Secondary Class:
{$secondary-class}
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be clamped shut with a device made from high durability tungsten carbide alloys, and stored in a secure storage locker. Testing requires site director approval.
If classified information is leaked during the active period of SCP-XXXX, all personnel present with insufficient security clearance are to be given Class A amnesics and released.
In the event that SCP-XXXX causes a containment breach, personnel are to follow protocol Sierra-3-Bravo "Parking Garage" and wait further orders.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an object in the appearance of a clapboard used on television and film sets. It was retrieved on May ██ 199█ from the set of the television show ███████ following it's cancellation, where its anomalous properties were unintentionally discovered by an intern. The intern reported the strange behavior to police, where embedded Foundation agents began containment procedures.
The object appears as a standard directors clapboard used on most film and television sets to provide a method for editors to sync video and audio in post production. It cannot be damaged by any conventional means, including acid, fire, kinetic penetrator, chainsaw, and [REDACTED].
The SCP activates when clacked by a human. The clacking must create a noise which would be audible to the user (the artifact does not seem to be affected by deafness)and the action must be deliberate.
The anomalous effect first manifests by selecting a "star," who is a humanoid entity within 500 meters. Selection is pseudorandom, and is biased towards people meeting to the following criteria:
- A moderately active social life.
- Several friends, family, or other close social contacts within the same general region.
- A generally dysfunctional personal life.
- Generally considered 'funny,' or considered outcasts by peers.
This individual (hereon referred to as SCP-XXXX-1-A) will become the nucleus for another round of pseudorandom selection. The SCP will select anywhere from 2-8 other individuals with some personal relationship to SCP-XXXX-1-A, turning them all into SCP-XXXX-1 (hereon referred to as SCP-XXXX-1-B.)
Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 have inherent reality altering properties which all serve the purpose of turning the life of SCP-XXXX-1-A into a scenario resembling television sitcoms circa the year 2000. With several observed effects.
The primary effect of SCP-XXXX-1 is that anyone who interacts with it in any significant way, either through direct physical contact, or verbal conversation, is, for the duration of the interaction, turned into an instance of SCP-XXXX-2. Instances of SCP-XXXX-2 cease to perceive the effects of SCP-XXXX as anomalous. Even after the interaction has ended, SCP-XXXX-2 instances will not remember the events as anomalous unless the anomalous behavior is directly pointed out to them.
SCP-XXXX has numerous minor reality altering properties these include:
- A theme song (SCP-XXXX-3) played at 06:00 exactly in the local time zone. The SCP-XXXX-3 can be heard as long as an observer occupies the same space as any instance of SCP-XXXX-1, out to 500 meters. Any wall or barrier will completely stop SCP-XXXX-3. SCP-XXXX-3 is individualized to the cast in question, and vary in musical style and length.
- Whenever something which the anomaly considers "amusing" occurs, a laugh track(SCP-XXXX-4) can be heard by anyone within the same space out to 500 meters. There is no apparent source for SCP-XXXX-4
- People interacting with SCP-XXXX-1 instances will have wildly different perceptions of time than outside observers. Watches given to SCP-XXXX-2 will also show anomalous time warping up to a factor of [REDACTED]. Footage recording the interaction externally shows no discrepancies.
Injury of either SCP-XXXX-1 or SCP-XXXX-2 is impossible except by SCP-XXXX instances. Death is not a possible outcome of any event caused by SCP-XXXX This rule of non-lethality is as of yet unbroken, including an incident in which the SCP led to [EXPUNGED: SEE ADDENDUM OSCAR-X-1]
The anomaly also seems to be able to create and destroy matter at will, Observed behavior shows objects up to the size of entire buildings being manifested. The only two limits on the reality warping are:
- There must be no permanent deaths resulting from any events created by SCP-XXXX.
- The status quo (from the perspective of SCP-XXXX-1-A) must either be preserved or improved upon. There can be no negative lasting consequences of any of the actions in question.
The SCP is highly unpredictable and the disruption scales directly with the authority of SCP-XXXX-1-A.
The effects of SCP-XXXX last anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months, and end when all narrative threads opened by SCP-XXXX are properly resolved.
Addendum:
Transcript Sierra-A-1
<D-278563 is standing in the testing chamber with SCP-XXXX. Dr. Boehler is in an observation room behind a one-way mirror>
Dr. Boehler: <Via intercom> Alright, pick up the item and clack it, you know how it works correct?
D-278563: I know how a fucking clacker works.
<D-278563 clacks the item. Researcher Hall, who was in the observation room, was selected as SCP-XXXX-1-A>
<A song begins to play, it is a piano tune with two female singers. The singers have yet to be identified>
SCP-XXXX: When he got a degree in psychology, he never expected things to go like this. He has a master's degree from Harvard, but that won't do him much good, for you see he got nabbed by the good old Foundation, the one that contains S C Ps, and you know what! This is gonna be a whole lot of fun!
Dr. Boehler: What the hell? What is that song?
D-278563: What song? I don't hear anything.
<Laughter>
Researcher Hall: Dr. Are you sure you aren't just getting feedback through your hearing aid?
<Laughter>
Dr. Boehler: I'M 34 YOU FUCKING HOG. <Presses the security intercom> Arrest Researcher Hall, he may have been affected by the SCP object.
<Two security officers move in from outside, and begin to handcuff Researcher Hall.>
SCP-XXXX-1-A: So ladies, do you like jazz?
<Immense laughter>
Security-Officer Andrews: Shut it Seinfeld.
<Laughter>
Interview Log
Dr. Kaplan: Hello Mr. Hall, how are you today?
SCP-XXXX-1-A: I don't know, depends on whether or not you give me that raise.
<A small amount of laughter can be heard with no apparent source>
Dr. Kaplan: I'll think about it. How have you been Mr. Hall?
SCP-XXXX-1-A:Light as a feather, without all that gold bullion in my pockets i've been able to move a lot more freely.
Dr. Kaplan: Why were you carrying around gold bullion?
SCP-XXXX-1-A: Because where else am I gonna keep it?
<Moderate Laughter>
Dr. Kaplan: In your dorm?
SCP-XXXX-1-A: And what? Have Karen steal it?
<Laughter>
Dr. Kaplan: Let's get back on track. Who gave you the gold bullion?
SCP-XXXX-1-A: I got it from a Zimbabwean general. I sent him 50 dollars last week, and then he showed up at my dorm yesterday and dropped off a huge crate of gold coins. I didn't know where to keep it so I just took to carrying it around in my pockets.
<Heavy Laughter>
Dr Kaplan: <Pauses to let laughter die down> So you are telling me that you sent money to a guy claiming to be a Zimbabwean general? And you gave him the address to this site?
SCP-XXXX-1-A: I don't know, he seemed pretty trustworthy in the email. Seemed like the right thing to do.
Dr Kaplan: <begins to grind his teeth> Look, I don't give a fuck how trustworthy he seemed, this is a massive violation of operational security! Now I have to send security to go find the Zimbabwean militiamen running around the site! Do you not see why this is a problem?
<Dr. Kaplan angrily storms over to the phone on the wall to call up security, but as he does, the door to the interrogation room opens, and Zimbabwean soldiers storm in. Dr. Kaplan is struck on the back of the head and is immediately incapacitated.
Zimbabwean Commander: Commanda Hall! We heard you had been taken by da man. We have come ta rescue you.
SCP-XXXX-1-A: Thank goodness! Lets get out of here before he wakes up, I really don't want to be around when he does.
<Extreme laughter>
<Security found Dr. Kaplan 5 minutes later, Researcher Hall was MIA for 2 weeks, before returning as if nothing had happened. He said that "There was a coup and I lost." 2 weeks after that incident, the effects of SCP-XXXX ended.>
NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION
This request has been unilaterally denied. We are not going to punish foundation employees who are under the effects of anomalous reality bending SCPs. Especially when said anomalous effect was induced by the person filing the complaint. We aren't going to bother the ethics committee with pointless vendettas. I also do not appreciate the inflammatory language aimed at another employee and an ethics committee vote has been opened on whether or not to terminate Dr. Kaplan.
— Maria Jones, Director, RAISA
Formal Complaint
Plaintiff: Dr. Kaplan
Subject of Complaint: Researcher Hall
Nature of Complaint: Assault by Proxy
SCP Involved: SCP-XXXX
Complaint:
This little piece of shit sicced Zimbabwean militiamen on me in order to get out of standard laboratory testing. From what I can gather he consciously used the effects of SCP-XXXX to get out of the interview, and he is clearly colluding with those [RACIAL EPITHET]
<DOCUMENT EXPUNGED BY ORDER OF RAISA DIRECTOR>
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS LEVEL 4/4000 CLASSIFIED
ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT LEVEL 4/4000 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.
INCIDENT REPORT
OSCAR-X-1
Site: Site-██
Nature of Incident: On site nuclear detonation/reality warping incident.
SCP Involved: SCP-XXXX
Outcome: SCP-XXXX relocated to Site-84, testing suspended. See Addendum Oscar-X-2
Description: The incident was the direct result of Site Director ████ ███████ being selected as SCP-XXXX-1-A. After selection reality warping rapidly began to spiral out of control, leading to the detonation of the on site nuclear warhead (Transcript of the incident is attached below)
While there were no direct casualties, this interaction lead to every SCP, Staff member, and civilian on site to become SCP-XXXX-2 for the duration of its effects. For the next 8 weeks, all personnel, including SCPs, lived in tents within the crater where the site once was. At the end of the 8 week period, the effects had ended, with the spontaneous recreation of the site in question, with significant technological, security, and quality of life improvements. No bill was ever received by the foundation for this massive construction effort.
Due to the location of Site-██ cover story was created involving a failed test of a nuclear █████ ███████ in ████████, Russia. Misinformation campaign has generally been successful.
Transcript Oscar-X-1-A
<Site Director ████ ███████ is spinning around in his office chair, clearly bored out of his mind.>
Site Director ████ ███████:** Bored, bored, bored…
Secretary Karen: Site Director, a fax from O5 Command.
Site Director ████ ███████: AAAAAAAH!
<Site Director ████ ███████ falls back, slamming into the keyboard of his computer.>
Secretary Karen: Sorry Mr. ████ ███████ I should have knocked.
<SYSTEM LOG: HAMMER DOWN PROTOCOL INITIATED: DETONATION IN 5…>
Site Director ████ ███████: SHIT!
<LOG ENDS>
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS LEVEL 5 CLASSIFIED
ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT LEVEL 5 AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION.
Addendum Oscar-X-2-A
O5 Council Vote
Vote: Whether SCP-XXXX should require the approval of the site director for scientific testing.
Yea: O5-1, O5-2, O5-3, O5-4, O5-5, O5-6, O5-9, O5-11 O5-12
Nay: O5-7, O5-10
Abstain O5-8, O5-13
Majority Opinion (Written by O5-1, O5-3, O5-11): Due to the risk which SCP-XXXX poses if it manages to assign a person of great authority as SCP-XXXX-1-A (Site Directors, O5 council members, world leaders) and the significant range of its effects, we have determined that testing requires a great degree of coordination from both site staff, and global Foundation Administration. Therefore Site Director approval is the simplest way of ensuring such a degree of coordination.
Addendum Oscar-X-2-B
O5 Concil Vote
Vote: Whether SCP-XXXX should be relocated to Site-84
Yea: O5-1, O5-2, O5-3, O5-4, O5-5, O5-6, O5-7, O5-8, O5-9, O5-10, O5-11, O5-12.
Nay:
Abstain: O5-13
Majority Opinion (Written by O5-12): Moving SCP-XXXX to permanent storage at a site specializing in reality warping objects and entities is a simple decision given the degree of reality warping the object appears to possess.
Per 
