spacefelix_skin_sofa

Item #: <UNDESIGNATED>

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: <UNDESIGNATED> is to be kept in a windowless room kept at 80 degF. <UNDESIGNATED> must be fed intravenously with a mixture of saline, carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins and minerals, and washed in a sponge bath with soap and water, and shaved daily by D-class personnel. <UNDESIGNATED> must be connected to biomedical sensors for 24/7/365 monitoring of temperature and pulse to ensure internal temperature is maintained at 98.6 degF and pulse between 60 to 100 BPM such that life functions continue. In the event temperature and pulse are out of parameters, an on-site physician must be consulted to assess the health of <UNDESIGNATED>. In the event that the pulse ceases, <UNDESIGNATED> will be immediately reclassified as 'Euclid' and biomedical monitoring must be supplemented with video observation. An on-site defibrillator may be used to attempt to restart the pulse of <UNDESIGNATED> with at least O-4 approval.

Description: <UNDESIGNATED> is a standard sofa of typical dimensions made entirely of the living skin and flesh of [REDACTED].
<UNDESIGNATED> has been observed to have one mammalian nipple and have normal behaviors of living skin such as sweating when exposed to high temperatures, getting goosebumps when exposed to cold and growing hair. <UNDESIGNATED> has been observed to also get skin diseases such as rashes and sunburn from excessive exposure to sun.
Genetic testing of <UNDESIGNATED> has revealed object to have DNA matches to various organisms. Composition includes species of non-human and human organisms and includes currently living individuals from the London Broughs of [REDACTED]. However, genetic age analysis has dated <UNDESIGNATED> to be approximately over 200 years old.
<UNDESIGNATED> has no labels or indications of origins of its manufacture nor have any means of its' creation have been feasibly hypothesized.
<UNDESIGNATED> was recovered from the residence of YouTube star [REDACTED] living in London, England on XX/XX/2017. <UNDESIGNATED> came into the attention of Foundation personnel when videos of the former owner singing regarding the sale of the object went viral. Foundation personnel were able to secure <UNDESIGNATED> posing as interested buyers and, immediately after purchase, issued prior owner a class B amnesiac. A class C computer 'Hunter-Killer' virus was released to the world wide web to eliminate all digital recordings of the song regarding <UNDESIGNATED> and deliver a memory erasure memetic with effect equivalent to a class C amnesiac.