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Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept within a windowless standard humanoid containment chamber. SCP-XXXX's containment chamber is to remain unmonitored at all times. Under no circumstance is SCP-XXXX allowed to exit its chamber, through its own means or otherwise. When SCP-XXXX must be interacted with, the SRA stationed directly outside its chamber must be activated for the entire duration of contact. Any requests made by SCP-XXXX may be granted/rejected after manual review by the on-site Ethics Committee representative.1
Description: SCP-XXXX is a 32-year-old overweight caucasian male by the name of David Habenbauer. Its anomalous properties manifest in a cognitohazardous effect perpetuated by small amounts of realty-bending2 centered on any and all sentient forms of life (hereafter referred to as "victims") within a 100 meter radius. This subtle reality-bending has no effect on its own; it is only when this reality-bending is combined with visual or auditory conformation of SCP-XXXX's existence that causes victims to regard SCP-XXXX with intense friendliness, amusement, and adoration, almost always resulting in dangerous lapses in judgement.
Extensive testing has shown that only seeing 5% of SCP-XXXX's body or listening a 500 millisecond clip of it's voice is enough to trigger this effect and have it be retained within a victim's mind for about one hour after exposure.3 In all cases, victims are unable to remember the period of time when the effect was active. This memory loss is possibly non-anomalous in nature, as testing has shown no traces of amnestics within victims during or immediately after their time under the influence of SCP-XXXX's effect. The true cause of the memory loss is currently unknown.
Discovery: The consequences of SCP-XXXX's anomalous effects resulted in it only having been discovered 15 days after it entered Site-194, directly causing 3 containment breaches, 57 injuries, and █ deaths. Most notable of which was when several researchers under SCP-XXXX's influence "wanted Dave to meet the lizard." As SCP-XXXX has been shown to be mostly cooperative, a more detailed account of events preceding its official discovery can be found below. Although a full video log of the event is on file, due to the inherent security risks a transcription has been provided.
Addendum XXXX.1 - Interview:
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Capt. McIntyre, Dr. █████, and Level 2 Researcher Writt
Foreword: Researcher Writt—supervised by Dr. █████—was recording data regarding a new model of SRA and how it would react under physical stress. MTF Capt. McIntyre was outfitted with the new model and tests were in progress when SCP-XXXX entered the room.
<Begin Log>
[Extraneous Footage Removed]
Dr. █████: That's fifteen minutes. McIntyre, you can stop now.
[Capt. McIntyre slows to a stop on the treadmill used in the test, resting against it while breathing heavily. Researcher Writt moves in to perform a diagnostic on the SRA.]
Capt. McIntyre: Why's it always gotta be… fifteen [Expletive Omitted] minutes?!
Dr. █████: That's standard and you know it is. Writt, the diagnostic?
Researcher Writt: Initial Kant readings are normal, but there seems to be some stra-
[SCP-XXXX opens the door and enters the room appearing despondent, but suddenly clutches its forehead in pain.]
SCP-XXXX: Ow! The hell is going on in here?!
[There is silence for several seconds.]
Researcher Writt: What the f-
Dr. █████: McIntyre, grab him!
[Capt. McIntyre tackles SCP-XXXX, and drags it into the room while Dr. █████ moves to lock the door behind them. After several minutes of frantic argumentation, SCP-XXXX willingly sits down to be interviewed. Capt. McIntyre guards the door while Dr. █████ continues to supervise, leaving Researcher Writt to question SCP-XXXX.]
Researcher Writt: Okay, considering this interrogation is happening at very short notice-
Capt. McIntyre: What a [Expletive Omitted] understatement.
Researcher Writt: -we don't have an official list of questions to ask you. To preface, you will cooperate, yes?
SCP-XXXX: I- Uh, yeah, of course. It's not like I can do much with this spitting headache. Can you tell me the deal with that, and maybe, uh, turn it off?
[Researcher Writt and Dr. █████ exchange a glance. Dr. █████ gives approval.]
Capt. McIntyre: It's probably because of the SRA that is activated nearby. Which means you are at some level a reality bender, and since we do not know your full capabilities at this ti-
SCP-XXXX: Oh [Expletive Omitted], I'm one of those?
Researcher Writt: Yes, as I just said. That means you are a security r-
SCP-XXXX: So that's why people have been raving over me!
Researcher Writt: Please stop- Wait, what? Did you not know of your anomalous abilities?
SCP-XXXX: No! I-I mean, no one's told me [Expletive Omitted] anything! Even before I was abducted and arrived at this godforsaken place, I thought everyone had just gone crazy! Everything was normal, then all of a sudden I was getting [Expletive Omitted] swamped at 7-Eleven! People wouldn't leave me the [Expletive Omitted] alone!
Researcher Writt: Do you remember anything of importance happening the day before this ability first manifested? Perhaps receiving a strange item, or someone saying something to you?
SCP-XXXX: Pfft, really?! I hadn't talked to anyone in over two weeks before then! I hadn't had any human contact at all except…
Researcher Writt: Except?
[SCP-XXXX puts its head in its hands and sighs.]
SCP-XXXX: An IRC chatroom for Gamers Against Weed. That's what GAW stands for, isn't it?
Researcher Writt: That is correct.
SCP-XXXX: …This is all my fault.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: After further deliberation, backup arrived and SCP-XXXX was escorted to a temporary holding cell. After an unintentional escape attempt, SCP-XXXX was moved to its current location.
Addendum XXXX.2 - Request Log:
| Request #: 001 | Date: 11/6/16 | UoR:5 Medium |
| Description: A Television & Computer. | Accepted | |
| Reason for Decision: Due to the unique circumstances of SCP-XXXX's abilities, it is not allowed to exit its containment chamber. The strain on its mental health will be extremely detrimental if not dealt with. Therefore, the addition of these items shall be made. However, its internet use will be monitored at all times to prevent security leaks. | ||
| Request #: 002 | Date: 12/24/16 | UoR: N/A |
| Description: For Santa to visit, and leave a present. | N/A | |
| Reason for Decision: This decision was made without authorization by Security Guard Attis, who was in SCP-XXXX's rotation. The transaction was not able to be stopped, as I and the Site Director were only informed of this after the fact. However, the positive boost in morale shown by SCP-XXXX has left Security Guard Attis without reprimand. He will merely be moved out of SCP-XXXX's rotation. | ||
| Request #: 003 | Date:1/13/17 | UoR: Low |
| Description: The return of James Attis into rotation. | Denied | |
| Reason for Decision: We cannot allow events like the previous one to perpetuate by allowing someone with bias towards SCP-XXXX access to its chamber. Therefore, Security Guard Attis must be left out of rotation. | ||
| Request #: 004 | Date: 2/20/17 | UoR: High |
| Description: The amendment of its containment procedures, so to remove the need to turn on an SRA every time personnel enters its chamber. | Denied | |
| Reason for Decision: It is too much of a security risk to allow such behavior. It is indeed unpleasant for SCP-XXXX to experience pain every time it sees another person, but is is necessary to prevent a containment breach. | ||
| Request #: 005 | Date: 3/2/17 | UoR: High |
| Description: The return of James Attis into rotation. | Denied | |
| Reason for Decision: See Request 003 for the previously stated reason for this decision. If this is requested again, SCP-XXXX will lose its ability to request for 3 months. | ||
| Request #: 006 | Date: 5/5/17 | UoR: Medium |
| Description: Access to read its own file. | Accepted | |
| Reason for Decision: There is no reason to keep this information from it. If it wants to know, then it would simply be cruel to not allow it to know. | ||
| Request #: 007 | Date: 5/5/17 | UoR: Medium |
| Description: To be referred to by a non-dehumanizing pronoun. | Denied | |
| Reason for Decision: Special treatment cannot be given to individual SCPs; It is imperative that formality is maintained. Therefore, SCP-XXXX's file will not be edited to cater to its wants. | ||
| Request #: 008 | Date: 5/7/17 | UoR: Low |
| Description: A jump rope, to exercise with. | Accepted | |
| Reason for Decision: This could allow SCP-XXXX to improve its self image. However, due to the potential uses of a rope, a GPS shall be discretely installed into the jump rope. SCP-XXXX will not be informed of this. | ||
Addendum XXXX.3 - Suicide Attempt: On 5/8/17, SCP-XXXX attempted to end its own life. The security guards were informed of this immediately when the GPS was detected in contact with the ceiling. SCP-XXXX was able to be stopped before it hanged itself. The jump rope was confiscated, and SCP-XXXX was given a walkie-talkie with access to an on-site psychologist.
SCP-XXXX's ability to request has been revoked until its mental health has improved.
Addendum XXXX.4 - Original Documentation: After SCP-XXXX's capture, a joke article was found under its designation. As the researchers responsible for writing the article did not remember doing so—and in fact were unable to prevent themselves from doing so—they have not been reprimanded. The joke article in question can be found below.
Item #: SCP-XXXX-J
Object Class: 2Cool4U [sic.]
Special Containment Procedures: He can't leave. We love him too much.
Description: David Habenbauer is 5'4", weighs 320lbs, and is a really fuckin[sic.] cool dude. He is so funny, you'll bawl your eyes out from laughing so hard. He always knows exactly what to say in any situation. That's his anomalous power.6 Everything he does exhumes his presence as both a mad lad and a chad. He could get all the girls he wanted, but he doesn't even care. He's always saying stuff like "Stop, I'm serious, guys." and "Can't any of you tell me where the fucking exit is?" Classic. Motherfucking. Dave.
Addendum: I remember this one time when we spotted Dave, he walked into the room we were in and immediately started running in the other direction. So, we start running after him, wanting to talk and just hang out with him, and he's saying stuff like "Get the fuck away from me!" And we're like nahhhh[sic.] Dave, we gotta catch you since you all of a sudden decided that you want to play tag or something. So he rounds the corner and runs right into Captain McIntyre, and we were all like ooooooooh[sic.], Dave's gonna get court marshaled! But then McIntyre gets this big grin on his face and joins in on the chase. of course, Dave was no match for him, and was quickly caught. He was so angry he lost that he was doing this whole fake crying routine—it was some movie level acting, he was sobbing and everything. Ah, the memories.
