Per 
Item #: SCP-4538
Object Class: Safe Keter (see SCP-4538-583)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4538 needs to be in a shape shifting box with average dimensions 12cm x 12cm x 12cm. 38 circular holes with a radius of 2mm need to be present. Level 3+ personnel are able to access SCP-4538. Two personnel must use and clean SCP-4538 once every 2 weeks for 2 minutes
Description: [IN PROGRESS] SCP-4538 is an orange bar of soap. It weighs approximately 4.5 ounces, and has a scent not comparable to anything else. What's strange about SCP-4538 is that it has exactly 4538 phenomena, each numerically listed. There are only 28 phenomena that actually do anomalies we can notice. A list is provided below:
1: SCP-4538-38
When SCP-4538 comes in contact with H2O, SCP-4538 will begin to convert the water into "perfect water"(SCP-4538-W). Once drank, the subject will no longer need to drink water since the "perfect water" gives them the proper amount of water they need. It will also get rid of any diseases, viruses, plagues, etc.
2: SCP-4538-45
When SCP-4538 is eaten, *chewing noise* WE BE GOING COOCOOKRAZIIII!!!@\_/@ the subject will start to become mentally deranged. Some examples of what the first thing the subject does is start to act like they are eating a ███ █████ dipped with ████ on ██ ███████ during ███████.
3: SCP-4538-49
If SCP-4538 is used only as completely normal soap for an extensive amount of time, it will start to teleport nonstop. It is not limited to the universe, but rather [REDACTED]. SCP-4538 has a very high chance of lethal teleportation, killing anything immediately.
4: SCP-4538-53
If SCP-4538 is not only used as completely normal soap for an extensive amount of time, it will also start to teleport. This is why it is required for personnel to use the item so a disaster doesn't happen.
5: SCP-4538-173
If SCP-4538 is not washed once every two weeks, it can convert anything it wants into different dimensions, universes, [DATA EXPUNGED]. When SCP-4538 return back to normal, it will not be where it was before, and same with the thing it brought. This could lead to an easy containment breach.
6: SCP-4538-453
Since SCP-4538 is a living object, when it sees another SCP, it will mimic all of it's powers. The foundation has prevented this by adding very special eye wear made out of [DATA EXPUNGED] that prevent sight.
7: SCP-4538-458
If SCP-4538 is broken, it will be duplicated. Researchers found that there are genes called ██████ located within SCP-4538 that let it multiply.
8: SCP-4538-538
When SCP-4538 is stood on, it will transform into a functional time machine. Once entering the time machine, rather than entering the same universe, it will send you to a different universe at a different time. This universe varies from a parallel universe, perpendicular universe, [DATA EXPUNGED] universe, etc. The universe is still similar to the one you were previously at.
9: SCP-4538-583
SCP-4538 can decide at a completely random time to increase it's size. It goes back to it's normal volume once SCP-4538 has calmed down. SCP-4538-A's special material helps it cool down quicker, but it can still break SCP-4538-A.
10: SCP-4538-999
SCP-4538 can form into a pistol lookalike (SCP-4538-B). This item is rather beneficial when shot at someone. When one of these special bullets hit a person, they will begin having numerous muscle spasms and they're eyes will become crunchy. SCP-4538-B takes 4538 minutes to reload.
11: SCP-4538-1048
SCP-4538-1048 is the phenomenon of the number 4538. When this number is spoken to this SCP,
12: SCP-4538-1058
13: SCP-4538-1088
14: SCP-4538-1858
15: SCP-4538-2091
16: SCP-4538-2128
17: SCP-4538-2138
18: SCP-4538-2141
19: SCP-4538-2152
20: SCP-4538-2158
21: SCP-4538-2222
22: SCP-4538-2285
23: SCP-4538-2358
24: SCP-4538-2384
25: SCP-4538-2385
26: SCP-4538-2453
27: SCP-4538-2483
28: SCP-4538-3017
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
Interviewed: [The person, persons, or SCP being interviewed]
Interviewer: [Interviewer, can be blocked out using █]
Foreword: [Small passage describing the interview]
<Begin Log, [optional time info]>
Interviewer: [speech]
Person: [speech]
[Repeat as necessary]
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
