If you are a new author, 
- Nunc et Diende
- dinner
- Endless Night
- 3477
- The Statue, The Original.
- Highway
- Conflict in Every Arena
- War on All Fronts Anastasis
- Paranormal Investigators
Numero Rei: SCP-MMMDCCXCVII
Genus Rei: תאומיאל
Quantitas Periculi: Album ○
Formulae Præcipuae Continendo: Quod nondum est SCP-MMMDCCXCVII, non postulat continendum.
Descriptium: SCP-MMMDCCXCVII erit telum poterit terminātūrus esse scopum in praeterium. SCP-MMMDCCXCVII adhibebitur quidem olim, (at an indeterminate date in the future), terminare SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC (at 0742 UTC 06/13/2015). Iam est incognitus quomodo operabitur.
SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC fuit un deus. SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC sciebat omnium, sed nec sciebat rerum futuruam. De plus indicina collectum ex soporato SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC, vide primum scriptum de SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC.
(At 0739 UTC 06/13/2015,) SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC excitavit, ut praemonuit, et coepit peperisse (a CK-Class Restructuring Scenario). Interfectio assensus est prohibere hunc. (MTF) Ω-IX ("Tirones") et (MTF) Ω-XII ("Calcanea Achillis") conabuntur terminavisse SCP-MMMDCCXCVII, sed (all such efforts) prohibebantur (by SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC's reality-altering capabilities).
Insignium Officii Temporalis.
(At 0742 UTC 06/13/2015,) exempla plures centum insignium Officii Temporalis apparuerunt super SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC. (Five seconds later), omnis caro de SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC decrustavit. LXXII amplia exempla insigium Officii Temporalis inventus sunt in [terra] circum [the previous location] de SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC.
Hoc tempore, machinae usus Officio Temporali deprehenderunt (a high energy temporal displacment) venturus futuro.
Praedictio praesens rerum futurarum est ut Officium Temporalis potuerit terminavisse SCP-MMMDCCXCVII-ARC per (placing the cause of its death after its death, preventing it from knowing of its termination and using its anomalous capabilities to prevent such an event.)
Department of Temporal Anomalies —> Officium Temporalis
From: Site Director Kennsington <jkennsington@foundation.scp>
To: several people
Subject: July 2018 Site-17 Protocol Bacchus
Date: July 6th, 2018
To all,
You have been selected for this month's enactment of Protocol Bacchus - the containment methodology of SCP-3377 - at Site-17. You may have performed Protocol Bacchus at Site-17 before, you may have performed it at other sites, or you may have never performed it before: anyone is equally capable of executing the protocol. (For those of you that have never performed it before, let me assure you that it is a zero-danger protocol, and this is in no way punitive — this isn't Keter duty!)
For those of you familiar with Protocol Bacchus from another Site, a brief note: Site-17 has been selected as a testing ground for a slightly modified version of the procedure, with multiple individuals rather than two. This appears to be a more efficient version, and will likely be introduced to other Sites after the formal review.
For those of you that do not possess the proper clearance for SCP-3377, the following are the salient points of Protocol Bacchus:
Protocol Bacchus:
Selected personnel are to enter the Site-17 Wine Cellar and remove one bottle of wine. They are then to go to the Site-17 Administrative Dining Room and eat the prepared dinner, consisting at least partially of a rare steak in a Bearnaise sauce and a freshly-fried potato. They are to share the wine, and have a conversation over the dinner.Please be at the Site-17 Administrative Complex Lobby at 7:00 PM, July 13th. Formal dress is not required, but appreciated. Attendance is mandatory.
Thank you,
Site-Director Kennsington
Extranormal Event #: EE-091
Event Description:A Class 2 Time Dilation effect occurred, in which internal observers reported a period of time lasting for several weeks, which externally lasted for one second.
Additionally, all individuals within the area at the time were subjected to a memetic affect preventing them from intentionally harming or attacking other individuals within the area.
Date of Event: November 6th, 1918
Location: battlefield
Follow-Up Events: All soldiers present were administered Class B amnestics and returned to military service. Their journals and records from the event have been confiscated, and a full log of the events is available as Document EE-091.
Document EE-091
UPDATE - JUNE 1928
happy ending
A creatured who was half-shark and half-man crawled out of the ocean on Australia. He had a mission, given to him by High Emperor Kavulak II himself - to rally his political allies and lead military operations against the usurpers of the world's greatest dolphin empire. He had been selected for this purpose by their top brass, modified for his mission, and then returned to the surface.
It was vital that he not fail in this mission, for too the Empire had invested far too much time in this action for them to ever look back. This man would find his allies, direct the military, and the Great Barrier Reef would be the Empire's once more, as destined.
The man had absolutely no intention of ever doing that. He had just got his immortality, and he was most definetly not spending it as the thralls of several fascist, rhetorical, and downright mad dolphins. But why not at least seeing about trying to contact his allies?
Soaking wet, he stepped into a phone booth. As soon as he dialed in and identified himself, the call began to be monitored by Foundation personnel, as a result of standard operation procedure concerning entities to claim well-known deceased individuals.
They took over the call not long after they began listening.
Agent Holmwood burst through of the door of the underground and swore. The vampires had dug out a pit on the basement of the warehouse, snaking into the ground. The other members of Gamma-7 ("Von Helsings") came in after him, guns up until they saw the whole. They swore too.
The second best vampire hunters in world1 descended into their favorite arena. Vampires quickly lunged out of their holes, but they were quicker - the slow died.
Vampires hissed and roared, and their cries were drowned out by the steel klaxons of the finest machine guns in the world.2 Dozens charged, and a hail of bullets answered them.
Then Holmwood whipped around a corner to seen an oddly docile vampire. He paused for a second before shooting, and then the face of the zombie rang a bell in his mind. A very specific bell.
"Are you-"
"I am Harold Holt, former Australian Prime Minister." [[footnote]]The former president of Australia, who disappeared during his term
"What the fuck?"
"Oh, you mean my immortality? Why, of course. I turned myself into a vampire. As long as this drink blood, I will continue to live."
"Why?"
"Well, I had always wanted to live forever, you see. Ever since I was a child. But I knew that could never be the case. Then, I get elected Prime Minister and then your-"
"Oh forget it. Don't shoot this one," he screamed to all of comrades.
Many, many, many years from now
It is angry.
The world is empty, and is nobody left who can observe it's beauty. It is without audience, without anyone to behold it. There is
2087
Containment has been automated by now, it has been for some years. A high-powered sprinkler system was all it took to consistently clean the statue and the cell. The system has worked well for some time now.
BANG
A breach is not anticipated, not for years.
BANG
The noises it makes have changed. No more grinding. Just a constant, eternal banging.
BANG
can't it shut up?
2008
Three men in orange suits filed into the room, holding buckets and mops. The floor was covered in blood and shit, and together the stench was sickening. The mixture had built up onto the walls, covering the entire floor. Their boots squelched as they walked.
The mops hit the floor and began to clean. One of the men watched it at all times, shouting whenever he needed to blink.
This was not the first time they had performed the procedure, nor would it be the last.
2004
A comparatively minor Japanese artist has finished his latest work. It is part of a series, but it will go untitled, only referred to with the year of creation. It is an ugly thing, with great green eyes and a splotchy red face. It cannot support itself on, and is forced to lean against the wall at all times.
Normally, the Foundation would not be concerned with such
1993
moved to Site-19
1918
something
1824
However, the documents I have before me present a rather different picture. It appears that the Foundation was not founded in response to SCP-001 at all. Indeed, I cannot find any references to the present SCP-001 prior to 1826. It appears to have been a highly publicised attack by SCP-173 in New York which was the initial impetus for the Foundation's formation. SCP-173's still-unresolved containment breach in 1854 is, I believe, the reason for the alteration of the record; Scranton's embarrassment at
1504
Venice
476
Odoacer sacks Rome, 173 gets loose
- the barbarians break in, get to the panoply of the Praetorian guard
- 173 is there
400 BCE
Socratic Containment Procedures
2800 BCE
Mesopotamia
- the cave scene
10,000 BCE
Gobleki Tepe
a long, long time before that
To call him a man would be inaccurate, for this is long before the dawn of anything that we associate with humanity today. The city is thousands of years from even existing, and he is not even of the same species as the modern man. He is not an ancestor, either - he has no children, and today won't go well for him, to say the least.
He is walking through the
creepypasta
- driving, stops at gas station
- goes in, talks to attendant, looks for snacks
- turns around, dude gone
- goes back out, road gone, surrounding area gone
- eventually things go back to normal
hy-brasil sure is nice, ain't it? lot's of stuff going on
lots of people, different things going on, Site-03 is busy
all sorts of stuff going on
too bad about the looming godzilla attack
"D-952 and D-7294! You're our best D-Class musicians, so you get the honor of playing an ancient Tuatha De Danaan song! Tyrone, why are you here?"
the Foundation doctors (Lloyd, Finnegan, Sinclair, Ruslav) are doing something of note
talking about magic or something idk probably that i think most of these people are magicians or anomalous
humanoid containment transfer (Plague Doctor, Alexei, Armando, Shock, Stacey Lee, Heather Mason, poky, leslie, buddy)
Alexei broods because nobody can understand him but then it turns out everyone can for different reasons (except human stacey lee and 049)
wow there are a lot of cyborgs here
cockroach god vs squirrel god vs rock god
squirrels can eat the cockroaches but that is just letting the enemy into your base
dado establishes his newest establishment: barber and tattoo by dado
classy carlos calls him names, insults business model, lack of punctuation, poor grammar similarity of all scps involving him
really a lot to work with here dado has many problems
maybe the rubber ducks show up and try to extort dado or something
agent johnson, tomas rey and maddison craggs are hunting for something …. unethically (who would have guessed it's so unlike them)
the pataphysical torment corner — Don Quixote, the HERO, Researcher Smalls, ████ ████████, the living joke
argue about heroism or something
realize that because a story is being written about them they now exist, show up in Hy-Brasil because that's where the story is set
Wilson's Wildlife has been commissioned by King Nuada Argeitlam to build a zoo. they bring wobbles, maya, and ringo along
is this outside of their jurisdiction? yes but the tale needs to fucking work okay
Sheldon Katz is negotiating a treaty
probably with the nephew i can't remember the name of even though I named that character
boring legal jargon and such
the gunhead anomalocaris has escaped from the Foundation
he sees the biggest goddamn trilobite ever
turns out the crocosquid has some trilobite in it, because why the fuck not
silly gunhead anomalocaris, you can't kill the crocosquid with your face gun!
crocosquid eats the gunhead anomalocaris
[[span style="font-size: 3em; text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"]]
THE MOTHERFUCKING CROCOSQUID ATTACKS
GODZILLA TIME
[[/div]]
Sheldon Katz is enveloped in flame
so much for negotiations
Wilson's wildlife is crushed under a tentacle
catfish 2 electric fuckwilsonsaloo
the pataphysical torment corner is barely existing and then the crocosquid makes them not at all existing
the MOON CHAMPION falls out of the sky to fight the MOON MONSTERS!
he falls directly into the mouth of the crocosquid oops
agent johnson and tomas rey passionately embrace before they die
dado becomes deado
the roach god and the squirrel god and the rock god are killed by the five god
math over matter
humanoid containment is breached, they decided to band together and run
they fail
rocks fall everyone dies
the doctors are all killed in the Site-03 breach
lloyd survives, tries to run, slips and breaks his skull, dies anyway
the D-Class also die
by this point i have given up entirely
i'll be honest i have no idea who travis kazmarek, clair wythers, nathan snyder or the other nathan are and i'm not reading those tales for a shitpost
let's just assume they have reasons for being in hy-brasil
and they die
do something for an epilogue idk
realize the skeleton of this tale will be better than the actual tale
this is llao's div
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
kirby's dragon
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
cotgb mecha
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
daevite plant monster
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
birb
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
giant tentacle baby
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
a human being with all of its DNA unfolded
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
the crocosquid
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s, when an unknown printer took a galley of type and scrambled it to make a type specimen book.
"So, could you give us a brief recap of the events that have happened in your home?"
Lila Graves leaned in closer to the homeowner, casting a quick glance aside to her partner sitting next to her on the couch, Kole Graves, before looking back to the homeowner with a look of concern. They were a pair of paranormal investigators, the best in the country. They had dealt with hundreds of cases in their time on the job, dealing with each with proficient knowledge of the occult. They had made talk show appearances, published books, and were practically a household name.
What few knew was that they were in fact agents of the Foundation. The role they occupied was unusual - it wasn't quite a cover story, as they often dealt with the paranormal themselves and genuinely helped those terrorized with hauntings. In the same mindset, they still believed in the occult - how could they not? They had exorcized enough demons to be sure of it.
The homeowner, on a couch opposite to the duo, wiped the tears from her eyes and began to speak.
"It all started after we moved into this house. We had just gotten married, this was going to be our first house together. It came for a good price, but I expect that's because of the ghosts. We thought it was too good to be true at the time! It was!"
Kole nodded. "It's always the case. People can't deal with the ghosts, so they just sell the house and move on. You did the right thing coming to us: we can help solve this problem."
"A few days after we moved in, we started hearing footsteps wandering around the house. [standard ghost spiel, goes on for a couple long paragraphs]
Lili nodded. "We'd like to ask a few questions, just to establish the type of haunting we're dealing with here. Is that alright?"
"Yes, of course. Anything."
"Did anyone die in this house, or nearby?" This was a standard question, to establish a possible source of any hauntings. It wasn't necessary, but three out of every five actual hauntings the Graves had dealt with had been in homes with previous deaths in them. Vengeful spirits tended to linger when there was negative energy.
The homeowner gulped. "Well… [YES]"
"Have all of your clocks been functioning correctly since this all started?" Temporal resonance, a phenomenon in which two time periods become linked, is often mistaken by a layperson for a haunting but is drastically different in origin and treatment. One easy indicator that is temporal in origin is interference in any time-keeping devices, which often become unsynced.
"Well, yes, they have."
"Have any objects of yours disappeared from the house?" Kole jumped in. "Or have you found any objects you didn't recognize?" Interdimensional overlap also has affects similar to hauntings, with sounds and effects being carried between two similar areas in different dimensions. Unlike a haunting, objects would tend to crossover between planes as well.
"No, neither."
"Have you been having intrusive thoughts, that are not your own?" Certain memetic lifeforms - noncorporeal beings made up entirely of thoughts and emotions - could be mistaken for a ghost, taking up residence in an individual's mind. Any perceptions would be unable to be trusted, having been faked or made up by the memetic entity.
"I haven't, I don't know about the rest of my family…"
[sleep paralysis]
