Per 
Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop
- The Streamliner Returns
- The Red
- The Nothing That Kills You
- Darkblade versus the Turbo Shark Pulverizer 6000 (Yes, really)
- Wondertainment Land's® Grand Opening
- Darkblade versus the Streamliner
- Dr. Wondertainment Gets Arrested on Child Endangerment Charges.
- Applelife.
- SCP-2783 Tale
- dado versus The Mother Who Demands One's Toes
Night had fallen over the smoke-stained streets of Chicago casting the Windy City into inky darkness illuminated by dim islands of light. Despite the late hour, a yellow taxicab pulled up to the front of the [REDACTED] apartment complex, lit by the neon yellow glow of the nearby street lamps.
"Well here we are, sir." the man driving the taxi said to his mysterious, silent companion. "Later than my customers usually arrive here, but I won't pry." The man in the back of the taxi nodded his head and, reaching into his white coat, pulled out a pile of paper money which he handed to the driver. The man in white opened the door and stepped outside into the cool night air. As he did so the taxi driver could not shake the suspicious feeling that the man seemed familiar. The man in white simply gave him a nod and then walked away towards the light of the apartment complex. The taxi driver started driving away, little suspecting that his companion had been in truth the Streamliner, Chicago's famous (or infamous) pataphysical superhero. The Streamliner reached the door of the apartment complex. As he reached the front door, something made him hesitate. The Streamliner turned around and peered into the near darkness beyond the city streets. Was that movement he caught just barely perceivable in those black depths? Nothing came out to challenge him, so he returned to the apartment complex with a shrug. He did not see the clear, shining eyes in the dark watching his every move…The Streamliner stepped into the brightly lit interior of the apartment complex, and then, using his reality bending ability, went to his room switched into his white super suit and reached the roof of the complex. Yes, thanks to his pataphysical ability to compress narratives, the Streamliner could accomplish in a sentence things that would take other men entire paragraphs to complete. The Streamliner paused for a moment atop the building, letting the cool night air and the thick cloying scent of the city below him wash over him for a few moments. But alas, it was nothing more than a brief respite as the Streamliner knew that soon he must continue his nightly crusade against the forces of injustice and evil that threatened his fair city. The Streamliner stepped forward, and found some criminals to do battle with.
The Streamliner found them in the middle of a dark alley. He found two bald white men with ugly tattoos beating a black man. Great Scott! the Streamliner thought to himself this seams to be an unpleasant situation that I've stumbled upon. I must act fast.
For more a million years the Red Artist had slept beneath the rocky exterior of a world it had ended long ago. One day though he felt a slight twang of something. The dark god shifted uncomfortably sending an ocean of tentacles into motion but then became still again. For three more decades he slept in a dreamless sleep only for the disturbance to appear again. The Red snapped fully awake and he knew what he was. Thought. Somewhere in the multiverse someone was thinking about him. The Red roared and the surface of the planet above it was obliterated, crumbling away to dust and debris. The Red shot away from the world's cold, dead core in a wave of tentacles and then the hunt began.
The species that had once lived on the world the Red had just left had escaped him in the distant past. He killed most of them, but their creator opened a Way so that the others could escape, albeit at the cost of her own life. However, something even she could not have foreseen had occurred. In the last moment that the Red had access to them, he had placed in their being a beacon of sorts. Something that would eventually allow him to find them. After more than a million years, it appeared that the beacon had activated.
The Red shot into space at a speed far beyond what was actually allowed by the laws of physics. He made a tight turn around the sun and then launched himself into the interstellar medium. He moved on to the intergalactic and finally interuniversal medium. As He floated through the darkness outside his home reality he could feel the thoughts reaching out towards him, showing him the way that he needed to go. Yes, it was just as he had expected. Humanity's creator had saved them by sending them to a new universe and wiping their memories of their origin so that they would not know of the Red or guess of his existence. Another thought sent a pulse through the void as the Red closed in.
He breached through the edge of the universe that humanity had fled to, opening a hole that other nightmares from the Abyss flowed through. Nearing his query he accelerated his speed, crashing through a few stars in his way. A trail of plasma and broken reality trailed behind him cutting a red streak through the aether as he finally entered the solar system that humanity currently hid in and…
The Red came to a silent halt, decelerating so rapidly that the space dust he kicked up obliterated a minor planetoid.
"WHAT?"
It was the only word that came to his mind. between him and the world he wished to destroy was a line of horrific beings like himself. Just outside the orbit of the massive orange planet a desk made of tortured screaming souls floated with a three eyed orange arthropod sitting at it writing some things on a piece of paper on her writhing desk. In front of that at least three dozen more beings, most of which were as monstrous as the Red himself, stood apparently doing nothing but waiting and occasionally scratching themselves. The Red floated forward past the monsters many of whom screamed abuses at him as he passed. Even he was at a loss as to what it could possibly mean. He saw a gigantic hideous ape, a massive revolting entity much like the humans themselves but with antlers, a green star fish and other abominations many of which even he could not understand. The Red reached the desk where the arthropod creature was talking to the first entity in line, a humanoid organism with seven horns surrounded by twisted black thorns with wolves walking close behind it.
"What is this?" he asked. The dark entity shot him a look that could have ended a world, but the arthropod organism turned to him and spoke.
"Did you fill out the form?"
"WHAT?"
"Sorry sir, but I can't help you unless you fill out the form." The Starfish crawled forward and whispered something in the dark entity's ear. She began screaming at it in a language that the Red couldn't understand.
"What form?" a stack of 257,987,103 papers appeared in the arthropod's claws and she handed them to the Red.
"Fill this out and head to the back of the line."
"I was planning on destroying humanity actually." the Red tried to move around the desk but the entity stepped in front of him.
"I'm aware, but it's the Anafabula's turn to destroy humanity, please return to the back of the line and wait your turn." the Red let that information sink in for a few moments.
"Everyone hear has come to… destroy humanity?" The argument between the Anafabula and the starfish had devolved to them screaming at each other while the other abominations goaded them on.
"Yes, humanity is a very popular species in certain circles." the Red said nothing so the arthropod continued as the Anafabula and starfish started beating the shit out of each other. "You see sir, their are a lot of of eldritch abominations that want to destroy humanity, so many in fact that they were getting in each others way or, worse, fighting each other. It was clear that if such a thing continued it would end with us killing each other leaving no one able to destroy humanity. But then we came up with a solution that would leave everyone satisfied, we'd take turns destroying humanity. That way all of us could get a go at the species without killing each other."
"Yeah…" the Red finally said "Screw this." he once again tried to force his way past, but again the arthropod organism stood in his way. The anafabula and starfish stopped their fight and slowly turned to look in the Red's direction.
"I'm sorry sir but I cannot let you do that. You are acting extremely selfish and unprofessional."
"Listen ma'am, I do not think you understand who you are dealing with here. I am the firstborn of the primordial chaos that predates ordered reality I am he who…"
"Sir you're not listening here. There are two entire species waiting for an opportunity to destroy the human race." she pointed behind the Red and he turned around to see two massive hordes of monsters, one f beings who didn't exist but who the Red could still perceive and the other monstrous dark beings covered in spikes and thorns and worse.
"I'm sorry but we can't just let you circumvent the standard protocol for this sort of thing. Now please return to the back of the line and wait for your turn."
"Listen you insolent lobster, I overthrew the gods of humanity and a billion other races, I destroyed their world and slew most of them with my own tentacles. some lucky few escaped me but…"
"Oh my!… You already had an opportunity to destroy humanity? Well… I'm sorry sir but that doesn't make me more willing to let you cut ahead. You should really let some other abominations have a chance."
"But…"
"Sorry sir, but its the rules." the other beings seemed to have noticed the disruption and turned their attention towards the Red. A few even began making their way towards him. The Red turned around, looked back towards the arthropod and gave a great sigh. He lowered the mass of tentacles that acted as his head and slowly made his way to the back of the line of abominations as the Anafabula stepped forward.
——
Closer to the inner planets, a small observatory floated through the void. It would have been bright white if it wasn't completely invisible. Inside a man with a symbol of three moons stood watching the Red through a long range telescope.
"I still can't believe they've all actually fallen for this." his partner, who was wearing the same uniform and was lying in her cot reading a hentai manga shrugged. "I guess that ancient cosmic power doesn't always come with common sense. The man laughed.
"But still, their going to figure it out eventually."
"And what are they going to do about it? Destroy the world? Even if they realize what's really going on we're still buying earth time."
"But still, we need a more permanent solution."
"I know, our researchers back in Corbenac are already working on it. They have found a being who will be able to preserve the earth from them indefinitely."
"Really?"
"Yeah, why not? You can believe in 36, well 37 now, cosmic beings that want to destroy the earth but one existing that likes humanity strains your suspension of disbelief."
"Good point actually, but could anyone being be able to fight all this."
"No." he was so surprised he looked away from the camera and straight at her. "Not yet at least. But one day she might get there."
Site-169, August 2020
Dr. Xyank peered through the pane of bullet-proof glass at the five researchers working on the other side. And the creature they were studying. The researchers spoke in hushed tones as they studied they measured the entity with all manner of equipment, taking readings and making notes in their black journals. Dr. Xynak said nothing himself and just continued to watch, at least until his assistant, Researcher White, spoke up beside him.
"You think it will be enough?" Dr. White spoke, quietly.
"I don't know." Xynak confessed with a shrug "But he's our last hope."
GOC Headquarters, September 2020
Mr. Marshall took his seat at the long, oval table and the meeting officially began. He made a quick check around the room as D. C. al Fine, the leader of the GOC, rose to her feat to address the group. Mr. Dark's daughter, Iris Dark, was there, sitting on his left. Across the table from him were a few nervous looking representatives of the Foundation wearing business suits and shifting uncomfortably in their seats.
Darkblade heard the familiar click and then the automatic door leading to his dojo opened up and he walked inside. After a long day working at his new position as O-14, it was always nice to return to his own living quarters to rest and meditate. Except, that when he walked in he suddenly realized that something was wrong. Beneath him, through the glass at the base of his dojo he could see that usually calm water of his shark tank filled with turbulence and blood. Darkblade leaned down and peered into the once clear depths. A group of men in black scuba gear and wearing boxing gloves were attacking Darkblade's sharks.
"Hey!" Darkblade yelled "Leave them alone you bastards." He reached for his blade and… remembered that it was no longer with him. It had broken when he had fought the Streamliner. Darkblade cursed and brought his fist down on the glass. He punched a hole straight through it and then tore out more chunks of glass to create an entrance wide enough to get through then jumped down into the depths. Two of the men noticed him and suddenly turned away from the sharks and started swimming in Darkblade's direction with boxing gloves raised. If they were smart they would have fled. Darkblade may have lost his namesake blade, but he still had his elemental powers of water. Darkblade shot forward, using the water to propel himself. He reached the first man and killed him with a blow to the chest that caused his ribcage to detonate. The other two quickly caught up with him, but Darkblade simply raised his hand and the water around him exploded into liquid knives and blades slicing them to pieces. Another man was so surprised from the violence that his concentration broke and he was quickly eaten by one of the sharks in the tank. That left only one individual left, a massive bare-armed bear of a man who must have been the groups leader. He kicked his legs back and started swimming up to fight Darkblade, but the new O5 member just flicked his wrist at him and a blast of water ripped a hole through his chest. The man started sinking back down into the depths where sharks waited. "Just you wait, the Shark Pulverizer will come for you" he tried to say but couldn't as he had a hole in his chest and a breathing apparatus in his mouth. Darkblade watched as the last miscreant was eaten by the sharks and then swam back to the surface and jumped out of the tank.
Event Description: SCP-949 disappeared from it's location of containment and reappeared in ██████, Maine. Thirty minutes later a group of several SCP-949-1 instances materialized in the vicinity of SCP-949 ostensibly to bring the O5-council to SCP-949. Upon being informed that the O5-council would not visit SCP-949, the SCP-949-1 instances demanifested.
Date of Occurrence: ██/██/████
Location: ██████, Maine; Site-██
Follow-up Actions Taken: Containment of SCP-949 has been officially transferred to the Global Occult Coalition.
It was hot. Boiling uncomfortably hot like nature had finally gotten sick of Climate Change Deniers and wanted to kill them all off. Emme wiped sweat from her brow and heard the crunch of gravel as she continued looking for Dr. Wondertainment. It didn't take Emma long. Wodertainment was standing under the shade of her unfurled umbrella observing as a few of her employees finished putting up one of the rides. Wondertainment was glistening with sweat, her sleeves were rolled up and on her bicep arm Emma could see a tattoo which said Ms 00. As Emma walked up Wondertainment turned around and flashed her a wink and a thumbs up before turning back to the employees. Emma walked up to Wondertainment, glad to be in the somewhat cooler shade of the umbrella, and Wondertainment turned to her.
"Hey Isabel" Emma said "So I see that things are going well here."
"They aren't just going great Emma, they're going Wonderful®. I had been worried that we wouldn't finish in time for the scheduled grand opening, but at the rate we're going it's starting to look like I have nothing to worry about after all. In fact, things are going even better then I predicted, by the look of things it appears that we will be finishing a few hours early which will hopefully, give us some time to work on some other projects that I'm working on. Which is good, because my backlog is long enough as it is."
"That's great ma'am but um…" there was something that Emma had been meaning to tell for awhile now. She had waited to long already, it was time to tell the truth. Still, seeing the wide smile on Dr. Wondertainment's face made Emma's mouth grow dry. "Um…"
"Even I am amazed by how Wondertainment Land® turned out. I mean, I knew it was going to be good, but I didn't think it would be this good!"
"That's great ma'am but… uh…"
"Though, I'm a bit nervous about what the Board of Directors will think, most of them have never been completely in love with this idea. I remember, I was at a meeting last week. So Steve was there, man I hate that guy, and he was like 'With all due respect Ms. Wondertainment, I must say that this pet project of yours by all appearances is going to be a massive waste of time and money when the Foundation shuts us down.' And I was like 'I broke into Site-BLACKBOX and talked to Mr. Hot and he told me that he thinks this idea is going to be a hit.' but then Steve was like 'I understand ma'am, but the unfortunate truth of the matter is that the Foundation's involvement is going to turn this little pet project of yours into one huge money pit. We need to stop wasting money on useless projects like this. You know what we need ma'am? More Mr. Moneys. We have the technology to give people the power to puke money and we are not using it effectively. I recommend that we immediately start developing a way to mass produce Mr. Money. Why haven't we been doing this already.' And then another of the boys was like 'Huh, isn't that illegal?' and then everybody got into a huge argument over whether or not it was legal and I managed to sneak away while they were fighting."
"Well… ma'am uh… about the…"
"So I ignored him and put the finishing touches on this place since I was almost finished anyway, and now I actually am finished and everything turned out great and the only thing left to do is to deliver the Foundation's O5's their invitation so they can come here and take a look at how completely absolutely amazing this place is!"
"Oh yeah… the O5s um…"
"Now… at first I was nervous about what they would think about this, after all, they usually aren't too keen on this kind of stuff. But then I realized that all I would have to do is to let them experience Wondertainment Land® for themselves then they'd realize just how completely awesome it is and then they'd have to let everyone come. Because no one could possibly resist the Absolute Complete Awesome Amazing Awesomeness® of Wondertainment Land® whence they had experienced it for themselves. Which reminds me, Emma, I still haven't sent them their invitation yet! Which means that I should probably go work on that right now now that I think about it, may as well get this done with. Thanks again Emma." Dr Wondertainment disappeared in a flash of light leaving her umbrella floating in the air. Emma sighed and picked up the umbrella before turning to go look for Dr. Wondertainment again.
Site-Blackbox had been having a relatively quiet and peaceful day. Had been. Agent McGrath was awakened from her nap and her wonderful dream of strangling Site Director Andrew to death with her bare hands by the sound of the Site's alarm system. "Perimeter breach!" someone yelled "They've breached the site's perimeter."
"Who…?" Agent Mcgrath rolled out of bed and jumped to her feat, she picked her gun belt off the floor next to her bed and hastily tried to put it on as she ran out of her room into another mass of agents and security personnel who were gathering in the hallway. No one answered her question, they seamed to be as confused as she was, so McGrath followed the group as the Security Director barked orders over the sites intercom. Eventually they made their way outside and, in the distance, McGrath saw what had caused the commotion. Five… things were standing on a hill. They looked like men wearing those stupid costumes that sports mascots wore. McGrath didn't know if they were real people in costumes, living costumes or something weirder. After the stuff she'd seen working for the Foundation, nothing would have surprised her anymore.
Dr. Wondertainment walked to the center of Wondertainment Land® and took a moment to look around and admire her handiwork. She was feeling almost giddy with excitement, which was saying something given that it was her. The one hangup was the electric fences and other nasty surprises that the Foundation had placed around her park. But that was easily dealt with. She moved her hand to the side and another umbrella (a blue one with white stripes) appeared in the air and fell into it. Dr. Wondrtainment lifted the umbrella up and swung it around her head in a short arc. There was a flash and all of Wondertainment Land® disappeared in a flash of light leaving only an empty electric fence and a few Foundation guards who were used to it by that point in time.
McGrath sighed and, once again, wondered why she was the one who had to talk to the… whatever they were.
"Okay." McGrath said slowly "It's impossible for the O5s to come. Sorry guys, but you need to get out of here."
"But you don't understand Little Miss!" one of the things that looked like a highly stylized cat said "Dr. Wondertainment has absolutely insisted that they come. In fact, she's not even going to open the park until they get there!" McGrath rubbed her head. She had gotten a headache the moment she woke up and it was starting to get a whole lot worse.
"Sorry… whoever you guys are, but it's completely impossible for the O5s to come. I think they sent Dr. Wondertainment or whatever he's called a note about it? Tell him to check for that." The guys in suits or monsters or whatever looked at each other in confusion. McGrath sighed and wondered how much longer she was going to have to spend talking to them.
"Mr. Wondertainment told us that…"
"Look, I can't tell the O5 council what to do, I'm just a Field Agent, and they already made their wishes clear. You all need to get out of here."
"You sure there's nothing you can do?"
"Yes. Please leave." The creatures bowed their heads in apparent disappointment, and then, mercifully, there was a flash of light and they vanished. McGrath breathed a sigh of relief and turned around to walk back to the site. All things considered that had gone a lot better than she had anticipated.
"Not coming?" Dr. Wondertainment asked. She was sitting in one of the bright pink horses on the Wondertainment Land® Merry-Go-Round as it slowly spun around.
"Hm… I had actually thought… I probably should have suspected this actually. Thanks for trying at least." The park employees nodded and walked away. Dr. Wondertainment leaned down with a frown on her face. The pink plastic horse she was riding looked back at her with concern on its perfect face. Dr. Wondertainment stroked its plastic mane. That seemed to calm it and it rubbed its head against her. Dr. Wondertainment sat on the Merry-Go-Round as it span around for a few more turns. Eventually though, she stepped off the plastic horse, still carrying her umbrella. She walked a little ways forward, silent and lost in thought. Around that time, she noticed that she wasn't the only one being unusually quiet. The park was as well. Despite being ready for everyone to arrive, Wondertainment Land® stood in near complete stillness with the only sound being the whir from the slowly winding down Merry-Go-Round. Dr. Wondertainment thought about it for a few moments and then she vanished in a flash of light.
…She reappeared at another location in Wondertainment Land®. Specifically in the middle of the meeting room in the Wondertainment Land® Adminstrative Building where two of her employees were standing next to a water, drinking from paper cups and talking.
"Change of plans." Dr. Wondertainment said. "We are opening right now instead of waiting." The two employees looked at each other and shrugged before walking out of the room, presumably to start getting Wondertainment Land® ready for the opening.
Night had fallen over the smoke-stained streets of Chicago casting the Windy City into inky darkness illuminated by dim islands of light. Still,the Streamliner was out hunting for criminals and other evil doers irregardless of the dangers that must certainly lurk on such a night. With light footsteps and quiet treads, he walked alone along the top of an apartment complex while humming his theme song to himself. It had been a slow night so far, but then the Streamliner's concentration was suddenly broken by the distressed sounds of someone in a nearby alleyway. Thinking that it was a fair citizen who may need his aid, the Streamliner rushed over to the edge of the apartment complex and looked over towards the alley situated in its shadow. To his surprise though, he did not see any endangered civilians in the alley. Instead he saw a group of thugs and low-lifes who had already been killed. The corpses all wore ski masks and had been sliced to pieces, apparently by a sword. The Streamliner frowned behind the glass mas of his motorcycle helmet as he attempted to determine what had happened. It appeared to him that… Suddenly, the Streamliner heard the sound of footsteps behind him. It seemed that he was not alone on the rooftop after all.
"Ah yes." he heard a voice call out behind him. "At long last we meet, Streamliner." It was a voice the Streamliner recognized from his time imprisoned by the Foundation. The voice of a living legend. Darkblade. The swordsman stood at the opposite edge of the rooftop, the Streamliner hadn't noticed his arrival. The wind blew Darkblade's white hair and his hand rested on the hilt of the fabled weapon that he took his namesake from. But he didn't draw it. Not yet.
"It was difficult to track you down Streamliner." Darkblade said as he sized up the white-clad superhero. "You hid yourself well after you escaped from the Foundation's prison but," Darkblade smiled "I knew that you couldn't keep it up forever."
The Streamliner did not turn around. He continued looking across the Chicago skyline. He could see the crescent moon rising in the far distance.
"The Foundation asked me to recapture you, being that I am always keen for another chance to test my skills with my chosen weapon I accepted." Now, finally, Darkblade drew his dreaded sword from it's sheathe and held it in his hands. Moonlight reflected of the blade's black sheen and wisps of water started to form around the swordsman as he prepared his defenses. The Streamliner still clenched and unclenched his fists. Under his motorcycle helmet he was starting to sweat.
"Now" Darkblade said "I give you the opportunity to surrender before I am forced to fight you and take you back to the Foundation by force." The Streamliner said nothing.
"So be it then, friend" Darkblade entered a sword fighting stance. "I've heard that you are this world's strongest anomaly, try not to disappoint me." Finally the Streamliner turned to face Darkblade as the battle began. Darkblade yelled a warcry and ran forward, slashing with his mighty blade while summoning a shell of water to repel the Streamliner's attacks. Thinking fast, the Streamliner defeated Darkblade.
Darkblade collapsed to his knees, the broken pieces of his katana lying in front of him. He gasped for breathe, blood leaking from his mouth.
"It's true!" he said, shock apparent in his voice. "You really are the strongest."
Without a word the Streamliner turned around and started walking away from his conquered foe. But, during the battle, he had forgotten that he was standing on the edge of an apartment complex. He accidentally stepped off the edge and fell ten stories down, dying on impact.
Note: After this event, SCP-4455 was reclassified to neutralized. Darkblade was promoted to the O5-council for his role in the successful neutralization and is now known simply as Dark1.
Officer Daniels flipped through the pages on the clipboard he held in his hands before sitting down at the table. He shifted a few times to get into a comfortable position then placed the clipboard on the desk before looking up. At the other side of the table in the interrogation room sat a bored looking woman who was handcuffed and gave him a blank look as he sat down.
It was the Lizard. Of course it was the Lizard. Dr King had just been stepping outside of his office, having finished everything he needed to get done that day, when he half heard, half felt a vibration from somewhere in the building. Dr. King stopped standing completely still and listening closely. Given his job at the Foundation he could never tell if a bang was someone refilling the vending machine or the end of the world. Whatever it was it didn't repeat, so Dr. King locked the door to his office and started walking down the hallway, intending to stop by the men's restroom before he went home for the evening. There were windows all along the right side of the hallway that opened to a gold setting sun over miles upon miles of forests. After he left it would be almost an hour drive before… there was a crash louder than a thunderclap and the entire building shook to it's foundation. Dr. King was knocked to the ground and landed on his hip. Burning pain shot up his leg and side and he cried out. For several seconds he could only sit up and clutch his side nearly doubling over in pain as he did so. Another boom came out and the building shook again sending plaster raining down from above and causing the emergency lights to flick on. Over the loudspeakers an automatic voice boomed out 'a major containment breach is in progress'. Despite the pain, Dr. King forced himself to stand up and start running down the hall. He reached the door at the end of it but his hands were shaking so hard it took him several tries to turn the door handle and rush inside. Another shake ran through the building and then he began to hear the screaming. Not all of it sounded human. "Of course this is today…" Dr. King muttered. The door led him to the main stairway, he started running downwards making good progress even as the screaming and shaking grew louder. Despite his age, Dr. King had been practicing running as often as possible just in case a situation like that happened. He reached the third floor of the building and another voice came over the speakers 'SCP-682 has breached containment, evacuate immediately' Dr. King kept running. He reached the bottom of the stairs and nearly ran into the door at the bottom. He tore it open and ran through, he knew the way out. Dr. King ran down another hallway as bits of plaster rained like snow around him, and then reached one of the emergency exits before tossing it open and rushing outside. He emerged into a field nest to the building and raised his arm to shield his eyes from the sudden bright sunlight. Dr. King stopped where he was, panting for breath and surprised to have gotten out so easily. At that moment though, inside the building, an immortal hell lizard collapsed a few supports causing the wall behind him to lean out and then fall apart in a miniature landslide. Dr. King was crushed under almost two tons of debris, mercifully dying almost instantly.
Dr. King saw everything go dark as a shadow covered the sun and then he felt something hit him from behind. Then everything went black, not just dark. Pure, absolute black like nothing he had ever seen before, like what he imagined that someone who had been born blind would see. Am I dead? Dr. King wondered. He felt a sickening feeling as it dawned on him that actually would explain what was going on. Dr. King noticed three things, he noticed that color seemed to be returning and the void around him seemed slightly brighter, second that he could feel the sensation of falling through space, and third that he couldn't feel anything else at all. His hip no longer hurt and the back pain he had been suffering for a few decades had disappeared. If it had been under better circumstances he would have been very happy about that. Dr. King looked down and saw that he was flying or floating through a void over… something. At first he couldn't tell what it was, at first it seemed like an infinite plane of brown extending forever in every direction. But then, as it neared closer and closer, Dr. King noticed what it was. It was awful, cruel and unfair. What he saw rapidly approaching him, rising through infinities of nothingness, made the worst tales he'd heard of fire and brimstone or rotting forever in your own corpse seem like pleasant dreams by comparison. Dr. King's mouth gaped open and all he could say was 'Are you shitting me?" as he crashed into it. It was apple seeds. Dr. King landed and crashed face first landing in the, middle of an infinite, nearly level plane of apple seeds which surrounded him on all sides. He jumped to his feat spitting some of them out of his mouth and looked around in a near panic. "Is this some sort of joke?" It was the only thing he could think to say.
"Well…" Dr King spun around sending a few apple seeds flying away into the darkness. Behind him an entity was floating towards him. It had a human-like outline, but it seemed to be composed of black darkness except for three eyes in the middle of its otherwise blank face that glowed with silver light. A thin white mist clung to the ground around it.
"Are you God?" Dr. King asked, the creature didn't look like what he had imagined God would look like but after decades in the Foundation nothing could surprise him anymore.
"Sort of…" the entity said "I'm a lower case g god."
"What is this place?" Dr. King asked, he was glad that he at the very least wasn't alone there.
"This is the afterlife… well… I guess you could call it the applelife in your case." Dr. King was so confused, disgusted and shocked that he couldn't even form a response to that. "Why?" he finally asked after what felt like a long time.
"Sorry, it's just that… you see… the way the Foundation has it set up… you see… they consider death and the afterlife to be anomalies now so…"
"So now that I'm dead my afterlife is… apple seeds?"
"Precisely! Though I should mention that…"
"So I'm going to be stuck in a boundless desert of apple seeds for all eternity."
"No no no…" the entity "Just until the Foundation no longer considers death and the afterlife to be anomalies."
"What?"
"Okay… okay look." the entity raised it's hands in the air in a defensive gesture "I know this may not be the afterlife you may have wanted but…" Dr. King picked up a handful of apple seeds and tossed them at the entity. The seeds passed straight through it.
"What the Hell is wrong with you? You think that… you can't just…"
"Okay, okay, okay. Look, I know you're upset right now, I imagine that this is a lot to take in at the moment, especially with your recent death, but bear with me here. You should know that compared to some of the other possible fates that could await you post-death an infinite apple seed desert really isn't that bad!" Dr. King shot the Entity a frigid look, then he sighed feeling resigned. He collapsed to the ground, kicking up a cloud of apple seeds, feeling unable to do anything else.
"Is this because of 110-Montauk?" he asked.
"Nonononono" the entity said hastily. "Ah… sorry friend. It seems you're a bit confused here. You're not being punished or anything like that, apologies for the confusion there. It's just that's the way it works… well, for you at least."
"Why, you still havn't explained that? Is this actually some sort of joke?"
"Do you want the honest answer or the one you'd like to hear?"
"Be honest."
"Basically yes. It's pretty much just a cosmic practical joke at your expense. To be fair we didn't know the afterlife and death would be declared anomalies when we started this."
