The Merchant

Draft 1

Item #: SCP-####

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-#### is to be kept in a Type II Explosive Hazard chamber, outfitted with a blast-resistant viewing window rated for no lower than 100 PSI. All testing applications must be submitted via Form ####-7, which requires signatures from at least two (2) Level 3 or higher researchers. Testing is to take place only in SCP-####'s normal containment chamber, unless directly authorized by Lead Researcher Dr. ███ Li, and/or Site Director Q. ████████. SCP-####-2 is not to be removed except during approved testing.

As of 02/09/██ (see Test Log), SCP-#### is only to be handled directly by Class D personnel trained in handling explosive ordinances, and wearing an Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) suit equipped with a standard self-contained breathing apparatus (SCBA).

In the event that it becomes necessary to relocate SCP-####, it is to be transported via remote-control vehicle in a bomb disposal chamber rated for a minimum explosion capacity of 25kg TNTeq¹ of radioactive material.

Backup copies of SCP-####-2 are to be kept in a secure storage vault at Site-██. In the event of a catastrophic failure, one such copy is to be retrieved immediately by any available personnel.

Description: SCP-####-1 is a 3-foot diameter statue in the shape of a classical artistic rendering of an atom, made from a red-coloured metal (shown by testing to be an alloy of copper, tin, and [REDACTED]) and interspersed with a clear, abrasion-proof material of unknown composition. The base of the statue bears an inscription which reads "Eternium".

SCP-####-2 is a two-foot rod of the same metal, measuring two inches thick and six inches wide, attached to a three-pronged port at the base of the statue. It is etched with an intricate pattern, similar to a computer circuit board, containing numerous thaumaturgical symbols which are inlaid with silver. The top of SCP-####-2 glows a dull blue (~480nm) at a consistent 700 lumens as long as it is attached to SCP-####.

SCP-####-3 is [REDACTED], found at the center of the statue and apparently contained by the structure itself. [REDACTED]. This seems to be what powers SCP-####-2, as well as any other object attached to the same port, and [FURTHER INFORMATION AVAILABLE ONLY TO LEVEL 4-#### PERSONNEL].

+ Input credentials

SCP-####-3 is a single molecule of thaumaton²-containing material, found at the center of the statue and apparently contained by the structure itself. It appears to radiate a consistent level of thaumically-charged energy, which has been impossible to measure due to the nature of the device and of the energy itself. This seems to be what powers SCP-####-2, as well as any other object attached to the same port, and causes the catastrophic failure thereof.

Test Log:

Below is a log of various tests performed by attaching different items to SCP-####-1's power outlet. Entries have been compressed for brevity, while maintaining key data.

TEST OBJECT	RESULT	NOTES
60W table lamp	Bulb exploded after 25 seconds	Released a small amount (~█R) of unknown radiation
80 kWh rechargeable Lithium-ion car battery (drained)	Battery charged to capacity in 37 seconds, experienced catastrophic failure 7 seconds later, killing █ researchers	Containment procedures updated, 02/09/██
SCP-####-2 with 1cm scratch	[DATA EXPUNGED]	Rod was scratched in order to gather a sample of material for analysis
3D printed ABS3 copy of SCP-####-2	Burst into flame after 5 seconds	Testing D-class suffered mild hydrogen cyanide exposure; updated containment procedures to require SCBA
2.5 MW capacity generator	N/A	No. -O5-██

Recovery Log:

SCP-#### was recovered during a raid on a Marshall, Carter, and Dark storage facility. It was sitting atop a filing cabinet in an office room at the far back of the facility, and appeared to be the room's primary light source. In an envelope next to the statue, addressed "Dark" in purple ink, was the following note:

My dearest ████████,

I hope this letter finds you well. Or finds you at all, in truth. In my many adventures with my old friend [COGNITOHAZARD DETECTED] , I have traveled across such numerous universes, and it is hard to tell if this one is truly my original home. It could very well be that you do not, in fact, have the foggiest idea who I am!

Regardless, I send you this gift, to make up for the many birthdays I'm sure I have missed since I left: a machine of the finest orichalcum. Inside is a piece of a metal called [ILLEGIBLE], a captured molecule of thaumic-reactive material that gives off quite the kick of energy as it decays. This one has been turned into a diffusal lamp, with a redundancy circuit attached in order to keep the energy from escaping too quickly. I hope you can enjoy it, even as a simple curio, but I do hope that by this point in time, it will be possible to take a closer look at the molecule with a powerful enough microscope. I'm sure you'll get a kick out of what's there!

All my best to you and yours.

— Cousin Devin

Draft 2

Foreword: The following is the text log of an interview with PoI-████████, colloquially referred to as "Ainsel" for the purposes of this interview⁴. The interview was conducted on neutral territory, a picnic bench in █████ Park of ██████████, ON. Also present were two (2) armed security officers from Site-█.

Interviewed: Ainsel

Interviewer: Dr. H. L. Cheung

<Begin Log>

Dr. Cheung: Before we begin, is there something I can call you other than ████████? Using your name messes with our logs, as I'm sure you're aware.

Ainsel: Yes! Right, sorry about that. Feel free to call me "Ainsel"; it's an old trick for dealing with the Folke⁵, and it should serve well enough here.

Dr. Cheung: Noted. Stated for the record, we are here today to discuss your ongoing relationship with the Foundation, as well as several anomalous objects, possessed by both the Foundation and by yourself.

Ainsel: Indeed. And am I safe in assuming that you have obtained authorization to enter into a binding contract with me, should our negotiations end in an agreement?

Dr. Cheung: Yes, I have received clearance from the Overseer Council to make certain arrangements, so long as they do not compromise Foundation security or offend the Ethics Committee.

Ainsel: Well enough. I can answer a few of your questions, and then we can get into the meat and potatoes of it.

Dr. Cheung: Alright, question one: are you aware of SCP-XXXX, known as "Eternium", and its origins?

Ainsel: Oh, the lamp? Yes, a curio picked up by my colleague over in the [REDACTED] System, I want to say around two hundred years ago. Its center composed of a special metal that's actually quite abundant there, and it charges the air around it with thaumic radiation.

Dr. Cheung: Interesting. My second question: what is the cause of the issues surrounding your name, and how are they perpetuated to other direct references to you?

Ainsel: Ah, I thought you might want to know that. Well, several centuries ago, I came across a ring in a shop I was visiting out in [REDACTED]. In my line of business, people knowing your name and how to get hold of you was paramount, so I bought it. Funny thing about names, however, is that there is no real universal agreement on what, exactly, constitutes one as being "yours". After all, should there be another doctor by the name of H. L. Cheung sitting here, and I were to refer to you both by name, how would we know which one of you I meant to address? Ergo, the effect is tied directly to me, and any designation that would knowingly refer to me attains the same properties.

Dr. Cheung: So how does "Ainsel" bypass the effects of the anomaly?

Ainsel: Well, "Ainsel" happens to be a pseudonym of the truest sort: you are, in fact, referring to yourself when you use it; but when using it as a name, any party who is in the know knows that you're speaking of someone else.

Dr. Cheung: So if I were to refer to you as "me"?

Ainsel: The same effect, but it would sound much sillier in English.

Dr. Cheung: I suppose it would. Next question: have you, in your travels, found anything that could, theoretically, kill something that's unkillable?

Ainsel: Well, I suppose that depends. How would you say it's "unkillable", this thing that you're trying to kill?

Dr. Cheung: Rapid adaptation to external threats. Ability to regenerate tissue through ingestion of both organic and inorganic matter.

Ainsel: Hmm, fascinating. I don't suppose this is, by chance, a big ugly lizard⁶?

Dr. Cheung: Yes, that does seem to be the common descriptor. You've heard of it, then?

Ainsel: I have. And to answer your question, yes. Theoretically.

Dr. Cheung: Really?

Ainsel: Well, one could, in theory, simply [[DATA EXPUNGED]]. That would do the trick. Downside being that there wouldn't be a universe left to enjoy being free of it.

Dr. Cheung: Well, we'll keep that in mind, but I don't think we'll be trying it any time soon.

Further discussion has been redacted for brevity. A full transcript can be found in Document PoI-████████-18662-1

Dr. Cheung: Well, I think that about sums up the questions I had prepared, though it does raise several new ones.

Ainsel: And I would be more than happy to answer them, should we come to an arrangement.

Dr. Cheung: Right, let's get down to it, then. What do you propose?

Ainsel: I am offering my full cooperation with the Foundation. A number of anomalies in my possession, namely the majority of the living ones, will be given over immediately, along with my notes about them. Ownership of their current storage facility outside Anchorage will be transferred, and the staff there made available as possible recruits. Furthermore, I will lend to the Foundation a section of my personal collection for long-term study, as well as making the rest of my nonessential items available upon request, with the understanding that they are loans, and not being surrendered.

Dr. Cheung: You have notes on these as well, I presume?

Ainsel: Yes, and I will provide copies, naturally.

Dr. Cheung: Would you be amenable to your more essential items being studied?

Ainsel: I am, but only in-situ, as it were; there are some that simply cannot be moved from where they are. I will grant access to your researchers, with the understanding that the items in question are not to be damaged, and that any attempt at removing them will immediately render our agreement null.

Dr. Cheung: I can work with that. But this isn't being done out of the kindness of your heart, now is it?

Ainsel: Naturally not. I have two very simple requests in exchange. The first is simply that I wish to be left alone; as long as I hold up my end of the agreement, the Foundation likewise agrees that I am not to be captured, and that no attempts will be made to contain or study me personally. We've already seen how annoying that can be for both of us⁷, which is why you're here negotiating in the first place⁸.

Dr. Cheung: I suppose we can agree to such an arrangement. And your second request?

Ainsel: I have the location of a certain object that I would like returned to me. You are free to confirm that it is non-anomalous when you have it in your possession; it is of a personal nature, and I would quite like it back.

Dr. Cheung: And what would the object in question be?

Ainsel: A painting of myself, my late wife, and our husband. Not a masterpiece by any means, and quite worthless on the open market, but it was stolen from me more as a bragging right than anything else.

Dr. Cheung: And why are you reliant of the Foundation to get it, exactly? We both know you have plenty of resources for yourself. Is the location that dangerous?

Ainsel: To you? Hardly. I'm merely on the outs with Ho Kurios⁹, and cannot cross onto sanctified grounds.

Dr. Cheung: Sanctified grounds?

Ainsel: In other words, the bloody bastards who stole it stuck it in a priory. I can't go in there to get it back, and sending any of my own men in would be just as bad. The Foundation isn't a last resort, precisely, but I was considering coming to terms with you lot even before the theft.

Dr. Cheung: All this, just for a painting?

Ainsel: Doctor Cheung, when you are married for twelve hundred years, come speak to me of "just for a painting". In the meantime, do we have a deal?

Dr. Cheung: Yes, I believe we do.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: A contract was drawn up, and the deal was signed by both parties. See Document PoI-████████-18662-2 for the recovery log of the painting, and -3 for a list of anomalous objects logged as a result of the agreement.

Draft 3

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a vacuum-sealed, desiccant-lined box in a standard storage locker in Site-██ to prevent exposure to moisture. It is to be cleaned and dried thoroughly between tests, and the desiccant replaced. Every six (6) months, a fresh coat of natural shellac or linseed oil is to be applied to the wooden portion of the object. The handle is to be re-wrapped as needed using genuine leather adhered in place using natural adhesives (IE pine pitch, animal glue).

SCP-XXXX is not to be tested in enclosed spaces, or handled directly by non-D-class personnel. Testing requires the presence of at least two (2) researchers of Level 2 clearance or higher.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a large felling axe, 1 meter in length and 2.1 kilograms in weight. The head of the axe is constructed from wood¹⁰, and the handle of iron wrapped in leather¹¹. On the butt of the axe is inscribed the rune ᛃ¹².

The anomalous properties of the object become apparent when it it swung at a tree or tree-like plant¹³ while held by a living creature.

When struck with the head of the axe, the plant in question will undergo rapid growth, equating to approximately 12-24 months of aging, in the span of ten seconds.

Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

Footnotes

1. Able to withstand an equivalent explosion of TNT

2. A theoretical type of sub-atomic particle which facilitates thaumaturgy

3. Acrylonitrile butadiene styrene, a common thermoplastic

4. Due to an anomalous object in their possession, direct references to PoI-████████ result in a cognitohazardous effect (see document PoI-████████-18662 for reference)

5. According to some Gaelic folklore, the safest answer to give when asked for your name by one of the Fae Folke is "Ainsel", or "My Own Self"

6. "Ainsel"'s knowledge of SCP-682 is not to be considered a security breach

7. Previous attempts to apprehend "Ainsel" have resulted in large numbers of casualties and high property damage, due to his command of a personal paramilitary force equipped with several anomalous weapons

8. "Ainsel" initiated contact with the Foundation through a front company, offering to freely answer several questions in exchange for an agreement to establish a working relationship

9. Ancient Greek for "the Lord", in referring to the Christian God or Jesus

10. Specifically, an unknown species of the genus Guaiacum

11. Currently brown steer-hide, replaced several times by the previous owner

12. Jera in Elder Futhark, meaning "harvest"

13. Testing on Cocos nucifera confirms that the effect works on plants which are not categorically trees