That 1 Guy -- Precocious Toddler

Item #: SCP-5080

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5080 is to be kept inside a medium Humanoid Containment Chamber on Site 17. SCP-5080 may leave its chamber to traverse outdoors anytime it desires, within the confines of Yard A. Once a week, a physical and mental assessment should be taken of SCP-5080 and anomalies reported to the head of staff. The physician performing the assessment must be accompanied by at least two (2) guards armed with tranquilizer guns, with a third guard situated in the observation room ready to initiate a lockdown.

SCP-5080 must be provided mental stimulation regularly in the forms of various puzzles and entertainment. SCP-5080 may be permitted approved items upon request, but may not be permitted access to the Internet or to any kind of tool that may be used for crafting or disassembling objects, such as construction equipment or whittling knives.

Description: SCP-5080 is a male human toddler, standing 85cm tall and slightly overweight. It grows at the same rate as a regular human, and as of the time of writing, embodies physical characteristics indicative of a two-year-old child; however, cognitive assessments suggest that its brain activity is comparable to that of an adult man. Its vocabulary, memory, and communication skills far surpass the abilities of many educated adults, and it is fluent in several languages aside from English, including Spanish, Mandarin, and eight others. In addition to linguistics, SCP-5080 has demonstrated several abilities which would normally require years of schooling or training to learn, as detailed in the incident report below.

INCIDENT REPORT — LEVEL 2 CLEARANCE REQUIRED

Incident 1

Ms. ██████ Eilif posts the following in her personal blog:

I’ve heard a lot of talk regarding my son, █████. There are plenty of people who aren’t taking my experiences seriously — I’ve already been called into HR at work because everybody thinks I’m crazy. But what I tell you is God’s honest truth, and █████ is, I promise all of you, the most gifted child on the face of the Earth. I don’t know where he gets it — certainly not from me. There have been plenty of unusual events happening with him, but here’s the first one I can remember:
Last month, █████ started to notice unusual behavior in our pet cat, Gizmo. He yanked me by the skirt and said, and I quote: “Mommy? Gizmo’s acting weird. Do we have any lab equipment?” I didn’t know what to say. I told him no, and that we could take Gizmo to the veterinarian next June because that’s when we had scheduled her appointment.
I forgot about the whole thing for a day or two and got to enjoy my weekend. Then, bright and early Monday morning, I walked into the garage to find little █████ sitting at my ex-husband’s workbench, using kitchen measuring tools to hold different colored liquids. One of them was definitely cat pee, just judging from the smell of it. █████ had a look of pure triumph on his face, as though he’d discovered the cure for cancer. I asked him what he was doing up so early, and he told me that he ran a complete urinalysis and blood profile of Gizmo. He diagnosed her with both anxiety and OCD and requested the drug fluvoxamine by name. At this point, I was absolutely mortified and completely baffled, so I relentingly put it on the shopping list and went to work.
Next day, I came home with fluvoxamine, more curious than anything else. █████ took it from me and immediately started giving Gizmo doses of the stuff. He kept giving her doses every day over a four-week period, during which I was repeatedly scorned for “reinforcing her anxiety” by feeding her too early or too late, playing with her at unpredictable times, and a bunch of other things that I’d never even thought about before. But, lo and behold, after four weeks of treatment, Gizmo’s symptoms went away — symptoms that I’d never even noticed until they were gone. She stopped chewing on the curtains, pacing, and meowing at random times for no reason.
So there it is. You don’t have to believe me, but my son, two-year-old █████ Eilif, cured our cat of her anxiety. Didn’t even charge me for it. I’d never been more proud in my life!

This post and all others found regarding SCP-5080 are taken down, and Ms. Eilif’s blog discontinued. She is administered a Class B amnestic following the event.

Incident 2

Doctor ███ enters SCP-5080’s containment unit for its first physical assessment. Almost immediately after the security door opens, SCP-5080 runs towards the exit and is blocked by Security Guard ███████. SCP-5080 proceeds to attack the guard with an advanced Shaolin kung-fu technique before running out of the room. Lockdown is initiated, and SCP-5080 is immediately sedated with tranquilizers. Security Guard ███████ is sent to the onsite infirmary with a shattered left kneecap and other, more minor wounds on his abdomen and thighs.

Incident 3

SCP-5080 is observed watching cable news on the television provided to it, growing visibly agitated. It proceeds to initiate a discussion about current political events with Security Guard ████, debating with a proficiency typically seen in accomplished attorneys. It names specific examples of certain policies’ political impacts on historical foreign countries and regions, including the Roman and Ottoman Empires, several Chinese Dynasties, the USSR, and numerous European and South American countries. The debate carries on for over an hour, and by the end of it, Security Guard ████ reports that his opinion had been drastically changed regarding political figures and ideals. When tested, he shows no signs of being influenced by memetic effects.

Incident 4

SCP-5080 is observed breaking its television screen to pull out several wires from inside. It attempts to break one of the security cameras in the room, presumably to access its components as well, before being sedated with tranquilizers. The television is confiscated and replaced, its substitution’s screen reinforced with bulletproof glass to prevent repeated incidents.

Several attempts have been made to interview SCP-5080, but it remains uncooperative. Several researchers note that, despite its high cognitive ability, SCP-5080 seems to retain the immaturity and waywardness of a normal child its age.