Stalled Conversation

SCP-4281. SCP-4281-1's location is marked with a white arrow.

Item #: SCP-4281

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The entrance to SCP-4281 should remain locked and marked with an "out of service" sign. Two security personnel disguised as casino security are to be posted outside SCP-4281 at all times. Unauthorized individuals found trespassing inside SCP-4281 are to be questioned, then receive Class-A amnestics. Communication with SCP-4281-1 is forbidden outside of approved testing.

Description: SCP-4281 is a lavatory stall located inside the first floor men's washroom of the Holy Roller casino, Las Vegas, Nevada.

SCP-4281-1 is a sapient entity residing inside this stall. Visual confirmation of SCP-4281-1 is only possible via the 20cm gap under the stall's walls/door. As such, SCP-4281-1 has only ever been observed as the calves of a white male, wearing white-red striped socks and blue-white 1995 Adidas Orion running sneakers.

Remote viewing and autonomous drone technology fail within a 2m2 area of SCP-4281. Thermal imaging has shown the stall to be empty. Attempting to enter SCP-4281 by force will always result in SCP-4281-1 shouting “Occupied!” in a mild, south-west American accent. Attempts to view SCP-4281-1 over or under the stall walls will result in a similar vocalization, such as “Hey, uh, little privacy here buddy?”. Anyone hearing these exclamations will be overwhelmed with a feeling of intense embarrassment. Test subjects wearing sound-blocking technology or possessing a hearing impediment are still purview to this effect. Individuals who manage to look inside SCP-4281-1's stall are wholly incapable of describing the interior.

When an individual enters the stall directly adjacent to SCP-4281, within 10-15 seconds SCP-4281-1 will begin conversing with the occupant. SCP-4281-1 is described as up-beat, and will often give lengthy personal anecdotes, state opinions on current affairs, and offer unsolicited advice. SCP-4281-1 will continue speaking regardless of response, or a lack thereof, often bridging natural pauses in discussion with phrases such as “That’s right, huh? Of course it is.”, “Another thing about that…”, “And, heck, you know what that reminds me of?”

While most often discussing mundane topics, SCP-4281-1 has, on rare occasions, demonstrated an insight into various anomalous subjects, including thaumatology and hemogenic evocation. Additionally, SCP-4281-1 appears to possesses a great deal of personal and classified information on the Foundation, and several GOI's. Attempts at guiding the conversation towards these subjects has proven highly ineffective, as SCP-4281-1 seems unwilling or incapable of deviating from it's chosen “discussions”. As such, the full scope of SCP-4281's knowledge, or how it is acquired, is currently unknown.

Test Log - SCP-4281-1-01

Test Log - 4281-1-01

Interviewed: SCP-4281-1

Interviewer: Dr. M. Clarke.

Foreword: The Holy Roller Casino was shut down under the guise of routine maintenance. Dr. Clarke then entered the stall adjacent to SCP-4281-1. The purpose of this test was to make initial contact with SCP-4281-1, and determine it's origin.

<2:13AM ██/██/████ Begin Log>

Dr. Clarke: Good evening. My name is Dr. Clarke. I represent a-

SCP-4281-1: Mornin'!

Dr. Clarke: … I represent-

SCP-4281-1: 'Course, some people say "evenin'" around this time, but Ifn' you want to get technical, it's mornin'. Not that I mind personally, but y'know, just in case you want to be extra accurate on that log of yours.

Dr. Clarke: Yes, well… thank you. So you are aware you're being recorded?

SCP-4281-1: 'Course! I don't mind. Honestly, it's kinda flatterin'! Y'know, I once met a fella' who claimed he invented the tape recorder. The portable one, I mean. 'Course, his wasn't like those fancy little doohickeys you're using, no no. His was this big ol' backpack with long spools of- whatsitcalled- record tape. Anyway! He tried to sue Phillips when they started makin'-

Dr. Clarke: I'm sorry, if I could ask you some-

SCP-4281-1: -ttle tapes, y'know. But he, Carter I think his name was, he didn't trust lawyers, or the courts! Since, a'course, they were recording all the testimony by then. He claimed they were 'in league with the enemy', the crazy S.O.B.! Now, his brother on the other hand-

Dr. Clarke: I'm sure that's very in-

SCP-4281-1: -ad a real successful textile business, and God bless 'im, he tried to get some of his little brother's inventions off the ground but-

After 23 minutes of sitting and listening to SCP-4281-1, Dr. Clark signals to terminate the test, citing the unlikelihood of gaining and critical information.

SCP-4281-1: -ut you know, the dog wouldn't give it up! Hah! The ol' boy musta' thought it was a lil' red hissin' snake or somethin'! So, a'course, ka-boom he went! Poor Carter, he loved that dog. Sure, he shouldn't have had dynamite lyin' around near a lit blowtorch, but he'd be-

Dr. Clarke: Yes, well, it's been… very pleasant speaking with you. Have a good evening, or morning if you'd like. We'll resume this at a later date.

SCP-4281-1: -nths! Years even he was working on it! Honestly, I think the explosion knocked some sense into him, cuz the next dang day he cracked the [DATA EXPUNGED] principle, y'know, when you combine [DATA EXPUNGED] with the Closed Third Circle, just like the hemet-netjer did back in ol' Nubia. Ta-da! New dog! He was just like the old one, except the eyes were all-

Dr. Clarke: … Hold on, what? You- hold on. Coms, did you get that? Yes. Yes I'm going to continue the test. SCP-4281-1, can you repeat that? Are you saying you're familiar with both [DATA EXPUNGED] and Heka blood rituals?

SCP-4281-1: Oh I'm heck-a sure I am! Hah! Just a little river-valley joke for ya. 'Course, you probably know those rituals are a messy business! 'Aint worth botherin' with, if you ask me. That-there dog ended up with an awful temper, eatin' all the meat out of the fridge, puttin' claw marks in the car door. Real active on walks though, kept ol' Carter in shape I guess b-

Dr. Clarke: No, not the dog. Could you go back to th-

SCP-4281-1: -orth it. barkin' at nothin' all the time! Or at least, nothin' Carter could see. Eventually he tore through the last of the furniture, so the only thing left in the house to really claw at was-

Dr. Clarke remained in the stall for an additional 3 hours, fruitlessly attempting to guide the conversation back to topics of interest. The test was officially terminated at 5:56AM, roughly an hour after SCP-4281-1 began discussing his favorite types of bean salad.

<End Log>

Test Log - SCP-4281-1-05

Test Log - 4281-1-01

Interviewed: SCP-4281-1

Interviewer: Researcher O. Holland

Foreword: The Holy Roller Casino was shut down under the guise of routine maintenance. Researcher Holland then entered the stall adjacent to SCP-4281-1. The purpose of this test was to try a variety of tactics to gain information from SCP-4281-1.

<2:13AM ██/██/████ Begin Log>

[36 minutes of irrelevant discussion expunged]

SCP-4281-1: Anyways, his ol' Pa had given him that pick-up truck, and damned if it hadn't lasted. They don't make American like that anymore. 'Course, finding a replacement for the drive shaft was a real' heckn' problem, but that's what ol' Bill deserved after driving it off that dirt mound! Y'know, Bill's sister-

Holland: SCP-4281-1, once again, we'd like to discuss what you know about the Serpents Hand. You previously mentioned individuals who have directly dealt with the Black Queen. Please elaborate.

SCP-4281-1: -n' tried to paint it pink! Can you imagine that? Oh, sorry there bud, what was that? Oh! Yeah! Hah! You know, that crazy ol' snake lady had hair kinda' like Bill's sister! All long and dark. She wanted to cut it, and give it to charity, but her Ma' wouldn't let her. Meredith had an old fashioned way of thinkin', see. "Girls shouldn't have short hair" she'd say. Now, personally, I think-

Holland: What do you want SCP-4281-1? I'm asking you directly. We've offered you food, entertainment, and even a free exchange of information. Do you want us to resume foot-traffic into the restroom? Do you want regular attendants? Are you somehow trapped inside that stall? We have a great deal of resources at our disposal, but we need you to tell us what you want.

SCP-4281-1: Aw shucks, son. I'm just fine! You Ess-Pee-Cee folks have enough on your plate without worryin' about old me. It's the sign of a true American cowboy to be self-sufficient, y'know! 'Course, kids these days with their phones, everyone has to be connected all the dang time-

Researcher Holland removes his glasses, and rubs the bridge of his nose.

Holland: Is there anything I can say to make you-

SCP-4281-1: -n' their chat-snaps and such. I remember when you needed to take your photos in to get developed! Oh it was a pain, sure, but the wait made those pictures special! And the folks down at the camera store really had a passion for it, y'know? 'Course, the sort of pictures kids take these days, why bother puttin' em on paper? Honestly, some god damned decency isn't the worst id-

[1 hour, 12 minutes of irrelevant discussion expunged]

<End Log>

Test Log - SCP-4281-1-13

Test Log - 4281-1-13

Interviewed: SCP-4281-1

Interviewer: Researcher C. Williams.

Foreword: The Holy Roller Casino was allowed to continue running normally during this test. SCP-4281 was unlocked, and given the appearance of resumed public access. During the test, Foundation Security discretely warded people away from SCP-4281. Researcher Williams then entered the stall adjacent to SCP-4281-1. Researcher Williams was instructed to pose as a typical casino patron, and attempt a "personable" approach to gain information from SCP-4281-1.

<12:31AM ██/██/████ Begin Log>

Researcher Williams enters the stall, and sits down. After a pause, SCP-4281-1 engages conversation.

SCP-4281-1: Hey hey, doin’ alright in there bud?

Williams: Oh, yeah! Having a great time tonight! Name’s Cam.

SCP-4281-1: Good to know ya’ Cam! You know, I met a Cam once, out in West Bank, had to be fifteen years-

Williams: Oh hey, say, what’s your name?

SCP-4281-1: Ah I’m just an old rambler, but Cam, my Cam y’know, he was the kind of fella who-

Williams: Oh yeah, hah, we all know a guy like that. We had lots of them back East. So where are you from?

Given previous conversations, Researcher Williams had been instructed to aggressively head off SCP-4281-1 to prevent a "rant", while still appearing friendly.

SCP-4281-1: Wherever the wind takes me, you know how it is! Well, no, you don’t. You never even left Warrenton before all this! I guess that’s East of somethin’, all things relative, so I won’t call you a liar.

Williams: I-… hah, you got me buddy. Caught my accent huh? I traveled West to get here so-

SCP-4281-1: Oh-ho-ho! Not bad! "Never lie. A half-truth is much easier to swallow." Agent Porter would be proud!

Researcher Williams goes silent, awaiting instruction. Director Imani, his handler, tells him via earpiece to continue the test.

Williams: Alright, since you know who I work for, I'll stop with the pretense. Honestly though, I'm just here to chat. I want to get to know you! My name actually is Cam-

SCP-4281-1: You hate bein’ called Cam. Always have. ‘Creepy Cam’.

Williams: That-… what?

SCP-4281-1: That’s what they used to call ya, right? ‘Creepy Cam’. Hah! Not very creative. Then again Matt never was the thinkin’ type. Big though. Big, mean, held back two years, Daddy always givin' him the belt. He took that out on you, the little bastard. Him and his gang.

Williams: Yes- well, I’m sure you’ve got plenty of stories abo-

SCP-4281-1: ‘Creepy Cam’, always reading those big old books, dressing in black, drawing strange little doodles in his notebook. Smart as a whip, didn’t even need to try. Matt resented that, y’know. The guidance counselor was right, he was jealous! 'Course, knowing that didn't stop him from shovin' you in a trash can. That wasn't so bad though. Now mouthin’ off about your Ma, that was the worst. Even Matt regrets that. He didn't know, y'know? He didn't know she'd gotten sick. He feels bad about crossing that line, even today. He even apologizes to you in his sleep, then wakes up with wet eyes.

Williams: L-… Listen, could we talk about something else? I don’t think-

SCP-4281-1 creates a thumping sound against the dividing wall, three open-palm slaps.

SCP-4281-1: Ah cmon, buck up! It got better, right? Matt’s off pumping gas these days, and look at you! Big fancy science man at a secret lab! Hoo-wee! If those kids could see you now!

Director Imani calls to terminate the test given SCP-4281-1's current topic. Researcher Williams stands, and moves to open the door.

SCP-4281-1: Hey, whoa there! I didn't mean to offend! I thought we were getting to know each other!

Researcher Williams exits the stall. SCP-4281-1 is heard shouting.

SCP-4281-1: Hey, cmon Cam- er, Cameron! It's all in the past, y'know? You're a popular guy now! Lots of "creepy" friends, right?

Director Imani instructs Researcher Williams not to engage. Researcher Williams moves to exit the washroom.

SCP-4281-1: Shame whats happening to Lawrence though!

Researcher Williams stops with his hand on the door, pauses, then turns and re-enters the stall. Director Imani reitterates that the test has ended.

SCP-4281-1: Not surprising, y'know. He never was quite as clever as you. Kind, though. Real kind. Sat with you on that first day, introduced you to everyone, even taught you how to kick the vending machine just right for a free soda! Good man, good man. Doesn't deserve what's happening to him, no sir.

Williams: What do you mean "happening". Lawrence is… he's dead.

Director Imani tells Researcher Williams not to divulge any additional information. Researcher Williams disconnects his earpiece and microphone, dropping them to the stall floor.

SCP-4281-1: Hah! Dead!? Not by half! Real kick in the pants, that. ‘Course, if I walked into a big angry cave full of screamin' rocks I’d sure-

Williams: Wait, please, what do you mean?

SCP-4281-1: -think twice about not bringin' a map! Heck, I nearly got lost one time in this big ol’ K-Mart off the I-29. Y’know, back in-

Williams: Wait, just wait-!

SCP-4281-1: - the day before they shut down. Funny story there. See, the manager of that-there K-Mart had a-

Williams: Please, please just stop talking for one second! Please! Is Lawrence alive!? How can I find him!?

Security personnel enter the washroom. Researcher Williams is advised to leave the stall.

SCP-4281-1: -welve horses! Can you believe it? The poor kid on cash was there with a mop until past midnight just tryin' to-

Williams: Wait! Guys- just listen, he knows something about- No, please, just give me another five minutes to-

Security Officer ███: [REDACTED]

After a short pause, Researcher Williams is voluntarily escorted out of the washroom.

SCP-4281-1: So I said to him- Oh! Uh, well, alright then! Have a good night fellas! Come back any time!

No audio is recorded for 4 minutes.

At 1:49AM, Researcher William's microphone picks up several labored breaths, and a long, deep sigh. SCP-4281-1 is heard speaking quietly.

SCP-4281-1: God dang it. Things were going so well. What'd I do wrong? People like talkin' about themselves, right? … I shoulda' just told him the trucker story. Everyone loves that story. Or maybe I shoulda' mentioned-… nah, he would have found that boring. Maybe I coulda'- no, that's just stupid. Dang it. Dang it!

Another 10 seconds elapse.

SCP-4281-1: Dang it.

Another 45 seconds of silence follows.

SCP-4281-1: …Why am I like this.

<End Log>

Discussion notes:

Image source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Public_restroom_at_an_Iowa_rest_area.jpg

This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.

Thanks to Leveritas for his crit. Thanks also to multiple users from #site19 and #thecritters for their help with this. If we traded drafts, let me know, and I'll link you here.

After the positive feedback I received for my tale A Fond Farewell I decided to push forward with one of my SCP ideas, and submit. I hope you enjoy!