Sir Pupienus

The Spy

SCP-XXXX during TE-1917-3.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the anomaly's elusive nature, it is impossible to contain SCP-XXXX. I/O OWLWATCH has been implemented specifically to embed itself onto 72% of all security networks in the world specifically to detect Yarmouk Events. Foundation agents who have an Anomalous Impulse Resistance Index above 50 and are specialized in negotiation and military strategy are to be embedded in various world governments, preferably in administrative roles, so that they may undermine and/or intercept a Yarmouk Event. Additionally, all mentions of SCP-XXXX in historical accounts and scholarly articles are to be withheld from public viewing and stored in Foundation archives.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a 1.8m-tall, presumably Mediterranean male of indeterminate age. The anomaly wears a military uniform and a loose leather mask, both of which correspond to the targeted military and time period of a Yarmouk Event, respectively. SCP-XXXX has been observed to be domineering, arrogant, and abrasive during a Yarmouk Event, but usually complies to the orders of a higher-ranking official.

A Yarmouk Event denotes the manifestation of SCP-XXXX within the vicinity of any war council attended by military personnel. SCP-XXXX will proceed to participate in the meeting, recommending unhelpful and often self-destructive strategies. However, military personnel with an Anomalous Impulse Resistance Index below 50 will consider SCP-XXXX's strategies superior.¹ SCP-XXXX's success² rate was estimated to be 92%, eventually dropping to 63% once the current Special Containment Procedures were implemented. Upon termination of the meeting, SCP-XXXX will de-manifest. It is believed that SCP-XXXX has interfered with approximately ███ wars within the last two (2) millennia.

Furthermore, SCP-XXXX possesses various defense mechanisms that are only observable when a Yarmouk Event is interrupted by sudden attacks. For example, SCP-XXXX is reportedly impervious to ballistic weaponry and has been observed to run at velocities as high as 59 m/s. If SCP-XXXX is faced with a close-combat situation, it will simply attempt to hide and de-manifest.

Addendum: List of Notable Yarmouk Events:

All of the following events have been confirmed to involve SCP-XXXX by firsthand accounts, all of which have been withheld from the public by the Foundation as per Special Containment Procedures. Every Yarmouk Event is designated YE followed by the year in which it occurred. If there are multiple Yarmouk Events within the same year, they will be numbered with respect to the order in which they occurred.

Designation: YE-636
Battle: Battle of Yarmouk
War: Early Muslim Invasions
Affected Military Leader(s): Vahan, Theodore Trithyrius
Description: SCP-XXXX took advantage of the preexisting power struggle between the Byzantine commanders and convinced them not to advance for fear of mutiny. The commanders' resulting reluctance allowed the 40,000 Rashidun soldiers to defeat the 100,000 Byzantine troops.
Notes: YE-636 was the first known Yarmouk Event, hence the phenomenon's name.

Designation: YE-1781-4
Battle: Siege of Yorktown
War: American Revolutionary War
Affected Military Leader(s): Charles Cornwallis
Description: SCP-XXXX convinced Cornwallis not to reinforce his frontlines, claiming that the Continental Army was "too weak to waste resources on." However, a joint attack by the Continental Army and French-Canadian auxiliaries captured Cornwallis's artillery cannons, which contributed to an American victory.
Notes: YE-1781-4 distinguishes SCP-XXXX's tendency to target large and/or powerful nations in Yarmouk Events.

Designation: YE-1815-3
Battle: Battle of Waterloo
War: Napoleonic Campaigns
Affected Military Leader(s): Napoleon Bonaparte
Description: SCP-XXXX mislead Napoleon regarding Prussia's involvement in the battle, thus leading to his defeat and exile from France.

Designation: YE-1876
Battle: Battle of Little Bighorn
War: Great Sioux War
Affected Military Leader(s): George Custer
Description: SCP-XXXX advised that Custer move his forces to a hill that was too small for his soldiers to defend themselves. Custer's army was overwhelmed by Native American forces and Custer himself died in battle.

Designation: YE-1915-8
Battle: Gallipoli Campaign
War: World War I
Affected Military Leader(s): Winston Churchill
Description: SCP-XXXX advised Churchill to disregard an alternative strategy that would have been more beneficial for the British military. This resulted in a Turkish victory.

Designation: YE-1937
Battle: N/A
War: Winter War
Affected Military Leader(s): Vyacheslav Molotov, Kirill Meretskov
Description: SCP-XXXX convinced Molotov and Meretskov through forged logistical documents that it would only take two weeks to conquer Finland and advised that the Russian soldiers only receive a month's supply of rations and ammunition. The Winter War took more than three months, resulting in a decisive Soviet victory and a Finnish tactical victory.
Notes: This specific Yarmouk Event marks a distinguished change in SCP-XXXX's normal behavior. Rather than directly interfering with military planning as it did in the past, SCP-XXXX now edits documents of logistical and/or strategic importance.

ATTENTION: This document has been updated since you opened it. Click here to view the most recent iteration.

Footnotes

1. Individuals with an AIRI below 50 will also take no notice of SCP-XXXX's mask or any other anomalous properties.

2. A successful Yarmouk Event occurs when SCP-XXXX's strategy is adopted by the military council.

3. The totality of the Authority's maritime vessels.

4. This figure is debatable, as it was derived from the approximate volume of RPC-200 and the density of settled snow, though some researchers theorize that RPC-200’s density could be as high as that of wind-packed snow or even firn.

5. No one stronger than chief.

« SCP-XXXX | SCP-XXXX | SCP-XXXX »

The Spy II

SCP-XXXX during TE-103.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the anomaly's elusive nature, it is unnecessary to contain SCP-XXXX. I/O OWLWATCH has been decommissioned. Foundation agents who have an Anomalous Impulse Resistance Index above 30 and are specialized in negotiation and military strategy are to be embedded in various world governments, preferably in subordinate roles, so that they may undermine and/or intercept a Yarmouk Event. Additionally, all mentions of SCP-XXXX in historical accounts and scholarly articles are to be withheld from public viewing and stored in Foundation archives.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a 1.8m-tall, handsome, presumably Mediterranean male of indeterminate age. The anomaly wears a military uniform and a loose leather mask, both of which correspond to the targeted military and time period of a Yarmouk Event, respectively. SCP-XXXX has been observed to be helpful during a Yarmouk Event, but usually complies to the orders of a higher-ranking official.

A Yarmouk Event denotes the arrival of SCP-XXXX within the vicinity of any war council attended by military personnel. SCP-XXXX will proceed to participate in the meeting, recommending unhelpful and often self-destructive strategies. However, military personnel with an Anomalous Impulse Resistance Index below 30 will consider SCP-XXXX's strategies superior. SCP-XXXX's success rate was estimated to be 100%, eventually dropping to 0% once the current Special Containment Procedures were implemented. Upon termination of the meeting, SCP-XXXX will leave. It is believed that SCP-XXXX has interfered with over three-hundred wars within the last three (3) millennia.

Furthermore, SCP-XXXX possesses various defense mechanisms that are only observable when a Yarmouk Event is interrupted by sudden attacks. For example, SCP-XXXX is reportedly impervious to ballistic weaponry and has been observed to run at velocities as high as 59 m/s. If SCP-XXXX is faced with a close-combat situation, it will simply attempt to hide and de-manifest.

Addendum: List of Notable Yarmouk Events:

All of the following events have been confirmed to involve SCP-XXXX by firsthand accounts, all of which have been withheld from the public by the Foundation as per Special Containment Procedures. Every Yarmouk Event is designated YE followed by the year in which it occurred. If there are multiple Yarmouk Events within the same year, they will be numbered with respect to the order in which they occurred.

Designation: YE-636
Battle: Battle of Yarmouk
War: Early Muslim Invasions
Affected Military Leader(s): Vahan, Theodore Trithyrius
Description: SCP-XXXX took advantage of the preexisting power struggle between the Byzantine commanders and convinced them not to advance for fear of mutiny. The commanders' resulting reluctance allowed the 40,000 Rashidun soldiers to defeat the 100,000 Byzantine troops.
Notes: YE-636 was the eightieth known Yarmouk Event.

Designation: YE-1781-4
Battle: Siege of Yorktown
War: American Revolutionary War
Affected Military Leader(s): Charles Cornwallis
Description: SCP-XXXX convinced Cornwallis not to reinforce his frontlines, claiming that the Continental Army was "too weak to waste resources on." However, a joint attack by the Continental Army and French-Canadian auxiliaries captured Cornwallis's artillery cannons, which contributed to an American victory.
Notes: YE-1781-4 distinguishes SCP-XXXX's tendency to target large and/or powerful nations in Yarmouk Events.

Designation: YE-1815-3
Battle: Battle of Waterloo
War: Napoleonic Campaigns
Affected Military Leader(s): Napoleon Bonaparte
Description: SCP-XXXX mislead Napoleon regarding Prussia's involvement in the battle, thus leading to his defeat and exile from France.

Designation: YE-1876
Battle: Battle of Little Bighorn
War: Great Sioux War
Affected Military Leader(s): George Custer
Description: SCP-XXXX advised that Custer move his forces to a hill that was too small for his soldiers to defend themselves. Custer's army was overwhelmed by Native American forces and Custer himself died in battle.

Designation: YE-1915-8
Battle: Gallipoli Campaign
War: World War I
Affected Military Leader(s): Winston Churchill
Description: SCP-XXXX advised Churchill to disregard an alternative strategy that would have been more beneficial for the British military. This resulted in a Turkish victory.

Designation: YE-1937
Battle: N/A
War: Winter War
Affected Military Leader(s): Vyacheslav Molotov, Kirill Meretskov
Description: SCP-XXXX convinced Molotov and Meretskov through forged logistical documents that it would only take two weeks to conquer Finland and advised that the Russian soldiers only receive a month's supply of rations and ammunition. The Winter War took more than three months, resulting in a decisive Soviet victory and a Finnish tactical victory.
Notes: This specific Yarmouk Event marks a distinguished consistency in SCP-XXXX's normal behavior. Rather than directly interfering with military planning as it did in the past, SCP-XXXX now edits documents of logistical and/or strategic importance.

[[footnoteblock]]

« SCP-XXXX | SCP-XXXX | SCP-XXXX »

~K-Class "End of Normalcy" Scenario

Maybe a character that controls what is normal and what isn't. But I'll determine my balances.

Flesh Battleship

An aircraft carrier made of flesh that resembles the Admiral Kuznetsov. It has different body parts that correspond to the parts of an aircraft carrier. For example, its heart is located where the Admiral Kuznetsov's engine is. Its reproductive system is located on the main hangar deck, and it lays eggs that hatch into Quetzalcoatlus that can fly at high speeds and regurgitate rocks from their mouths like a machine gun. Its brain is located in the bridge.

Infinity Cafeteria

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The designated cafeteria at Site-76 has been moved from the west wing of the facility to the east wing. The corridor leading to SCP-XXXX has been walled off and only accessible through a separate entry.

Description: SCP-XXXX was the cafeteria at Site-76

The Theatre

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]

Description: SCP-XXX is a theatre in

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

[[footnoteblock]]

Here is all the compiled RPCs by me that I pulled from the wiki. I should have pulled them a long time ago.

RPC-051: The Flying Dutchman

RPC-051 shortly before returning to its passive state.

Registered Phenomena Code: 051

Object Class: Gamma-Red

Hazard Types: Aggression Hazard, Animated Hazard, Electromagnetic Force Hazard, Aquatic Hazard, Ballistic Hazard

Containment Protocols: At the time of writing, RPC-051 resides on the ocean floor in the Baltic Sea. RPC-051 is to be contained on-site by the Authority Nautical Fleet (ANF). ANF personnel have established a Safe-zone (ANF Outposts), Danger-zone (Observation), and Dead-zone (No Entry), at radii of 50 km, 45 km, and 30 km, respectively. There are to be unmanned solar-powered submersibles in the Deadzone at all times. These submersibles are to be fitted with proper EMP protection, as well as cameras so that RPC-051 may be monitored, and equipment for recovering objects within the Deadzone. All non-Authority aircraft and seafaring vessels are to be redirected from the established Safe-zone. Any manned vessels entering the Dead-zone are to be considered lost. In the event that RPC-051 is activated, the Authority is to keep all manned ships at the port until it returns to its passive state. Once RPC-051 returns to the ocean floor, the ANF Vessels must relocate the area and administer Class-A amnestics to all cities bordering the Baltic Sea.

Description: RPC-051 is a dilapidated pre-Dreadnought battleship with no distinguishing emblems or flags. The amount of crewmen aboard RPC-051, or if RPC-051 is maintained by a crew at all, is unknown. RPC-051 possesses a variety of armaments, including three two-gun 305mm turrets, twelve 80mm side-cannons (6 on each side), four 20mm anti-air cannons, and four depth charges. Despite multiple breaches in the hull, a broken rudder, and an absence of one of its propellers, RPC-051 can float on the ocean surface and move at a maximum speed of ██ knots (██ km/hr). RPC-051 cannot be tracked through satellite or radar and emits a strong electromagnetic field that can disorient or disable compasses and digital clocks within a 45-kilometer radius. This is much farther than RPC-051’s field of view, which only reaches roughly 30km.

In its passive state, RPC-051 is a non-anomalous shipwreck on the ocean floor. RPC-051 becomes active when it detects a manned air or sea vehicle traveling within its field of view, which is roughly 30 km. First, RPC-051 begins to float upward until it breaks the surface of the water. It will then attempt to ram into its target. If it is unable to ram, RPC-051 will open fire at the vessel until it is incapacitated. Then, RPC-051 will [DATA EXPUNGED] before returning to its passive state. So far, no manned vehicle that has encountered RPC-051 has been recovered the remains of 60 vessels from various time periods have been found within the established boundaries of the Deadzone. Additionally, numerous corpses have been removed from the Deadzone. Forensic analyses of the corpses suggest varying causes of death.

Addendum I

Addendum I: Discovery
RPC-051 was discovered after a frigate in the Royal Netherlands Navy disappeared shortly after departing from Den Helder on ██████ ██, 1989. All search teams dispatched to discover the vessel were lost as well. Within a month of the frigate's disappearance, the corpses of fifteen (15) Dutch naval personnel were discovered on the shoreline of North Holland. All of the crewmen suffered from injuries consistent with those inflicted by various ancient and medieval torture devices. The unusual nature of this case had alerted the Authority, who had dispatched a search team consisting of three (3) CSD-class personnel on a standard Authority-issue speedboat equipped with a long-distance radioactive array, a camera, and a wireless transmitter. Shortly before entering the Danger-zone, the radar indicated the presence of another vessel and the crew noted the noise of distant artillery coming from a massive "ghost ship" firing at a smaller civilian boat. Due to RPC-051's electromagnetic field, the connection was lost within the Danger-zone. An article was drafted for the anomalous vessel, now designated RPC-051, soon afterward.

Addendum II

Addendum II: Remains of Possible Victims of RPC-051

Foreword: Researchers have recorded the logs in Addendum II in the following format:

Subject Name:
Approximate Year of Incident:
Notes:

Subject Name: Unidentified
Approximate Year of Incident: 1675
Notes: Subject had a broken rib, presumably inflicted by a bullet wound, and a noose tied around his neck. Arms were missing.

Subject Name: Jaques Moineau
Approximate Year of Incident: 1750
Notes: Jaques Moineau disappeared on April 4, 1747. His corpse was discovered in the Deadzone. Subject's limbs were missing. The subject had broken ribs and a fractured skull. Despite being dead for 268 years with no traces of preservatives within his body, subject remains appeared to have not undergone the process of putrefaction.

Subject Name: Gavin Hyde (CSD-105169)
Approximate Year of Incident: 1989
Notes: Subject was among the CSD-Class personnel involved in the Authority's investigation of RPC-051. The subject was exsanguinated and eviscerated. [DATA EXPUNGED].

Subject Name: ████ ██████ ████
Approximate Year of Incident: 400 BC
Notes: Upon dissection, it was discovered that the subject was still alive, despite the severe state of decay, and had sustained brain damage from oxygen deprivation. The autopsy of RPC-051 victims has been indefinitely suspended.

[[footnoteblock]]

« RPC-050 | RPC-051 | RPC-052 »

RPC-200: The Abominable Snowman

RPC-200 in the Arctic Ocean.

Registered Phenomena Code: 200

Object Class: Gamma-Purple

Hazard Types: Aggression Hazard, Animated Hazard, Aquatic Hazard, Contact Hazard, Transmutation Hazard, Sentient Hazard, Extreme Temperature Hazard

Containment Protocols: RPC-200 must be under constant surveillance by the Authority Nautical Fleet, hereafter referred to as ANF³. RPC-200 is currently located on an island north of Svalbard, where it is to be monitored by four ANF submarines. At least twenty (20) animals of varying species are to be placed on the island on a weekly basis in order to satisfy RPC-200 and prevent it from attempting to breach containment. In the event of a containment breach, ANF submariners are to pursue and maintain a visual on RPC-200 and are permitted to use 500mm high-explosive torpedoes, should the need arise. If RPC-200 disappears from its current location, it must be located as soon as possible and placed under surveillance.

Description: RPC-200 is a vaguely humanoid entity composed of approximately 118,705kg⁴ of snow. Due to this, it seems to thrive in temperatures below -0.6 degrees Celsius, though it shows anomalous resistance to heat. The anomaly is amphibious, and unlike normal snow, it cannot float on water. Instead, it walks along the seafloor. RPC-200 is an ambush predator, able to change its shape as a lure tactic. Though it does not require sustenance, RPC-200 actively seeks out animals to attack. RPC-200 possesses qualities similar to brinicles, in that it flash-freezes anything that makes physical contact with it. Consequently, most victims of RPC-200 expire due to hypothermia. All attempts to contain RPC-200 within an enclosed space have failed, as whenever RPC-200 finds itself in a closed building, it will violently expel itself from any container. So far, ████ deaths, including ███ human casualties have been attributed to RPC-200.

Addendum: Discovery

Foreword: The following is a series of excerpts from audio logs on a digital recorder discovered in Yurshor, Russia.

<Begin Log, [12/20/19██]>

I came home today to see a crowd of people by the harbor. Three miners had died overnight, but they were still standing; frozen in solid ice. They were looking upwards, and their faces were contorted in expressions of shock and horror. I wonder what they saw that was so terrible.

<End Log>

<Begin Log, [12/21/19██]>

God save us; six more men have succumbed to the Flash-Freeze Phenomenon, as they call it. They were all pointing up, like they saw a plane. My neighbor thinks the Americans have developed some sort of "Ice Bomb," that freezes you in your tracks when it detonates. Despite it being the best theory that's come up so far, it still seems ridiculous. Why would they make something like that when they already have atom bombs, and if they did make it, why would they drop it here? Testing, perhaps? All I know is that I haven't heard any plane engines lately.

<End Log>

<Begin Log, [12/22/19██]>

Twelve people died today. Twelve! And they all died just like the nine who died yesterday and the day before. This is getting out of hand. Whomever - or whatever is doing this, it seems to be growing in strength. So is the civil unrest here. It's mass hysteria. People are protesting against the mayor, fighting in the streets, and claiming that they saw a "moving hill" just east of here. When I get the money, I'm moving away from here.

<End Log>

<Begin Log, [12/23/19██]>

There was a riot today. My friend, Dmitri, along with Igor, Oleg, Yevgeny, and a few others; they took guns and clubs and started…attacking the police. Needless to say, the rioters were all either arrested or killed. It's sad how we have degenerated since this whole thing began. The whole damned town is either frozen solid, or a victim to the madness.

<End Log>

<Begin Log, [12/24/19██]>

All of them are dead. The whole town is dead; covered in ice. I only survived because I was doing business out of town. I wish I could have taken my wife and son with me, too. My God, why must I be terrorized?

<End Log>

<Begin Log, [12/25/19██]>

You'd think, on His birth week, Jesus would show mercy on the people of Yurshor? No…not so. He has shown us Hell, and it is pure ice!

<End Log>

Closing Statement: The individual who recorded these audio logs contacted the Russian government, which in turn contacted the Authority. When MST Delta-25, "Sub-Zero," arrived at Yurshor, they managed to destroy the "moving hill" mentioned in the audio logs. The anomaly, now RPC-200, was originally classified as neutralized until a similar phenomenon to the Yurshor Incident happened in Nordaustlandet, Norway. RPC-200 was diverted from the civilian population by the ANF, and led to the island upon which it is currently contained.

Addendum ██/██/2018:

Researchers have reported a 5% increase in RPC-200’s size since it was discovered in 19██. If this trend is consistent and the growth continues, the Authority must either revise containment protocols or prepare for an apocalyptic scenario within the next ███ years. Reclassification to Gamma-Black is currently pending.

[[footnoteblock]]

« RPC-199 | RPC-200 | RPC-201 »

RPC-HAND-J: RPCaveman

RPCaveman

Me make picture of RPC-✋-J on cave wall.

Name thing: ✋-J

What Thing: Me no like. Me like. Bad thing dead.

Danger Thing: Big, Mad

Show Archived Containment Protocols

Keep Plan: RPC-✋-J live in forest. We make sacrifice of a virgin to forest god to keep RPC-✋-J from kill village every ✋✋✌️ moons. If forest god unable to protect village from RPC-✋-J. MTS Bravo-✌️ "Mammoth Hunters" hit RPC-✋-J with clubs until RPC-✋-J is kill. Hunter or gatherer who find RPC-✋-J while hunting or gathering should run real fast.

Show Current Containment Protocols

RPC-✋-J dead. We no need to contain RPC-✋-J.

Look Like: RPC-✋-J big hairy thing with long nose that make loud noise. RPC-✋-J really fat but RPC-✋-J stronger than chief.⁵ RPC-✋-J have two big tusk and like to smash huts with tusk. Not even strongest club or bow can hurt RPC-✋-J. Shaman say RPC-✋-J was made by forest god to punish village for stealing nuts from forest. That why RPC-✋-J kill village virgins in forest. RPC-✋-J make virgin into forest god servants.

Show Addendum

Addendum: Discovery

Interviewed: Gork third wife, Oogaba

Interviewer: Shaman Rok

Foreword: Oogaba recently marry Gork at old age of 15. She still virgin so RPC-✋-J attack her in forest. She come back with bruise.

<Begin Log>

Rok say: What happen?

Oogaba say: Big thing come to Oogaba in forest when me was collecting nut. Big thing became angry and hit Oogaba with mouth horn.

Rok say: Mouth horn?

Oogaba say: Big thing have two horn where mouth should be, and cover mouth with long nose.

Rok say: Rok no believe. Rok give you truth test.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Oogaba given truth test where she was beaten by big stick by village until she tell truth. Oogaba pass truth test and big thing reclassified as RPC-✋-J.

Show Addendum

Addendum: Incident Report ✋-✌️

Gork find RPC-✋-J in forest and throw spear at him for hurt Gork wife. RPC-✋-J dead. -Warlord Gork

[[footnoteblock]]

« RPC-001-J | RPC-✋-J | RPC-002-J »

RPC-1340-J: The Great Pestilence

ACT I
SCENE I. SITE-██.

---

Enter Containers

Poor Gents Infected with RPC-1340-J.

Item #: RPC-1340-J

Object Class: Gamma

Containment Protocols: Anon, thither is tush to contain RPC-1340-J, as, like fire, it doth spread apace. 'Tis desired that an infected fellow nev'r leaveth his abode, and have their buboes drain'd by a leech. 'Tis the most we can do at this hour.

Exeunt Containers

Enter Scribes

Description: Since brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outer flourishes, I will be brief: RPC-1340-J is the Plague. Plague I call it; for, if 't be true thou art not infected, then thou fear'th infection. 'Tis a horrible pestilence; very much so. 't beginneth at which hour a man but touch a rat, and then - a short tale to make - he falleth into fatigue, then into malaise, thence to an ache, thence into a weakness, thence to a fever, and, by this declension, into the bubonic ailment wherein he wil't expire, and all we shalt mourn for. In the hour at which I write, RPC-1340-J hath taken twenty-million with't to the grave.

Addendum: Entreatments with RPC-1340-J Victims

Interviewed: Horatio

Interviewer: Dr. Bernardo

Foreword: Horatio hath suffered from RPC-1340-J for a fortnight. 'Tis his last entreatment with his local leech ere his death.

<Begin Act I. Scene II. Horatio's Room.>

Horatio lies in bed.

Enter Bernardo.

Stand Horatio.

BERNARDO: G'day, Horatio. Has't thou shown any improvement since yesterday?

HORATIO: Nae; 'tis only worsened. All thy treatments were tush.

BERNARDO: Verily? Nae, I do'st not believeth that…What of the bloodletting?

HORATIO: Did'st thou not hear? 'Twas tush. Thou'rt a tomfoolish knave masquerading as a leech, and leeching nothing but mine own wage.

BERNARDO: 'Tis awfully rude, what thou hath said! Is this thy treatment of he who treats? Thou wil't have no more of my service!

Exeunt Bernardo.

HORATIO: I desire thee to get infected, thou treacherous leech!

Then fall Horatio.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Not a day after did Horatio die. Since, ere he died, wrote he a most unfavorable review of Bernardo on Ye Olde Yelp^TM, Bernardo's status as a leech for the Authority was't tooketh.

Exeunt Scribes

---

[[footnoteblock]]