SCP-5000TastyMoFo22

ERROR: ENTRY EDIT PROTOCOLS HAVE EXPERIENCED DISRUPTION. PLEASE BE ADVISED TO ABANDON ENTRY AND ALERT MTF ‘DIGITAL WIZARDS’

That wont help.

ERROR: BACKUP EDIT TOOLS FAILURE.

Damn straight.

ERROR: TOTAL FAILURE OF STANDARD ADMINISTRATIVE TOOLS AND BACKUPS. POSSIBLE MEMETIC/REALITY/CAUSAL EFFECT. PLEASE BE ADVISED TO ABANDON ENTRY. MTF ‘CONTAMINATION KINGS’ HAVE BEEN ALERTED TO YOUR LOCATION

Who names these task forces? Christ. Also they’re never going to arrive. Don’t worry about it.

WARNING: ARTICLE TAMPERING DETECTED. EMERGENCY DATABASE PURGE

Good luck with that.

WARNING: QUANTUM DELETION TOOLS HAVE FAILED. PLEASE ABANDON ENTRY AND PROCEED TO MEDICAL BAY FOR AMNESTIC TREATMENT USING REFERENCE 241-TGY.

I would suggest staying put and ignoring that message. The Foundation has worked very hard to conceal SCP-5XXX. I have placed the unredacted (clearance level 6) version of this entry within Addendum 2. There is important information you must know prior to viewing the correct copy. You will be rendered brain dead without it.

Item# SCP-5XXX

Object Class: Safe