Per 
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BY ORDER OF THE ÖAY)¤UYJEGKOARHNTRIEWKP
The following file is Level 9/9999 classified. Personnel without sufficient access will be terminated by means of a Langton-Scrambley Epileptic Kill Agent.
SCP-9999-J
| Item #: SCP-))))-J | Level 4/999.J |
| Object Class: Archon | Classified |
SCP-XXXX.
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Wel'll' burn that water when we get under the bridge.
Special Containment Class: I am diverting your attention to unintelligible nonsense in an attempt to gain an upper hand at the negotiation table.1
[[/iftags]]
[[iftags +component-backend]]
Check Page Source for Code
[[/iftags]]
]]
Item #: [[include :scp-wiki:component:anomaly-class-bar-source
|item-number= SCP-9999-J
|clearance= SCP-9999-J
|container-class= keter
|secondary-class= esoteric
|secondary-icon= https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ec/SCP_Foundation_%28emblem%29.svg/900px-SCP_Foundation_%28emblem%29.svg.png
|disruption-class= keneq
|risk-class= notice
]]
Object Class: Valid object class for once
OBject Class: [[include component:object-class-bar-source
|item-num=SCP-9999-J
|obj-class=Thaumiel
|site-resp=
|director=Maria Jones
|rsch-head=I dunno
|task-force=Internal Task Force 259
|colorbar-bg-color=rgb(255,FF,155)
|colorbar-bg-img=optional
|colorbar-one=full
|colorbar-two=none
|colorbar-three=none
|colorbar-four=none
|colorbar-five=none
|colorbar-six=full
|level=0
|secrecy=ASSIFIED
]]
Description: SCP-9999-J dislikes being hooked up, and would very much like for someone to come over and lob an axe into its brain. But alas, containment must be maintained at all costs. It is only when that cost exceeds certain thresholds that neutralization may be considered.
"We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones
Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born
The potential people who could have been here in my place
But who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Sahara
Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton
We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA
So massively exceeds the set of actual people
In the teeth of those stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here
We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds
How dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state
From which the vast majority have never stirred?
There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers
Having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one
And that whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity
From so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been
And are being, evolved."
*Item #:* SCP-9996-J
Containment Class: Safe
Disruption Class: Ekhi
Risk Class: Notice2
** Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-9999-J is currently self-containing, however simulations have predicted that a containment breach would pose a 75.4% probability of a Broken Masquerade scenario, with an estimated 1% margin of error.
SCP-9999-J's-1's nature precludes the possibility of physical containment .As such, is to be held in Theoretical Containment Cell 12, maintained by the Foundation's Philosophy Department .The mental stability and well-being of all personnel assigned to Theoretical Containment Cell 12 is an Urgency 4 (Ekhi) priority.
SCP-66999.J-j-2-1 is to be kept on an airgapped server .No attempts to run the source code of SCP357^99 -J are to be made.
Description: SCP-9999-J is a self-evolving thaumic construct, composed of two components: SCP-))))-J-1 and SCP-6666-j-2 .SCP-))))-J-1 is the functional component of the anomaly, manifesting as an informational tic which solely affects computerized text .SCP-)&869-J2 is the functional component of the anomaly, manifesting as a non-memetic contagion affecting all types of artificial intelligences.
The anomalous effects of SCP-9999-J.
Addendum SCP-9999-J-Alpha: Testimony of Maria Jones, Head of RAISA
SCP-9999-J, despite its curious designation.
Item #: Euclid
SCPecial Containment Procedired: SCP-9999-J is an infohazardous infohazard. It propagates itself by manifesting and subsequently squatting within uncategorized and poorly managed files within the Foundation Intranet, such as unclaimed designations in the 10,000's, or the -J article repository.
Object Class: The Foundation databases are to undergo regular maintenance and updates to deter the propagation of SCP-9999-J and similar sentient conceptual constructs. Should the
Addendum 9999-J-Alpha: - Description:
SCP-9999-J is a sentient conceptual construct which is a setient sempetunal construct with is a which sapient in a infoclassardous constructivism with a which am conceptual consensussaurus. Without a which which to concept a concstreuctalblae sapienism, presumably inhabiting numerous low-traffic areas of the database.
SCP-9999-J was originally the result of a failed Foundation attempt at creating a sapient artificial intelligence. Its original purpose was to parse big data acquired through PANOPTICON and Project Planeswalker.3 Due to unforeseeable human error, SCP-9999-J was mistakenly allowed access to its own source code in an early development stage. It proceeded to modify its own code uncontrollably, eventually becoming viral and malignant.
The self-replication process of SCP-9999-J is imperfect, and leads to irrelevant, often corrupted excess data to be appended to its source code on every replication. While this has a potential to cause significant strain on the database, the added database can also be potential to significause the database SCP-9999-J infested files.
The most readily apparent anomalous property of SCP-9999-J is its effect on subjects who read information regarding SCP-9999-J. Such subjects will find themselves consistently re-reading and misreading portions of text. It is presumed that SCP-9999-J uses this as a defence mechanism to conceal vital information about itself. The source of this anomaly is unknown; No anomalous technology was utilized during SCP-9999-J's development.
SCP number: 9999
item class: Keter
SCP's: this shit's off the hook, man. I'd call the Janitors but I don't think there's a working phone on the continent anymore
description: three days ago, my computer died. My phone died, my TV went black, and so did all of my neighbours and all of their neighbours and everyone's in my city, except that one crazy fucker down by the creek who still somehow had analog TV and a landline. also, pretty much the same day, a bunch of tankfucker vans rolled in and started rounding people up, and I figured that was my time to get the fuck outta dodge.
based on this, I'm gonna say that shit's magic, yo. man am I glad that finally someone else than us fucked up royally. actually no, this sucks ass. my phone had like 50 gigs of semi-sapient magigifs of muscled anime twunks, they must be dead af now.
so I hightail up to 3ports, and they're up and having a field day. they're kind enough to inform me that this is all somehow the janitors' fault. I'd hate to say I told them so, but actually this is all kinda funny.
so yea. here's to restarting society without any functional information technology. happy days. at least the masquerade's verifiably fucked now, so I can finally start making a mint off of my abilities. except for the fact that magigifs are no longer a viable source of income. fuck me.
Item #: SCP-9999-J
Object Class: Safe Euclid Keter T̪̘̲h͉̣̠a͉̕u͍̜m̵͚̦̰̘̫ḭ̛̝͕e̵͓̭͕l͚͖͠ͅ Tiamat Excuse my French but what in the F̢̡̼͙̟̞͍͈͖̪̰͓̩͈͖̭̭͈̤̘̅̎͗́̕͜ͅU̾̓ͪ͆͐̈́̈͛̃ͫ̓͆͛̓̃̔̀ͪͭ҉͚̤͕̗̻͈͉͇͍̯̣́͠C̶̸̥̟̰͖̗͇̖͍͍̩̩̯̜̩̀̾̈́ͤ͂ͪͬͭ̀ͅĶ̠͇̼͙͕̱̮̺̠̪͍̣̭̠̙̻̏͌̊͘͝͠ͅ is G̠̮̬̩̼͕̥̦͙̤͓̬̖͖ͮͤ̑͒ͫͮͤ͐͗̋ͪ͌̓ͫ̽́̀͝ͅǪ̺͖̗̗̹̫̱͍̘͙̳̝̞̫̻̦̣̪͑ͩͮ̋̍̏̾̆͑͟Ï̵̵̜͖̦̹̣̳̻̝̹̇͂̀ͤ͊̊͋ͯͮ̓̏͛̐̎̃̽͗̌͘N̝̘̱̜̤̗͎̅͗ͪ̽ͧ́͝͝Ģ̛̹͎̞̱̙̗̥͇̩̺̦̏̋͐ͮͬ̀ ̬͙̫̹̠̥͔̲̱̙ͭ̏̅̇̾ͨ͊͘͠͠͠Õ̷̖̗̹͎͔̠̒ͦ̒̅̍͂́͊̀̆̿͌ͤ̕͢͝N̨̧̅͂̃͆ͫ͊͒͗̌̈̽̚͝҉͕͉̖̣̠̮̩͢ //-Maria Jones,, Head of RAISA-
Object Class: Let's try this again, shall we? Innocous
Secondary Class: Thaumiel4
Maria,
We need you on-site Object Class: Right now, the database has gone tits up and bollocks flat. Object Class: Senior Researcher Fethry.
[[div class="passw"]]
