Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Containment requires the use of a container within another container, made of any material that will not naturally decay or lose shape. These containers must be periodically replaced as SCP-XXXX breaches them. Once the containers become too large, SCP-XXXX must be carefully moved back to a smaller container. In the event of improper containment and the organism's escape, it must be recaptured without its knowledge, as it becomes agitated if it senses it is being contained.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a small bug, similar in appearance to a common ladybug, though wingless, approximately 2.6 times the size, and color inversed (black with red spots, rather than red with black spots). These spots can shift around the body, usually confined to the upper half, though in times of significant distress can move to the lower half as well. The organism can extend a seemingly indestructible needle out of these spots that can puncture any material thus far tested.
If what it punctures is alive, any holes or pores in the area near the needle's puncture site (varying from a 2 square cm to 26 square cm area depending on how agitated SCP-XXXX is at the time of penetration) will quickly extend their own similarly unbreakable needles.
This also means that small enough creatures that the needle punctures could have needles grow from every part of their body, and in such cases they would likely have their own organs punctured by the needles, as they extend inward as far as they extend outward, which is consistently 4.41 times the height of SCP-XXXX itself. The needles SCP-XXXX produces and the needles that grow out of those it punctures seem to be this same length, 4.41 times SCP-XXXX's height outward.
The needles the organism itself directly uses do not seem to extend inward in any similar capacity to organisms that these needles penetrate, and when retracted, seem to disappear. Attempts to determine exactly how the needles appear and disappear, as well as what material they are constructed of, have proven inconclusive, though they strongly resemble the graphite used in pencils.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX should be contained in a secure location undisclosed to those below level-4 clearance. Beyond inaccessibility to those without appropriate clearance, no special conditions are required for the object's containment.
Description: SCP-XXXX is similar in appearance and function to a standard wishing well, the primary difference being that if a coin is deposited, the user's strongest desire at that moment will cease. This can also be used to the same effect on others in exchange for a single higher value coin. This does not seem to be dependent on species or sapience. If the user is to have a desire eliminated, any low value of coin is valid, of an amount below $1 USD.
If instead another's desire is to be eliminated, the value of the coin must be proportional to the intensity of the desire to be removed, with stronger desires requiring higher value coins for removal. The precise intensity to coin value ratio has yet to be determined.
This ability can be used to make docile some of the most aggressive specimens, and some success has already been shown with [REDACTED]. However, the specific requirement of legally valid currency means that affecting those with these intense desires can be prohibitive, due to to the difficulty in acquiring a means of paying for the object's use, especially as coins of these values may not exist. Additionally, the desire intended for removal must also be the most intense desire the target has, as this is the only desire SCP-XXXX seems capable of removing.
A specific target can only be affected once by SCP-XXXX. Any subsequent attempts to target them will fail. Upon use of SCP-XXXX, the user will have any and all desire to use SCP-XXXX permanently removed, essentially making it impossible for the same person to use SCP-XXXX twice, as they will be unwilling to for any reason.
Item #: SCP-6802-J
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: At this time, SCP-6802-J is unable to be contained. A room should be provided with the appropriate accommodations, as per SCP-6802-J's request, should the entity choose to appear. This includes ample space, highly comfortable furniture (at least one well-cushioned couch and chair), at least one wall-mounted 4K flat-screen television, a lava lamp, and a fully stocked kitchen that contains no meat-based items and at least 3 large pizzas with extra cheese and pickles. The room must be designed in such a way that it exudes "chill vibes". Personnel are not to use this room unless preparing it for SCP-6802-J, unless SCP-6802-J requests otherwise, and are not to remove or consume any food from this room unless replacing food that has spoiled or given permission by SCP-6802-J.
SCP-6802-1-J and SCP-6802-2-J may be contained in standard humanoid holding cells without any additional security if brought on site. They may be released after administering appropriate amnestics.
Description: SCP-6802-J is a Class VIII humanoid reality-altering entity resembling a lanky white male approximately 1.9 meters tall with medium-length blond hair and a light goatee. It almost exclusively wears a loose green shirt and baggy maroon pants.
SCP-6802-J has demonstrated various anomalous abilities, including teleportation, superhuman strength, speed, and reaction time, levitation, spontaneous voluntary creation of other anomalous life forms (such as SCP-6082-1-J and SCP-6802-2-J), concentrated energy beams equivalent in strength to those of a major supernova, limited omnipotence, and the ability to warp space-time such that it can make itself, other creatures, and objects unaffected by most physical laws. How it does this is and to what extent it can occur is currently unknown, but thus far no limits have been found. It also shows immunity or resistance to certain cognitohazards. According to SCP-6802-J, these abilities are "less than 5% of what [it is] capable of". The exact meaning of this statement is unclear, but if true, SCP-6802-J's abilities may enable it to cause a YK class end-of-universe scenario if it chooses to.
SCP-6802-J is generally cooperative with foundation personnel, and poses no danger outside of its own voluntary action. As long as its requests are catered to (most of which involve food), SCP-6802-J remains calm and reasonable. It dislikes being insulted, but does not become aggravated by it unless it is persistent. SCP-6802-J will often make a non-violent show of its power if challenged, usually ending confrontation without having to harm the challenger. SCP-6802-J will not hesitate to kill those it sees as a significant danger to others and dislikes harm coming to personnel. Because of this, Class-D personnel should not be intentionally harmed while in the presence of SCP-6802-J.
SCP-6802-1-J is a humanoid entity resembling an elderly white male roughly 1.8 meters in height with medium-length brown hair and a light beard. SCP-6802-1-J has made numerous appearances in popular American media, authored multiple books, is a known conservative political activist, and has a 4 year military service record in the United States Air Force. It is unknown if past events involving SCP-6802-1-J have actually occurred, or if SCP-6802-J has fabricated them through modification of media, records, and memories. SCP-6802-1-J is proficient in forms of martial arts such as Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Judo, but is otherwise no more dangerous than an average human.
SCP-6802-2-J is a humanoid entity resembling a middle-aged white male bodybuilder approximately 1.85 meters in height with short brown hair. SCP-6802-2-J has made numerous appearances in popular American media, especially movies, television, and professional wrestling. It is unknown if past events involving SCP-6802-2-J have actually occurred, or if SCP-6802-J has fabricated them through modification of media, records, and memories. SCP-6802-2-J is proficient in wrestling and is more powerful than an average human, though its strength is still within reasonable human levels.
Addendum 1: SCP-6802-J was discovered though a recording of a bar fight in ████, New Mexico, uploaded to the Internet, involving SCP-6802-J and an unidentified street gang in 2011. SCP-6802-J was recorded defeating the entirety of the present gang members in unarmed combat despite its apparent lack of adequate physical ability to do so, after a gang member threatened the entity and would not back down after being warned. As personnel in Foundation Area-216 were preparing a briefing to be delivered to field agents investigating the possible anomaly, SCP-6802-J appeared on the grounds of Area-216. The specimen was willingly taken into Foundation custody upon arrival, where it was identified as the entity in the recording. SCP-6802-J was then interviewed by Dr. Misaki. The transcript of this interview is below.
Interviewer: Dr. Olivia Misaki, Area-216
Interviewee: SCP-6802-J
<Begin Log>
SCP-6802-J: Like, how ya doin' man?
Dr. Misaki: Hm. Not the introduction I expected.
SCP-6802-J: You work in a secret government facility full of creatures that shouldn't exist, and that's the thing that surprises you?
Dr. Misaki: Generally when a specimen is capable of speech, it's a bit more formal.
SCP-6802-J: Well then you've gotta get yourself some less boring specimens, man.
Dr. Misaki: Mm. Regardless, my goal right now is to determine what I can about you and your origins. Let's start with how you knew about this facility and its purpose.
SCP-6802-J: To be honest, I'm not sure either. I just have this way of knowing when someone's talking about me. You know that feeling when, like, someone's talking about you behind your back, and you can't hear 'em but you just know it's about you? Like, that's basically what it is for me, except they don't have to be near me for me to do it.
Dr. Misaki: And this also allows you to determine their location?
SCP-6802-J: Yes ma'am.
Dr. Misaki: Hm. That still doesn't explain how you knew the purpose of this location.
SCP-6802-J: Like, is it really that hard to figure out? You spend 5 minutes in here and you feel like you're in one of those sci-fi horror movies, man.
Dr. Misaki: Noted. Now, working with you will be much easier and less painful for both of us if you tell me what anomalous properties and abilities you have.
SCP-6802-J: Like, would it kill you to show some emotion, lady?
Dr. Misaki: I don't know yet, 6802-J. That's what I'm here to find out.
SCP-6802-J: 6802-J? Like, what's that?
Dr. Misaki: Your designation. Anomalies such as yourself are typically assigned a numerical designation for reference purposes.
SCP-6802-J: Well what's the J stand for?
Dr. Misaki: I'm interviewing you, 6802-J, not the other way around. Please just answer my questions.
SCP-6802-J: Like, sure lady, just calm down. The real anomaly here is how hard you are to talk to.
Dr. Misaki: Hm. Anyway, we were discussing your anomalous abilities.
SCP-6802-J: Ah, right. Well it'd be easier if I could just show you the ones I know about.
Dr. Misaki: Would that require harm coming to any anomalies, personnel, or Foundation property?
SCP-6802-J: Like, not unless I aim it at them.
Dr. Misaki: Then perhaps this can be arranged. I'd have to speak with my higher-ups about it. In the meantime, please tell me what abilities you have.
SCP-6802-J: All of 'em.
Dr. Misaki: Excuse me?
SCP-6802-J: I said all of 'em. I can teleport, I can fly, I can shoot lasers out of my hands, I can make a triple cheese, lettuce, and tomato sandwich in less than 5 seconds, I can eat an entire box of Scooby Snacks and still be hungry for more…
Dr. Misaki: Scooby Snacks? Aren't those fictional dog treats? This isn't a joke, 6802-J. Please take this seriously.
SCP-6802-J: Like, how seriously do you want me to take it? As seriously as you? You need to chill, man.
Dr. Misaki: If you're unwilling to cooperate with me, I suppose I'll have to see about having you demonstrate your abilities to us at a later time.
SCP-6802-J: Whatever you want, I'm not going anywhere. But could you bring me some pizza? Extra cheese, with pickles, please.
Dr. Misaki: No. I will not bring you pizza.
SCP-6802-J: Like, suit yourself, man.
<End Log>
Interviewer's Note: As I left I locked SCP-6802-J in its cell. After I had left the area, the door to the cell was completely gone, like it had just stopped existing. I can only assume this is one of SCP-6802-J's abilities, though I'm not sure exactly what it did. When questioned about it, SCP-6802-J just repeated its request for a pizza, which it received.
The above interview has been slightly modified. SCP-6802-J has requested that they be designated as a joke specimen to avoid panic should information on them be leaked. Despite the unlikelihood of such a leak occurring, and usual protocol of denying such requests, the nature of SCP-6802-J necessitates cooperation for normal Foundation operations to proceed unimpeded. During the actual interview, SCP-6802-J was simply referred to as 6802, without its joke designation. SCP-6802-J's query about this joke designation in the interview did not actually occur.
Addendum 2: It seems thus far that SCP-6802-J wasn't joking about its abilities. Testing has shown that it is indeed able to levitate, and appears to be able to teleport (slow-motion cameras were unable to detect any movement) using a particular stance it takes involving placing its index and middle finger on its forehead and tilting its head down slightly. 6802-J claims that it simply has to envision a location while in this pose, then imagine itself being in that location, to appear there. 6802-J offered to teach me how to do it, but I turned down the offer, as I didn't feel comfortable trying to perform a feat like this without knowing how it affects non-anomalous specimens. 6802-J was unwilling to train any Class-D personnel to use the ability in my stead.
SCP-6802-J has additionally shown itself capable of superhuman physical feats of strength, speed, endurance, and perception, able to completely block erratic machine gun fire at near point-blank range with one of its fingers, completely undamaged by bullet to skin contact. Similar attempts to cause physical damage to 6802-J have all failed. I speculate that if 6802-J were to become hostile, the only course of action we would have is to attempt to talk it down or non-physically incapacitate it in some way, though as it does not seem to require breathing to survive, its skin is impenetrable, and it is capable of avoiding other means of sedation through its extreme mobility, this method does not seem plausible. However, the chances of it choosing to cause harm to personnel are low, as it seems to only intentionally harm others when it feels they are a significant threat to sapient life, or they directly threaten 6802-J, and are not receptive to non-violent means of resolving 6802-J's concerns.
As for Foundation equipment, 6802-J seems to have no qualms with destruction of equipment not immediately vital for specimen containment. The entity often requests specific foods and leisure items, and if these requests are refused, a piece of foundation equipment that 6802-J has seen or heard of disappears. As it is not yet possible to contain SCP-6802-J and prevent it from learning about our equipment, we are forced to comply with these requests as they are usually of much less issue than losing equipment would be.
Addendum 3: SCP-6802-J is less out of nowhere than we thought, and its mention of Scooby Snacks wasn't a mere coincidence. From what we can tell, SCP-6802-J seems to have had a hand in the creation of the Scooby-Doo media franchise that formed in 1969. While the franchise itself doesn't seem to necessarily have any anomalous properties about it (though the possibility is there), the character "Shaggy" bears a striking resemblance in looks and mannerisms to SCP-6802-J, the biggest difference being the character's cowardly nature and apparent lack of anomalous abilities.
According to 6802-J, Shaggy is indeed a fictional analog for itself that it created and inserted into the Scooby-Doo franchise in an attempt to hide its presence from the public, and that the character's dog for which the franchise is named would have originally been a poodle belonging to the character "Daphne". I initially had difficulty understanding why 6802-J would insert itself into what would become one of the most well recognized media franchises in American history in order to hide from the public. SCP-6802-J explained its thought process as follows:
Shaggy's cowardly persona is meant to contrast 6802-J's complete lack of cowardice. The character is designed to be likable, relatable, and not at all threatening. In this way, the similarities of 6802-J to a character as iconic as Shaggy would then be used against taking such a threat seriously, as talk of a "real life super-powerful Shaggy god" would be seen as nothing more than an odd joke, and would thusly not incite panic.
As strange and perhaps counterproductive as the attempt may be, it does show that SCP-6802-J seems to value the wellbeing of the human race very highly, which is no small comfort given the abilities it's demonstrated. If only it would stop making demands of foundation personnel under threat of property destruction, 6802-J might be a pleasant and helpful guest rather than a nuisance.
The popularity and longevity of the franchise indicates that it may have some anomalous memetic properties, presumably due to SCP-6802-J's influence, but given the seemingly harmless and unimportant nature of the potential anomaly, as well as the difficulty of containing it at this point, I don't believe this possibility warrants any intensive investigation.
Addendum 4: SCP-6802-J is capable of creating entities in reality as well as fiction. According to one of the guards posted near 6802-J's containment area, 6802-J was with another specimen he had never seen before. The description he gave of the specimen matches none of the records I have access to (those being records up to clearance level 3). I approached 6802-J about the incident later that day, with no sign of the new entity. A transcript of my conversation with SCP-6802-J is below.
Interviewer: Dr. Olivia Misaki, Area-216
Interviewee: SCP-6802-J
<Begin Log>
Dr. Misaki: I've heard you had something to do with a new specimen around here.
SCP-6802-J: Like, if you wanna call it that, go ahead man. I was just bored in here.
Dr. Misaki: Would it be correct to assume that you were the cause of that specimen's existence?
SCP-6802-J: Yes ma'am, all on me.
Dr. Misaki: And why did you create this specimen?
SCP-6802-J: Cuz I was bored, man. And hungry. Mind if I go get a cheeseburger?
Dr. Misaki: I do mind, actually. But seeing as I mind the disappearance of our equipment more, go ahead.
SCP-6802-J: Like, thanks man. (SCP-6802-J teleports away, and returns 42 seconds later, finishing consumption of a piece of cheese) Mmm-mm, that was some good cheese, man.
Dr. Misaki: What was that? Where did you get that?
SCP-6802-J: We were outta cheese here, so I just imagined being near the best cheese in the world, and like, there I was.
Dr. Misaki: The best cheese in the world..? What kind of cheese?
SCP-6802-J: Like, I think it was Gorgonzola, man.
Dr. Misaki: Gorgonzola… why does that sound… oh no. 6802-J, stay in your cell. (Dr. Misaki rushes out of the cell and locks it)
SCP-6802-J: Whatever you- (Voice cuts off as the door is sealed)
Dr. Misaki: (Dr. Misaki begins remote communication) Site-76, this is Dr. Olivia Misaki from Area-216. We have a potential breach of SCP-2867 by a keter-class non-terminable non-containable entity. Can you confirm that SCP-2867 is still in storage? (Pause) The entity in question is SCP-6802-J.
SCP-6802-J: (Teleports behind Dr. Misaki) You ok, man?
Dr. Misaki: (Dr. Misaki is audibly startled) Aah! What!?
SCP-6802-J: You need something, man? You seem stressed.
Dr. Misaki: (Irritated) No, I'm fine. (Short pause. Confused) Wait… you're not attacking me..?
SCP-6802-J: Uh… no? Why would I attack you, man?
Dr. Misaki: (To site-76) 6802-J has breached containment but does not seem to be hostile. (Pause) Yes, I'm sure it said Gorgonzola. Hm. (To SCP-6802-J) Do you feel any different than usual, 6802-J?
SCP-6802-J: I dunno what you're talking about, I feel fine man.
Dr. Misaki: (To site-76) 6802-J is showing no symptoms of 2867's cognitohazardous effects. It may be immune. (Pause) Of course. Caution is always advisable, though MTF-Rho-87 may not need to be dispatched. We'll just need biohazard personnel to go over 6802-J's cell. If everything continues to go well, I'll update you in 3 hours. If you don't hear from me, send the team just in case. (Short pause, communication ends)
SCP-6802-J: Like, wow man, must've been some serious cheese.
Dr. Misaki: 6. 8. 0. 2. J. For the safety of everyone, never do that again.
SCP-6802-J: Like, if you want some man, I saved a little.
Dr. Misaki: No! Do not feed that to anyone under any circumstances.
SCP-6802-J: Zoinks, calm down! I'll just throw it out.
Dr. Misaki: No, don't do that either. Just… I don't know, eat it yourself? Not like it'll matter, if it's going to affect you you've already had more than enough.
SCP-6802-J: (Eating cheese) Groovy. So, like, want to get back to the interview?
Dr. Misaki: Yes. And since you seem to be immune to 2867, I want you in your cell and only in your cell until a hazmat team deals with it. Can't have you tracking bits of 2867 wherever you decide to teleport, I'm sure MTF-Rho-87 has enough to deal with as is. I'll contact you remotely to continue the interview.
SCP-6802-J: Cool, man.
(Dr. Misaki enters another room)
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<End Log>
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