Ashleigh: “Aaaaand rolling!”
[seats rustling, sigh]
Bailey: “Ash, please, are you actually filming this?”
Ash: “Of course I am!”
Bailey: “Why? There's not gonna be anything cool to see here…”
Marlies: “There might be.”
Ash: “It's just for my own personal records, I promise!”
Bailey: “Are you gonna—”
Marlies (interrupting): “Left here.”
[sound of engine sputtering slightly]
Bailey: “Left? There's not even a sign, 'lies, are you sure?”
Marlies: “Yes, I'm sure. If we don't turn here we'll just have to turn around, there's no other way in.”
Bailey: “Alright, sure.”
[engine revs up]
Ash: “I bet they got sick of tourists and just took down the sign so no one would find it.”
Bailey: “Oh, right, I'm sure there's loads of other people coming out here to the middle of nowhere looking for a three hundred year old castle with no interesting history whatsoever.”
Marlies: “The English countryside is not the 'middle of nowhere', Bailes, please.”
Ash: “Yeah, it's gorgeous out here!”
Marlies: “And I'm sure the castle has plenty of history to learn about, it's just kind of obscure.”
Bailey: “Well at this rate we're gonna get there after closing hours, and then we won't get to learn anything.”
Marlies: “Oh, don't be so pessimistic. It's just the next right.”
[pause]
Bailey: “Well this spot only has a left turn.”
Marlies: “Yes, that's fine, just keep going forward.”
Bailey: “And this one too?”
Marlies: “I said next right, Bailes, you'll know it when you see it.”
Bailey: “This one doesn't even have a straight-ahead.”
Marlies: “Okay, wait, that can't be right.”
[brakes screeching, sound of paper rustling]
Bailey: “Lemme see that.”
Marlies: “Hey!”
Bailey: “Where the hell are we…”
[sound of paper rustling again]
Marlies: “We SHOULD be right here, but this turn doesn't make any sense…”
Bailey: “Well clearly either your map is wrong, or you've placed us at the wrong spot on it.”
Marlies: “I couldn't have! There's no—”
Ash: “Uhh, girls? The sun's setting.”
Bailey: “The fuck do you mean the sun's—oh.”
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: (TBD)
Special Containment Procedures: (TODO)
Description: SCP-XXXX is any of several Wi-Fi networks that occasionally appear in structures with fewer than 3 people present. It appears with a variety of names, and is always unencrypted.
When connecting to SCP-XXXX, devices will appear to have access to the internet, but will instead receive false data which differs, usually subtly, from what would be received with a normal internet connection.
(TODO: more stuff??)
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment cell and provided with its daily medication as prescribed with morning meals. No personnel are to interact with SCP-XXXX except those already altered by its secondary effect or established to not be susceptible. Following incident XXXX-1, all affected personnel are to be allowed weekly visits to SCP-XXXX, and affected D-class personnel are not to be terminated without prior approval from O5 Command. In the event of such a termination being necessary, other affected personnel are to be relocated to SCP-XXXX's containment cell and all other personnel within 50 meters of SCP-XXXX's cell are to be relocated outside this radius until exactly 2 hours after termination, after which all personnel are to be returned to their previous posts.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a middle-aged woman previously residing in ███████, Canada. When in the immediate vicinity of SCP-XXXX, human subjects invariably report feeling safe and appear to trust SCP-XXXX unconditionally. The unconditional trust generally ceases upon leaving the vicinity of SCP-XXXX, although subjects often remain calm regardless of their prior emotional state. Animals in the vicinity of SCP-XXXX become docile and often behave in a friendly and affectionate manner.
SCP-XXXX is generally amiable and cooperative with foundation personnel, but upon sighting a small percentage of subjects, it requests for them to "come closer". Given the primary effect, subjects will invariably comply with this request. SCP-XXXX will then initiate physical contact with the subject, generally by placing its hand on the subject's cheek. Upon contact, SCP-XXXX's secondary effect will manifest, slightly altering the appearance of the subject and causing a significant alteration of identity, generally consisting of a change in personality, mannerisms, names, and often pronouns, although the subject's memories remain entirely intact.
After exposure to this effect, subjects remain aware of the change, and the fact that it was caused by SCP-XXXX, but invariably state they are happy with the alterations made and claim to have a better understanding of themselves. Affected subjects also exhibit admiration towards SCP-XXXX, frequently referring to it as "Mother" or a colloquial synonym consistent with the subject's dialect. SCP-XXXX will also refer to affected subjects as its "children", becoming visibly distressed when said subjects are put in harm's way, regardless of distance or other factors.
Addendum 1:
At ██:██ on █-██-20██, D-████ one of the 3 D-class personnel altered by SCP-XXXX's secondary effect (SCP-XXXX's "children") expires during testing with SCP-████. For the duration of the test SCP-XXXX appears extremely distressed and paces in its containment cell, wringing its hands and visibly sweating. At what is later determined to be the approximate moment of brain death of D-████, SCP-XXXX immediately collapses and begins sobbing. All personnel within approximately 30 meters of SCP-XXXX's containment cell quickly begin sobbing similarly.
The two remaining subjects of SCP-XXXX's alteration effect appear distressed and request to be allowed to visit SCP-XXXX to provide comfort. The requests are granted upon an executive decision, after several personnel affected by SCP-XXXX's emotional state report their incapacitated status (with audible difficulty speaking). Security staff assigned to XXXX's containment cell allow subjects in at ██:██.
After approximately 45 minutes SCP-XXXX sufficiently calms enough to stop crying and personnel returning to the area are no longer compelled to cry, but SCP-XXXX's "children" request "just one more hour" to mourn, which is also granted.
SCP-XXXX containment procedures modified to account for this event. Proposal of weekly visits for SCP-XXXX's "children" is awaiting evaluation granted.
Addendum 2:
Foreword: Interview conducted by Dr. ███████, one of the personnel involved in SCP-XXXX's retrieval. Interview occurred prior to Incident XXXX-1.
<Begin Log>
Dr. ███████: Hello, SCP-XXXX.
SCP-XXXX: Doctor! I haven't seen you since you brought me in here, how have you been?
Dr. ███████: Oh, uh, fine, you?
SCP-XXXX: I've been well! Been treated well enough, though it would be nice to see my children again…
Dr. ███████: I am in fact here to ask you a few questions about that.
SCP-XXXX: Go ahead!
Dr. ███████: How do you select your "children"?
SCP-XXXX: I find people who are unhappy and unfulfilled as they are. People who need a change. And I give it to them. They are happier, yes?
Dr. ███████: It would seem so. They've all reported a… stronger sense of self?
SCP-XXXX: Thank you, darling, that's wonderful to hear.
Dr. ███████: And are you aware of how you make these changes?
SCP-XXXX laughs.
SCP-XXXX: I'll be honest, I never thought much about how it worked for fear that might make it stop. I've been given a gift, dear, I don't know when or how, but it has made people happier and that's what matters to me.
Dr. ███████: Okay, one more thing. When we were testing with D-████—
SCP-XXXX: Amy?
Dr. ███████: Yes. Were you aware of the tests we were conducting yesterday?
SCP-XXXX: Oh no, dear, I have no idea what you were doing in there, I just knew my child was in danger.
Dr. ███████: Do you know how you knew this?
SCP-XXXX: Maternal instinct.
Dr. ███████: Alright, that's all. Thank you for your cooperation, XXXX.
SCP-XXXX: Of course. Always nice to see a familiar face. Have a wonderful day, doctor.
<End Log>
I would have thought it a dream, if not for the glaring fact that I'd woken up at the edge of a forest a mile away from my house. As it is, I still question the reality of what I saw and heard, let alone what I sensed in ways I cannot describe. But for the sake of memory, I will recount it here.
It began at twilight. I was heading home after a long day—later than usual, as the sun had just set—and I heard… no, felt the woods calling me. Like a whisper deep in my heart, which despite my better judgement, I followed.
Now, I have visited these woods many a time in daylight. I have mapped out every creek, every path, I would notice a single tree out of place. And as I wandered deeper, my stomach dropped in realization. This was not that forest I had explored those many times. This was… somewhere else. The foliage thicker, the trees closer together, a place I did not recognize. How and why had I found myself here?
I felt unease creep through me, but a haze lay over my mind, a fog like winter, though the forest's air was clear. I was alert, but sluggish and confused. My senses were not dulled, but my thoughts moved at the pace of sap on bark. The part of my mind that would have thought to turn back was… unconscious, somehow, though I do not suspect I would have found my way back if I had.
As I ventured still deeper, strange sounds made their way to my ears. There was a quiet wind, some rustling, not unusual, but there was also a soft, ethereal rumbling, as if reality itself were shaking in fear.
2. #NotAllEuclids
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The first three known handwritten instances of SCP-XXXX are to be stored in a filing cabinet at Site-█ for reference. All other documents affected by SCP-XXXX are to be edited to remove the effect. No further action is required as affected documents do not retain any anomalous properties.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an effect occurring rarely during the drafting of documents written in relation to containment procedures. This effect has no known source, and there is no known pattern for where and when it occurs, aside from that it will seemingly only affect Foundation documents, and will not affect the same document twice.
When SCP-XXXX occurs, text will appear somewhere in the document stating that not all anomalous objects contained by the facility are dangerous. The exact wording of this varies, but the overall meaning of the statement does not. When occurring within a digital medium, the text appears in bold, or in "all caps" when bold formatting is not available. When occurring in a hand-written medium, the text will appear with a handwriting distinct from that of the researcher, often in a manner that indicates a hasty or careless writing style. This handwriting is not consistent between occurrences of SCP-XXXX, and all attempts to identify any instance of it have failed.
It has been proposed that SCP-XXXX may be a memetic effect, as no researchers report any memory of the change occurring before it is noticed, but due to the nature of the effect testing is difficult and results are so far inconclusive.
A sample of known digital occurrences of SCP-XXXX:
In the description of SCP-106:
you know not all scps are dangerous, right?
In an interview log:
ACTUALLY, SOME OF US AREN'T THREATS TO HUMANITY.
In the containment procedures for SCP-3388:
i am a perfectly well-behaved memetic hazard with the utmost respect for humans and do not appreciate being discriminated against for my classification
In the caption of an image in the document for SCP-2602, which is a former library:
THIS SCP IS PERFECTLY SAFE BECAUSE IT USED TO BE A LIBRARY. NOT ALL SCPS ARE DANGEROUS YOU KNOW
1. The Keyboard
SCP-XXXX in the garage it was recovered from
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept on a desk in a sealed locked room at all times. Only personnel with Level 2 security clearance may use SCP-XXXX for testing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an IBM Model M mechanical keyboard with an SDL socket, produced in the year 1982.
When connected to a computer and used normally, SCP-XXXX exhibits no anomalous properties. However, when any object besides the standard SDL connector comes into contact with any part of the socket, typing on the keyboard and subsequently pressing the "Enter" key will have a wide range of effects on the subject, depending on the object in question and the keys being pressed. Objects of a lesser volume than the interior of the socket itself(Approximately 8 cubic centimetres) do not appear to be affected.
When the subject is a living organism or complex system such as electronic devices, the object will only affect its behavior. When objects with no organic or moving parts are introduced, SCP-XXXX can alter fundamental properties such as mass and basic chemical composition. The mechanisms behind these effects are not known.
Addendum: Dr. █████ Test Log
Subject: Ballpoint pen with blue ink.
Input: "red", Enter.
Result: Pen now writes in red ink.
Input: "orange", Enter.
Result: Pen now writes in orange ink.
Input: "infrared", Enter.
Result: Attempting to write with the pen set the paper on fire. Dr █████ also reported the pen itself as feeling "oddly warm".
Subject: D-4027, male Caucasian, 32 years old, 65kg, 170cm tall.
Input: "testing", Enter.
Result: Subject's body twitches involuntarily.
Input: Enter with no prior input.
Result: No noticeable effect.
Input: the F1 key, Enter.
Result: Subject begins to recite the entirety of the official help manual for the keyboard, in a monotone voice with a blank expression, not appearing to pause to breathe. Subject's finger was removed from the socket but subject continued reciting until finishing the last page, and subsequently collapsing from fatigue. Subject reports feeling "terrified, out of breath and thirsty" by the end of the recitation, and being entirely unable to control their body.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: (TODO)
Description: SCP-XXXX is a proprietary computer, produced by an unknown party claiming to be the Foundation, despite no records of such a computer being produced[[foot note]] investigation into the possible sources of SCP-XXXX is ongoing but has so far produced only loosely-founded theories. See Document-XXXX-B for details. [note]. Information on the device implies it to be a database containing information collected on an "expedition" supposedly conducted by the foundation, however no record of such an expedition is known. Records on the device state it was accessed by "Nobody" repeatedly between the dates of 1 and 9 December 19██.
The device's screen is a CRT monitor which appears to display a 32x16 grid of text; however, the text displayed includes several characters not present in the standard ASCII character set, and seems to be missing lowercase letters entirely. Data on the device appears in a filesystem with a very small set of file types, including the extensions "TXT", "IMG", "AUD", "RUN", and in one instance, "VID".
The "other Foundation" exists in a reality similar to ours, but different. I am not yet aware of the degree, extent or details of these differences, and indeed the Foundation here doesn't seem to be aware of its existence, but it seems that the way they store their information is a bit different.
"Our" Foundation classifies objects based on the difficulty of containment. The "other" Foundation classifies things a bit differently.
Threat Level
Omega: Poses a direct, significant threat to containment and the survival of humanity as a whole. Containment breach considered a Class-I cataclysm scenario.
Gamma: Could cause serious harm to a large quantity of people and/or a major containment breach if not contained.
Beta: Causes harm in a relatively large number of circumstances.
Alpha: Causes harm only if directly handled.
Sub-Alpha: Causes harm only when mishandled in a particular manner.
Neutral: Object's anomalous properties do not cause any notable direct harm to humans. This class is assigned rarely as it is difficult to be certain of this in most cases; Sub-Alpha is usually considered the default for objects with no notable history of harm.
Zeta: Poses a significant threat to foundation security but would otherwise be put at threat level Alpha or lower.
Unknown: Object's threat level cannot be determined for one of various reasons, often relating to cognitohazards.
Anomaly Class
Infohazard: Cognitohazardous object which only affects information.
Cognitohazard: Cognitohazardous object which causes mental effects other than those regarding information.
Physical: An object with primarily physiological anomalous properties (that is, regarding the physiology of the object, anomalies causing physical changes in other objects is generally considered class-T or class-A.)
Transferring: An object with anomalous properties that cause changes in other objects and also cause them to exhibit anomalous properties.
Affective: An object with anomalous properties that cause changes in other objects but do not introduce anomalous properties in affected objects.
Observational: An object with anomalous properties that primarily relate to whether the object is being observed.
Behavioral: An object which exhibits anomalous behavior without being otherwise/physically anomalous.
X: Esoteric or unclassified.
Per 
