SCP-XXXX-J (The Clam)

Object Class: Safe (unless Lois comes)

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-J should be guarded by Jeremy, the new bartender and owner of the clam after the same son of a bitch killed Horace Horace died in a freak accident during a ball game in which the main accuser of his death was actually Jeremy. Jeremy should wield a select variety of weaponry, but since he's black since he's experienced, Jeremy should often wield a baseball bat or a Glock-19 at a 45° angle towards the left (since Jeremy is right-handed). It should be noticed that Horace wielded a broken booze bottle since he's ████.
Peter, Joe, and Quagmire is also allowed to defend the Clam or secure it by any means by either protesting preferrably in front of a bulldozer or with their weaponry. Peter will often just use his immense strength as a humble "large" fellow, Joe will use his classic M1911 handgun being a police officer and all, and Quagmire using any weapon he has with him (which is often his own phallace, as in a previous scene, Quagmire has shown off his swiss-army phallace to his other friends while busting them out of handcuffs). All three of the men must show some type of alcoholic level within them before a raid or defense against any attack, and if they do not have their weaponry with them, they may call in for backup from Cleveland.
Cleveland has strong relations with Jeremy, only because they are both of the same ethnicity. Cleveland may wield his moustache as a boomerang type of weapon or even one of his children, as often Cleveland will have access to at least one of them. Rocko is preferred for this, but the other two nutshells can also be used, including █████ (in serious situations).
There should be no outer interference, and if there is any interference the (total of) five of them cannot handle, they may recoil and shift elsewhere within the Clam.

Description: The Clam is a bar resorted to the consumption of alcohol, the occasional frog-teasing, and conversation. The Clam often holds their most important and main customers, Peter, Joe, and Quagmire (which hold no direct attachment to the SCP itself, but holds a strong bond to the SCP and therefore defends it or holds their ground upon the SCP). They may also be accompanied by Cleveland Brown, a man of African-American descent that has strong relations with Jeremy, the bartender.
Peter Griffin is an Irish-American obese man with a full family of six (including the family dog, Brian), who works at the local brewery. Joe Swanson is a paralyzed American man with a full family of three, who works as a local police officer and has devoted himself to the law. Glenn Quagmire is a Japanese-American (seemingly) anorexic man with no family, working as an airplane pilot/US naval pilot, but has constant arousal and therefore often has many women to accompany him during the nights. Quagmire is especially interesting of a character as, due to his sexual drive and arousal, he is immune to any and all sexually-transmitted diseases, and continues to have sex███ ████████ with whomever he pleases. Quagmire constantly tries to get at Lois, Peter's wife, and has even tried Peter's 18+ year old daughter, Meg, whom should always shut up. Jeremy is an African-American man who believed himself to be the killer of Horace, the previous Clam's owner, whom died in a freak ball game accident as said in the Special Containment Procedures. Cleveland Brown is an African American man whom rarely accompanies the aforementioned three, but is still a valued ally of the three. The three often have him there as diversity, but also as a friendship maybe.
The Clam has many special attributes that differentiate it between other bars within the area. The Clam often attracts the aforementioned men to the bar, allowing them to socialize in this place almost always, serving as a constant place of ████████ for the men, catering to the men by helping them socialize and to get away from their nagging and irritating wives. The Clam also allows the men to be brought together, often driving their lives in many ways, as their ideas and █████ both stupid and ingenius alike come alive into reality. These ideas may be far-fetched or gracious, but it allows the men's bond to strengthen.

Addendum 1: The following is what is and is not allowed at the clam (with some revisions from Peter Griffin, Joe Swanson, and Glenn Quagmire).

Addendum 2: The Clam is to be surveilled by the three men with surveillance and spying equipment in order to determine the phenomenon's source that occurs within the entire premise. That very phenomenon? General Stu-█████.