thebassettman

It's Still Real to Me, Dammit!

« FILE SCHEDULED FOR REMOVAL »

The following file has been deemed unsuitable for addition into The Foundation SCP Database due to: Inaccurate Description

File should be corrected and resubmitted to your direct supervisor within one month. Current version of file will be retained for training purposes.

Note: Stanley, for the love of god stop submitting this shit. If I have to reject this one more time, I'm forwarding it to the rest of site staff. - Dr. Clarke

Item #: SCP-XXXX-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-J is currently uncontained. Extreme caution should be taken in any future attempt to contain SCP-XXXX-J due to widespread public awareness of both SCP-XXXX-J and its anomalous properties.

Description: SCP-XXXX-J is the former¹ WWF World Heavyweight Champion, Hulk Hogan. It is currently theorised that SCP-XXXX-J's anomalous properties are not innate to the anomaly as no manifestations of them have been recorded prior to the anomaly's 1983 return to the WWF.

The anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX-J manifest solely during wrestling matches performed by the anomaly. Following a sustained period of offence against the anomaly, SCP-XXXX-J will enter an energised state², during which the anomaly will become immune to almost all further offence by its opponent and capable of extreme feats of strength and wrestling ability. There is a potential correlation between the amount of crowd support given to SCP-XXXX-J and the intensity of its anomalous effects.

In most cases, these anomalous effects result in an incongruous amount of damage inflicted upon SCP-XXXX-J'S opponents compared to the force of SCP-XXXX-J's attacks. Of note is the "Atomic Leg Drop", a move the anomaly typically uses as method of setting up its opponent for a match-winning pinfall. Given the weight of SCP-XXXX-J, the move should not cause such extreme reactions from individuals it is performed on, yet the move will routinely cause concussion-esque symptoms even if the anomaly does not make full contact with the individual's head³.

Addendum XXXX-1: Email Communication concerning SCP-XXXX-J
The following emails have been archived within this article as an ongoing protest against The Foundation's lack of action against the threat posed by SCP-XXXX-J. - Junior Researcher Stanley Mulgrove.

From: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
To: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
Sent: 9:36 AM, April 3rd 1989
Subject: Professionalism

Stanley,

Just reviewed that document you sent in. I appreciate the joke, but let's try and maintain at least some level of professionalism here. From now on, let's not joke around in SCP documents, OK?

- Adrian

From: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
To: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
Sent: 9:52 AM, April 3rd 1989
Subject: Re:Professionalism

Adrian,

What joke? Apologies if the document came off that way, but I'm 100% serious about this. I can send over my calculations if you like, but trust me. There is no way Hogan should be able to do what he can do. Just look at what happened two years ago. How many guys had tried to bodyslam Andre before? You're telling me none of them even came close, but Hogan just happened to pull it off in front of the largest indoor crowd in North American history? There's correlation here Adrian, and I'm sure that it's anomalous. What other explanation is there?

Please, have another read through the document. I'm onto something here, I know it.

- Stanley

From: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
To: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
Sent: 11:02 AM, April 3rd 1989
Subject: Re:Re:Professionalism

Stanley,

Fine, I'll give it another look. No promises on whether my opinion will change though.

Adrian

From: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
To: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
Sent: 9:01 AM, April 20th 1989
Subject: Update

Adrian,

It's been over two weeks since my last email. Any updates on the possible anomaly?
Stanley

From: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
To: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
Sent: 12:32 AM, April 20th 1989
Subject: Re:Update

Stanley,

I've authorised Dr. Welch to lead an investigation into your findings. I know this was your discovery, and if anything comes up you'll be credited for it, but I just think you might be a bit too close to this to see what's really going on. You've been a wrestling fan for God knows how long. I think that enjoyment might cloud your better judgement, whereas Welch is going in fresh. If there's anything to find, he'll find it.

In the meantime, I want you focused back on that anomalous radio signal out of Indiana. Director's breathing down my neck about getting that thing contained within the next few months, so do me a favour and get it handled quick.

- Adrian

From: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
To: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
Sent: 3:23 PM, April 2nd 1990
Subject: Welch Investigation

Adrian,

A thought occurred to me earlier today. Did anything ever come of the Welch Investigation into Hulk Hogan being a possible anomaly? It's been almost a year now, so I would have thought that if anything was to be uncovered, it would've been by now.

- Stanley

From: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
To: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
Sent: 4:37 AM, April 2nd 1990
Subject: Re:Welch Investigation

Stanley,

If my memory serves me right, Dr. Welch's report said that he couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. I wouldn't worry about this any further.

Adrian

From: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
To: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
Sent: 4:45 PM, April 2nd 1990
Subject: Re:Re:Welch Investigation

Funny. Because I bumped into Welch this morning and he said he's been leading an investigation into a Latvian Broken God Sect for the past year. The fuck is going on here Adrian? I'm resubmitting the original file and if you don't have a damn good reason why it shouldn't go through, I'm submitting a formal complaint against you. A year of pretending to investigate a serious threat to keeping the public in the dark about anomalies. What the fuck?

From: gro.noitadnuof|ekralca#gro.noitadnuof|ekralca
To: gro.noitadnuof|evorglums#gro.noitadnuof|evorglums
Sent: 5:10AM, April 2nd 1990
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Welch Investigation

Stanley, calm down.

- Adrian

Footnotes

1. As of 04/1/90.

2. Referred to the anomaly as its "Hulking Up" process.

3. Or make contact at all.

A Bullet with Your Name on it

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: Outside of testing, SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard anomalous item lockbox at Site-17. Upon completion of testing, SCP-XXXX-1 through SCP-XXXX-6 must be examined and their engravings noted. Testing may only occur with the express permission of Dr. Lakefield. Under no circumstances should SCP-XXXX be fired more than six times during testing. Details surrounding the current location of SCP-XXXX are restricted all Foundation Staff, with the exception of O5-9. Any attempt to ascertain the location of SCP-XXXX by individuals without Level 5 security clearance will result in the application of a Class-E amnestic, or termination.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a Taurus Model 44 Revolver containing six rounds (designated SCP-XXXX-1 through SCP-XXXX-6, with SCP-XXXX-1 being the bullet currently loaded in SCP-XXXX's chamber), each of which bear an engraving of a name on their bullet. Upon SCP-XXXX-1 being fired and SCP-XXXX-2 is loaded into its place, a new bullet will appear in the casing of SCP-XXXX-1 which will bear a new engraving. It is impossible to remove the rounds from SCP-XXXX or change the order in which the rounds are fired, as the chamber of SCP-XXXX does not appear to be able to be opened or spun outside of firing, no matter how much force is applied. Any attempts to damage SCP-XXX invariably result in the forced stoppage of said attempt, usually due to the accidental firing of the SCP.

When fired, SCP-XXXX-1 will strike and kill the person whose name is engraved upon it. Distance and location between SCP-XXXX and its target appear to not matter, as SCP-XXXX-1 will ricochet off and/or penetrate through any material in order to reach its target, regardless of how malleable/tough the material is compared to SCP-XXXX-1. Occasionally, multiple names will be engraved upon SCP-XXXX-1. In this case, all targets will be shot and killed upon SCP-XXXX being fired.

As far as is known, there is no way to control what names are engraved upon SCP-XXXX’s rounds. It is only possible to know the names prior to firing through the use of a high-powered electromagnetic imaging device. The names engraved upon SCP-XXXX’s rounds are not always the legal names of the targets, instead they are relative to what the person wielding SCP-XXXX at the point of firing to refers to their target as. Names can include full legal names, titles, nicknames, insults, or descriptions of the target should the wielder not know any information regarding the identity of their target.

The following names were found engraved upon the rounds during initial examination;

• SCP-XXXX-1: “D-XXXX-2”
• SCP-XXXX-2: [REDACTED]
• SCP-XXXX-3: “Steve”
• SCP-XXXX-4: “The Blonde Dude on the Left”
• SCP-XXXX-5: “Fuckface”
• SCP-XXXX-6: “D-XXXX-4”

Note: During the initial examination, SCP-XXXX was accidentally fired while an attempt was being made to remove the rounds from its chamber. SCP-XXXX-1 struck Dr. Malone in the temple, killing him instantly. During his autopsy, the bullet was found to be engraved with his name. The researcher responsible for the accident was subsequently demoted and transferred to a new site. The above designations of SCP-XXXX’s rounds were recorded after this incident.

+ Testing History Pre-Incident-XXXX-3

Testing Log XXXX-1:
Subjects: D-XXXX-1, D-XXXX-2
Lead Researcher: Dr. Lakefield

D-XXXX-1 was placed in a sealed, bulletproof room along with D-XXXX-2, who was restrained in a chair in the opposite end of the room. The two D-Class had no knowledge of one another prior to the experiment. D-XXXX-2 was chosen at random, whereas D-XXXX-1 was chosen as his legal name matched that which was engraved upon SCP-XXXX-2.

<Begin Log>

Dr. Lakefield: D-XXXX-1, could you please stand against the opposite wall to D-XXXX-2 while the testing apparatus is lowered into the room?

D-XXXX-1: Can do.

D-XXXX-1 complies with the request.

Dr. Lakefield: Thank you, testing apparatus entering now.

SCP-XXXX is lowered into the room inside a small opaque box.

Dr. Lakefield: Could you now open the box and take out the item inside?

D-XXXX-1: Okay, opening the box.

D-XXXX-1 opens the box and upon seeing SCP-XXXX, looks to Dr. Lakefield through the viewing window.

D-XXXX-1: Hey, uh, Doc? You sure you were meant to give me this?

D-XXXX-1 raises SCP-XXXX for Dr. Lakefield to see. D-XXXX-2 begins to panic and struggle to escape his restraints.

D-XXXX-2: Hey, what the fuck is that! You fuckers are gonna have him shoot me!

Note: The rest of D-XXXX-2’s speech has been omitted as for the rest of the experiment it contained nothing but further expletives and requests to be removed from the experiment.

Dr. Lakefield: D-XXXX-1, please disregard anything said by D-XXXX-2. Yes, that is the testing apparatus I intended to give to you. Now, please aim the gun at D-XXXX-2’s head and fire.

D-XXXX-1: Fuck no, I ain’t doing shit to the guy!

Dr. Lakefield: May I remind you that failure to cooperate will result in both of you being terminated?

D-XXXX-1 hesitates for a few moments, before raising SCP-XXXX and firing. D-XXXX-2 is killed.

Note: Later analysis of SCP-XXXX-1’s trajectory found that D-XXXX-1’s aim had been off and should have missed the shot. However, SCP-XXXX-1, through some unknown mechanism, managed to curve its trajectory mid-flight to strike D-XXXX-2 regardless.

D-XXXX-1: Shit! Fuck me! God fucking dammit!

Dr. Lakefield: Thank you D-XXXX-1. Now could you please shoot D-XXXX-2 again?

D-XXXX-1: Again!? He’s fucking dead already!

Dr. Lakefield: I’m aware. Please shoot D-XXXX-2’s corpse.

D-XXXX-1: Fuck! You guys are fucking psychos!

D-XXXX takes aim at D-XXXX-2’s body and fires. SCP-XXXX-1 passes through D-XXXX-2’s chest and the chair he was restrained in, ricochets off the wall behind D-XXXX-2 and the ceiling of the room, before striking D-XXXX-1 in the top of his head. He too is killed instantly.

<End Log>

Note: After the test had been completed, SCP-XXXX was examined to determine the status of SCP-XXXX-5 & 6. New bullets had indeed appeared in place of the previously fired ones, each baring a new name, [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. Edit: All designated targets of SCP-XXXX beyond the six listed above have been redacted. For further information, see Addendum XXXX-1.

Testing Log XXXX-2:
Subjects: D-XXXX-3, Security Officer Jeffrey Stanton
Lead Researcher: Dr. Lakefield

This experiment took place in the same room as the previous experiment, with D-XXXX-3 restrained in the same chair as D-XXXX-2. D-XXXX-3 was chosen as his first name was Steve. Security Officer Stanton was not made aware of this fact. Security Officer Stanton then entered the room carrying SCP-XXXX and was instructed to shoot and kill D-XXXX-3.

However, upon firing SCP-XXXX, SCP-XXXX-1 missed D-XXXX-3 and struck the wall behind D-XXXX-3. SCP-XXXX-1 passed through five reinforced steel walls along with the testing room’s bulletproof wall before striking Security Officer Steven Daniels, who was in the middle of eating lunch in the Site Cafeteria. It was found out later that Security Officers Stanton and Daniels were both good friends with one another and frequently referred to each other as “Jeff” and “Steve” respectively.

No punishment was given to Officer Stanton as his killing of Officer Daniels was deemed unavoidable. He has since left active duty to pursue a desk career and receives frequent therapy sessions to deal with the trauma sustained following this experiment.

Note: Further testing of SCP-XXXX is to be suspended in cases were the intended target of SCP-XXXX-1 is not 100% clear. Dr. Lakefield

Testing Log XXXX-3:
Subjects: D-XXXX-4, D-XXXX-5, D-XXXX-6
Lead Researcher: Dr. Lakefield

All three D-Class had had no contact with one another prior to the experiment and were both dressed in casual clothing, rather than their D-Class uniforms. D-XXXX-5 and D-XXXX-6 were both gagged and restrained before D-XXXX-4 was allowed into the room with them. This was done to ensure D-XXXX-4 had no method of identifying either of the other D-Class outside of appearance. D-XXXX-6 was chosen specifically for his blonde hair and was placed to the left of where D-XXXX-4 would enter.

<Begin Log>

Test began with SCP-XXXX being lowered into the testing room and D-XXXX-4 being asked to remove it from its box. D-XXXX-4 appeared to consider using SCP-XXXX to escape the testing room.

Dr. Lakefield: Before you get any ideas, the gun is loaded with blanks. There are armed Security Officers waiting outside should you decide not to cooperate, understand?

D-XXXX-4: Yeah. Whatever.

Dr. Lakefield: Good. Now could you please pick one of the two gentlemen on the other side of the room to you? Either one, just pick one of them at random.

D-XXXX-4: Alright. I pick the blonde dude on the left.

Dr. Lakefield: Are you sure?

D-XXXX-4: What, did I pick the wrong guy?

Dr. Lakefield: No, no, your choice is fine. Could you please aim the gun at “the blonde dude on the left” and fire at him?

D-XXXX-4: Fine.

D-XXXX-4 takes aim at D-XXXX-6 and fires. Not expecting the amount of recoil from SCP-XXXX, D-XXXX-4’s aim is off, but SCP-XXXX-1 strikes and kills D-XXXX-6 regardless.

D-XXXX-4: Fucking hell! Could have fucking told me the gun didn’t have any fucking blanks in it before I nearly broke my fucking wrist!

Dr. Lakefield: Please calm down, it was just part of the test.

D-XXXX-4: Don’t you fucking tell me to calm down, fuckface!

Dr. Lakefield: Shit, someone get that fucking gun off her!

<End Log>

Note: Multiple Security Officers then entered the testing room with the intention of subduing D-XXXX-4. In a panic, D-XXXX-4 fired a shot which struck Security Officer Fredrickson on the right side of his chin. Rather than penetrating Officer Fredrickson’s flesh, the bullet ricocheted off him, penetrated the bulletproof viewing window and struck Dr. Lakefield, killing him instantly. While the bullet did not pierce Officer Fredrickson's skin, the force of the bullet striking him was sufficient to cause fracture of the C1 vertebra. The speed at which Officer Frederickson’s head was twisted as a reult of this force also resulted in a severe traumatic brain injury that rendered Officer Fredrickson unconscious. As other Security Officers attempted to restrain D-XXXX-4, D-XXXX-4 was able to fire a second shot. This shot was made as SCP-XXXX was being forcibly removed from D-XXXX-4's grip, with SCP-XXXX becoming twisted upwards and pointing directly at D-XXXX-4's head. D-XXXX-4 was then killed upon firing SCP-XXXX.

Since the incident, Officer Fredrickson has remained in a vegetative state. The extent of the damage done to his brain is currently unknown as all attempts to model the type of injury sustained indicate that Officer Fredrickson should not have survived the impact, even accounting for SCP-XXXX-1’s lack of penetration. What is known is that Officer Fredrickson is still capable of sustaining his own life (Fredrickson is currently capable of breathing unassisted and suffers no health issues should he remain sufficiently fed via an IV drip), though all other brain activity has ceased. As there is currently no indication that his brain damage can be repaired, the decision of withdrawing feeding to allow Officer Fredrickson to die is currently in the process of being debated by Foundation Medical Staff.

Addendum XXXX-1: After Test XXXX-3, SCP-XXXX was examined to determine the names engraved upon SCP-XXXX-4, SCP-XXXX-5 and SCP-XXXX-6. Following the observation of the new engravings, it was decided by the O5 Council that all further testing of SCP-XXXX should be suspended and the object itself moved to a new location. All records of the names currently engraved on the six rounds within SCP-XXXX have been expunged and personnel with knowledge of those names have been administered amnestics.