Sparkee_89-3

Recorded on ██/██/2008 in ███████, California
Dispatcher: 911 what is your emergency?
Fred █████: uh yes, hello, well you see, I'm a farmer and I was sittin on my porch at dusk today.
Dispatcher: uh huh.
Fred █████: and I was watchin' my cauliflowers and then one of 'em started shaking, a real big one, and then it stood up out of the ground.
Dispatcher: What do you mean it stood up?
Fred █████: well my cauliflower was all wriglin' around and then this man just burst out of the dirt with my cauliflower for his head!
Dispatcher: I'm sorry, what?
Fred █████: He had a whole suit and gloves and trousers an' he was just starin' at me. But he didn't have any eyeballs 'cause his head was my cauliflower. But I think he could still see me 'cause he was jus' staring right into my soul.
Dispatcher: Did.. he have any identifying features?
Fred █████: His head was a cauliflower.
Dispatcher: Um. Ok. Can you tell me what happened next?
Fred █████: Well I picked up my rifle and I yelled at him to tell me who the hell he was and he just kept starin' at me with his creepy cauliflower head like he ain't heard nothin'. And then my daughter must 'ave heard my yelling so she came outside and saw the creep, who at this point I knew was straight from Satan, cause Jesus ain't never made somethin' like this.
Anyway, then he turned and saw my daughter. And when he did, he stared wringlin' his fingers all willy nilly. Now I was real mad so I shouted at 'im to get back to hell and gave him a warnin' shot with my rifle. And he musta been real spooked by the noise cause he just turned and bolted into the woods like a deer.
Dispatcher: Ok. Um, thank you for telling me that. I'll, uh, forward this to the sheriff for you.
Fred █████: Alright an' tell him that he better come here fast cause if something isn't done Satan's gonna keep fucking with me cauliflowers.

Note: Both Mr. █████, his daughter, and Dispatcher ███████ were given class B amnestics.