it doesn't advance your narrative and/or your readers already know about it, don't include it.
I hope that helps. Overall, I like the idea, but I think it's too crowded.
Hi!
As biased as I am towards amnestics content, this isn't really my vibe as it is. HOWEVER, I have some critique for you.
Having immunity to certain drugs isn't inherently anomalous, but there's a couple of things you could make out of this:
1) Having immunity to all drugs. Again, not inherently anomalous, just something to consider.
2) Having a perfect memory.
2a) Having a perfect memory that cannot be erased.
3) Having "conditional immunity". He gets to decide when he's affected by amnestics or not.
Regardless of what path you take with his abilities, what you're really missing here is a narrative. You need a story.
What does he see that requires the Foundation to interfere? How do the Foundation find him in the first place? How does he react to the Foundation? How do the Foundation react to him? Are his memories different following amnesticisation to how they were before? What does he do with the information he has about other skips? What are the events that happen in your skip, and what emotions is your character feeling? How do those emotions change throughout your story?
It's also worth mentioning that there's no canon when it comes to amnestics. There are essays (here and here) but they just serve to provide an outline. Amnestics do not have to solely be drugs, check out the essays I linked and also this Tale (there's not tons of information about amnestics in this Tale but it does show that you can make your own canons) if you feel like learning more, or come brainstorm with me in #thecritters (but not today!).
I apologise for using footnotes instead of hyperlinks, I can't be bothered with figuring out code today.
I hope that helps. As I mentioned before, I am incredibly biased, but I do think you have the foundations of a good idea here. You just need to brainstorm some more and think about your idea in more depth.
To be incredibly blunt, this doesn't seem to be going anywhere. You've got some base of a timeline, but what narrative you have seems like pointless torture of a basically-immortal X-Man child. I just don't see the point.
There's nothing inherently wrong with writing dark content, I like dark content, but you probably shouldn't attempt it as your first idea, especially when it comes from a presumably-self-insert, self-indulgent, h/c wattpad fic.
I'm not feeling any emotions from this, and your character doesn't seem to be either. From reading your forum thread, I genuinely do not care about your character.
Your ideas thread seems to be a cut-down version of a pre-draft. Generally, I don't mind considering pre-drafts in conjunction with well thought out ideas threads, but this is not that.
I recommend you go away and brainstorm ways to make your character less cliche and your narrative less monotonous. You need events in your narrative to make people want to read it, and it has to have an ending somewhere. I want to know who your character is, how she found this Site, how she reacts to her powers, and what emotions she's feeling regarding containment. I also want to know why she's being tortured and how your story ends. What's the point?
Hello again.
Disclaimer: I don't know anything about the Scarlet King; you might be better off asking for critique from somebody who does.
Your character would likely not be classified as Safe because she is a sentient humanoid. Try Euclid or Keter instead. Object Classes have nothing to do with how dangerous an object is either.
Death is hard to write and typically a dissatisfying ending. I still don't care about your character, and reading about her death doesn't spark any emotions either. I also don't understand why she's being tortured by the Foundation, especially at a Site that's still under construction, or why there's Foundation staff at your under-construction or abandoned Site.
I think you have too much going on, both with your character and your narrative. You've created a very-overpowered character; I would suggest limiting her anomalous affect to something specific and giving her a personality and some goals.
From the How To Write An SCP guide: "Reality-benders, magic users, or overtly superpowered people are really hard to do right. While some have been successfully pulled off, it usually takes a seasoned, experienced writer to do them well enough to not dive-bomb into a negative rating" and "If your humanoid has more than one anomalous effect or property, make sure that they make sense and go together".
Narrative-wise, I would suggest focusing on what happened to her in the cult, and take the torture stuff out of the Foundation section entirely. The Foundation are not always good people, but I don't see why they would pointlessly torture a child. The Foundation are cold, not cruel etc etc.
I hope that helps.
Hi! Sorry for the wait.
This certainly has the foundations of a good idea but I think you're including too many events and not enough detail about any of them.
You have 400 words to write your idea. You have used 125 of them, and only 80 on your central narrative. You obviously don't need to use all the words, but you should be giving more detail, especially about your narrative.
In terms of your actual idea, I think it's fairly original. I like it, but you don't really have a story yet. You need a narrative.
In regards to your central narrative, you have bullet points. I want to know the details.
Which Pagan festival or ritual is this? I'm immediately thinking Midnight Game, but, as a non-witchcraft-practising Pagan, I really don't know much about it, nor was it an annual ritual. The annual Pagan festivals are Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, Lughnasadh, Mabon, and Samhain, although some Pagans and witches choose to celebrate deity-based festivals as well. I suggest you do more research into your setting.
There's nothing wrong with just saying "a Pagan ritual", but it does feel like you're ignoring that Paganism was and still is a religion rather than just some scary horror story plot device.
Religion rant over, I want to know more about your ghost. How did he die? Why did he die? Why is he a ghost? Does he have some sort of purpose to fulfill? What does he do at the carnival? Is he only there when the carnival is happening? Why? Or why not? What emotions is he feeling? What emotions am I supposed to be feeling when I read your story? Am I supposed to feel sad for him? I don't…
In regards to the guy who sees your ghost, how is he affected?
What is the relevance of the child? What's the significance of your ghost being able to procreate with living people? Why does it matter?
How does your story end?
Essentially you've got the skeleton of an interesting idea here, but you definitely need more detail about your central narrative.
I hope that helps. Please feel free to reply here with answers to my questions, or come into #thecritters on IRC and send me a tell (I'll get back to you).
Hi! Sorry for the delay.
This is a really interesting idea. I think it's original, but I still think you're missing some important information.
Mainly I want to know why. What is the point of your anomaly? Is there a reason it triggers necrophobia, or is it just an unfortunate coincidence?
What is your anomaly's range? You say in your central narrative that it affects all mammal corpses, but unless you develop that idea it's just a throwaway remark. Are there specific conditions to which corpses your anomaly affects? Is it a pathogen, and if so how does it spread? If not, what is it, and how do the Foundation hope to contain it? Are there any preventative measures that can be taken to stop the anomaly affecting certain corpses, and if so what are they?
How does your story end? What conclusion do the Foundation come to? How do they stop this phenomenon from occuring, or if they can't what are the consequences?
In regard to ShadyApples does not match any existing user name's critique of your idea, you absolutely should go into detail about what your anomaly does. You should also then explain how it affects people and why it matters. With a skip that affects the whole world, amnestics aren't super viable, but initally you could mention them in relation to the village if you wanted to.
Hi!
Disclaimer that I haven't seen WandaVision so I don't know the context here. Regardless, I suggest you separate your idea from the original context since articles based on things from pop culture don't usually do well on the mainsite.
You have a limit of 400 words to write your idea; you have used 72 of them, and only 42 on your central narrative. You don't need to use all the words, but you do need to explain what happens in your story and how each part is connected.
In terms of actual substance, you don't have defined characters and you don't have a narrative so you currently have no story. I'm confused as to why it is relevant that your reality bender is dead and also how exactly he died. Does his facsimile world stick around, or does it disappear after he dies? Also what is a "people-faker" and why are there multiple of them?
With your narrative, having a well-defined atmosphere is great, but you also need narrative progression. A set-up, a build-up, a conflict, and a resolution. What are your characters actually experiencing, and how do they feel about it? How are the retellings of the events different from how the events actually happened?
Your narrative needs to be coherent and it needs to come to an end. How do you plan on ending your article so it doesn't seem disjointed? i.e you have to connect the accounts in some way instead of leaving each one free-standing.
You've got a cool idea here, and I could see an article or a Tale come out of it, but it needs a lot of work.
I hope that helps. Feel free to reach out to me in #thecritters or by Wikidot PM if you reply or add anything and I'm happy to take a second look.
Hi!
Lots of questions here. Take your time thinking about the answers, you don't need to answer with the first thing that comes into your head.
Why is it important that your anomaly is sentient? How does its sentience play into the narrative? If it wasn't sentient, how would the story change?
Why only follow one D-Class? Testing often requires multiple different conditions, therefore you probably need more D-Class. If you specifically want to focus on one D-Class, I suggest making this a Tale rather than an article. If you're trying to focus on the effects of the anomaly, write an article. If you're focusing more on the emotions your character is feeling, consider a Tale.
I want to know more about the effects. Do all affected people feel the same effects? Are the effects instantaneous or do they occur in separately? If they occur separately, do they occur in the same order for every person? Do they continue even after the music had stopped? Can the people take the headphones off as they wish, and, if they can, does the anomaly have the same effect on them? Does use of your anomaly always lead to death, and does it take the same amount of time for the person to die? Do they always die the same way? What changes it?
This is me making it clear you will likely want to describe the effects of your anomaly as well as how the affected people feel and how they react to those feelings. "They just die" is not particularly satisfying, put some thought into it.
Object Class does not have anything to do with danger, but rather with ease of containment. The classification you are probably looking for is the Risk Class in the ACS.12
I want to know why your anomaly suddenly created a sound loud enough to kill multiple Foundation personnel when it did not previously do that. Unless it did previously do that, in which case you need to make that clear.
Overall, I think this idea has a lot of potential. It's a little barebones right now, but it's got something. Send me a tell on #thecritters if you reply here. :)
The sentience makes a lot more sense than it did before, thank you for explaining. I think if you're taking sentience into account then you need to explain the emotions that your anomaly experiences as well as the emotions your D-Class character(s) experience(s). i.e you need to explain that the headphones emitted that sound because it was scared. An additional question: Does it know it's killing people?
Hi!
The core idea is good, but it's doing too many things at once. Delving into time-travel and changing reality is very hard to write, and I suggest reading articles, guides, and essays that look at similar things if you do decide to go down that path.
You don't really have a narrative either, or at least you haven't explained it. SCP articles are short stories, not descriptions of things that do things. Who are your characters? How do they interact with your anomaly? What specific memories is the anomaly showing them, and how do they feel about it? If you do decide to bring reality-bending into this, what exactly is/are your character or characters doing to change the memories? Are there repercussions to this? Is time changed forever? For other people? Why or why not?
You've got a solid idea here, but you definitely need to brainstorm more about how the narrative plays out.
I hope that helps. I am doing other things today but send me a tell in #thecritters if you reply here and I'll look at it later.
Hi!
So this currently feels more like an entry in the Log of Anomalous Items, but most ideas have the potential to become SCPs.
Your central narrative section should tell out your story in full. If you've got surface-level stuff you haven't thought of yet, consider brainstorming more before you make a forum thread.
Hiding information such as the breed of this dog is usually not a good idea, especially in your ideas forum thread, and is generally indicative of not thinking about your idea enough.
That being said, you've summarised your anomaly's abilities fairly well. I want to know how you are planning to turn this into a story.
Are you going to follow one character, or multiple? How are your characters being injured? Is there a limit to the injuries your anomaly can heal? Does it choose who to heal? How does it choose who to heal?
Why is it relevant that the dog is 5m tall?
I hope that helps! Feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi!
Currently this looks like an anomalous item, but you don't have a narrative so it isn't an SCP yet.
Questions about your anomaly:
1) What do you mean by "details"?
2) What details does your anomaly take?
3) Where does it get them from?
4) Does it choose what to take?
5) Does it choose what to give?
6) Are the details copied or removed?
Questions about your narrative (because you should have one):
1) Who is your character? You mention "Dr Jacob"; I want to know who that is.
2) Did somebody create your anomaly, or did they find it? If they created it, why?
3) How does your character interact with your anomaly? What do they use it for, and how do they feel about that?
4) If your anomaly is single-use, are there multiple of them? If so, are they all in the possession of one character?
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here with answers to my questions or send me a tell in #thecritters in IRC.
Hi! Sorry for the delay.
I'm confused about why your anomaly can remove her heart without dying but she dies if other people do it.
Why is the last log labelled a success when you describe it as a failure? Even if Dr Palmer manages to insult the SCP, she ends up in even deeper shit than she was before. That doesn't seem like a success. I also don't understand why the SCP offers her the challenge in the first place. What's the point?
Why is Dr Palmer following the anomaly's orders to complete the challenge at all? Sure, incompetent researchers can exist, but the Foundation allowing Dr Palmer to complete the challenge (and, indeed, attempt it at all) rather than removing her from her post just makes the Foundation look incompetent.
I'm torn between saying I like the ending and saying I don't like the ending. I don't think it's particularly satisfying to leave it on a cliffhanger. You also need to remember that the Foundation is writing these articles in-universe. If Dr Palmer is stuck wherever she is forever, the Foundation never receive that email and so they cannot include it in their report. I do like the idea that the SCP is stopping her from sending the email, but I don't understand why it's doing that.
The Pandora's Box stuff isn't really relevant to your story. The stories aren't linked and they aren't particularly similar either. You don't need to link your story to an existing one.
I hope that helps.
Hi!
I'm confused as to what your anomaly actually is, but I'm going to presume it's an anomaly which creates new anomalies from living people. I'm not sure whether "the photocopy woman" is also anomalous, but I'm presuming so.
In regards to your central narrative, I want to know how your anomaly works, and who it affects. You've said about Foundation staff being affected by the anomaly but surely it can't be all of them, or only them? Who are the specific characters you are writing about? I am interested in the direction you want to take this, but I want to know specifically what your characters are feeling, and how the conflict is resolved. What are the main points in your story?
Can the photocopier copy anything? Is there a limit to how many things it can copy, both in total and of each thing?
Are the copies true copies, or are they different in any way to the "originals"? I'm thinking that because your anomaly is a photocopier that the "original" people are still alive etc.
Why is your photocopy woman creating a species of photocopies? What's the point? Is she contained by the Foundation too, or do they just take the photocopier?
Do the photocopies feel pain? Have emotions? Replacing the D-Class with clones is a reasonable proposal, but I'm unsure as to how it works both ethically and logistically, and how it links in with your characters' emotions.
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi!
Is your pocket dimension infinite or does it just seem to be? How much are the Foundation actually seeing?
What kind of creatures does your pocket dimension contain? Do they exist in our world? Do they behave the same as in our world? Can they move between dimensions? My understanding of pocket dimensions is that they cannot be exited, but I may be wrong. What sort of ecosystem is it? How do your characters interact with the creatures and with the ecosystem, and how do they interact with your characters?
What is the contents of the letter? How does the letter tie into the Foundation finding the exits in the pocket dimension? Is the letter supposed to evoke some sort of emotional reaction in your characters, and if so, what emotions are they feeling? Do they find the author of the letter?
I hope that helps! Feel free to reply here if you have answers to my questions or more to say.
Hi!
Disclaimer: I have not read anything in the Broken Masquerade canon, so my crit might not be in context.
So initially I'm noticing problems with your central narrative. You've said you're going to do interviews and test logs, but you haven't said what they will contain. What are the Foundation asking the owner of this anomaly about? What are they testing for? What are they actually doing in the tests and what are the results? Where does your story take place and how does that affect your narrative?
What prior history does your store owner have with the Foundation, and with anomalous entities other than his store? How does he remember them? [Reconsideration: Broken Masquerade canon may allow for this plot point, but I'm not sure.]
What information do the Foundation gather from the interviews and experiments and what do they do with it?
I hope that helps.
Hi!
Your idea is interesting. I don't know whether the claim in your hook is true, but I'm willing to believe it.
In regards to your central narrative, you need one. If you have a draft, you probably have a narrative. Series VI articles, by and large, are short stories in the form of scientific reports, rather than descriptions of things that do things (like in a lot of Series I articles).
Some questions to create a narrative:
1) Who are your characters?
2) How do your characters interact with your anomaly? What happens to them?
3) How is your anomaly compelling people to find it?
4) You say your anomaly won't let your characters escape. How do your characters feel about that?
5) How does your story end?
(I'm not staff so there's way more to licensing than this but in regards to the image in your sandbox, make sure it's licensed under CC-BY-SA.)
I hope that helps! Feel free to reply here if you have answers to my questions and/or more to say.
Hi.
(Staff, I apologise in advance if any of this is ad hominem, I really tried to avoid it)
I saw your coldposts earlier and I have a lot to say about both your coldposts and this idea, but I'll keep it short.
This is an incredibly ableist idea. Treating autistic people as non-human is not a good look. I also don't understand how it's relevant to your story that your character is autistic and I feel like your story just exists to vilify disabled people.
If you are not autistic, you should not be writing about autistic people, especially not without at least having spoken to a wide variety of autistic people. If you are autistic, you should probably write about autistic people and experiences other than "not-quite-human white male teenager/young child hurts people maybe-not-on-purpose". We most certainly do not need more stereotyping. (Also please do not use "autistic" as a noun if you aren't autistic please and thank you.)
In regards to your actual idea, you're missing a lot of information. What kind of catastrophic event is your anomaly creating? If you are treating meltdowns as catastrophic events, that is ableism. That includes replacing meltdowns with reality-bending catastropies. Do you mean any overstimulating sound or visual? Or are you planning on keeping this autistic child in sensory deprivation? If you are planning on doing that, I suggest not doing that. Again, it's very ableist.
What is the creature and how does your character interact with it? How does it interact with your character?
Abled people being scared of disabled people is ableist. Do not write that. There is nothing inherently wrong with writing bigoted characters, although I certainly don't recommend it in your first article, but writing a skip where the characters are incredibly bigoted and you as the author condone the bigotry is incredibly dangerous and traumatising to disabled people.
Overall I don't like this idea. Feel free to seek other people's opinions but I advise coming up with other ideas.
Hi!
I like this idea, but I had to read it through multiple times before I even understood the basic premise. I think you've probably got too much going on at once.
I originally took it that the doppelgangers were copies of the people who created the space in time, and that made sense in my head, but I think what you were actually going for is that the people who create the space in time (or cause the anomaly to create it) summon somebody else who is then murdered by a doppelganger of themselves. However, you then go on to say that a little boy was murdered after he stepped onto the field, which contradicts your previous statement.
(I'm using the latter interpretation for the rest of the crit; if you want me to interpret it another way, please tell me and I will happily do so.)
Are the doppelgangers sentient? Do they feel things? Do they know that they're murdering copies of themselves? How do they feel about it?
If the doppelgangers stop existing once the original person leaves the field, how do the murders occur in places outside the field? Can the doppelgangers leave on their own accord, and if they can, how are they then killing the original copies of themselves? If they kill the copy and then leave, is it obvious that they're not the same person?
What investigation ensues to trace the doppelgangers back to the field, and how are you going to show it in your article? If the Foundation are tracing multiple doppelgangers, why do they only find one person?
Does the amusement park exist in "real life"? i.e. does it disappear when the people leave the field? If so, why not in case?
What are the interesting parts of the diary and the exploration log that further the story? What do the Foundation find out about the anomaly from the diary and the explanation log?
The Foundation don't typically lose things. I'm willing to forgive that, but don't make them look incompetent; they aren't.
What happens in the "disaster scenario"? Does a specific event trigger it? A specific person?
Is there somebody controlling the field, or does it act on its own accord? Does it choose who is affected?
I'm not a fan of "Foundation uses anomaly to take advantage of things". Unless you already have something planned, it's generally enough to just contain the object.
I hope that helps. Please feel free to reply here if you want to answer my questions and/or you have more to say.
This is a really good idea and it's very clear you've thought about it a lot. I would greenlight this if I could. I do still have a couple questions though.
Forgive me for not knowing much about science but does rapid cellular division not cause cancer? Could you somehow factor that into "potential harm" caused by the anomaly?
"The experiments that are conducted on the inhabitants of the town thus swiftly turn from the cause of the anomaly to its potential benefits"
I can understand the need for the Foundation to study and conduct tests/experiments on the inhabitants of the town initially, but if they're looking for potential benefits where testing may cause significant harm then surely they would use D-Class?
I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with this, especially regarding the two Site Directors. Good luck.
Hi!
You don't really have a narrative here. You have a human who is affected by an anomalous phenomenon, but you don't show any other characters or any interactions, etc. Who is your anomaly's family, friends, etc? Who at the Foundation interacts with it? How does it feel about being in containment, and how does it react to being anomalous? What is the conflict in your story? How does that conflict start and how is it resolved?
If your anomaly doesn't have any knowledge of the phenomenon, then how does it know it doesn't age?
Does it die on the same day every year? If it's then reborn two years younger, does it eventually become younger than 0? Or is it just reliving the same two years on repeat?
It is not possible to "inherit" anything from somebody not related to you. How does the anomaly pass on this effect to its friends? Why does it affect them differently?
(I don't recommend writing about any mental illness unless you are either affected by it or you know a lot about it by speaking to people who are affected by it. PTSD is not always just Vietnam War flashbacks. Please be sensitive with trauma stuff, it's really serious.)
I don't understand how this anomaly is abusable. Like, at all.
You've got a pretty mundane anomaly here. Writing humanoids is really hard, and not generally advised for your first article. If you can form some sort of narrative involving your character then it might work.
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi!
I like this idea! It's got potential.
I agree with 
Vivarium about writing a WWS article, since you have an anomalous animal. If you do want to make it an SCP, you need to think more about your narrative. Beyond it being discovered, what are you actually showing, in terms of its abilities and its progression? Could the Foundation find some way to exploit it, e.g. by providing it with different sounds to create something useful?
I don't really understand the part about it becoming deaf, both narratively and logistically. Logistically, if it's in a soundproof room then surely it cannot hear anything outside at all, regardless of whether there's a containment breach occuring. Narratively, I'm not sure it changes much and it might lead to an unsatisfying ending.
I do like the underlying metaphor, but I think you could still bring that into a WWS format.
I hope that helps! :)
Hi!
Your anomaly seems a little overpowered, and I've definitely seen similar ideas before, if not on the site then definitely off-site. There's nothing inherently wrong with not having an original idea, but you do risk not having an original idea to fall back on if your narrative fails.
In regards to your central narrative, SCP articles are short stories written in the form of scientific reports. You need to create a story in which your anomaly features.
Who interacts with your anomaly? What happens to them? Are there people who are immune to your anomaly's effect?
How does the Foundation interact with your anomaly, and how do they interact with the characters possessed by the anomaly? How do your characters react to the Foundation?
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here with answers to my questions.
Hi!
I'm not really sure what to think of this. You've sort of vaguely described your anomaly and your narrative but they don't seem to connect?
How is your anomaly using other animals' vocal cords to emit sound? What is it physically doing that allows it to do that? What sounds does it make? Why does it do it?
Your narrative is very much mundane rather than anomalous and I'm unsure as to how it relates to your anomaly. Is your anomaly emitting sounds so loud that it's causing mines to collapse? Why?
Mines can collapse due to earthquakes, and it is entirely feasible that you could create an anomaly that emits sound at a volume/frequency that causes earthquakes but you do also need to remember that the Foundation should factor into your writing.
How the Foundation react to your anomaly and how they solve whatever situation your anomaly causes is generally more important than your anomaly's abilities.
You also have 400 words to write the last four sections of your ideas forum thread. You have used 62 words in total, and only 30 on your central narrative. You need to explain your story in more depth; what does your anomaly do, what does the Foundation do, how does your story end, what am I as the reader supposed to be feeling when I read your article?
I hope that helps. Please feel free to reply here if you have answers to my questions and/or more to say.
[Noting I didn't save logs from before this because I'm dumb, this conversation lasted over an hour]
<emb3R> the children had fun with the stuffed snowman, but complained to the witch that the snow was always melting. they wanted everlasting snow
<emb3R> so, the witch tried to fix it, but failed, and instead cast an eternal winter on top of her house
<emb3R> thinking that it was a success, the children grabbed the snowman and hurried home
<TawnyOwlJones> okay. what happens next? what are the repercussions of that?
<emb3R> The parents saw what the snowman was doing to everything inorganic. They threw the snowman away, only to have their trash can turn into snow
<TawnyOwlJones> stuffed snowman as in like a toy?
<emb3R> so, they asked the children where they got the snowman from, and they talked about the witch
<emb3R> yes, stuffed snowman
<emb3R> the toy
<TawnyOwlJones> okay
<TawnyOwlJones> so what do they say about the witch? and are they talking to their parents? remember that the Foundation have to factor into this
<emb3R> parents didn't believe
<emb3R> as usual
<emb3R> and uh thats all i have for now
<emb3R> im thinking about how to put the foundation into this
<TawnyOwlJones> can you answer my questions please?
<emb3R> the parents didn't believe the children, saying it was just a "made-up story". But then one of the children said "if a witch is not real, how come the snowman turning everything to snow is real?"
<emb3R> The the parents visited the witch
<emb3R> then*
<emb3R> seeing how the witch's house had snow falling on it, but everything else was sunny, they immediately knew that the children were telling the truth
<emb3R> so they entered the house, which was for some reason, unlocked
<emb3R> as soon as the witch saw the snowman, she grabbed it, stuffed it in a plastic bag full of grass, and made it vanish
<emb3R> and it appeared on mt kilimanjaro
<emb3R> then the foundation found it
<TawnyOwlJones> okay, you've got a backstory! congrats
<TawnyOwlJones> what happens once the foundation have it?
<TawnyOwlJones> "Describe the story beats or overarching context/"big picture" for your piece" is the summary for what you need to say in your central narrative. You need to give a brief description of what your anomaly does, but mostly you need to focus on how the story progresses. How does the Foundation come into this? How does your story end? To quote
<TawnyOwlJones> cybersqyd: knowing what the SCP does is fine but you also have to consider the Foundation here; what the Foundation does and like, how they interact with the SCP is generally more important than what the SCP can do
<emb3R> the foundation visits the witch cuz the location was written in the back
<emb3R> and they find the house of eternal winter
<emb3R> they break down the door only to find the house empty
<emb3R> they look in the rooms and find a skeleton, presumably the witch
<TawnyOwlJones> stop.
<TawnyOwlJones> you're detracting from the narrative.
<emb3R> how?
<TawnyOwlJones> ignore the witch, the witch doesn't matter once you've got the backstory because the foundation have custody of the snowman and it's the snowman that's the anomaly
<emb3R> ok
<TawnyOwlJones> what do the foundation do with the snowman, how do they react to it?
<emb3R> they run tests first
<emb3R> to see what the snowman can turn into snow
<emb3R> metals, plastic, and any inorganic material turns into snow
<emb3R> however, organic material such as grass and animals don't react to it at all
<TawnyOwlJones> okay, and how are you going to make those tests interesting?
<emb3R> hmmm
<emb3R> i dont know
<TawnyOwlJones> how are the results of the tests going to give the reader information they haven't considered before
<emb3R> i dont know
<TawnyOwlJones> presumably you will describe your backstory through one or multiple logs, so you've already got something
<TawnyOwlJones> you need to show a present narrative to tie up the ending
<emb3R> maybe i can add something
<emb3R> inroganic material turns into snow, and organic material doesn't, but there is exception
<emb3R> those who love summer and spring over fall and winter will immediately get frostbite after touching the snowman
<emb3R> all over their hand
<TawnyOwlJones> stop.
<TawnyOwlJones> don't add more anomalous abilities
<emb3R> ok
<TawnyOwlJones> it massively complicates things
<TawnyOwlJones> remember, you can't let your characters overshadow your narrative
<emb3R> i don't know how to make the tests interesting
<TawnyOwlJones> like, um, one of my favourite skips, the anomaly is just a long-ass fish but it barely features at all because the narrative is about a research team that creates a fish cult because they get really bored. (SCP-5320)
<TawnyOwlJones> granted, most stories aren't like that and you generally shouldn't go for comedy first time, but the point still stands
<TawnyOwlJones> okay, let's try something else
<TawnyOwlJones> how else could the story end?
<TawnyOwlJones> without doing tests to show the anomaly's abilities
<TawnyOwlJones> the snowman is in the foundation's custody, what now?
<emb3R> maybe there can be several incidents
<TawnyOwlJones> this is a safe-class object, yes?
<emb3R> i mean, i can just say that the foundation threw it inside a cell and its over
<emb3R> yeah, its safe
<TawnyOwlJones> hmm you could
<TawnyOwlJones> that might be an unsatisfying ending though
<TawnyOwlJones> that being said, if you want to write up your backstory into your ideas forum thread (using the template) then you've got the start of a narrative and somebody else can pick it up from there
<emb3R> yeah
<TawnyOwlJones> i'd be happy to take a look at it once you've collected your ideas
<emb3R> so we have the witch backstory, which is cool i guess
<emb3R> i just dont know how to make it interesting after they discovered the snowman
<TawnyOwlJones> i don't know either
<emb3R> cuz its safe class, so you can just say "oh they ran some tests and then threw it in a cell"
<TawnyOwlJones> write up the forum thread now, and note down anything that comes to you about the snowman
<emb3R> ok
<TawnyOwlJones> if you think about the scp article format, you can just say "SCP-XXXX is contained in a standard item locker at Site-Whatever", you don't need to make a huge point of it
<emb3R> should I specify what the witch is
<TawnyOwlJones> which means you can't really use it as your ending
<TawnyOwlJones> rephrase the part about the witch please?
<emb3R> it might be confusing if i just said "yeah its witch"
<TawnyOwlJones> im confused
<emb3R> like, people would probably ask about how the witch got her powers and all that
<TawnyOwlJones> the witch is a character here
<emb3R> yes]
<TawnyOwlJones> they don't care about the witch, the witch is not your anomaly
<emb3R> but im afraid if I include the witch, people would be more focused on the witch than the snowman
<emb3R> plus, how would the foundation know about the witch anyways
<TawnyOwlJones> the foundation can discover the existence of the witch by conducting interviews with, for example, the kids' parents
<emb3R> oh yeah
<emb3R> ok
<emb3R> so interviews are how they know
<TawnyOwlJones> you need to include the witch in your backstory as it is now, but you need to not let the characters overshadow the narrative
<TawnyOwlJones> yeah, or other kinds of logs
<TawnyOwlJones> or artifacts, like letters
<emb3R> ok
Hi!
(Noting that the majority of my crit for this concept was in IRC PMs)
You've explained the backstory fairly well (with the exception of some inconsistencies between your elevator pitch and your central narrative), but you still don't have a narrative here.
How were the Foundation alerted of the anomaly's existence? What do they do with the anomaly once they've contained it? Remember that how the Foundation interact with anomalies is more important than what your anomaly does and, arguably, what happens to it before the Foundation find it.
You say in your Hook about the interactions between your anomaly and other objects; what are those interactions, and what do they tell us about the anomaly that we don't already know?
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi!
You have an interesting premise here, but it's not original nor do you have a narrative. Without an original idea to fall back on, you risk your story failing should your narrative not be strong enough.
The thing is, banshees, as you have described them, exist in folklore and religion. It's fine to use ideas from folklore but you still need to build a story. What you have at the moment is the equivalent of saying "demons exist" and not expanding on your story. Showing how the Foundation interact with your anomaly is more important than describing what your anomaly does.
Who are your characters? Who interacts with the banshee? How do the Foundation interact with the banshee? What are the major plot points in your story, and how does it end?
(Also remember you have 400 words to write your idea. You have used 78 words, and only 30 in your central narrative. SCP articles are short stories and you need characters and a narrative to make a story.)
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or tag me in #thecritters if you have answers to my questions or more to say.
Why is the old man exempt from dying? And why does the banshee agree to spend time with him? By making the old man anomalous as well, you risk creating characters which overshadow your narrative, while also detracting from the banshee as your anomalous object.
Banshee in folklore herald death; they don't kill the people, they predict it. Why is this banshee different? Killing everybody in the vicinity seems a little rash too.
Why is the old man talking to D-Class personnel? Both in the sense that interviews are typically conducted by researchers, and in the sense that if the banshee kills everyone within a 1km radius every time somebody approaches it, how did the Foundation take custody of the old man?
If you want to take your story in this direction (i.e. showing the relationship between the old man and the banshee), I would suggest writing a Tale format, rather than an SCP article, because the anomaly and the Foundation are not the sole focus of your story.
Regardless of the format, the Foundation still need to feature and you still need to show how they react to the anomaly. "Scary monster kills Foundation people" is not a fantastic plotline.
How does your story end? It feels very anti-climatic at the moment, because it doesn't feature anything that happens after the Foundation takes custody of the old man. Do they take custody of the anomaly? That's what they should be trying to do, because your anomaly is the focus here. Remember that the Foundation are writing the articles in-universe, and they are writing a document about the anomaly.
Hi!
(Just a note that if this is your first article on the site you should be seeking greenlights. Even if you feel you don't need them, having them will help you later on. Having greenlights does not mean you have to write the article.)
Humanising your anomaly is an interesting (/pos) angle to approach an SCP article because the Foundation typically dehumanise their anomalies.
Currently, you have an extremely hostile presumably-Keter murder monster that becomes more human. I want to know how it becomes more human. What is the reason for it gaining emotions and what happens in your story that makes it suddenly start feeling things?
I want to know about your anomaly's emotions too. How does it feel knowing that it killed people?
The main problem with this is that you're lacking a narrative. SCP articles are short stories disguised as scientific reports, not just descriptions of anomalies. Who are your characters and how do they interact with the SCP? What's the conflict here? What are the main plot points in your story and how does your story end?
Remember that the Foundation are writing the article in-universe, and that ultimately it's about them. What the Foundation does and how they interact with the anomaly is generally more important than what the anomaly does.
In regards to your additional notes section, your article will probably be set out using a standard article format, unless you choose to write it in a different way (i.e. using a format screw, which is generally not recommended for new writers). The hook will come to you when you think more about your narrative. Think about why you want to write this article and what makes it interesting to you.
(Also remember you have 400 words to write your idea. You have used 158 words, and only 46 words in your central narrative. SCP articles are short stories and you need characters and a narrative to make a story.)
I hope that helps! Please feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi!
You've got a lot going on here.
Trying to write a skip with multiple, separate anomalies is generally not a good idea, especially for first-time authors. Your anomaly is a location, basically, so of course it can contain other anomalous beings, but those anomalies being "Keter-class murder monster" and "reality bender" just comes across as you wanting to write those anomalies rather than the spacial anomaly inside the painting. You also haven't really explained how they feature in your story, beyond the things they do. How do they interact with your characters?
Using compulsion (i.e. having your anomaly force characters to touch it, rather than them doing it of their own free will) is a cliche and generally hinders your narrative. "Thing that makes you crazy and suicidal" is, once again, a cliche. If you can explain how it is relevant to your narrative, then by all means keep it in, but at the moment it just serves to add surplus information.
How did the people become trapped inside the anomaly? You could write this as a one-time thing, or as something your anomaly does (i.e. touch the anomaly, get trapped).
I think it would be better to show the story, at least partially, from the perspective of the people trapped inside the anomaly. You could do this by writing in a Tale format and switching between the two perspectives (of the people trapped inside the anomaly, and of Dr Peterej and O5-1), or in an SCP format with letters or other forms of communication from the trapped people.
on the order of the Overseer council the SCP is destroyed during a containment breach
I don't think the O5 would order a containment breach? And the Foundation don't destroy anomalies except in very specific circumstances. If the Foundation do destroy the painting, what happens to the world and the people inside it? How does Dr Peterej feel about this?
Teal deer: I want to know more about your characters and how they interact with the anomaly. You have a faint narrative here that is definitely workable, but you focus too much on cliche things your anomaly does to people and not enough on the narrative and its progression.
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi! Sorry for the wait.
I'm really torn here. On one hand, you've clearly put a lot of thought into the specifics of your narrative, and it's fairly fleshed out; I am interested in this story. On the other hand it plays into a lot of cliches and elements that are very hard to write, especially when adhering to the standards of the mainsite.
The potential issues:
Humanoid SCP: Not inherently bad, just hard to write, especially for first-time authors.
The containment procedures are essentially "give it what it wants". Employing the anomaly isn't really a thing that would happen (remember that the Foundation is a prison). In the cases where the Foundation uses anomalies for things, they are using them, not employing them.
"X-Man syndrome": Your anomaly is risking becoming an OC, rather than an SCP. If you focus too much on your anomaly's emotions along with their abilities, you risk making them into a comic book superhero, and that's not what they are.
I don't really understand the bit about the promise, and you should elaborate on that as part of your central narrative section in this thread.
(This is mostly a personal one): When writing about mental illness or other sensitive topics, please make sure you treat it accurately and with respect.
Neutral things
If your anomaly is nonverbal, you need to look into AAC. Using some form of AAC (whether it's sign language or an AAC app or something less "technical" like using body language) would allow your anomaly to communicate with its team, and with the Foundation as a whole.
The good things!
Narrative progression looks good, you've got an anomaly, you've got the Foundation, you've got your story set up, you've got a clear conflict. I'm slightly worried about the conclusion, because it currently ends on a cliffhanger, but if you explain what "the promise" is and how it fits into your story then it shouldn't be an issue.
I think this would be more interesting as a Tale, as opposed to an SCP article, purely because it's shown from your anomaly's perspective rather than the Foundation's.
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say.
Hi!
I wasn't sure about the employing anomalies thing so I asked in #thecritters and apparently it is allowed, but you have to be careful with it because 1) a lot of people don't like it and 2) it can come off as being self-insert-y. A lot of the "older" researchers (think Bright, Clef, Kain Pathos-Crow) are anomalous but they were researchers first and anomalies second afaik. Teal deer: as long as you write it well and it furthers your narrative rather than just happening for the sake of it, it's fine.
Referring back to that and also to the X-Man syndrome question, remember to treat your anomaly like an object. Unless you decide to change your central narrative, the Foundation are only letting it out of containment to exploit its anomalous ability. That doesn't inherently mean they treat it badly, but it's probably not as important as it thinks it is.
In regards to the teleportation, I don't know. I think the "breaking the line of sight" thing is important, because it signifies your anomaly physically and metaphorically running away from its problems. However, I think you may run into an issue where you over-complicate your anomaly by making the teleportation feature more than it should.
If you are going to (or think you might) include the backstory in the draft, I want to see what you have on it so far. Other than maybe brief (but followed-through) references to her promise, the backstory should generally not feature majorly, lest it ends up overshadowing the rest of the narrative. If we're left questioning what the promise is, it's not going to be a super-satisfying ending.
In regards to the AAC and PTSD stuff, you seem to have it down. As long as you research and are respectful and accurate in your representation of disabled people, it's fine to write about them.
While I do agree that this would be interesting as an SCP article, Tales give you more scope to show your anomaly's reactions to things. However, it is definitely possible to write one person's emotions from the perspective of another. I don't think there's any issues with you writing this as an article, it just depends on what works for you and your reviewers at the time of writing.
In terms of cliches, I don't think there are that many here. Other than the things we've already talked about, your idea is pretty solid and your narrative seems fairly mapped-out.
Please do let me know if you want more critique from me; I'm very excited to see what you do with this. Good luck!
Hi!
The issue here is that you don't have a narrative. You have an anomalous object, which is a start, but SCP articles are short stories and without a narrative you have no story.
The most important thing when it comes to building a narrative is thinking about how the Foundation interact with your anomaly. Why do they want it? If they're going to use it for something, what are they using it for, why, and how are you going to 1) show them using the object and 2) make it interesting?
Think about what the major plot points could be and then connect them up. Especially your conclusion; how is your story going to end?
Test and experiment logs usually just serve as continued descriptions of the object, so you need to make sure they're aiding your narrative.
If you're including Gamers Against Weed, I suggest reading their GoI Hub page if you haven't already, as well as some skips that include them to see how they interact with the Foundation (and how the Foundation interacts with them).
I hope that helps. Feel free to reply here or send me a tell in #thecritters if you have more to say. Good luck!
19:28 <TawnyOwlJones> vscoober: You don't have a narrative in your idea. SCP articles are stories, and you need a narrative. You also haven't gone into much detail about how your characters interact with your anomaly, and the Foundation don't feature at all. I'm interested in hearing about the Potential New GoI though.
19:28 <vscoober> well, the GOI would be the Children of Manson
19:29 <vscoober> and the general narrative would be the interaction between the music from The Beatles and Charles Manson's interpretation and usage of them
19:29 <TawnyOwlJones> Okay, so tell me about them. What do they do in relation to your anomaly?
19:30 <vscoober> essentially, Charles Manson declares himself a god on the basis that he can control others through simply playing the guitar, but only when he plays The Beatles
19:30 <vscoober> like Helter Skelter, or Strawberry Fields Forever
19:31 <TawnyOwlJones> okay. and the songs themselves are memetic?
19:31 <vscoober> yes
19:31 <TawnyOwlJones> okay, and what's the point?
19:31 <vscoober> to explain the power behind Charles Manson's group and their actions
19:32 <vscoober> cause their group was tightly knit and almost no one gave up any information during the investigations
19:32 <TawnyOwlJones> (excuse me for not knowing anything about Charles Manson; i'm going to google some things)
19:32 <vscoober> every member claimed that "Charlie would know if they talked" and i want to suppose an idea as to why
19:33 <vscoober> it's cool, i'm a fanatic for true crimes so it's gonna be a lil overwhelming
19:33 <TawnyOwlJones> okay cool i know who we're talking about now
19:34 <vscoober> yes, funny 5'8 man who killed people
19:34 <vscoober> or i think he was shorter, maybe 5'4
19:36 <TawnyOwlJones> the memetic songs in themselves are a cool idea in theory, though you still need to explain where you plan to take this as a story, but i think you might be going too far with blaming music for the murders of multiple, very-real people. it just seems insensitive.
19:38 <vscoober> true
19:38 <vscoober> the intention was to blame the music for the control, not the actions
19:38 <vscoober> i'm still very much blaming Charles Manson for orchestrating
19:42 <TawnyOwlJones> vscoober: i understand that. cults are still very real too though, and cult leaders (with a very small number of potential exceptions) should be blamed for them. teal deer: the idea was cool until you started memeing it ("funny short man who kills people"). True crime is interesting, but you shouldn't be idolising serial killers or making jokes
19:42 <TawnyOwlJones> about their murders. feel free to talk to another critter; i thank you for your time but i'm not interested in taking this idea any further.
19:42 <vscoober> understandable, thank you for your time
19:43 <TawnyOwlJones> vscoober: of course :)
Petdoc2021: so, it's a lighthouse that (unknowingly?) consumes the world because it's interested in studying things? What perspective are you going to show the story from?
19:55 <Petdoc2021> From the researchers and D personnel perspective
19:56 <TawnyOwlJones> okay. how are your characters interacting with the lighthouse?
19:58 <Petdoc2021> the researchers would try to study it by approaching it (this will fail). Later D class would be exclusively used to collect samples and take video of the aftereffects of the entities visit.
20:00 <TawnyOwlJones> what's your conflict?
20:03 <Petdoc2021> Ok so with the first interaction the lighthouse is the scp foundation trying to study it. They go through the motions of evacuating the area and setting up sites, what have you. This interferes with the entities research. For the first occurrence the SCP leaves and goes dormant for a while. The next time it returns it takes the researchers. This
20:03 <Petdoc2021> causes the SCP to become interested in the SCP Foundation and seek them out.
20:04 <Petdoc2021> Whoops XD
20:05 <TawnyOwlJones> and the lighthouse is sentient? and sapient, presumably. how does it feel about the Foundation interfering with its study, and how does it communicate that?
20:09 <Petdoc2021> I was torn between deciding if it is actually upset or not. It could be it found something it felt was interesting but now something else has come along that is even better. Like i was looking for gold but found diamonds. Where did this come from is there more?
20:10 <Petdoc2021> I should probably be using commas.
20:11 <TawnyOwlJones> Petdoc2021: can you rephrase what you said before?
20:14 <Petdoc2021> Basically, I would say the SCP is know intrigued with the foundation so now it seeks them out.
20:14 <Petdoc2021> Damn still no comma.
20:14 <TawnyOwlJones> and how does it know about the Foundation's existence?
20:15 <TawnyOwlJones> don't worry about the commas, this is the crit chat, punctuation doesn't exist, it says, using four commas in a sentence
20:16 <Petdoc2021> Ah! By studying the researchers. The researchers know of a sites location so the entity would visit and "study" the site.
20:18 <TawnyOwlJones> Petdoc2021: nice, now we're getting somewhere. you said your story was written from the perspectives of the Foundation researchers. How do they respond to the lighthouse studying them?
20:22 <Petdoc2021> At first they would send out mobile task force to the entity (This fails.) Then they try to evacuate the site but quickly find they can not leave. Things within the facility begin to warp, time is sped up or slowed down, things decay or are rejuvenated.
20:31 <TawnyOwlJones> Petdoc2021: but what are the implications of the foundation's actions? the facility existing in a messed-up time bubble is your conflict but what's your conclusion?
20:37 <Petdoc2021> TawnyOwlJones That by interfering with something they don't understand has caused an entity to target them. If they had left it alone it would have been more than happy to continue studying and collecting mundane things. It's the arrogance of thinking they can control anything which may leave to their down fall.
"Containment of SCP-XXXX focuses on the suppression of information of the entity instead of physical containment." This sentence is mostly fine but I feel like "information of the entity" doesn't fit? "Knowledge of the existence of the entity" is longer and may sacrifice the clinical tone but also may convey your meaning better.
"Individuals reported as missing" —-> "Individuals reported missing"
Although there is no canon and you can do whatever you want, I recommend reading the amnestics guides. Three days is not a particularly long time to be missing memories, especially given the traumatic circumstances, and I personally believe the Foundation would probably not bother providing a witness with false memories for such a short period of time.
Why are "good relations" required between the Foundation and SCP-XXXX?
Add a footnote containing the definition of "ontokinesis". I know it means "reality bending" but if this is the first article a person reads it's likely they'll have to google it which might make them less interested in reading the rest of the article.
What makes SCP-XXXX "on par with a Class-II reality bender" instead of BEING a Class-II reality bender?
What does "SAFE" stand for?
I take personal issue with 3-10 days being a "prolonged" period of time but honestly the word choice is fine and I can't think of a better alternative.
Why does SCP-XXXX feel the need to help people? What's its motive? What does it gain?
The Jacob Fisher Journal is good so far, obviously needs more entries but I know it isn't finished. My only issue is that Jacob Fisher is also your research head; you either need to justify that/explain it in the story or change his name.
Overall, I like this story. It's got a clear narrative, and fleshed-out characters. Writing it as an Archon entity is interesting, I'd like to hear more about why it shouldn't be contained. Presumably it's not only one entity, and therefore the Foundation could contain one instance of it and leave the rest.
Alternatively, if it is only one entity, how does it travel so far? How does it choose who to save?
22:31 <Top> "Why are "good relations" required between the Foundation and SCP-XXXX?" The idea is that, if the Foundation is on good terms with the entity, it'd be more likely for it to save MIA Foundation employees
22:31 <Top> "What makes SCP-XXXX "on par with a Class-II reality bender" instead of BEING a Class-II reality bender?" I realized I kinda didn't have a reason for wording it like this, so I just changed it to make SCP-XXXX a Class-II
22:32 <Top> "What does "SAFE" stand for?" It honestly doesn't mean anything, I just liked how it looked like that
22:33 <Top> "Why does SCP-XXXX feel the need to help people? What's its motive? What does it gain?" I'd like to imagine that SCP-XXXX is doing this out of the goodness of its heart. It's not gaining anything out of this
22:33 <Top> I did, however, have an idea for another reason why its doing this, but I'm not sure if I wanna implement or not
22:35 <Top> "My only issue is that Jacob Fisher is also your research head; you either need to justify that/explain it in the story or change his name." The idea for this is to subtly imply that, after the Foundation got his journal and he graduated, they hired him and brought him on as Research Head for SCP-XXXX
22:36 <Top> "Writing it as an Archon entity is interesting, I'd like to hear more about why it shouldn't be contained." Honestly, I'm seeing this as the Foundation not wanting to contain but because it's beneficial to humanity, and it'd do more harm to physically contain it than to let it roam free.
22:37 <Top> I know there's articles out there where the Foundation contains anomalies regardless of whether not it helps people, but I want this to be nice, wholesome little article
22:40 <Top> "Alternatively, if it is only one entity, how does it travel so far? How does it choose who to save?" If anything, it probably uses teleportation. I also thought about apportion, cause that'd leave EVE wherever it goes, making the job easier for the Foundation, but I'm not sure
22:40 <Top> I think that's all the questions you had, but I might've missed some
22:45 <TawnyOwlJones> hi! sorry for the delay, im in about five different conversations atm
22:46 <Top> no, thats alright! im open all day, so feel free to just respond whenever you can!
22:50 <TawnyOwlJones> 1+2+3) fine, those are fair justifications
22:50 <TawnyOwlJones> 4) interesting. I feel you need to specify this, at least through some sort of speculation. feel free to tell me about the idea
22:50 <TawnyOwlJones> 5) I think you need a timeline. if you're using the research head's diary entries in his own article, you need to explain that, or at least note the current date vs the date the articles were written.
22:50 <TawnyOwlJones> 6) fair. i do love a wholesome article
22:50 <TawnyOwlJones> 7) first half is reasonable, and it's up to you to decide how it moves around. i still want to know how it chooses who to save. what are the criteria?
23:05 <Top> oh, i forgot to answer the last half of the last question. my bad! honestly, i could see it preferring to save younger people over older ones. insert something about younger people having more potential
"Specialized Containment Procedures" —-> Special Containment Procedures
Get rid of the fragment sentences, e.g. "(Classified as SCP-XXXX-1)" can be written as "If any rooms or structures not consistent with a building's original plans are found, they are to be classified as SCP-XXXX-1 and appropriate research is to be conducted within the structure"
Basic SPaG stuff is an issue throughout, really. Correct your spelling and punctuation, reword some of the sentences, and correct the clinical tone where it's lacking, e.g. "even a live human".
"Approximately 864 kilometres". That's quite specific for an approximate value.
"Trinity" should be capitalised.
"American Alamogordo Desert" —-> "Jornada del Muerto", presuming you are reporting from now rather than then, unless you can justify it.
Clinical tone is lacking in places in your description but not badly; clean it up.
Narrative-wise, you don't really have characters or a narrative here but I'm presuming by your reference to Addendum-XXXX.1 (and subsequent lack of said addendum) that your draft isn't finished yet.
From reading through your concept thread, I don't see any of the narrative from your idea copied into your draft. You had plans for a discovery log and diary entries that, while they likely wouldn't fully create a coherent narrative on the first draft, would further your narrative and the connection to your characters far more than just using description as you currently have in your sandbox.
You weren't online when I finished this so here it is. I liked your Tale overall. I really genuinely enjoyed reading it, it progresses well, the narrative isn't disjointed, the characters are well-developed. I hope it does really well when you post it because both you and it deserve it. The crit i've typed out is really just SPaG errors, and not many of them.
lack of consistency with oxford commas. use them or don't, but be consistent with them.
already pale —-> already-pale?
wide imposing form —-> wide, imposing form
car peals out —-> car peels out (i think; i googled)
underneath it, there's another scene —-> underneath it there's another scene
cul-de-sac in the corner —-> cul-de-sac on the corner??
canopy of darkness with —-> canopy of darkness, with
but here, I'm a God —-> but here I'm a God
I'm standing in front you —-> I'm standing in front of you
and with you grabbing onto me —-> and you grabbing onto me
the room whose sight —-> the sight of which
sinks like the titanic —-> sinks like the Titanic
need transfusion —-> needs transfusion?
his cheeks, they're like —-> his cheeks they're like
I look fucking ugly as a baby —-> I was fucking ugly as a baby OR I looked fucking ugly as a baby
Not even a, "Mr Stark" —-> Not even a "Mr Stark"
You probably shouldn't have unspecified ConProcs. If you're going to specify later on in the article, you need to put the number in the ConProcs and say something like "as was established through testing".
Also, why is no human allowed near your anomaly? You need to either explain that, or delete the sentence.
"Subject to modernisation" doesn't mean anything to me. I understand what it means from reading the rest of the article, but you need to explain what it means in your description.
"Special Containment Procedures involving the Imprisonment of Sandra Packwood are disallowed until this evidence is provided". Is she not in prison in your ConProcs? I'm confused.
"And what if you are wrong and there is an anomaly present" —-> "And what if you are wrong and there is an anomaly present?"
General SPaG errors throughout your observation log.
Do smartboards not rely on overhead projectors?
Your footnote link doesn't work. I don't know if that's intentional.
What's the point of the magnet?
Actually, what's the point of any of your observation log? I get that it displays what your anomaly does, but it's also really the only time your anomaly is mentioned, which makes your narrative incredibly disjointed. Your anomaly barely factors into your story at all.
I suggest looking at this from a different angle, since the ethical argument that happening in the phone calls is interesting. I want to know why the Foundation have a department that isn't the Ethics Committee, yet seems to be deciding which anomalies shouldn't be contained.
Overall I like the idea, but the characters (especially your anomaly) needs more development and your narrative needs work. I recommend redrafting, and I'm happy to take another look then.
21:25 <TawnyOwlJones> happy to have a conversation about any of these points
21:28 <Ethagon> First of, thanks for the crit!
21:28 <TawnyOwlJones> absolutely no problem :)
21:29 <Ethagon> The point about the unspecified ConProcs and Description was supposed to be that there are just not sure at that point how the anomaly actually functions
21:29 <TawnyOwlJones> one second, let me grab your draft again
21:32 <TawnyOwlJones> okay, so i think your acs bar serves that purpose. the conprocs and description just really look… unfinished? and theyre not connected to the rest of the story because you never clarify that theyre unfinished in-universe. if that makes sense?
21:34 <Ethagon> Do you think another sentence in the description would be enough for that?
21:35 <TawnyOwlJones> i don't know, i think it would depend on the sentence
21:36 <TawnyOwlJones> i also think you need to justify why "no human is to come closer to the Containment Chamber of SCP-XXXX than its influence radius" and explain about modernisation in your description
21:38 <Ethagon> Something along the lines of "What exactly this entails has yet to be established through testing after SCP-XXXX is contained"
21:38 <TawnyOwlJones> hmm
21:38 <TawnyOwlJones> maybe
21:39 <Ethagon> The human thing is just that they don't want people to be anomalously be influenced. I think I'll just delete that part
21:39 <TawnyOwlJones> i think your description should account for the whole article rather than leaving people to find out your containment procedures further down the article
21:40 <TawnyOwlJones> yeah, that's fine. as i said before, either mention it in the logs or delete it entirely
21:43 <Ethagon> I'll think about something a bit less broad then "modernization", but to be honest I want the gist of it revealed in the observation log
21:44 <TawnyOwlJones> yeah, that's fair
21:45 <Ethagon> And what if you are wrong and there is an anomaly present, what was the mistake here?
21:45 <TawnyOwlJones> oh, put a question mark on the end, it's a question
21:45 <Ethagon> Aaah
21:47 <Ethagon> Is there a different name specifically old overhead projectors, that can only project transparent foils? That's what is being replaced by a smartboard
21:47 <Ethagon> *specifically for
21:47 <TawnyOwlJones> oh, i dont know
21:47 <TawnyOwlJones> one second
21:48 <TawnyOwlJones> i know what you mean, but i dont know what to replace it with
21:48 <TawnyOwlJones> i suggest just describing it?
21:49 <Ethagon> okay
21:52 <Ethagon> So the point of the observation log was to, a bit in parallel to the phone calls, showcase changes. most of these are positive, but then you come to more negative ones like only having online lectures, ambulance only being eletrical or the magnet in the hand as a bit of an extrem
21:52 <TawnyOwlJones> okay
21:53 <TawnyOwlJones> it works in parallel to the phone calls; it's kind of disconnected, but it works i guess
21:53 <TawnyOwlJones> why does it matter whether they're positive or negative effects? what influences that?
21:57 <Ethagon> Hmm I think positive and negative are the wrong terms. More going too far with modernization like Roberts thinks Weld does
21:59 <TawnyOwlJones> like Roberts thinks Weld does what? goes too far?
21:59 <TawnyOwlJones> although, that's fair
21:59 <Ethagon> yeah
21:59 <TawnyOwlJones> why the magnet though? why/how/etc i.e. what is the point of the magnet
22:01 <Ethagon> I wanted something really extreme. Maybe an implanted key card would be better?
22:04 <TawnyOwlJones> key card would be cool. i still don't understand why she would do it though?
22:08 <Ethagon> The pacemaker is influencing her decisions. Instead of caring a key card (or a regular key) around you can have one implanted
22:09 <TawnyOwlJones> OH
22:09 <TawnyOwlJones> so the ACS bar at the bottom of the page was part of your draft? i presumed it was a different anomaly
22:09 <TawnyOwlJones> one second
22:10 <TawnyOwlJones> well that makes a bit more sense
22:10 <TawnyOwlJones> okay
22:19 <Ethagon> By the way, the footnote is working for me. I don't know what is up with that
22:20 <TawnyOwlJones> i reloaded the page and it's fine now. idk what happened
22:21 <TawnyOwlJones> do you have any more question?
22:21 <TawnyOwlJones> *questions?
22:25 <Ethagon> EXaRD's (the department Weld is directing) actual job is everything relating too Explained anomalies, but specifically for human anomalies they got permission form the ethics committee to check whether they're anomalous before containment. Should I make this more clear?
22:26 <TawnyOwlJones> yes, you should make it clear that they work with human anomalies in conjunction with the ethics committee
22:28 <Ethagon> Will do. Did anything bother you in the reclassification or the email?
22:28 <TawnyOwlJones> i dont think so? let me reread
22:37 <TawnyOwlJones> sorry for the delay, im doing a lot of things at once
22:38 <Ethagon> No worries
22:38 <TawnyOwlJones> i dont see a reclassification or an email in your current draft?
22:38 <Ethagon> I just meant the second ACS and the collapsible under it
22:39 <TawnyOwlJones> oh i didnt see the scipnet
22:39 <TawnyOwlJones> one second
22:40 <TawnyOwlJones> isnt her name sandra packwood? you wrote sarah in the second acs
22:40 <Ethagon> ups
22:40 <Ethagon> yeah, it's sandra
22:40 <TawnyOwlJones> im thinking about the risk class, idk if warning fits, but if you personally feel it fits better then go for it
22:41 <TawnyOwlJones> the email looks good :)
22:42 <Ethagon> you think the second level risk class (don't know the name) would be better?
22:42 <TawnyOwlJones> caution?
22:42 <Ethagon> yeah
22:42 <TawnyOwlJones> im not sure, i recommend reading the list of acs classes and seeing which one you think fits the best
22:43 <Ethagon> Alright, thank you again for having a look
22:43 <TawnyOwlJones> no problem!
The titles of your draft and your post in the drafts critique forum are different.
Your ACS is a little weird; you have a source link and an item number that you shouldn't have above it. In the same vein, were you intending on using an image? Either add the image or delete the image code block. Also if you could give me a brief explanation of why you chose those classes for your ACS that would be wonderful.
I have immediate questions. Is SCP-XXXX-1 anomalous? I think, just from scanning, that SCP-XXXX-1 is actually your anomaly, because he's creating the newspapers, which makes him SCP-XXXX and them SCP-XXXX-1 instances. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
There is no canon obviously, but, according to this amnestics guide (which is technically an essay I think), Class-A amnestics deconsolidate memories at random within the past 5-6 hours of a subject's memory; Class-B amnestics deconsolidate memories from the most recent memories backwards. I see how memetics factor into your skip, I don't see how it has anything to do with amnestics classes, nor how anybody can hypothetically avoid memetic influence from your skip.
Why have attempts at orchestrating formal interviews proven impossible?
Level 2 researchers make up a good proportion of most Foundation Sites. Level 2 is the lowest Security Clearance a researcher can hold. There's nothing inherently wrong with allowing Level 2 researchers to carry out research on your anomaly, but you should rephrase the sentence ("no foundation personnel are to be permitted") because that's not how security clearances work. Guide here2.
The "X" in "Site X" should either be a number or a blackbox. Blackboxing guide here3.
I think it's spelt "occult", but idk.
"or on rare occasions evoking" —-> "or, on rare occasions, evoking"
"SCP-XXXX-1 is a Caucasian male appearing to be close to 14 years-old" —-> "SCP-XXXX-1 is a 14-year-old Caucasian male"
I would think the Foundation would have a way to contain entities with access to teleportation. If you can justify an uncontainable entity, you can write one, but you don't really have a justification here.
"3 to 6 cents American" —-> "3 to 6 US cents"
"often appearing oblivious to hostilities". You said before that it was capable of teleportation and that did teleport away from harm. (edit: potentially scratch that, but I would still like to know why it is oblivious to hostilities)
"in the thirty fifth" —-> "on the thirty-fifth" (presuming it's a date?)
"Oh doy". Typo or intentional? You also need punctuation.
"tell that to strangers mister" —-> "tell that to strangers, mister" (and the same for the rest where it says "mister")
Give your Pvt. a name. Also, they'd probably just be "Agent"; MTFs are paramilitaristic and they don't follow the same ranking system as, say, a national military.
Add a line break between the last line of dialogue and the end log.
I'm not a huge fan of blackboxing. Pick a random state for the location of Agent Ramirez's apartment; it's fine to blackbox the specific town or county or whatever.
I don't know much about memetics, but from what I can see I can't imagine that memetics could cause blindness. While the event makes sense in your narrative, you should still explain and/or justify this.
I don't see why Agent Ramirez would be subject to amnesticisation. He presumably already knows about a lot of anomalies, why is this one any different?
"kings" —-> "Kings"
Keter Class has nothing to do with danger level. Object Classes are about ease of containment.
"Automization" —-> "Automation" OR "Automatization"
SCP-5840-1 instances are pandas. You want something along the lines of "beverages identical to that carried by instances of SCP-5840-1"
"passerby's" to "passers-by"
Give your MTF a title (if you want). "MTF-[GREEK LETTER]-[NUMBER] ("COOL NICKNAME")" is standard but do what you want.
"carfentanyl" —-> "carfentanil" OR "fentanyl"
"13 m" —-> "13m" OR "13 metres"
"their hostile intentions" your MTF is not going to be called "hostile" by their own employers. I get your point, but you probably need a different word.
Overall, I love this. In regard to your questions on your forum post, you don't seem to have any crosslinks, the dialogue is definitely believable, and I've critted your containment procedures above. If you make major revisions to your draft, I'd love to read it again.
Hi, just a quick reply rn, I might update it later idk.
It wasn't the SCP-1234 number in the ACS that I was referencing, you have a source code block and a sentence that says "item number" in the space above your ACS, which you don't need.
Re: crosslinks. I didn't see any references to other SCPs? I might have missed something?
You don't need to expand his anomalous abilities unless you feel the need to. I think maybe elaborate a little about why he has those abilities?
oh, no, that wasn't what i meant. Amnestics works for civilians in general, i was specifically asking about Agent Ramirez; he's a Foundation Agent, and therefore is trusted with information. Do what you want, obviously, I'm just throwing ideas around.
Hello! Sorry for the delay, I've had a lot of IRL stuff to deal with. The groups I've put the crit in aren't super well-defined and they do overlap a bit because I critted it all at once and then separated once I was finished, but I tried. If you make major revisions to your draft, I'd love to see it again.
SPaG Examples/Line-by-line
1)
"sweet sugary chemicals" —-> "sweet, sugary chemicals"
"cliche" —-> "cliché"
"high horse William" —-> "high horse, William"
"The demon the venus flytrap" —-> "The demon, the venus flytrap"
"And the father the braindead fly" —-> "And the father, the braindead fly"
2)
"February, mirror dew" —-> "February mirror dew"
"chlorophyll green" feels weird, idk. I think maybe just say "leaves of oak, birch, and cherry trees"
oxford commas! use them or don't, but be consistent.
"night activated lights" —-> "night-activated lights"
"fauna" refers to animals, the word you're looking for is "flora", in reference to plants.
"passenger side window" —-> "passenger-side window"
"why did you break?" —-> "why did you brake?"
"fauna" —-> "flora" again
"trainers proving" —-> "trainers, proving"
"car Shelby" —-> "car, Shelby" (or just "car"; you don't need to say her name because we already know it)
"pylon wire connection site" I'm confused as to why this is relevant.
"like you Shelby" —-> "like you, Shelby"
"Ok" —-> "Okay"
"Julliet" —-> "Juliet"
"Like an actor playing Romeo kissing his Juliet colleague during casting" delete this
"on some reality" —-> "onto some reality"
"ocean blue flooding" —-> "ocean blue flooding"
"not freeze to death" —-> "not freeze to death?"
"like I have had droplets of alcohol running through my system" —-> "like I have alcohol in my system"
"nasal passage" —-> "nasal passages"
3)
"I have been trying" —-> "I've been trying"
"Not what romance is Shelby" —-> "Not what romance is, Shelby"
"What does that mean" —-> "What does that mean?"
"cupid's arrow" —-> "Cupid's arrow"
"big plan accidentlies" what word is this supposed to be?
"Sinking into the leather rock (i meant sofa)" then change it??
"Work, work should do it" —-> "Work; work should do it"
"identical twin brother" —-> "twin brother" (you establish in the next sentence that they're identical, and you don't need to say it twice)
"global HP, disclosed" —-> "global HP disclosed"
"I am taking" —-> "that I'm taking"
"high paid job offers" —-> "high-paid job offers"
"(high paid in the world of journalism)" delete this
"echoing painful sobs of Zack" is it Zack crying? or Shelby remembering her time with him?
5)
"basement's darkness heading" —-> "basement's darkness, heading"
"behind me and if" —-> "behind me, and if"
"mimic" —-> "mimicing"
"is she scared she will lose me?" —-> "is she scared she'll lose me?"
"Wouldn't I have to hit my head harder" —-> "Wouldn't I have to have hit my head harder"
6)
"Shelby how come?" —-> "Shelby, how come?"
"I began to drip tears" this does not make sense, please just say "cry"
"maiter" —-> "matter"
"the tears before" —-> "the tears, before"
"leg" ??? what???
"Then explain that then Zack, what is it" —-> "Then explain that then, Zack, what is it?"
"Why even ask Zack?" —-> "Why even ask, Zack?"
"verbal hallucinations" —-> "auditory hallucinations"
"rational answer Shelby" —-> "rational answer, Shelby"
"hearing things Shel" —-> "hearing things, Shel"
"I have seen today" —-> "I've seen today"
"today, I cannot and because I cannot I get stressed" —-> "today, I cannot and, because I cannot, I get stressed"
“By any chance is it because ye can’t explain what has been happening? Because I have some possible causes.” “I’ve explained the noises, the deer could possibly be Charles Bonnet Syndrome at the extreme, but your mum has it, so you never know. How’s your sight?” This should be in one paragraph because they're both Zack's lines.
"20/20 Zack" —-> "20/20, Zack"
"no Zack has the lightest" —-> "no, Zack has the lightest"
"than ye did.” Was his diagnosis" —-> "than ye did,” was his diagnosis"
"formerly trapped leg" —-> "formally-trapped leg"
"right-hand" —-> "right hand"
"releasing her error" —-> "realising her error"
“Nicola, what do you want," —-> "“Nicola, what do you want?"
"Zack asked?" —-> "Zack asked."
“Anything, my brother’s gone missing and I’m looking for any hope he is alive” —-> “Anything. My brother’s gone missing; I’m looking for any hope that he's alive."
Overall SPaG Crit
The SPaG examples are from the beginning of your draft, but there's a lot of the same issues throughout your entire draft. You have problems with changing tenses, using the wrong punctuation, and having incorrect sentence structure. I suggest using the examples I have provided in the SPaG LBL and extrapolating that into the rest of your draft.
Bad or mediocre SPaG makes drafts really hard to read, and means that people are less likely to read your work in full than if you had good SPaG. With a draft this long, SPaG is especially important.
Overall Narrative Crit
When you have two characters speaking similar but different languages to each other, you risk breaking the flow of your dialogue.
I mentioned it in IRC before, but your Scots dialogue isn't consistent. Pick the words that Zack uses in Scots, and have him use them consistently.
Your story seems to imply that Shelby knows Nicola, but that means you don't really introduce Nicola; she doesn't feel like a whole character until Shelby starts hallucinating her.
You should typically avoid collapsibles in Tales. The interview block in 11 feels out of place, and the line breaks in the interview block don't serve a purpose. The interview itself is really only reiterating what your readers already know, with the exception of the stuff about Nicola's car. I recommend rewording the important information in the interview and adding it into the main text.
The reintroduction of the prologue in 15 works incredibly well. I was going to mention something about how the prologue felt detached, almost like a WL piece rather than an SCP one, but it no longer applies.
(Written at 18) A lot of this seems to be dragging on. As much as I care about Shelby, I still don't know what your anomaly is, and there's only so much I can read about Shelby 1) not finding stuff out about Finn's disappearance and 2) hallucinating. It doesn't really serve to build suspense, and it seems a little repetitive.
"My living room" in 20: I presumed Shelby was at the cabin?
"terrified amnesia" in 21: amnesia is not the word you're looking for. you might be thinking of "insomnia"?
The message to Isla in 21 and Isla's reply in 22 would work better in formatted div boxes to separate them from the rest of the text.
25: Emma/Ellie Mcguire: pick one name
25: Maybe put the cases in a div box? It's fine as it is, but it might serve to separate it from the rest of the text and highlight them as being important parts of your narrative.
27: Referencing creepypasta might not be a good idea, but idk.
28: I still don't know what your anomaly is. I know from reading your ideas forum thread that the cabin is anomalous but in your actual draft it just seems like Shelby's hallucinating everything, or maybe at a stretch that Zack is the anomaly. Unless you changed it, you need to make it clear that it's the cabin affecting Shelby and Zack.
31: Why does Shelby kill Nicola? By accident?
I hope that helps. Please feel free to reply to this post or send me a Wikidot PM or a tell in #thecritters if you have answers or additional questions.
10:20 <Abra> Right, is the ending complete rubbish? (Also Nicola's death is meant to be an accident, foreshadowed by Shelby's jumpiness)
10:21 <TawnyOwlJones> I don't think so. I don't think the ending is written as well as it could be, but I certainly don't think it's bad
10:21 <Abra> ok
10:22 <TawnyOwlJones> that's fair enough about Nicola's death; i just didn't really understand that when i read it
10:22 <Abra> I just wasn't a fan of it. Just wanted to check if that was just me
10:22 <TawnyOwlJones> I'm presuming you rushed the ending? if not, I apologise, but I suggest focusing on the last couple of sections narrative-wise
10:22 <TawnyOwlJones> can you rephrase that?
10:23 <Abra> I did rush the ending. What do you want me to rephrase?
10:23 <TawnyOwlJones> that's okay, i think you just need to look at it more
10:24 <TawnyOwlJones> > I just wasn't a fan of it. Just wanted to check if that was just me
10:24 <TawnyOwlJones> rephrase that ^
10:24 <Abra> I didn't like how the ending turned out.
10:24 <Abra> I'm quite pessimistic, so I just wanted to see if it was just my pessimism clouding my judgement
10:26 <TawnyOwlJones> yeah, I didn't really vibe with it either, in comparison to the rest of the Tale, because I do think it needs work. I suggest applying my critique if you haven't already and then going into #thecritters and asking to brainstorm about the ending with someone (Zoobeeny is good with conclusions if they're around)
10:26 <TawnyOwlJones> i'm not in there today, because I overworked myself
10:27 <TawnyOwlJones> I don't think the ending is really bad, so if youre thinking that then that's just pessimism, but I do think it needs reworking
10:27 <Abra> ye, I think apart from sentence structure that was the main issue
10:28 <TawnyOwlJones> narrative-wise, the repetitiveness and the rushed ending were the main issues, yes
10:34 <TawnyOwlJones> you still here?
10:34 <Abra> ye
10:34 <Abra> I was copying the base I used for character planning
10:35 <Abra> could you expand on the repetitivenes
10:35 <Abra> *repetiviness
10:35 <Abra> (I cannot spell lmao)
10:35 <TawnyOwlJones> it's okay, take your time
10:37 <TawnyOwlJones> yeah, so it just felt like a lot of time was spent on Shelby hallucinating, getting absolutely nowhere in terms of Finn's disappearance, and being scared of and/or angry with Zack. In terms of narrative progression, it was at a stand-still for a lot of your draft.
10:37 <Abra> ok
10:37 <TawnyOwlJones> it's good to show your characters' emotions, but it just felt like a broken record
10:40 <Abra> right
10:41 <TawnyOwlJones> i hope that's okat
10:41 <TawnyOwlJones> *okay
10:41 <TawnyOwlJones> do you have any more questions?
10:41 <Abra> That's all chill
10:41 <Abra> Where did I go right?
10:46 <TawnyOwlJones> I liked Shelby and Zack as characters. I liked the part where Shelby finds out Zack isn't real. There were sentences where I thought "wow that's really clever", in terms of comedy, foreshadowing, or just general sentence-craft. Overall, I really enjoyed it; there weren't really many major issues except the stuff I already mentioned.
10:46 <TawnyOwlJones> sorry for the delay, my cat was walking on my keyboard
10:47 <Abra> It's all chill. I'm asking so I know what part of the skeleton I can keep in
10:47 <Abra> And where I can take the sledgehammer to
10:49 <TawnyOwlJones> Okay! Like I said before, I recommend cutting out a lot of the repetitive stuff. It's worth keeping in the parts (like with the deer and nicola's car) where it's not quite obvious at first that Shelby is hallucinating, but you don't need to keep mentioning that she's imagining everything, because we already know that
10:50 <Abra> Ok. Thank you again
(A Stoner's Paradise — renamed Better inWeedients, Better Pizza, Papa John's)
MTF Delta-20 ("Blaze it") -> MTF Delta-20 ("Blaze It")
22:10 <TawnyOwlJones> "Pizza's created within SCP-XXXX are comprised of wood, pine sap, and an unknown substance that are anatomically altered through the on-site oven." Should be "Pizzas" and ""unknown substance and are anatomically altered".
22:10 <TawnyOwlJones> "J.R. Hadid: You name, please." -> "J.R. Hadid: Your name, please."
22:10 <TawnyOwlJones> I presume "SAUCE" is a pun rather than a mispelling?
22:10 <TawnyOwlJones> that's it
22:11 <TawnyOwlJones> overall, it slapped incredibly hard. i'm presuming it's meant to be comedy. either way, it was funny, i enjoyed it, it has good characters and solid narrative progression, nice one.
I think it's clever to write that your anomaly doesn't require ConProcs, but if it's Neutralised then surely it used to have ConProcs that are now void, as opposed to having no ConProcs in the first place. [Edit after crit: I was skeptical and I still kind of am, but overall I agree you don't need ConProcs.]
I don't think "stolid" is the word you want? Unless I'm reading it wrong.
"mass psychogenic illness" - why "illness"? it feels more like a very-short-term thing, rather than an illness. I can't think of the word. You then immediately mention "the event", which feels blunt because it wasn't mentioned prior.
"The majority of the wildfire was subterranean as it had set the peat beneath the moor alight" - this sentence is hard to say. I would suggest rewording it to not include the "as".
The ending is phenomenal, holy hell I was not expecting that. I was like "where is this going" for basically the entire article because it felt a little disjointed; but damn, that's so good.
"whose combination" —-> "the combination of which"
"by the then head researcher" —-> "by the head researcher"
"O5 Council" - not the Ethics Committee?
"Exploration log 570-0" - are you planning on writing this log?
"Carbon dating traces the age of the remains to as early as the 17th Century, while the most recent dates to the 1930s." - do you mean "the age of the oldest remains"?
"app e cia e" - if this says "appreciate" it should be on one line.
I'm presuming Addendum 570-1 is unfinished?
I personally don't think you should blackbox the Foundation site or the location of the burial mound, but that's just my personal opinion.
If the letter is translated, would it not have full words? I like the effect, but surely it would be translated in full?
Overall, this is good. I like the letter at the end and how it ties into a person, rather than just having an anomalous thing that does a thing. I certainly prefer it infinitely to the current 570. It's kept the Series I vibe as well, while still having a fleshed-out narrative.
worn SCP-570 on their hand
Is it not a sock?
completely hunched backward
"hunched forward"?
I don't like the amount of blackboxing but it is a Series 1 rewrite so maybe it's okay?
I honestly liked it when it ended with the letter, but the horror stuff in the collapsibles is well written. It feels a little disconnected from the rest of the narrative, and doesn't seem to come to a satisfying conclusion. It's almost like you explained too much with the interview and the exploration log. The interview only really serves to tell us what we already know (also in-universe it can function as a "here's how we know this"); the exploration log is more interesting but you talk about a lot of things and then don't elaborate. Leaving the D-Class in the burial mound, while technically symbolic, is not a super satisfying ending for me, personally. It just seems to fall flat at the end.
(Totally Not Guns Akimbo)
"The only noise he could make were wet gargling sounds" - "The only noise he could make was wet gargling sounds" is probably the easiest correction for this sentence.
"As if skinning someone alive and tearing out their vocal cords were unnecessary" - "was unnecessary"
"Ah, who am I kidding" —-> "Ah, who am I kidding?"
""Hello, Amir," She said." —-> ""Hello, Amir," she said."
""Oy Gevalt lady, I don't"" —-> ""Oy Gevalt, lady, I don't""
""Relax man"" —-> ""Relax, man""
"rather unusually sized hole" —-> "rather unusually-sized hole"
"anchovies in a can" - is it not sardines?
""Is she dual weilding pistols?"" —-> ""Is she dual-wielding pistols?""
"too dense of Mark and Paul" —-> "too dense for Mark and Paul"
"marble floor but didn't have the tiem to question it" —-> "marble floor but didn't have the time to question it"
"crudely shaped" —-> "crudely-shaped"
"Gerald couldn't see this from the office he stole from her now could he?" —-> "Gerald couldn't see this from the office he stole from her, now could he?"
""Anartists," She thought aloud." —-> ""Anartists," she thought aloud."
"Two of the objects was stolen, and in the chaos no one bothered to clean up after themselves." —-> "Two of the objects were stolen, and, in the chaos, no one had bothered to clean up after themselves."
Overall, I love this a lot. The pacing is great, I was kind of concerned it was just going to be gore, but it wasn't and the earlier scenes add characterisation and further your narrative. 10/10 banging tale, Mars. Nice one.
"winter equipment" is vague; be specific.
"thirty two" —-> "thirty-two"
"a few snowflakes" breaks clinical tone. "snowflakes" would be a better alternative.
"does not light, consumes, or alter it" —-> "does not light, consume, or alter it"
"When closing the lit of SCP-649" —-> "When closing the lid of SCP-649"
"19/04/1987, from" —-> "19/04/1987, in"
"faint, small silhouettes" —-> "small, faint silhouettes"
Overall, I really like it. It reads significantly better than the original, without straying far from the original idea, and the narrative feels more connected and coherent.
"generally cooperative behavior" —-> "generally-cooperative behavior"
"D-1226 had a small shock" - not clinical tone. I don't know exactly how to correct it though, sorry.
"When the matches would not lit" —-> "When the match would not light"
"halucinate" —-> "hallucinate"
"murmered" —-> "murmured"
"quitely" —-> "quietly"
"threatment" —-> "treatment"
I think it would make more sense to have this experiment after the next one rather than before it.
Foundation agents posing as SCP-XXXX in place of it for needed online public statements - SCP-XXXX is the statue's head, correct? I don't understand how people can pretend to be part of a statue.
I think it's intentional that the reader doesn't know exactly what SCP-XXXX-A is until halfway through the ConProcs (which is fine), but I had to read the ConProcs several times to try to connect the lines between the statue and the music. i.e. it's confusing because they don't obviously fit together; it's like you're talking about two different skips rather than one skip and the tangible effect of that skip.
"prosopagnosia; the inability to recognize familiar faces including their own" perhaps the definition would fit better in a footnote?
"Cover depicts a set of balance scales, one weighing dish has been broken off" - semi-colon instead of comma
"Instance is three hour and 50 minutes in length" - "hours" instead of "hour"; use numbers or words for integers, but be consistent.
"which slowly becomes less distorted and distant" - less distorted and less distant? or less distorted and more distant? (this isn't me asking you to change the words, the sentence is fine, this is me not understanding the meaning of the sentence.)
"DATE PRODUCED: 2021/09/03, 08:79" - "08:79"????
"Site-65's entrance door opening chime" —-> "Site-65's entrance door's opening chime"
"Samples of yoga videos as persist" - "as persist"??? do you mean "also persist"?
Narrative-wise, this plays out really well. I predicted the ending a couple of logs before the end, but it just made me want to read it more.
"Suspect has the capacity to change their bodies via anomalous means" - "capacity" -> "ability"; "their bodies" -> "their body"
I'm not familiar with the UIU format but shouldn't "he constantly has a red nose and clown makeup on" be "he constantly wears a red nose and clown makeup"?
"as big as possible with in width or height" - "with in" —-> "within"
"Suspect has also been seen able to produce a large amount of pies from a pocket which he only says is "a pocket dimension"" - full stop/period at the end of this sentence
"potential reality warping abilities" —-> "potential reality-warping abilities"
"their actual name has been preserved in a separate document under a false name" - this isn't a SPaG or narrative issue, I'm just confused as to how their actual name can be under a false name.
"Whats more weird is that no one reacted to it" - "Whats" —-> "What's"
"skip the cue" —-> "skip the queue"
"seeing a fancy dressed man" —-> "seeing a fancy-dressed man"
"You name it, its in there" —-> "You name it, it's in there"
"so that he can crawl through ease" —-> "so that he could crawl through ease"
"prompted agent Santiago" —-> "prompted Agent Santiago"
"when the phone call reported that the Clown and Santiago was sent to investigate" - I think you're missing at least one word in this sentence, probably between "Clown" and "and".
"arrived in and offered" —-> "arrived and offered"
"there is proof of a recording" —-> "there was proof of a recording"
"Tell me agent" —-> "Tell me Agent" OR "Tell me, Agent"
"my more human clowns" —-> "my more-human clowns"
"this is the amount that is estimated to have costed" —-> "This is the amount that it is estimated to have costed"
"Honestly its why I love them so much" —-> "Honestly it's why I love them so much"
"Florida Vault, Item Lockup" —-> "Florida Vault Item Lockup"
"in-effective" —-> "ineffective"
"its just that I don't" —-> "it's just that I don't"
"agent Santiago" —-> "Agent Santiago"
Overall, I enjoyed reading this. The characters are interesting, the narrative progresses well and isn't disjointed. Couple of SPaG errors as detailed above, but nothing major.
"is to be taken down immediately" - this doesn't feel like clinical tone. I don't know a good alternative though.
"Level 3 humanoid containment cell in Site 17" - Level 3 presumably refers to Security Clearance Level 3 and should therefore be in a different sentence, e.g. "Access to SCP-XXXX requires Level-3 authorization or higher"; "in Site 17" —-> "at Site 17".
"SCP-XXXX is the designation for a male humanoid" —-> "SCP-XXXX is a male humanoid"
Measurements should be in metric; I don't think adding the imperial measurements as well is necessary.
"local law enforcement, it was detained and taken to questioning" —-> "local law enforcement; it was detained and taken to questioning" OR "local law enforcement. It was detained and taken to questioning"
"hand-cuffed" —-> "handcuffed"
"SCP-XXXX: Samuel! Get him!" - should be the police officer talking?
"called the "Foundation,"" - switch the comma and the quotation mark
"It tries to stand up but its legs buckle and SCP-XXXX sits down" —-> "It tries to stand up but its legs buckle and it sits down"
"Jacin Why did you help me?" - add a comma between "Jacin" and "Why"; also use last names rather than first names.
"Open Video File" collapsible should be "Open Video Log"
Contents of said Video Log feels surplus to requirements. The last journal entry is a satisfying ending and adding the video log at the end doesn't do anything for me.
I think you should also add line breaks between your addenda.
"We prayed to Charles on our lunch break again, The Packer told me that he was going to show me the "Flawless Technique"." —-> "We prayed to Charles on our lunch break again, and The Packer told me that he was going to show me the "Flawless Technique"." Could also use a semi-colon to link the Flawless Technique sentence to the next one about relying purely on faith.
"The SFSist have taken to praying in the freezer" —-> "The SFSists have taken to praying in the freezer"
"breathing infohazard" - "a breathing infohazard"??
"It must have had a hundred tentacles that ended in spikes, wet, sucking suction cups that clung to the floors and walls around the Cleaner." —-> "It must have had a hundred tentacles that ended in spikes, and wet, sucking suction cups that clung to the floors and walls around the Cleaner."
"several still lit candles" —-> "several still-lit candles"
Why does the cognitohazardous effect from the vest expire after nine hours? Why nine hours specifically?
References to the check and the silver ring in the Investigative Findings sections are confusing and feel disconnected from the rest of the objects. I'm presuming I'm lacking prior knowledge, and/or that I have missed something.
"Surveillance cameras begin shaking at this time." Physically shaking? Or, like, there's distortion in the image?
"Muprhy: Father?" —-> "Murphy: Father?"
Narrative-wise, this is good. Agent Murphy's gradual descent into affinity with the cult is portrayed well. It's horrifying without being immediately horrifying. I would argue the ending is also slightly predictable, but I think it's been set up like that, and if it is predictable it's definitely in a good way.
Hi! Sorry for the wait.
"Containment is constructed surrounding SCP-5XXX" - What is the containment? I'm presuming it's a fence of some description but you should specify.
"may be granted by a personnel of at least Level-3 clearance" - Personnel is plural (i.e remove the "a"); Do you mean "granted by" or "granted to"? If you mean "granted to" then you should change your ACS to reflect that.
"Gardening amenities and a supply of water are to be provided to SCP-5XXX-A on a monthly basis" —-> "Gardening amenities and a supply of water are to be provided to SCP-5XXX-A instances on a monthly basis"
"Itself and anything natural within roughly a 5 meter radius of SCP-5XXX are seemingly resistant against all forms of damage" —-> "SCP-5XXX and organic material within a 5 meter radius of SCP-5XXX are resistant against all forms of damage"
"Upon entering SCP-5XXX, a five-story roundhouse is presented, with each section measuring 8 meters in height and 20 meters in diameter" —-> "The space contained within SCP-5XXX takes the appearance of a five-story roundhouse, with each story measuring 8 meters in height and 20 metres in diameter" (consider perhaps using circumference instead of diameter)
"The floor is covered in a plastic-textured grass where plants are able to grow on it" —-> "The floor is covered in plants growing out of plastic-textured grass."
I don't understand the footnote here. Unless it's important to your narrative as a whole, I recommend removing it entirely.
"However, its anomalous properties diminish once said grass is brought outside of SCP-5XXX's affected area" —-> "The anomalous properties of the grass diminish when removed from SCP-5XXX's interior dimension"
"Attempts to discover anything past said sunlight have thus far proven unsuccessful." - Why have they proven unsuccessful?
"Organisms are grown on the fourth floor of SCP-5XXX" - plants are organisms, animals are organisms. you need to be more specific. I suggest using something like "SCP-5XXX-A and SCP-5XXX-B are present on the fourth floor of SCP-5XXX" and then explain what they are.
"SCP-5XXX-A is a group of sapient humanoid figures" —-> "SCP-5XXX-A instances are sapient humanoid figures"
"SCP-5XXX-B is a collection of small animals constructed of various types of wood" —-> "SCP-5XXX-B instances are small animals constructed form various types of wood"
"constructed of oak leaves" —-> "constructed from oak leaves"
"muscles or organs" —-> "muscles and organs"
"and ever since initial discovery, it has been overall compliant" —-> "and, since its initial discovery, has been overall compliant"
"excluding the limitations" - Delete this
"Otherwise, their physical capabilities and behavior are similar to their non-anomalous counterparts" —-> "Their physical capabilities and behavior are otherwise similar to their non-anomalous counterparts"
"SCP-5XXX was first discovered on 01/20/21" —-> "SCP-5XXX was discovered on 01/20/2021"
"footage displayed SCP-5XXX-A exiting a forest nearby Site-78 chasing after an SCP-5XXX-B instance before retrieving it and returning" —-> "footage displayed an SCP-5XXX-A instance exiting a forest near Site-78. The video showed the SCP-5XXX-A instance chasing after an SCP-5XXX-B instance before retrieving it and returning to SCP-5XXX"
"Researcher Arnold" - Use last names not first names with titles
"The specimen sets the can down" —-> "It sets the can down"
"I am here to ask you a couple of questions" —-> "I'm here to ask you a couple of questions" (You also need to actually ask the questions in the interview)
"Inside SCP-5XXX" - Delete this
"So this is my house" —-> "This is my house"
"Why yes" —-> "Why, yes"
"SCP-5XXX-A scratched the back of its head" —-> "SCP-5XXX-A scratches the back of its head"
"You don't want them to give you the splinter" —-> "You don't want them to give you splinters"
"Why do you have Lily as a pet instead of others?" —-> "Why is only Lily a pet, and not the others?"
"It was a gift my my father" —-> "It was a gift from my father"
"they wither, where they are then buried" —-> "they wither, then they are buried"
"(pause)" - You provide a number of seconds for the pause further up the interview. keep it consistent.
"Now that I think about it, where did you come from?" —-> "Now that I think about it, where did you come from?"
"There, it reads:" —-> "It reads:"
"- Jeafleaf Willow, his son" - Delete this
"You really admired him, don't you?" —-> "You really admired him, didn't you?"
"So you're saying you are proud in taking care of your garden?" —-> "So you're saying you're proud of taking care of your garden?"
"SCP-5XXX-A embraced Researcher Arnold for a brief moment before he returned to Site-78, where he was investigated for anything unnatural" —-> "SCP-5XXX-A briefly embraced Researcher Arnold before he returned to Site-78"
"Update Log" - Delete this
"On 01/23/21, Researcher Arnold Whitlock filed a request regarding the SCP-5XXX-B instances SCP-5XXX-A had formerly mentioned to be set up for adoption to Site-78 staff" - Is he requesting that the SCP-5XXX-B instances be adopted by Site-78 staff? Even harmless entities get contained.
"'it was a way of saying thank you for his kind actions.'" - Use quotation marks, and put your full stop outside of the quotation marks.
Where are your footnotes?
I like this idea, and I think the narrative progression is good. I was thinking initially that the interview log was dragging on a bit but I think it's probably okay. I definitely recommend seeing what other people think though.
My one concern is that it doesn't really feel like something the SCP Foundation would write. It might just be because the clinical tone is lacking, but it feels like your researcher is too friendly with Jeafleaf. The Foundation is not a hotel, it is a prison. Your interview is not an interview, really. It might be interesting to treat Jeafleaf as a PoI rather than a contained anomaly, or to provide a justification as to why Jeafleaf is not technically in Foundation custody.
Clinical Tone - not great, I've suggested some alternatives in the LBL but it will probably need a second look.
Dialogue - a bit rigid in places, but again I picked up a lot of that in the LBL.
Pacing - pacing is good, I initally thought the interview was too long, considering it didn't really go anywhere, but the ending ties in well.
Another thing is that you say that SCP-5XXX-A is a "group", yet then you only mention Jeafleaf (i.e. Jeafleaf is the only living SCP-5XXX-A instance), which means you're switching between singular and plural throughout the article. Are there multiple SCP-5XXX-A instances or just one?
I like this idea; the article itself needs a lot of work. I apologise if my crit seems off, I haven't read many articles that evoke wholesome emotions. If you made major revisions to your draft, I will happily take another look.
Hi! Please note I am not great at overall narrative critique, and this will most definitely need a second opinion. I have provided you with my thoughts about your narrative as well as a complimentary LBL consisting mostly of SPaG corrections.
"It emits a strong smell" - would "scent" work better?
"has thick black body hair" —-> "has thick, black body hair"
"a typical male pattern" - I feel like this breaks the clinical tone
"The genitalia of SCP-XXXX" —-> "SCP-XXXX's genitalia"
"similar to a human males" —-> "similar to that of a human male"
"This rate of this process" —-> "The rate of this process"
"attention after local fire service broke down the door" —-> "attention after the local fire service broke down the door"
"Mackay" —-> "MacKay"
"The room and it’s contents" —-> "The room and its contents"
"fifth floor any more" —-> "fifth floor anymore"
"5'4"" - should be in metric
I'm presuming you know "Adult Human Female" is a TERF dogwhistle. I think it's intentional that you included it but it's making me feel very weird and unsafe and if that wasn't your intention you should probably change it
"Unknown Male Voice: Gay" - needs some form of punctuation at the end
"insults and a slurs" —-> "insults and slurs"
"Agent’s headlamps" —-> "Agents' headlamps"
"the door the door" - delete one of these
"fuckin reality bender bullshit" - capital letter + full stop
"They open fire in response and the bullets can be seen to impact and cause profuse bleeding, but SCP-XXXX continues running forwards." —-> "They open fire in response and the bullets can be seen to impact and cause profuse bleeding. SCP-XXXX continues running forwards."
The overall idea works but it feels a little flat in places, especially towards the beginning. The ending changed that but then I'm left with more questions than answers.
Identifying large-scale weak points is not my forte but I also didn't see any major problems with your draft. The narrative progression was good, the narrative itself was coherent, and I understood what was going on.
In regards to your questions:
1) I presumed that Jacob Murphy either created one or both of the anomalies or that he was SCP-XXXX (regardless of whether he created the spacial anomaly or not).
2) Yes! The Agents felt like distinct characters, they didn't blur into each other, and they all had different roles.
3) They felt disconnected to be honest. It didn't really seem like they were parts of the same anomaly, just that SCP-XXXX was contained inside of the spacial anomaly. In terms of the separate areas of the spacial anomaly, that was coherent and helped split the narrative into sections.
I hope that helps. Please feel free to run it past me again if you make any major revisions.
"started recruiting and training our own.' Maria's supervisor responded." —-> "started recruiting and training our own,' Maria's supervisor responded."
Obviously there's no canon etc etc but as per this dossier http://www.scpwiki.com/o5-command-dossier all mentioned versions of O5-5 are men.
The middle section initially feels out of place, like it doesn't really relate to the rest of the story. Once I read to the end it obviously makes sense, but when I was reading it the first time it didn't connect very well to either of the previous scene and the following scene.
"'That's weird.' He thought to himself." —-> "'That's weird,' He thought to himself."
"'So what am I in here for, my self-imagined voice of delirium.'" —-> "'So what am I in here for, my self-imagined voice of delirium?'"
"She does a terrible Eastern European impersonation, you know?'" - "Impersonation" feels out of place. "Accent" might fit better.
The characters are well-rounded. Even though nothing is really said about them, they are still characterised well. I could totally read more of this.
Lots of SPaG errors (mostly sentence structure) and severe lack of clinical tone so I will be focusing on your overall narrative rather than LBL-ing.
How did SCP-XXXX escape containment? Containment breaches really aren't that common, especially for Euclid Class objects.
Sometimes researchers and other Foundation staff are subject to amnestics too. While I find it incredibly funny that the Foundation's solution is to employ this dude, your standard human-without-physical-powers is not hard to contain.
Schizophrenia would likely not cause immunity to amnestics, nor is it likely to cause delusions which exactly mirror prior experiences. Amnestics aren't perfect though, and memories can slip through. I don't have schizophrenia (although I am affected by similar symptoms e.g. hallucinations, delusions, paranoia for other reasons). My advice is that if you don't have schizophrenia, you should delete that bit. Saying "this guy's crazy which makes him anomalous" is ableism, even if it's unintentional.
Unless you have a reason to blackbox that much, don't. Blackbox the Site Director's name if you want, but even that isn't recommended. Blackboxing stuff unnecessarily is often a sign of not thinking enough about your writing.
A lot of these mistakes are basic SPaG stuff and not adhering to the How To Write An SCP guide (e.g. using words like "this man" instead of "SCP-XXXX", using "he" instead of "it", etc). There's also a severe lack of clinical tone and a lot of repetition. I'm going to presume that your first language is not English (based on your username, apologies if I'm wrong) and give you the benefit of the doubt here. I can always LBL the draft once it's a little more coherent and closer to posting.
"is to be suppresed" —-> "is to be suppressed"
"there has been an increas" —-> "there has been an increase"
"non-anomalous inviduals has incerased" —-> "non-anomalous inviduals has increased"
The sections before the letters drag on a lot. They read more like a history/anthropology essay than a scientific report. Granted, the fields do overlap (archaeology, etc), but I think you're focusing too much on the origin and variations of the dance. It's important information, but keep it concise. The essay format also wrecks your clinical tone in a lot of places.
Good god that first letter is racist, I think that's intentional though? If it is, congrats; if not, I recommend changing it. It also don't think the first letter really connects to the rest of the narrative, it only repeats what we've already been told.
Why is there untranslated information in radio log? It works fine, but I don't understand why the Foundation wouldn't translate it.
You've got the start of a narrative here but then it ends really abruptly. I think continuing to follow Clarisse would be a really good idea; how does SCP-XXXX affect her and her baby?
Hi! Sorry for the delay.
It is to be fed a Standard Diet and given time for recreational activity. (for complete details pertaining to treatment of the entity, refer to document XXXX-R-01)
Take this out. Noting that a human anomaly is allowed food and exercise is not important to the document. Unless you are actually including Document XXXX-R-01 in your article (and said document explains how the treatment of SCP-XXXX is different from other human/humanoid anomalies), you don't need the reference to it.
D-Class assigned to SCP-XXXX are notified of its properties and are given a provisional supplement to offset atrophy. At the end of the encounter, D-Class are treated with amnestics.
Why though? If the D-Class in question are scheduled for termination then surely allowing SCP-XXXX to kill them works in place of standard termination procedures. Even if the Foundation decide that's unethical, there's no need to waste amnestics on dead people.
currently held at Site-132.
You've already said this in your ConProcs. You don't need to say it again, unless your anomaly was previously held at a different Site.
SCP-XXXX-I
Typically "SCP-XXXX-1"
beginning with fat and muscle, then organs and bone
"affecting their fat, muscle, organs, and bones"
SCP-XXXX was in an intimate relationship
Breaks clinical tone. I don't know an alternative though.
Deafux
Deafaux
Deafux underwent various anomalous effects
"Deafaux experienced various anomalous effects"
Addendum X
Typically "Addendum XXXX.1"
Max Deafaux
Can and should be abbreviated as "Deafaux", or written as "Researcher Deafaux" or "Junior Researcher Deafaux". "Junior Researcher" is abbreviated as "JR" and "Researcher" as "Rs" or similar.
as well as the steady atrophy of Deafaux
Remove this, it's irrelevant.
For full excerpts, refer to SCP-XXXX-Log-I.
I get referring to external documents, but I'm torn here. On one hand, the sentence belongs there and ties the paragraph up; on the other hand, you don't make reference to what kind of document this is.
Kevin5270: Yeah, kat here has been in this chat for a while. She's usually not on that much.
This sentence is important but it changes the tone very abruptly.
Of note is that the chat room is inactive.
Remove, irrelevant.
darlingprincess: hello? anyone?
darlingprincess: lala i am by myself again.
Remove this, replace with a note saying that X amount of time has passed. (Alternatively you could add dates and times in front of usernames like in SkipIRC)
darlingprincess: everytime im here its fine until I feel depressed. sometimes I wanna talk with you guys but ur not on which makes me sad and bored. or Im the only one talking and everyone is lurking and then I leave. I move on, then come back. same cycle again. so I guess im moody af. so its better to leave. it's fucked up, u know I think I just get attached to you guys. and I think im annoying sometimes. so better to end it then do the same thing. is that a good reason now?
Break this into multiple pieces. It doesn't have to be that SCP-XXXX wrote it un spearate pieces but if you type a long message IRC breaks it up into approximately 3-line paragraphs.
Date: [?]
Inconsistency, remove unless you plan on adding dates to all the collapsibles.
darlingprincess: is darling crushing on me?? <3
Is that a pet name or the wrong name?
Opps!
Is that meant to say "Oops" or is it the in-universe equivalent of "0ps"?
And so tiring.
"And so tired."
the former personnel
"personnel" is plural. Just say "Deafaux".
antwonclamon: but why would she send a pic of herself cutting?
Is this referring to shinobu or kat? You didn't mention it before and it just feels jarring and out of place.
the late personnel's claim
"his claim"
PoI-FB4923 was to be traced and apprehended.
"PoI-FB4923 was traced and apprehended."
deafaux: Hi nina.
nekonekoninaboo: Sorry darling
nekonekoninaboo: Deafaux
nekonekoninaboo: Whoever you are
nekonekoninaboo: It's just me
I don't understand this part. The idea is that Kat is everybody in the chatroom, but you should make that clear. It feels a little out of place here.
PoI-FB4923, known as Katherine Serre
"PoI-FB4923, also known as Katherine Serre"
Interviewer: Dr. Kim
Needs a first name as well, just for that part not the rest of the interview.
SCP-XXXX does not talk for the remainder of the interview.
Remove, irrelevant.
It crosses its arms.
"SCP-XXXX crosses its arms."
What is the bigger mistake: me falling for a dead man, or a man falling for his death?
I don't understand the part about him falling for his death. Is it referencing him refusing to leave her?
SCP-XXXX crosses its arms
Needs punctuation at the end
Be not afraid.
Remove
How much time passes between 274 and 275? Sometimes people don't show up in chat for a while and they're fine. Shinobu didn't make any reference to leaving in 274 but her absence in 275 is not particularly relevant. Putting more distance between the numbers and mentioning that she's been gone a while would aid this part of the narrative.
Shinobu suddenly reappearing without notice just feels wrong. Regardless of whether shinobu is Kat, her sudden reappearance makes very little sense and just serves to make the narrative confusing.
Overall I really enjoyed reading this. The anomaly in itself felt a little generic at first but its relationship with Deafaux was laid out very well. The pacing was great, the dialogue was a little weird in places but nothing too bad, and overall the idea just works really well.
The parts with Shinobu complicate the narrative a bit but I think if you can make it clear that her disappearence and subsequent reappearance is significant to the narrative then it will work well.
In regards to the moral struggle, you nailed it. Kat is a wonderfully-thought-out character and her emotions really radiate in your writing. I'm not partial to endings where the anomaly dies/wants to die, but you portrayed it excellently. 10/10 would read again.
If you make major revisions to your draft I'd love to see it again.
Summoned via IRC :D
MTF Tau-21("Set Phasers")
MTF Tau-21 ("Set Phasers")
Of the other members,
Remove this.
SCP-XXXX is silent for several moments.
Might be better to use an actual amount of time? Clinical tone and all that.
mirror-basement
"basement in the mirror" might fit better
the arm extends forward and grabs Felicia.
You should state that the mirror dude pulls Felicia into the mirror before Sean speaks.
above a oak desk
"above an oak desk"
The drawer rips out
"The drawer falls out"
Overall, it's definitely an interesting idea but it feels disconnected in a lot of places. You never really introduce the characters and I didn't feel emotionally connected to them until the end of Felicia's logs. I didn't really understand why they were hunting Sarkics either, and I didn't realise they were an MTF-adjacent group (I think?) until they were actually in the basement. The bit with the mirror felt disjointed and I don't understand why SCP-XXXX couldn't pass through the mirror. Granted, I'm not familiar with the Prometheus Labs format or with crazy reality stuff, so it may well just be my lack of knowledge.
In regards to narrative progression, it works fine, but if your main narrative is "dude being exploited by shitty corporations" and not "group of friends go Sarkic hunting and most of them die" then you probably need a major rewrite. I'd definitely recommend running past more people (especially people familiar with the format) because I am absolutely not the expert on this.
1) It doesn't feel like X-Man syndrome. It might if you refocus the narrative, but with a good narrative X-Man syndrome matters less.
2) I didn't really feel any emotion until Felicia's logs. I certainly didn't feel emotionally connected to your characters until they died.
3) I feel like the main goal of your article is to show that SCP-XXXX is being exploited by both Prometheus and the Foundation, but the narrative surrounding the basement and the alternate reality detracts from that. There's a lot going on and it lets the tension slip.
4) I don't think SCP-XXXX gets enough "screen time". I struggled to see it as a person capable of emotion, even though its storyline was an emotional one. I didn't feel an emotional connection to Mark, Amy, or Sean at all, and I only felt something for Felicia at the end of her logs.
5) The final interview was good; it ties up the ending and shows that he is being exploited from multiple different angles. That being said, I'm biased towards stuff that shows the Foundation as antagonistic. You could easily end it with the Discovery Log, or even with the Company Missive.
6) I think the style is okay. Although "Files: 1998" and "Interview 1" don't have close tabs at the bottom of their collapsibles, whereas the rest do.
7) It does get that message across, but it only really became clear SCP-XXXX was being exploited near the end. The exploration of SCP-XXXX's relationship with his friends detracts from the exploitation narrative because it is the main focus. The fact that SCP-XXXX is being exploited is a second thought.
8) The "grief buddies" scene is the video log with SCP-XXXX and Felicia? It works, and it introduces Harvey and tells the reader that he's a bitch. The reference to Felicia's partner feels a little out of place because it took me a minute to work out that he wasn't one of the previously-mentioned characters. I also don't really understand how SCP-XXXX is helping Felicia.
Day 0
He was much shorter than Duncan, powerfully built with a thick black moustache.
"He was much shorter than Duncan, powerfully built, with a thick black moustache."
He was dressed in an orange jumpsuit with the identification D-77713 stitched onto the left breast pocket. He was staring intently into an antique handheld mirror.
"He was dressed in an orange jumpsuit with the identification D-77713 stitched onto the left breast pocket, and was staring intently into an antique handheld mirror."
Except that instead of trying to drop this imaginary firecracker, the man now appeared to be trying to strangle it.
"Instead of trying to drop this imaginary firecracker, the man now appeared to be trying to strangle it."
As soon as Duncan released his wrist, Martin crossed himself.
"crossed himself"???
“You’re coming through loud and clear, Mr. Holstrom,” a voice came through the intercom at his elbow. “And we agree with you. If you try to force him to put his hand through that portal, it’s not going to go well.”
This paragraph feels out of place. Duncan didn't say anything out loud about putting either his or D-77713's hand through the mirror.
The voice coming through the intercom belonged to Doctor Eller out of Helsinki. Until he’d spoken Duncan had briefly forgotten the Helsinki team was also involved in this test. That the remote team had caught him breaking protocol by using the mirror was bad enough, that they had also just read his mind was even worse.
Merge this with the paragraph I mentioned above this. You don't need to separate them. Also having Duncan putting the mirror back on the table after having realised he's being watched shows that he feels guilty rather than just surprised by the intercom.
it did not seem particularly noteworthy compared to many of the other objects held in containment. It was classified it as safe
Safe-class objects are not inherently non-noteworthy. I realise that it may not have been your intention to correlate the two, but that's how it reads in the draft.
Until one day during routine inspection, someone looked into it and saw what they recognized as the inside of a Foundation facility in another country.
You're trying to create suspense here but it just feels flat. Try editing the sentence structure to make it less fairytale and more SCP Tale.
There was no reason to think that these two items would be connected in any way. Yet they very clearly were.
"There was no reason to think that these two items would be connected in any way, yet they very clearly were."
This set of tests had been requisitioned
What set of tests? I feel like we already know they're running tests on the mirror because we've already seen it. I also don't think "requisitioned" is the right word.
Mar, the subject?
If Duncan is stopping saying "Martin" halfway through the word, you need a dash rather than a comma. "Mar- the subject?"
senior researcher Ramirez
"Senior Researcher Ramirez"
conversing in German.
Unless you make it clear as to why the characters are speaking German, take this out.
Confirmed,
Put this in speech marks or take it out.
had been taken over
"was displaying"
5:30 am
"5:30am"
Day 1
This level four wing
"The Level Four wing"
site director
"Site Director"
Site Director, Drucker
"Site Director Drucker"
small, windowless conference room
"small, windowless room" is fine, you don't need to repeat that it's a conference room.
small round meeting table
"small, round meeting table"
video camera
Do you mean "security camera"? Or, like, a webcam?
Only one or two were known by name, as far as Duncan was aware. And he’d only seen an image of one, a tall elegant older woman, in a news article dated six years ago.
There's no canon etc etc but, um, how? 1) why was there a picure of an O5 in a news article? 2) how does Duncan know what they look like? 3) How does Duncan know their names?
level three researcher
"Level 3 researcher" or "Level 3 Researcher"
It was almost a relief when the time hit 5:42 and there was still no sign of any conference starting.
Even though you state in the following sentence why Duncan feels relieved, it's confusing at first because you were just talking about how anxious he was; surely his anxiety would increase with time?
“Duncan Holstrom.” Duncan replied. He then recited the eight-digit number which served as his unique employee identifier within the Foundation.
"“Duncan Holstrom,” Duncan replied. [Just make up a number; we know it's a unique number and you don't need to tell us that]".
“Thank you for coming.” The voice responded.
"“Thank you for coming,” The voice responded."
“Okay,” Duncan hesitated, “Yes, Council Member Six.”
Remove.
Site-24 housed nearly 50 Safe and Euclid class anomalous objects. Some of which behaved unpredictably.
Eh. Safe Class objects can by definition be locked in a box and left alone. At the very least, make this part one sentence rather than two.
entire containment facility
"entire facility"
“You do not,” Council Member Six stated evenly. "The Council consensus is that Argus proved inconclusive because it lacked the necessary scope,” The voice continued. “In this next iteration of the project we will be encoding all anomalous data available to the Foundation and introducing it into the neural engine.”
This is all the same person speaking so it should be all in one set of speech marks.
staff level four
"Security Clearance Level Four" or "Security Clearance Level 4" or "Level 4"
“That’s the spirit,” the voice replied in a tone entirely devoid of warmth or humor. “The Council believes that the patterns are there, Mister Holstrom. It is now your job to find them. Good bye."
Put this all in one paragraph. "Goodbye" is one word.
The screen before him went dark.
"The screen went dark."
Day 3
Site 01
"Site-01"
floor to ceiling windows
"floor-to-ceiling windows"
burst into flame
"burst into flames"
potentially anomalous digital files
"potentially-anomalous digital files"
thumb drives
USBs are not the same as hard drives. They do function similarly in that they both store information, but they are not the same. This is less of a terminology issue and more of a consistency issue; you said "hard drives" before and then "thumb drives", be consistent.
This is good enough start
"This is a good enough start"
pointing to the star representing Site-24
Why is he pointing to the star when he's asking for an isolated lab to work from? Why is the star relevant to this sentence?
Day 9
Both were reviewing plans on the table between them.
This is telling rather than showing. You could change the sentence to say something about the paperwork/maps/plans/whatever are spread across the table, which implies that they're reviewing the plans without telling us directly.
roughly two meters in length
"diameter" might work better here.
assistant director
"Assistant Director"
she had been COO
"COO" should be written out in full. Unless you mean "CEO", in which case the abbreviation is fine.
anomalous object SCP-0107
"SCP-0107"
meteorological, sociological or extradimensional
"meteorological, sociological, or extradimensional" - Oxford comma consistency (either use it or don't, but be consistent) also applies to the rest of the draft.
The first of many results ready to be loaded into Argus.
This feels disconnected from the rest of the story. If you add it onto the end of the previous paragraph it might fit better.
“It should be pretty cool.”
"It'll be pretty cool."
On the moniter the rain continued to fall.
"The rain on the moniter continued to fall."
Day 16
“Duncan Holstrom,” Duncan recited his badge number.
"“Duncan Holstrom.” Duncan recited his badge number."
Council Member Six
Might be better to say "O5-6".
senior researchers Park and Long
"Senior Researchers Park and Long"
Tom Masterson had been appointed to lead engineer on Project Argus
This entire section feels like it's in the wrong place. You've connected it back to Duncan at the end, but not at the beginning, and it just feels blunt. It might feel less blunt if you add a title in front of "Tom Masterton".
“Your timeline has been accelerated,” said Six. “You will not have time for new research. To keep this project on schedule, the Council has elected to make members of the Brookings team available to you for one week.”
Put this all in one paragraph. (This also applies to the rest of the split dialogue in the draft)
“One final thing, Mister Holstrom.” said Six.
"“One final thing, Mister Holstrom,” said Six."
Day 20
a flat open field stretching to a grey tree line on horizon
"a flat, open field stretching to a grey tree line on the horizon"
Site-24’s “Back Lot.”
"Site-24’s “Back Lot”." Punctuation goes inside speech marks, and outside quotation marks.
guardhouse standing in front of the fence
" guardhouse in front of the fence"
forty-eight hours
You can use numbers. You don't have to but if you're writing longer numbers (there was a hundred and something further back) it is easier to read numbers rather than text. If you do change it, be consistent.
There was only one line of communication running into the bunkers. An emergency intercom which connected each bunker to the guardhouse at the gate.
"There was only one line of communication running into the bunkers: an emergency intercom which connected each bunker to the guardhouse at the gate."
“Any incident occurs inside your bunker you, or another member of your team is to activate the emergency line to be connected to the officer on duty.” Chatham had told Duncan
"“If an incident occurs inside your bunker, you or another member of your team is to activate the emergency line to be connected to the officer on duty.” Chatham had told Duncan"
The intercom unit was there for Duncan’s team to reach out. Not for the outside world to reach in.
"The intercom unit was there for Duncan’s team to reach out, not for the outside world to reach in."
In the opposite corner next to the entrance was the intercom above which was a bulbous fisheye lens.
"In the opposite corner next to the entrance was the intercom, above which was a bulbous fisheye lens."
“Call me Syd,” said Siddhartha, enthusiastically shaking their hands.
You haven't previously introduced this character. Even giving them a title or a brief description of their job role and a last name in this sentence would introduce them briefly without you having to talk about them earlier in the draft.
Including himself and Karen, the Argus team now stood at a tight six members.
Duncan, Karen, Tom, Syd, Uri, Noam, Johanna, and Clark is eight people. Even if Noam and Uri are temporary personnel, they're still part of the Argus team at that point in time.
And then, three days after arriving at Site-24 they boarded a plane back to Stuttgart.
"And then, three days after arriving at Site-24, they boarded a plane back to Stuttgart."
Day 24
Level 4 suite
Again, just "four"/"4" consistency.
the actually images
"the actual images"
could not have saved D-13693
"could not have saved D-13639"
Cogneto-hazards
"Cognitohazards"
Day 30
“Please state your name,” said Six to start their conference.
"“Please state your name,” said Six, to start their conference."
“Duncan Holstrom,” Duncan began to recite his eight-digit employee number.
"“Duncan Holstrom.” Duncan began to recite his eight-digit employee number."
“We can’t encode it if everyone who looks at it drops dead,” Duncan responded. “There is no safe way to work with it.
Add a speech mark at the end of this sentence.
the Melbourne woman
Change to "D-13639"
testing of 0053
Change "0053" to "053" or "SCP-053"
He was thinking of Karen now. And about sending her back into those testing chambers.
"He was thinking of Karen now, about sending her back into those testing chambers."
ethics panel
"Ethics Committee"
Duncan heard a note of emotion in the voice belonging to Council Member Six.
"Duncan heard a note of emotion in O5-6's voice."
2111 and 0053 and all other anomalies referred to you,” Six had regained his composure.
"2111, 053, and all other anomalies referred to you.” Six had regained his composure."
collapsed into in his chair
"collapsed into his chair"
the personal background the resources assigned to him
"the personal background of the resources assigned to him"
but that this point
"but at this point"
hi-pitched
"high-pitched"
wet gibbering maw
"wet, gibbering maw"
Day 34
Duncan felt and eerie calm descend upon him.
"Duncan felt an eerie calm descend upon him."
recommissioned to D-Class
"reassigned" or "demoted" might work better here
He turned on his heal
"He turned on his heel"
calm, clear detached approach
"calm, clear, detached approach"
He had, also stopped talking about his dreams.
He had also stopped talking about his dreams.
It had occurred to him to wonder why they had been constructed underground.
Do you mean "It had never occurred to him"?
Whatever was down there still required an energy source. “This thing better fucking work,” Karen had said in their last meeting.
This is a very blunt transition between the two scenes, even though they're on different lines.
“I’m doing my goddamn job, Duncan,” she’d snarled at him. “You do yours. You want to help? Make this worth it. This thing better fucking work.”
Put this all on one line.
Day 36
redacted provenance
I don't think you mean "provenance"? Maybe "information" would suffice?
moving it into a que
"moving it into a queue"
Good-night
"Goodnight" is one word.
dark blue green
"dark blue-green"
“It’s a heatmap, Duncan,” She snapped.
"“It’s a heatmap, Duncan,” she snapped."
SCP Facility
"SCP" in-universe is "Special Containment Procedures". Try "Foundation Facility" or "Foundation Site" instead.
███████████
Why? Is this it speaking to him? I get the theme of redacting things in this section but it's not needed here.
Day 37
Argus implacably loaded one dataset
I don't think "implacably" is a word, and it doesn't really make sense in the context either.
Duncan stood up as well.
I think remove this? It feels strange, too many short sentences in a row.
It was not language.
"It was not his voice."
“There are three more still in there. They need immediate extraction!”
What's stopping Duncan from physically dragging Karen and Clark (if not Tom as well) with him when he leaves the bunker? Why does he leave them there?
“What the fuck was that,” Johanna turned to hiss at Duncan.
"“What the fuck was that?” is a question. And why is she angry at him? It seems a little out of place.
“Our three team members need help!” Duncan shouted through the gate.
This as an opening feels wrong. Idk why though. Maybe because the end of the previous part contrasts heavily with the opening of this part.
Sargent Rizzo
"Sergeant Rizzo"
in an apparent attempt to silence the other man.
"in an apparent attempt to silence him."
an isolation tent
"a tent"
He was still in handcuffs.
Move this to the bit after the sentence about the tent.
She now appeared to be talking to herself.
"She appeared to be talking to herself."
cases of cognetohazardous speech
"cases of cognitohazardous speech"
So, as a precaution someone had placed a pink sticky-note on the video screen to cover her face.
"So, as a precaution, someone had placed a pink sticky-note on the video screen to cover her face."
non-lethal bean-bag ammunition
Okay, but why? I feel like they would just shoot Tom. And he's dead in your narrative anyway, so it wouldn't change the outcome.
Day 38
Most of this section feels a little off. Duncan would not be allowed to treat the O5 like that, and he's already said he doesn't want to leave the Foundation. The story works, but it doesn't fit the setting or the characters.
in a woman’s voice
Delete this.
“Karen,” Duncan continued. “Karen and Tom had been looking at the heat map
Potentially you should use last names here? It's more formal.
in a man’s voice
Delete this.
If you’ve got any super-geniuses on the O5 Council
I feel like the O5 would snipe Duncan for insolence and if that wasn't your intention you should change the wording.
He looked from one camera to the next.
If you had stopped this part of the narrative here and taken it to mean that Duncan was feeling guilty for telling the O5 what to do and scared for his job and his life, it would've worked better. Regardless of Duncan's security clearance level, the O5 would not tell him that they were affected by the cognitohazards.
Excellent work as always, Council Member Six.
What you seem to be writing here is an O5 meeting that Duncan happens to be in, rather than a meeting about the breach or about Argus. The ending of this section ties up very well, but the part about the O5 being affected by the cognitohazards, while probably needed if you reference it again, feels very out of place.
Day 212
It had been over six months since he was formally employed by the Foundation.
I think you mean that it was six months since he left? This currently makes it seem like it has been six months since it started.
In the end, they had just let him walk out the door. Just as important, they’d let him take his memories with him.
This… doesn't feel right to me, idk.
his unconscious had started to understand
"his unconscious mind had started to understand"
The tone feels weird at first. It changes a lot, and is too casual in places. I understand it's not meant to be clinical tone but switching between casual conversation tone and harsher tone regardless of whether you're in dialogue is very strange. E.g. the dialogue and some of the prose is written in a more formal tone but some of the prose is written more casually. It causes inconsistency in the flow of the narrative, as well as just not being nice to read.
The perspective is strange in the first two sections too. At some points, you're using limited third person and other times you're using omnipresent third person. Keep it consistent.
When your dialogue tags use commas, the word after the comma should not be capitalised.
When you use dialogue tags with question marks/other sentence-ending punctuation, it looks better if you move the name next to the punctuation, e.g. "Duncan asked" rather than "Asked Duncan".
Chatham reminds me a lot of one of the characters in the novel I edited last year. Really well-formed, amazing.
The pacing in the first two sections is not great. I understand it's the set-up of the narrative but it felt a lot like it was dragging on in places. The pacing after Day 1 is significantly better.
There's a lot of basic SPaG mistakes (e.g. not using commas between adjectives) that I've flagged a couple of times in the LBLs. Please be aware I have not flagged all of these.
I like the ending. It's cyclical, not in setting, but in focus, and I like that. I was worried the epilogue would take it too far from the original storyline but it doesn't, really. In the end this story is about Duncan. The one concern I have is that the section before the epilogue is not a particularly satisfying ending without the epilogue to explain what Duncan's idea was. Epilogues are conclusions, but they serve to show that the character is continuing in their journey. The section before the epilogue also needs to end the story.
Apart from the SPaG issues, a couple of concerns with the initial pacing, and whatever was going on in Day 38, this was a solid Tale, and is written very well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and would absolutely read it again. Please feel to run it past me again, and let me know when you post it.
Hi!
Euclid
I'm torn here. If it manifested itself inside a Site then the Object Class would be Euclid or Keter, but it seems unable to move itself and nobody can move it either so therefore it's Safe?
one-sided windows
"one-way mirrors" (replace all times)
both of which are unclear to the SCP Foundation.
"the meaning of which is unclear"
Analysis of SCP-XXXX suggests that its explosion could destroy approximately 10 000 square kilometres
"Analysis of SCP-XXXX shows that its explosion could destroy approximately 10,000 square kilometres"
Yesterday, two humans died to [REDACTED].
Why "to"? And why is it redacted?
destroying approximately 10 000 square kilometres.
"destroying approximately 10,000 square kilometres."
The anomaly remained silent during the process and continued to act and converse in the same ways as before the attempt.
The anomaly can't be silent and conversing at the same time. If you mean that the anomaly was the same afterwards as before, you need to state that.
The attempt to move the object resulted in the discovery that it and its cart, now considered part of SCP-XXXX, are anomalously stationary.
Is the cart SCP-XXXX-1? (Or -A, whatever.) "Are anomalously stationary" feels wrong, and I think it breaks clinical tone.
one (1) hour,
Remove
an increased rate.
"an accelerated rate"
Approved, this required that the chamber be decorated as a researchers' staff room to justify frequent visits.
This just feels weird. The Foundation is a prison; they do not need to justify frequent or constant observation of anomalies.
wearing one-sided eyewear to hide the fact that they were observing it
I think remove this. Surely it would notice them since they're standing right next to it?
Dr. Shi's being single
"Dr. Shi being single"
affected have been known to attack
"affected individuals have been known to attack" or "affected objects have been known to attack"
Money will be placed in SCP-XXXX at the moment this question is asked.
Remove
Idk about this one. I'm just not feeling it, really. I think it's meant to be comedy, but it doesn't feel like it. The pacing is really slow and the narrative doesn't progress much. We don't really learn anything new about the anomaly beyond its initial description. The bomb has a relationship with a researcher but it's not really shown in detail or expanded on. 343's appearance doesn't really serve a purpose beyond being lolrandom. The ending is okay, but feels a little disconnected from the rest of the story. Idk, it's just not for me.
I hope that helps :)
Hi!
a) I'm still not sure about this but you seem pretty certain, and it's your decision.
c) The problem with this line was that you referenced the Foundation in 3rd person. The Foundation are writing the document. You could say "the meaning of which is unclear", but the reason for the anomaly's reverence for its creator is also unclear.
d) The Foundation are not uncertain about things. Strikethroughs exist in-universe because the Foundation were certain about an anomaly, but the information actually turned out to be incorrect.
i) Remove the whole thing. If we needed to know how long it took you would've already mentioned it further up the article. If it isn't surplus information, put it somewhere where it's obvious it's important and show that it's important in the article.
m) That is correct; I wasn't saying it wasn't a word, I was saying it breaks the tone.
(any section that doesn't have an annotation here is fine)
SCP-4456
This (and the other links) don't go anywhere at the moment.
I look forward to future communications with you!
Change the punctuation, probably to a full stop/period.
although I must confess slight skepticism. However, our goals appear to be aligned, and I see no reason to distrust you as a result, especially seeing as you have attempted no hostilities against us.
The "although" and "however" clash a bit. I recommend removing the "however", since it doesn't fully connect to the previous sentence.
to collaborate, and personally, I'm quite excited to
Add a comma after "and"
Would you be willing to consider destroying her, on behalf of both of our organizations? Sincerely, James Richard
Is the point of taking "James Richard" out of the fancy typeface here to bring him into the 21st Century? Because it works with your format and your story but it also seems like an error at first.
The ending does connect the reader with history, but in a way where Richard is being brought into the 21st Century rather than us being displaced there. The last note brings the SCP Foundation into the 17th Century, which ties the ending up really well.
fishing and hunting related keywords
"hunting- and fishing-related keywords"
SCP-XXXX has several minor anomalous abilities, including:
Remove the punctuation from the end of each item in the list.
20th parallel north
"20th parallel North"
An indifference to SCP-XXXX's unusual appearance from those unfamiliar with its anomalous properties,
What does this actually mean? Also the wording is clunky and it doesn't really feel like an anomalous ability.
no secondary evidence collaborating such a purchase.
"no secondary evidence corroborating such a purchase."
32 story megastore that includes
"32-story megastore that contains"
Line was found to survive stresses beyond its typical capabilities during trials.
"Line was found to survive stresses beyond its typical capabilities."
In 8 hour period
"In an 8 hour period" or "In the 8 hour period"
Addendum 2: Interview with SCP-XXXX:
Is an interview log not separate from an addendum? Also the format of the interview is weird, but I think it's just missing "begin log" and "end log".
Since SCP-XXXX's discovery in 2018, Foundation efforts to contact SCP-XXXX were unsuccessful until on 03/02/2021, Foundation Agent Fabio Kuxim made contact with it posing as a member of the Internal Revenue Service.
"Since SCP-XXXX's discovery in 2018, Foundation efforts to contact SCP-XXXX were unsuccessful until on 03/02/2021. Foundation Agent Fabio Kuxim made contact with it posing as a member of the Internal Revenue Service."
floor to ceiling windows and a large round table
"floor-to-ceiling windows and a large, round table"
wearing a black three piece suit
"wearing a black three-piece suit"
traditional paper crown
"traditional"??
Thank you for meeting us on such short notice
"Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice"
SCP-XXXX: The Snakes and Coyoltlahtolli.Nahuatl for 'Tongue of the Coyote'. A term used by Aztec city-states to describe Spanish Conquistadors. have long since crushed my people and their rituals, perhaps. No more may shamans drink wine and feast in my name for a bountiful hunt, but make no mistake. I persist. SCP-XXXX: Now the Americans come to my pyramid. My modern teocalli. They drink beer and they feast under my roof as they pray for a good day's fishing. You cannot crush the Teotl with a holy book or with sulfur and gunpowder. As long as one Mexica breathes, so shall I.
I get that this is broken up for pacing but since it's SCP-XXXX speaking both times maybe you should put all the speech in one paragraph? Or a… stage direction?? like, a pause, in between the two sections.
Excellent draft, really interesting idea, made me laugh, 10/10.
All instances of SCP-XXXX are to be stored in a standard air-gapped Foundation server.
"air-gapped"? and is SCP-XXXX online?
including an expert in hydromancy
This is not an ingredient.
Any online medium that mentions the process of making SCP-XXXX turns into a format resembling a recipe blog
Mentions the process of making (as in writing) the recipe? Or making SCP-XXXX-1 (i.e. following the recipe)?
resebling
"resembling"
reports from test subjects of SCP-XXXX-1 report the death as being peaceful
I get what you're trying to say here but people can't report how peaceful their death was if they're dead.
These are various interviews the Foundation conducted and documents the Foundation found that either reference SCP-XXXX or the users of SCP-XXXX.
The Foundation are writing the report in-universe, they don't need to reference themselves.
Researcher Danielle
Needs a first name in the "Interviewer" section.
Whiile Bautista was not looking, Researcher Danielle grabbed his copy of SCP-XXXX and sent it to Site-901 for safekeeping.
Should be "while" instead of "whiile". "Grabbed" breaks clinical tone; could be replaced with "obtained".
thye
"they"
I've told you to stop smoking already
Needs punctuation on the end.
Not much, but its there.
"Not much, but it's there."
[Andal hands over Danielle a folder. Danielle open the folder]
"[Andal hands over Danielle a folder. Danielle opens the folder]"
Andal: Hey, thats what you get when one of your steps is "be at sea".
"Andal: Hey, that's what you get when one of your steps is "be at sea"."
The dialogue in the second interview, specifically Danielle's dialogue, feels a little blunt; it's structured whereas it should probably be a little more casual.
Third interview should probably be an audio log rather than an interview.
Third interview feels disconnected. Mentioning crimes and then not mentioning them further on in the article hinders your narrative.
Site Director's notice feels very disconnected from the rest of the narrative and doesn't really make sense.
I have requested to accompany him during his daily life
Before this you referred to Bautista as "Ms". Keep it consistent.
Write the prologues and epilogues for the interviews in third person.
It was effective at disposing of a political dissident
The punctuation at the end of this sentence is one line below. Backspace so it's lined up.
I like the implication that Danielle is an assassin but overall I think it's still a bit disjointed. The content in the three interviews is not enough to show the growth of a meaningful relationship between Danielle and Bautista, and it just seems rushed. Even with the ending, it doesn't really do anything for me. I don't feel anything for either Bautista or Danielle, really.
These are various interviews the Foundation conducted and documents the Foundation found that either reference SCP-XXXX
"Below are various interviews conducted and documents found by the Foundation that reference either SCP-XXXX"
to destory what you
"to destroy what you"
please burn the parchment so no one will relearn how to do this
Capital letter needed at the beginning of the sentence.
If you manage to dispatch more people
You wrote "dispatch" twice in this paragraph and it feels a little repetitive.
Narrative- and pacing-wise, this is much better. There's clear narrative progression here where there wasn't before, and you are actually telling a story. Even though the ending is pretty open, it still works. I'm slightly hesitant about your decision to blackbox Marcos' name in the email, since people may well not know who he is.
SCP-XXXX appears to be a traditional late 19th-century photo album.
"SCP-XXXX is a traditional late-19th-century photo album."
The cover had big letters at the top reading
Breaks clinical tone. Try "The cover of SCP-XXXX is inscribed with the words".
Upon viewing SCP-XXXX individuals perceive the pages as displaying images
"Upon viewing SCP-XXXX, individuals perceive the pages to be displaying images". Are they perceiving the skip to be doing things or is it doing them?
birthdays, weddings, and other change-of-life events.
"birthdays, weddings, and other significant events"
The size of the book remains the same for all people.
Irrelevant, remove.
After they "relive" the memory and change their choices, they are able to see what would have happened if that was what had occurred.
Breaks clinical tone.
If multiple people are reading SCP-XXXX, the pictures are of the person closest to the book. If somebody else makes physical contact with the picture, nothing is reported to happen.
Clinical tone is a little bit off here. I recommend using "subjects" or "test subjects" instead of "people".
While archeologists launched an excavation of a plateau in Iran, They accidentally broke into what seemed to be an unexplored portion of the Qanat tunnels at first.
Reword. You can add this information in pieces without needing it in full sentences. Try starting with "SCP-XXXX was discovered during an excavation of a plateau in [somewhere], Iran."
Actually the entire discovery log is weird. Try rewording it into clinical tone and removing the excess information. Your focus should be the anomaly and its affects on the archaeologists, not the archaeologists themselves.
Welcome, Williams
"Welcome, Dr Williams"
Interviewee: [BLACKBOX]
"Interviewee: D-840264"
I am [BLACKBOX] and I am a physician's assistant at [BLACKBOX] Hospital.
D-Class very rarely have known names, and their occupations don't matter; researchers certainly wouldn't ask for them in official interviews.
You can use test subjects who aren't D-Class. If you need the reader to know about the D-Class's family in detail, don't use a D-Class. Otherwise, cut out the information under the blackboxes.
The Foundation would not pay D-Class (as they are there against their own wills) and they would not make it seem like they were going to. The Foundation are not incompetent; don't make them look it.
What is the chance I get harmed in any way.
"What is the chance I get harmed in any way?"
D-840672 My name is Dr. [BLACKBOX] and I am a researcher here. What is it this is about?
While D-Class are human test subjects, Foundation researchers are not D-Class. Give your researcher a name.
you will get a raise and become research head of SCP-[BLACKBOX].
This is not in Williams' control.
That son of a bitch
Don't hide swear words under blackboxes. The mainsite is made up mostly of adults, everybody is over 15, and, with a few exceptions, the Foundation would not redact swear words in audio logs.
Overall, I'm not convinced with this. You don't really have a narrative progression and the things your characters do either serve to show us things about the anomaly that we already know (the first two tests logs are virtually identical) or as a disjointed attempt at comedy (the end of the last test log). The concept is good and definitely has potential, but currently the way it's executed is not great. And please chill with the blackboxes.
with selected individuals sent for psychological and memory testing.
"with selected individuals recommended for psychological testing."
SCP-5640 designates an inactive black serpentine entity weighing 1200 kg and having a length of approximately 750 kilometers.
"SCP-5640 is a black serpentine entity weighing 1200 kg and measuring 750 kilometers in length."
which is made of thaumaturgically-enhanced keratine
"which are made of thaumaturgically-enhanced keratin"
although they had conflicting details and were ambiguous.
"although the reports were ambiguous and contained conflicting details."
Bangus Festival
Footnote here should be after "Bangus"
Philippine's
Apostrophe goes after the "s"
SCP-5640-1 refers to a middle-aged human female.
"SCP-5640-1 is a middle-aged human female."
GoI-503
You said before that Aviatica was GoI-530.
A single notebook has been found on its hands
"SCP-5640-1 was found holding a single notebook. which contained no text save for the inscription "Consummatum est" on its back cover."
although several deciphered articles are modules, checklists, and manuals meant for Project BAKUNAWA
"although several deciphered articles were found to be modules, checklists, and manuals meant for Project BAKUNAWA"
levitating thaumaturgic circle made out of abaca fibers, bamboo stilts, and Arabian jasmine cuttings.
"levitating thaumaturgic circle constructed from abaca fibers, bamboo stilts, and Arabian jasmine cuttings." (You also have a footnote that is a different format from the rest after "jasmine")
It's March 25, 2035 na.
"na"? Seems like a Filipino thing, in which case it should be italicised.
have already successfully asked Bakunawa six times to do it.
Footnote should be after "in the past".
PH GDP index to jump to 5th from 140th after Project BAKUNAWA
"Jump" feels like the wrong word? Unless you mean "140th to 5th".
Your footnotes aren't at the bottom of the page.
I'm not familiar with the GoI but you're essentially retelling a myth and that works for me. The SCP-5640-1 entity perhaps felt a little disconnected and you didn't talk more about the notebook after you first mentioned it. They need to be relevant to the story if you include them, even if it's just explaining that they exist in the myth.
Class-D amnestics
Interesting choice, I like it. I don't really understand why you chose it, but I'm intrigued.
prion-diseases
prion diseases
resulting in them becoming an SCP-XXXX-1 instance
"resulting in the creation of an SCP-XXXX-1 instance"
Standard foundation cogitohazard and anti-memetic training and inoculation have proven effective in countering the effect of SCP-XXXX-3 in 97% of cases.
"Standard Foundation cogitohazard and antimemetic training and inoculation has proven effective in countering the effect of SCP-XXXX-3 in 97% of cases."
Is this finished yet? If so, you don't have a narrative. While this is an interesting set-up, it needs more. It's definitely something I would read more of, but you need to show how your characters, including the Foundation, interact with your anomaly.
Are you sure you wish to continue? (Iteration 2)
Does not have a "> y" indicator.
but randomly can turn
Should the "randomly" be after the "can"?
half-bird half-human hybrid
"half-bird"?? Isn't she a siren?
But you know, it would make sense as to my own amnesia, as well as why I'm still here.
This sentence feels a little weird. I don't think it's in the wrong place, but the wording is a bit strange.
log 4
You saved the log in Iteration 1 as Log 4, and the log in Iteration 2 as Log 4. Is Molly saving the logs over each other or is this a typo?
and as a result research into SCP-XXXX instances
"and, as a result, research into SCP-XXXX instances"
World ending?
Not "Apollyon"?
class A amnestics
"Class A amnestics"
The div boxes are offset from the rest of the sandbox. I think it's intentional but I just wanted to check.
Overall, the narrative flows really well. I was worried initially because it was multiple different anomalies, but you connected them up and it works! I don't fully understand the ending (i.e. how Molly can log into SCiPnet when she couldn't before, and the implications of that), but I love the format screw and the story behind it. I would absolutely read more of this.
Song crit. Between 0:09-0:36 the lyrics were hard to hear due to loud music overlay and/or heavy distortion. Easy fix.
Now the question is, why do you want us to do contain you?
"Now the question is, why do you want us to contain you?"
triapsed
"traipsed"
A total of 149 steps are outlined in SCP-000.
Why 149? I feel like "Use unholy witchcraft to revive yourself" works as an ending.
I had to detonate a warhead under that refugee camp myself, now that was a pain.
Remove "myself"?
No, Two, we're terrible fucking people.
It's Six who says about protecting the world.
O5-3: Well, no use crying over spilled milk. Everyone grab your cannibalism kits, we're not wasting time being picky about body parts this time around!
This ending feels weird. I think it's just the phrasing of the sentence, though it might also be because cannibalism isn't explicitly mentioned anywhere else in the article.
It's such a nice day today you know.
"It's such a nice day today, you know?"
One is named , the other named .
Remember to add the names in.
What they did this day.
"What they did today."
Welcome home dear.
"Welcome home, dear."
I yell for 's name.
Remove "for" (This goes for all the sentences in the same format)
To be relesed.
"To be released."
ten thousands pounds of stone.
I know it's not an article, but you might still get penalised for using imperial rather than metric.
Overall, I like it but I don't really understand how it relates to the Foundation. If you hadn't mentioned 2k in chat then I would've said it wasn't connected at all. It's a cool story, but I think it needs a more obvious link to both the jamcon theme and to the Foundation (or a GoI).
you need a comma in the second "welcome home dear"
filling out the world I so desparately want to go back.
"filling out the world; I so desperately want to go back."
then none
"then nothing"
The Foundation link works well. It might break the tone a bit, but it works. if you make more major changes then I can look again.
Emily Masters, SCP-XXXX Site Directors
I know it says "Site Directors" because there's two of them but was this intentional or is it an error?
on said maps
Remove
Foundation Site-A
Maybe give them a number as well as a -A/-B designation? I've never seen "-[LETTER]" Sites before and, while I think it's cool, Sites usually have "-[NUMBER]" designations. If both Sites are dedicated to guarding SCP-XXXX (which is maybe a little excessive), you can use, for example, Site-19-A and Site-19-B (but obviously not "19" specifically) to show that they are two parts of the same site in different locations.
unmanned logistics vehicles
The Foundation have self-driving cars now? Wouldn't put it past them but it also feels a little too sci-fi for the setting?
Site's Containment procedure
"Site's Containment Procedures" or "Site's containment procedures"
Clearance Level 4
"Level 4 Clearance"
For this reason, the anomaly has been classified as ‘Ekhi’.
I'm unsure about this being here. You've already said in the ACS that SCP-XXXX is an Ekhi Class object, and unless it's a reclassification then you don't need to repeat it.
SCP-XXXX is a near perfect spherical area that is 9.19 kilometers in diameter as of last measurement, located in Pennsylvania. The affected area designated as SCP-XXXX consists of the former mining town Canterbury, as well as surrounding forests and hills.
"SCP-XXXX is a spherical area of land located in and around Canterbury, Pennsylvania. It is 9.19 kilometres in diameter as of [DATE]."
undergoing the rapid mitosis
"undergoing rapid mitosis"
Inorganic objects, like articles of clothing or jewellery, have been perceived to be unaffected
"Inorganic objects, including articles of clothing and jewellery, are not affected by SCP-XXXX"
Foundation medical staff specialized in mental health
The Foundation has a Psychology Department. "Psychology Department staff are to moniter SCP-XXXX-1 and -2 instances for signs of depression following the completion of the process."
Instances of SCP-XXXX appear to be immune to further duplication as long as both instances are alive and within the perimeters of the anomaly.
"Instances of SCP-XXXX are immune to further duplication, providing both instances are alive and within the perimeters of the anomaly."
Site Director of SCP-XXXX
You mentioned the Sites built before; Emily Masters is the Site Director of Site-X-A/B.
(proven by the fact that he is alive and well after over forty years in the service of the Foundation)
While this is technically true, the placement is a bit strange. Even if Masters is writing her personal notes, they've ended up in a Foundation report. I do not think a Site Director would write this, because they risk losing their job, and potentially their life, over it.
one of the senior researchers here
Masters is writing to herself. She knows who Mauritz is.
Dr. Mauritz’ move to sponsor my promotion
"Dr. Mauritz’s move to sponsor my promotion"
the staff member in charge of the everyday occurrences amongst the Security detail
Again, this is useful information for us, but you need to consider the format you're using. If Masters is writing to herself, she knows who her colleagues are.
except for some outliers with severe trust issues
"with the exception of a number of outliers with severe trust issues"
Addendum-1
This log is unnessarily long. There's a lot of new information about SCP-XXXX, -1, and -2 instances that we learn in this addendum but most of the content is filler content. I recommend cutting it down a lot and writing it in a different format (e.g. a letter or email) wherein it is directed towards another person.
NOTE
The note before the log lacks clinical tone in places and is mostly filler content.
Dr. Mauritz steps back, asking an inaudible question to Site Director Masters as solely the wind is picked up by the camera’s speaker.
"Dr. Mauritz steps back, speaking inaudibly to Dr Masters."
VIDEO LOG – SCP-XXXX INCIDENT-7
This could be a really great scene if it was actually written in the format. Cut out everything you don't need.
[Two SCP-XXXX Instances of Site Director Dr. Masters]
Dr Masters is not an SCP-XXXX instance. She is both an SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2 instance, in the way you have written it. It may be simpler, since the clones are fully identical, to refer to them both as SCP-XXXX-1 instances.
Rebecca and her click
"Rebecca and her clique"
Addendum 4
The only difference between these two notes is the coffee/tea thing. This is a very long log to have to read twice when it has no important differences. I suggest having it once, with an additional note saying that both the texts were the same save for [X Details].
Overall, I don't know how I feel how this one. I like the idea but there's too many words and it makes for slow pacing and a lack of narrative progression. Cut it down (get rid of any unimportant or repeated information) and keep your clinical tone tight. I know there's room for more addenda here, so I am taking into consideration that isn't finished, but currently I can't see it going anywhere exciting yet. I'm happy to take another look once you've made major changes.
Wow! You flipped a card and got: Comic 1!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 06:49
[
Wow! You flipped a card and got: SCP-XXXX!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 01:26
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5192 is to be secured in a locked titanium box, inside a completely steel cell, 2m x 2m x 3m. No researcher or agent can encounter SCP-5192 without permission from the head researcher.
Description: SCP-5192 is a mid-century Victorian book, 10in x 5in x 4in, around 17oz. in weight, with approximately 300 - 320 written pages. SCP-5192 appears to be worn down and old, and has a appearance of a mid-renaissance era book. The date at which the book was written is unknown currently. The book is currently indestructible and has no known way of destruction. An entire description of the book's details are CLEARANCE LEVEL 5, and will not mentioned in this document, only a brief description shall be presented.
SCP-5192's contents consist of 3 sections each one describing advanced mathematics, physics, and philosophy.
Section 1:
The first section of SCP-5192 are pages filled to the bottom of equations to solve physics beyond our humanly knowledge. They even tell on how to do said equations. Many who have read this section say that some of the equations and theories presented in the book are "impossible to be done on Earth, but could have properties in other places besides our world". The ██████████ have pronounced the content in Section 1 as memetic and all personal who read it must be terminated within 24hrs, unless in a case of special researching after the 24hr point, which must be permitted by the Head Researcher.
Section 2:
The second section of SCP-5192 are stories of animals and humans in the format of a Children's book. Section 2 is approximately 10 stories, that all around 10 pages long. The pages are formatted with a drawing of the characters with text around them, telling the story. Even though it is in the appearance and nature of a Children's book, Section 2 is filled with many philosophical questions and ideas. For example, the 4th story in Section 2 is about nihilistic views and how they can harm others presented around you. The main storyline of the tales pertain 2 characters, with a problem. At the end of each story they either fix it, or don't. This leads for very realistic and depressing stories. All tales in Section 2 are level 5 Classification and under all circumstances must not be read.
Section 3:
Section 3 was first recorded by Dr. ████ and Dr. ██████. It's connotations and pages are described as [DATA EXPLUNGED].
SCP-5192-1 and 2:
SCP-5192-1 and 2 are the people who have read SCP-5192. There are 2 paths someone takes after reading SCP-5192, if someone is of a higher IQ (130 above) or is constantly asking questions to themselves in a philosophical sense they will most likely become SCP-5192-1. If they are below the required IQ, and/or have "immoral" values they will become SCP-5192-2. In an experiment with Dr. █████, where the D-Class all spoke different languages, it can be noted that they had all turned into SCP-XXXX-1 or 2, despite the linguistic barrier. They are both to be terminated 48 hours after existing.
SCP-5192-1:
SCP-5192-1 is brought to existence after someone with a IQ of 130 and above, or is of great moral and philosophical value reads SCP-5192. SCP-5192-1 appears to still mentally be the person they were before but act more spastic and are uncontrollable. Their main goal appears to be to destroy SCP-5192 and SCP-5192-2. They are still able to speak and talk, and even in cases with people who have stutters and cannot speak properly, SCP-XXXX somehow changes their vocal chords, and allows even the mute to talk. If SCP-5192-1 does not destroy SCP-5192 in 48 to 52 hours after exposure, they will then try and kill themselves. Only at this point will they stop speaking English and start to speak gibberish.
Any SCP-5192-1 that exists must be contained and kept away from SCP-5192. After 40 hours after exposure they must be killed.
SCP-5192-2:
SCP-5192-2 is when someone below the IQ and moral value reads SCP-5192. They will all together stop speaking and become very protective of SCP-5192. They lose all linguistic abilities and values and have been known to make grunting sounds. They have also attempted to force D-Class Personal into reading SCP-5192, when they did not read it, SCP-5192-2 bashed the skulls of the D-Class into the ground, causing 2 D-Class to die.
Any SCP-5192-2 that exists must be contained and kept away from SCP-5192. After experiment, SCP-5192-2 must be terminated.
Interview with SCP-XXXX-1
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX-1
Interviewer: Dr. ████
<Begin Log>
Dr. ████: Hello there, may I ask some questions? This will only take 10 minutes
SCP-XXXX-1: (SCP-XXXX-1 nods at Dr. ████)
Dr. ████: Ok, well I'm going to start.
Dr. ████: So, can you briefly describe what SCP-XXXX is like? Give us information of the book, without telling us the actual information.
SCP-XXXX-1: Well… It's the penicillin of our time. You get me?
Dr. ████: Ok, just clarifying… by that you mean SCP-XXXX will advance human technology?
SCP-XXXX-1: (SCP-XXXX-1 nods at Dr. ████)
SCP-XXXX-1: I mean, everything we know of our physics and math, all wiped off the table with this, but It's not some Sci-Fi horror, no, no, no, it's like a math textbook, but with stuff that they don't teach you in high school, or college either.
Dr. ████: So, what could humans do with the information inside of SCP-XXXX. Can it cure the worst diseases and solve the hardest philosophical questions?
SCP-XXXX-1: Yes, It can do all that and more, but…
Dr. ████: Yes?
SCP-XXXX-1: In the wrong hands, it could end continents at a time. Maybe even planets.
Dr. ████: Is that so?
SCP-XXXX-1: Yea, and I know how to destroy it, so please I ask you once more to let me do it, please. It will be the end of our humanity.
Dr. ████: I'm afraid we cannot let you do that.
SCP-XXXX-1: (SCP-XXXX-1 leans over the table and headbutts Dr. ████ in the face)
<End Log>
Closing Statement: After the incident, SCP-XXXX-1 was terminated by Security Personal, and Dr. ████ was brought to the med bay for further medical attention, and was told it was just a bloody nose.
[[footnoteblock]]
Wow! You flipped a card and got: Inertia_comrade!!! You ca reload the page or go to the next.
DATE: 06 Mar 2021 00:11
Special Containment Procedures
The Moonlight Shores Motel is to be monitored by guards and CCTV at all times. Any routes that lead to the Moonlight Shores Motel shall be closed off or re-routed away from the building.
All business and travel websites with listings for the Moonlight Shores Motel are to be monitored by Foundation-operated web analysis bot Gamma-09 ("BATESMOTEL") to remove any reviews that are related to Moonlight Shores.
Picture of SCP-XXXX's second floor
Description
SCP-XXXX is an elevator with a wooden interior (2.8m long, 2.8m wide, and 2.1m high) behind the Motel; Moonlight Shores. SCP-XXXX lacks important parts a typical elevator possesses.
These include:
- An elevator capacity sign
SCP-XXXX's cab contains five selection buttons and an unlabeled black button. When one of the numbered buttons is pressed, it takes the person to a floor that appears to be an ordinary hallway with a total of ten (10) rooms.
What are in those ten (10) rooms are still yet unknown and are awaiting testing.
Discovery
In ██████ Nebraska, 2010, SCP-XXXX was discovered by Adrian Luhardt Welles, the owner-manager of Moonlight Shores. It is believed that he is the only person that has encountered SCP-XXXX's anomaly. The Foundation has flagged him after reporting to the police. See Interview Log - 11/21/10.
Addendum XXXX-1:
After multiple attempts to open the doors, the usage of SCP-005 (The Skeleton Key) was authorized.
Addendum XXXX-2
To prevent losing SCP-005 during explorations. Keyholders were installed.
Date: 11/23/10
interviewee: Adrian Luhardt Welles
Interviewer: Dr. Richards
Foreword: Mr. Ludhardt enters the interview room with Dr. Richards.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Richards: You can sit right there, Mr. Ludhardt.
Mr. Ludhardt: Ok.
[Mr. Ludhardt sits in chair]
[Dr. Richards sits in chair]
Dr. Richards: Don't worry, Mr. Ludhardt. I'm only going to ask a few questions, and you'll be on your way.
Mr. Ludhardt: Well, I'm a busy man, you know? So, uh… let's make this quick. [chuckles]
Dr. Richards: [chortles] I don't doubt that, Mr. Ludhardt. [mumbles] Do not doubt that at all.
[silence]
Dr. Richards: [clears throat] Again, you're only here to ask a few questions, so to get started. May you please describe the events that led you to find the elevator?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah, I, uh, [coughs] was talking to one of my residents, and to be honest, the guy I was talking to was a real asshole, so I faked a phone call to go outside and take a smoke break. [sniff]
[Mr. Ludhardt begins quietly tapping the table with his index finger]
Mr. Ludhardt: So when I got outside, I went to the back of the motel, pulled out a cig, and, uh… I just started smokin'. While I was doing that, I saw the elevator. [coughing]
Dr. Richards: Are you all right, Mr. Ludhardt? Do you need any water?
Mr. Ludhardt: No, I'm— I’m good. It's just my lungs from all the smoking. It's a pain in the ass, but, uh… it’s the only thing that gets me through most days. Calms the nerves and whatnot.
Dr. Richards: Oh, I'm… I’m sorry to hear that. If you need anything, let me know, Mr. Ludhardt.
Mr. Ludhardt: You don't need to call me Luhardt. Never really liked that name. You can just, um… you can just call me Adrian.
Dr. Richards: [chuckles] Understood. [adjusts chair] I must ask, Adrian. Do you always go to the back of the Motel to smoke?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah, it's my favorite place to go when I need to relax.
Dr. Richards: Forgive me, but I'm a little— …well, I’m just confused about what you said. Since you always go there, why haven't you noticed the elevator before?
Mr. Ludhardt: Um, [clears throat] well, It was never there when I took breaks. It was just there this time.
Dr. Richards: So you're telling me that it teleported into your building?
[Mr. Ludhardt stops tapping the table]
Mr. Ludhardt: Look, man. [coughs] I don't know how it got there, all right? I go to the back all the time, but I've never seen that damn thing in my life until earlier ago. Can we just leave it at that?
Dr. Richards: Adrian, I'm— I'm not trying to anger you. I just want to know so my colleagues can write it down.
Mr. Ludhardt: Oh… sorry about that—I'm just kind of stressed, you know?
Dr. Richards: I-I understand. Let's just move on.
Mr. Ludhardt: [sighs] Sure, let's— …let's do that.
Dr. Richards: Ok, second question… [checks paper] what did you do after seeing the elevator?
Mr. Ludhardt: Well, um, curiosity got the better of me, and I just went inside. It was a pretty nice elevator, [coughs] though.
Dr. Richards: Did you tell anyone else about this elevator? Like, your employees?
Mr. Ludhardt: Nope, didn't tell anybody about it. Not even my employee, Sheila, and she's nosy as hell.
Dr. Richards: Good…. [clears throat] Ok, third question. When you arrived on the— Which floor was you on again…?
Mr. Ludhardt: The second floor.
Dr. Richards: Yes, of course. Thank you, Adrian… When you arrived on the second floor, what did you see?
Mr. Ludhardt: Well, I saw a narrow hallway. I can't remember how many rooms there were, but I think it was between 8 to 14. The place was slightly dim, and it had, uh… a musty smell to it? Yeah, it had a musty smell. There were also those candle-lamp thingies on the roof. What do you call them?
Dr. Richards: Chandeliers?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah, those things! But anyway, that's pretty much it.
Dr. Richards: Ok. Thank you. [checks paper] What did you do when you saw the rooms?
Mr. Ludhardt: I tried to open one of them, but it was locked. Me being a stupid guy, I tried to use my management key to open it. Thinking I— I could get in that way, but it didn't work, obviously. It needed one of those old-timey keys to get in, guessing from how the lock looked.
Dr. Richards: What did you do next?
Mr. Ludhardt: As a last attempt, I looked through the door's keyhole, and I, uh… saw something.
Dr. Richards: What did you see?
Mr. Ludhardt: I, um… shit…
Dr. Richards: Take your time, Adrian.
Mr. Ludhardt: I-I saw a room covered in human flesh. [coughs] Every object that was in there had flesh. The bed covers, the table, the floor; Everything. It was some Ed Gein type shit, you know? The place reeked of terrible smells, and the walls were covered with eyeballs moving in every direction. There was a variety of them too. Big ones, small ones, deformed ones, et cetera.
Dr. Richards: Hmm… well, I'm— I'm sorry you had to experience that. That must have been a pretty traumatizing sight for you to see.
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah, man. I was just… I was just shocked, you know? I haven't seen anything like that in person before. I only see most of that shit in, like, murder stories on tv or something. [mumbles] Yeah… something like that.
Dr. Richards: Mm-hmm, right. What did you do next? Did you immediately contact the police?
Mr. Ludhardt: Nope. Like I said, I was shocked, horrified. I-I just stood there, looking through the keyhole, staring at the eyes.
Dr. Richards: You just kept staring at them?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah, but then I noticed that one of the eyeballs was looking at me. After that, all of them were looking at me.
Dr. Richards: Really?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yep. All of them. Few seconds later, their pupils started shaking violently, and I heard distant screams in the room. It sounded like… like a woman was screaming? The screams kept getting louder until It was so loud that I thought it was 1 foot away from me. I quickly backed away from the door, and I heard a loud thud behind it.
Dr. Richards: I'm guessing this is the part where you got spooked and called the police?
Mr. Ludhardt: You're Goddamn right! [laughs] I was not gonna deal with that today. [coughs]
Dr. Richards: [chortles] Logical choice.
Mr. Ludhardt: [chuckles] Yep…
[silence]
Dr. Richards: Well, that's— That’s all the questions. I think we're done here. Thank you for your time, Mr. Lu— Adrian.
Mr. Ludhardt: [chuckles] My pleasure, man. I guess I’ll be on my way. And, sorry for snappin’ at you for that one question earlier ago. That was, um… that was my bad.
[Mr. Ludhardt stands up]
Dr. Richards: Adrian, wait a second.
Mr. Ludhardt: Ye-yeah?
Dr. Richards: Would you mind telling us which room this was? If you can't remember, that's all right.
Mr. Ludhardt: Actually, I do. It was, um… room, uh, 17. Yeah, Room 17. That's it!
Dr. Richards: Perfect! Again, we can't thank you enough for your co-operation today. You can leave now. Agent Ross will kindly escort your way out of here.
Mr. Ludhardt: Nice, It was a pleasure talking to you.
Dr. Richards: And to you! Goodbye, Adrian.
<End Log>
Test XXXX-A - 11/24/10
Subjects: SCP-XXXX
Procedure: D-94753 and D-87657 were instructed to put specific objects inside SCP-XXXX to see if there is a weight limit. These objects included:
5 100kg dumbbells
Five (5) 10-gallon buckets full of sand
Two (2) 10-gallon buckets full of gravel
Ten (10) cinderblocks
When D-94753 and D-87657 were done, they were then told to enter the elevator and go to the fifth floor.
Results: D-94753 and D-87657 safely got to the fifth floor without any interruptions and exited the SCP-XXXX.
Analysis: After Test-XXXX-A, we have concluded that SCP-XXXX has no weight limit.
Test XXXX-B - 11/24/10
Subject: SCP-XXXX
Procedure: D-94753 and D-87657 were instructed to attach a 10 mm rope to a pole and attach the other half into SCP-XXXX's cab to see which direction the cord goes. When complete, D-87657 was ordered to enter SCP-XXXX and select a floor.
Results: D-94753 has seen no increase or decrease in the rope's height after D-87657 selected a floor. When the doors open, the rope was cut in half and caught on fire. D-87657 was questioned if he felt any movement inside SCP-XXXX. D-87657 said no and stated that the only thing he felt and heard was the rope snapping when the doors closed.
Analysis: SCP-XXXX has the ability to teleport, which explains why SCP-XXXX was able to lift the objects in Test-XXXX-A.
Test XXXX-C - 11/25/10
Subject: SCP-XXXX
Procedure: A GPS tracker was installed by D-94753 inside SCP-XXXX's cab to locate where SCP-XXXX goes when teleporting to its floors.
Results: SCP-XXXX teleports to different places. These places are:
First floor: SCP-XXXX teleports to the east coast of Australia.
(Latitude: -24.651303952674958 and Longitude: 152.15832520470033)
Second floor: SCP-XXXX teleports to Southern Africa.
(Latitude: -33.28656814414804 and Longitude: 21.15821932270176)
Third floor: SCP-XXXX teleports to a remote forest in Northern Brazil.
(Latitude: -6.8704232106089504 and Longitude: -56.98740790675962)
Fourth floor: SCP-XXXX teleports to the North Pacific Ocean.
(Latitude: 45.78332781612784 and Longitude: -159.1919064542745)
Fifth floor: The GPS trackers say, "SIGNAL LOST" when D-94753 reaches the fifth floor.
D-94753 was equipped with a head-mounted camera and was tasked to explore SCP-XXXX's first floor.
<Begin Log>
[D-94753 arrives on the first floor.]
D-94753: Damn, there is a lotta doors here. Do I have to open them all?
Dr. Wickes: Unfortunately, no. We need SCP-005 to return to its containment area soon, so only open a few.
D-94753: Just a few? Ok, so… how much is a few, though? Like, three, four. Five?
Dr. Wickes: I do not know; How many rooms we will be testing today is decided by Dr. Ermant. When he gives us the order to stop, we'll stop. Understood?
D-94753: Got it. So am I just choosing doors randomly or…?
Dr. Wickes: Yes, but it's best if you start with the first one.
D-94753: Cool, but let's not start with an odd number. I heard that gives you bad luck.
Dr. Wickes: [sighs] Very well.
[D-94753 walks to room 02 and unlocks it]
[D-94753 puts SCP-005 on the key holder and enters the room]
D-94753: [mumbles] Damn.
Dr. Wickes: What do you see?
D-94753: Nothing. I-I can't see shit in here, but there’s a TV in the corner.
Dr. Wickes: Please go to the TV.
D-94753: yessir.
[D-94753 walks around Room 02]
D-94753: I can barely see shit in here. Where the hell is the light switch? Next time, put a flashlight on this thing. Jesus Christ.
Dr. Wickes: Try not to fall. We don't want you damaging our equipment.
D-94753: Wow, thanks, man. I appreciate your concern…
[few seconds past]
D-94753: Ok, I'm at the TV. What now?
Dr. Wickes: Try to turn it on.
D-94753: Can't see shit, but I'll try.
[D-94753 touches the TV]
D-94753: Dude, I don't… yeah, there ain't no power button. I’m checkin' the front, back, the sides, and I still ca—
[as soon as D-94753 finishes his sentence, the TV turns on]
D-94753: Oh, shit! Nice, it's on.
Dr. Wickes: Can you tell me what's being shown on the TV?
D-94753: It ain't showin' nothin'. It's just static.
[few seconds past]
[the TV goes out of static and displays a tutorial video of how to make an origami butterfly]
D-94753: Um… the hell is this?
Dr. Wickes: I do not know. Please keep watching.
[D-94753 continues to watch the tutorial until a woman says the following, "These are easy to make, but be careful! Try not to get cut!" The woman says the last sentence, repeatedly until the TV turns to static, and then immediately turns itself off]
D-94753: Wh-What the hell was that?
Dr. Wickes: Again, I do not know, but I think we've seen enough. Please exit the room.
D-94753: Gladly.
[D-94753 exits out of room 02 and grabs SCP-005]
D-94753: Weird…
[D-94753 stares at SCP-XXXX]
Dr. Wickes: Is there something wrong, D-94753?
D-94753: Not really. It's just… were the elevator doors always close when I went out? Like, did someone—? Did someone call it or something?
Dr. Wickes: It was probably one of the Agents that called it; it's nothing to worry about. Please select a door, D-94753.
D-94753: Um… ok.
[D-94753 walks over to room 04]
D-94753: I, um… I'm choosing this one, I guess.
[D-94753 unlocks the door to room 04 and places SCP-005 on the door]
D-94753: Oh, fuck me.
Dr. Wickes: What do you see?
D-94753: Th-The entire room is filled with butterflies.
One of the origami insects in Room 04 taken by D-94753.
Dr. Wickes: Interesting. Could you please enter the room?
D-94753: Bro, you serious? You expect me to go into a room filled with these things? Wh-What is wrong with you?
Dr. Wickes: There's nothing to fear, D-94753. Please enter the room.
D-94753: [mutters] Damn, man.
[D-94753 slowly starts stepping into room 04]
[silence]
D-94753: Wait a sec… yo, these aren't— These aren't real butterflies. They're made out of paper.
[D-94753 begins to let out a big sigh of relief]
D-94753: Oh, thank God.
Dr. Wickes: See? There's nothing to worry about. Now can you please describe what's inside?
D-94753: Shit, I mean… it's a small room. There's really nothin' to see here, except that the walls have a dirty yellow color; the carpet floor is brown, there're paper butterflies everywhere, and the roof has one of those long types of light bulbs. What do you call 'em again?
Dr. Wickes: Fluorescent tubes?
D-94753: Yeah, Those things. There're also holes in the walls, but don't make me put my arm inside one of them for God's sake…
Dr. Wickes: That won't be necessary, D-94753.
D-94753: Good.
[silence]
D-94753: Yeah, man, that's— That's pretty much it. Dunno what else to say. Sorry, I'm ain’t helpful enough.
Dr. Wickes: It's all right, D-94753. You're being extremely helpful right now, but I think we've seen enough in this room. Please exit Room 04.
D-94753: Wait. Before I leave, wasn't that TV lady talking about paper butterflies? I—
[D-94753 begins to look at one of the walls for a few seconds]
Dr. Wickes: Any reason why you stopped talking, D-94753?
D-94753: [Unresponsive]
Dr. Wickes: Are you all right, D-94753?
D-94753: I-I think I saw one of them move their wings.
[continues to look at one of the walls]
Dr. Wickes: D-94753, you have permission to leave the room. Please, l— [interrupted]
D-94753: There! It's movin' again. a few of 'em are movin' their wings too. Do you see that too, or am I just seeing shit…?
[D-94753 starts to get closer to the wall and then is swarmed by the origami insects]
D-94753: [Screams]
Dr. Wickes: D-94753, can you hear me?
D-94753: [yells] Get them off!
Dr. Wickes: [yells] Contact Agent Ace immediately!
[D-94753 starts to run towards the door and successfully escapes]
Dr. Wickes: D-94753, Can you hear me? Are you injured?
D-94753: I-I don't… I don’t feel too good.
[silence]
D-94753: I… shit.
[D-98567 loses Consciousness]
<End Log>
Instances of SCP-XXXX-04 in their dormant state.
D-94753 was found unconscious on the floor due to major blood loss. His entire body had multiple lacerations, and his clothes were torn. The equipment D-94753 was carrying was damaged, and the camera's lens had numerous scratches on it. D-94753 is now receiving medical treatment and is now being replaced by D-87657 to continue the expedition until he fully recovers.
Few of the origami butterflies (now referred to as SCP-XXXX-04) that were resting on D-94753's torso are now being contained at Site-██ for further research.
Update: Instances of SCP-XXXX-04 taken out of room 04 are kept in a 30cm x 15cm x 15cm glass box where they can be monitored and studied; After a day of SCP-XXXX-04 being in its inactive state. SCP-XXXX-04 became active and started flying around in their containment box. SCP-XXXX-04 began to scratch their containment box until they were barely visible. After a few minutes of SCP-XXXX-04 being in their active state, they immediately became inert, mid-flight. One of the researchers was asked to try and pick up one of the origami insects during its inert state. She began picking up one instance of SCP-XXXX-04 and was fine until she touched the edges of its left forewing and left a cut on her index finger. She then placed SCP-XXXX-04 back into its containment box and said its wings are "sharper than shattered obsidian."
It is yet unknown if instances of SCP-XXXX-04 can reproduce, but when more of the origami insects were removed from Room 04 for testing. More instances of SCP-XXXX-04 came out of one of the holes on the walls and took their places 30 minutes later.
Update: SCP-XXXX-02 is a brandless TV, similar to RCA TVs in the early 2000s. SCP-XXXX-02 was later moved to Site-██ and is to be kept in a dim-lit room to view SCP-XXXX-02's screen.
Multiple attempts to trigger SCP-XXXX-02's anomalous effects have failed, and testing is now temporarily at a halt until authorization is given.
D-87657 was equipped with a head-mounted camera and was tasked with exploring SCP-XXXX's second floor.
<Begin Log>
[D-87657 arrives on the first floor]
D-87657: Ok, I'm here, but I don't understand why I'm on the first floor. I thought I was supposed to be on the second?
Dr. Wickes: Do not worry, D-87657. You are only here for an experiment. Please go to room 02
D-87657: Sure.
[D-87657 walks towards room 02 and notices dry bloodstains near room 04]
D-87657: Um, Doc… why is there blood on the floor?
Dr. Wickes: It’s none of your concern. Please enter room 02.
D-87657: I— …You know what? I don’t really care.
[D-87657 unlocks room 02]
[D-87657 enters the room]
D-87657: Jesus, It's dark.
Dr. Wickes: There's a TV in the left corner of the room. Go to it. We have installed a flashlight on your camera, so please use it.
D-87657: Sure
[D-87657 walks to the TV]
D-87657: Ok, what now?
Dr. Wickes: Just wait…
[few seconds past]
[the TV turns on]
D-87657: Oh, shit! that's cool! What is this, some type of magic act? [chuckles]
Dr. Wickes: No.
D-87657: Oh… Then what the hell is it then.
Dr. Wickes: Just keep watching the TV.
D-87657: Ok, sure.
[few seconds past]
[the TV goes out of static and presents a man running through a cornfield]
D-87657: Ok? What's so special about th— [interrupted]
Dr. Wickes: Please, keep watching.
[D-87657 continues to watch the man run for a few seconds]
D-87657: Jesus, sounds like me when I run. [chuckles] But seriously, though, any idea why this dude's running?
Dr. Wickes: I do not know. Please, keep watching.
[after a few seconds, the man looks behind him and yells the word, "shit," and begins panicking]
D-87657: Um…. he, um… he sounds like me…
[The TV slowly turns to static and gunshots and screams from the man are heard before the TV immediately turns itself off]
D-87657: What the hell?
Dr. Wickes: Thank you, D-87657. Your task here is done. Please exit the room and go to the second floor.
D-87657: Wait, what? You're— You’re not gonna explain what was happening with the TV and what all the other shit was?
Dr. Wickes: Unfortunately, I can’t explain, but it's nothing to worry about. It's just a little experiment. Exit the room, please.
D-87657: [sighs] Got it… [mutters] Don't even get a damn explanation. Un-fucking-believable.
[D-87657 walks out of Room 02 and enters the SCP-XXXX]
[D-87657 arrives on the second floor]
D-87657: Damn… Smells like a whole-ass ashtray in here. Let’s just hurry up and get this over with. So, what’re we doin’?
Dr. Wickes: To get started, choose any door you wish to open.
D-87657: Oh… ok, didn't think you'll be given me a choice, here. Alright, cool, Imma choose this one.
[D-87657 walks to Room 13]
D-87657: Yeah, this was definitely a good choice. This gotta be a special one since it has something on the door, Right?
NOTE: The door D-87657 saw had the words "Fools' Room" engraved on the top rail.
[D-87657 unlocks room 13 and puts SCP-005 on the key holder]
[D-87657 opens door]
D-87657: Yo, what the…?
Dr. Wickes: What do you see?
D-87657: It's a room full of fucking clown paintings.
Dr. Wickes: Interesting. Could you please enter Room 13, D-87657?
D-87657: Shit, I don't want to. But I guess I ain't got a choice.
[D-87657 enters the room 13]
[As soon as D-87657 entered the room, The clown oil paintings started to smile]
D-87657: Um, Doc… they're all smiling at me.
Dr. Wickes: They're clowns, D-87657. They're supposed to.
D-87657: No, that's— That’s the thing, though. They're all looking at me with creepy grins and shit. Like— Like this one.
[D-87657 walks to one of the oil paintings]
D-87657: I dunno, man. This shit's gettin' weird and— …and, uh…
[D-87657 remains silence]
Dr. Wickes: Any reason why you stopped talking, D-87657?
D-87657: [unresponsive]
Dr. Wickes: D-87657?
D-87657: The painting. It's trying to talk to me.
Dr. Wickes: What is it saying?
[D-87657 starts to look at one of the oil paintings in silence for a long period of time]
Dr. Wickes: Is it trying to tell you something?
D-87657: Yeah, but I can barely hear it. It's just whispering.
[silence]
D-87657: Ah, shit. Really…? Fuck.
[silence]
D-87657: Jesus…
[silence]
D-87657: I'm sorry, man, but there's really nothing I can do. I can't help you.
[silence]
[The oil painting begins to frown and cries uncontrollably]
[silence]
D-87657: I'm sorry, but it's true. Like, what the hell do you want me to do?
NOTE: It seems the oil painting tries to damage itself with its tears but fails.
Dr. Wickes: What did it say?
D-87657: It said that it needed help and was trapped inside the painting for so long. It wanted to be let out.
Dr. Wickes: Hmm. I see.
[D-87657 continues talking to the oil painting]
D-87657: Um… you mind telling me why you're a painting? How did you even turn into this, man? That's my question.
[silence]
D-87657: [to Dr. Wickes] It's not talking to me anymore. It’s just crying.
Dr. Wickes: Can you speak to the other paintings?
D-87657: Nope, the others are crying too. Creepy as hell.
Dr. Wickes: [mumbles] Interesting.
Dr. Wickes: Thank you, D-87657. You may now exit the room.
D-87657: Dude, when do we stop? This shit’s just gettin' weird.
[D-87657 exits room 13]
Dr. Wickes: Before you select another, please go to room 17.
D-87657: Ok. Why, though?
Dr. Wickes: I want to see if it’s true about what it contains.
D-87657: um… is it bad?
Dr. Wickes: No, it is not, but please do not panic after you see what's inside. [muffles mic] Hope he has a strong stomach. [chuckles]
D-87657: Ya makin' me nervous, man.
[D-87657 walks towards room 17]
D-87657: [mutters] fuck me…
[D-87657 unlocks the door and slowly opens Room 17]
D-87657: Hell, I don’t know. I'm gonna choose… the middle one.
[D-87657 walks towards room 17 and unlocks it]
[D-87657 opens the door]
D-87657: Holy shit!
Dr. Wickes: What do you see?
D-87657: I'm outside, I think.
[D-87657 walks into room 17]
D-87657: Holy shit, I am! I'm outside! I can't believe it!
Dr. Wickes: Please don't get any ideas, D-87657. If you attempt to leave, you'll be hunted down and will be terminated. Understood?
D-87657: Come one, doc, don't be like that. After everything, we've been through, I ain't gonna leave… well, I'm only gonna ditch y'all for a few minutes, then I'm gonna come back.
Dr. Wickes: D-87657, please…
D-87657: Chill, I'm just jokin’, man. Christ, no wonder why no one likes you.
Dr. Wickes: [sighs] Enough of your jokes. Look around, and see if you can find anything.
D-87657: [chuckles] Whatever.
[D-87657 walks around]
D-87657: There's a paper ball on the ground.
[D-87657 picks up the paper ball]
D-87657: Mm-mm-mm. Littering…
[D-87657 opens paper ball]
D-87657: Oh, shit, it's a note.
Dr. Wickes: What does it say?
D-87657: I have a camera on my head, right? you can see it from here.
Dr. Wickes: Read it.
D-87657: [sighs] Jesus, man, why so demanding? Fuck…. Fine, I'll read it, damn. it says—since you can't read it yourself…—
"I let you guys stay here rent-free and let y'all make abominations for God knows what you use them for, and you want to fuck me over by making me one of them 'cause I made the mistake of letting one get out? That just downright pisses me off and you wanna know how I know this? I overheard you guys talking about what was gonna happen to me after the meeting. Do y'all realize how much shit I'm in right now? The police are on my ass about the missing people, and you wanna make it worse by screwing me for something I had no control over?
Kiss. My. Ass."
[D-87657 proceeds to crumple the note and throw it into the hallway]
D-87657: There, I read it—ok, what else?
Dr. Wickes: Thank you. Is there anything else you see?
D-87657: Nah, but there’s a house. It's very far away, though.
Dr. Wickes: Hmm. Please go to the house, D-87657.
D-87657: Really…? Damn, man, can we just call it a day?
Dr. Wickes: Go to the house. That’s an order. And besides, you need your daily exercise anyway.
D-87657: See? Good! If you keep joking like that, you're bound to get a few friends!
Dr. Wickes: That wasn’t a joke. Get moving.
[after 11 minutes of walking, D-87657 reaches the abandoned house]
D-87657: I'm— I'm here. Holy— Holy fuck, my feet are killing me!
Dr. Wickes: Thank you, D-87657. May you please go inside the house?
D-87657: What? You serious…? My man, You had me walk to this empty house for God knows how long while the Sun’s heat is hitting my fucking face. Give me a second to rest. Damn…!
Dr. Wickes: You can rest after you do what I ask. Go inside, please.
D-87657: [sighs] God damn it.
[D-87657 enters the house]
Dr. Wickes: Do you see anything?
D-87657: It’s an abandoned house. There isn’t really a lot of stuff to look at. Full of useless shit—Can I rest now?
Dr. Wickes: Is the second floor accessible?
D-87657: Um… yeah, there's, uh… there's some stairs.
Dr. Wickes: Go to the second floor, please.
D-87657: [wipes sweat off face] Fine…
[while D-87657 was walking up the stairwell, he breaks one the of tread he stepped on]
D-87657: [yells] Ah, shit! Son of a bitch!
Dr. Wickes: Are you all right, D-87657?
D-87657: Shit. I’m—I’m good. My leg fell through the Goddamn step! [mutters] Old-ass house.
[D-87657 continues to go up the stairs and reached the second floor]
[D-87657 starts to look around]
Dr. Wickes: Do you see anything?
D-87657: Nope. Place’s hella empty. Again, It’s an abandoned house. Like, [chuckles] what do you expect to see? This is just a big waste of time. Can I, just, go back…?
Dr. Wickes: …So… nothing…?
D-87657: No, nothing. Nada.
Dr. Wickes: Well, in that case… I suppose you can come back and select another room. Thank you, D-87657. You can rest if you please. Getting back may be a little tiring.
D-87657: Way ahead o—
[muffled gunshot]
D-87657: Shit, you hear that?
Dr. Wickes: I did. Please go back down and investigate.
[D-87657 goes downstairs]
D-87657: Ain’t nothing here. Outside, maybe…?
[D-87657 exits the house]
D-87657: Jesus, I know it's an abandoned house, but who or what trashed this place? There're wood planks everywhere.
[D-87657 walks around the rear end of the house]
D-87657: Ay, It probably came from this little house thingy.
Dr. Wickes: “little house thingy?” That's a cellar, D-87657.
D-87657: [smacks lips] Man. Cellar, little house thingy, who the hell cares…? I'm checkin’ it out.
[D-87657 enters the cellar and climbs down a ladder]
[D-87657 walks downstairs]
D-87657: Ooh… Jesus…! This dude off'd himself!
Note: D-87657 finds a man in a sitting position dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The gun the man shot himself with was a 9mm Beretta 92 in poor condition.**
[D-87657 walks towards the body]
D-87657: [shakes head] Mm-mm-mm… not a great sight to see, but, um…. [sighs] I mean. You won’t need it, Right?
[D-87657 picks up the pistol and begins wiping the blood off with his jumpsuit]
D-87657: Sorry, buddy…
Dr. Wickes: Please put that down, D-87657. That's an order.
D-87657: You know what, doc? I think I've had enough with these orders and shit—how ‘bout you shut the hell up and stop telling me what to do, all right? [chortles] Damn, it feels good to be in control for once!
Dr. Wickes: [rubs face] Oh, dear God. [yells] D-87657, please think logically! You’re in the middle of nowhere with no food, no water, and has nowhere to go for shelter except for this house! If you put the gun down where it was and do what I ask, you will not be designated for termination!
D-87657: [scoffs] Termination? Really? You know what? Fuck you! I'm taking my chances out here. You and the other people that are in that room can kiss my ass!
[D-87657 starts looting the man's corpse and removes his equipment]
D-87657: [distant] There’s still bullets in here! Good shit!
Dr. Wickes: [yells] D-87657?
[D-87657 leaves the cellar and starts laughing hysterically]
Dr. Wickes: God damn it…! [distant] See, th—! This is why we need to start putting bomb collars on these damn D-Class! This ridicu—!
[no further audio was recorded]
D-87657 designated for termination…
<End Log>
Agent Ace and Agent Rhegan—from the security unit, hotel-06—were tasked with finding D-87657 and SCP-005. When they arrived at Room 17, Agent Rhegan reported that SCP-005 was missing from the keyholder. It is presumed that when D-87657 saw what was inside Room 17, and secretly took SCP-005 and entered the room.
Fortunately, D-87657 did not lock Room 17 after entering, so retrieval of SCP-005 was possible. See Retrieval Log-005.
The following audio was recorded by Agent Ace (A-1) while he and Agent Rhegan (A-2) were searching for D-87657.
<Begin Log>
[14:48]
A-1: We've made it to the house, sir.
Dr. Wickes: Good. Agent Ace, please go inside the cellar and collect the equipment.
A-1: Yes, sir.
Dr. Wickes: And you, Agent Rhegan. Check for anything that will help us find D-87657.
A-2: Yes, sir.
[A-1 enters the cellar and sees the equipment]
A-1: Sir, I see the equipment, but there seems to be something under the man's leg.
[A-1 picks up the object from the man's leg and collects the equipment]
Dr. Wickes: Well… what is it?
A-1: It's a journal, sir. [flips through the journal's pages] Not a lot of stuff written in it, though.
Dr. Wickes: It doesn't matter. Good job, Agent Ace. Please leave the cellar.
A-1: Yes, sir.
[A-1 exits the cellar]
A-1: [yells] Agent Rhegan, did you find anything yet?
[silence]
A-2: [yells] Haven't found shit.
A-1: [mutters] Damn…! [to Dr. Wickes] There are no traces of D-87657. We'll expand the search, but I doubt we'd find anything.
Dr. Wickes: [sighs] all right—please continue.
[15:01]
Dr. Wickes: Anything?
A-2: No, sir.
Dr. Wickes: Are you sure?
A-1: Well… we see a cornfield. There’s a chance he probably went thataway.
Dr. Wickes: Cornfield…? Cornfield, of course! Go there.
A-2: Roger that. [to A-1] Let's go.
[15:04]
[A-1 and A-2 reaches the cornfield]
A-1: We're here—Waiting for your orders, sir.
Dr. Wickes: Good. Enter the cornfield.
A-2: Are you sure about this? How do we know if he actually went through here?
Dr. Wickes: [sighs] It's quite hard to explain, but I'll try to elucidate. D-87657 saw someone running in a cornfield on a TV in one of the rooms. I presume that was D-87657 himself running from something, and it caught up with him from the screams he heard from the, said, TV. If you search the cornfield, you might find D-87657.
A-2: I-I get what you're sayin’, sir. But— But this doesn’t seem very logical. There's no way in hell we're gonna find him in this giant field. We're gonna need a crap-load of luck to even find one of his shoes.
Dr. Wickes: Please, just, enter the cornfield, and search for him—trust me.
A-2: [trills lips] Yes, sir.
A-1: Should we split up?
Dr. Wickes: Yes, and before you enter. D-87657 is carrying a weapon, so please be cautious.
A-2: [sighs] Got it. [to A-1] I got a bad feeling about this, man.
A-1: Jesus, Rhegan, relax. We're only splitting up…. Ok, how 'bout this… If you find the D, kill him—obviously—and fire your rifle, so I can locate where you are, and I'll do the same, vice versa. Cool? Gonna be a cakewalk.
A-2: Yeah, yeah. Cool… good luck.
A-1: You too.
[15:10]
A-1: Holy shit! Holy—! Sir, I found the Class-D!
A-2: Really? Shit! Shoot your gun, and I'll get there as soon as possible!
A-1: Roger that!
[gunshots]
A-2: Nice, I hear you. You're not too far. I'm coming.
Dr. Wickes: Is he dead, Agent Ace?
A-1: Yes, sir. The target has already been neutralized. I don't know who killed him, but whoever did it messed him up—Jesus, He’s barely even recognizable!
Dr. Wickes: Really? Can you elaborate?
A-1: Well, there are deep lacerations and bite marks all over his face and neck. Mauled to death by an animal, most likely.
Dr. Wickes: Hmm, well, keep your guard up, you two. This creature still might be around. Also, Agent Ace, have you searched D-87657 to see if he's carrying SCP-005?
A-1: Oh—! No, I haven't. Searching now…
Dr. Wickes: Thank you.
[A-1 searches D-87657's body]
A-1: [mutters] Son of a fucking bitch!
Dr. Wickes: Excuse me? What’s wrong?
A-1: I-I'm sorry, sir, but he doesn't have SCP-005 on him. Let's face it: he probably lost it while running. It could be anywhere by now.
Dr. Wickes: [mutters] damn…! [sighs] It's all right. Return to Moonlight Shores. If we get more people and the right equipment, there might still be a chance to find SCP-005.
A-1 Yes, sir. [yells] Agent Rhegan, are you near?
A-2: [yells] Yeah, I'm coming. Can't see shit through this field!
A-1 [mumbles] tell me about it. [chuckles]
[15:12]
A-2 Ok, I'm here.
A-1 Took you long enough. Come on, we gotta get ba— [interrupted]
A-2 My God, you were right. That thing did mess him up. Jesus! His face looks like a piece of grilled steak.
A-1 [chortles] Right? The thing practically did our job for us! And he stinks too. He looks like h— [interrupted]
Dr. Wickes: Can you two please stop joking around, and get back to Moonlight Shores? You two do realize that this creature is possibly still around, and can and will try to kill you? We can't have any more deceased or injured agents when the situation could've been easily avoided. Understood?
A-1 Yes, sir. We got carried away, and we apologize for that. We're returning to Moonlight Shores n— [interrupted]
A-2 Wait, wait, wait. Do you see that?
A-1 What? Where? The fuck you talking about?
A-2 That thing right there!
[silence]
A-1 Oh, shit, You're right! The hell is that?
A-2: [mutters] ah, fuck!
Dr. Wickes: What is it?
A-1: Um, sir. I think something is watching us.
[rustling of grass]
A-1: Fuck, it's getting closer! [yells] Get back! [gunshot]
[growls are heard]
A-1: [yells] Get the hell out of here, you lanky bastard!
Dr. Wickes: What’s happening?
A-1: The thing ran away, but we’re not out of the clear, yet.
A-2: Damn, man! Ace, should’ve shot it dead when you had the chance. It’s probably pissed now—don’t wanna end up like our friend down— [yells] Ace, lookout!
A-1: Oh, sh—! [screams]
[sounds of overlapping gunshots and growls are heard]
Dr. Wickes: What's happening? Agents?
A-2: Holy—! Jesus Christ!
Dr. Wickes: Agent Rhegan, listen to me. What's happening?
A-2: It-It just grabbed Ace! I-I-I gotta go after him!
[A-2 starts running after A-1]
[distant screams from A-1 are heard]
A-2: [yells] Keep screaming, man! That's the only way I know where the hell you are—can't see shit! Wh-Why is this—? Why is this thing so fast…?
[few seconds past]
A-2: He's not yelling anymore!
Dr. Wickes: Agent Ace, Please respond. Can you hear me?
A-1: [unresponsive]
A-2: [mutters] Shit.
[15:07]
[heavy breathing from A-2]
A-1: I found a body, sir. It's not— It's not Agent Ace, fortunately.
Dr. Wickes: D-87657?
A-1: No, sir. It's hard to tell due to the— …Due to the corpse's decomposition, but I think the person is—well, was, female. What should I do now?
Dr. Wickes: [sighs] …Give up.
A-1: Sir?
Dr. Wickes: Give up on rescuing Agent Ace and abandon him. Report back to Moonlight Shores immediately.
A-2: What are—? Excuse me…? Jesus Christ, do you hear yourself right now? I-I can't just leave him here!
Dr. Wickes: Listen, I— [sighs] …Do you want to die, Agent Rhegan?
A-2: No, but I can’t ju— [interrupted]
Dr. Wickes: But, If you just keep running around aimlessly like prey and let that monster tear you apart piece by piece, then it won't matter if you save him or not. Please understand that abandoning him is your best course of action right now—losing one man is better than losing two.
[silence]
Dr. Wickes: So… what is it going to be?
[silence]
A-2: [mutters] Ah, fuck me!
[silence]
A-2: [sighs] God—! Shit…! Fuck, I guess you're right. I'm coming back… I'm—I'm so sorry, Ace…
[15:14]
[heavy breathing from A-2]
A-2: I'm here. Should I wait here until you send the rest of my unit?
Dr. Wickes: Absolutely. Go inside the cellar, and wait until they arrive.
A-2: Got it.
[A-2 enters the cellar]
A-2: God, wh—? What the hell was that? It just— It just swept Ace off his feet and just took him!
Dr. Wickes: Try not to think about too much—your unit is coming right now.
[15:36]
A-2: What the hell is takin’ them so fucking long?
Dr. Wickes: They said they were having problems with SCP-XXXX. They're calling it, but it's not responding.
A-2: What? Are you fucking kidding me? Now? It never— It never had any problems getting to a fucking floor, but now it's stuck for some reason?
Dr. Wickes: We still don't know how SCP-XXXX works, unfortunately. - You may be here for quite a long time, so I would get comfortable for the time being.
A-2: Yeah, it's hot as shit in here, and this dude’s body smells like a fucking hockey locker room. - Yeah, I'm definitely gonna get comfor— [interrupted]
[A-1 regains consciousness]
A-1: [coughs] Je-Jesus…! Argh, my head, fuck…! Wh-Where the hell…?
A-2: Thank God, you're alive!
Dr. Wickes: I see that you're alive and unharmed, Agent Ace—where are you at the moment?
A-1: Sir…? I-I don't know where I am. There're so many bodies… Oh, god, where—? [groans] My head…!
Dr. Wickes: "Bodies?"
A-1: Dead animals, man. They're everywhere. on trees, on the ground, everywhere… I-I gotta… I gotta get the fuck out of here. I see the field. I'm coming back.
A-2: Settle down, man, and wait for us. We won't be long.
A-1: Ok. Can't do anything with how I'm holding up right now—The thing just snatched and ditched me here. I'm kinda hurt, like… pretty badly… shit, my weapons. They're gone. Just my frickin' day!
Dr. Wickes: Well, stay where you are and rest somewhere safe. We'll worry about where you are when— [interrupted]
A-1: Wait, wait, shut it, for a moment. I-I hear something moving…
[silence]
A-1: Oh, my—! Give me a fucking break, please!
A-2: Ace…?
[sounds of growls are heard]
A-1: C'mon, give me a bre—! [mutters] God, please, help me…! [inaudible muttering]
[screams from A-1 are heard]
A-2: Jesus!
Dr. Wickes: I, uh… erm…
[Dr. Wickes disables A-1 audio]
Dr. Wickes: I-I'm sorry you had to hear that. Just stay c—
A-2: Can you stop telling me that, for fuck sake? I ain't gonna "stay calm." No disrespect, sir, but I just need some alone time, right now. - I need to think…
Dr. Wickes: …I understand.
[15:40]
A-2: Fuck it. I need some fresh air. I-I-I can’t with this smell.
[distant noises outside]
A-2: Wait, I hear something?
Dr. Wickes: Hmm…?
[sounds of growls are heard]
A-2: [whispers] Fuck, It's here! Tell them to hurry the hell up!
[no further audio was recorded]
After 14 minutes of trying to call SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX began working as usual and arrived at Moonlight Shores. Six (6) more members from Hotel-06 were sent to rescue Agent Rhegan. After entering Room 17, It was reported that a bipedal creature was seen near the door while holding SCP-005. The creature was later terminated after it attempted to attack one of the guards.
The creature (now referred to as SCP-XXXX-R17-1) is covered in black fur. When looking at the sides of SCP-XXXX-R17-1's skull, it possesses two (2) long protrusions, reminiscent of the extinct genus of lepospondyl amphibian, Diplocaulus copei Broili. SCP-XXXX-R17-1 is approximately 2.2 meters in height. Its left arm is 1 meter, and its right is 1.2 meters in length.
After X-raying and dissecting SCP-XXXX-R17-1's corpse, SCP-XXXX-R17-1 appears to show similarities towards human anatomy. These include hands and a hyoid bone, yet it's unknown how and why it has this feature and its function.
When MTF operatives started to retrieve the bodies of both D-87657 and Agent Ace, it was reported that D-87657's body was found two (2) decimeters away from the cornfield, and Agent Ace's body.
Note:
"Do we know how lucky we are to find SCP-005? That Class-D could've just went inside and locked the door, so we could never get to him. Did you guys not think about that, hmm? He could've talked about what we've been doing here to the "wrong people," and I think we all know who I'm talking about. Thank God that freak tore that bastard to shreds when it had the chance to, or else Dr. B████ would've been on all y'all's asses.
We can't take these types of risks, so from now on, a guard is required to hold on to SCP-005. And to add to that. A guard shall also be stationed on a testing floor to prevent idiots like him from running off. You guys are lucky that I'm even letting these explorations continue after all this neglectful behavior…" —Dr. C███
Addendum XXXX-3:
A brown leather journal was being held by Agent Rhegan after the Incident inside room 17. The man who initially was carrying the journal committed suicide after he was finished writing it.
He documented the events that led him to commit suicide inside the cellar, transcribed and translated below verbatim.
I borrowed this journal from Jeremiah. Ok, I didn't borrow it. I stole it while he was doing chores this morning. I shouldn't steal, I know, but to be honest. He wasn't gonna use it anyway. It's been like a month or two, and he still hasn't used it. I think he was gonna use it as a dream journal or something like that, but he forgot about it, I guess. So I'm just gonna put his journal to good use, and use it to write about stuff.
So to start, my camp isn't doing so great right now. There's no medicine, and we barely have any food to survive. Elijah thought it was a good idea to drink from the pond nearby. The dude got really sick the next day, and to make it worse. Charles is missing today. He said he was gonna look for some food when he left, but he never came back. It's been hours since he left. Maybe I should probably stop worrying. I know Charles. Maybe something caught his eye, and he just started to screw around. He's known to get distracted easily, and… Who am I kidding? He's most likely dead. No one takes that long to find food. That stubborn bastard should've never went alone. We're down to 9 people now. We can't lose anymore.
I'm gonna stay positive like I always do, but I'm starting to have doubts. Like, how long are we gonna last? There were fifteen of us, and now there's ten. Three died from roamers and the other two left. I mean, I don't blame them for leaving. This place has become so gloomy ever since we lost most of our supplies after moving here. I'm hoping it gets better soon.
If not… Well, to be honest, I don’t really know what to say, except, God help us.
Note: For now, it's unknown what exactly are "roamers," but it is believed to be the name of SCP-XXXX-R17-1's species that was recovered from Incident XXXX-R17.
Kinda sad Charles is gone. He was the only one that kept this place enjoyable during bad times with his snarky humor. Sometimes he pisses me off, but that kinda what made him special. Now that he's gone, This place just ain't the same no more…
Ever since Henry let me be the leader of this place after he died, This place just went to shit. I don't really know why he let me take control. I'm not really fit for being a leader. Shit, I have a hard time deciding if I want to get up in the morning. If I have a hard time with that, how am I suppose to make decisions under stressful situations? He should've let Shelly take over. At least She's a tad bit more responsible than me… Ok, that was a lie. She's a lot more responsible than me.
I know I can easily pass my leadership over to someone else, but there's something in my mind that tells me not to do that. Maybe It's because I don't want to let Henry down or something. I'd feel like an asshole if I do, but it's probably for the best.
I don't know. Maybe he saw something in me? Don't really know why, though. I'm a really boring person, to be honest. He trusted me a lot too. So much that he gave me his favorite gun before he died. I still use it just to remember him. The gun itself ain't pretty, but it still works just fine.
I hope you're doing well in Heaven, Henry, or wherever we go when we die. We miss you.
Roamers attacked our camp today. There were a lot of them too. I swear, I'm seeing more roamers now than before. It's actually pretty worrying.
Charles still hasn't come back to camp yet. I told Shelly and Reign to go out and find something edible and try to find Charles too. They're still looking. They've been gone for an hour or two, but I'm not really worried, though. They both know how to fend for themselves if they ever get into trouble with roamers.
Well… I hope they do…
Good News!
They found food, and they found Charles too! Thank God! He was lying next to a tree when they found him. He said that a roamer attacked him, but it left him alone after a few strikes. He's injured, but it's not too bad, so that's good.
It's weird, though. Usually, those things would try to kill you immediately if they saw you, but this one just… Let him go. I asked Charles about this, but he replied with, "this fucker wasn't your average roamer. This one was different." He kept describing what it looked like, saying it was covered with black fur, was walking on its two legs instead of walking on all fours, taller than a light post, and its head was shaped like a fucking boomerang. Creepy…
He said he saw it watching him behind trees while he was hunting. He tried getting back on his horse, but it got spooked and bucked him off. He ran, but it chased him and caught him. It roughed him up, biting him, scratching him, and then ran away.
I took him to his tent 'cause he definitely needed some rest, but after I did that. Shelly said that they met other people and were told that there are supplies inside some abandoned house just northeast of here. Just to be sure we could remember it, they gave us pink sticky notes full of directions where to go. We can't take their word for it, but we really don't have a choice.
They also gave us directions to a settlement named Purgatory! I think our luck is getting better now! I just need to plan how to do this. We should get the supplies first and then go to the settlement. It sounds good to me! Shelly said she was gonna get the supplies, so I might as well join her. I don't do anything around here except read books, so it would be great to get out of camp once in a while.
We're leaving in the morning, so I need to be ready. It's gonna be a long trip, but it's all gonna be worth it.
I just had a weird dream a few minutes ago. Most of the time, I can't remember anything in my dreams, but this one… was really vivid.
So, I woke up, and It was pretty silent. Not like the peaceful type of silence, but the type of silence you would hear when you’re inside an abandoned building alone. On my left, there was a Cornfield and my Lord, it was tall. I started to sit up and looked around, but just when I turned my head away from the field, I heard something. I immediately look to my left, and I saw a pair of eyes looking straight at me. I couldn't see it because it was hiding in the field, but it looked small because its eyes were the same height as mine.
I got up, and I slowly walked over to it. It wasn't even blinking. It was just watching me. I picked up a rock next to me, and I threw it at it to get a reaction, but it didn't work. Didn't even flinch. I decided to have the courage to walk a little faster, but I could hear it breathing more heavily and see its pupils becoming wider.
Once I was 3 feet away from it, It started to make garble noises like it was trying to speak to me. I wanted to say something, but for some reason, I couldn't. Even if I tried, I just couldn't get anything out; After a few seconds of me trying to let out a damn word. The creature stopped making noises, and it started to rise, like, it was getting taller. It didn't even break eye contact. Once the thing reached its true height, it started to approach me, slowly revealing itself, and then… I woke up.
That pretty much it. Louis woke me up because he said, "I was screaming in my sleep." Shit, I feel like… Well. Like shit. I'm covered in sweat, and I feel sick to my stomach. I think I’m going to stay up for a while. I only have a few hours left before Shelly and I leave to get those supplies. Don't know how I'm gonna keep myself busy, but anything is good to avoid dreaming that crap again.
I'm at the pond where Elijah got sick at. Bad idea, I know, but I just needed to go somewhere I could, you know? chill and get my mind off after that dream.
Don't really know what my problem is? Everyone has had bad dreams once in a while, so I don't really know why I'm all weirded out by this one. Maybe it's giving me a sign? I doubt it, but it is kinda cool to thin
[squiggly line]
Ok, didn't really have time to finish earlier. I was about to until I heard something hit the pond. I checked what the sound was, and I noticed the ripples in the water. I saw something in the reflections, but I couldn't make out what it was since it was so wavy. I looked up and heard the sound of bushes rustling and saw something moving between the trees. Me being a brave dude, I got up, took my journal, and… got the hell out of there. Call me a pussy if you like, but there's no way in hell I was gonna go over there and check out what it was. Nope. I took my ass straight back to camp.
We got attacked by roamers… again, so we had to delay our little "adventure" until we make sure they're actually gone. The attacks are getting worse. The bodies are piling up, and they're starting to smell. The only thing we can do is burn them, but if we do that, that'll probably attract more of those bastards (or burn the entire forest…). Soooooo, we're a tad bit screwed in the meantime. We just need those supplies, and we're out of here.
Now that I'm thinking about it. I think those guys were what I saw at the pond earlier. I doubt it because the thing I saw was really tall, but I haven't been getting any sleep today, so maybe I was hallucinating.
Welp, it’s nighttime, and we left camp. Shelly’s taking night duty since I haven’t gotten any sleep. Now that we left camp, I’m kinda feeling uneasy right now. Anything can happen out here. Just name it. Roamers? Yep! Thieves? Yeppers! A naked person trying to sell you tree bark? Probably, but you get my point…
I'm looking for some food right now. I'm bored out of my fucking mind out here. Nothing is out here. I've been waiting for, like, I don't know. An hour? And still nothing. NOTHING. I get it. I need to be patient. That's part of hunting, but it's not really considered "hunting" anymore when Roamers probably ate or chased away almost everything around here. The only animals I see are just squirrels and birds, and I'm not even gonna bother trying to catch those guys. Plus, I don't think eating squirrels is good for your health anyway. Then again, who am I to be a picky asshole right now?
[squiggly mark]
It's been an hour or so since I wrote in my journal. I was about to give up until I found a deer carcass. It's not decomposed or anything. It looked like it died recently, and there's a pink note on its leg. - I read the note; it said, "for you," and there's a little scribble on the back. It's a picture of a person beside a long black figure in front of a door. The guy is looking at the thing, and he looks… Sad? I mean, I would be sad too if some type of monster like that was standing right next to me.
Well, I wouldn't be sad. More, like, I don't know. Terrified? But who knows? That's just me. It's different for everyone, I guess.
I should probably get going. It’s tranquil out here, right now. (God, I hope I used that word right…) The birds suddenly stopped chirping for some weird reason. Sad. Their singing made the boredom out here a bit more bearable. Oh well, I need to get back to Shelly anyway. I got what I needed, so I’m out of here.
I’m still wondering, though. Where did the note and the deer come from? Is the person who gave me the note here, right now? I don’t really know, but I don’t really care, either.
Shelly is kinda busy looking at what we've found right now, so I might have time to write.
We're getting close, and we're almost out of the woods. I think I see a field in the distance. Shelly told me that the house was near some cornfield, so I think we’re going the right way.
So about what we found. There's a couple of roamers attaches to some trees, but it’s nothing out of the ordinary. This crap is common out here. It’s kinda like a tradition to do this. Some do it to piss those things' friends off, and some do it just to be doing it because "why not? :)" And some even do it to boost morale for the people who find them. It’s like one of those “Bilroy Was Here" type stuff, or whatever the heck you call it.
I don’t mind it, but my God. What they do to them is just terrible. For example, one of them is strapped to a tree. That's cool and all until you see that its limbs are all gone, and its stomach is busted open, like some piñata. You can even see its decomposed intestines growing fungi on the ground. There's another one, but its rotting head is on a stick. Jesus fucking Christ. This is the type of shit you would see in a serial killer's basement. And to make it a little bit worse. One of them is still alive.
I normally have no sympathy for these guys because they killed some of my friends, but this one I kinda feel bad for…
Like most of them, this one is tied to another tree. It's struggling to breathe because of the rope it's tied to, and it's looking pretty beat up. It's also tiny (I'm guessing it's a baby). I don't know what's gotten into me, but I decided it was a good idea to get closer to it and let it free for some weird reason.
I guess I was wrong about the whole "struggling to breathe" part because when I tried to get near it, it whimpered and started screaming its lungs out. I released the thing, and it fell to the ground. It was trying to get away from me, but it was dragging its back legs while it was doing it. Its legs were broken.
I killed it because I didn't want the thing to attract other roamers nearby, and I wanted to put it out of its misery. - It was for the best.
I get who the people who did this are coming from, but seeing this shit is not boosting my morale, whatsoever. But, to be fair, I can't really say the same about Shelly, though. She seems to be enjoying it. Shit, I've been writing for this long, so she's definitely enjoying it. A little bit too much, maybe? I should probabl
[in messy handwriting]
freak
trapped
help
key
door
freedom
revenge
[dry blood stains]
I'm under the house, but I don't even know how I got in here. I remember that I was writing in my journal, and I heard Shelly calling my name. I came to her and saw the tall monster in my dreams peeking behind a tree. It was staring at us and we starred back. After a few seconds of unbearable silence, The monster moved away from the tree it was hiding behind and started walking towards us. Its glare was bone-chilling. So chilling that I couldn't even move. Even though it was probably gonna rip us to shreds if I didn't do anything. Thankfully, Shelly pulled the hunting crossbow out of my bag the second it started moving and shot the thing in the arm.
The monster let out a huge roar and ran away. We thought we were safe until we heard growls behind us. It was roamers. There were, like, a dozen of them, I think. They saw us and the mutilated roamer corpses near us and attacked us on sight. I can't remember what happened next, but I remember us heading to the field. Luckily they're not really fast.
after we got there, we left our horses and hid for God knows how long. it felt like hours, even though it was probably like 11 minutes. My heart was racing because if one of them would've found us; It would've alerted the others, we were dead. We had to stay completely silent and not move a MUSCLE. A few painfully long minutes later, they lost interest and gave up. I thought we were good until I saw something behind Shelly. I could barely see it. I squinted my eyes and later learned that it was the monster Shelly shot earlier ago. I could see the blood dripping off its black-boney hand and its widening pupils. - It was pissed.
Shelly got worried at what I was looking at and turned around. As soon as she did, the monster sprinted at her, grabbed her by the feet, and dragged her deeper into the field. I didn’t know what to do, so I made the shittiest decision to leave her and get away from the thing as fast as possible. I don't know why I did it. I panicked. I remember hearing her screams and distant cries for help, but I kept running, and I hate myself for that.
After that, I tripped and hit my head on the ground. I think I knocked myself out. Don't know how long, though. The next thing I know, I'm somehow in the house's basement now. Don't know who put me in here, but he/she was kind enough to bring my backpack. Although, most of the stuff in my bag is gone and some of the pages in my journal are missing, too.
Thanks a lot, dick…
Those guys lied about there being supplies in here, but I don't really care anymore. It was too good to be true anyway. Like, "untouched canned food and water in an abandoned house for no reason?" Like, c'mon…
My headache’s getting worse, Shelly's gone, and all the important stuff I need is gone. I don’t know what to do now. I can’t go back. I'm trapped here.
Addendum XXXX-4
The previous Class-D test subject, D-94753, has shown physical improvements after the incident in Room 04 and is now available for testing on the second floor. The guard that will be watching over D-94753 to prevent the loss of both personnel and SCP-005; is Agent Rhegan from the security unit, Hotel-06.
D-94753 was equipped with a head-mounted camera and was tasked to explore SCP-XXXX's second floor.
<Begin Log>
[D-94753 and Agent Rhegan inside SCP-XXXX]
Agent Rhegan: So, uh… how you feelin' right now?
D-94753: Good, but these stitches are making me feel sore, though. But it ain't no b— [interrupted]
Agent Rhegan: Cool, cool… Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'm just gonna warn you, right here, right now. Don't do anything stupid, all right? Or you’ll end up like the guy that took your place.
D-94753: What—? What did he do?
Agent Rhegan: He bailed on us.
D-94753: Shit, really? He had a chance to leave? Shoot, he’s a lucky S.O.B!
Agent Rhegan: Don't look at it that way. He signed his death warrant by leaving. If he stayed and follow simple directions. He would still be here right now.
D-94753: True, but he— Screw it. Don't feel like getting in an argument right now.
[silence]
Agent Rhegan: Jesus, what the hell is taking this thing so long?
Dr. Wickes: Uh, there seems to be a problem with SCP-XXXX. — Just stay calm, and we’ll see what’s going on.
Agent Rhegan: So, you’re tellin’ us that it’s ain’t working again?
Dr. Wickes: I… suppose so, yes.
Agent Rhegan: God-fucking-damnit…! Really…? [mutters] Fuck!
Dr. Wickes: SCP-XXXX is probably not working temporarily, so please stay calm. — Give it some time.
Agent Rhegan: I am fucking calm! [to D-94753] Hey, you scared of being in elevators?
D-94753: Am I claustrophobic? Nah.
**Agent Rhegan:* Good, thank God. Don’t want no asshat to be havin’ panic attacks and shit Inside an elevator that's probably air-tight.
D-94753: I don't know shit about elevators, but if this thing is this big and it's air-tight; We probably have at least… thirty or forty hours in here. So, uh… you wanna talk about something else to pass the time?
Agent Rhegan: Not really.
D-94753: Oh, c'mon, man. Don't make this crap situation awkward than it already is. — Let's just have a little bit of chit-chatter. Who knows, we might learn something from it.
Agent Rhegan: Jesus… [sigh] ok, what do you want to talk about? Let's make this quick, all right?
D-94753: Nice. So, um… what—? What happened to that Jace or Chase dude you talk to all the time? When I and that other dude were doing those tests-things, You were talking to him, like, every time I saw you. Now I come back here, and he ain't there no more. What’s up with that? Did he call in sick or somethin’?
Agent Rhegan: [mumbles] Christ, you’re really gonna hit me with that? [normal voice] Ok, first of all. The man whom you’re talking about is Ace, and no, he did not “call in sick”. He died.
D-94753: Damn, That’s tuff. You know why he died?
Agent Rhegan: Why do you care?
D-94753: I don't. We're just two strangers having a friendly conversation. —Come on.
Agent Rhegan: Well… I can’t give too many details, but we were searching for, you know who, and one thing led to another and he, um… he died. That’s all you need to know.
D-94753: Hey, that's good enough for me. I ain’t gonna push it. Probably be better if I didn’t know, to be honest. [chuckles] You guys be doin’ some weird shit. But anyway, sorry for your loss, man.
Agent Rhegan: Thanks.
[silence]
D-94753: So, uh… we’re you and Ace friends, or, um… you know.
Agent Rhegan: What…? What ar—? Jesus! God, no! We were just buddies. Where the hell did you even get that from?
D-94753: Ey, I— I ain’t judgin’. All I did was just connect the dots, and it looked to me like you two were pretty close, so…
Agent Rhegan: Again, we were just buddies. [scoffs] “Connect the dots…?” How about I connect the dots in your head, so you can start thinking properly? Conversation's over.
D-94753: All right, all right. Chill, man. I was just saying.
[silence]
D-94753: [chuckles] I know you said we were done talking, but, uh… you and your friend remind me of someone I met before I got here.
Agent Rhegan: Hmm? And who's that, huh?
D-94753: I can’t remember what was his number, but I distinctly remember him telling me to call him Jago because he liked how it sounded.
Agent Rhegan: [chuckles] Jago? Really?
D-94753: Yep… Jago was… I’m not even gonna lie, He-He was a weird-ass dude, but he was really good at telling stories, though.
Agent Rhegan: Yeah? What type of stories did he talk about?
D-94753: Shit, there was a variety of them! One time he said he saved a woman from being mugged, and then he married her. And in another one, he said he saved puppies from being crushed to death by a garbage truck. I mean, his stories were definitely bullshit, but he was funny as hell.
Agent Rhegan: [soft chuckles] Yeah? What happened to this Jago dude?
D-94753: Honestly… shit, I don’t know. I remember at lunch, I was counting the new faces I saw in there, and out of nowhere, he comes to— [chuckles] He comes to me and says that one of the guys sitting in front of us was pissin' him off because he had a smudge on his glasses. He literally walked over to him and punched him right in the nose.
Agent Rhegan: Damn!
D-94753: Yep, I know. It was bad, too, man. Jago was a huge, bulky dude, so it completely messed his nose up when he hit him. Like, it was all bent and shit—it was nasty.
Agent Rhegan: Just from a smudge? Gah-lee!
D-94753: I know! He literally punched the taste out of his mouth. After that, his boys started to fight Jago. There were like 3 or 4 guys on him. Jago was big, but you can't fight 4 people at once, so I started helping him, right? After, after that, other people were helping their boys, and it turned into a giant fight. People were throwing food, spitting, all that. I should've took my shirt off before I started fighting because one guy came behind me, pull it up to my face, and blinded me with it—he beat my ass, not even gonna lie about that.
Agent Rhegan: Jesus, where the hell were the guards?
D-94753: Nah, they was there, but they couldn't do anything about it. There were only, like, two of them.
Agent Rhegan: What? what are you talkin' about? Yeah they could, They have guns. One warning shot and everybody's eating the floor.
D-94753: Eh, well… I guess they just wanted to see some action.
Agent Rhegan: Mm. [chuckles] Fair enough—so, let me guess, more guards came, took control of the situation, and that was it, right?
D-94753: Course. As you said, they came in, gave us warning shots, and I got down real, real fast. They didn't know what to do with us after, so they just arrested Jago, me, and the other people that started the huge fight and that was it. They took me back to my cell gave me some talk, saying you can't do this, that, blah-blah, I don't fuckin' know.
Agent Rhegan: Mm-hmm. And Jago…?
D-94753: Him…? Shit, honestly, I don't even know what happened to him—he didn't die, I know that for sure. He probably got moved to a different place… I hope. But I just wish he didn't do that dumb shit, though. But, truth be told, I did kinda egged him on a bit. Didn't think he'd actually do it! Th-That was my bad.
Agent Rhegan: Eh, well, it is what it is…
D-94753: Yeah…
[silence]
Agent Rhegan: You know, I was actually gonna stay here one night, one time. You know, the motel? But, uh, the place gave me the creeps, and I just got out of there. I guess that feeling was right, after all.
D-94753: Really? Do you live…? Wait, where are we?
Agent Rhegan: Ah, you're gonna forget this in a few days, so screw it—Nebraska is where we're at. Probably already known that because of how bad it smells, yeah?
D-94753: [chuckles] Oh. Well, do you live here?
Agent Rhegan: Nebraska? Nope. I just went there to do some "errands."
D-94753: Ah. What do you, uh, think about Nebraska, though? Not good because of the smell, right? [chuckles]
Agent Rhegan: No. No, Nebraska's pretty nice, actually. It may smell like roadkill sometimes, but the people here are kind, and Nature here is nice—if you're into that sort of stuff. It's just the rural areas that are not-so-good. They're full of bored, psychotic weirdos.
[1 hour later]
[overlapping laughter]
D-94753: Damn right! And the other thing about… about, uh…
Agent Rhegan: [chuckles] you good, man?
D-94753: Mm… you hear that…?
Agent Rhegan: …No…?
D-94753: You don’t hear people talking…? Take off the helmet, you’ll probably hear ‘em.
Agent Rhegan: My hearing’s fine. Whatchu talkin’ about?
//[D-94753 presses his ear against SCP-XXXX’s door]
Agent Rhegan: Ugh, you’re gonna get an ear infection doin’ that.
D-94753: Yeah, yeah, whatever…
Agent Rhegan: …You still hearin' something…?
[D-94753 remains silent]
[SCP-XXXX's doors begin to open]
Unknown 1: We gotta— [sighs] Fuck me…!
Agent Rhegan: The hell…? — You two, put your hands up!
Unknown 2: 'Ey, 'ey, take it easy, mister. Don't want to do anything stupid with it.
Agent Rhegan: Don't tell me what to do. You just keep your hands up and shut your mouth. [to Dr. Wickes] Sir, are you there?
Dr. Wickes: I'm sorry? What did I mi—? Oh… I see.
D-94753: What now?
Dr. Wickes: Just stay right there and keep them where they are. We're sending a few guards to your location.
Agent Rhegan: Roger. [D-94753] Get out the elevator.
[Agent Rhegan and D-94753 exits SCP-XXXX]
Unknown 1: I can hear the person you're talking to. Just calm down. You already have us. No need to bring more people in this mess.
Agent Rhegan: Don't tell me to calm down. — Who are you two? What are you doing here?
Unknown 1: You can tell that to the person right behind you.
Agent Rhegan: What? [turns around] What're yo—?
[before Agent Rhegan looks back at the unknown individuals, Unknown 1 quickly unlocks one of the rooms and escapes]
Unknown 2: Ah! [mutters] That asshole…!
Agent Rhegan: Shit!
D-94753: How did you fall for that…? Eef it, you got cuffs?
Agent Rhegan: Yeah, yeah, they're in my back pouch. Be my guest.
Unknown 1: C'mon, y'all, don't put cuffs on me. I got very sensitive wrists…
Agent Rhegan: Stop your complaining. [D-94753] Go. Hurry. Before he gets away, too.
[D-94753 collects the handcuffs walks up to unknown individual]
D-94753: Sorry, man. [to Agent Rhegan] — Always wanted to arrest people like a cop! [chuckles]
[silence]
Agent Rhegan: Did you—? Did you cuff ‘em?
D-94753: Almost. I just need to, um… There! We’re good.
Unknown 1: It’s kinda tightening a bit. — Is that bad?
Agent Rhegan: Oh, my God. You gotta— You gotta double lock the thing. You’re gonna give him nerve damage if you don’t. — Loosen the cuffs, and lock them.
D-94753: All right… wait, where is…?
Agent Rhegan: It’s on the right side of the cuffs. — Hey, you just want me to do it?
D-94753: Nah, man, it’s all good… just, um… chill for a sec.
[D-94753 successfully detains the unknown 2]
D-94753: Cool. I got it.
Agent Rhegan: Sir, we detained one, but the other got away.
Dr. Wickes: Eh, Good enough. Now we'll know what the hell is going on here. Return to Moonlight Shores.
Agent Rhegan: Hey, Jerkoff, get moving. Elevator. Now, go. [D-94753] I appreciate our little chat, earlier, but for now on, let's just act like we never spoke to each other, ok? We're not allowed to befriend D-Class. Not even become their acquaintance.
D-94753: Cool with me. Good talkin' to ya.
Agent Rhegan: Uh-huh…
[End Log]
The unknown man was later sent to Site-██ for interrogation. A DNA test was given to the man and was confirmed to be Chris Ortiz Scallion; A man in his mid-thirties who was reported missing in 2009 and was presumed dead, after the fact. Ortiz was last seen entering his room at Moonlight Shores at 8:54 PM. After his disappearance, police entered his apartment to search for DNA evidence. After no suspects or leads to help move the investigation, the case was left yet unsolved until more evidence is found.
Date: 11/26/10
interviewee: Chris Ortiz Scallion
Interviewer: Agent Tusct
Foreword: After one (1) hour of waiting, Agent Tusct enters the interrogation room.
<Begin Log>
Agent Tusct: Sorry for the wait, Mr. Ortiz, paperwork around here is bi— Well, it's not very nice.
Mr. Ortiz: Mm…
Agent Tusct: Ok, let's not waste any more time than we need to. Who do you work for?
[Mr. Ortiz remains silent]
Agent Tusct: A cult? The government…? What…?
[Mr. Ortiz continues to remains silent]
Agent Tusct: …Come on, man, you have to say something, eventually. Again, who do you work for?
Mr. Ortiz: [unintelligible]
Agent Tusct: I'm sorry?
Mr. Ortiz: [unintelligible]
Agent Tusct: I can't hear you. You need to start sp—
Mr. Ortiz: leave me alone. Can I just plead the fifth?
Agent Tusct: I'm sorry, you can't. If you don't say anything, you'll be here for a long time. And when I mean a long time, I mean a very long time. You're under our custody, which means, we can keep you here for hours, days, months. We'll keep you here as long as we need to. What we're doing is legal… well, most of it is. [chuckles]
Mr. Ortiz: What are you gonna do to me?
Agent Tusct: Well, to be truthful with you, it ain't nothin' nice after what I just said.
Mr. Ortiz: [mutter] oh, lord.
Agent Tusct: Now… we ain't— We ain't gonna torture you, so you can erase that off your worry list. Besides, we're not into that stuff. A few are but we tell them to keep that to themselves…
[Mr. Ortiz remains silent]
Agent Tusct: Now, I know… I get it: You're in a facility, probably in the desert of █████, full of a Variety of degenerates like me. Some smart, some stupid, et cetera. But you need to start talking. It’ll be good for us and you if you do.
[Mr. Ortiz continues to remain silent]
Agent Tusct: Look, I’m your friend, all right? I’m the only one that wants to help you get out of here as soon as possible. [points at observation window] Them, right there? They want to keep you here and become a prisoner. Now, I-I don’t want that to befall on you, so please let me help you.
Mr. Ortiz: I… [groans] I don't have a choice, do I…?
Agent Tusct: [makes an upward hand gesture] Up to you, my friend. I just want to help.
Mr. Ortiz: [sighs]…You know what…? I’ll say anything to get me the hell outta here.
Agent Tusct: See? Good! That’s more like it! If you keep that up, you can leave, and maybe I can get a promotion! [chortles] Hey, even better, we’ll also deal with your, “gone for 1 year and then came back in some magic hallway” problem. Speakin’ of that. You wanna tell me why you’ve been gone for 1-dang-year?
Mr. Ortiz: Look, sir. I don't remember much.
Agent Tusct: Ok, then let me start you off. "You go into your motel room. For some reason, someone comes into the room without breaking in, and then poof. You're gone. No fingerprints on the doorknob, no DNA of your assailant anywhere. Nothing." - Does that help you remember?
Mr. Ortiz: No. What? Don't even remember getting a room or getting kidnapped.
Agent Tusct: You—? …You serious…?
Mr. Ortiz: [begins to shrug]
Agent Tusct: [mutters] …Jesus…
[silence]
Agent Tusct: You really don't why you've been gone for so long?
Mr. Ortiz: I swear on it, I'm tellin' the truth. Don't know what you want me to say.
Agent Tusct: Mm… um. Can you at least tell what you were doing when we found you?
Mr. Ortiz: I was being scolded by some dude.
Agent Tusct: "Some dude?" Who and what for?
0
Mr. Ortiz: Don't know the guy. He told me to meet him for a private conversation. I got there —he was waiting for me — and he started getting all mad, like, really, really mad, saying that I wrote some wrinkled up note he found near one of the rooms. Didn't even know what he was talking about. - I read the thing. It wasn't even in my handwriting, so I don't even know how he got to that conclusion.
Agent Tusct: Ok…? But still, you sure you don't know him?
Mr. Ortiz: I don't know crap about the dude, man. Only thing I know is that he's in some group. Don't know what it's about, they don't tell me anything.
Agent Tusct: Group…? Are you a part of this, so-called, "group?"
Mr. Ortiz: In a way… yes, but again, they don't tell me nothin'. So, I don't even participate in what they do. To be honest, I don't even know what's their cause. Hope it's, like, helping people or something. And before you say it. I have no idea what they're called, so don't bother.
Agent Tusct: I see… there are, um… you probably already know this, but, uh, there're rooms in the hallways… you don't— …you don't happen to know what they're for, or what's in them, do you?
Mr. Ortiz: Uh, Nope. You need a key to open 'em, which they never gave me. But I've been trying to, though. There're peepholes on the doors. I've tried looking through them, but something was blocking 'em. I also tried looking through those keyholes, but that didn't work, either. One time, one of them saw what I was doin' and told me to stop it, and I did. Probably for the best, though. I could've gotten, freakin', pinkeye, knowing that they barely wipe those things with alcohol. - Thank God I didn't. That would've sucked…
Agent Tusct: Mm-hmm…
[silence]
Mr. Ortiz: Come to think of it. I do know one guy that probably knows what's inside those things. He has one of those keys.
Agent Tusct: Really?
Mr. Ortiz: Yeah, his name's Adrian. Can't remember, but he's the manager of this building called, uh… "Moonlit Whores…?" It's a very… very interesting name for a building.
Agent Tusct: Wait, you're allowed to leave?
Mr. Ortiz: Yes. Well… no…? I mean, they don't know I leave. One time, I left to get a lil' fresh air. I went around the building to check it out because, you know, curiosity and all that, right? Adrian spots me and starts gettin' all mad, and tells me to stay out of sight. Don't know why, though
Agent Tusct: Um… thank you. We'll be sure to, uh… reach him for an interview.
Mr. Ortiz: I've talked to him before, you know. He seems to be a nice fella. Just wish he would stop smoking, though. He's, like— …You know that smoking makes you look old, right. He's, like, younger than me, but he looks like he's in his 70s, almost. Like… it's either that stuff or the years have not been kind to him at all.
Agent Tusct: Right, right…
[silence]
Agent Tusct: Well, that's all, for now.
Mr. Ortiz: Good. Now can you please get rid of these handcuffs? I can see my wrist turning red.
Agent Tusct: Yeah, sorry about that… hey, sorry about this, but we might need to keep you here for a few days. We just need to know how to fix your situation, at the moment.
Mr. Ortiz: No, worries.
Agent Tusct: Thanks. You're doin' us a great service for helping us out, right now. - I'll release you from your cuffs now…
<End Log>
When agents arrived at Mr. Ludhardt's house, it was reported that he seemed to have left in a rush, saying that the house was completely empty with objects scattered across every room. - After numerous days of tracking Mr. Ludhardt. It was later reported that Mr. Ludhardt took a plane to Switzerland and was currently living in a small apartment in Zürich. Mr. Ludhardt was later arrested by a Swiss undercover Agent after attempting to pass a toll booth. Mr. Ludhardt was later sent back to Site-██ for interrogation. See Interview Log - 12/01/10.
Mr. Ortiz was given Class-C amnestics and was given cleaning duties at Site-██, where SCP-XXXX-02 is being contained. Testing for SCP-XXXX-02 is now authorized.
[[collapsible show="+ Interview Log - 12/01/10" hide="- ACCESS GRANTED"]]
Date: 12/01/10
interviewee: Adrian Luhardt Welles
Interviewer: Dr. Richards
Foreword: Mr. Ludhardt waits for Dr. Richards
<Begin Log>
Mr. Ludhardt: [mumbles] And if you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me… oooooh, gi— Shit!
[Dr. Richards enters the room]
Mr. Ludhardt: uh, Hey, man! Good to see ya!
Dr. Richards: Good to see you too, Adrian. Sorry about ending your vacation so soon. - Speaking of that, why were you in such a rush to leave? We went to your house and there were items everywhere in your house. Why's that?
Mr. Ludhardt: Um… embarrassing to say… [sighs] I don't clean my house much… there's your answer.
Dr. Richards: Mm-hmm, right… again, sorry about your vacation. We just need more info from you
Mr. Ludhardt: "more info?" Don't have a lot of stuff to give you. I-I've told you everything I knew.
Dr. Richards: No… no— no, you haven't. [sighs] Don't make this harder than it has to be. - We know.
[Mr. Ludhardt begins changing his body posture]
Mr. Ludhardt: Wh-What…?
Dr. Richards: One of your friends informed us about your suspicious activities. Do you know Chris Ortiz? Yes, we've found him and he told us everything.
Mr. Ludhardt: …I-I… I don't— [interrupted]
Dr. Richards: Sorry, save that thought for a moment. — I'll be right back.
Mr. Ludhardt: I… [rubs face] Ok…
[6 minutes later]
Mr. Ludhardt: [mutters] Chris…? that fucking piece of shit…!
[Mr. Ludhardt begins to stand up and pace around the room with his hands covering his mouth]
Mr. Ludhardt: [mutters] What the fuck am I gonna do now…? [inaudible]
the hell was I thinking, me…? You stupid, stupid piece of shit…! [inaudible muttering]
[1 hour later]
[Dr. Richards enters the room]
Dr. Richards: Adrian, what are you doing sitting on the floor? And are you ok? Your face is red.
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah, I'm… [sniff] I-I'm good…
Dr. Richards: Good. Now, get up. We have a lot of questions, today, and this floor hasn't been cleaned, yet.
[Mr. Ludhardt stands up and sits back in his chair]
Mr. Ludhardt: Look, I'll tell you everything, but please, please just let me go after this, man, I beg you.
Dr. Richards: All right, calm down. No need to be desperate. We'll worry about that later, but for now, let's just get to the questioning.
Mr. Ludhardt: Ask me anything. Hit me, please.
Dr. Richards: Again, calm down… — Mr. Ortiz said you were a part of this group. Ar—? [interrupted]
Mr. Ludhardt: Look, man, I don't know a lot about them, ok? I did work with them, yeah? But they were going to kill me.
Dr. Richards: They were going to kill you?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yes! You have to believe me.
Dr. Richards: What for?
Mr. Ludhardt: 'Cause I let one of their monstrosities loose into one of the rooms.
Dr. Richards: Which room?
Mr. Ludhardt: That room on the second floor. The one I told you about.
Dr. Richards: …Room 17? But you s— [interrupted]
Mr. Ludhardt: I know what I said, ok? That was a lie. All of it, a lie. There ain't— Man, there ain't no fucking room filled with eyes and all the other dumbass shit I said. - Are you fuckin' kidding me, I made it up.
Dr. Richards: I see… can you tell us what happened with this room 17 incident?
Mr. Ludhardt: I-I took a break from my work for a minute to smoke, and it was too cold outside 'cause, you know? It's was late November; so I went to the room, opened it, and smoked there.
Dr. Richards: And…? What else?
Mr. Ludhardt: I was smoking, and I heard those elevator doors open; and I saw this long, black, lanky motherfucker. - He sees me and started sprinting toward me. - I started to panic and went inside the room. it comes in, and I go behind him and shut the door on it and locked it.
Dr. Richards: Do you know where this "lanky" creature came from?
Mr. Ludhardt: Yeah… yeah, I do… that group…? Yeah, they made that. It got out somehow and killed a few of their guys, is what they said.
Dr. Richards: What's the name of this group and what is their purpose?
Mr. Ludhardt: They're called "Biological Experiments For Worlds," or "B.E.F.W" for short. It's a really dumb name, I know.
Dr. Richards: Their purpose?
Mr. Ludhardt: Their purpose…? Um, they use their, uh, experiments and release them into rooms to see if they're deadly enough to "end worlds?" I know it's stupid. — In my honest opinion, I feel like they're those Clichéd bad guys you see on those Nickelodeon shows.
Dr. Richards: Mm-hmm… I must ask. How do they make these creatures? They surely don't create them out of thin air.
Mr. Ludhardt: Well, they, uh… they grab people either from here or different places, and they, uh… they change them into what they want them to be.
Dr. Richards: I see. — You had a few incidents of people going missing around your establishment. I'm guessing… you caused them?
Mr. Ludhardt: …Yes…
Dr. Richards: Why?
Mr. Ludhardt: I don't know… [coughs] Besides, it was only 3 people, including Chris.
Dr. Richards: Speaking of Mr. Ortiz. He
Dr. Richards: Why didn't you stop them?
Mr. Ludhardt: To be honest, I don't really care about what they're doing to other places. As long as they're not doing it here, then I'm good. — We're good. Think of it as a selfless act.
Dr. Richards: That's not selfless at all. That's extremely psychopathic. — What is wrong with you?
Per 
