Per 
Item #: SCP-330-J
Object Class: Apollyon
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-330-J is currently being held by Dr. Alex Henry. He just won’t give it to us. We’ve tried to take it from him, but he keeps saying it isn’t real. SCP-330-J-01 is to be kept with Janitor Bill Davidson at all times, for scientific purposes.
Any instances of SCP-330-J-02 is to be kept inside of the recipients’ pants at all times. Each recipient is to wear one layer of briefs, one layer of boxer briefs, and one layer of boxers at all times, followed by one layer of heavy duty jeans. The jeans are to be buttoned and zipped at all times, and secured with three (3) leather belts.
In the event of a recipient taking their pants off, twenty-three (23) armed Class C personnel are to accompany them until they put their pants back on. Each recipient shall be allowed to take their pants off if, and only if, they must use the bathroom. If their pants are removed at any other point in time, they will be put in the time-out corner for thirty (30) minutes. If they take their pants off a second time, the O5 Council will be alerted immediately, and their mother will be called. If their pants are removed a third time, they will be terminated immediately.
Description: SCP-330-J has actually never been seen by anyone, other than Dr. Alex Henry. It is unknown what SCP-330-J looks like, because Dr. Henry won’t let us see it, and insists that it does not exist. We know that he’s lying though, because no one can have a dick that big without back problems. It just has to have some sort of anomalous property. However, scientists have created an artificial SCP-330-J, which creates the same effect as SCP-330-J. The artificial SCP is called SCP-330-J-01.
SCP-330-J-01 is a stone comprised of █████ and hardened toothpaste. When held, SCP-330-J-01 causes extreme growth in the wielder’s dick (SCP-330-J-02). It has been recorded to increase dick size by up to 500%.
SCP-330-J-02 is currently a one (1) foot long dick (twelve (12) feet long when fully erect) that is attached to Janitor Bill Davidson. SCP-330-J-02 curently weighs one thousand (1000) kilograms, which is inconsistent with its size. When SCP-330-J-02 becomes erect, it is able to crush solid blocks of materials such as, but not limited to; lead, steel, wood, stone, aluminum, glass, and obsidian. No introduced materials could resist the sheer power of SCP-963-J.
SCP-330-J-02 has also been observed to grow about seventeen (17) inches every year. It is estimated that 330-J-02 will be the size of the Earth in ninety-two million, eight-hundred-seven thousand, six-hundred-seven (92,807,647) years. When this time comes, SCP-330-J-02 will have crushed the entire world into oblivion. However, the growth of 330-J-02 can be slowed immensely with several layers of clothes. The growth of the SCP is currently measured at two (2) inches per year.
Addendum 963-J-01: Dick Growth Experiments
Test 1: SCP-330-J-01 was held by a human male (SCP-963-J-03) with a five (5) inch long dick.
Result: SCP-330-J-03's dick grew to fourteen (14) inches long, and was removed quickly before it became erect.
Test 2: SCP-330-J-01 was given to a human male (SCP-330-J-04) with a twelve (12) inch long dick.1
Result: 330-J-04's dick grew to 21 inches, and became erect almost immediately. SCP-330-J-01 was not removed fast enough, and 330-J-04 died after tearing in the dick and blood loss.
Test 3: SCP-330-J-01 was held by a human female (SCP-330-J-05).
Result: SCP-330-J-05 immediately reported great pain in the pelvic region, and grew a micro penis. Even after SCP-330-J-01 was removed, the micro penis remained. It will not go away. SCP-330-J-05 is taking legal actions against the Foundation, and experimentation on humans with SCP-330-J-01 is now reason for termination.
Test 4: SCP-330-J-01 is placed on an oak tree (SCP-330-J-06).
Result: SCP-330-J-06 grew a branch in the middle of its trunk that resembled a wooden penis. The branch did not go away after SCP-330-J-01 was removed.
Test 5: SCP-330-J-01 was placed on an adult bull (SCP-330-J-07).
Result: SCP-330-J-07's dick grew twelve (12) feet long and the bull died instantly. This was the last authorized expermient with SCP-330-J-01.
