Starbright

SCP-YEET-J_{i'll replace the yeet part soon i promise}

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-YEET-J may only be removed from its Standard Anomalous Item Locker by Clearance Level 2 personnel with approval from site command. Guards must accompany personnel at all times until SCP-YEET-J is returned to its locker. Personnel are strictly forbidden from viewing or playing SCP-YEET-J. Doing so is grounds for immediate termination. Should an SCP-YEET-J-2 instance breach containment, MTF Epsilon-11 ("Nine-Tailed Fox") are to be dispatched to neutralize the instance. Contained SCP-YEET-J-1 instances are to be housed in a standard Humanoid Containment Unit. SCP-YEET-J-2 instances require a Anomalous Humanoid Containment Unit with at least 3 installed Scranton Reality Anchors. SRAs should be inspected and maintained on a bi-weekly schedule. Basic hygiene must be enforced daily.

Description: SCP-YET-JEET-J is a ████ brand standard compact disk. The front side of the disk has the phrase "Totaly^[sic] Legit and Epic Guide to Being a Ninja!!!" and the date 12/26 written onto it with a black permanent marker. Copies of SCP-YEET do not share the item's anomalous properties.

SCP-YEET-J contains the entirety of the original "Naruto", despite the disk's incapability to store such an amount of data.

When a human views at least 5 hours of the disk's contents, one of three scenarios will occur:

1. SCP-YEET-J's properties fail to manifest.
2. The viewer will experience a massive personality shift. Regardless of prior personality, tests upon affected humans universally show signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and delusions of grandeur, with some cases showing signs of extreme schizophrenia and insanity. These instances are hereafter designated as SCP-YEET-J-1.
3. A SCP-YEET-J-2 instance is created

If the viewer ceases viewing SCP-YEET before the 5 hour cutoff point, SCP-YEET-J's properties will fail to manifest. Class-B amnestics have also proven effective in reversing the effects of SCP-YEET-J

The chance of SCP-YEET-J's properties manifesting varies depending on the viewer. SCP-YEET-J's properties manifests 99% more frequently when the viewer:

• Is a male
• Is over or under weight
• Is a frequent consumer of Japanese animation
• Has few to no friends
• Spends at least 18 hours indoors per day
• Is unemployed
• Has poor personal hygiene

Affected individuals will attempt to create a sword, most commonly a katana, as soon as SCP-YEET-J's properties manifest, using whatever materials at hand. Notable used materials include:

• Drink cans
• A Nvidia GTX-2080 TI Graphics Card
• A cardboard box filled with dried █████
• Fleshlights
• Improvised Fleshlights
• A jug filled with urine
• An M24 Rocket Launcher
• Body pillows depicting characters from Japanese animation

Instances express the belief that their weapon is of extremely high quality and perfectly suited for combat, despite their universal flaws of subpar materials or design, similar to the psychotronic effect of SCP-572. Research into a possible connection of the two is ongoing.

An SCP-YEET-J-2 instance being created has an 3% chance of occurring. Affected individuals will gain various anomalous abilities, including but not limited to:

• Teleportation
• Creating sentient clones
• Shapeshifting
• Necromancy
• Flight

Both types of instances will feel an inexplicable and overpowering urge to travel to crowded areas and attempt to attack any bystanders. This effect begins roughly 8 hours after manifestation of SCP-YEET-J's effects. If affected individuals are prevented from doing this, instances will begin making high-pitched, long-winded vocalizations while either resting in a fetal position or manically rolling upon the ground. These episodes tend to last approximately 3 hours.

+ Open Discovery Log

On 5/18/██, Foundation webcrawlers were notified of several web searches with numerous keywords involving the SCP Foundation. MTF Epsilon-6 ("Village Idiots") were dispatched to search PoI-1556's residence in ██████████, California. Upon arrival, the residence was found to be deserted¹. SCP-YEET-J was located upon a desk alongside the ashes of a burned sheet of paper.

+ List of Relevant Searches Made

• Devin █████²
• Cognitohazards
• SCP Foundation
• Memetic Hazard
• Reality Bender
• Anart
• Overseer Council

+ Journal Entries

5/10/██: I swear to god I've FUCKING HAD IT. This goddamn fuckin_[sic][incomprehensible] CHAD-KUN won't fuckin SHUT UP. That bastard of a step-dad WON'T stop bothering me who the FUCK cares about getting a job? That baka [DATA EXPUNGED] wouldn't know a good idea if it bit him in his tiny, shriveled [REDACTED]. When I finish my app and it takes off, we'll see who's laughing, THAT [DATA EXPUNGED] SON OF A [incomprehensible]

11/18/██: Hell, why should I have to make the app? My talents and sugoi IQ levels would be wasted on such trivial things. As an conessiour_[sic] of the Internet and computers, I should be able to find something on how to create a clone to do my dirty work while I busy myself with more dignified tasks.

11/29/██: I've posted to several forums on the about my master plan, but those bakas just LAUGHED AT ME, THOSE BASTARDS, HOW DARE THEY MAKE FUN OF ME? I told them that I was going to fry their computers and doxx them. My Low Orbit Ion Cannon wasn't working right, but it doesn't matter, those bakas were so scared, they took down their site and just replaced it with a red hammer. Truly, another victory that I'll tell m'lady about later on Twitter.

12/19/██: Some guy messaged me on one of the forums, saying that he knew what I was trying to do. He said he knew how to enchant things with some weird occult stuff, and that he'll let unleash my true potential with a video or something, as long as I complete some Quest, which he said he'll tell me about later. Surely the universe gave me this chance because I, and I ALONE, am the CHOSEN ONE. Yes, that's IT, I'm DESTINED to become the MASTER OF THIS REALM, I AM A[Liquid damage]

Footnotes

1. PoI-1556 was later found in a routine Foundation database sweep in ██████ County Jail, under arrest for armed assault and brandishing of a weapon. PoI-1556 was brought into Foundation custody on 6/25/██.

2. Presumably the individual who sent the item. Attempts of locating this individual have been unsuccessful.