Per 
Item #: XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment procedures:
SCP-XXXX is to be kept in archive 1 at site 17 in a 620x20.5x770mm cast iron sheathe, containing 601x1x751mm of space for SCP-XXXX to fit in. with its 620x20.5x25 lid welded on to the sheathe. On this sheathe is the text "SCP-XXXX DO NOT READ" engraved 1mm deep.
Description:
SCP-XXXX is a standard sized broadsheet paper (600x750mm), written with standard quill pen ink. Upon an individual reading the whole text, the individual is then to be referred to as SCP-XXXXX-1.
Addendum XXXX.1:
A Class-D personnel was given instructions to read the whole text outloud, with 2 observing scientists stationed in the adjacent observation cubicle and a site manager stood outside this cubicle with the instructions to enter after 15 minutes. The Class-D personell happily complied with their instructions. It seems based on this reaction and the description of the site manager, that SCP-XXXX has a mild hypnotic effect that attracts those who know of it, or know where it is located, that are within what each person perceieves as a reasonable walking distance; this effect is easy to overcome, but is still to be noted. The coroner inspecting the corpses of SCP-XXXX-1 and observing scientists found signs of suffocation and hypoxia, and the lungs suffered unrecoverable damage, with broncules ripped and severe haemoragging, suggesting extreme amounts of pressure from within the lungs. The notes from the second scientist were also splattered with DNA-matched blood, suggesting they had coughed up or sneezed blood. The notes also suggest it is a long winded joke, which is [REDACTED] enough to be universally funny to those who speak English.
Scientists notes: Test XXXX.1: Class-D James Samways entered the test room in a clearly agitated mood, probably from all the shouting the facility guards gave him. But, soon after being told to read out SCP-XXXXX, he seemed to be interested and calmer. For saftey, I have been told to NOT write down any of the text beyond the first sentence, which is as follows; "When ██████ created Adam and Eve, he also introduced ████████ into the garden of Eden; and at first, they got along, but Adam and Eve had slowly got tired of ██████ and one day had enough."
Subject, despite admitting to not previously enjoying reading is visibly enjoying the story and appears to be near the end of the text. This is where the fun be. The scientist stopped writing at this point, which is where they most likely started to cough up blood.
Addendum XXXXX.2:
A Class-D personnel was given instructions to read the whole text without saying a word with 2 observing scientists stationed in the adjacent observation cubicle and a site manager stood outside the cubicle with the instructions to enter after 15 minutes. This Class-D personell was also happy to comply, adding further to the hypnotic hypothesis. When SCP-XXXX-1 stopped reading, he started laughing hysterically and uncontrollably, instantly coughing up copious amounts of blood, and eventually collapsing.
Addendum XXXX.3:
(The test was performed in the same conditions and instructions as XXXX.2, but instead 2 doctors were seated in the corner with ear defenders on, 1 with Class-B amnestics on hand to apply to SCP-XXXX-1 so for the sake of space, it is not repeated). The instant SCP-XXXX-1 started laughing, the doctors rushed to apply the Class-B amnestics, but the damage had already been done, meaning the lungs are damage immeadiately after laughing begins, meaning there is no use applying amnestics or mind alterations.
23/01/1803 Police Report (with mild translation from original dialect and coloquialism):
Amateur writer Proffessor Henry Woolands, aged 27, who works at Kingston University as a lecturing Proffessor, his wife Mary Woolands, aged 25 and the manor maid Olga Robinson, aged 33 were found dead at Woolands manor in [REDACTED], Chelsea, London at 8:04AM on 21/01/1803. Mary Woolands appeared to have died with a piece of paper in her hand, with splatters of blood all over the walls and furniture; miraculously, the paper itself was completely intact. Upon inspection of the bodies, it seems their lungs filled with blood, meaning they drowned in blood. Possible causes are pneumonia, tuberculosis and other such pneumonic diseases, but it is strange for it to affect 3 people at once, more investigation required.
Any personnel curious on why this SCP is should be firmly told about the danger of it being read to a conference of people, over the radio, on national emergency TV broadcast as a suicide-mass murder similar to that of a suicide bombing, potentially killing any number of people
